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The thing is, Nagi’s life was perfect. Until it is not anymore.
To begin with, he had somehow been chosen by whoever higher being up there to be born into this world as a genius. He had perfect grades, a perfectly peaceful albeit somewhat boring early teenage life, and a perfect little family if he’s to ignore his parent’s frequent absence from most of his childhood.
To sum it up, Nagi’s life was perfect. It even got marginally better after Reo entered his life.
That rich boy Nagi had called him at first. The boy who seemed overly joyful and was very insistent on introducing the wonders of football and friendship to him. And love. And real-life romantic experiences that turned out to be fascinatingly different from otome games .
Perhaps, Nagi guesses, his life up until this point has been too perfect. That’s why god decided to start putting a noticeable dent in what he’d thought was his perfectly fine love life.
It’s been almost a month—Nagi has secretly been counting—it has been exactly 29 days since Reo started acting weirdly. And it’s only been getting worse and worse by day since.
“Reo, are you going to be home late too today?”
Reo spares him a tight smile as he puts on his coat. “Yes, sorry, Nagi. I’ll be very late, so please don’t wait for me.”
With that, Reo closes the door behind him, leaving Nagi all alone with his gadgets and his racing thoughts.
To begin with, it’s not like Nagi isn’t aware of Reo’s busy schedule. Reo has been very busy keeping his double worklife together; his well-known persona as one of the rising football stars from the Blue Lock program and the career that was predetermined for him before he’s even born as the heir of a billionaire company.
Nagi tries to be understanding. He really does. But it’s getting hard with Reo seemingly constantly avoiding him at every given chance.
Last night, Reo was home late again. Nagi didn’t mean to wait for him, but when Reo turned in the key he woke up anyway. They ended up having sex before hitting the sack. Nagi had gone to bed feeling almost hopeful with the way Reo’s arm draped around him.
All hopes went to ashes when Nagi woke up alone on a cold bed this morning.
And it continues to be like that the next day. And the next. And the next.
So much that Nagi eventually gives up on keeping count.
“Reo.”
Reo is laying on his back, facing Nagi, yet his gaze seems so far away.
“Reo,” Nagi tries again.
Right now, Nagi is kneeling above Reo. His legs are bracing either side of Reo’s naked torso. It would be so easy to capture Reo’s pretty lips from this angle. It would be so easy to have sex as usual and pretend it didn’t happen the next morning.
But Nagi has had enough.
“What?” Reo puts on a smile, the same one that he wears for the cameras. “Don’t tell me you’re too sleepy to continue now.”
Nagi pouts. “ Reo. ”
The emphasis on his tone earns him nothing but a tired sigh. Somehow, it feels worse to Nagi than not getting Reo’s attention at all. After all, not long ago, Reo was always happy to give Nagi attention and anything Nagi asked of him. Nowadays, Reo barely spares him a glance, let alone pays attention to his whims. It’s barely a little over a month, yet Nagi already misses the old Reo.
“Reo, is something wrong?” Nagi asks.
He’s asked the same question last week. And the week before that. And the week before that one too. Alas, Reo’s answer has always been the same.
“Nothing's wrong,” Reo smoothly lies. “I’m just a little tired, sorry.”
Hesitantly, Nagi continues, “But you don’t seem happy lately.”
“Everyone has their bad days,” Reo argues. “Just drop it, Nagi.”
Nagi flinches at the harsh tone. Seeing that, Reo’s gaze softens a little bit. Nagi almost feels guilty for being pushy, but then he remembers the cold shoulder Reo has been giving him for a while. How much it hurts. How much it makes him worried. Enough is enough, Nagi decides, this time he has to get the answers.
“Reo, you once said you’ll only have one-night-stands with random people you don’t really care about.”
In an instant, Reo pushes him off, glaring at him. “What are you implying, Nagi?!”
“You once told me that you never did one-night-stands with people who had a crush on you, who were in love with you, because you don’t want to hurt their feelings.”
“What do you—”
“Then, why are you doing this to me now?”
Reo shuts up so fast that his teeth clank. He stares in horror at Nagi, who stares back at him with unveiled emotions written all over his face. Nagi is not the most expressive person, but if there’s anyone who can understand him perfectly well, it would be Mikage Reo.
“Lately, I feel like you’re treating me just like one of your one-night-stands. We would have sex and hit the sack right after. You don’t talk to me anymore. You don’t—”
“ Shut up, ” Reo hisses.
Reo climbs off of the bed so fast that Nagi barely has any time to blink. Sensing what Reo is going to do, Nagi tries to hold him back by reaching out to pull Reo’s hand.
But Reo slaps away his hand.
But it stings.
But then Nagi can only stare in shock, disappointment, worry, and hurt as Reo makes his way out of their bedroom without so much as saying goodbye.
I made him mad.
I shouldn’t have done that.
Reo hates me now.
Reo will break up with me.
The last thought unexpectedly brings tears to his eyes. Nagi can’t remember the last time he’d cried, but the thought of separating with Reo has his gut coiling, chest aching, so much that it physically pains him to keep his breath steady.
Loneliness isn’t anything new to Nagi, but he doesn’t want to ever live with that again.
Reo had come barging into his life and gave him everything that Nagi didn’t even realize he yearned for; a loyal company, a dream to fight for, and more importantly, a wonderful person to fall in love with.
It’s not like the two of them are that much co-dependant. Still, a life without Reo is something that Nagi never imagined before; a foreign idea that sounds pretty much unreal to him.
Nagi ends up spending the rest of the night curling into himself in the corner of the bed, silently hoping that Reo would change his mind and come back and make it alright. Because Reo always makes everything alright in the end. Because Reo is brilliant and amazing like that.
Except tonight Reo doesn’t come back.
Neither does he the next day.
And the day after that.
Two weeks after that night, Nagi finds himself in the kitchen, rinsing plates that are already cleaned just so he can have an excuse not to sit in silence with Reo, who’s busy typing on his phone and seemingly fails to register Nagi being there.
Something flashes in Nagi’s mind. A calendar. A date. A silly little promise to stay together forever that was uttered by a drunken Reo and himself who for some reason decided to let loose that day. And the morning that came right after that night; the day Nagi had his proper first kiss.
There’s a date circled with a red pen on their calendar; the date that they had since celebrated every single year to remember that particular night. Remembering it all again brings a blur to his vision. Nagi pauses, blinking rapidly to keep his unbidden tears at bay. But it’s no use.
The plate slips from his hands. Nagi jumps, startled. Worried that the pieces might clog up the drain, he quickly gathers them with his bare hand.
That attempt soon turns into a vain as his wrist is wrenched harshly. Reo stares at his hand in horror.
“What are you doing, you idiot?! You’re hurting yourself!”
True that there are trails of blood visibly running on his hand. Nagi was too preoccupied thinking about what their relationship had become to fully pay attention to himself.
Noticing Nagi’s teary eyes, all the anger drains out of Reo in an instant. “Does it hurt that much?” Reo asks softly. “Come on, you’re not a baby. A little bleeding is not that scary. Here, let me patch you up.”
Reo leads him to sit on the dining table. He rummages through one of their kitchen cabinets and emerges triumphantly with a first-aid kit in hand. Nagi didn’t even know it was there.
“Do you still remember our anniversary?” Nagi asks quietly.
Reo pauses in the middle of cleaning his wounds. He looks at Nagi weirdly. “Of course,” he says slowly. When Nagi doesn’t elaborate immediately, he hesitantly adds, “Why do you ask?”
“Are you…” Nagi crumples his shirt nervously. “Are you planning to break up with me?”
Five seconds pass in silence. Five agonizing seconds pass, and just when Nagi is convinced that Reo isn’t going to give him an answer, the sound of bottles hitting the ground as Reo’s arms hang limply on his sides has Nagi instantly on alert.
“Reo—”
“What are you talking about?” Reo interrupts, voice tight, his eyes seemingly hollow. It has been years since Nagi last saw Reo looking like this. He can’t say he’s fond of it.
“Do you want to break up with me, Nagi?” Reo whispers quietly.
The answer is immediate: “Of course, no.”
Unless Reo wants to break it off. Unless…
“Do you? ”
As soon as those words leave his mouth, his tongue feels heavy. Nagi bites his inner cheek to force himself to keep going. “You make me happy, Reo. You’ve made me the happiest. You’ve introduced many things to my boring life and it’s—it’s all beautiful. But if that’s what you want, then… Then, I…”
Nagi can’t bring himself to actually say it. Even though he realizes now that it might be the truth, there’s still a part of him that just can’t accept it.
But it’s true, isn’t it? Why else would Reo avoid him that much?
He was Reo’s precious treasure, but no one ever said that he would hold that spot forever. Reo is amazing, popular, not to mention charming. Someone like Reo would be able to find another treasure easily. There’s always a possibility of Reo stops being interested in him, of his existence eventually becoming meaningless in Reo’s life, and it takes Nagi embarrassingly almost a decade to arrive at this point of realization. And now it’s all too late.
He’s no longer valuable enough for Reo to keep around. Now, Reo is going to leave him for someone who’s better at football, or perhaps someone who’s just as equally charming and manages a family business well just like him.
Having this particular realization suddenly dawned on him is akin to rubbing salt on his unbandaged wounds.
“I can tell that you’re going to break up with me.” Nagi sighs resignedly. He keeps his gaze down, unable to look Reo in the eyes when he’s all too aware that this might as well be their last conversation. “You’ve been avoiding me a lot…and I guess it’s alright. If you’re happier with someone else, I guess it’s alright.”
It’s not alright. Nagi feels as if someone just stabbed a knife right into his heart.
That person is Reo.
Reo, who is looking at him with a mix of shock and bewilderment, mutters, “God, I’m such an idiot.”
Hearing that, Nagi’s head snaps up. He blinks slowly, puzzled. “Huh?”
Reo doesn’t seem to hear him, as he’s tipping his head back, staring at the ceiling for a long time as if there’s something interesting up there. “I’m—”
Reo swallows and shakes his head. He takes a deep breath, looking directly at Nagi’s eyes this time. Nagi can tell that Reo is holding back tears, as his vibrant violet irises appear glassy, so much emotions swirling in those pretty eyes that Nagi can’t decide whether he should attempt to comfort Reo or not.
“I’m sorry, this is all my fault,” Reo finally says after another beat of silence. “I’m sorry, Nagi, I— fuck. ”
Reo grits his teeth. His fists balled in frustration. This is not the first time Nagi sees Reo getting this upset, despite his usual composure, however this is the first time he witnesses Reo being at a loss of words. It’s kind of perplexing.
Hesitantly, Nagi reaches out on the table to cover Reo’s fist with his palm. He rubs his thumb on Reo’s knuckles in his own wordless attempt at offering comfort.
Eventually, the tension bleeds out when Reo heaves a sigh. Nagi can feel Reo’s fist going lax under his touch.
“I—you know, I have this thing,” Reo begins, wetting his lip nervously, “where I feel like I need to be perfect.”
Nagi nods, signaling Reo to continue.
“I just—I know realistically having everything in a perfect order is impossible. But—” Reo exhales again, averting his gaze from Nagi. “…Last month I fumbled badly in sales. It messed me up and I-I didn’t realize I hurt you. I’m so sorry, Nagi,” he mutters softly.
“Is that what’s been weighting you lately?”
“Partly,” Reo whispers. “It wasn’t just my business. In the last season I didn’t really do well either. Coach and Manager didn’t trust me enough to put me on the starting roster. They gave me multiple chances but I could barely make a difference when I was on the field. And then there’s the branch company I took over earlier last year. Our sales been freefalling for a couple months and none of the marketing strategies I came up with worked and I-I—”
Reo inhales shakily. He clenches his teeth hard. The whimper that makes it past his lips sounds so pained that it compels Nagi to close the space between them and take Reo into his embrace.
The violet strands feel so soft between his fingers. Nagi cradles Reo’s head gently. Guilt fills him up as his fingers continue to thread Reo’s silky hair. “I’m sorry,” Nagi murmurs, “I didn’t know Reo was in that much pain. I was too focused on myself and—” Nagi sighs. “I’m sorry.”
Reo shakes his head. His hands come up to latch on Nagi’s shirt as he buries his face further into Nagi’s chest.
“You don’t get it.” Reo sniffles. His voice is muffled by the shirt. “You don’t get it, Nagi. I’m horrible. I was a-ashamed because you—”
Nagi freezes. “Because I…?”
“Because you’re a genius! You’ve always accomplished great things and breaking records and I-I just couldn’t really face you…because I’m such a failure…”
Nagi squeezes Reo’s shaking shoulders, putting an arm-length distance between them so that he can look at Reo’s face properly. The sight of Reo’s crumpled face tugs at his heart strings. He’s often weak when it comes to Reo. He likes to see Reo happy. He likes to make Reo happy.
Right now, he can’t make Reo happy.
But it’s not like he can just leave Reo to continue dwelling in his own despair.
“Reo is not a failure. Reo is an amazing person.”
Nagi bends down and cups Reo’s crying face between his palms. His thumbs move to wipe away the tears. “Reo is such an amazing person that I…sometimes I wonder if Reo would be happy if continue staying with me.”
Reo’s eyes widened. His anguish morphs into bewilderment in an instant. “What are you saying—”
“Reo is such an amazing person. Reo can manage his business on the side while keeps being a professional athlete. Reo knows how to handle the press and talk to people and charm people with his words. I can never do that.” Nagi pauses. He uses one of his hands to wipe out the drying tears on Reo’s cheeks. A light flush creeps up on Reo’s face as Nagi does that. “I like seeing Reo smiling. Reo has always worked so hard, after all. Reo deserves to smile.”
Nagi sits down across from Reo. He takes Reo’s hands in his and squeezes gently. “I can’t really do anything to lift up your worries, but I wish you would trust me more and tell me stuff like these.”
After a consideration, Nagi adds, “And I don’t think you played badly in the last season. I once overheard Coach praising you. He just won’t tell it to your face. He’s a tsundere.”
At that, Reo chuckles. The sound is beautiful, and Nagi is reminded again how much he misses it.
“Ah, shit. What am I even doing, trying to push you away? What would I do without you?”
This time, it’s Reo himself who closes the distance between them. He pulls Nagi into a hug and buries his face in the crook of Nagi’s neck.
“You really are my treasure,” Reo murmurs. “Sorry for making you worried over some stupid shit.”
“Your worries aren’t stupid, Reo,” Nagi chides. “You will come up with something to save those sales. I know you can.”
Reo peers up. “You believe in me?”
“I know you. You’ve always helped me whenever I got stuck. I know you are smart and brilliant.”
“Aaargh, stop that! Stop buttering me up! I love you so fucking much!”
Nagi slumps into Reo’s warm hug. After more than a month of feeling like getting stuck in a cold war, this feels like coming home to him.
“…I love you too, Reo.”
“Eh? What was that?” Reo frowns at him. “Did you say something? Sorry, I didn’t hear it—”
“It’s nothing.”
“No way! I know you’re lying! Come on, tell me—”
“It’s really nothing. Now, shut up and carry me to bed. I’m tired. Talking so much is a pain.”
“Ugh, Nagiii!”