Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was late one night, Raph was laying on his bed skimming through a comic he and Mikey had scavenged. He was about to toss it to the side when he heard the sound of something falling from his aforementioned brother’s room.

Eyes narrowed, Raph stood up, he left his room and walked the short distance between their rooms. He knocked on the wall.

“Mikey?” He called, voice quiet so as not to wake Donnie or Leo, “You okay?”

Mikey didn’t respond, but Raph could hear him quietly giggling to himself. Even more confused, Raph pushed the curtain aside.

He saw Mikey laying on the ground, arms stretched in front of him as he stared up at them with an amused smile.

“Mikey?” Raph stepped inside, finally getting his brother’s attention.

Mikey’s eyes shifted to Raph, they practically lit up, “Raphie!!” He exclaimed, the word was lazy and drawn out.

“Why are you awake? It’s late,” Raph sat down beside Mikey, examining his brother.

Mikey giggled, “I snuck out… don’t tell Lee Lee…”

Raph’s skeptical gaze grew wide, “Are you on something right now?”

Immediately, Mikey stopped giggling, his hazy eyes finally meeting Raph’s. They were bloodshot. He smiled slightly, “Whaaat?? Of course not!”

“Don’t lie to me,” Raph grumbled, hauling Mikey up and dragging him to his bed.

Mikey stifled a laugh, then looked incredibly serious for a moment, “I would never.” Then his stern expression shattered and he fought a smile.

Raph rolled his eyes, “You sure smell like you would.”

Mikey thought the statement over for a moment, his half closed eyes blinked slowly. He brought his arm up to his snout and sniffed, “…Huh…?”

“Geez… you’re really out of it,” Shaking his head, Raph pushed Mikey back into the cocoon of pillows and plushies that decorated Mikey’s bed. He sighed and pulled the blanket up to Mikey’s chest.

Mikey smiled up at Raph as the slightly younger tucked him in. Raph left for a moment, returning minutes later with a cup of water with a straw.

“Here,” Raph handed Mikey the cup.

Eyes big, Mikey shook his head, “I can’t drink that.”

“For fucks sake,” Raph muttered under his breathe, “Why not?”

“It has a straw!” Mikey exclaimed, sitting up a little, “Straws kill turtles!!”

Raph sighed, he forced Mikey to lean back again as he tossed the straw over his shoulder. Then he held the cup out, “Better?”

Mikey eagerly took the cup and nodded as he took a sip, “Thanks Raphie.”

“Don’t call me that,” Raph glared at him.

“But Dee gets to call you that!” Mikey pouted, “An’ sometimes Leo gets to!”

“Yeah well… they…” Raph trailed off, not really having a reason as to why their older siblings got that privilege. He watched Mikey’s face crumple.

“I’m not good enough for it,” Mikey shifted his head to look at the wall and avoided Raph’s eyes.

Raph’s brows furrowed at the quick shift in emotions. He knew he shouldn’t pry while Mikey was as willing to share things as he currently was… but now he was concerned, “What’s this all about Mikey?”

Mikey glanced back at Raph, he looked like he might cry at any second, “I’m not special like you guys.”

Raph frowned, the reason felt awfully childish. He sat down on the bed and sighed, “Is that it?”

Mikey bit his trembling lip, the tears made his eyes look even more red. In his over emotional state, he mumbled, “Lee doesn’t pay attention to me anymore.”

Thinking for a moment, Raph huffed and grabbed Mikey’s shoulder. He met the leaf turtle’s eyes, “You know that’s not true.”

Mikey clenched his fists and looked a little frustrated. He pulled his shoulder from Raph’s hand and turned to face the wall once more. The younger fought everything in him to groan in annoyance. Even if it was some childish reason that pushed Mikey to resort to getting high, Raph would try to take it seriously.

“Okay,” Raph began carefully, not wanting to upset Mikey anymore, “Talk to me then, why do you feel like she’s ignoring you?”

“She’s not ignoring,” Mikey mumbled, “She doesn’t give me as much attention as you ‘n Dee.”

“Yes she does—“

“No she doesn’t!” Mikey cut off Raph, fists hitting his bed with a dull thud, “She helps you with your anger issues ‘n Donnie with their anxiety, but I don’t get anything like that! I want her to comfort me.”

“So you somehow got your grubby little hands on some weed and got high? Great idea dumbass,” Raph scolded Mikey, his voice anything but harsh.

Mikey stared up at his painted ceiling, a project both he and Raph took on several years ago. Taking in the individual brush strokes was almost grounding as he took a deep breath, “Please don’t tell her.”

“She’s gonna find out if you keep this up,” Raph pointed out, standing up and looking down at Mikey as he lay in his bed, still a little out of it.

“I know,” Mikey hummed, “I want her to.”

Raph lifted his head, a little surprised at the statement. His expression softened a little as it hit him, “She’s not gonna have the reaction you’re hoping for.”

Mikey looked down, fidgeting with his hands. He said nothing, merely nodding.

“Just don’t be dumb about this, okay?” Raph wouldn’t admit it, but he was incredibly worried about Mikey. He trusted him to handle things as he thought fit, “Get some rest.”

“Thanks Raph…” Mikey murmured, pulling the blanket up to his chin as Raph walked towards the curtain out of his room.

Raph hesitated for a moment, he looked over his shoulder and grumbled, “You can call me Raphie… but only sometimes!”

Mikey’s face lit up, a little more clarity in them than they held just minutes ago. With a goofy, halfhearted smile, Mikey replied, “You got it Raphie!”

“Don’t push your luck,” The map turtle snorted, watching as Mikey giggled quietly, clearly feeling better already.

For as much as Mikey gloated about being a few days older, Raph sure as hell felt like the older one. He closed the curtain behind him and shook his head with an amused chuckle. Maybe being the older of the pair was okay, sometimes.

Chapter Text

Leo quietly moved around the lair, turning off the lights to prepare for night. Her brothers were already asleep and she knew the second she hit her bed she would be out. With a yawn, she flicked off the main light. Stretching her arms, she began walking to her room.

The sound of a package being ripped open had her turning sharply. Leo’s eyes darted around, zoning in on the kitchen. Brows furrowed, Leo carefully approached. She pushed aside the curtain and turned on the light.

In the middle of the kitchen, Mikey stood, blearily looking at Leo as he held a bag of chips.

Leo placed a hand over her rapidly beating heart and sighed, “You scared me Mikey.”

“Sorry Lee…” Mikey replied with a lazy smile, drawing out the vowels in an odd way that raised some alarm in Leo.

Eyes narrowed, Leo took a step closer, “You okay? You seem… are you… on something?”

“On somethin’?” Mikey asked, words slurred. Leo finally catches a distinct scent, her expression becomes stern.

“Weed, Mikey. Are you high?” Leo knew the answer, but she wanted to give Mikey the opportunity to come clean.

“Whaaat??” Mikey said with a giggle, “Why would I be… hmmm??” He smiled a Leo, was a dazed expression and Leo could see the red tint to his eyes.

“You smell like a skunk, for one,” Leo began listing the reasons, “Your eyes are bloodshot. Do I need to keep going?”

“Uhhh… skunk to the eyes?” Mikey offered the pathetic explanation as he fought laughter. The entire scenario was hilarious to him.

“This isn’t funny Mikey,” Leo was clearly getting annoyed, “You’re only 16, you could hurt yourself. Why would you do something so stupid?”

“I ‘unno, seemed fun,” Mikey shrugged, looking away from Leo.

“This isn’t fun Mikey! Nothing about this is fun! This is dangerous!” Leo argued, taking a step closer as Mikey crossed his arms and frown.

Just as annoyed as Leo, Mikey mumbled defensively, “‘S not a big deal…”

“It is a big deal!” Leo exclaimed in disbelief, “You have no idea how dangerous this could be! We don’t know how drugs affect our DNA! You could die, Mikey. Promise me you won’t do anything like this again.”

“‘N what if I don’t?” Mikey challenged.

“You’re going to be more in trouble than you already are,” Leo replied harshly, “Which you’re grounded, by the way.”

Mikey scowled, muttering under his breath, “Why am I gettin’ punished…” He crossed his arms and glared at the ground.

Leo throws her hands up in shock and frustration, “Why are you getting punished?? Because you’re doing something reckless Mikey! Do you understand that this could harm you? I want to prevent this from getting worse!”

Mikey’s expression was bitter, “Well why are you shoutin’ at me?? Where’s my hugs and reassurance that everything’s gonna get better?! Is that only for Dee and Raph!?”

Leo’s eyes widened, then she sighed, “You can’t possibly be comparing Donnie’s anxiety and Raph’s emotional issues to getting high. This is a serious discussion, this isn’t the time for hugs and reassurance.”

Mikey looked away, trying to hide the tears welling up in his eyes as he retorted, “Maybe I want your comfort! Maybe I have issues too! I just want you to pay attention to me!”

“You’re acting like a child,” Leo scolded, she was quickly getting fed up.

Mikey’s upset expression quickly turned into a scowl. Without even answering, he shoved past Leo and began heading to his room. Leo let Mikey push past her with a surprised gasp.

“Mikey!” Leo called, quickly following after him, “Mikey this conversation isn’t over!”

Mikey responded by pulling his curtain shut angrily and storming into his room as he shouted, “No! ‘m not talking to you!”

Leo crossed her arms, standing outside. She was frustrated, but knew better than to barge into Mikey’s room unless she had to, “You’re going to be grounded even longer if you keep this up! Stay in your room until your sober enough to be mature and talk about this!”

Mikey flung the curtain open without warning, his bloodshot eyes were dazed and furious as he spat out, “I hate you.”

Leo’s eyes widened. she took a small step back as all her frustration dissipated for a moment, replaced with sheer shock. She shook her head and forced her expression to harden once more.

“Hate me all you want. This is serious and I know there’s a reason you’re smoking that’s not just for fun. I can’t help you unless you talk to me,” She kept her voice stern, but no longer sounded mad.

Mikey opened his mouth, then shut it quickly. His hands hit against is thighs rapidly as he stood in front of Leo, lost for words.

“Talk to me,” Leo implored, wanting nothing more than to reach out and hug her little brother, “I’m trying my best to help. I’m not angry at you, I just need you to understand. I’m saying all this because I care about you. You’re my little brother, I love you.”

Taking in the words Leo said, Mikey frowned. His hazy eyes narrowed and he muttered, “No you don’t.”

With finality, Mikey shut the curtain. Leo could hear him storm into his room and collapse on his bed.

Leo was taken aback. It was like she was just taking hit after hit. Her heart broke for her little brother. She frowned and gently knocked on the concrete wall.

“Mikey… is… do you truly think that? Do you really think I don’t care about you?” Leo asked hesitantly. She didn’t receive any response so she murmured, “I may be upset now… and a little disappointed… but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I’ll love you no matter what.”

She waited a moment for a response. When Mikey didn’t say anything, Leo quietly entered his room. Mikey was curled up on his bed, head slightly tucked into his shell.

Leo approached, she gently sat down on his bed and spoke softly, “I’m sorry I got upset. Can you tell me what’s going on?”

Mikey lifted his head, Leo could now see the tears in his eyes, “You don’t love me as much as Donnie an’ Raph.”

Leo looked pained as Mikey said that, her heart shattered for what felt like the hundredth time. Voice gentle, she asked, “Why do you think that?”

“You always take a whole lotta care of Donnie cause they have their issues... and you pay attention when Raph is being a jerk... but I don't get that special focus, cause I don't have issues like them... I just want you to pay attention to me too,” Mikey mumbled out, arms wrapped around himself as he spoke.

“So… you smoked to get my attention?” Leo looked a little confused.

Mikey nodded.

“Mikey… you can just talk to me,” Leo murmured, “I know you struggle with confrontation and expressing yourself verbally, I get that! But you can’t just… get high for my attention,” Leo chose her words carefully, not wanting Mikey to pull away anymore.

Mikey looked away, ashamed. He sat up, scooting closer and leaning against Leo, “I’m… sorry. I won’t do it again.”

Leo wrapped a gentle arm around Mikey and gave him a side hug, “Good, that’s good. I promise, you don’t have to do anything for me to love you. I’m sorry if I’ve made it seem like I care about Donnie and Raph more than you. You know that’s not true, right? I love you all so much.”

“Yeah I know,” Mikey hummed in reply, leaning into Leo even more. He frowned and glanced back up at Leo guiltily, tears welling up, “I’m sorry I said I hate you. I don’t.”

Leo smiled reassuringly, rubbing Mikey’s shell with her large hand comfortingly, “I know, I forgave you the second it happened. Now take a deep breath.”

Mikey did as instructed, exhaling shakily as Leo stood up. She very gently guided Mikey so he was laying down and covered him in a blanket.

“It’s late,” Leo said, reaching around and carefully untying Mikey’s mask, “How about you sleep all this off and we can talk some more in the morning, hm?”

Mikey nodded slowly, watching intently as she folded up his mask neatly and set it on his bedside the table.

“I love you so much Mikey,” Leo assured her little brother, “Don’t ever forget that.”

With a tired smile, Mikey replied, “I love you too.”

Leo returned the smile and turned away. She quietly pushed aside the curtain and slid it shut behind her. Sighing, Leo headed back to her own room.

As she settled into her bed, she thought back to the conversation mere minutes ago. It was similar to one they had when they were younger… Leo’s heart ached painfully in her chest. Two times her younger brother felt like he wasn’t loved as much by her. Two times where the consequences of her lack of awareness in her little brother caused increasing harm.

It wouldn’t happen again, Leo swore.

She didn’t think she’d be able to clean up the damage a third time…