Chapter Text
It started slowly. Every once in a while, Eris would mix up his nieces and nephews. Granted, he, his brothers, and all their children all looked so similar people didn’t think too much of it at first. Azriel was concerned, but no one else seemed to think it was an incredibly serious issue and he tried not to dwell. They’d lost so much time in their lives that they’d both agreed from the day they were mated to try and live more in the moment together. So that’s what Azriel did. But then Eris started to mix up his brothers too, not just their many little freckle-faced red-headed kits running around the grounds. He had lived 1745 long years, but it was not enough. There was no such thing as enough time for Eris as far as Azriel was concerned. Things progressed from there.
Azriel had long attended the High Lords’ meetings with Eris. Their daughter was typically in attendance, preparing to take up the mantle when the time came. But they never expected the time to come so soon. For this particular meeting, she had stayed back in Autumn to handle some border disputes while Eris and Azriel went to meet with the other lords in the Day Court. Lucien was High Lord now, his heritage and powers fully manifested once Helion had passed away.
“Brothers!” Lucien greeted them as they stepped out of Azriel’s shadows, his arms wide as if to embrace them. Eris loved how readily Lucien had accepted his mate as family. It had always meant the world to him, to both of them, really.
“Hello, brother, how are you faring? Everything ready for the meeting?” Eris seemed to be having a good day, and hadn’t had many mix-ups in the last few weeks. The family continually made jokes about how they all looked too alike for their own good, especially the younglings. Lucien and Azriel were more concerned than the rest, but they tried to be casual about their suspicions until something more concrete could be unearthed.
“Of course, Eris. I do hope it is to your standards.” Lucien winked mockingly at his eldest brother. Lucien had previously been the simpler of the two, but he’d taken to the Day Court's opulence more readily than anyone had expected. These days the brothers were adorned in similar amounts of gold, albeit very different styles.
“I’ll do a thorough inspection and report back, if you’re so sure.” He smirked at Lucien and left his youngest brother alone with Azriel.
“How is he? Any more mix-ups?”
“Nothing I’ve noticed. He got all the kids right the other day at the big family dinner. I’m hopeful.” Azriel took a deep breath and ran a hand slowly down his face before he added, trying to keep his emotions in check, “I have to be.”
“I know, Az… I know.” The pair walked side by side down the hallway behind Eris, sure to keep their distance and their voices low.
“I’ve searched the libraries. Nothing like this has ever really been recorded for high fae. There are some lesser faerie diseases, but those are all highly specific to the species. Humans have something similar as well. For humans, it’s the result of aging and some other factors specific to their genome, but there is another cause we should consider.” A visible shudder wracked Lucien’s body as he came to a standstill in the hall. Azriel turned to face Lucien, and felt as if he’d had water poured down his back. Whatever Lucien was about to tell him was not good, and would change things forever. Azriel battened down his mental shields to block out the bond. “What is it? Please tell me we can do something.”
Azriel watched Lucien mull over how exactly to spill the news. Information that clearly had already affected him deeply.
“Lucien, please. I need to know. Just lay it out. Start there and then we…we’ll figure it out.” Azriel said, his voice slightly higher than normal with anxious hope.
Lucien looked at Azriel with sorrow in his eyes, despair etched across the lines of his face. When he spoke, his voice was soft, yet sure. “That’s just it Az, I don’t know if we will. This has only been seen an incredibly few times in history. Every instance of these symptoms in high fae has been the result of long term, consistent, and repeated brute trauma to the brain that was not seen to by healers properly.”
Azriel’s entire body froze, his muscles taught with the need to protect his mate. Eris’s father had been dead for years, but Azriel knew, he knew that this had been Beron’s fault. The previous High Lord of Autumn had purposefully kept healers from Eris and his brothers after beating them to “teach them a lesson”, and Eris had always taken the brunt of their discipline to protect the others. High fae healed quickly, but sometimes that caused issues of its own, or was still not quick enough. It was known that certain injuries, if not addressed quickly enough by a healer, could heal improperly and cause further issues down the line.
“Az, that’s not the worst of it.” Lucien stood in the hall before Azriel, body braced as if for impact as he delivered the news. “Typically with injuries that heal improperly, we can go in, rebreak, and fix it. With the brain, nothing like that has ever been successful.” As he continued, Lucien’s voice grew quieter with grief. As he said the words aloud, he broke his own heart just as much as he broke Azriel’s. “The only result is a steady decline. These people forget their lives, sometimes who and where they are. He might…” Lucien’s voice cracked, his shoulders sagged and he had to look away as he spoke the next words to Azriel. “He might… he likely will… forget everyone important to him. You, me, the kids. I… you know how proud he is… I think this may have started before, and he’s just so good at hiding things and not asking for help that he never told us. We may never know how long it’s been going on, or how long it will last. And it will only get worse…until it ends.”
Azriel’s felt as if his heart would beat out of his chest, faster and faster with every word Lucien spoke until those last three… until it ends. As he spoke, Azriel’s voice was full of desperation, mind reeling and unable to fully comprehend the pieces of him that seemed to break off. “Lucien… please… you can’t mean… after everything he’s gone through. Everything we’ve gone through. Beron is in the past. I thought he’d survived this. Tell me you don’t mean what I think you do when you say the end…”
Lucien raised his gaze to meet Azriel’s, and all the blood rushed from Azriel’s face to his feet. The expression on Lucien’s face could only mean the worst, and for a moment it felt to Azriel like his mate was already dead. A rage like nothing Azriel had felt before boiled under the surface of his thin emotional control. The last time he had been this angry was the day he killed Beron. But he thought that’d been the end of it. He’d thought that was the last time he would have to deal with the monster who had tormented his mate in such abhorrent ways that even Azriel, a trained torturer, could hardly stomach and refused to utilize.
The next thing Azriel knew, he was on his knees, and Lucien was in front of him with a hand on his shoulder for support. Their eyes met and Lucien spoke again, voice full of conviction. “He did survive Az. Not only that, but he thrived, and he’s still thriving. And you are part of the reason he has been able to do that.” As he continued, Lucien’s voice dropped and he continued with grim introspection. “But I think that what Beron did to him would have killed most fae, and Eris received more time than others who have faced similar circumstances. Time to spend with you, to fix his court, to raise two beautiful children with you. Let’s see how this meeting goes, but I think he needs to seriously consider stepping down and letting Linna take over. She’s ready. You’ve both made sure of it. And Az, you both should make the most of the time there is left.”
Azriel breathed slowly and deeply for a few moments, and gave himself time to take in Lucien’s words. He was right, of course. They’d had time to do so many things together.
They saved the Autumn Court from its path of treachery and torment and created a safe haven where all manner of fae and faeries from all walks of life were safe to be themselves and live freely in whatever manner they chose without fear of persecution.
Then there was the family he and his mate had created together. After many conversations, they’d chosen to have their children through an Illyrian surrogate, to ensure the High Lord’s power was properly passed and Azriel’s heritage was represented. Linna was born first, a daughter who inherited the fiery spirit that lived within both her fathers. Their son was born a few years later. Jace seemed to be more subdued, and had inherited their love for knowledge. They’d raised more broods of smokehounds together than Azriel could count on both his hands, and each pack held a special place in their hearts.
As he continued to breathe, Azriel reflected on just how far they’d come. First, when he and Eris discovered their mating bond. He’d been on a spy mission for the Night Court and Eris was still commander of the Autumn Court’s armies. They’d courted each other for a while, and bonded over chess and their abilities to spy what others tended to miss. Their sharp wit was well matched and made for excellent conversation full of snark and sarcastic remarks. On Azriel’s missions to Autumn, they'd meet under the same tree on the edge of the woods, close to the Forest House. It was far enough away from the compound to not raise suspicion of Azriel being near, but close enough that Eris could return home with his absence unnoticed. They played chess and chatted until one or the other was forced to leave.Duty always eventually called.
That fateful day, Eris was about to beat Azriel. The Autumn Court heir smirked and raised his piece as he called “checkmate.” But as their eyes met, Eris couldn't finish the word. The invisible thread twining their souls together slammed so hard into both of them that they felt like they’d each been hit in the chest. The white queen intended for checkmate fell out of his hand and scattered across the board. Both males stared at each other for what felt like an eternity, shell-shocked and breathless.
“I guess I win then,” Azriel had said, as a smirk spread across his face.
Eris scoffed and attempted to recapture their typical witty banter. “You win? In what world does my checkmate mean you won Shadowsinger, or did you forget how the game is played.”
“Check MATE, love. Mate. That’s how - and what - I win.”
Eris knocked over the entire board in his haste to get to Azriel - to his mate - , the game destroyed and forgotten in his wake. They rolled under the tree for hours and forgot every other care in the world for the moment.
Then Azriel remembered everything else that had happened under the tree in quick succession. Their many conversations about the future, about what they would do when Eris’s father was gone and they could finally have their mating ceremony and live openly. After Beron’s death, the discussions they’d had about their desires for a family, the logistical planning of how to bring their children into the world. The dreams they created for their future children while they waited for them to arrive in the world.
Once they were born, which always occurred in Illyria for the healers, the first place in Autumn each of their children saw was that tree, and their fathers would tell them all about the story of their love and how they conquered the world to be together. As they grew, the children spent years playing in, on, and around that tree. Both had been born with wings, and Azriel taught them to fly from these very branches. It was their spot. A place for just their family that signified so much joy and stability in their lives. The tree was there in times of peace, sorrow, love, and joy. Each member of the family knew that the tree would be there for whatever they needed. A place to cry, a place to process, a place to play, or sometimes just a quiet place to simply be.
Silent tears slipped down Azriel’s face as he opened his eyes. He hadn’t realized he’d closed them, he’d been so engrossed in the memories he had of his mate and their family. Lucien still knelt in front of him, his own eyes lined with silver.
“Please tell me there’s another way. I can’t lose him, Lucien. I can’t…” Azriel’s voice broke and it took every fiber of his being to tape the pieces of himself back together, just enough to not fall apart completely.
Lucien lifted his free hand to grip Azriel’s other shoulder and met his eyes with severe sincerity and determination. “I will not stop Azriel. I will never stop. Even when I think I’ve found everything there is, I will find somewhere else to look. After the meeting today we can ask Thesan and Rhysand for their assistance. We need to pursue any avenue for help now that we know what we’re looking at.”
Azriel nodded his agreement as he stood from the ground. “Okay. He still seems fine…” he trailed off, and thought back before he continued. “But I think I've been missing the signs. He asked where Beron was the other day. I thought it was just one of his nightmares, but now I wonder if he thought he was actually still alive and could come for us.”
As Lucien stood, his brows furrowed and a look of introspection crossed his face. When he spoke, his voice was filled with determination. “We will keep an eye on him, together. You are not in this alone. I promise you, Azriel. Until there is nothing left to do, I will exhaust every resource.” The prickly heat of a brand marked a bargain into their skin as they agreed to care for Eris in any way they could. A small black flame rested on their right shoulders, Azriel’s between the whorls of his Illyrian tattoo- Lucien’s just above the golden cuff he’d inherited from his father.
Azriel nodded gruffly and took a few more steadying breaths. Eris would be missing them now, he thought. “Thank you, Lucien. That means more than…” He couldn’t continue, it was all too much and they had business to conduct. Lucien understood. He and Azriel had grown quite close, and they both considered themselves brothers now. “Let’s get to the meeting,” he said. Lucien kept one hand on Azriel’s shoulder as they walked down the hall toward where all the other High Lords would soon be gathered.
The meeting wasn’t very pressing. Thankfully there hadn’t been any wars in Prythian since they’d defeated Koschei centuries ago, and times were relatively peaceful. The High Lords still regularly met, however. They found it important to keep each other abreast of their court's progress, discuss their citizens' wants and needs, hammer out trade agreements, and generally stay close and united as a joint force.
When Lucien and Azriel arrived at the meeting room, they found the other High Lords already in conversation around the table. Eris laughed and chatted with Rhysand and Feyre, who in return filled him in on Nyx’s new baby. Their son had stayed back in the Night Court to take care of his mate and youngling, though typically he would have attended these meetings as well. Azriel joined them and smiled at their conversation, glad to see Eris in good spirits. Lucien placed a soft kiss on Elain’s head and crossed to his seat at the table. Though she had refused the mantle of High Lady, she still stayed abreast of court politics and attended events with him.
“Friends,” Lucien said as he brought the meeting to order. “It’s so good to see you. Hopefully this business can be handled quickly. Elain has helped make us a lovely dinner, and I for one am already quite hungry.” He clapped his hands together in anticipation. “Let’s start with the sound off. We’ll go around the table and voice what each Court needs handled today. Thesan, would you like to start us off?” And so each court voiced their agendas. Azriel watched anxiously as Eris listed off the topics they’d decided on for today, and breathed a sigh of relief when he recited them without incident.
The meeting proceeded smoothly for the first hour and a half, and each issue required only small banter and slight adjustments to settle. Finally, they arrived at the issue between Day and Autumn. Eris and Azriel wanted more access to the Day Court libraries. Their son Jace was an extremely proficient researcher in both magic and science, and had requested they gain permission for him to have less restrictions to Day Court knowledge. He’d asked his fathers to request the same of the Dawn Court, as his interests were largely related to improving healing abilities. Given the relation, Azriel and Eris decided they’d start with his Uncle’s court first.
“Eris, you know that I can’t allow you or your son around a library,” Lucien started. “I love you, and my nephew, but I’ve seen what your fire can do, and has done, to my books before. My answer is no. Not with the lack of restrictions you’re requesting.”
Eris scoffed, “Lucien, that was one time. We were so young! I only burned half of your books. Besides, my son has twice my control at that age. Mother will tell you. Where is she? Probably off with Helion again…those two can never keep their hands off of each other. Besides, he’s the one who should be granting me access anyway.” Eris spoke jovially, but with complete sincerity as he looked for Helion, whom he truly thought was alive and had skipped the meeting.
The entire room stilled. Helion and his wife had been dead for decades, and Lucien had been High Lord since their passing. Azriel felt the entire world stop as Eris looked around at the other High Lords and Ladies, their faces frozen in various levels of concern. Confusion covered Eris’s features as he spoke once more. “What are you all staring at? He’s done this before, we all know it.”
Azriel shook himself from the shock, walked up closer behind his mate, and gently touched his arm. “Love, why don’t you rest. I’ll find Helion and we can settle this later, okay?”
Eris blinked a few times as he tried to understand what had happened. Eventually, he agreed with Azriel. “Al…alright. Okay. I am slightly tired. But wake me the moment you find Helion.” Azriel cupped Eris’s cheek with his hand-a more open show of affection than he’d ever revealed at such events.
“Of course. I’ll find you.” Azriel knew as he answered Eris that the words meant so much more, and it took everything in him to not break as he spoke them. He would find Eris’s physical location, yes. That would not be difficult. But finding his mate’s mind was another matter entirely, still worked to comprehend. Eris left the room, off to their shared quarters in Day. As soon as Azriel was sure he was gone, he fell into the chair he’d vacated and buried his face in his hands. His body shook as he tried to come to terms with how far they’d both come, and just how far Eris had gone.
A small sob escaped him before he could stop himself, and Rhysand was immediately there to hold his shoulders and attempt to provide comfort. He’d never seen his brother so emotional, and couldn’t begin to fathom what pain was so acute that his brother expressed it so visibly. Every High Lord and Lady in the room was evidently taken aback by the display, and noticed the look of sorrow that had passed across Lucien’s features as well. Lucien schooled himself enough to address the room, and spoke clearly, “If we may postpone the rest of this meeting, I’d like to speak with the Night and Dawn Courts more privately.” The rest of the courts, in recognition of the personal and monumental tone of the meeting, quickly and quietly filed out of the room.
Lucien spoke with soft determination to the delegates from Night and Dawn after the rest of the parties dispersed. “Unfortunately, I have to add another topic to our agenda today. Many of you know the things my father did to my brother.” Another soft sob escaped Azriel, and his entire body shook. Rhys just held him closer, panic obvious on his own face. “Recently he has developed some issues with his memory. He confuses my brothers and their children. At first, we thought it was just because we all look so damn alike and he overworks himself and becomes stressed. It seems this may not be the case. I’ve done some research, and Azriel and I believe that how my father tortured him may have left lasting damage.”
At this point in the explanation, Lucien’s own voice broke and he sat down to steady himself. “My research has found only a few cases like this. In each case, the trauma was extended, consistent, and never healed properly due to a lack of care. The few high fae who experienced this condition slowly lose their memory over time.” Lucien reached behind him, and Elain immediately came up and squeezed his hand until they were both white knuckled.
“I have yet to find any treatments or cures. Every recorded case has ended in the death of the individual after years of continually advancing memory loss.” The entire room went cold. Rhysand’s body went rigid against Azriel’s, and he looked down at his brother. His brother who would now have to slowly watch his mate slip away from him until he lost him completely.
“Az…” he started…but he didn’t continue. He didn't know what there was to say.
Azriel shakily raised his head from his hands and addressed the room while tears continued to stream down his face. “Before today, he’d mostly only confused names. Not remembering losing Helion or mother though…forgetting Lucien is High Lord…” His words broke off as he shook his head. He looked down at the table, unable to meet the gaze of the others in the room.“I didn’t realize how bad it was getting…we thought…I thought we’d have more time…but I think…” He couldn’t continue.
Lucien sat up straighter in his chair and cleared his throat to pick up where Azriel left off. “It’s time for my niece to take up the mantle of High Lady of the Autumn Court. Azriel and Eris have trained her for this since Autumn magic made her ascension evident. Az and I both believe that she is ready. We will work to convince Eris of this fact so his power does not need to be stripped by a vote. But after today’s display, it's become necessary to fill you in. We’re not hiding this from the other courts, but I wanted to speak with you both first, in case you may be able to help. I’d appreciate your assistance in disseminating the information appropriately.” Lucien took a shaky breath, “I don’t think I have it in me to explain again.” He closed his eyes, his pain evidently etched across the lines of his face. The room was deadly quiet as the present parties processed the information.
“I’m not giving up on him.” Azriel's voice was so soft, so timid the others present almost didn’t hear him. Feyre came and knelt in front of his chair, already pulled away from the table before he sat. “No, Az. Never. And neither will we.” She took his hands in hers, and their eyes met, both sets filled with tears. Rhysand, his hands still on his brother’s shoulders, looked from his mate to Lucien and asked, “What do you need? We will do whatever we can.”
Lucien sagged in his chair, weighted down by the gravity of the information he’d just learned and revealed about his brother. “I need access. Whatever information we can find about healing, whatever history your courts may have about these injuries. Anything to even ease the way forward. Thesan, I was hoping you’d have more information on healing magic than I have here. Rhysand, the healers of Illyria have dealt with traumas most other courts have not given their brand of magic and I was hoping I could speak with a few of them. I’ve promised Azriel already, but I promise my brother also, I will not stop looking.” He sighed as Elain gently squeezed his shoulder, and cupped his cheek with her hand to ground him once more.
Thesan bowed his head as he thought through his response, before he lifted his chin to speak with a soft voice. “I will see what I can find, but you are both welcome in my court anytime to look for yourselves as well. I don’t recall any cases like this off the top of my head, alas I’ve seen a lot of injuries throughout the years. If there’s anything else I can do, Azriel, for you or Eris or Linna, please let me know. I’ll send whatever I can to Valo and Jace as well.” Valo, Thesan’s son, was Linna’s mate and lived with her in the Autumn Court. He worked on healing research with Jace.
Thesan and his court made to leave and give the family time to process what had just happened, and what they’d just had to share. One his way out, he squeezed Lucien’s shoulder before he knelt beside Feyre in front of Azriel. “I can’t begin to fathom what you’re going through, Shadowsinger, but you have the support of me and my entire court. None of you are in this alone.” All Azriel could do to acknowledge the High Lord that had given him and Eris so much support when they made their relationship public, and continued to back them was a small nod. Thesan squeezed his hand tightly before he stood and left the room.
Lucien, Elain, Rhysand, Feyre, and Azriel sat in silence for many minutes. Their sorrow permeated the space and left a heavy weight in the air. After a long while, Elain was the first to speak. “I can’t see where this ends, and even if I could I wouldn't be able to say. But I can see that we have today. The only way I survive with my… gift… is to live in the moment. So try to be present as long as you can.” Lucien nodded in approval at her words, and drew her into a hug to press a kiss atop her head. Azriel nodded and sat up slightly in his chair. “You’re right, we have today. It’s more than we ever thought we’d get at one point.”
Elain and Lucien took that moment to leave, arms wrapped around each other. Elain grabbed Feyre’s hand and brought her with them. Lucien rested a hand briefly on Azriel’s shoulder in quiet comfort. Rhysand and Azriel were finally alone, and he broke down again. Rhysand moved to kneel in front of his brother, who cried into his hands as huge sobs wracked his frame. “Az, what do you need? What can I do?” Rhys had never seen him like this. For a fae to know they were losing their mate before they were gone and to be able to do nothing to stop it was…unfathomable. After everything the two had gone through, Rhys knew this pain must be immense. They weren’t youthful fae, but they definitely weren’t old yet. They’d all thought they had much more time.
Azriel cried until his eyes hurt, and his brother simply stayed by him. When he could speak, his voice was hoarse from use and emotion. “I don’t know how to do this, Rhys. I didn’t want to believe it was happening. But Lucien explained his research to me right before the meeting, and then for him to forget Helion and mother…”
Rhysand lightly grasped Azriel’s wrists, pulled them from his face, and looked his brother in the eyes. “Azriel, you are the strongest male I have ever met. Whatever happens, whatever you need, you can do this. We will be there every step of the way. I vowed to you and Cassian that I would help you whenever I could until the day we died. We carry that mark together.” He allowed his gaze to drift to Azriel’s left rib cage, where he, Az, and Cassian all shared the same bargain tattoo of three touching stars. “I meant it then, and I mean it now. We’ve got you Az. I’ll fill Cassian in as soon as I can. Whatever you need just let us know. But you should go be with Eris now, go be with your mate. Let us take the load off for a bit and help Lucien with the research.” Azriel nodded, relieved to find some strength in his brothers and their bargain. “Okay…” He shuddered in a centering breath. “You’re right. We will get through this. He and I always do.”
After the High Lord’s meeting, Lucien and Azriel sat down with Eris and explained what he had said, and what they thought was happening. As they spoke, he wore a face of calm neutrality. Once they’d finished he sat quietly for a long moment, his elbows on his knees and his fingers pressed to his mouth. Eventually, he gazed up at Azriel. “I knew it was something. I didn’t expect this…but, I knew. Of course I’ll give up my title. It’s not safe for me or for the court for me to keep it. Please tell Linna I’m sorry.”
Azriel grasped Eris’s hands in a second and knelt before his mate as he had so many times before. “No love, there’s no need to apologize. Linna’s aware of everything, and she’s ready. She knows it, we know it. In fact, I think she’s quite excited, just not about the circumstances. We will get through this Eris, I will get you through this.” Azriel pressed kisses to Eris’s hands as Eris rested his forehead against Azriel’s hair. Lucien left them then, to give them privacy and informed Linna on how the conversation was received by her Papa. Life as they knew it from that day forward was different.
Over the next several decades, Azriel and Eris fell into a routine. They entered a sort of retirement and stepped away from all court work to enjoy the time they had left. Eris slowly forgot more and more things. It started with more names, and eventually he was unable to remember ages. He typically assumed individuals were much younger. More and more frequently Azriel would find Eris agitated, unable to find his long dead mother and frustrated at his inability to seek her comfort or protect her from Beron.. But Eris always remembered Azriel. His mate could still calm him down quickly, most of the time. The worst days for Azriel were the days when Eris believed Beron was still alive and High Lord of the Autumn court. Eris cowered and raged in equal measure, terrified that his father would torture him, or harm Azriel and the children.
But every time, Azriel talked him out of it. They fell into a new rhythm. Eris was lucid almost all day, only had bouts of confusion. Most days he and Azriel could be found playing chess under their tree.
Many years passed. Lucien searched the world for a cure relentlessly. He scoured the court with his nephew Jace, who conducted his own research as they pursued answers. They never found any kind of treatment. The only thing they amassed were more stories of fae who had met the same unfortunate fate from repeated, traumatic brain injuries. Every day, Azriel remembered Elain’s words. They became his mantra. Live in the moment, he thought to himself every morning when he woke up and Eris still drew breath beside him, enjoy every second we have .
When Eris was 1832 years old, he turned another corner. He, Azriel, Linna, and Jace were having dinner as a family when it happened. Eris had been relatively lucid that day. He still remembered his mate and his children without fail before this event marked another monumental change in his memory.
Eris suddenly began to speak as if the war against Hybern had just ended. “Koschei is a threat, Azriel, we need to be careful. I don’t want you kids out of court bounds. Briallyn still has my troops under the crown's thrall and I don’t know what I would do if she got you too. I can’t lose any of you.”
“Eris, love, Koschei is dead. Remember? We talked about this earlier.” Before dinner, Eris had had a bout of confusion where he thought they were still fighting Koschei, but as soon as Azriel mentioned he was dead, Eris returned to the right time and place. That was how it had gone to that point. Someone explained the situation to him and he regained his grasp on time.
Suddenly, he stood up from the table. His urgency rocked the settings and sent silverware abruptly across the floor. “My troops…father will kill me. I have to go. We have to get them Azriel, my father… he will have my hide. I can’t go back to that dungeon with him.” Eris began pacing like a man possessed. Jace and Linna shared a look with their dad across the table. Papa had never been this bad. Azriel stood and went to Eris, placed his hands softly on either side of his face. “Look at me mate, it’s okay. He can’t hurt you anymore.”
“He’s locked up?”
“He can’t get to you, he’s dead, remember?”
“No, he can’t be, I saw him earlier today, mother looked so scared with him. I’m worried he’s hurting her again. Please tell me he’s locked up.” Eris gripped Azriel’s wrists with white knuckles, terror stricken across his face. “You have to get out of here Az. If he sees you, if he finds out about me…he’ll kill us. He can’t know about the bond. We haven't even gotten a chance to accept it yet. Please go. I can’t let him hurt you.”
A brief flicker of pain flashed across Azriel’s face before he responded to Eris. He hadn’t seen his mate this scared since before Beron had died, and he was certain their children had never seen it at all. Azriel knew his mate would never show this fear in front of them, and would instead find a way to bring them comfort and strength while he battled his demons internally. “He’s locked up, my love, he can’t get to either of us. Your mother is resting in her room, and I have attendants with her. My shadows are hiding me from Beron. I’ll be okay.”
Eris visibly relaxed. He released Azriel’s wrists and pulled his arms into his chest. “I’m so scared…” his soft voice shook, almost inaudible even to Azriel’s fae hearing. He wrapped his mate up into his arms, tucked him into his chest and gently rubbed his back. Over Eris’ head, he looked back at his children where they sat at the table and had watched this terror unfold in their papa.
Not once before then had Eris ever forgotten that he and Azriel were fully bonded. An accepted bond and an uncompleted bond were quite different, and that moment marked a rapid decline in Eris’s memory and lucidity. Azriel settled his mate in bed before he returned to the table, where his children still sat.
“Dad?” Linna asked softly, “what does this mean?”
Azriel took a moment to gauge his response before he addressed his children, but it was Jace who responded first with clinical precision in his voice.
“Everything Uncle Lucien and I have found indicates that there is no set progression for this type of injury. But every corner he turns is one step further from lucidity and one step closer to the end. I think we just have to be more grateful for any time we have left.”
Linna’s breath caught in her throat and her eyes filled with tears. She didn’t speak, just nodded slowly. Azriel knew. He knew that this could only be a sign that the end was closer, but he couldn’t voice that. So instead, he held out a hand to each of his children. They accepted, and clasped their free hands together as well. While they sat in an unbroken circle, Azriel addressed them both. “Your papa is the strongest person I’ve ever met, and he loves you both more than anything in the world. Remember that. Remember our days at the tree, and all the good times we’ve had. And live in the moment. Take every second we have left. I love you both, and I know how hard this must be…” Azriel’s breath caught, and his children tightened their grips on either of his hands.
“We know dad,” Linna spoke softly to her father. She didn’t need him to continue to know what he was trying to say. “We’re here for you too.”
Jace chimed in next. “We love you dad, and we love papa too.”
The family sat in silence, and found strength in each other for whatever would come next.
Things continued to progress more quickly after that dinner. Most days, Eris thought he and Azriel were still courting. He recognized his children, but confused how old they were and sometimes lost their names. But he knew Azriel was his mate, and that the children were theirs. He wasn't sure how he and Az managed it with Beron watching them, but Azriel never tried to explain and Eris didn't ask. Lucien and Jace continued to run themselves ragged researching, but they’d begun to focus more on symptom management than on finding a cure.
Eris lived in fear of Beron, Koschei, and Briallyn daily, convinced the war against Hybern was only a few years ago and that they must be prepared for an attack. Some days Eris went missing, only to be found in training with the guards. They let him, and made sure he didn't get injured. Azriel was always there with Eris as he trained, sometimes participating, and others just observing. Eris courted him like he did while they were still hiding from Beron, before they accepted the bond.
But every once in a while, the family had a golden day. On those days, Eris was fully lucid. The four of them dropped their responsibilities and all met at the tree. Jace and Linna filled their papa in on everything that had happened, and he listened intently while love filled every crease and wrinkle of his face. Azriel refused to move from his side, keeping contact with him in some way at all times. Eris was the same way. Every time they had a golden day, the kids give their dad and papa time alone around sunset. Eris always made it through sunset on a golden day. He may not have been lucid until late afternoon, but he always stayed lucid through the rest of that day. No one understood how, or why, and they never questioned it.
So golden day sunsets became Azriel and Eris’s time. They always played chess, Eris taking the white pieces and giving Azriel the black, to 'match his shadows' he said. The advantage this gave Eris as the first to make a move was never discussed. And they talked. Azriel filled Eris in on his life, and kept his mate abreast of how his condition progressed. Sometimes they made love under the tree, like they had all those years ago before they knew about the bond, and after they knew but couldn’t yet accept it. Eris would fall asleep against Azriel under the tree, and Az carried him back to their bed, mentally cataloging every second of the day in his mind as he did.
When Eris was 1867 he had a particularly good day. Azriel woke up in their bed to find Eris already awake, watching him sleep. It didn't take him long to realize his mate was lucid, that it would be one of their golden days. Azriel almost cried then and there. Eris hadn’t been lucid in years at that point, and Azriel almost couldn’t believe it. But his mate whispered in his ear, told him everything he remembered, and everything he didn't. They held each other until the sun was fully up, before they rose and found the children for family breakfast. They ate together in the main dining hall and enjoyed all of Eris’ favorites before they packed up a picnic and left for the tree.
Linna and Jace wasted no time filling their papa in on their lives. Linna and Valo had welcomed another youngling, their first daughter, into the world, and Eris cried when he heard. He hugged his own daughter so tightly she almost couldn't breathe, but she didn't ask him to let go. Jace filled him in on his research. The pride shining in Eris’ eyes as he listened to his son explain was something Jace and Azriel would never be able to forget. After the family caught up, they played a few games of chess, and Eris remarked how Linna might actually be able to beat him, unlike their dad, which set everyone into a raucous fit of laughter. Even Azriel joined in, despite being the butt of the joke, because all he cared about was that they were all together and his mate was happy. At sunset, Jace and Linna both hugged Eris goodbye. He took one of each of their hands and held them at arm's length, looking them up and down as if he were trying to memorize them forever.
“Whatever happens, I want you two to know that I am so proud of you. Linna, you’ve shown me what true leadership is. Jace, the work you’re doing amazes me. You’ve both made a great difference in my life, and I know you will change the world. I love you both so much. Never forget that.” All three stood there with tears in their eyes for a moment, before they embraced each other. Azriel stood behind his mate, watched his family and the love they shared with reverence. Eris placed a kiss on each of his child's foreheads before they left to return to the forest house.
Once they were alone, Azriel and Eris sat at the base of the tree in front of the chess board.
“One more game before the sun sets, Shadowsinger? Let’s see if you can actually beat me this time. Maybe Linna has taught you a thing or two you can use.”
Azriel smirked at his mate, the expression full of a love only they shared. Eris returned it with his best competitive sneer, but failed to fully hide the smile behind it. “Only if you think you can handle me.” Azriel stretched his arms and flexed his wings in show.
Eris responded, “Oh mate, I’ve always been able to handle you. The question is if you can handle me.”
“Anytime, anywhere. But I think I prefer our current locale.”
Eris made his first move. “Always the sap, you overgrown bat.”
“You know it.”
They played and bantered well into the sunset. Eris won every round, of course, but Azriel didn’t mind. They’d had a full day together. A wondrous day. After the last round, Eris yawned and stretched, and Azriel was just as enchanted as he was a thousand years ago as he watched his mate tuck his hair behind his pointed ear. His red hair was now streaked with white, but Eris knew how Azriel loved to see the vivid auburn strands reflect the sunset as it fell over his shoulder and exposed his finely freckled ear. Azriel watched the motion with deep reverence, and seared it into his mind.
“Azriel?”
“Yes love?”
“Can we walk back to the house together? I know I typically fall asleep out here and you carry me in.” Azriel was slightly taken aback at the revelation. Eris had never remembered that before and he hadn’t mentioned it that day, but he chose to take it as a gift and analyze it no further.
“Of course, anything for you.”
They stood and started the walk back to the forest house. A few paces from their clearing, Eris turned and looked back at the tree. Azriel came up behind him, wrapped his mate in his arms and rested his head on his High Lord’s shoulder. Eris sighed softly, nuzzling back into him in contentment.
“Thank you,” he whispered softly.
“For what?” Az responded with quiet reverence. Neither broke their gaze from the tree.
“I can’t imagine what this must be like for you…You’ve saved me so many times. From Koschei, from my father… and now from myself. Just, thank you. For all the time we’ve had. I love you Azriel.”
Tears lined Azriel’s eyes at Eris’ words. Days like this were what he’d lived for, and he would do anything to keep his mate happy and protected. He was so thankful for all the experiences they’d had together, but this moment was one of the most special. He nuzzled his face further into Eris’ neck and breathed in his mate's scent before he pulled back only slightly to respond.
“It has all been worth it, Eris. You are worth it. I love you too.”
Eris turned in Azriel’s arms to press a soft kiss to his lips, and then another. And before either knew it their touches were fevered and kisses bruising. Azriel picked his mate up in his arms, who wrapped his legs around his back, just below his wings. They returned a few paces back to their spot, and made love to each other with everything they had, like it could be the last time.
They laid there, sweaty and satisfied under their tree, watching the stars through its canopy. Eris curled his head further into Azriel's chest, where he lay. “I still want to fall asleep in bed with you tonight.”
Azriel pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “Then we better start walking, love.”
And so they did. Both took one more look at their tree, hand in hand, before they made the walk back to the forest house. That night, Eris cuddled up in bed with Azriel, curled into his chest. As Azriel lost his battle with sleep, he swore he heard Eris say softly “I will love you forever,” as the darkness took him under.