Work Text:
"No" Kaveh whispered.
"No?" AlHaitham has backed away slightly
"Kaveh, I don't think you have any say in th-"
Kaveh threw the keys into Haitham's face.
"I said no, I'm leaving" Kaveh took Mehrak who floated over, with no real choice. "You said 1 year, and now I am leaving, I didn't change my mind."
AlHaitham scoffed at the remark.
"Fine, but don't come crying once you get kicked out of everywhere"
A fool.
AlHaitham was a fool.
Kaveh knew leaving the house was inevitable, afterall they were too different, and AlHaitham never tried to emphasize with his sensitivity.
It hurt each time when AlHaitham insulted him, and even if he had hated the man, he was still seeking the goddamn validation.
He failed his father, when he encouraged him to take part in competition that led to his demise, when he basically killed him.
He failed his mother when she moved to Fontaine, she build a new family and there will never place for him in her life again, she moved on from their past life, but he was left with nothing.
He failed Tighnari and Cyno when he complained too much. Was it his words that hurt them the most? Doesn't matter, once they were quieter and started distancing themselves from him he begun declining their invitation until they stopped coming.
He still went out, coming back drunk from the cheapest alcohol he could find in a store and getting himself wrecked so that AlHaitham doesn't suspect he drove away even his dear friends.
He disappointed Madam Faruzan, when he couldn't be there for her lecture when he promised, but didn't make it due to fainting and passing out for a whole day she stopped approaching him.
And finally AlHaitham.
He disappointed him the most, when he let him stay with him that goddamn deal was made.
But Kaveh knew from the beginning what his answer be. 'I will never abandon art, it is the only thing there is left for me'
It was foolish for AlHaitham to think Kaveh would ever abandon the only thing that can't leave him.
But that year prepared him for the plan to go into action.
Following into footsteps of his mother won't be difficult, he would just need to starve himself for couple of days until the payment comes for his last job.
Then he can take a ship to Inazuma where he can reach his new employer, The Priestess of Watatsumi Island. She wanted to rebuild living headquarters and to base it off old Enkanomiyan architecture, he couldn't wait for the project to go through.
He already gave last of his money towards AlHaithams rent and the last payments for Dori.
He was ready to start his new life.
Alone, but that was fine.
Afterwards he was just an unlovable disappointment.
Who could ever love a man who killed his own father? He wasn't deserving of love, the care, the faith people had in him, would soon dimnish as people would turn away from him after seeing his true self.
He was weak.
He couldn't ever tell when he was too much. When he emphasized too much and got taken advantage of, when people would go behind his back to hurt him because of trust he put in them, it all made sense for them to do so. He is not worth to be the great architect, that someone should be someone who people love and admire, not the hated and barely respected man he was.
He finally reached the Lambad's tavern and sneaked into it, looking if some of his old friends aren't there, he can't afford to meet them right now, not when he could accidentally open up to them.
No matter how dedicated and stubborn he was, when talking about his feelings he will cry and that would bring pity. He didn't deserve that. He was just a burden to all of them. Propably behind his back they would complain to each other how he again needs support. How he became homeless once again.
And before he knew it he heard Cyno's Laugh and Tighnari's sighing from nearby, and quickly exited the tavern.
His plan foiled, he needed to get out here, he can propably sleep in the forest nearby his magnum opus. If he went the other way he would risk running into some poor forest rangers, and those would mention it to Tighnari.
And so he reached for Mehrak and went towards the way out of the city. That would be his only saving grace.
The moment he could see the Palace of Alcazarzaray, he had made his way behind it, remembering the way towards the cave he found. He knew it would be safe for a couple of days to stay in it, until he can tell Lambad to not send his commission money to AlHaitham but to keep it with him, and so he can pick it up and leave for Port Ormos.
"Hey, Mehrak?" Kaveh questioned after setting one blanket on the stone. "Do you think leaving through Liyue Harbor will be a better idea? I don't want to bother anyone here"
He only heard one beep that sounded almost confused and he scoffed.
"Oh don't give me that look, they won't even care I am gone, they will be better than ever without me there" He turned away from Mehrak "Now, goodnight, I need to wake up early to reach Lambad as soon as possible, I do not want to deal with possibly meeting Alhaitham working to his job later on, he might start showing off his comfy house to me."
It was never a home. Home was where his close people where. And his last close person who he didn't chase away with his disgracefulness was his father who was dead.
Afterall he died before he could see how his poor excuse of a son he turned out to be. Not his mother, not his friends, not anyone wanted to understand him. He was just the fool who trusted to easily, got hurt even easier.
And fell for the smallest kindness that was shown to him. His heart begged for love but no-one answered. There was no-one behind the door, no matter how much he opened his heart to them. When the door was opened he could only hear the steps of walking away, as just knocking on his heart was a huge mistake.
He could never do anything right.
He could never be enough as himself.
But it hurt to be someone else.
He craved for something that was unreachable to him, he craved for love that was never going to be his.
Neither it be platonic nor romantic, he didn't deserve to be loved.
His stifled sobs and thoughts of ripping himself apart lulled him to sleep.
He is barely there with no alcohol to quiet down his thoughts.
Yet another proof of the utter mess he was.
When the morning came he rushed down towards the body of water surrounding the Palace. He had to clean up his face, even if no-one wanted to see it he should avoid making it look even worse with visible tear marks.
There was a possibility someone would feel pity and approach him to ask what's wrong. He doesn't want to go into tears in the city.
Mehrak slowly risen next to him and started bumping into his arm.
When his attention was finally caught he noticed her smile, which caused him a little confusion, why did she smile?
"Mehrak, it's fine you don't have to cheer me up, I am okay" he said and stood up and called her over and went towards the city, hoping he looks somewhat presentable.
What he didn't expect was walking into Lambad's only to be jumped by a white haired man.
"Kaveh, where were you? Me and Tighnari invited you yesterday, and when you walked in you immediately left!" Cyno looked over him, scanning his features "We checked at your home and Alhaitham said you left, Kaveh yesterday was-"
Kaveh shook off the shorter man "Cyno, it is not your business, I have something to talk with the barman-"
"Oh no, you don't" Tighnari reached for his arm to stop him "That will not do, Kaveh you missed your birthday dinner. What is going on."
Kaveh just shrugged him off "I'm fine" he squeezed Mehrak's handle as he took in a shaky breath. He can't cry, not in front of them, not right now.
"Kaveh, AlHaitham is still looking for you in the city." Cyno harshly informed him "Again, where were you? What happened?"
Kaveh just tried to chase the tears away, he can't break, not when he is so far in, when he can't finally let them get a break from him, when he can free them from his presence.
He had to be stronger, just for a little while, just until he can get the money and leave.
He can run.
If he needs to he will never stop running from his past.
He can't get close to them again. He will hurt them, and he will hurt himself when they end up suffering because they interacted with someone as lowly as himself.
He did not deserve their pity nor their concern.
His breath was getting faster with each second as he begun to hear steps behind himself.
Those familiar steps.
Those scary steps of judgement.
He would never be good enough for him.
"Don't worry about me, I," he snapped "I, m fine"
And he turned around and pushed last entering Alhaitham into the street and ran holding to Mehrak for his dear life.
He didn't hear any steps behind himself.
Good.
But he can't stop running.
Before he knew it he was on the crossing of the roads.
And there was a man right behind him.
"if you thought you could outrun me, you are a fool Kaveh" The dark-skinned man scoffed.
Right. He forgot he was not good in anything, not even in running away.
He breathed out.
"Cyno, listen it's okay, alright?" He felt the tears pricking on his eyes "I finally got out of debt, I am going to leave Sumeru and never bother any of you again, I got a job in Inazuma, it's well paid and I can get my life together there."
Cyno stared at him blankly, as if he stopped listening to him.
"What do you mean, never bother any of you again?" He hissed out "Kaveh, what do you mean bother"