Archive of Our Own

It was 2 AM, but they were at the dining table. Kaveh was sitting on the chair, and Alhaitham was standing beside him—carefully placing a bowl of minty bean soup in front of Kaveh.

"Eat," Alhaitham said, "And then join me in the bedroom to sleep,"

Between his gritted teeth, Kaveh managed to say, "Thanks,"

Alhaitham didn't say anything when he walked away from the table and went to the living room to sit on the couch, and went back to read the book he was reading when Kaveh entered the house earlier.

Kaveh could feel warmth pooling in his eyes when started eating the soup, and if Alhaitham saw him and decided to ask, he would just blame the minty taste of the soup. It wasn't bad. Just very minty.

The way Kaveh loved it, in fact.

…and it made him want to cry even more.

The fact that after everything Alhaitham still remembered his preference. They didn't even talk for like, what, two years? Three? Kaveh lost count. After that day he buried himself in projects and built a whole palace that became his magnum opus, all only to distract himself from the thoughts of Alhaitham after their fight. 

And then, suddenly… they were married.

A marriage was arranged by the sages of Akademiya to "maintain a good relationship with the other darshan", especially since Kshahrewar and Haravatat had a long history of rivalry. One day Kaveh was summoned by the Kshahrewar sage, who asked him if he was in a relationship.

On paper, Kaveh was against the idea of an arranged marriage between two people who didn't love each other. If anyone told him that someone was arranging a marriage between them and someone they didn't love, Kaveh would do anything in his power to stop that. Because to him, marriage was a sacred thing. Love was a sacred thing. And to think that someone was robbed of their choice to marry the person they loved was really heartbreaking.

But when it was Kaveh who was asked to marry someone he didn't even know, he could only nod.

… especially when the sage said, "It's your choice, my boy, if you don't want to do it, then you don't have to. I suppose our members can handle the funding cut from the Grand Sage anyway, hmm?"

And Kaveh knew.

He knew what the sage was implying: if he refused this, they would make it hard for the Kshahrewar members just to get funds. It was a threat.

It wasn't something he could refuse.

"Can I at least ask who… the person is?"

The person he was going to marry.

"I believe you know him… you did a project with him a few years ago,"

Kaveh could feel his heart dropping to the floor.

"It's Alhaitham of Haravatat,"

Alhaitham closed his book the moment Kaveh finished eating, and without being said, Kaveh knew that Alhaitham was watching him. He washed the dishes, and Alhaitham stood near the kitchen doorway, not showing any sign he'd leave before Kaveh was done.

Only when he was sure Kaveh was following him, Alhaitham walked toward the bedroom and opened the door.

That night, a week after their marriage, was the first night they slept side by side.

On their first night, sure, they went to bed together. But both of them acknowledged the giant elephant in the room, so they did nothing. Of course. They couldn’t even look each other in the eyes, let alone something more intimate than that. After a few hours of lying in bed, wide awake, Kaveh decided to leave the bed and sleep on the couch.

After that, he always slept on the couch. He went to work the very next day before Alhaitham even woke up, and went back after Alhaitham went to sleep. A week passed, and Alhaitham seemed to notice what he was doing, and this night, he actually waited until Kaveh came home.

No matter how long Kaveh was just standing outside, waiting for the lights to be turned off.

Alhaitham didn't say anything about it, though. He told Kaveh to take shower while he fetched something for Kaveh to eat, and Kaveh just nodded. And then there they were, sharing the bed after one week of being married. They were lying there, facing the opposite side, and there was a large space between them.

None of them could sleep, and they knew this.

The only thing they could hear was a deafening silence,

until Alhaitham spoke, "Don't stay out too late just to avoid me,"

Kaveh's body tensed.

"If you don't want to talk, then I won't force you to. Just don't stay out too late. It's not good for your health… and knowing you, you must have been skipping meals too,"

No answer from Kaveh.

"...you can talk to me if you need anything,"

… what was Kaveh supposed to say to that?

But apparently, true to his words, Alhaitham wasn't expecting an answer from Kaveh. After a few seconds, he just said, "Goodnight,"

Kaveh closed his eyes, not replying to that.

The next morning was the first time Alhaitham saw Kaveh still in the house when he woke up.

When he noticed that the bed beside him was empty, he thought, Yeah. Of course, he's already gone.

But then he heard the sound of a hot kettle for a few seconds—followed by an "Sshh!"—and when he went out of the bedroom, he saw Kaveh sitting on the couch he usually slept on, and a cup of coffee in his hands.

And another cup of coffee on the other side of the table.

Alhaitham looked at Kaveh. They made eye contact for a few seconds, but nobody said anything. Kaveh just nodded really slightly—confirming that, yes, the coffee was for Alhaitham—before quickly sipping his coffee, ignoring the bitter taste and burn on his tongue, just so he had an excuse to break the contact.

No words were exchanged that morning, either.

Their marriage wasn’t built on love, that was the fact they both acknowledged.

Their marriage was a symbol for the people of Sumeru, that even two people from the Haravatat and Kshahrewar—who were known to be constantly against each other’s throats—could set aside their differences and live together in harmony. It was a show for people to watch.

It was kinda tragic to know what was actually happening behind the “harmony” facade.

Thanks to Alhaitham for being naturally distant from unnecessary crowds, they didn’t have to interact in public a lot. They didn’t even see each other that much outside. Even if they did for once, they would just exchange a glance, acknowledge each other’s existence, and just continue what they were doing.

And people would see that exchanged glance as a language of love.

How wrong could they be?

It was Kaveh’s fault. Kaveh knew about this.

If he wasn’t such a coward, they wouldn’t be living this awkward marriage life with only interacting with each other on the bare minimum. After their fight, Kaveh left Alhaitham, and ignored every effort the scribe made to contact him. He remembered how Alhaitham tried to use the house that the Akademiya rewarded them for their research—the very house they were living in currently—as an excuse to talk to him. It was obvious. He knew Alhaitham and his schemes a bit too well. Alhaitham made sure everyone in Sumeru told Kaveh that he was looking for the architect. Everywhere he went, he heard someone saying, "There's a guy looking for you—tall, muscular guy, gray hair, I think he's one of the Matas?"

Maybe it was Alhaitham's plan to drive him crazy enough to finally snap and come to him. But Kaveh's cowardice was stronger than Alhaitham's plan, so what did he do, instead of talking to Alhaitham, and probably gave closure for the both of them?

He sent someone to tell Alhaitham and the Akademiya that he didn't need the house. Alhaitham could have it for himself.

Stop looking for him.

He never heard from Alhaitham again after that.

Alhaitham tried to reach out. Kaveh slapped the hand away.

So, yeah. It was his fault.

It was a rare day when Kaveh got back before Alhaitham did.

Alhaitham was surprised when he noticed the door was unlocked—part of him even thought for a moment that he forgot to lock the door—but he got an answer as quickly as he opened the door and smelled something delicious in the air.

Peeking the kitchen, there was Kaveh. Cooking.

Also startled when he finally realized Alhaitham's presence.

"Archons, at least say something!"

Alhaitham stared at him for a moment before saying, "...sorry,"

Kaveh looked like he was going to say something else, but then something hit him—as if he just remembered that he wasn't supposed to say anything. As if the clutching feeling around his heart was back, after being free for a few seconds.

So he just said, after clearing his throat, "Dinner's… almost ready," as if he needed to explain.

Which Alhaitham appreciated, actually, because Kaveh was implying that he was invited.

And it felt… nice.

They had dinner together that night.

Albeit a silent dinner, it was much better than eating alone.

Suddenly, dinner became a new habit for both of them.

Alhaitham cooked more often since he was usually the one who came home first. If Alhaitham cooked, Kaveh would wash the dishes. Vica versa. One or two words might have been exchanged, but they were mostly silent.

They wouldn't admit it out loud, maybe they didn’t even realize it, but they would leave anything they were doing to have this silent dinner with each other.

One night, Kaveh was awoken by gasping noises beside him.

By reflex, he turned around and saw Alhaitham. Sitting with his back against the headboard, one of his hands was clutching his chest,

while the other was in the large space between them, clutching the sheets.

"Alhaitham..?"

But Alhaitham didn't answer him, and that was the moment when the fogginess in his mind suddenly cleared up with the realization of what was happening. So quickly, Kaveh got up and moved closer to Alhaitham; pushing aside the scribe's legs to make a space for Kaveh to kneel between them.

"Alhaitham," he called his name again, now placing his hands on both sides of Alhaitham's face, "Hey. Hey, hey, hey, can you hear me?"

Alhaitham's eyes looked unfocused, but he managed to breathe out a word, "K-Kaveh—"

"I'm here," Kaveh whispered softly, one hand let go of Alhaitham's face to take his hand that was clutching onto the sheets—prying it open so he would let go, replacing the sheets with his hand for Alhaitham to hold.

And Alhaitham held his hand tight.

Alhaitham's breaths were still rapid. His eyes were still unfocused. Kaveh wasn't sure what to do—was Alhaitham having a panic attack? His words didn't seem to reach him, but a few times, Alhaitham repeated the same word.

His name.

Words couldn't register in his mind, and it seemed hard for him to even breathe,

and yet Alhaitham was calling his name.

Kaveh didn’t move from his place. Holding Alhaitham, whispering words to him, reassuring him that he was here. Begging him to come back to him. Until eventually, all he could do was hold him—

and Alhaitham’s breaths went slower.

Alhaitham blinked. His eyes seem more focused.

“...Kaveh?”

Oh, he was calling his name now.

Calling his name like he was here. Not like he was miles away from him like he did before.

…which made Kaveh feel a twist in his stomach, realizing how close they were. Suddenly his heart beat too fast in anxiety, and it made him dizzy. No, no, no, he wasn’t supposed to be this close with Alhaitham! What was he thinking? Why couldn’t he just leave him be? Kaveh opened his mouth, only to close it again because words failed him, so he let go of Alhaitham to get away from him.

Yet Alhaitham’s hold on his hand was even tighter, and his other hand was holding Kaveh’s wrist—keeping his hand on the side of his face.

“W-wait,” Alhaitham said, still seemingly out of breath, “Is it okay if… we stay like this for a bit?”

And, oh, the hesitation in Alhaitham’s voice was killing Kaveh.

Why did he sound so desperate?

Why did he even want Kaveh to touch him?

He just had a panic attack, Kaveh told himself, It’s not like he wants you. It can be just anybody. You just happen to be the closest.

Yes. It had to be that.

So Kaveh nodded, “Okay,” and squeezed Alhaitham’s hand back to emphasize his affirmation.

Alhaitham loosened up his grip, letting Kaveh lie down and make himself more comfortable.

He slept with Kaveh in his arms.

…and when they woke up, they didn’t say anything.

Kaveh thought about asking Alhaitham what happened last night. Was it a nightmare? Why was he calling his name, of all people?---no, he wouldn’t ask the latter, he just couldn’t help but worry. But worrying was normal, right? After all, he just saw someone having a full panic attack in front of him. It wasn’t like he was worried about Alhaitham because he was Alhaitham… right?

He didn’t have any right to worry.

He lost all the right to worry about him the night he left him all alone.

Alhaitham wasn’t sleeping. Kaveh knew that much.

By now, he already remembered Alhaitham’s breathing pattern. Okay, maybe a bit before this whole arranged marriage thing, but he knew when Alhaitham was sleeping or just pretending to be asleep. Kaveh also knew that it was none of his business if Alhaitham was sleeping or not, but he just couldn’t stop thinking about it. So he got up from the bed, and just as expected, Alhaitham turned around until he was lying on his side—now facing Kaveh.

“Stay here,” Kaveh said, “I’ll make you something warm to drink,”

Alhaitham didn’t say anything until Kaveh reached the doorway.

And what he said was,

“Coffee,”

…

Kaveh turned around, eyes squinting at Alhaitham.

“ Tea, ” he said, with full offense—ready to argue with Alhaitham in this.

For a moment, Alhaitham was silent, until he finally said, “...with mint,”

…well, that was rare.

But not something Kaveh disagreed with.

Since Alhaitham asked for a tea with mint, Kaveh figured he’d make one for himself too. He wondered what it was about, though. Not like he was gatekeeping mint or something ridiculous like that, but between the two, mint was… Kaveh’s thing. Just like architecture was his thing. So he just… wondered.

Well. A lot of people liked mint.

Maybe Alhaitham just grew to like it when they didn't talk to each other for years.

Kaveh was pouring the tea into the cups when he heard the sound of the bedroom door being opened, and he saw Alhaitham peeking—which wasn't really subtle, but Kaveh appreciated the effort.

Realizing Kaveh's stare at him, Alhaitham finally fully opened the door, "Can't sleep,"

Yeah. That was why Kaveh didn't want to make him coffee.

"Sit in the living room, I'll be with you in a moment,"

Kaveh brought the tea to the living room, and they drank in silence.

And when they slept later that night, the space between them wasn't as large as it was before.

(warning: nsfw topic)

Their project went pretty smoothly, so Kaveh was dragged by his juniors to the Lambad’s Tavern to celebrate. Unable to refuse the invitation, he joined them and drink—though he told himself to not drink too much. One drink and that was it. He couldn’t afford to get drunk. Not when Alhaitham was probably already at home, cooking dinner for both of them. He also told his juniors that he couldn’t stay for too long.

“Oh, yeah, you’re a married man now!” Hassan said, “Say, Senior, is the Scribe any good in bed?”

Kaveh blinked, “Huh? Bed? What do you—” he looked at his juniors’ faces who looked at him, smirking.

He gulped.

His face suddenly felt so hot.

“ Oh, ”

His reaction made his juniors laugh.

“Come on, Senior! We’re all adults here, you can tell us anything!”

“It’s… it’s not something you just ask someone!” Kaveh groaned, “Ugh, you guys call yourselves adults but you ask things like a horny teenager who just reached puberty,”

“Ohh? Is Senior Kaveh deflecting because the answer is, ‘Yes, the Scribe is so good in bed I barely can catch up’?”

His face went even redder, “Shut up!!”

Then there was laughter, and Kaveh was too annoyed to join the rest of the conversation. Okay, maybe not annoyed annoyed, but he gave them sour look that made them just grin even more before carrying on with the conversation while Kaveh sipped his wine slowly, trying to forget what just happened.

Is the Scribe any good in bed?

…how was he supposed to know?

They never did it. The closest thing to physical contact they ever did was Kaveh holding Alhaitham, and letting himself be held later—and that was because Alhaitham had a goddamn panic attack, nothing to be bragged about.

But now he couldn’t help but wonder about it.

How good would Alhaitham be..?

Kaveh remembered Alhaitham’s strong hands gripping his wrist–

Fuck.

“Ahh!” Kaveh let out a frustrated groan, and just drank all of his wine at once. Dammit. He was too sober to think about Alhaitham. He wasn’t supposed to think about Alhaitham. Their marriage wasn’t even real. Like, okay, it was real, but it wasn’t their decision.

They still had a pretty big elephant in the room too… Kaveh couldn’t imagine having anything else with Alhaitham.

He put down his glass with a thud on the table, “Master! I’ll have another glass—”

“No, he won’t,”

Hearing the voice, Kaveh almost fell from his chair when he got up really quickly to turn around,

and saw Alhaitham behind him.

“Alhaitham?! What… what are you doing here?”

“I was going to buy some wine for our dinner tonight, but apparently you already had some, hmm?”

Kaveh was at a loss for words.

…what was he supposed to do now? They barely ever interacted inside the house, let alone in public. This was the first time they actually interacted in public—after their wedding, of course, because they had to pretend they were in love so the people of Sumeru that were invited believed that the whole wedding was real—so what..?

“I… uh…”

But Alhaitham cut his words, “Let’s go home,” he said.

…and… was that a smile on his face?

It was only faintly… but..?

Huh??

“O-okay,” Kaveh nodded, “And your wine..?”

“I’ll ask the Master to deliver it to our house,”

Our house, he said.

Alhaitham left him to talk to the owner, and Kaveh was still frozen in his place. Unable to process what just happened. Why was Alhaitham even talking to him? So casually, even? Fuck, he had so much on his mind. He slowly went to sit back on his chair, and he was greeted by his juniors’ gaze looking at him.

“What..?”

“Senior…” Alya said, “You’re really smitten, aren’t you?”

"Huh?! What… what are you talking about?!"

A mischievous grin showed up on Alya's face, "Come on, you were completely speechless. In fact, you remind me of how I talked to my crush when I was 12,"

"He's not my crush! He's literally my husband!"

Apparently, he yelled loud enough for the whole tavern to hear.

Even Alhaitham who was talking to the owner had to turn his head at him—

fuck. 

Why did he look so amused?

And that… that… what was with the fondness in his eyes?

What the hell, Alhaitham?! Is he mocking him?!

“Argh!” Kaveh groaned, and he snatched Hassan’s glass and chugged the wine in it, “I’m leaving! Oi, Alhaitham, I’ll be waiting outside!”

Not even five minutes later, Alhaitham joined him.

They walked back home in silence, as usual—

but Alhaitham had his hand around Kaveh’s waist the whole time.

Kaveh was too stunned to even think to pull away.

(When they arrived home, Alhaitham still had his hand around his waist.

“Alhaitham,”

“Hm?”

“We’re home now… you can stop pretending,”

Alhaitham blinked, “What? Oh… sorry,”)

Alhaitham was weird…

Kaveh was willing to forget about what happened in the tavern. Really. He was also willing to forget about what Alhaitham's hand felt around his waist, he was willing to forget how that night Alhaitham slept facing him, he was willing to forget how in the morning Alhaitham waited for him to wake up before leaving the bed.

He was… willing to forget.

But Alhaitham was… weird.

They weren't supposed to interact more than necessary, were they..? This marriage wasn't even real.

Maybe… Alhaitham hated him.

Because of what he said years ago. Because Kaveh left him alone. Because he tried to reach out and Kaveh just pushed him away.

…he never even bothered trying to bring up what happened between them.

Ah.

There was no chance of forgiveness, was it?

Before he even knew it, they started leaving the house at the same time…

…coming back home at the same time, too…

One day he saw Alhaitham outside the construction site, waiting for him to be done with his work.

He also found himself waiting in front of the Akademiya, waiting for Alhaitham's office hours to end.

Guilt was expanding in his chest, taking up every space.

If this was wrong, then why did it feel so good..?

Just leaving the house together, walking back home… having dinner together… sharing a bed together…

Was Kaveh allowed to be comfortable with those?

One night, he made sure that Alhaitham was sleeping before turning around so he was lying on his side—facing Alhaitham who had stopped sleeping facing the other side for weeks.

…they were… facing each other.

Kaveh could feel his heart beating fast just by being this close to Alhaitham. Could he move closer? Could he close the distance between them? Was he allowed to? Would that be okay?

Anxiety was pooling in his chest, making it hard for him to breathe…

But he moved,

closer,

his hand gently sweeping away Alhaitham's hair from his face,

before pressing a really quick kiss on his forehead.

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. What had he done?

What was happening to him?

Oh, Alhaitham was going to hate him if he knew. Not like he hadn't already.

Frustration was piling up, resulting with warmth in his eyes. He had to go. He couldn't do this. He couldn't stay beside Alhaitham. It was bad for him. No, no, no.

So he hurriedly left the bed,

only for Alhaitham to call him, "...Kaveh..?"

…oh no.

Was he awake?

"Where are you going?"

Kaveh swallowed, "Bathroom," he said, "Go back to sleep,"

Alhaitham hummed in affirmation before mumbling something that sounded like, " Make sure to come back, "

…what was that supposed to mean?

But maybe Alhaitham was just sleeptalking… right?

Right.

Kaveh returned to the bed after washing his face seven times and scolding his reflection for like twenty minutes.

…or maybe more?

Because by the time he returned to bed, he could see the light creeping from the curtains.

The next day, the only thing that kept him awake was coffee.

One of his friends told him that he looked dead, and Kaveh replied, "I wish," which made them look at him with a worried look.

Fortunately, it was an easy day for them so he could go home early. As usual, he made his way to the Akademiya to wait for Alhaitham so they could return home together. He might have felt shitty, but the selfish part of him didn't want to give up what he had with Alhaitham just yet.

But before he even reached the Akademiya, he saw Alhaitham in the Grand Bazaar.

So he called for him, "Alhaitham, hey!"

He was sure Alhaitham was within hearing range—

…why didn't he answer?

He didn't even stop.

Kaveh tried again, "Alhaitham!"

Alhaitham just… walked away.

…huh?

What… what happened?

Was Alhaitham ignoring him?

Did he not want to be seen with him?

…was he awake last night..?

…

Ah…

He lost Alhaitham, didn't he?

Again..?

Kaveh went back to the house late at night, only to find Alhaitham sleeping on the couch in the living room.

A lightning bolt felt like striking his heart.

Oh, now Alhaitham wouldn't even sleep in the bedroom..?

…

Whatever.

Kaveh didn't even take a step in. He closed the door again and quietly locked it with his key from the outside.

…it was too much.

"Master! I'll have another drink!"

"Sir Kaveh, are you sure..?"

"Yesss! Give meee!"

…so. Uh. How did this happen?

Yeah. So. He left the house and went to Lambad's Tavern, because why not? He already felt shitty to begin with, might as well get a few drinks.

Only… it wasn't a few.

God knew how many glasses he had chugged. His wallet was going to suffer from this, but whatever. That was for future Kaveh to take care of, but there wouldn't be a future Kaveh if he went crazy now.

Lambad reluctantly placed another bottle on his table, glancing at him and… the woman who was sitting in front of him.

The woman who came to him when she saw him sitting alone in the tavern, said she was a Kshahrewar student who entered the Darshan because she admired him and wanted to learn. She introduced herself as Amara.

…and she looked no less concerned about his drinking than Lambad at the moment.

Noticing that, Kaveh grimaced, "I swear I don't usually drink this much… it's just… been weird lately," he said, pouring another drink into his glass.

"Oh-! It's okay, Senior, I'm just a little worried… let's slow down on the wine,"

"I'll be fine," he hiccupped, then let out a small chuckle, "What… what did you want to ask me?"

She asked him about architectural theories that she had learned in the textbook but was hard to understand, to which Kaveh happily explained. He might be drunk, but there was no stopping him from talking about what he liked.

His face looked brighter, too.

Until suddenly, he felt a touch on his shoulder—which made him almost jump from his seat.

He turned his head at the person behind him… and Alhaitham was there.

…then the bright look on his face turned sour as he slapped his hand off his shoulder, “What do you want?”

“Let’s go home,”

Kaveh clicked his tongue, “Oh, now you want to talk to me?”

Alhaitham frowned, “...what?”

“Umm, Sir Scribe,” Amara interrupted, “I think he’s… drunk,”

She gestured to the glasses on the table.

“I see,” he sighed, “You know you can’t hold your liquor, why did you drink that much?”

“I can hold my liquor!” Kaveh shouted loudly, “Just leave me alone, Alhaitham. You’ve done it the whole day, why can’t you do it now?”

The frown grew deeper, “...what do you mean?”

Kaveh took a deep breath before standing up and facing the scribe, “I’ll tell you what I mean: if you haven’t forgiven me for what happened, don’t act as if you have, and then screw me over,” for every ‘you’ he said, he poked Alhaitham’s chest with his finger, emphasizing his words, “Stop… stop playing with my feelings!”

…oh. Yeah. Alhaitham realized he wouldn’t be able to talk to Kaveh like this.

Especially with… people in the tavern now looking at them.

So he turned to the owner and said, “Master, put his bills on my tab,”

“Huh?!” Kaveh yelled, “What are you doing?”

Alhaitham grabbed Kaveh’s wrist, “We are going home,” and when Kaveh tried to pull away, he placed Kaveh’s hand around his shoulder, and slipped his hand around Kaveh’s waist—securing him from any chance of getting away as he dragged him out of the tavern.

Even after they were gone, people in the tavern could still hear Kaveh’s voice.

The moment they reached the bedroom, Alhaitham shoved him toward the bed, before once again pulling him so Kaveh sat on the edge of the bed.

“Get away from me—!”

“Shush,” Alhaitham kneeled in front of him and started taking off his clothes, “You reek of alcohol, but taking shower at this time is bad for your health. At least change clothes,”

“I can change them myself!” Kaveh tried to slap Alhaitham’s hand off—but only resulted in Alhaitham slapped his hands back, which made Kaveh whine, “It’s embarrassing…”

“I’m literally your husband,” Alhaitham replied, “Isn’t that what you said?”

Kaveh groaned, “Shut up,”

Alhaitham stood up and threw Kaveh’s clothes into a laundry hamper before searching the wardrobe to get a set of pajamas, and helping Kaveh to put them on.

Kaveh didn’t say anything as Alhaitham buttoned up the pajamas—leaving three of them on the top unbuttoned, just like how Kaveh always wore them.

“There you go, now get some sleep,”

Still, Kaveh only sat there, not doing anything. His eyes looked away from Alhaitham as he muttered, “It doesn’t matter,”

Alhaitham raised an eyebrow, “Huh?”

“It doesn’t matter that you’re my husband. It’s all fake anyway.”

He might be sleep deprived and drunk, but he knew he was acting like a child. He couldn't care less, though. He lifted his legs and lay on the bed, facing away from Alhaitham. Not wanting to see his face at the moment.

But of course, Alhaitham had to sit on the edge of the bed.

Kaveh felt fingers running through his hair, "...Kaveh, what's wrong?"

"Everything is wrong!" Kaveh snapped, his voice a bit muffled by the way he spoke while his face was pressed against the pillow, "You. Me. This marriage—" my feelings, he managed to hold back, "Everything! Marriage is supposed to be… sacred. With the person you love! And I know it's not your fault, the sages probably threatened you too… I just… don't know,"

Kaveh didn't even realize tears were falling down his cheeks, but he was unable to stop them from wetting the pillow.

"Kaveh…" Alhaitham called his name again with a low voice, "...what did the sages threaten you with?"

He felt shivers down his spine hearing Alhaitham's voice.

Alhaitham wasn't the warmest person ever, but Kaveh was sure he had never heard his voice… so cold…

"... nevermind. I'm sorry I brought it up—"

" Kaveh, " Alhaitham said, his hand stopped stroking the golden locks, "Tell me," 

Alhaitham’s voice was firm. Unyielding.

And yet Kaveh found comfort in that.

He held back a sob, "They… threatened to cut Kshahrewar fundings… the Kshahrewar members can barely hold up with what they have right now. They're struggling. Can you imagine what would happen if the funding got cut even more? Haven't they suffered enough? Forget about pursuing their dreams, they can barely survive everyday life!"

His fingers were clutching onto the sheets. Gritting his teeth.

Damn it.

He couldn’t do this.

He could feel the walls he had been building for the past several months started cracking.

…then he felt Alhaitham's hand leaving,

and Kaveh just broke.

As if Alhaitham’s hand was the only thing that had been keeping him together.

“I don’t want this marriage!” He shouted, still muffled against the sheet, but he was clear enough, “I don’t want it. I hate it. I can’t stand one more second in it, but if I don’t then the Kshahrewar members will be screwed by the sages!”

His eyes were squeezed shut, but his tears continued spilling, and he felt Alhaitham’s hand on his waist as he was being pulled closer to the scribe until his back was touching against Alhaitham’s torso, and suddenly he felt warmth. But even the warmth couldn’t stop his emotional meltdown.

Not this time.

He was drunk and sleep-deprived. Only one of those was enough to make someone’s emotions became unstable.

His emotions flooded through like a broken dam.

“I can’t do this, Alhaitham. I can’t. I’m sorry. I’m sorry— ”

Alhaitham didn’t say anything, but his hands were still holding Kaveh. He listened to every word. And for every few sentences, Kaveh choked out an apology. As if it was his fault that they got into this marriage. As if everything was his fault.

And if he noticed that the apologies no longer sounded like they were about the marriage anymore, he also didn’t say a word.

After a few moments, Kaveh finally calmed down. He stopped talking; became quiet, except for pants and silent sobs. Tears also dried up on his cheeks. And they were just there, lying in silence, with Kaveh in Alhaitham’s arms for what felt like to be hours.

When Kaveh spoke again, his voice was hoarse, “...I’m tired,”

Alhaitham replied, and Archons, his voice was so gentle, “I know,”

“I don’t want any of this…”

“I know, Kaveh,”

“Why did it have to be like this… why did we have to be… this… when all I want is just… I just want to—”

His voice broke.

Tears once again spilled on his face.

Alhaitham held him tighter.

And he whispered in his ear, "I'm sorry... just… endure it for a bit, okay? I’ll fix this. If this marriage is the last thing you want, then without risking the Kshahrewar members…

I will find a way to end it,”

…

Alhaitham’s voice was gentle. Kaveh would say that it was unusually gentle, but now that he thought about it, he realized that he heard it often.

…it was comforting, actually.

But why did he just realize it now..?

The way Alhaitham spoke to him. The way he always gave him comfort.

Ah…

Maybe because he was about to lose it all..?

He really took everything for granted, huh.

That night, until he finally fell asleep from exhaustion, tears didn’t stop falling from his eyes.

Months passed after that night, and none of them tried to bring up what happened.

Apparently, one elephant in the room wasn't enough for them, so they created another.

The situation between them got more awkward. If Kaveh thought they barely talked before, then this was a whole new level of not talking. They still shared the bed, yes, but other things just… stopped.

They stopped walking home together.

They stopped having dinner together.

…and Kaveh took on a project that made him have to leave for the desert for a month.

When he told Alhaitham about it, the scribe just said, "I see… that sounds like a big project. Good luck,"

Kaveh couldn't help but feel like Alhaitham was letting him go.

There was no question. He didn't even look interested, other than being kind enough to say good luck, before going back to his book.

So when Kaveh left in the morning, he considered waking Alhaitham up just to let him know.

…but he didn't.

Alhaitham woke up later to a cold and empty house that would be his only company for the next month.

When Kaveh came back to the city, the first thing he heard was: the sages were gone.

Huh?

Huh??

So the first thing he did was to look for Alhaitham.

(Well, it was already his plan even before he heard about it—but now he felt like he needed to see Alhaitham for a very different reason.)

Alhaitham was in the House of Daena when Kaveh found him—funny how he asked people he passed by about Alhaitham's whereabouts, and nobody could tell him where his goddamned husband was, while it didn't even take Kaveh two minutes to find him.

He once heard someone saying that the scribe was impossible to find unless he wanted to be found.

Well… they just weren't trying hard enough. Kaveh never had any trouble finding Alhaitham.

Alhaitham didn't even look surprised when Kaveh approached him, and before Kaveh could ask about what happened, the scribe said, "Ah, there you are. Follow me,"

Kaveh blinked.

Confused.

But he followed Alhaitham anyway, and got even more confused when they took the elevator up to the Grand Sage's office. He knew that Alhaitham was the scribe, but he didn't know a scribe could go to the Grand Sage's office so casually like this.

"Why are we here?" Kaveh asked, "I heard Azar was gone—where is he?"

Alhaitham didn't answer. Didn't even look at him.

And suddenly, Kaveh was reminded of their current relationship. Of what happened last night. Of the two giant elephants in the room.

Alhaitham probably didn't want to talk to him.

… Kaveh didn't even tell him when he left that day.

(And that night, years ago—)

So Kaveh kept his mouth shut.

He noticed Alhaitham glancing at him, though, and was a bit taken aback when the scribe grabbed his wrist and pulled him to the desk once they arrived at the office, and lightly shoved him until he sat on the Grand Sage’s office. That was where Kaveh started to panic enough to speak.

“H-hey! Is this even okay?”

But Alhaitham only said, “Wait here,” implying here was on the chair. So Kaveh didn’t move an inch.

It felt so wrong to sit there.

The Grand Sage position was… so high… so powerful… it’s technically the highest position in this nation. Sitting on the Grand Sage’s chair felt like sitting on a king’s throne.

Alhaitham came back a few minutes later with a few papers in his hand, and he placed one of them in front of Kaveh and handed him a quill.

“Sign here,”

“H-huh??”

“And after you sign there, you can sign this—”

Before Alhaitham pulled out another document, Kaveh stopped him.

“Wait. Wait! Let me read it first!” Kaveh complained, and Alhaitham stared at him for a moment before letting go of the other document that he was about to give Kaveh.

It could stay in his hands for a few moments.

Once Kaveh was sure Alhaitham wouldn’t force him to sign a bunch of other documents, his eyes went back to the paper in front of him.

And his stomach felt like it was turning upside down when he read it: Divorce Decree.

…ah.

So it was happening?

Kaveh froze in his position. Suddenly, it was hard to breathe. Trying to distract himself, he flipped another page, and he saw Alhaitham’s signature. Ah, he already signed it… of course… but confusion hit him when he saw two of Alhaitham’s signatures.

One was as the other party, and the other was…

…on the space where it was supposed to be the Grand Sage’s signature.

He looked up at Alhaitham.

Apparently, his expression was confused enough for Alhaitham to understand.

“Ah, yes. I became the Grand Sage while you were gone,” he said, casually, “Acting Grand Sage, actually, until someone takes the position.”

“What did you do, Alhaitham?” Kaveh asked, gripping the quill in his hand, “...what did you do to the sages?”

“Nothing they don’t deserve. If you’re worried, your friend Cyno took a part in it too,”

“ Cyno? ” Kaveh repeated in disbelief.

“Yes. And I believe you’re familiar with Dehya, Nilou, and—”

“Stop. Stop! What was happening while I was gone?! Where are the sages?!”

“Don’t worry about it,” Alhaitham shrugged dismissively, “You won’t see them ever again, Kaveh. Not your darshan’s sage. Not mine. Not Azar,”

Kaveh’s eyes widened in dread, “...did you… did you—”

“I did not,” Alhaitham said before Kaveh could even finish his sentence, “Unfortunate, of course, but the Lesser Lord Kusanali decided to let them live before I could say anything.”

That definitely didn’t answer Kaveh’s confusion. If anything, it added more questions.

“Lesser Lord Kusanali..? Just tell me what on eart happened?!”

Alhaitham huffed as if Kaveh’s questions were too much for him when he was the one who dumped all these at Kaveh without context. Of course, he’d want context!

“Just sign on the paper so we can go home. I’ll explain it to you later. It’s a long story, I’d rather sit down with a cup of tea while explaining it to you…”

Kaveh blinked.

Alhaitham looked impatient for him to sign the paper… ah, of course, he couldn’t wait to get divorced with him, right? The sages were gone, there was absolutely zero reason for them to keep the marriage…

Kaveh bit his lower lip, “...do you want me to immediately move out after this?”

“What?”

“I don’t have a lot of things, as you know… it’ll only take me less than an hour to pack—”

“ Kaveh, ” Alhaitham’s voice made him flinch, “Just sign the paper,”

Kaveh could feel his hand shaking.

He told Alhaitham that this marriage was the last thing he wanted, right..?

…then why… when it was possible for him to end… it felt so hard just to sign the paper..?

“Alhaitham,” he said, is breathing was quick, “There is something I have to tell you…”

Alhaitham quirked an eyebrow, “What is it?”

Say it, Kaveh practically screamed at himself. Say it! You’re going to lose him for good, but at least say it!

He didn’t notice how long he had been silent until Alhaitham said again, with a softer tone, “Kaveh..? What is it you want to tell me?”

Ah, why did Alhaitham have to do that… Alhaitham must had known how weak Kaveh was to his voice, right..? When he spoke so softly—

“I’m sorry,” Kaveh choked out.

“It’s okay,” Alhaitham replied, “What’s wrong?”

“No… I… that’s what I wanted to tell you,” Kaveh said, “ I’m sorry. For everything. Mainly for being a shitty friend. My ego got in the way. Because of me, our friendship got ruined. I hurt you. I said hurtful things to you. I left you. I ignored you when you tried to reach out, but I was… I was scared I’ll lose you for good if we talked. I didn’t want closure. But it was unfair of me to do that to you, I know that,  so I—”

“ Kaveh, ” Alhaitham said his name firmly, making Kaveh flinch once again, “Sign the paper,”

He could feel the tears in his eyes started to fall down.

So there was… really no chance for forgiveness.

Wiping away his tears with one hand, he signed the paper. The sharp quill was touching the paper, and yet it felt like Kaveh was tearing his own skin. Once he was done, he looked away from the desk. He wasn’t sure if he could even look at Alhaitham again. It was finally over.

It was… over…

He wouldn’t even have any excuse to see Alhaitham again.

From the corner of his eyes, he saw Alhaitham taking the paper, and then he placed another paper in front of Kaveh.

“And sign this,”

Kaveh couldn’t even be bothered to ask what else was needed from him. Maybe divorce needed more documents than he thought it would be. His eyes were still watery, so the text was kinda blurry, but he could still find the space for signature and quickly signed it.

Alhaitham once again took it.

“Is that everything?” Kaveh asked, realizing how pitiful he sounded at the moment.

“For the documents, yes,” Alhaitham answered, “I’ll still need you to take off your ring,”

—oh, right.

The wedding ring.

Kaveh moved to take off the ring from his finger, and placed it on the side of the desk. It was over. His marriage with Alhaitham was finished.

So he stood up, “I… I’ll go. If you need anything else, can we do that tomorrow? I’m… I’m exhausted from the trip—”

“Wait,” Alhaitham grabbed his wrist, “One more thing,”

Kaveh did everything in his power to avoid looking at Alhaitham, so he just let him do what he wanted to do.

Then he felt like something was slipped around his ring finger.

That surprised him enough to immediately forget that he was trying to not look at Alhaitham.

He turned his head at the scribe, his eyes widened when he saw Alhaitham putting a ring around his finger. What was happening? He just took off the ring? This ring looked different from his— their —old one, though.

…huh?

Kaveh finally found his voice to ask, “W-what are you doing?”

Alhaitham looked just as confused, “Putting a ring on your finger?”

“But why?”

“Because the old one will just remind you of our marriage by the sages, won’t it?”

“Alhaitham, we… we got divorced…”

“Yes, and remarried,” Alhaitham let go of his hand and pulled the document on the desk to show it to Kaveh, “You just signed it,”

On the paper was written—

Certificate of Marriage.

…was that paper… did he sign that paper when he was too busy crying?

Huh?

Huh?!

“Why?” Kaveh said, “Why would you even want to get married to me?! The sages are gone, you said it yourself! There’s no reason we should stay married! I don’t know what the sages threatened you with, but—”

“The sages never threatened me,”

Kaveh blinked.

“What..?”

“The sages never threatened me,” Alhaitham repeated, “They just asked if I was willing to marry you, and I said yes,”

… what?

“Why? After I hurt you—after I left you… why did you say yes?”

Alhaitham sighed, “Isn’t it obvious enough?”

Kaveh glared at Alhaitham.

Why did he sigh like he was being obvious?!

Nothing about this was obvious.

When Kaveh didn’t say anything, Alhaitham looked exasperated. The audacity of this man. Kaveh was the one who was supposed to be looking like that!!

“Obviously, I love you. And I have forgiven you long before the marriage even happened. Your ego did get in the way, yes, but so was mine. Didn’t you pick anything from two years of marriage?”

…and he had to make it sound like it was Kaveh’s fault too!

But Kaveh was too stunned to actually argue.

All he could say was—

“You… you love… me? ”

“Duh, obviously,”

“...and you… have forgiven me..?”

“ Duh, ”

It got annoying, actually. But also, sounded so Alhaitham.

“Then why did you ignore me that day? Weren’t you too ashamed to be seen talking to me?”

Alhaitham frowned, “...when?”

“That day… the day before that… night … happened—”

Alhaitham’s frown went even deeper, but he quickly realized, “Oh,” then he took off something that had been hanging around his neck—Kaveh didn’t even realize it was there, but Alhaitham took a few steps forward until he was right in front of Kaveh.

The thing turned out to be a pair of headphones, and Alhaitham put it on Kaveh’s ears.

“...huh?”

“Stay still,” he said, and he heard a click.

And everything suddenly went quiet.

Literally.

Kaveh couldn’t hear anything.

Not even Alhaitham’s voice when he said something. The silence was buzzing in his ears, he almost believed he went deaf for a moment. Alhaitham looked like he was still talking, but none of his words was heard by Kaveh.

“...I… I can’t hear you…”

That was when Alhaitham carefully took off the headphones from Kaveh’s ears and hung them back around his neck, “That’s the purpose of these. It cancels noises. I suppose you were calling me when I was wearing them,”

…

“...oh,”

…did he… panic over nothing?

Alhaitham wasn’t ignoring him?

He just… couldn’t hear him?

“I… I never saw you wearing those,”

“I never wear them with you,” Alhaitham shrugged, “I like listening to your voice,”

“Wha—? H-hey! You can’t just say that!”

“I can’t say that to my husband?”

“Husband—argh! Stop! You’re just distracting me from what’s important!”

“Ugh, what else now?”

“What made you decide that we should get remarried, huh?! I… I said awful things to you… not just that night… but also the other night—”

…damn. Now that they were talking about it, Kaveh talked a lot, huh.

“The night when you were drunk?”

Kaveh clicked his tongue from being reminded that he was drunk, “Y-yeah! That one!”

“You can’t even remember what you said, this is why I told you to stop drinking too much if you can’t hold your liquor—”

“I remember what I said! I told you I didn’t want our marriage!”

“No,”

“ No?! ”

“No,” Alhaitham nodded, “You said, quote, ‘ I didn’t want this marriage, ’ unquote, and when you said ‘this’ you implied you didn’t want the marriage the sages set for us,”

…Kaveh was flabbergasted.

Well, Alhaitham wasn’t wrong… Kaveh just hadn’t said anything else, had he?

“And,” Alhaitham continued, “You also said all you wanted was just to fix our relationship so we can have a real marriage, ”

…

Did he?

Did he say that?

“And then you cried for approximately two more hours before finally falling—”

“Stop, stop!! Did you really have to mention that?!”

“I was just helping you to remember what you didn’t,”

Kaveh groaned.

“Unless,” Alhaitham sounded careful now, “I was mistaken? It’s possible that you didn’t mean what you said that night. Perhaps you really don’t want a marriage with me—”

Kaveh was running out of patience.

He remembered feeling really nervous around Alhaitham. He remembered not even being able to look him in the eyes. But now, the elephants in the room were cleared, and he had never felt so light. So before Alhaitham could even finish his word, Kaveh pulled the front of his clothes,

and pressed his lips against Alhaitham’s.

Alhaitham’s eyes widened.

But he didn’t pull away.

After a moment, it was Kaveh who pulled away first. Feeling a bit awkward, his face was reddened, but he managed to say, “Well, that… that’s better than trying to explain with words, I think… but just in case you didn’t catch it, I… I’m in love with you too, damn it. And I… uhh, I want to stay married to you. If you want to, of course, so, umm—”

“Kaveh,” Alhaitham said, “By the law of Sumeru Akademiya, we’re already married again. The document is right here,”

“I—” Kaveh could feel the heat on his face, “I know! But! Arrgh!! I’m just saying!”

Alhaitham looked at him, and…

…he was… smiling?

“Stay here for a bit,” he said, “And close your eyes,”

“H-huh?!”

“Please,”

Kaveh could feel his heart hammering as he kept getting more flustered and flustered with what was happening. So he did what Alhaitham said. Standing there, closing his eyes, and all he could do was hope he didn’t look stupid. It took a few minutes before heard footsteps, and he noticed Alhaitham was already back. But was he just too exhausted, or did the footsteps that he heard a sound like they didn’t belong to just one person?

“Keep your eyes closed,” he heard Alhaitham’s voice again.

“I wasn’t going to open them!”

“Good,”

Then he felt something placed on his head… like a cloth? It was light, though, but he could feel it touching his face. Something else was also gently shoved to him, and by reflex, Kaveh held them—it was big enough so he had to use both of his hands. It felt like… flowers?

…Archons, what else was Alhaitham doing now?

“Okay,” Alhaitham said, “You can open your eyes now,”

So Kaveh did—

and the first thing he noticed was the bucket of flowers in his hands.

White flowers. White heliotropes. Kaveh held it tighter, trying to figure out what was happening. And he noticed that he could see through the cloth that was placed on his head, even though it also covered his face… a veil? Did Alhaitham go to pick these up?

And he looked around to see—

Cyno. Dehya. Tighnari. Candace. Nilou. Collei.

…and this one person he didn’t recognize. A girl, child-like, with white hair, but something was really captivating about her.

“Congratulations on your marriage!!” They said.

And Kaveh just—

stood there.

At a loss for words.

“We heard about what happened!” Nilou said, “The Scribe asked us to help out… it was nice to see him getting really romantic,”

“Hah, you called that romantic?” Cyno scoffed.

“Hey, at least he’s trying!” Dehya let out a chuckle, “In a way, it’s so sweet of him, too. I didn’t know he could do something like this,”

Kaveh still wasn’t talking. Too surprised to see his friends here. Too surprised by the… whole thing… the fact that Alhaitham invited them here?

Then the white-haired girl approached him, smiling gently as she said, “Kaveh. Alhaitham. I give you my blessing,”

And warmth spread in his chest hearing that.

He didn’t know who this child was… but he could feel that there was something about her. Something that felt so comforting and wise at the same time.

Once again, Kaveh held the flowers tighter. He couldn’t hold back a smile. Arhcons, he felt so light. All he could feel was a heaviness in his chest. And suddenly, everything that had been burdening his feelings felt like they were taken away from him. Leaving him with warmth and joy, and…

…was this what they called happiness?

He couldn’t help but laugh.

So freely. So happily.

“Thank you…” he said, and he could feel more tears pooling in his eyes before they fell down his cheeks, “ Thank you… ”

Life continued. It had to be. But at least, this was something Kaveh was sure to be a step forward.

With his friends.

With Alhaitham.

And everything was great.