Chapter Text
Mickey is trying.
He's really trying
He knows Ian would like to do more romantic stuff, he knows Ian sometimes just wants normal. He knows Ian loves the thrill, and the wild and absurd part of their lives but some days he needs calmness and ordinariness. So he's trying
And he thought this would be a great idea at least until he had to actually sit in front a blank paper and write. He’s not poetic, he's certainly not romantic but he's honest and raw that might work or that's what Debbie said when he asked for advice. He's been told to just write whatever Ian makes him feel but the thing is that Ian makes him so many things with so much force that sometimes it's overwhelming and he doesn't know how to explain it.
Ian makes him feel free, safe and in peace. Ian makes him feel like he belongs somewhere, like he’s finally home after fighting to find one where he was going to be loved, appreciated and celebrated. Ian is the reason why he doesn't live an old, dusted closet daydreaming about what's behind the closed doors, he's been outside for awhile and turns out it was sunny, warm and there are rainy days but it's okay.
He makes Mickey laugh and smile too much, he waits patiently until he finds the words to express what he's feeling and listens. And the way he looks at him, god, he looks at him like he's worth loving, like he's worth fighting for, like he's better than anything he has ever seen. And that makes Mickey feel like he made it, like he’s actually better than his family, than his dad and he wanted that so desperately for him, for Ian too. His feelings for Ian get overwhelming at thoughts like him leaving. If Ian left Mickey is convinced that everything will lose its meaning, he's convinced the old Mickey will try to fight his way back, he's sure he could never love anyone else the way he loves Ian, he's even more sure about the fact that there's no one like him. If Ian left, Mickey would have to leave Chicago because this city would be haunted by Ian's ghost and would scream his name and that echo would haunt him too. If Ian left Mickey is sure his love for Ian wouldn't leave with him and he would have to live with it for centuries.
He knows Ian won't leave, he knows that even if he did they always find each other and Mickey would leave Chicago not because of the ghosts but to find Ian and come back home together. So he sighs and tries to write that, he's internally debating if it looks like a poem or just a bunch of words together in short sentences.
"Is this— did you write me a poem?"
Mickey closes his eyes and sighs again, turns his head to look at Ian. His green eyes are looking at him in something that seems like a mix between tenderness, amusement and curiosity.
"I'm writing you a poem. As in, it isn't finished. But thanks for ruining the surprise"
"Is this because of what I said yesterday?"
Mickey rolls his eyes "Yes" admits "I don't know, maybe you were right"
Ian studies him for a second, sighs and sits next to him.
"You know I don't want you to change, right? You know that i fell for the shit-talking bitch- slapping piece of south side trash that you are, right?"
Mickey nods and breaks the eye contact before blushing. Clears his throat and shrugs.
"I don't know, maybe you were right and we could do something romantic together once in a while"
"Do you really want to do that?"
Mickey looks at him silently and his previous thoughts come back to him. Ian being his safe place, his home, the reason why he accepted himself. Ian making him laugh, smile and feel warm. The possibility of Ian leaving and the emptiness he would leave behind.
"Yes, I really want to"
Ian's smile widen and Mickey has no other option but to kiss his husband.
"Just so you know nothing will be more romantic that you escaping from prison to be with me or you betraying a cartel for the same reason"
Mickey laughs "What can I say? I'm a romantic"
Ian kisses him again, Mickey loses himself for a second there and then gently pushes Ian away.
"I have to finish this" says pointing to the notebook
Ian shakes his head and kisses him after murmuring "You're so annoying"