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The warm streams of sunlight bathed the living room with green and yellow hues. The green windows were pushed apart to further let in the gentle blows of the wind. The soft sounds of pages turning and pencils and pens scratching against paper filled the otherwise silent living room. Sparkles of gold were visible on the couch. They moved all around as the blonde hair shifted together with the animate architect. Green eyes took in that sight.
Kaveh enjoyed the warm sunlight that came into the living room the most. The sketches would be well-illuminated by the sun. He also especially liked it after the rain has passed and the temperature would take a slight dip. He felt comforted by the warmth after the cold, such a simple thing it is.
Kaveh continued to work on his sketches while Alhaitham was leisurely reading his book. Well, more like he finished it and his eyes gradually trailed towards Kaveh in his boredom. Alhaitham was laid back on the couch and he could see the content expression on Kaveh. He thought that Kaveh looked rather fitting in this setting.
Kaveh would be too engrossed in the large sketchbook on his lap to even notice those stares from Alhaitham.
As a wisp of wind breathed air into the house, Alhaitham watches as a pink flower petal invites itself into the house. It swirled and danced around the ceiling lights before circling around Kaveh and landing snuggly in between those soft golden strands.
Kaveh doesn’t notice it but Alhaitham does.
The petal does not really resemble the typical flowers of Sumeru, the colour reminded him of how books would describe the trees and flowers in Inazuma. From the accounts of the traveller, that singular flower petal matched the description well too.
He recalled that this was around the time that Sakuras would start to bloom. He wondered how Kaveh would look like underneath those over-arching Sakura trees as a gentle breath of wind passes. The hundred thousand petals would scatter all over them both, creating a blanket of pink in the air. Kaveh would laugh and he would feel that fuzzy feeling in his chest again. Won’t it be breathtaking he thought?
Then, he catches himself from taking that thought too far. Why would Kaveh agree to go on a trip with him after all?
The flower petal bobbed a little as Kaveh tilted his head slightly. He then smiled and continued his sketch. Alhaitham sometimes would find himself reading Kaveh like a book. His antics were entertaining but more importantly, the expressions he made always pulled Alhaitham in to turn the next page, awaiting that next moment. He was just like a wordless book that was all too easy to read. Yet, the story seemed endless.
As if it has its own thoughts, the pink petal decided to slowly flutter down and onto Kaveh’s sketchbook.
Kaveh’s hand paused and delicately picked up the paper-thin petal. His eye for detail was nevertheless put to use as he observed it from all angles.
“It would be nice if we could go to Inazuma…”
Kaveh’s voice began as a whisper before it slowly trailed off. He was as usual speaking his thoughts. But, perhaps, this time a little more honest than usual. He gently brushed his thumb over the soft ridges of the petal, and a soft smile graced his lips.
Despite the soft tone Kaveh used, Alhaitham still heard it all. He picked up on something rather interesting. Did Kaveh say ‘we’? He never would have thought a thought he had brushed aside just a minute before would be shared by the blonde as well. What are the odds?
When an opportunity presents itself, you take it.
“Why not?” Alhaitham questions.
“Huh, what did you just say?”
Alhaitham sits up and looks towards Kaveh’s eyes.
“I said why not?”
“Why not go to Inazuma?” Kaveh finished his question.
“Exactly.”
“Well…there’s still stuff to do at work”
He looked sheepish with his eyes turned away from Alhaitham. His lips were pursed with uncertainty written all over his face. It clearly wasn’t the only reason that was holding Kaveh back from going to Inazuma.
Alhaitham decides to prod further.
“Didn’t you finish a project recently? I remember you bragging about being able to pay rent on time just yesterday.”
Kaveh places his sketchbook and materials beside him on the couch. Alhaitham has his full attention now.
“Well! That’s another matter altogether! It’s just that I…I just don’t want to go alone that’s all.”
The same bashful look returned with more vigour. His eyes were now downcasted as he fiddled around with the flower petal. Brows furrowed in frustration. Alhaitham may not be able to fully understand but he knows what that expression meant.
Kaveh may have been used to being alone but it doesn’t mean he enjoyed it. When he looks at other travellers or families, he finds it challenging to accept his loneliness. People came and left his life several times, but he still feels the same sort of discomfort. Because he can’t help but feel that he will truly have nobody by his side one day. All because he didn’t try hard enough to keep them by his side.
Although he has friends, good ones at that, he sometimes can’t help but think that they may leave one day. Maybe even Alhaitham would leave him too. In spite of how much he disagrees with Alhaitham, he still cherishes him as a rather integral part of his life. And he wants to hold onto that as much as possible.
Going on a trip for leisure by himself just didn’t seem to suit someone like him who actually enjoys company.
“I’ll go with you.”
Kaveh immediately looks up towards Alhaitham, eyes widened in surprise and mouth agape. He didn’t expect Alhaitham to even suggest tagging along. Yet, suspicion seemed to present itself in Kaveh’s eyes. Alhaitham continued to look intently at Kaveh, without much change in his expression. Which much to Kaveh’s dismay, did not address his rising doubts.
The flower petal that Kaveh held in between his fingers having been forgotten, slowly fluttered to the floor. Alhaitham rises and picks it up, inspecting it just like Kaveh did moments ago.
The petal seemed to be an Inazuma speciality made from imported Sakuras. Was it called Sakura Blooms?
Kaveh continues his interrogation with much more spirit than before.
“You? Don’t you have work to do as the acting grand sage?”
“As you said, I am the acting grand sage after all.”
“Guess anything goes for the acting grand sage, huh?”
“I’m sure they won’t mind my absence for a few days.”
“Are you sure about this? This doesn’t really seem like something you’ll do without a reason.”
“Things have more or less stabilised at work, a vacation right now would be appropriate. I am entitled to paid leave after all. Besides, it would be a shame to miss the blooming of the Sakuras,” Alhaitham waves the petal around to make his point.
“Well…you’re right. It’s not every day we both have time for this. Maybe we should go to Inazuma.”
“Since you seemed convinced about going to Inazuma, we should leave by tomorrow.”
“What, isn’t that too soon? We haven’t even discussed the details of this trip.”
“Aren’t we doing it now?”
“Ugh, you!”
Alhaitham thinks back to the start of this very moment as he stared at a pale pink petal that flew into his palm. Just like with the rest of the fallen petals, he lets it go. It was all an impromptu thought that they both happened to have at the same time. It probably wasn’t meant to come to fruition. But, yet here they are at Inazuma.
Although they had created an itinerary, it was thrown off course due to a delay in the ship’s arrival. The Grand Narukami Shrine was something they somehow both managed to agree on visiting first. The rest of tomorrow however seemed to be in chaos. By the time they finished “discussing”, the sun had gone down.
As they climbed Mt. Yougou, they stopped to admire the cherry blossoms. It was a quiet area with no one in sight. It was calm and serene, making them both feel at ease.
All Alhaitham can see is a sea of pink and purple in the dark sky. Gently as the wind blew, the branches shook in turn too. It was a rather graceful movement that suited the view.
Soft blossoms rained down onto them, creating patterns on the ground beneath their feet.
In silence, Alhaitham heard something that shone so bright; Kaveh’s laughter.
It’s been a while since he heard it.
Blonde hair danced about as Kaveh spun around with his arms out. He caught some of the stray petals with his movements and brought them to Alhaitham.
“Look Haitham! They’re so much more different than what you can get back home!”
“Different climates and environments would make a difference to most plants.”
“I heard that from Tighnari already. Can’t you be a little more in awe?”
Alhaitham picks up a petal. It looked almost identical to the few cherry blossoms back in Sumeru. The same shade of pale pink and slightly darker edges. However, now that he’s more focused on it. He could feel a difference. It was almost an electrifying feeling of energy. They still felt alive even though they had broken off from the trees.
“They are indeed different.”
Kaveh smiled widely as he got closer to Alhaitham. The only thing separating them was Kaveh’s petal-filled hands. Kaveh looks down to admire them more; fondness showing on his features.
“Isn’t it? It’s beautiful. I’m so happy we came here.”
Alhaitham looked at Kaveh’s blonde hair, its glimmer was alluring. Alhaitham couldn’t help but feel the urge to do something. If he didn’t, he would think that he might regret it later. All these years of staring, thinking and imagining would boil down to this moment.
“You’re beautiful, Kaveh. So incredibly beautiful.”
Kaveh seemed to freeze up before he tilted his head up to look at shining teal eyes. Alhaitham seemed so vulnerable. The tender smile and upturned eyes said it all. He looked away quickly, afraid of being burnt even more by the passion and feelings that lay behind those eyes. The petals he held once fell to their feet. His hair fell into his face and a callous hand gently brushed them away. Alhaitham’s fingertips grazed his forehead; like the light rain falling onto the desert, it was warm and kind. His hand lingered to tuck away the other strands of gold hair.
At that moment, Kaveh realised something.
They probably won’t come out of this trip as just roommates anymore.
Kaveh asked in a low voice as though afraid of something, “Haitham, what are you thinking about?”
Alhaitham’s hand lightly held Kaveh’s cheek. Kaveh dared not move, he looked at the back of his hands. They were trembling slightly. He wasn’t used to this.
“About who’s in front of me now.”
“Don’t you have anything else to say to that person then?”
“Do I really have to spell it out for you?”
Alhaitham noticed those hands shaking. He grasped them both with his other hand. The trembling seemed to subside. Kaveh inhales sharply, tears almost spilling as he pleaded,
“Yes, yes you do. Please.”
Alhaitham doesn’t say anything for a while, he could feel his hand becoming damp. The silence was suffocating.
“Kaveh, I’ve loved you for a long time.”
Kaveh’s tears continued to stream down as he enveloped Alhaitham in his arms. Alhaitham felt his shirt being scrunched up by Kaveh as he slowly patted Kaveh’s back.
Kaveh was frustrated, years of so many unsaid things were now being dug back up and placed right in their faces. He has been running from them but now he can’t escape from them any longer.
“You idiot! Why after all this time, do you say it now?”
“As you said, I am an idiot. I’m sorry I took so long to tell you.”
When Alhaitham apologised, Kaveh felt bitter at himself. He didn’t mean to say those things, he just spoke his thoughts. He knew it wasn’t Alhaitham’s fault, it was his’s. His selfishness and own thoughts created a wall that Alhaitham had to climb over just to reach him. Even when he was just within Alhaitham’s grasp, Kaveh would rebuild those walls and separate them both once again. It was intimidating and complicated, this pattern of cat and mouse that stretched out for so long.
He pressed his forehead into Alhaitham’s shoulder and stared intently at those fallen pale pink petals he held before. His hands relaxed and they rested on Alhaitham’s shoulder blades. The wind slowly picked up and one by one those petals left. Kaveh sighed and offered his thoughts,
“No, don’t be sorry. I should be the one apologising. I knew about how you have felt for some time. But, I just didn’t want to believe it from the start. I didn’t think I deserved to acknowledge it. Because why would you love someone like me? Someone all broken with nothing to offer.”
“That’s because it's you, Kaveh. Broken or not, it doesn’t matter to me. It’s because it’s you. I’m in love with you not the state of you.”
Hearing all this coming from Alhaitham, he was stuck in a stalemate about his feelings for this man. Alhaitham decided that he does want to express what he felt for years, but Kaveh hasn’t even thought to that extent yet. He barely understands what he is feeling now.
“I-I don’t know how to feel about this. I haven’t thought about all this. I don’t even know what to tell you right now.”
“That’s fine. You can tell me when you’re ready.”
Kaveh gingerly raised his head and pulled back just enough to look at those same teal eyes he backed away from before. This time he looked head-on, he kept himself from turning away. They carried patience and tenderness. Those same hands steadily held his back. It was comforting.
“Can you? What if I never give you an answer?”
“I’m happy that you’re even considering what I have told you. That’s enough for me. I’ve already taken so long just to say those words. So until then, I’ll wait for you.”
Alhaitham smiles, he was truly content.
“Thank you, Haitham. I’ll be quick this time.”
Kaveh presses himself into the hug and he tightens his hold on Alhaitham. It was as if he was trying to imprint himself onto Alhaitham so that it’ll last until the day he lets Alhaitham into his thoughts. Alhaitham welcomes it warmly as he held onto Kaveh’s back and softly slid his fingers into those blonde locks. A smile formed on his lips as he whispered into Kaveh’s ear,
“Don’t rush, I’ll always be here.”
“You better be.”
Only the cherry blossoms knew those words that they shared that day.