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The other players vote on it (Will included). Apparently they all agreed that the incident with Van Damme’s mask was the last straw. Colin doesn’t hear about the vote until after, though, when Isaac, Moe, and Sam follow him outside after training. He wonders if there was a second vote about who had to tell him about the first vote, but he’s mostly confused about how they all had time to have a secret vote without him noticing. Where the hell was he?
Right now though, that’s not important. He just wants to get in his car and go home so he can have an early night before they head to Manchester tomorrow. Unfortunately, Isaac is literally blocking the door, darting every time Colin makes a move for the handle.
“Someone’s gotta talk to them!” Moe says.
Colin scoffs, and gestures towards Isaac. “You’re the captain!”
“It was unanimous,” Isaac says, and he crosses his arms, glaring at Colin.
“Oh yeah?” Colin crosses his arms right back, two can play at that game. “Why me?”
“Because you’re gay.”
Sam and Moe glance at each other, perhaps each looking a little unsure, but neither of them argue with him about it.
Colin rolls his eyes. “That’s homophobic.”
“No, it ain’t,” Isaac says. “We picked you because it means they can’t accuse you of homophobia. That’s the whole point.”
“Also because the three of you are so close,” Moe says.
“We’re all close!” Though apparently not. How many other things have they voted on without him knowing?
“You sit between them,” Sam says. “Though I admit, your being gay was a factor.”
“Just talk to them!” Isaac says. “It will sound better coming from you. Please, bruv. We can’t put up with ‘em much longer.”
Colin sighs and maybe stomps his foot a little, but they’re not wrong. Jan and Richard have been a little too much lately, they really have all noticed it. He even heard Beard say something about it to Roy, which seems like a fucking terrible sign. But still. He really doesn’t want to. Walking straight into the lion’s den. “What’s in it for me?”
“The pride in knowing you’ve helped your team and done a good thing,” Moe says.
“Ha! Jan and Richard are going to eat me alive when I try talking to them—” Colin snaps his fingers and points in Isaac’s face. “Shut up, no, it doesn’t sound like something I would like.”
Isaac grins and swats Colin’s hand away from him.
“So, I’m gonna need to get something out of this, boyo,” Colin says. “Something good.”
“Whatever you want,” Sam says. “Within reason.”
Colin raises his hand to his chin, thinking. He looks from Sam, to Moe, and Isaac, and then back to Moe. “I want a matching hat.”
“Huh?” Isaac looks back and forth between them. “You want to wear the same hat?”
“Not matching him,” Colin says.
Moe reaches up, touching the brim of his hat. “He could never pull it off.”
“Exactly,” Colin says. “No, I want a new hat to match my Wales scarf. I want you to knit it.” And then, even though he feels like he’s being blackmailed or something here, he adds, “please.” Because it’s Moe.
“Okay,” Moe says easily. “I’ll knit it on the bus.”
“Really? That doesn’t make you sick?”
Moe shrugs. “It’s easy.”
“When are you free?” Sam asks.
“I don’t know,” Colin says. “After we get back from Manchester?”
“Hmm.” Isaac shifts on his feet. “That’s too long.”
“Well, I can’t do it tonight!” Colin exclaims. “That’s too soon.”
“After we get back from Manchester is fine,” Moe says. “But you don’t get the hat until you do it.”
Colin whines softly. “Can’t we just leave it? The season’s almost over! I’ll talk to them in July, when we come back for training. Promise.”
“No,” Isaac says, pointing at him. “Monday night.”
“What if they say no?”
“Tuesday,” Isaac says.
“We really do appreciate it,” Sam says. “Please try. It is very difficult.”
“I will,” Colin says. “Though I’m not doing anything if Isaac doesn’t let me in my car.”
“Fine.” Isaac rolls away from the car and stands next to Sam and Moe. “Keep us updated. I need to be prepared."
“Thank you, Colin,” Sam says, with such sincerity that it’s difficult to be annoyed. “We appreciate it.”
“Yeah, yeah. Just make sure I get that hat.” Colin opens the car door and throws his bag inside. “Please.”
“Deal.”
“Don’t forget bus picnic,” Isaac says.
“I would never.” As Colin gets in his car, he can hear Moe ask, “you’re going to have a picnic?” Colin buckles in and waves at them before he starts the ignition. The three of them take a couple big steps back, and Colin rolls his eyes before he pulls away.
When he gets home, he puts his things away. He texts Michael. He wanders aimlessly around his kitchen, and accepts a Facebook request to play Scrabble with his mother. Even after she resoundingly kicks his ass, he’d rather keep playing. But then Isaac messages him a ??? and Colin knows he can’t avoid it forever.
how are you feeling about Man City?
Richard: Fantastic.
Jan Maas: We’re going to win.
Richard: bien sûr. why Colin, do you plan on losing?
Jan Maas: Perhaps we should bring back Zava.
Fucking hell, he’s going to lose his mind if he has to go through with this.
we should do something to celebrate.
Monday.
Richard: is there a party?
Jan Maas: Of course not, we would have been invited.
I thought the three of us could do dinner together
Jan Maas: At Ola’s?
Colin briefly wonders if in public might be better, it could potentially stave off the worst of the insults. They know how to behave in public. Then again, if he makes them upset, he doesn’t want any to see them cry.
Though, if anyone cries, it’s going to be him.
homemade
Richard: And who is home-making this dinner?
you can come to my place
Jan Maas: Can you cook?
Richard: of course he can’t.
Colin almost throws his phone against the wall, Isaac and Sam sure as fuck have set him up here. He can forgive Moe, but only just.
Jan Maas: We can.
Richard: come to my house after training, we will cook for you.
Jan Maas: Good idea. It will be delicious.
Richard: good, it is decided.
Colin’s not sure how much of the deciding he was involved in, but…okay. Okay! Okay. Dinner. Monday. They can eat, and talk, and Colin can casually bring it up and…then Richard and Jan will promptly tear him to shreds.
“Fucking hell,” he mutters. They couldn’t even send him in with back-up?
can I bring the wine?
Richard: of course not don’t be stupid.
Jan Maas: Richard’s right, don’t be stupid.
Okay, Colin admits, that one’s on him.
+ + + + +
He’d tried to back out, multiple times. Not to Jan and Richard’s faces, of course, but to anyone else who would listen. During the bus ride to Manchester, while he and Isaac are eating (though he shuts up when Moe pointedly waves his knitting needles around, and really, he makes great progress on the drive, Colin has no doubt the hat will be done in the time). During the match. After the match, when they were all pissed and carrying Will around. One minute before he left his house, he was still desperately texting Isaac, begging him to come.
Isaac refused to acknowledge any of his messages and would only talk to him about their islands on Animal Crossing.
So here he is, standing on Richard’s doorstep. Empty-handed, because Jan had told him not to bother, they had everything they needed.
He could definitely leave. But truth be told, he wants them to knock it off too.
He rings the doorbell, and smiles when he sees Jan pop up with an eager wave. As far as Colin knows, Jan hasn’t officially moved in; he still occasionally complains about one annoying neighbour he has (Colin’s pretty sure their only crime is being too polite), and sometimes when they all go out together after training, Jan mentions having to go to his place for clean clothes. But obviously, he’s made himself quite at home here. Richard and Jan show up to training together more often than not.
“Hello!” Jan says as he opens the door. He’s smiling brightly down at Colin, and not for the first time, it strikes him that Jan is basically a very tall golden retriever. If he had a tail, he’s sure it would be wagging. “Welcome!”
“Thanks,” Colin says, and he quickly takes his trainers off so that he can follow Jan into the kitchen.
“Bonjour,” Richard says from where he’s chopping potatoes at the island.
“Hello,” Colin says.
“Wine?” Richard asks, nodding towards the bottle they’ve already opened. Something that apparently pairs well with standing around and doing nothing.
“Yes, please,” Colin says, and Richard glances at Jan, who promptly pours him a drink. Colin quietly thanks him, then takes as a sip as Jan snuggles against Richard. Richard looks up at him and smiles, and Jan leans in to give him a quick kiss before smiling back.
Colin has to admit, as annoying as they are, they are really cute together too. He’s happy for them. He knows they genuinely care about each other, everyone at Richmond can see it. It certainly didn’t take any time for them to get together. Richard was always confident (some might say cocky, though Colin was slightly envious of it regardless), and Jan was honest to a fault, so they figured out pretty quickly that they had feelings for each other. Neither of them had anything to hide and both knew the other would be lucky to date them.
But goddammit. Can’t they fucking behave?
Richard and Jan are speaking French to each other now, which had taken some getting used to. Colin hadn’t known that Jan spoke French when he first came to Richmond. He’d asked him about it once, after seeing Jan and Van Damme watch an interview with Mbappé, without subtitles. He was promptly told (not surprisingly, somewhat rudely) that 30 percent of Dutch people speak French, and obviously Jan was smart so of course he did too.
He’s sure Richard appreciates having a boyfriend who can talk to him in his first language. He’s also sure that they use it as a way of talking about them behind their backs right to their faces.
“Anything I need to know about?” Colin asks, and Richard and Jan look at him almost like they forgot he was standing there.
“Non, désolé,” Richard says, “we were talking about the food.”
“What are we having?” Colin asks.
“Steak frites,” Richard says, nodding towards the potatoes he’s cutting.
“And there’s French onion soup in the oven,” Jan says.
Colin inhales deeply; it hits him now that he knows what it is, and it smells amazing. He says as much, and Richard and Jan both thank him. “Are you sure there’s nothing I can do to help?”
Richard gives Jan a quick nudge. “Do you want to run an errand?” Jan asks.
“Oh,” Colin says. He’s not sure he really wants to run around and go pick up Jan’s dry-cleaning for him or something. “Uh, sure?”
“With him,” Richard says, laughing softly. “Not alone.”
“Oh, then yeah,” Colin says. “Definitely.”
Jan turns to Richard and cups his face in his hands, pulling him into a kiss. They break apart, looking deep into each other’s eyes, not saying anything. It’s so intense, Colin feels a little awkward. Okay, now they’ve definitely forgotten that he’s standing there. He takes another sip of wine and looks off to the side.
“À bientôt!” Jan says suddenly, and then he’s on the move and Colin is following behind him.
“Where are we going?” Colin asks as he pulls his trainers back on.
“Close.”
“Do I need to drive?”
Jan gives him the side eye and scoffs. “Certainly not.” He opens the door for Colin and once they’re outside, he grabs onto Colin’s shoulders and gives him a playful shake. Colin looks back at Jan, and can’t help but smile because Jan’s smiling so wide, it’s infectious. Then Jan slings his arm around Colin’s shoulders. “You’re in a good mood,” Colin says. That’s good, that will help.
“Why shouldn’t I be?” Jan asks. “We won.”
“We did.” They all played beautifully. Colin’s always loved playing football, but he hasn’t felt this happy playing in a long time. They’re so good right now. He’s so good right now.
“I’m having delicious food with my boyfriend and our best friend,” Jan continues, and that makes Colin’s heart warm. He does really like Richard and Jan. It’s nice to know that they like him too. He’d been terrified about having dinner with them, but they’re excited about it. Jan is happy he’s there! Richard is making him an amazing meal. Maybe he was wrong, maybe this will be a nice night.
He still has no idea where they’re going, but when Jan turns right out of Richard’s driveway, Colin just tags along. “The food looked good,” he says.
“You only saw the potatoes,” Jan says.
“Well, the onions smelled good,” Colin says.
“They do,” Jan says. “Richard’s onion soup is very good.”
Colin smiles and bumps his arm against Jan’s. “You guys are cute.”
“Yes.”
Colin nods. “Yeah. Where are we going?”
“I have to pick up a pie.”
“Oh.”
“I don’t have time to bake when we train,” Jan says. “This is a good alternative. And it gets me out of the house.”
“Right.” Colin doesn’t question that, but it does strike him as odd. They spent all weekend out of the house. They had training today. They’re out more than they’re in! “What kind of pie?”
“Dutch apple.”
“Ohhh.” Colin likes the sound of that.
They chat along the way, but not about anything in particular. Nothing important. Colin’s definitely not going to bring it up to just Jan. He’s way more scared of him than he is Richard. Although… Hmm, maybe not. Richard is so fucking feisty, even if he is little. Colin could maybe get one good hit in before he’d have to run away.
By the time they pick up the pie and get back to the house, the table is set and Richard is plating their food.
“Ah, perfect timing!” Jan exclaims, waving the pie towards Richard so that he sees and gives his approval.
“You’re all done!” Colin says. “We didn’t have time to help you at all.”
“I don’t need help,” Richard says.
“That’s why he wanted us to leave,” Jan says.
“Huh?”
“He doesn’t like cooking when other people are around,” Jan says, and he wraps his arms around Richard, holding him close as Richard tries to put some parsley on their plates.
“This is why,” Richard says. “He clings.”
“Some people think cooking with their partners is romantic,” Jan says. “Not him.”
“No, it’s annoying,” Richard says. He looks at Colin. “Every drawer I need, he’s in the way. Every cupboard, he’s there. Je ne sais pas comment il fait, it’s magic. He’s everywhere I don’t want him and nowhere I need him.”
Jan beams proudly until Richard shakes him off, making Jan laugh.
“Will you get another bottle of wine from the cellar?”
“Yes, which one?”
“We need a red from the Côtes du Rhône,” Richard says, and Jan nods slowly as if he knows exactly what Richard means. “La Belle Hélene, Côte-Rôtie, 1998.”
“On it!”
Jan runs off, and Richard looks at Colin. “Unless you want something else.”
“No, of course not,” Colin says. “You know best.”
“Oui.” With Jan out of his way, Richard quickly finishes plating the food, and Colin smiles. He’d thought it was odd that Richard would leave it to Jan to get the wine. But now he realizes it was just another way to get him to move.
“You may sit,” Richard says, picking up two plates and carrying them over to the table.
“Thank you,” Colin says, and he walks over to the table to pull out a chair. Richard sharply clears his throat, and Colin looks at him to see him looking pointedly at a different chair. “Ah, right.”
“Merci,” Richard says, and he puts Colin’s plate down in front of him. He grabs the third plate and sets that down as well, but he doesn’t sit. He just leans against the island and waits.
“This is it,” Jan says, coming back into the kitchen with the bottle in his hand. He holds it out to Richard, and then pretends to drop it, which makes Richard abruptly straighten up. “Whoops. Here you go.” He hands it out again, and once again pretends to drop it, which makes Richard sigh and cross his arms. It makes Colin smile, though. Jan’s playing a dangerous game if he’s risking one of Richard’s wine bottles.
“Take it.”
“Non.”
“Come on,” Jan says. “I’m done. Take it.”
“No, you can pour it.”
“Fine.” Jan shrugs and grabs a corkscrew.
“No!” Richard exclaims. “Give it to me, you’ll do it wrong.”
Jan looks at Colin and winks, which makes Colin’s smile grow.
“Sit down,” Richard says, and Jan pulls out his chair.
“You like it when I tease you,” Jan says.
“Not when it comes to wine,” Richard says, carefully opening the bottle. “That is…hmm.” He stops for a moment, clearly thinking hard. “De wijn is niet…goedkoop?”
Colin frowns. He definitely got wine out of that, but he can’t tell what else he said. That wasn’t English or French.
“Ja,” Jan says. “De wijn is niet goedkoop.” He looks at Colin. “Not cheap.”
“You speak Dutch?” Colin asks in surprise.
“No, of course not,” Richard says.
“He speaks Dutch poorly,” Jan.
“Since when?” Colin asks.
Richard shrugs. “Jan speaks French. I wanted to try to learn Dutch.”
“But only wine-related Dutch,” Jan says.
“Right,” Colin says. “As you do.”
“When we holiday in the Netherlands, I need to be able to order good wine,” Richard says.
“It is very important,” Jan says.
“I guess so,” Colin says with some skepticism. Richard hates the Netherlands. Or, he did, anyway.
“We are going to Sint Maarten during the break,” Jan says. “He needs the practice.”
“No, we’re going to Saint Martin,” Richard says, and Jan waves him off.
Richard grabs what looks like…well, Colin’s not really sure what it looks like. It’s shaped like something you might stick in your ass, if he’s being honest. Which he hopes it’s not. It’s pretty big, for one. Richard holds it above a wine glass, and pours the wine through it.
“What is that?” Colin asks.
“An aerator,” Richard says. “Usually we would need this bottle to sit for ninety minutes. We don’t have that time. We must eat!” He pours them all a glass, and brings them over to the table, finally taking his seat alongside them. “Thank you for coming tonight, Colin.”
“Yes, thank you for the dinner invitation,” Jan says.
Colin did absolutely nothing except suggest the idea, but he’ll take the win. He lifts up his glass and they quickly toast to their last match this week, and start digging in.
“Fuck, that’s good,” he murmurs, and then he looks up at Richard. “Really good.”
“Merci,” Richard says.
“Colin is right, it is delicious,” Jan says, and he leans over to kiss Richard on the cheek.
Between the delicious food and the good conversation, and then the amazing Dutch apple pie that Jan bought (he says as much, and Richard and Jan both insist that it’s good, but not nearly as good as what Jan can bake, so clearly Jan needs to fucking get to baking for Colin), the actual reason for the dinner slips his mind. It’s just a fun evening with two of his best mates and there’s no real reason to bring anything negative up, right? He doesn’t need a hat. His hair is too nice for hats.
But then after dinner, when they’ve tidied up, and settled onto the sofa in the living room, Colin remembers. It’s hard not to, once Jan and Richard start talking.
“Did you see this?” Jan asks, showing Richard his phone. “He looks so stupid.”
Richard laughs softly, and takes a drink of wine as he curls up against Jan’s side. All three of them are on the sofa together; Colin’s at one end, and Richard is so close to Jan he may as well be sitting on his lap. “He really does. I wouldn’t be caught dead in that shirt.”
“It’s so ugly.”
“He needs a haircut.”
Colin looks back and forth between them, he knows this is going to go badly. He’s not prepared for the mental damage they’re about to cause him, but maybe since it’s just the three of them, they’re relaxed…maybe he won’t regret this forever. “Listen. Can we talk?"
Jan and Richard both turn to look at him, matching vaguely amused expressions on their faces.
“What is it?” Jan asks.
“The fellas want me to talk to you,” Colin says.
“Hmm?” Richard takes another sip of wine. “About what?”
“This,” Colin says, waving his hand between them. “You’ve gotta knock it off.”
“Knock what off?” Jan asks.
“All of this,” Colin says. “Stop it.”
Jan and Richard look at each other again, apparently having some secret conversation with their eyes that Colin can’t follow, because Richard shrugs his shoulders and Jan looks back at Colin.
“You are being homophobic,” he says.
“What?” Colin shrieks. Bloody hell, this is exactly what other fellas were trying to avoid. “I’m gay! I’m not homophobic! It has nothing to do with you being gay.”
“Then you’re jealous,” Jan says, and Richard nods; for the moment, he seems more content to sit there and drink his wine and let Jan handle this.
“I am not jealous,” Colin says. “Jesus wept. Of what?”
“Us,” Jan says.
“I have a boyfriend,” Colin says. “Remember? And we’re perfectly happy.”
“Then what is the problem?” Richard asks, finally speaking up. “What exactly do we need to knock it off. You don’t like that we cuddle?”
“I don’t give a shit if you cuddle,” Colin says. “Honestly, Jan looks comfy as hell.”
“Then you are jealous,” Richard says.
“It’s true,” Jan says, “he wants me.”
“Alright, calm down, boyo,” Colin says. “Jan, I don’t want you.”
Jan smiles and shrugs. “Hmm. Agree to disagree.”
Richard leans in and kisses Jan’s neck, snuggling closer. “It must be me then.”
“I— there is no— ugh.” Colin groans. “I don’t want to fuck either of you.”
“Everybody wants to fuck me,” Richard says. “All genders, all nationalities.”
Colin’s head falls forward. He’s going to need to get more than just a hat out of this situation. Making him sit through this stupid conversation is homophobic and the others are going to hear about it. “You’re mean!” he exclaims. He looks at Jan and Richard, waiting for them to say something, but neither of them do. “Alright? The two of separately, Christ alive, it was bad enough, but we survived. The two of you together? You’re catty. You’re rude. And the others have had enough. They want me to tell you to knock it off and stop— stop bullying us.”
Jan and Richard look at each other, and after a beat, they both start laughing.
Colin groans again, “fuck.”
“We’re bullying you?” Jan asks.
Colin is going to kill Isaac. And Sam and everyone else who voted for him. All of them! Even Moe!
“When have we bullied you?” Jan asks.
“Is this about Van Damme’s mask?” Richard asks.
“You should be nice,” Colin says. “What’s Coach Lasso taught us if not that?”
“I think we are perfectly nice,” Richard says.
Colin snorts. “No, you are not.”
“I’m Dutch,” Jan says.
“You can’t just use that as an excuse to be a prick forever,” Colin says, and Jan shrugs, like yes, I can.
“This reminds me of something I read once,” Richard says, shifting on the sofa. “It was very interesting. It was a study of personality tests.”
What the fucking hell does that have to do with anything? This has got to be one of Colin’s biggest regrets. He’s ready to get up and leave (and he’s taking the rest of the pie as his reward).
“It was about Great Britain,” Richard continues. “And it said that the Welsh are more neurotic and emotionally unstable than the English or the Scottish.”
“Fucking Christ!” Colin exclaims, while Jan laughs. “Jan!”
“You are only proving his point,” Jan say, still laughing.
“Shut up!” Colin says. “The both of you! Jesus!”
“It was clearly correct,” Richard says. “You are insane.”
“I’m not.”
“A little,” Jan says, holding up two fingers, pinched close together.
“Please,” Colin says, clasping his hands together. “Please.”
“What do you want?” Richard says. “You want us to stop talking?”
“If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”
“Oh, shut up,” Richard says, waving his wine glass dismissively.
“Please,” Colin says again. “Seriously. The lads took a vote and everything. They asked me to talk to you about this, it’s really important. I know you think it’s a joke, but it’s not. It’s like all of us and the way we treated Nate. And the way Nate treated me and Will.”
Jan and Richard look at each other, and at least have the decency to look somewhat guilty now. Which is good, because Colin was purposely trying to guilt them. It’s gonna be the only tactic that works.
“Well,” Richard says. “I don’t know if we realized it was quite like that.”
“It’s…not not like that,” Colin says. “You’ve never said anything that hurtful to me.”
“Like when Jamie called you a jaundiced worm,” Jan says.
“Right,” Colin says. “Like that. You’re not that bad. I just don’t know if the two of you realize how rude you are sometimes. So the team wanted me to give you a heads up. If you could just think about it. You’re kind of upsetting people.”
“We don’t want to upset anyone,” Jan says.
“No, certainly not,” Richard says.
“We’re only trying to be honest,” Jan says.
“Or funny,” Richard says.
“I know,” Colin says. “Look, I know you’re good blokes. You care about the team.” Like when they fixed up Ola’s. Richard had given Sam so much of his wine, and Jan had done a lot of heavy lifting and reaching things high up. “I don’t think you’re intentionally hurting our feelings.” Actually, sometimes he does, but he thinks they might be more open to listening if he doesn’t accuse them. “Just think before you speak.”
“Yes, of course,” Richard says.
“Really?”
Jan nods. “Of course. We don’t want to hurt team morale.”
“The team is important to us,” Richard says. “We’re family.”
Jan nods slowly as he thinks. “So the problem is not that we cuddle?”
“Nobody cares about the cuddling,” Colin says. “Cuddle all you want.”
“And you’re not jealous?” Jan asks.
Colin sighs. “No.” Did he think Jan was fit when he first transferred to Richmond? Yes. Is he ever, ever going to say that? No.
“This entire dinner was an excuse for you to talk to us?” Richard asks.
“Well, I love hanging out with you regardless,” Colin says. “And it was a really fun time! The food was amazing.”
“Thank you,” Richard says.
“But yes,” Colin says. “Moe’s going to make me a hat for talking to you tonight.”
“How nice,” Jan says.
“So we’re good?” Colin asks. “You don’t hate me?”
“Never,” Richard says.
“Jan?”
“No, I don’t hate you,” Jan says.
“Okay.” Colin smiles, then playfully wipes his brow. “Whew. Alright. Thank you for listening.” Honestly, that went a lot better than he was expecting.
“Of course,” Richard says. He finishes his glass of wine, and snuggles against Jan. “What should we do now?”
“There’s a new Below Deck on,” Colin says.
“I thought we were going to watch the new documentary on Netflix,” Jan says. “About the murders.”
“Non, tomorrow,” Richard says, and he gives Jan a quick kiss. “Colin is our guest. Below Deck it is.”
Jan looks at Colin and narrows his eyes, and Colin smiles apologetically. “Fine,” Jan says, then he pushes himself up. “But I want more pie.”
“Oh, moi aussi,” Richard says.
“Me three,” Colin says. “Please?”
“Yeah, yeah,” Jan murmurs, but he gives them another smile so Colin figures it’s alright.
+ + + + +
“Wow,” Colin says, trailing his fingertip over the intricate details of the hat Moe’s given him. “Bumbercatch, thank you. Really.”
“You’re welcome,” Moe says. “And thank you.”
Colin smiles. “It wasn’t so bad, in the end. You probably put more work into the hat. It’s gorgeous.”
“Thanks,” Moe says.
Colin had messaged everyone after he’d gotten home from dinner last night, giving them the update. Some of them had replied somewhat…unbelieving. But Colin assured them— Richard and Jan were fine, understanding, on board, and it should be better.
So when he’d shown up today, Moe had happily greeted him with his brand new hat. Colin puts it on and shows it off to the guys in the locker room, then he leaves it on the bench as he changes into his training kit.
“Bonjour,” Richard announces as he walks into the locker room, followed by Jan.
They’re met with a slightly awkward silence, as the guys glance around at each other, unsure of what to say. But Jan takes his seat on Colin’s right, and Richard takes his spot on his left, and everything seems normal, so everyone starts talking again.
“Is this your payment hat?” Jan asks, picking it up off the bench.
“Yes,” Colin says, with some hesitation. Even though last night went well, he’s not sure how he feels about his brand new, beautiful, delicate hat in Jan’s hands.
“Pretty,” Jan says, and he hands the hat back to Colin.
“Thank you.”
They all get changed and ready for training, and Colin’s stomach sinks when he sees Van Damme put his mask on. Richard and Jan glance at each other, but they don’t say anything (at least not out loud, Colin’s still sure they have a secret language), so he relaxes some. Okay. Maybe it’s okay.
He should’ve known they can’t be trusted.
“How is your ankle?” Sam asks Jamie.
“Right as rain, Sammy-o,” Jamie says as he hops up and down a couple times.
“Better than his highlights,” Richard murmurs, and Jan grins.
“Oh no,” Colin says softly.
Everyone turns to look at them, because apparently even Richard’s quiet words were loud enough for everyone to hear. “Did you say something about my hair?” Jamie asks.
“Oui,” Richard says, and he pushes himself up. “The blond does not suit your skin tone.”
Jamie’s mouth falls open, and he lets out a tiny squeak of shock.
“You are better as a brunet.”
“He is right,” Jan says as he stands as well. “I liked your hair better last year.”
“I didn’t know we were taking fucking polls, Jan Maas!” Jamie yells back.
“Why not?” Richard asks. “Apparently you are taking secret team votes.”
“Oh fucking hell,” Colin says, burying his face in his hands as the locker room erupts into shouting.
“Oi!” Roy says, and they all turn to look at him. “Leave Jamie’s hair alone. It’s fucking walnut mist, alright?”
“Yeah,” Jamie says, and he walks over to Roy. “Thanks, Coach.” Roy just quietly grunts in return.
Isaac storms over to Colin and grabs his arm, yanking him to his feet and dragging him a couple feet away. “I thought you said you talked to them,” he says.
“I did!” Colin exclaims. “Last night. But it’s not my fault! I can’t control them.”
“We had a deal,” Moe says, and he reaches out, snatching the hat from Colin.
“What?” Colin tries to grab the hat, but Moe holds it behind his back. “That’s mine.”
“Not anymore.”
Colin whimpers softly. “But that’s not fair.”
“Life’s not fair,” Moe says. “You’ll get it back when they behave.” He turns, shoving the hat into his bag.
“You arseholes,” Colin says, turning back to look at Jan and Richard. “You owe me a hat.”
Richard scoffs. “You’d look terrible in it anyway. You don’t have the face for a hat.”
Jan nods in agreement. “We did you a favour.” He pats Colin’s on the shoulder as he and Richard walk by him. They take each other by the hand and walk towards the door.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” Colin pouts for a moment, before he feels something brush against his arm. When he turns, he sees Jamie hovering at his side, hands twisted in the hem of his jersey. “What now?”
“Do you think I looked better last year?” Jamie asks, and Colin sighs. Fucking hell. He’s never getting that hat back.