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“Thank you so much for doing this,” Foolish said, handing off a small backpack of stuff. Technoblade took it without question, setting it on the floor quickly to clear his arms for the tyke the other god was bouncing on his hip. “She’s really young today and no one else knows about her regression, so I couldn’t have anyone over to watch her and the sand really needs to be collected today—”
oh the baby is back shes so cute e e e i want to bite them how old do you think ki is e e not sure but she looks really eepy yes so cute the definition of adorable for sure can we keep her vouch
“No worries,” Technoblade grunted, arms out. Ramble cut short, Foolish grinned at him and bounced Eret on his hip once more.
“Alright, baby,” the man cooed to the kid, whose eyes were barely open. There was a green pacifier in her mouth, decorated with shiny little gems, with a few beads on the handle that spelled out ‘princess’. It bobbed in her mouth but this was the sole reaction to Foolish kissing her forehead.
shes so tired so adorable asking again can we keep it e e e pleeease i wanna keep the babe drop it e can we play monopoly with her that would be mean we would crush her guys shut up theyre a child they cant play monopoly but tommy can tommy is like twelve e e e really are you sure can we pay attention to the baby the blade is now holding
Technoblade took the tyke onto his hip and bounced her gently. Eret spooled limply over his chest, head plopping onto his shoulder. He froze, fearful he’d done something wrong.
“Don’t look so scared,” Foolish said in his farewell speech. “She’s really tired. Poor thing couldn’t close her eyes last night.”
shouldve taped them shut wow thats harsh e e do you think she had nightmares or insomnia i vote insomnia you shouldnt make assumptions insomet that wasnt funny wot do you mean im hilarious the baby eee the kid is so fragile we are not dropping the child be quiet
“Oh,” Technoblade said, if only to shut the voices up. He should’ve mediated earlier, but he’d been busy renovating a farm out the back of the property, near where his old turtle farm had been, and he’d largely skipped through most of the morning. Now, it was coming up on noon.
“Eret’s around three right now, so she’ll probably go down for a nap around half past? If she stays like this, she’ll be out before then. Make sure she doesn’t sleep for more than an hour. Ki gets grumpy otherwise. And I don’t know if she’ll take solid food? You might have to feed her with the bottles in the bag. But really, if there’s any trouble, you can call me.”
“I can take care of a kid,” Technoblade declared. Eret huffed a breath onto his neck and shifted slightly, her hand rising to rest under her head, her paci bobbing sedately.
“I sure hope you can,” Foolish grinned. “I’m trusting you with her.”
“Alright, alright, you can go now,” Technoblade nodded him off. There had been a bad sandstorm over the past week and part of Foolish’s mob farming pyramid had collapsed. He’d only seen the damage on his inspection today, as this was the first break in the winds, and apparently not even his stores of sandstone were enough to fix it.
He couldn’t exactly bring a three-year old sand digging with him, especially not one so drousy, so Technoblade had been the recipient of a pleading call around ten am, where he’d agreed to babysit for the majority of the day.
It wasn’t like Technoblade had much to do. Phil was out in the nether and had said he would be gone until around three, having left at seven am, and Niki was busy in her underground city. Ranboo…. Techno didn’t know what Ranboo was doing but he was probably busy with Tubbo, or doing something with Tommy.
Plus, Techno was a good guy. Of course, he would accept the begging of another god and look after that guy’s kid. Was Eret really his kid? Sure, Foolish was her caregiver, but did that make her his kid? Technoblade guessed so.
obviously, came the chant of the voices, some much louder than the rest. eret is his little babe havent you noticed can we stop staring at nothing i still think we should play monopoly shes shifting is she gonna cry
Blinking to find Foolish very much gone, Technoblade closed his door quietly, feeling a bit silly for standing there for so long. Walking back into his warm house, he noted how Eret made a little chirping hiccup sound and wiggled closer to him.
Turning briefly to grab the backpack off the floor, Techno otherwise made a straight line to the couch. He set Eret down first, letting her curl up in the furs as he sat on the other end.
Foolish had packed the bag to the brim. He opened it and a teddy bear fell out, plopping onto Eret’s socked feet. The kid was wearing a large shirt – which was possibly Foolish’s because it was huge – and a pink skirt that came down to her knees. Her socks were fluffy and striped in white and pink. With the white shirt, Techno was spotting a pattern. Even her leggings were a pale pink.
Blinking at the touch, Eret lifted her head up and reached for the bear. When her hand stopped just short of reaching, Technoblade grabbed the bear and gave it to her, surprised by her slurred appreciation. Eret clutched the thing to her chest and snuggled back down with it in the furs of the couch.
The voices screeched deafeningly about how cute she was. Technoblade quietly agreed with them.
In the backpack, there was a lot of stuff. There were the bottles Foolish had mentioned – three ones filled with milk; cooling and preserving charms drawn on the plastic – as well as an empty sippy cup, nearly identical to the one she’d drank her apple juice in that day a few weeks ago. The totem had also packed a few baggies of snacks, from a ziplock pouch of raspberries to a chunk of chocolate in another. There was even a pouched yoghurt, though Technoblade guessed that was the alternative to the chocolate, if she didn’t age up from her toddler headspace.
All that was in just one compartment. Techno opened up another zipper, the one for the front pouch, and found a plastic pack of wipes. He had towels and water in his house, but he was appreciative of how Foolish thought. In the other compartment, which was the largest, Technoblade found a couple nappies and a folded up blanket, alongside some baby powder and a change of clothes.
Suddenly wondering if Eret was wearing a nappy currently – as that meant he would probably have to change it sooner rather than later – Technoblade turned to the kid and found her watching him.
“Sup,” he said, “You wearin’ a diaper?”
Eret nodded. He wondered how he’d missed that, considering he’d held her.
“Okay. You’ll tell me when it needs changed, right?”
She nodded again.
“Good kid,” Techno grinned. She grinned back, giggling a little, and almost lost her paci. Thankfully, there was a short strap tied around its handle that was clipped to her large shirt which meant, even if it did fall out of her mouth, it wouldn’t go far. “So, you wanna introduce me to your bear?”
Eret held up the brown bear. It had an overly large body compared to a small head. “Ted,” she managed past her pacifier. The handle jiggled with the movement.
“Ted?” Technoblade repeated, pleased when she nodded energetically. “That’s a good name. I’ve got a bear too, y’know.”
“Rwewah?” Really? She burbled, question almost lost in translation.
“Yep,” he nodded. Technoblade thought about his options. “He’s called Steve. D’you wanna go see him?”
“Yuh!” Eret chirped. He noted her hiccupping again and wondered if it was some sort of tic. Her hands were flapping around, though less obviously than they could’ve been, as she was busy clutching Ted to her chest. “Wan’ see bear!”
“C’mon then, squirt,” he offered her a hand and she clung to it. Figuring he was going to have to lift her anyways, Technoblade took a moment to hook his arms around her and get her secure on his hip. Her legs kicked back and forth in her excitement. “Hey, you’re not too cold, are you?”
“Nuh-uh,” she hummed.
“You gotta tell me if you do get cold, okay?”
For being so young, Eret was surprisingly obedient. “Okie dokie.”
“How old are you, squirt?” He stepped over to the trapdoor beside his front door and instructed for her to hold onto her bear tightly.
The kid sat back, halting Technoblade’s motion to start bending over to get the trapdoor open. Instead, he kicked it open and found the kid didn’t even notice. She was too busy staring at her fingers, splitting them apart.
Eventually, after a few moments, Eret offered him three fingers. Not much had changed then.
“Thanks, kiddo,” he grinned. Eret grinned back and tucked her head and legs in without fuss when he told her to.
Technoblade climbed down the ladder, down to the first floor, which acted more as a cellar. Down here, Steve sat on a mountain of hay that he’d amassed. It was a tight fit going down the ladder usually and with Eret clinging to him, there was even less space. Thankfully, the kid didn’t seem to mind being squished to his chest for the few moments it took to climb down.
“This is Steve,” Techno introduced once he was a few steps away from the ladder. He gave Eret a bounce to get her attention when she took a few moments too long to open her eyes. The polar bear got to his feet and snuffled at his legs.
Head lifting, she turned in slow motion. Technoblade stood patiently, a hand resting on Steve’s big head to keep him from instantly licking the kid. Eret took one look at the big guy and froze.
Steve sniffed up at one of her feet. Techno lifted his hand up and the polar bear snorted a breath over his fingers and Eret’s leg.
here it comes, someone chimed.
She burst into tears; loud sobs ringing through his skull and silencing the voices in a way nothing else ever had. Technoblade, partly to save his hearing but mostly to soothe the kid, started bouncing her on his hip, gently corralling a curious Steve away from the upset kid.
“Hey, hey,” he cooed, waiting until she was only sniffling. Her paci lay against her chest and a shiver wracked up her spine. Pulling his cape over what he could of her shoulders and back, he hoped to get her back down to the level of calm that she’d first arrived in. “What’s wrong? Are you scared of Steve?”
Said bear snuffled in the corner. Eret heard him, looked in his direction, and started quietly crying again. The hushed tears were worse than the loud ones, because this time, she was so obviously terrified yet seemed unable to vocalise it.
Technoblade bounced and rocked her. He pulled her head gently down onto his chest and threw a steak from his inventory at Steve. With Eret shaking and scared, he jumped up the ladder in a few steps and tried to set her back on the couch.
“No!” She whimpered when he tried to let go of her. Her arms wrapped around his neck and her legs curled brutally around his waist. “Pwease! Erie’s sowwy!”
Unsure, Technoblade tried to hush her. She slapped her hands over her eyes to hide her tears and plastered her lips into a thin line.
“Erie’s sowwy,” she repeated, warbling sadly. “Pwease, don’ make go ‘way.”
The voices screeched deafeningly. dont hurt her shes so precious we need to protect them tell him he can stay as long as he wants vouch e vouch vouch stop vouching me i didnt do anything e shush yeah be quiet focus on the babe
“Why would I?” He asked, not sure what he should be asking. Why would she say that unless there had been a bad reaction in the past to her tears? Was Foolish to blame?
He’d thought the totem god was one of the more sedate players on the server. It seemed the man’s history was not so far in the past…
“D- Dweam alwuhs—” she hiccupped loudly and curled her hands into her hair, tugging harshly. Technoblade slipped his fingers between hers and worked on gently prying her fingers away from her curls before any damage was done. “He alwuhs hit Erie for bein’ too loud.”
were gonna kill him destroy the green scourge e e e do something blade pet her shes like a soggy pup ew no ki is like a downtrodden flower since when do you know what downtrodden means e techno read to us he said downtrodden earlier e lies you guys dont know what that means yes we do be quiet all of you the baby is crying e yeah smh be respectful e ohh can we hug her yet nah bro I vote for slaying a certain admin haha
“You’re not too loud,” he reassured her, though his ears had gone a bit tone-deaf. Dream had known about her regression? Or maybe, he’d lashed out at the older Eret and she’d taken it to heart so deeply that it affected her when she was regressed?
Technoblade quietly hoped someone as horrible as Dream had never seen Eret whilst she was a child. The monster that tormented this server wasn’t the same man he’d once known; nowadays, Dream deserved more than ever to be locked away in that prison. If Technoblade ever laid eyes on him, it was right back to that cell for him.
“You got a little scared,” Techno continued. “That’s okay. You’re allowed to be scared and you are allowed to cry, squirt.”
dadnoblade real e e yeah of course e didnt know he was actually good at this
Eret sniffled. Techno rifled through the backpack and pulled out a wipe for her to clean her face with. She did so with clumsy hands but she got the job done.
“Good girl,” he hummed as he threw the wipe into his bin. She didn’t want to be set down, eyes watering when he even suggested it, so Technoblade took to pacing around his living room as he bounced her on his hip. “Anything you want, kiddo? I could read you a story? Maybe you want some milk?”
Something he’d said caught her attention and Eret lifted her head from his shoulder. “In bohhle?”
Bottle. She’d asked if the milk was in a bottle.
“Yep,” he said. “You want it warmed or anythin’?”
“Mmmm, yessie,” Eret nodded. She peered down at everything, seeming very interested in the world as Techno tusseled with the backpack’s zippers and eventually got one of the bottles free. She watched with wide eyes as he set the bottle on the table and traced a sign around it. In a blink, the milk was warm, the bottle hot to the touch.
“Woah,” she babbled. “’oo do mageek like baba!”
yes like baba oh shes so precious can we keep her e e no pleeease i said no but i want to keep her me too e e me three i call dibs
With her distracted, Techno shuffled them off his hip and into his arms. The little squirt stared at their bottle the entire time, attention unwavering as he sat down on the couch and pulled them into his lap.
“Gotta get your milk warm somehow,” Techno teased. Eret giggled quietly and hesitantly poked the bottle as he lifted it up. Apparently deciding it wasn’t too hot, she settled against his chest, shuffling so that she was lying more than sitting in his lap. Technoblade wrapped a supportive arm around her back and held the bottle at an angle as he guided it to their mouth.
Eret latched on. Instantly, her shoulders sagged and her eyes slipped shut. She gulped at the milk so quickly that Technoblade had to tell her to stop, taking to rocking her back and forth in his lap as she sucked at the bottle at a more sedate pace. Knowing she wasn’t about to choke on some milk, Technoblade breathed a little easier and found she was putty in his arms as the bottle’s contents drained away.
Slowly pulling the bottle away from her lips, Technoblade recalled what he’d done with Phil’s kids years ago and burped her before giving the kid her pacifier back and watching as it bobbed away. Eret was more than half asleep, not even shifting when he settled her back on the couch, putting her down to lie amongst the furs with Ted in her arms.
Deciding that she could have her nap, Technoblade grabbed the book off his coffee table and settled in to watch over her as she snoozed.
The door handle jingled as someone tried to open the door. Ears perking at the noise, Technoblade peeled his eyes open, knowing that a lack of loud stomping outside meant that Foolish hadn’t returned. If it wasn’t Foolish and Phil was still in the nether, there was a small list of people who he would let into his house with the tyke dozing.
When the door finally opened, Ranboo stumbled into the house with a quiet squeak, frantically brushing a few flecks of snow off his hair with his brown mittens. The unsuspecting white speck floated down to glaze Technoblade’s wooden floor with an air of serenity that made Ranboo’s miniature panic over it rather unbecoming of the eight foot tall enderman.
He grunted at the kid as he took his coat off and hung it on the coat stand, worming his gloves off before shoving them into one of its large pockets. A mismatched face turned to blink at him, the boy’s wide eyes almost glowing in the gloom of the part of the room not touched by the fire’s glare. The winter dark was settling in earlier than expected and Technoblade had started a small blaze in the hearth to keep the place warm. It wouldn’t do to make the squirt sick because he’d been too callous to start a fire.
“Heya, Techno!” Ranboo beamed. He skulked over in that gangly, uneasy way of his; wobbling on his own two legs. The boy caught sight of Eret, now coddled up in a blanket and drooling over a couch cushion. Their pacifier was half out of their mouth, the decorative gems glinting in the glow of the fire. As Ranboo looked down at them, his eyes caught the light of the fire and became illuminated.
“Oh,” he said, far quieter. “I didn’t wake them, did I?”
Unsure if Eret would want Ranboo to be seeing them like this, in case they were sensitive about it when they aged back up to normal, Technoblade remained quiet as he tipped his head up to get a look at their eyes. The squirt was slowly blinking at the fire, eyes slitted. Everything about them screamed dazed and half-asleep.
“Probably,” he whispered back.
Ranboo sunk in on himself with a guilty frown.
Eret’s jaw shivered on a yawn and she closed her eyes again. A quick glance at the clock found it had only been forty minutes – Foolish had said to let them nap no longer than an hour, so Technoblade didn’t have to worry about waking them up yet. She could sleep on.
Technoblade let the quiet hang for a moment longer. When Eret didn’t shift or show signs of waking up further, he turned his focus back to his surprise visitor. It wasn’t an unwelcome visit, they were neighbours so it was to be expected, however it was startling to see him around the Commune on a day like this. Wasn’t it supposed to be sunny around the main area?
“Thought you were out with Tommy and Tubbo?”
“Huh?” Ranboo jumped at being addressed. He’d been staring at Eret.
Unconsciously, Technoblade’s tusks grew out a few inches. They poked at his lips in case he needed to protect his runt.
Reeling himself in, Technoblade forced his tusks back into his gums. Eret wasn’t his kid and she certainly didn’t need to be protected from Ranboo of all people. As he grinded his teeth together in an effort to keep his tusks repressed, the half-enderman fidgeted with his fingers and began to ramble.
“Oh,” Ranboo was unaware of Technoblade’s flitting instincts and acted like his usual nervous self, which helped Technoblade’s internal battle very little. “We were going to go hiking but it started to rain. I was going to help Phil with his sewing project – or well, my sewing project that he’s helping me with? Um, he’s teaching me how to stitch and stuff but I keep pricking my fingers on the needle so he always has to finish the stitch himself…”
“Did they blow you off?”
“H- What?”
“Ditch you,” Technoblade repeated. The rising annoyance at Ranboo’s unfortunate situation put a growl into his words. “They ditched you, didn’t they?”
“Um, uh,” Ranboo fiddled with his fingers. This action alone said more than enough.
Sighing, Technoblade gestured to the couch. “Do you want to sit beside Eret and me or just me?”
“What?” Ranboo blinked. His eyes flicked from the aforementioned spots as though judging their benefits.
“Well, if the tyke wakes up and wants a bottle, you’ll probably need to feed her if you sit beside her.”
She had just been fed, but Ranboo didn’t need to know that. If looking after her scared Ranboo off, then perhaps that was for the better. Technoblade would be babysitting for most of the day, after all.
“How young is she?” Ranboo stepped around the couch and approached slowly. He seemed to be, surprisingly, leaning towards sitting near Eret. Technoblade hadn’t pegged him as a kid guy, but he did suppose he and Tubbo had looked after a baby piglin together for a while.
“Around three,” although she could have slipped younger after getting upset.
Interestingly enough, Ranboo hadn’t asked any real questions yet. None of the whats or whys. Though it wasn’t unusual for the boy to hold his cards close to his chest and feel out the edges before he asked anything important, Technoblade hadn’t really expected for him to just go along with what was happening.
He seemed clued in, though. Maybe he already knew about age regression? Technoblade had heard of it before meeting Eret, so it was entirely possible Ranboo had read about it or something.
Ranboo nodded along quite seriously. Technoblade grabbed his book from his lap and shifted over to the end of the couch, patting the warm area he’d just left behind. “C’mon, kid.”
The boy let his smile slip out as he zoomed into the space. Ranboo was a tall, lanky guy but he curled up real tiny when he wanted to; he slotted perfectly into the area between him and the squirt. Eret didn’t even shift at the slight movement of the couch.
Tail wrapping around his leg, Ranboo seemed happy enough. Technoblade went back to his book, having paused in reading it before to meditate. Looking after a kid was one thing; looking after a kid whilst listening to a thousand voices screeching was another entirely. Technoblade was a very sane and sensible man and so had chosen the former option without a hint of the latter.
“So,” Ranboo piped up after a few minutes. Having been expecting something, Technoblade marked his page and looked up. The kid was watching Eret, head turned attentively. “Who’s their usual caregiver?”
Figuring telling him wouldn’t be a massive breach of trust on anyone’s part, Technoblade indulged Ranboo’s curiosity whilst being a bit curious himself. This query confirmed that Ranboo knew about age regression.
“Foolish.”
The half-enderman turned with wide eyes.
“Y’know, the gold guy who lives in the desert,” Technoblade shrugged. “All bright and handsome?”
“I know Foolish…” Ranboo managed. “You’re sure he’s their caregiver?”
“Yep, couldn’t see why he’d lie.”
“But- But they’re so,” Ranboo made a pinching gesture as if to describe Eret as small. “And he’s,” Next, he spread his hands out wide.
Had he only seen Foolish in his giant form? Technoblade knew the totem god had built Tubbo and Ranboo their mansion… That build was pretty large.
“And Foolish is so… loud!” Ranboo spluttered. “I’ve only ever seen Eret in passing but they’re so quiet and reserved; all they do is smile and wave when we see each other.”
“Listen, kid, I don’t know how it worked out.” Truthfully, he did. Totem and Wither had been best of buds for eons longer than Ranboo had been alive. Of course, Eret would share something like this with the half-totem. They had been inseparable up until a few years ago, when she had disappeared into thin air.
Finding her here, on a lonely spit of a server, was nothing short of a surprise. To find her embroiled within Wilbur’s plans for ‘independence’ had been almost amusing, considering how free-spirited they’d been in the past. It had been a hard awakening when he’d seen them sitting on that throne, eyes covered, shoulders straining under invisible pressure.
This server had warped everyone. Perhaps, Eret had been warped the most. If Technoblade wasn’t sure she was Wither, he could’ve thought she was someone else entirely.
They lapsed into a short silence. Maybe silence was the wrong word; the fire crackled, Eret shifted in their cocoon of warm things, Ranboo’s tail slapped against the couch’s edge. The room smelt like the cedar wood he was burning and the pages of an old book. Beside him, a faint lemony scent wafted from Ranboo’s jumper. It was quiet. It was peaceful.
At the end of the couch, Eret shifted again. Ranboo looked over just as the tyke stretched out and kicked her feet into his lap. The kid let her fluffy socks rest on his thigh as her knees bent. She was nearly the length of the couch, so when she stretched out fully and sagged like that, her feet ended up in Technoblade’s lap. Ranboo was trapped under her legs but seemed unconcerned.
Technoblade tickled her feet and had her eyes popping open. It had been about an hour, he figured. Foolish had been strict with his rules and Technoblade would rather avoid a grumpy babe.
He tickled her some more and she pulled her feet away, giggling quietly. They looked half-asleep, eyes fluttering slowly, and ended up curling into a ball that had her legs off Ranboo as well. She tugged her bear to her chest and pulled her pacifier off the pillow. It bobbing away was the only motion she made aside from breathing.
“Uh,” Ranboo looked over to him. He seemed unsure of what to do.
Technoblade got to his feet and stretched too. The fire made him lax and lazy. With three of them here, he could probably set up a game or something to keep everyone awake.
“C’mon, squirt,” he set his hand over Eret’s shoulder and marvelled at how he dwarfed her. “Time to wake up. You’ve had your nap.”
Eret whined at him. When he gently shook them, they peeked an eye open and sent him a grumpy stare. Had he let them doze for too long?
“We got a new friend, squirt. Don’t you wanna meet him?”
“New fwen’?” Eret yawned cutely and stuck her arms out under her in an effort to sit up. She babbled quietly as her arms shook. When it looked like they couldn’t get up under their own steam, and just before they got annoyed about it, Technoblade slipped his hands under their arms and eased her upright.
Sitting properly, Eret squirmed. Her nose scrunched up as she shifted her legs. Pulling them under her, she made a frustrated noise and pushed her legs out, letting them hang off the side of the couch. She took a stuttering breath and shut her eyes. Kid looked like she was about to cry.
“What’s wrong, kiddo?” He crouched down to her height as though that would help him understand the reason behind this sudden irritation.
Eret babbled incoherently. When she evidently couldn’t get the words out that she wanted, her voice picked up in a whine and she made the hiccupping noise from earlier but in a higher, more distressed tone. Ranboo shifted uncertainly as their whine quickly shifted to watery gasps and then, long sobs. No tears yet, but they weren’t far off.
“What’s happening, should we call Foolish?” Ranboo fretted, hands shifting back and forth like he wasn’t sure if he should touch them. Eret started rubbing their fingers, clutching Ted to their chest as they whined. For a tantrumming child, they were staying remarkably still.
Without waiting for a response, Ranboo was mumbling away to Eret, “It’s okay, Eret. Are you hungry? Are you cold? What about your socks, are they uncomfortable?”
Obviously unhappy, Eret didn’t respond. Foolish had mentioned in their initial call that Eret was sensitive. He’d told the totem he could handle a few tantrums, though when one spontaneously occurred out of the blue, it upset Technoblade a bit. They could’ve at least waited until he started talking nonsense before crying.
Talking shit, Phil would’ve said.
Something struck him.
“Oi, squirt,” he called, watching as Eret looked up at him through teary lashes. “You need your diaper changed?”
Almost frantically, Eret nodded. She suckled harshly on her pacifier as her abrupt tears slowed and kicked her legs back and forth with a sour expression.
“Good job,” he reassured, pulling out the changing kit. Passing them off a wipe to clean their face – they needed more help this time; a sure sign they’d slipped younger – Technoblade hoisted them up and paused to find somewhere he could lay them down.
“There’s a mat in here,” Ranboo chirped, pulling a mat out of the backpack. It must’ve been under the change of clothes, as Technoblade hadn’t seen it before. “You could put them on the table?”
“Sure,” he didn’t mind. The table could be cleaned and with the mat, it wouldn’t be messy at all.
Eret hiccupped quietly as she patiently waited for them to get their act together. They clutched Ted close to their face, paci bobbing as their eyes blazed in the gloomy room.
Ranboo cleared the table and laid the mat out. When it came down to it, Technoblade ushered him away and got Eret comfortable with a few tickles before changing them. They were sedate throughout the process, something he wasn’t sure was reassuring. Not a flinch or a wriggle as he cleaned them up with a few wipes and powdered them. Foolish had everything needed in the backpack, which was a huge help, as it reassured Technoblade he wasn’t forgetting anything. When he strapped the new diaper up and got their skirt back into place, Eret whined and mumbled at the leggings.
“Don’t want them?” He asked, watching as she looked away moodily. He took that as an agreement to his statement, as they had lifted their feet away when he’d made to put them on her. “Okay, no worries. The fire should keep you nice and warm.”
“Positively toasty,” Ranboo agreed, deciding to reintroduce himself to the conversation when Technoblade picked Eret up. She slotted nicely into his side, peering up at his face with an air of mute leisure only a child could obtain.
At the voice, Eret turned to look. She blinked at Ranboo before shoving Ted out towards him. She mumbled something past her paci that was known only to her.
Ranboo blinked at the bear.
“That’s Ted,” Technoblade clarified, hoping he was understanding what the tyke was doing. “She’s introducing you to him.”
“Oh!” Ranboo smiled widely. His eyes practically glittered. “Nice to meet you, Ted! And you, Eret! I’m Ranboo.”
Eret made a pleased noise and hugged Ted back to her chest. As her eyes shut on a long yawn, Ranboo mouthed something at him.
Technoblade nodded.
“Hey, Eret,” the kid began conspiratorially. “Someone told me you’re really good at colouring. Do you want to—”
Ranboo didn’t even get to finish his question. At the word colour, Eret’s eyes burst open and she let out a loud squeak. Legs jumping at Technoblade’s sides, she gestured wildly with her hands, eager to be set on the couch again. When she was, she scrambled over to the backpack and pulled a colouring book and a packet of crayons out of a back pocket that Technoblade hadn’t looked in.
Cheering, either at his success or at Eret’s excitement, Ranboo was quick to sit down with Eret. The toddler delegated him to be crayon holder as they shakily got the colouring book open and started looking through the available options. Some were already coloured in – with a stark contrast between the ones Foolish had evidently helped with and the ones Eret had went solo for. Eret seemed to be better at colour matching though her lines were far shakier than the totem’s.
“Can I help?” Ranboo asked, voice lighter than usual. His tail was sailing through the air behind him, lightly tapping off the couch cushions. Usually, the kid kept his tail tucked down or curled around his leg, as he apparently felt it got in the way. Technoblade stood and watched the two as Eret picked a page. Ranboo got the crayons out of the box after Eret’s enthusiastic nod and slurred agreement.
He sat down on the single-seater couch and grabbed his book off the coffee table as the two kids took to brightening a page of deep sea fish. Ranboo started listing off facts about fish he knew as Eret alternated between colouring sloppily and staring at him with wide, attentive eyes. Whenever a fact intrigued her, Eret would clap, making a shy grin spread over Ranboo’s face. By the time Ranboo had exhausted his fun facts, he was grinning from ear to ear as Eret burbled at him, kicking her legs back and forth happily. Ranboo’s tail was a blur behind his head.
Technoblade looked up at the rustling of a page. The kids were picking another one to colour in. He looked over to the clock on the hearth. It had been nearly half an hour.
“You guys hungry?” He asked, getting to his feet. The heat was making his bones melt and he was forced to stretch again. “I know I could go for a good stir fry round about now.”
“Not really,” Ranboo shook his head meekly, seeming apologetic.
Eret patted her belly and nodded. Technoblade ruffled her hair.
“That’s alright, kid,” he said to Ranboo. Then, to Eret, he asked, “You want a snack from your bag or something else?”
Tilting her head, Eret looked over at the backpack. Ranboo picked up on the non-verbal cue perfectly and reached out for it. Technoblade intercepted it and opened the compartment with snack baggies in it. He pulled out the yoghurt and got a frowny face. Eret shook her head at the chocolate. When she saw the raspberries, she hiccupped loudly and reached out for them with zest.
“Raspberries it is,” he hummed, watching as the toddler struggled with the ziplock bag. Ranboo seemed to be old enough to manage, as he gently reached over and fiddled with it for a moment and got it open. Maybe Technoblade should’ve opened it before handing it over.
Eret babbled as she picked up the raspberries one at a time and chowed down on them. Ranboo watched, waiting quietly for them to resume their colouring activity.
“You sure you don’t want anything, Ranboo?”
The kid jumped at being addressed. “No, sir, thank you.”
Huffing a surprised breath, Technoblade peered at him. “You can call me Techno, kid. No need for ‘sir’.”
“Oh, sorry,” Ranboo looked a bit like a deer in headlights.
Eret reached into the backpack and pulled out the bag with chocolate in it before Technoblade could protest. She turned to Ranboo and dropped it in his lap without a word and seamlessly, as though it had never happened, went back to eating her raspberries.
Looking confounded, Ranboo stared at the chocolate.
“This is yours, Eret.” He said, though he looked rather enticed by it. “I- Do you want it opened?”
The squirt nodded. Ranboo looked less worried, though a little sad, and opened the baggie with the same efficiency he had before.
When the bag was nudged into Eret’s lap, she grabbed it and set it back in Ranboo’s.
“Eret?” The kid questioned.
She pointed at the bag and then to Ranboo.
“Think she’s sayin’ it’s yours now, kid,” Technoblade translated, pleased to see Eret being so kind. He hadn’t expected a toddler to be so observant and considerate.
“I- Really?” Eret nodded. Ranboo flushed with poorly hidden glee. “Th- thank you!”
Eret giggled and plopped another raspberry into her mouth. Ted sat in her lap, positioned so that it looked as though he was holding the baggie for her. With Ranboo vwooping happily as he tried the chocolate, Technoblade set the backpack on the floor and left the two on the couch for the time being.
As he rustled up a late lunch for himself and got some cheese slices out for the kids, the two mumbled quietly amongst themselves. Ranboo seemed to understand Eret’s baby babbles, which was a far step up from her baby speech, and Eret understood Ranboo’s silent body language better than some adults did. Technoblade was surprised the two didn’t get along well whilst not regressed.
Something zipped past the window in the kitchen. Recognising it immediately, Technoblade wasn’t surprised in the least when the door opened a few minutes later.
“Phil!” Ranboo called over. “Hello!”
Eret lifted her head and burbled in greeting. They grabbed their crayons and lifted them up as if showing them off.
Despite the lack of words, Ranboo was nodding enigmatically. “Yeah! Come see our colouring, Phil!”
“Hey, mate,” Phil smiled as he strolled in. He dumped his light coat on the coat stand, beside Ranboo’s much thicker one, and flapped out his wings, earning a few appreciative noises from the kids. Technoblade watched over his shoulder as the blond man strolled over to the kids to look at their picture. “You guys did this? Wow, so pretty.”
Dishing up his lunch, Technoblade grabbed the plate of cheese slices and brought them over to the kids. Ranboo graciously made room between them for the plate and Eret dropped her pacifier to her lap as she reached for a slice the second it was set down. Clutching his bowl of noodles, Technoblade grunted.
“Oh, smells nice,” Phil turned to him. “I had a few sandwiches out mining.”
“You get much?”
“Some quartz. Not enough for what I need.”
Sitting down, Technoblade started spooning at his food. Phil dropped onto the arm of his single-seater and watched as the kids switched between eating cheese and colouring. The avian tipped his head towards Ranboo and looked down to Technoblade.
He shrugged in response to the silent question. He hadn’t known Ranboo was a regressor until today.
“Hey, kids,” Phil turned to the two and got two attentive stares in response. “How old are you both?”
“I’m six,” said Ranboo. “Or seven. I- I’m not sure.”
“That’s fine, bubs,” Phil smiled gently. Ranboo smiled back shyly at the reassurance.
Eret, on the other hand, lifted one hand and spread all her fingers wide. Technoblade did not for one moment believe that she was five. True to his suspicion, Eret used her other hand to grab two fingers and separate them from the rest. She showed off her hand with a grin, paci lying on her thigh. She was two, although Technoblade would’ve pegged her a little lower.
“Good job,” Phil gave her a thumbs up and she giggled. Her paci found its way back to her mouth and she clumsily grabbed the crayon she’d set down. Their picture was nearly fully coloured in.
Ranboo munched on the cheese quietly as Eret scribbled with the blue crayon. She turned to look at him and made an odd gesture with her head. The boy nodded.
He looked up to them, pinning Technoblade with his bright stare. “Can- Is- uhm, juice?”
“You want some juice?” Phil peered down at him. Ranboo nodded, quickly joined by Eret. “Yeah, okay. You guys good with mugs?”
“Eret’s got a sippy in her bag,” Technoblade said. Quick, Ranboo reached for the bag and Eret stuck her arm into it. She pulled out the sippy cup she’d had a few weeks ago and proffered it to Phil, swinging it by the handle.
“Alright,” the avian laughed. “What juice do you have, Tech?”
“Apple,” he said, thinking. Since that visit to the desert he’d discovered the pros of its taste. “Maybe orange?”
“I’s got strawberry,” Ranboo chirped.
“Oh? Over at your place, bubs?”
Ranboo nodded. Eret waved about her cup, gurgling.
“Eret wants strawberry, too,” the boy added.
“Okay, no problem,” Phil held out his hand and Eret pushed her sippy towards him. She was a bit off and very shaky but Phil just moved his hand and grabbed it before it veered too far away. Eret pulled her hand back and clapped before going back to her colouring, seemingly entirely unconcerned about the process of juice acquirement so long as she got some. “Thanks, Eret. I’ll pop over and be back in a few.”
Phil set the sippy on the table and disappeared out the door. Technoblade sat quietly, slurping up the last of his noodles as the kids finished their picture. Ranboo offered the babe the last slice of cheese before eating it himself when Eret shook her head.
“Anything you guys want to do after this?” Technoblade asked as he stood. He grabbed the empty plate on his way past and dumped everything in the sink.
Eret was quiet. Ranboo made a long, drawn-out humming sound. When neither spoke, Technoblade left them to think it over.
He washed the dishes in record time. Phil returned just as he was wiping his hands of the task, carting a bottle of concentrated juice. Pulling a mug out of one of his cupboards, Technoblade set it on the counter for Phil to fill.
“Thanks, mate,” the man said, setting the sippy beside it. He poured some concentrate into them both and Technoblade ran the cold tap and filled them. Screwing the lid onto Eret’s sippy had looked easier when Foolish had been the one doing it, but he managed.
Both kids reached for the juice happily. Eret was quiet as she pulled out her pacifier and started gulping away, whilst Ranboo was more refined as he took little sips before setting it on the coffee table. Technoblade peered down at their finished picture and complimented it as he sat down beside Eret and made sure they didn’t choke. Phil checked out the backpack as Eret got bored of her sippy and handed it off to Technoblade.
To his surprise, after he set it on the coffee table, Eret tugged at his arm. “Yeah, squirt?”
Eret didn’t speak. Seemed she was done making noise. Had she slipped further or just went non-verbal? She tugged on his arm again, far weaker than he knew she was capable of.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m here,” he hushed, sitting back in the chair as Eret seemed adamant to get him beside her. When he curled his arm around her, after much of her tugging, she snuggled up beside him, practically clinging to him. With her nestled against his side, she squeezed her bear with her other arm and plopped her pacifier back in.
“Look at you,” Phil teased. He was smiling and seemed happy enough to be here, which was a nice change after the last time they’d been impromptu babysitters. “You get a nickname yet?”
“I don’t know what you mean,” he huffed, looking away from the blond man as Eret set her head on his chest. She seemed more than content to cuddle quietly, though he didn’t want her falling asleep again. Foolish hadn’t been clear on how many naps she was allowed.
“Oh, sorry, mate,” Phil said, directing this to Ranboo. “There’s not enough room.”
Glancing over, Technoblade saw a flaw in his plan. He should’ve sat in between the two and then they could’ve both cuddled up to him, though he hadn’t initially thought Eret would even do such a thing. Now, Ranboo felt left out and was mumbling at Phil to sit beside him.
Phil shifted awkwardly. His wings tipped downwards.
“I’ll just make the couch bigger,” Technoblade declared, clicking his fingers and mustering the magic up.
“You sure, mate?” Phil blinked. “XD’ll come knocking.”
“It’s a little spell,” he shrugged. Eret shifted at the movement but seemed unbothered, blinking interestedly between them both. “It can put up with that much.”
He knocked the arm of the couch and its entire frame shuddered. Eret lifted her head up and Ranboo yelped as the cushions stretched and the couch grew in length to provide enough room for Phil. They didn’t need it that much larger so the couch wasn’t affected too much. When it was done, Phil sat down on the other side and beckoned Ranboo to relax.
Eret was watching Ranboo as he fidgeted. When he took a few moments too long, she dropped Ted in Technoblade’s lap and reached out to tap the boy’s shoulder. Ranboo jumped and turned with wide eyes.
“Eret?”
She made a shooing gesture at him and grabbed his arm, pulling him towards her. Ranboo molded for her and cozied up in the cushions, sitting comfortably beside Phil.
With her job done, Eret gave a jaw wobbling yawn and shifted. She grabbed Ted and shifted again. Technoblade curled an arm around her waist and tried to soothe her by easing her closer to him.
“Hey, squirt, what’s wrong?”
Ranboo was sipping from his cup. He offered it to her.
Eret shook her head and kicked her legs out.
“You need changed, kiddo?” Technoblade asked, hoping to stop the tantrum before it happened. Although, he wasn’t sure ‘tantrum’ was the best word to use in this case. Like before, she seemed to be upset about something and didn’t know how to react properly. Was meltdown a more apt term to use?
She huffed and squeezed her teddy to her chest.
Phil tried, “You restless, honey?”
“Oh!” Ranboo brightened. “D’you wanna go outside? I’ve got my big coat so even if its snowing we can go out!”
Eret blinked. Then, she blinked again and lifted her hands to her ears.
‘Overwhelmed?’ Phil mouthed to him.
Technoblade frowned. He didn’t know the first thing about soothing her when she was like this. Having her crying and wailing was better than mute silence, in his opinion. When she cried, it gave him a starting point.
“Y’want your juice, squirt?” He reached for the sippy and brought it over to her. She started rubbing her fingers but stopped as her expression crumpled. Eret was obviously very distressed as she pulled her knees up to smush her face against them, hiding her eyes. Her chest heaved with each breath. “Okay, not the juice.”
Setting the sippy back on the coffee table, Technoblade shared a look with Phil.
“I’ll be right back,” he stood. Eret curled a little tighter and started shaking.
Stepping outside as Phil tried a few ideas, Technoblade pulled up his contacts on his communicator. It wasn’t snowing or particularly windy so the audio would be crisp, but he still set it to ‘his ears only’ so that the kids inside wouldn’t hear everything.
The call was picked up on the second ring.
“Everything alright?” Foolish’s voice blared.
Not even a ‘hello’. Technoblade supposed he understood.
“I dunno. She’s havin’ a mini-meltdown or sumthin’?”
“Oh no,” Foolish muttered. “What’s she doing? Is she scratching?”
Scratching? “No. She’s curled up and won’t say nothin’. I think she’s gone non-verbal.”
“Shaking? Ears covered?”
This had obviously happened before. Foolish hadn’t been lying when he said she was sensitive.
“Yep.”
“Can you put me on speaker so I can talk to her?”
“Yeah, gimme a min,” he grunted and stepped back into the house. Eret was in the same position as before.
Tapping the settings of the call, he turned off the private function and put Foolish onto the speaker option. “Go ahead.”
“Hey, baby,” Foolish said. His voice alone, despite being soft and quiet, was enough to have Eret’s eyes bursting open as she sat up. She looked around furiously and dropped her hands from her ears. “You feeling okay, lovebug?”
“Daddy!” She wailed, speaking for the first time in hours. Promptly after this yelp, she burst into loud, frantic tears. “Daddy, daddy, wanna go home! Wan’ you, dahy— da!”
“Okay, lovebug, daddy’s coming.”
Technoblade stood awkwardly as Foolish cooed and reassured Eret through the call. The background noise shifted as Foolish evidently began running and a few moments later, it changed again as he warped into the nether. The totem must’ve used his giant form to get a head start or been very close to his portal because the low groaning of the nether came quicker than expected.
“You wanna tell me what made you upset, sweetheart?” Foolish murmured, tone gentler than his words.
Eret sobbed quietly. Foolish’s soothing had made her moderately calmer, but she was still crying and hugging her knees.
“Daddy,” she whined. She got no further than that, dissolving into whines and whimpers as she hiccupped.
“Shh, baby girl,” he cooed. “It’s okay, I’m nearly there.”
The background noise shifted. Technoblade was sure Eret barely noticed over her tears but the whisper of wind in the call made his ears perk. Foolish must’ve been sprinting all out.
Ranboo was sitting sadly beside Eret, unsure what to do. Phil was rubbing his back and murmuring softly in his ear.
Eret started rocking herself back and forth. Her tears were a steady stream, even as she coughed and choked on her whines. Technoblade stepped in when she started to heave, rubbing her back and making her drink some juice. He held the sippy for her as she struggled, and by the time she’d gotten a few sips, she’d stopped spluttering.
Her tears continued until Foolish appeared five minutes later. He had the door open before any of them could turn and was crouched in front of Eret in a blink.
“C’mere, my sweet girl,” he gushed, arms reaching out for her. Eret launched herself into his arms and sobbed more as he lifted her up, clutching her to his chest. Technoblade stepped over to shut the front door as Foolish took Eret in circles around the coffee table, gently bouncing her.
“I’m sorry,” the totem said to him. “I knew she was out of sorts. I should’ve put off the digging and kept her.”
“She’s tired?” Phil asked.
“Sort of,” Foolish agreed. Eret clutched his shoulders as she was bounced and slowly, her sobs dissolved to sniffles. Foolish hummed and whispered things to her as he kissed her cheeks and rubbed her back. Him being present seemed to have more effect than Technoblade or Phil’s efforts combined. “She’s just a little bit swamped, aren’t you, lovebug?”
Eret hiccupped and sagged against him. She babbled incoherently.
“Aww,” Foolish smothered her with more kisses, making her sleepily huff. “Just an itty bitty lil’ baby, huh, sweetheart?”
Foolish bounced her softly up and down before transferring to a side-to-side motion that had her breathing deeply. When it was apparent Eret was sleeping, the totem looked over to Technoblade. “Has she been up and down like that much?”
“She was fine for most the time,” Technoblade responded. “Had a moment when she slipped younger and needed her diaper changed.”
He felt guilty about her tears after seeing Steve so he kept quiet about that.
“Hm, well if she’s only cried a few times then she should be okay. Sometimes she cries so much I never seem to soothe her. The tiniest things can set her off when she’s like that.”
Oh, he felt really guilty now. Technoblade hid his grimace as Foolish swept the matter under the rug and greeted Ranboo with a high five. There was a bit of tension between him and Phil but when it became clear that Phil was in a better mood and not trying to start anything, Foolish seemed to find no issues with him.
“You should come round for more playdates,” Foolish beamed when Ranboo showed him their colourings. The totem beamed with pride as he looked down at Eret, who was completely lost to the world. He gave Ranboo another high five, who seemed over-the-moon at how playful and kind Foolish was. Technoblade supposed the totem was very different to himself.
“We should probably get going,” Foolish said as he whirled around the house, cramming everything of Eret’s into the little backpack. It looked especially small in his large hands. He got the lid of Eret’s sippy open with a few fingers and drank the juice inside without a second glance before shoving it into the backpack. Ted was shoved on top of everything with Eret’s leggings pushed in beside the bear. “Thank you so much, Techno. I’m sorry about how it went down. I promise, today’s just a bad day.”
“Don’t apologise,” he said. “If you need me to watch them again, just call.”
Foolish offered him a wane smile. “Sure, Techno. Thanks.”
When he had everything packed and the backpack zipped, he dropped the backpack into his inventory and pulled another blanket from it to curl around Eret’s shoulders. From the lingering snow in his hair, it had begun to snow quite heavily in the past few minutes.
“Safe travels, mate,” Phil piped up.
Ranboo nodded energetically. “Bye-bye, Foolish!”
Foolish grinned at Ranboo and gave a small wave, already headed for the door.
“Bye, ‘Boo. Thanks again, Techno, Phil.”
Phil seemed pleased to be included in that. Technoblade just waved him off and ushered him out. Foolish jumped out into the snow with a smile and left the door wide open. Shutting it again, Technoblade turned to watch Ranboo sip at his juice.
“Can me an’ Eret play again?” The boy asked.
“Course,” Phil patted his shoulder. “Maybe after they’ve got some sleep, yeah?”
Ranboo nodded seriously. Technoblade sat down beside them after poking the fire and picked his book back up.
The kid’s bright eyes peered at him.
Technoblade let him scooch up close.
“Yeah, Ranboo?”
“Can you read to me?”
Phil grinned at the boy’s head.
“Sure thing, kiddo.”