Chapter Text
Grian is tired, sore from all the constant building and mining and running when he thought he saw one of them. He hasn’t actually had anything to eat other than golden carrots in so long . But he’s got to finish terraforming this mountain before he takes a break.
He also hasn’t slept in a few days, if he could give you the specific time he would, but at this point he honestly doesn’t remember. He’s been kept awake from nightmares about Sam, The Watchers, them.
Grian sighs, continuing the dreadful task of terraforming, breaking and placing over and over until things look right. It’s such a bore. He shudders as the wind billows past him, carding through his hair as if it was a good friend trying to comfort him. Not that he needed comfort, he was fine on his own, honest.
After a while Grian decides that he should probably see his work from a different angle rather than head on. He looks up from the patch of moss he was planting on the hill. Another gust of wind blew past him, easily going through the small gaps in his red yarn jumper and consequently chilling him to the bone.
The view of Boatem from where he stands is absolutely breathtaking, most of it being built by Scar or Pearl. Impulse, Mumbo and himself were very busy the day the other two hermits decided it needed to be terraformed. So they just went all in and got it done. It was the sort of thing that Grian would not have been able to do.
Grian takes in his surroundings, seeing how far the drop is. Technically, he could jump from where he stood. Right over the cliff. He could jump and let himself plummet to the ground without forcing out his elytra. He wouldn’t even have a problem with instinct because his wings were bound to his back. It would be a split second thing, almost painless. Almost like going to sleep and just not waking up. Grian could put an end to his nightmares. It’s not as if the hermits would miss him, there are so many other builders on this server, they probably wouldn’t even notice one missing.
Grian takes off his elytra, dropping it on the ground behind him without a care in the world. He had to do this. He had to do this now before he chickened out and convinced himself the others needed him. He really was just a pest to the server, always causing trouble. He wouldn’t have had to do this if he wasn’t so annoying.
Inhaling slowly, Grian starts to walk closer to the edge. He doesn’t stop or change pace when he’s a few blocks away, because this is what he needs to do. This is what fate had planned to happen all along. This is how he is supposed to die.
He steps off the cliff. No elytra to hold him back or force him to glide. The wind slaps across his face, much colder and vicious than previously. But instead of feeling nervous or panicky, Grian feels content. After all, this was just another plan the universe had devised. He was just one single person out of so many, it wouldn’t matter in the grand scheme of things.
Grian’s eyes softly shut as he approaches the ground, waiting. It feels like he’s falling for such a long time. But finally, he feels the sudden impact of his body crushing into the solid dirt. Before he dies, he feels the pain of so many things in his body just breaking. He accepts it though, as this is just the way of the world, the way it was all planned out.
He notices that even though his eyes are shut, the darkness ends up becoming darker. He feels his life drain out from him, his soul being tugged into the void below with little to no mercy.
Grian fell from a high place.
Then, like almost nothing had happened, he was alive again.
Grian opened his eyes lazily, slowly sitting up in his bed. It didn’t work. Fate wasn’t ready to see him go. Of course it wasn’t, if it was then respawns wouldn’t be a thing. He sighs, disappointed. Maybe if he tries again somebody would have mercy on him and let him go…
But he knows it doesn’t work like that, he knows that ‘players’ like him don’t get paid much attention from more godlike beings. Because why would they pay attention to him when they can live forever? How would they understand the constant need to disappear forever?
He ignores the fact that he isn't a mortal, he doesn't include himself as one of the godlike beings. The Watchers just had to brand him as one of their own.
He pushes the covers of his bed away from him, climbing out of the comfortable piece of furniture and deciding to go and retrieve his stuff. If he can’t die then he might as well be protected with equipment. Though he could always leave it to despawn and die over and over until somebody, anybody , just let him stay that way.
Grian exits his house and starts walking back over to his previous death, noticing from afar that everything was gone and in its place was a little chest. Someone must’ve seen the death message and went to pick up his stuff.
He got over to the chest and opened it up, taking out his items and placing his armour back on, he’ll need to get his elytra from the top of the hill later.
Grian hears footsteps coming from behind him, he quickly closes the chest and turns around, only to realize it was Scar. He immediately smiles, thinking it’s better for Scar to think he’s happy rather than anything else. Then deciding it was also probably Scar that got his stuff before it despawned on him.
Scar waves a little, “Hey buddy. That was quite the fall you took there, I saw it while leaving the G-train and decided to retrieve your items, hopefully that was alright.”
“Yeah, thank you,” Grian replies, his voice hoarse from lack of use. He can’t remember the time he spoke last as he was terraforming for a good while.
“It’s no problem. Just helping another hermit,” Scar says, smiling, “actually, come to think of it. How did you manage that fall? From where I stood it looked like you just walked off the cliff up there,” he gestures up to where Grian was, “and you weren’t even wearing an elytra!”
“Oh! uh-,” Grian gulps, nervously running a hand through his hair, it was a habit he picked up from Impulse a long time ago, “I was going to get a better view of my work so I walked off the cliff, but I think my elytra fell off somehow and it was too late when I noticed,” Grian fibs, what Scar doesn’t know won’t hurt him. Besides, it’s not like he needs pity.
Scar eyes Grian, not believing him but choosing not to say anything, “Alrighty then. By the way, you need to stack up on deepslate again. I’ll see you around?”
“Mhm. Sure, thanks again,” Grian replies, waving as Scar walks away. He lets his smile drop, turning back around to finish grabbing his stuff. As he is doing that, Grian notices a book and quill left in there, seemingly brand new. Huh. Scar must’ve left it by accident. He pockets the items, maybe he can catch up to him and return it.
Grian looks up from the chest to look around, trying to see if Scar was still in the area. But it seems as if it’s only him around. He sighs to himself, it’s really just a book and quill, the guy probably won’t even notice it’s gone.
He sighs, breaks the chest and stands upright again. Grian almost recoils at the pain on his back from the movement, when was the last time he unbound his wings? but he just shrugs it off and starts heading up the mountain to retrieve his elytra.
Why did he even decide to drop his elytra in the first place? I mean, it wasn’t like he hadn’t ever thought of dying before, and yeah he’s definitely spent late nights considering it, but he never acted on it. It was so sudden, and he has no clue why he decided it had to be then. He hadn’t even thought about the fact that this isn’t a permadeath server. It was a stupid thing to do in the moment, and Scar witnessed it. He’s glad Scar was a little bit of an oblivious guy, as that would have caused some problems.
Eventually, almost like no time had passed, Grian stood at the top of the hill. Right where he jumped off of not long ago. As he got up to where he was, the thought of trying again just in case it worked crosses his mind. But he shook it off just as fast as it came, no point in trying if he knew he was going to fail.
He walks over and picks up his elytra from where it lays. He pulls it over his shoulders, effectively covering the subtle bumps in the sweater from his real wings. Scar could’ve seen his hidden wings earlier. After he had the fake wings on, Grian decides that it probably wasn’t a great idea to keep terraforming this mountain. He's scared that he might pull the same stunt again.
So instead he walks off the cliff, this time with his elytra to catch him as he falls, forcing him to glide to the ground. He could easily take off his wings and let himself tumble again. But before he can even consider that thought he lands back on the ground.
Now he has to figure out what to do next. He could always take a nap, but Grian decides that it would be better to be productive. The nightmares are terrifying, The Watchers find him and they take him and hurt him and he wakes up sobbing every time. An idea strikes, he’ll need ink because Scar gave him a book and quill. Come to think of it, he was pretty sure that Xisuma found a bunch of ink sacs a while back. Maybe he could hit up the admins home and buy some from him. Yeah, that’s what he’ll do.
Grian uses his rockets to boost him back in the sky again, heading in the direction of Xisuma’s base. Thankfully, the trip wasn’t that long because of how close all the hermits are this season. He was pretty sure if he was up there any longer he would’ve decided to plummet.
After Grian had a not so gracious landing on his admins base, he knocks on the door and mentally prays but he can’t do that because they’re listening hopes that Xisuma will be home. No answer. Grian was almost certain Xisuma was not there. He should’ve asked before just showing up. This is so embarrassing and he is such a idiot for not even thinking if the guy was home before he just went up and knocked.
It was selfish to think that Xisuma would just be able to come to his aid whenever. He should just leave before something goes wrong because something always does.
Just as Grian is getting caught up in his thoughts, the door opens. He snaps his eyes up, refusing to acknowledge that they are watery, and finds himself face to face with the admin.
Xisuma’s face goes from confusion to recognition to subtle worry. Grian doesn’t notice this, as he himself is trying to blink away his tears without it being so obvious.
“Hey Grian!” Xisuma says, smiling, “do you want to come inside?”
Grian only half forces his own smile, making sure it looks like it’s hitting his eyes, “if you don’t mind, then sure.” Xisuma opens the door wider, steps away and then gestures to Grian to come inside. Once Grian walks in, he hears the door get shut behind him. They found him. The Watchers found him and they’re right behind him, waiting for him to turn around so they could ridicule him for running away. For choosing the life of a player over a watcher.
But its just Xisuma. His breath picks up for a moment, and Grian has to force himself to remember that he is not there anymore. The Watchers couldn’t find him here. He has to force his breath to slow down because he was at somebody's house and if they saw him then-
“Grian?” Xisuma asks, walking over to where Grian could see him, “are you alright? You froze on the spot.”
Grian flinches as he feels Xisuma pray to him, something along the lines of having to keep his favourite builder safe. He tries to mask it though.
Oh god, Xisuma knows something is wrong. Grian flashes a grin at Xisuma and then focuses his eyes on Xisuma’s eyebrows, hoping the admin didn’t notice the lack of eye contact, “yup! I’m doing a-okay Xisuma. Actually, I was wondering if you have got any ink you’d be willing to sell? I want to do some sketching for designs in the future,” Grian says, the lie easily rolls off his tongue.
Xisuma blinks, he looks confused, but as quick as that expression shows it leaves, a smile taking its place, “I do happen to have some ink with me. Though I don’t need anything for it,” the admin walks over to a desk tucked in the corner of his living room, digging through a drawer and pulling out a metal container. He hands it over to Grian.
“Are you sure?” Grian asks, opening the container slightly and seeing it full of deep red ink. Xisuma must’ve dyed it.
“Mhm. I’ve got so much ink, Grian, so really it’s no problem at all,” He says, before going silent for a few moments, seemingly debating something in his head, “how is everything, Grian? Seriously.”
Grian pauses for a moment, how loaded of a question is that? I mean, obviously he isn’t fine. Just a little while ago he tried to quit his extended warranty on life. And he’s still on edge and thinking of trying again. Grian doesn’t want to, but it’s not like he would move out of the way if there were to be a creeper explosion behind him, or in front of him. Though he doesn’t need his admins pity. He doesn’t need to cause any issues.
So instead of answering truthfully, Grian takes the safer option, “I’m doing alright! A little bit tired from a busy day, I’ve been working a bunch on terraforming. Why? Does it seem like something is wrong?” He tries to look innocent as he asks the last question, blinking at Xisuma as if he’s confused.
“No no,” Xisuma is quick to reassure Grian, “you just seem a little… off is all. It’s probably what you mentioned, all that terraforming.”
Grian sighs mentally, glad his lying turned in his favour, “well, thanks for all this ink! I’ll be sure to use it for some prank ideas,” he says, turning around and walking towards the door.
“Weren’t you using it for building designs?” Xisuma asks, his tone unreadable.
“Oh uh,” Grian says, fumbling for an answer, “it’s going to be like a multi thing book. I’ll use it for a bunch of things. OkaybyeXisumaseeyoulater!!” He quickly rushes out the door and closes it behind him.
Grian carefully tucks his new ink in his inventory and then pulls out some rockets, flying straight back to his base. The thought of dropping his elytra on purpose crosses his mind again, but he pushes it back this time, just wanting to get home. God he was so suspicious in that interaction. Why can’t he just do something right?
He shook out of his thoughts to realize he was flying straight into the Boatem pole, and consequently, the Boatem hole. Grian thought about how it might not be such a bad thing in the end if he fell into the hole. But at the last moment Grian remembers that he would respawn. So he forces himself to swerve away, landing on the moss beside.
He quickly looks around the area, checking if anyone was here with him. but he didn’t see anything move or any name tags, so he marks it off as being the only one in boatem. He starts making his way to the starter base he made not so long ago. He takes a seat at a bench he put in front of the house.
Grian pulls out his ink, then his book and quill. Now's the time where he actually has to decide what to write. He opens up the book and stares at the blank page that faces him. Maybe he should write some prank and building ideas, but he’s already got books for those. Or maybe some redstone idea? Who is he kidding, Grian sucks at redstone. How about he just.. writes about his day? Grian cringes at this thought, but ultimately decides that it might be worth a go, it’s not like anyone is here to witness it and it gives him something to do.
He carefully uncaps the lid for the ink and dips his quill in it. Grian pushes the tip of the quill to the page, staining the paper a dark red. His handwriting had never been the best, but it’s not like anybody it going to read it.
“I did it. I did. I jumped, I stepped right off that cliff without a parachute,” Grian mutters what he is writing as the words go down on the page, the thought of hearing what he was writing out loud was comforting for some reason.
“I looked over the edge and saw the view of something I could never do,” the terraforming. Scar and Pearl managed to get it done so quickly, something he wouldn’t have been able to complete. He will never live up to any of them. Just the extra wheel on a fully functioning car.
“And no part of me knew how but the moment came and it had to be now. So I did it. I stepped right off that cliff without a parachute,” This part was just the truth, not that the rest hasn’t been.
“No promises or thoughts. Just hope that I could trust myself enough to jump,” He pauses to dip his quill in ink again, before returning to his book, “I know no peace until, I took a breath, took a step, spread my arms and let the air catch me as I did. I jumped, I stepped right off that cliff without a parachute.”
Grian could’ve sworn he heard some leaves crackling from the distance, but he wrote it off as the wind. “A breeze caressed my face. I knew right then that this could never be my place,” He sighs, albeit shocked at how truthful he is being. Of course this is his own book and all, but that doesn’t mean that he wouldn’t try to avoid the truth. The thought of his friends discovering this book crossed his mind, and he laughed quietly at the idea.
“Deep down inside I’m sure I knew that this was something I was born to do. To take off. And leave. And step right off that cliff. And fall without a parachute,” that wasn’t that hard! He just had to write about how he feels. Well then, this will be his feelings book. He closed the book and quickly scribbled a misleading title on the front, not really paying attention to what it said
“Um, hello?” A voice says from behind him.
“Oh my fucking god!” Grian flinches at the sudden noise, turning his head quickly to see Mumbo standing near behind him.
“Woah woah buddy, no need to cuss me out,” the redstoner says with a joking tone, though Grian could hear the underlying concern.
“Sorry, sorry,” Grian mutters, “uh- how much of that did you hear?”
Mumbo sighs, he walks over and takes a seat next to Grian, “all of it? I was walking over here to say hi and I thought you were drawing new building ideas so I was going to scare you. Then I heard you talking to yourself while writing. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop at all.”
Grian quickly begins to form a plan, he puts on a smile and laughs a little bit, “it’s alright Mumbolio. Because… this might have been a prank,” he lets his grin widen and hopes it reaches his eyes, “I heard you behind me so I purposely tried to be dramatic. I got you!” He laughs, but internally he grimaces at how forced and empty it sounds, Mumbo probably won’t notice though.
Mumbo’s eyebrows furrow, for a moment, but it turns into a grin, “I- uh. You got me! How did I not notice? I am such a spoon,” he puts an arm around Grian’s shoulder, “just know that I’ll get you back eventually,” he adds in quite a menacing voice.
Grian grins, “what happened to peace, love and plants? Did you get bored, Potato Man?”
“Just because I can’t kill anything doesn’t mean I can’t get revenge on people,” Mumbo smirks.
“Alright alright,” Grian laughs, “now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to head into my house and actually do some build sketches now,” He stands up, ignores the pain in his back, and gathers his book, quill and the container of ink.
Mumbo smiles, also standing up, “I’m going to head back to my house as well. If you need any company, just let me know.” Mumbo starts walking away, “goodbye, Grian!”
“Oh and Buddy?” Mumbo asks, and when Grian doesn’t reply he continues, “if you ever need anything, you know we are here for you.”
“Bye Mumbo Jumbo,” Grian shouts to the redstoner before turning around and heading inside his home.
He starts pacing the floor boards, one of them creaks every time he steps on it. How did he manage to be so stupid? Of course somebody was going to see him and drop in to say hi! Grian had been doing so well at being careful to not let other people know about how he felt. And then he had been dumb enough to write and talk about it out loud in public!? How far gone does he have to be to do that. He should just end this now before it can get any worse.
But he can’t do that, he retaliates to himself. It’s impossible to do so on a world with infinate respawns. Maybe he should head back over to Xisuma’s base, he could plead for the man to permanently kill him. But he can’t do that either, Xisuma would try to fix the problem at hand instead of giving Grian what he needs.
A knock sounds at his door. How many people is he going to have to speak to today? It feels like too many already. Grian sighs, walking over to the door. He opens it up to see Impulse standing on the other side, his hand is balled in a fist and hovering over where the door was as if he was going to knock a second time.
“Oh, hey Impulse,” Grian says, he easily slips into his persona of sorts, “what brings you here on this mighty fine day?”
Impulse grins, “Hello Grian! I created a new type of choclate bar for my Icandy shop, and I need someone to test it. I know you have a knack for sweets, so I was wondering if you would like to?”
While it is true that Grian has a liking for sweets, he really doesn’t want to do anything else today. It has been so busy and he’s talked to a bunch of people already. However, if he says no then Impulse will feel sad about it. And he probably won’t get invited to do anything else with the guy, which would be terrible. He doesn’t want to make his friend upset. What’s the worst that could happen anyway? It’s just a few sweets.
Grian smiles, and for the thousandth time today he hopes that it’s not obvious that it was forced, “I would love to! I haven’t had an Icandy bar in so long so testing the new flavour will be fun.”
“What??” Impulse gasps jokingly, “you haven’t had an Icandy bar in a long time!? Oh no no no, this won’t do. We are going to have to fix that,” and with that he grabs Grian by the arm and pulls him out of his house, Grian barely gets his door closed.
Impulse leads the man over to his factory. He pulls Grian inside and into a room filled with automated farms for baking.
“Okay, so,” Impulse claps his hands together, scurrying to find the new bar, “oh dear…” he sighs.
Grian instantly is on guard. What happened to Impulse? Did he manage to do something wrong? He calms himself, steadys his voice and, “What's up?”
“I seem to have misplaced my prototype,” Impulse mumbled, more to himself, “but I remember the recipe. Say… can you help me remake my Icandy?”
A faulty grin broadened on Grian’s face. The truth is, no. He would not like to bake with Impulse. But Grian is already roped in, and it would be out of character to refuse.
But Grian doesn’t have the energy to bake right now, much less uphold his happy self to Impulse, and what's even worse is that he is a pretty perceptive being. What would Grian do if Impulse found out?
So Grian puts on a disappointed look, “I’m sorry Imp, I promised Scar I would help him…,” oh god he just directly lied what if Impulse finds out, “I was to help him with some terraforming. Can’t go back on a promise! Ha ha.” His laugh was just as empty as the last time, but Grian is really trying to sell it to his friend.
Impulse frowned, his eyes raising as if he’s questioning Grian’s truth. Grian remains stubborn though, that same sad smile on his face. Finally, Impulse lets up, “Okay man, let me know if you need help. I’ll remake the bar, and then can I come find you at some point so you can try it?”
Grian nods, “Of course! But I really have to get going. Can’t be late for..” he paused, trying to remember his clever excuse, “terraforming! See you, Impulse.” He leaves without waiting for a goodbye.
The sun was set as Grian walked back to his house. Though he tried not to, he couldn’t help but think about his previous.. attempt. Even though he didn’t succeed in his plans, it still felt amazing. The content feeling that ran through him as he fell to his death, and the crack of his bones and the power of knowing he could do that. He needed to feel it again.
Grian turned to the mountain and without a second thought he took off with his Elytra. Another reminder that his real winds were tightly bound struck him, and Grian frowned for a moment. He wouldn’t have to think of it anymore soon. He wouldn’t have to think of anything.
He arrived at the mountain. Placing a bed around the edge. Quickly, Grian emptied all of his items into a nearby chest, his breathing going erratic. This is it. Peaceful bliss, Grian finds himself smiling at the thought. He lays in his bed for a quick moment, just to set his spawn. Then he gets up again. At this point he is fully smiling, ear to ear. It’s been so long since he has done so, he thinks absentmindedly. But it doesn’t matter, he dismisses it.
Grian walked towards the edge once more. This time however, he stop at the very end of the cliff. He took some time, deciding if he really wanted to do it. But he knew full well there was no backing out at this point. He was commited.
He stepped off, and enjoyed every moment of it. The fall, the wind, and the sudden impact. He heard his bones crack.
Grian fell from a high place.
He woke up in the bed. Aching from his previous fall. But no matter, Grian got up and jumped again.
Grian fell from a high place.
Grian fell from a high place
Again and again and again and ag
POV SWITCH - SCAR
Something was wrong with Grian. Scar could tell. He had been noticing some.. off things for a while. The way Grian’s smiles never reached his eyes, the empty laugh, the avoidance and complete isolation, he was even overworking himself more than usual.
His beliefs were basically confirmed when he watched Grian fall. Scar was just leaving the G-Train when he saw his friend, one of his two closest friends. Except it was different. Grian didn’t have his elytra on his back, and he was walking towards the edge with this.. determined look on his face.
And then he walked off. Scar panicked instantly, running to Grian’s place of death and collecting his tools. Trying to distract himself from the hard to ignore truth.
Grian just tried to commit suicide.
The conversation that followed just made him more concerned for his friend.
Scar notices Grian walking back towards him, looking groggy and confused. He goes to grab his things and doesn’t seem to notice that Scar was standing there at a loss for words. What was he supposed to do?
He was just observing the sight of his clearly troubled friend, bent over the chest, when he noticed two bulges on his back. Through the holes in Grain’s sweater he also noticed some bright colours, blues and purples, it was also shaded with blacks and greys as if to contrast. But it cut off randomly and went back to the beige of Grian’s skin, but it was a few shades lighter. Huh.
So, Scar decided to play it calm, maybe he didn’t see correctly? But a nagging thought told him that he had, and that he should be concerned. “Hey buddy,” he says, trying to figure out what to say, “that was quite the fall you took there, I saw it while leaving the G-Train and decided to retrieve your items. Hopefully that was alright.” Good starts he supposes.
Grian seems to look at him for a moment, just staring. It was as if he was trying to decide what to say as well, “Yeah, thank you,” and oh his voice was so hoarse. When was the last time the guy had spoken to someone? Scar hides his concern, but he doesn’t think that Grian would notice it either way.
“It’s no problem. Just helping another hermit,” Scar says, and he’s smiling but on the inside it is quite the opposite, “actually, come to think of it. How did you manage that fall? From where I stood it looked like you just walked off the cliff up there,” he gestures up to where Grian had stood just moments before, “and you weren’t even wearing an elytra!”
It’s very unlikely that Grian goes anywhere without an elytra. But off a cliff? Accidental deaths like that were unheard of with the guy. Scar would know, he’s had his fair share of elytra related deaths.
“Oh! uh-,” It sounds like he’s struggling just to come up with an answer. “I was going to get a better view of my work so I walked off the cliff, but I think my elytra fell off somehow and it was too late when I noticed,” and the sad part is that Scar probably would’ve been able to believe him, write it off in his head as some freak accident.
But then Grian does this tick of his, running his hand through his hair. It was specifically a nervous tick for the guy. Grian liked to think he picked it up from Impulse a long time ago, but Scar knows that it was Mumbo who gave him the habit. Grian was lying.
Scar eyes Grian, growing more concerned by the second, how long has Grian been lying to them? “Alrighty then. By the way, you need to stack up on deepslate again. Anyway, I’ll see you around?” He shouldn’t have asked that. Scar needed to make sure Grian was okay, and dismissal was not the way to do that.
“Mhm. Sure, thanks again,” Grian replied, already distracted again. He waved Scar away, and as Scar turned around, his smile dropped. He made sure to leave a book and quill for Grian in the chest, just in case he couldn’t talk to anyone about how he felt. Well, not just in case. Grian has already proved he can’t reach out about his problems.
Scar walked away, the pit in his stomach growing larger by the second.
He pulled out his messaging device, scrolling to Mumbo’s contact.
GoodtimeswithScar -> MumboJumbo
Scar: somethings wrong with Grian.
POV SWITCH - XISUMA
Something was wrong with Grian. Xisuma could tell. Though that was expected by now. This was his server, after all. He sees all of his mates as people to look after, to protect. So of course he noticed something was up.
Grian hadn’t made any plans to go mining with anyone, or go anywhere with anyone to be frank. Grian hated being alone, it was obvious to everyone. No one had been able to figure out why though.
Which is why he was both surprised and concerned when the guy showed up at his door. He had heard the knock, but it took a while to run from the basement all the way to the front door. By the time he opened it, it looked as if Grian was about to leave.
Xisuma was glad he didn’t. His eyes were blurry, like he was about to cry. He was looking to the ground, but when the door opened his head snapped up. Grian instantly started blinking away his tears.
He knew he had to play this carefully, “Hey Grian!” Xisuma said, smiling, “do you want to come inside?”
Xisuma watched as Grian struggled to smile, trying so hard not to pull the guy into a hug. “If you don’t mind, then sure,” is the reply he got. And oh god his voice sounded so broken, it cracked and faded out near the end and why didn’t Xisuma go to his struggling hermit earlier?
He carefully opens the door, inviting Grian in and shutting it behind him. Grian froze. His breathing grew erratic for a moment, he shrunk in on himself like prey hiding from its predator.
Xisuma’s eyes widened, wondering what the hell had happened to his friend. What had happened that everyone has failed to notice.
Grian is visibly shaking now. “Grian?” Xisuma asks carefully, he didn’t want to scare Grian anymore than he already was, “are you alright? You froze on the spot.” He began walking over so that he was in the guy's eye line.
Then all the sudden, like a switch was flipped, Grian stopped. He grinned at Xisuma, grinned! And he was looking at Xisuma, not in the eyes though, just above. “Yup! I’m doing a-okay Xisuma,” he was talking very fast, as if his brain couldn’t catch up to his words, “Actually, I was wondering if you got any ink you’d be willing to sell? I want to do some sketching designs in the future.”
Xisuma blinked, that couldn’t be it. They were having this whole interaction over an ink? He smiled hesitantly, “I do happen to have some ink with me. Though I don’t need anything for it,” he went to grab the ink for Grian, along with some red dye. Then he went over to his crafting table and coloured the ink, it was Grian’s favourite kind now.
“Are you sure?” Grian asked, he opened the container and inspected it. He asked the question very quietly, expecting it to be a lie. Xisuma would never lie to Grian about something so simple.
“Mhm. I’ve got so much ink, Grian, so really it’s no problem at all,” He said, before going silent for a few moments, should he really ask this? Xisuma didn’t know, but how would he figure out what was wrong with his hermit while not asking the question, “how is everything, Grian? Seriously.”
Grian paused for a moment, as if turning on his bullshit detector. It’s obvious to anyone who cares to look that he isn’t fine. Xisuma takes this moment to examine his hermit. Grian was bony, more so than before. He looked like he hadn’t eaten in days, and there were huge bags under his eyes. He hadn’t slept either.
Grian sighed, then grinned “I’m doing alright! A little bit tired from a busy day, I’ve been working a bunch on terraforming. Why? Does it seem like something is wrong?” He’s trying to get Xisuma to call his bluff. Xisuma doesn’t. He needed to find out what was up before trying to figure it out himself.
“No no,” Xisuma is quick to reassure Grian, “you just seem a little… off is all. It’s probably what you mentioned, all that terraforming.”
“Well, thanks for all this ink! I’ll be sure to use it for some prank ideas,” Grian smiles again, turns around and walks towards the door.
“Weren’t you using it for building designs?” Xisuma asked, Grian might not be organised with his chests, but he always was with his books, it was a weird thing about the guy.
“Oh uh,” Grian said, he fumbled for an answer, “it’s going to be like a multi thing book. I’ll use it for a bunch of things. OkaybyeXisumaseeyoulater!!”
Grian sprinted out the door, slammed it behind him. Moments later he heard the sound of fireworks that signalled his departure. Xisuma groaned, he gained almost nothing from that interaction.
Then, after thinking over the conversation, he realises something. Grian used his proper name throughout the whole conversation. None of that X-eye-zooma business at all.
He resorts to messages to those who live with Grian, the people of boatem.
Xisuma added Pearlescentmoon, MumboJumbo, Impulse, and GoodtimeswithScar to a private chat.
Unnamed chat
Xisuma: Has anyone noticed anything up with Grian recently? He came by my house looking worse for wear.
Pearl: I have actually! He hasn’t taken interest in anything I’ve talked to him about in the past few weeks.
Mumbo: come to think of it… i haven’t been pranked in a while.
Impulse: He hasn’t bought any of my ICandy, and he’s my #1 customer
Impulse: well he used to be
Scar: I think I watched him
Scar: uhm actually private dms X
Xisuma: Okay.
Xisuma -> GoodtimeswithScar
Scar: I think I watched him jump off a cliff
Scar: but it was definitely on purpose.
Xisuma: Oh my god.
Unnamed chat
!Pearlescentmoon has renamed the chat to: Grian Protection Squad¡
Grian Protection Squad
Xisuma: Mumbo, Pearl. Please check in on Grian. He is not alright.
Mumbo: on it
Pearl: Okie dokie
POV SWITCH - MUMBO
Something was wrong with Grian. Mumbo knew it. Obviously he knew it. Grian was his best friend since he joined Hermitcraft. They told each other everything, or so he thought.
So when he was added to a Grian protection squad he was more than thankful that other people were noticing. He had been informed about what happened to Grian via Scar, but was at a loss of what to do.
Mumbo was even more thankful when Xisuma told him and Pearl to check up on the guy. They had met up near Scar’s place, then walked around the back of Grian’s house to check up on him.
“What are we going to do?” Pearl asked as they walked, she was almost as affected by this as Mumbo, her and Grian were like siblings. Though when asked why they had seemed so close right off the bat neither chose to elaborate.
“And now let's welcome our two new members of the server, Pearlescentmoon and GeminiTay!” Xisuma said, gesturing to the two.
Mumbo watched as Grian practically snapped his neck to look up, frantically scanning the crowd. Grian made eye contact with Pearl, who also seemed to be looking around for something.
Grian teared up, his jaw dropped, “Pearl!” he practically screamed, running towards the girl.
Pearl looked over, grinning like a madman, “Grian!” she opened her arms as Grian crashed into them, embracing him in a tight hug. They stayed like that for a while, mumbling about how Pearl had been looking for so long and was about to give up and how Grian just went where he could be safe and how they missed each other so much and to never disappear like that again we were so worried.
When they broke apart everyone started asking them questions about what just happened. “It's a long story,” they said, “we will explain later.”
They never did explain.
Mumbo shrugged, “We just ask him? I don’t know Pearl,” he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.
Pearl seemed to ponder the idea for a moment, but in the end she shook her head, “No that will never work. Grian’s got more tact than that. He has been lying to us for a while, he could easily just do it again.”
By this point they had just about rounded the corner of the house, when they heard Grian mumbling to himself. Listening to what he was saying, their eyes widened and Mumbo watched Pearl pale, knowing that if he wasn’t already so pale himself he probably would've been doing the same.
“Oh my god, Mumbo,” Pearl said, her voice shaky, “Grian.. Grian tried to commit suicide.” Mumbo wrapped her in a hug, hiding his own concerns for the younger girl, “I- yeah, yeah he did. But we can help him. We will help him,” he said, determinedly.
They stayed hugging, listening, until Grian was done. This is it. They have to approach him now and talk about it. Mumbo started leading Pearl over with him.
“No. No I can’t do this now Mumbo,” she was about to cry, “he needs a rock right now. I can’t do that. He needs you,” she said, pushing him a little.
Mumbo sighed, he understood Pearl. But it was nerve racking to think of going there alone. Hesitantly, he stepped forwards, “Um, hello?”
“Oh my fucking god!” Grian flinches. Mumbo jumps a little too, not used to hearing his friend swear.
“Woah woah buddy, no need to cuss me out,” He says with a joking tone, trying to separate his worries from his tone.
“Sorry, sorry,” Grian mutters looking scared, “uh- how much of that did you hear?”
Mumbo sighs, he walks over and takes a seat next to Grian, “all of it? I was walking over here to say hi and I thought you were drawing new building ideas so I was going to scare you. Then I heard you talking to yourself while writing. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop at all.” Mumbo looks over and sees the gears turning in his head, most likely to make up a cover story for what just happened.
“It's alright Mumbolio. Because… this might have been a prank,” Grian’s grin widens, but it doesn’t look like a grin. It looks like the smile of a masked killer who was confessing to all he’s done, “I heard you behind me so I purposely tried to be dramatic. I got you!” He laughs, probably thinking he sold it pretty well.
That’s not what Mumbo sees. His eyebrows furrow, for a moment, deciding whether to call his bluff or not, but something in him just doesn’t allow him to. So his grimace turns into a grin, “I- uh. You got me! How did I not notice? I am such a spoon,” he puts an arm around Grian’s shoulder, “just know that I’ll get you back eventually,” he adds in quite a menacing voice.
Grian grins, looking relieved “what happened to peace, love and plants? Did you get bored, Potato Man?”
“Just because I can’t kill anything doesn’t mean I can’t get revenge on people,” Mumbo shoots back.
“Alright alright,” Grian laughs, “now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to head into my house and actually do some build sketches now,” He stands up, starts gathering his things
Mumbo watches Grian flinch in pain, but Grian acts like nothing happened, so Mumbo writes that off, “I’m going to head back to my house as well. If you need any company, just let me know.” Mumbo starts walking away.
“Oh and Buddy?” Mumbo asks, and when Grian doesn’t reply he continues, “if you ever need anything, you know we are here for you.”
“Bye Mumbo Jumbo,” Was all Grian said back, not even indicating he heard Mumbo. With that the door to his house closes, and quickly after the curtains shut.
At that moment Pearl walked about from the side of the house, she was crying now, “We have to do something.”
Grian Protection Squad
Mumbo: simrthinfs definityle wrog
Mumbo: sprry hyggibg pear
Xisuma: Okay. Imp you mentioned Grian loving your ICandy?
Impulse: Yes he does
Xisuma: Go invite him to try some. New flavour or something. Spend time with him, please.
Impulse: Already on it.
POV SWITCH - MUMBO
The four citizens of boatem and Xisuma were huddled together in Impulse's house, who was currently filling them in on what just happened.
“-and then he said he was helping you terraform Scar! Which obviously wasn’t true but-“
Grian fell from a high place.
Mumbo, Xisuma and Scar paled, looking at each other.
Pearl saw the exchange, putting the pieces together but needing confirmation before assuming the worst, “Guys?” she asked timidly, “What’s with the looks? He just fell.”
Scar looked at Impulse and Pearl, looking like he was ultimately dreading the next words coming out of his mouth, “earlier…” his voice faded for a moment, before he took a breath and continued, “Grian tried to commit suicide earlier today. He jumped off his mountain, I saw it happen.”
Impulse froze, and Pearl started crying again. Mumbo saw Scar instantly go over to comfort Pearl, while Xisuma made his way to Impulse.
“Well we don’t even know if this one was on purpose. He could’ve just fell,” Mumbo reasoned.
Grian fell from a high place.
and then soon after
Grian fell from a high place.
A sob echoed in Impulse’s shop. Mumbo didn’t care. He instantly ran out of the building, using rockets to fly up to the mountain. The setup scared him. There was a chest with all of Grian’s things packed in, and a bed. Most likely to set his spawn in so he could keep going.
He looked forward a little and watched Grian calmly walk off the cliff. Then a few seconds later the message came through.
Grian fell from a high place.
Knowing he had to act fast. Mumbo ran over to the bed and placed his hands on either side, making Grian unable to get up next time he respawned.
Luckily, Grian did respawn, and it pained Mumbo to think his friend wasn’t going too.
POV SWITCH - GRIAN
Grian had opened his eyes, his thoughts empty except for the goal to walk off again. But he couldn’t this time. He had opened his eyes to be staring into another's. A pang of realisation struck him. They were Mumbo’s, Mumbo came to stop his relief.
Or to encourage it, but he couldn’t see Mumbo doing that to him. Grian sighed, “Back up Mumbo,” he said, attempting to get up even though he was being, quite literally, restrained. Pain went through his back when he tried to get up, and he winced at the bondage on his wings.
Mumbo didn’t seem to notice, “You know I can’t do that Grian,” he said very quietly. When Grian looked closer he saw the guy tearing up
“Please Mumbo,” Grian tried, “I have to do this. I need this,” Mumbo was crying now. An awful feeling went through Grian’s mind because he made his friend feel so bad. But Grian dismissed it. Mumbo didn’t understand how badly Grian needed this, this release. It was all he had longed for for the longest time.
The worst part was, Mumbo seemed to falter, considering the idea for a quickest moment because his face hardened again, “No. No Grian I can’t.”
Grian winced against his will, the discomfort of being on his back, pushing against his wings, was getting to him. Unfortunately, Mumbo noticed. “Are you… hurt?”
He huffed defiantly, his sarcasm coming through to cover the truth, “Mumbo, I am not. Other than jumping off a cliff like 10 times, I am fine.”
Even more unfortunately, Mumbo knew him too well, “You’re hurt,” his eyes softened a little, “sit up. I am going to figure out what’s up whether you like it or not.” One of his hands moved to Grian’s back to help him sit up, but he paused when he felt the lump of Grian’s wings. Grian grimaced, knowing that he was caught. “What’s on your back?”
“Nothing,” Grian replied, despite his current predicament.
Sighing, Mumbo began to lift Grian’s shirt, making Grian’s heart pick up. His best friend was about to find out he had been lying to him for years. “What the hell,” he heard Mumbo mumble under his breath, “are these wings, Grian?”
Grian stayed quiet. He didn’t want to reply. Mumbo began to undo the bandages holding them together. Grian cried out in pain as they loosened and his wings began to stretch out. Then suddenly, the bandages were gone, leaving them completely exposed.
Mumbo gasped as he saw the familiar pattern, “Grian, these are,” he trailed off, not believing his eyes.
“Watcher wings, I know,” Grian grimaces at the thought, “well go on then.”
Mumbo looked at his friend, not understanding, “What do you mean?”
Grian groans, frustration beginning to brew, “Yell at me Mumbo! I lied to you for years, I tried to kill myself -which was totally selfish-, and I was a Watcher! You should hate me,” he said, his eyes tearing up.
“I would never hate you, Grian, never,” Mumbo replied softly, “I am hurt you kept all this from me. But I.. I get it. Well, I don’t, but I do at the same time, you know? Your wings are beautiful, as are you, obviously. Well- I mean it's obvious you’re beautiful- oh god,” he was going red, taking a deep breath, he ploughed on, “I will always be there for you. All of us hermits will, okay? Please, please, come to us next time. We will help you.”
Tears began rolling down Grian’s face, “Promise?” he asked quietly.
“Promise,” Mumbo replied. And he meant it. Slowly, he leaned forward and enveloped Grian into a hug, holding him as he cried. Mumbo couldn’t believe what just happened, why didn’t he notice things earlier?
However, Grian knew Mumbo just as well as Mumbo knew Grian, “It’s not your fault,” Grian mumbled, “it’s not your fault for any of this, Mumbo. I don’t blame you. Don’t blame yourself. It is not your fault.”
Mumbo sighed a little, “Promise?”
“Promise.”
Later, after Grian had fallen asleep, Mumbo carried him back to his house, then into his bedroom, then laid him in the bed. He watched Grian for a moment, then made the decision to leave while Grian slept.
He turned to walk away when Grian spoke again, it was quiet, and if the room was not dead silent Mumbo would not have heard, he wouldn’t have heard Grian say a simple word. “Stay.”
And so Mumbo did, he climbed into bed with his best friends, who needed him right now, and fell asleep. He did not notice how Grian threw his arm over Mumbo, or how his wing came around to protect him. But that was just because they were best friends.
Grian Protection Squad
Mumbo: ive got him he is safe
Mumbo: we are at my house
Mumbo: don’t come by he is pretty overwhelmed