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Wilbur sat on the park bench, strumming his guitar idly. It had been a long day at work and he was enjoying relaxing in the calm and quiet as the sun set on the horizon bathing everything in warm hues.
There was a ping from Wilbur’s pocket and he picked up his phone.
‘Me and Jason are having a wonderful time on our date!’
Uuugh. Fucken JAsoN.
Wilbur rolled his eyes and put his phone back in his pocket, continuing to strum his guitar, although it was less relaxed and more- ‘pretending you're relaxed when really you're furious’.
He played anyway, listening to the birds and the cars and the general clutter of the city. It was nice.
Then something in the air shifted, like it does before a storm.
Wilbur looked up.
There was a huge spaceship, (spaceship?) hovering in the air above Wilbur, it looked old, scratched and generally beat up. He gawked at the machinery above him.
What the-?
Suddenly a beam of light shot from the ship and Wilbur’s whole body went tingly as he lost sight of the world around him. Then the darkness parted revealing a strange room with a black textured floor and soft white walls.
Immediately there was a scrabbling noise and Wilbur’s head snapped around to find a small, raccoon-ish creature with bird arms and feet, burst into the room, anxiety evident on his inhuman face.
What the fuck?
He chirped something panicked before reverting to English, “You have no fucking idea how many rules I’m breaking right now but my human social study finals are in four hours and if I don’t get help I’m fucked.”
Wilbur stared. “What the fuck?”
The creature gave an exasperated sigh, “I'm an ‘alien’ as you all call us, and I forgot to do human social studies in preparation for my finals and you're going to help me out.”
“Uhu. Ok and. And why exactly should I?”
The creature's anxiety visibly grew, “Because that’s what a decent living organism would do! Now come on.” The creature spun on one foot and sped down a hallway
Wilbur shugged, realistically it was a Tuesday night and he had nothing better to do. Still, he could always have some fun with it too.
“Fine.” Wilbur followed the strange alien down the hallway to find a small, bedroom-like space with a large desk against the wall, two chairs were positioned in front of it and a computer-like mechanism sat on it, there was a nest-ish looking structure to one corner and a fair few shelves with assorted belongings and boxes.
The alien sat in the chair parallel to the computer, “So what’s your name human?”
Wilbur sat next to him, “Wilbur, you?”
The alien laughed, “What kind of name is Wilbur?”
“Oh fuck off! I’m sure your name is way worse!”
“Tommy is a way better name than Wilbur.”
“Ha! It’s really not.”
Tommy grumbled. “Let’s just get this done.”
Wilbur smirked, leaning back in his chair. “Shoot.”
“Ok so, human social behaviors, what are the basics of it? How’s it work? Are there social standards or is it a free for all?”
Wilbur cocked his head, “Uuh we have social standards, like, don’t go out in public naked, use your manners, don’t start random fist fights, don’t steal stuff, be nice, not that everyone follows them but you know.”
Tommy was typing furiously but he looked at Wilbur when he stopped talking, “Keep going.”
“Well, we always start conversations with ‘Hello, how are you?’ That kind of stuff, uuuuh.”
“Ok, how do you show romantic interest? Tell me about that.”
“We…” Wilbur refrained from grinning, “We punch each other to show romantic interest and when we’re in a relationship we often yell and scream to show affection.” He knew this was far from the truth but it seemed Tommy didn’t as he nodded and typed down Wilbur’s words.
They continued like that for a bit, Tommy asking questions and Wilbur answering them, (mostly accurately), until Tommy had a substantial amount of information.
As they lay back assessing what they'd done there was a strange whirring noise before a small rumble shook the spacecraft.
Tommy looked panicked, “Shit, shit, shit, Wilbur get in the nest and hide yourself. Fuck I thought they were coming home later!”
“Nah.”
Tommy whirled on Wilbur, giving him a stare that could kill, “Get in the nest, I need you to hide.”
Wilbur raised his hands and began hopping into the nest, it was small and awkward so Wilbur was having a hard time fitting his lanky form in.
There were clicking footsteps and Tommy bristled, shoving Wilbur in the nest and throwing a blanket over him.
“Hey Tommy, we’re home, do you need help-“
The voice paused and Wilbur could feel eyes burning into the back of his skull. Shit.
“Tommy?”
“Yeah Phil?”
“What’s in your nest?”
There was a long drawn out silence that made Wilbur want to cringe desperately. Yet he stayed still.
The clicking steps were back, there was a yelp and suddenly light was penetrating Wilbur’s vision. He looked up to see a humanoid face staring down at him with eyes of ice that made Wilbur’s hair stand on end. He had pale skin covered in feathers and shoulder length, blonde hair. The guy also had black feathery frills coming from the sides of his face where his ears should have been positioned. He stared at Wilbur in dumbfounded confusion.
“Who the fuck are you?”
Wilbur cocked his chin up at the bird man bristling, “I could ask you the same thing.”
The bird guy stared some more before averting his gaze to Tommy, “Tommy why, by all the void, is there a human on my ship?”
Tommy curled in on himself like a scared dog but he spoke strongly, “I needed help on my human social studies exam notes.”
“ Uhu, so, instead of asking for it, you went and got an actual human?”
Tommy nodded.
After a moment Birdman sighed, “I’m not mad at you mate, I am however, slightly confused as to how this seemed like an easier option to just going on the internet.”
Tommy shrugged, “I don’t know.”
Bird man sighed again, dropping the blanked and going over to Tommy. He pulled the young alien into a gentle hold, wrapping him up in large black wings.
There was silence.
Wilbur stood up and started walking towards the door slowly and quietly.
“Wait.” came Birdman’s voice and Wilbur cursed inwardly. “Where do you think you're going?”
Wilbur felt like a teenager who’d just got caught by his parents while sneaking out, the thought made him cringe. Turning around slowly, Wilbur put on an apathetic expression, “Home, and yourself?”
Bird guy scoffed, “How do you plan on getting home exactly?”
“The same way I got here.”
“And that would be?”
“I-”
Actually, good question Birdman. Wilbur settled with a shrug. “Don’t ask me, ask him.” He says, gesturing at Tommy.
Tommy rolls his eyes, “I beamed you up bitch.”
Ah, that made sense… he thought.
“Mhm, so, can you send me back?”
— — — — — — — — — — — — — —
Ten minutes later and Wilburs back on the park bench continuing to strum his guitar idly. He’d been taken back to earth and said goodbye to Tommy and Birdman, also known as Phil. He’d also met Techno, a piglin with a monotone voice and a fascination with mythology and warfare, he was pretty cool. Strangely, Wilbur didn’t find this situation all too weird. That somewhat confused him but that didn’t matter.