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Steve managed to get away with hiding his dirty little secret for a whole six weeks.
Six. Weeks.
It would be impressive, but in all honesty, it wasn’t exactly that hard to accomplish.
A few things worked out extremely well in Steve’s favor. Not only was Eddie wildly lazy when it came to things he didn’t want to do, but Wayne also worked double shifts pretty much every single day. Both of those things meant that a lot of the housework in the trailer got pushed to the side, in particular the things that they didn’t like doing. It wasn’t that they were slobs, but neither of them really cared as much as Steve did about doing the dishes promptly or getting the laundry done often enough that no one ever had to do a sniff test to see if something was still fresh enough to wear.
And both of them really hated cooking.
And so after he moved in, Steve naturally ended up being the one doing most of the chores in the trailer. And, most importantly, Steve was the one making most of the meals.
He got up early to make breakfast, packed all three of them lunches, and usually put something to marinate in the slow cooker so dinner would be ready and waiting by the time they were all home. Eddie was happy because he loved pretty much anything Steve did for him, Wayne was a lot less exhausted now that he just had to come home, put his feet up, and wait for Steve to tell him to come get a plate, and Steve got to keep his secret.
So he got a whole six weeks into living with the Munsons before they finally caught on that Steve would only eat when he was the one cooking.
“Okay, what gives?” Eddie demanded in the middle of dinner on the day of Armageddon, slamming his fork down with dramatic flair and giving Steve a narrow eyed look.
Steve slowly lowered his own fork, giving his boyfriend a gentle eye roll. Dramatics were a common occurrence at the Munson trailer, and Steve was very used to Eddie and his need for over the top reactions by this point.
“What is it now?” Steve asked with a put upon sigh, sharing a look with Wayne who was also bemused at Eddie’s never-ending antics during dinner. It had been weeks since Steve flinched at a hand slamming on a table or a sudden shout from behind.
Eddie was the best kind of exposure therapy.
“Why aren’t you eating?”
Fuck.
“I just had a big lunch, Eds, that’s all.” Steve lied smoothly, feigning nonchalance as he took a sip of his water and sat back in his chair. This little tactic was one of the first things he had learned growing up– if you acted like everything was perfectly normal, then people went along with you. It pretty much always worked.
“No, you didn’t. Robin called to say you left your lunch at home. It’s still sitting over there,” Eddie shot back, turning around so he could point at the paper bag sitting on the counter like it was a smoking gun.
Well, it worked when your boyfriend wasn’t an exceptionally stubborn person who was determined to get to the bottom of things.
Steve dropped his eyes to his plate, unsure of what to say. The chicken and noodles stared back at him, deceivingly unaware of the crimes they were committing.
“Leave the boy alone, Eddie,” Wayne drawled, picking his fork back up and cutting off a piece of his dinner. “He’ll get to it in his own time.”
Steve looked up briefly to shoot Wayne a grateful little smile. When he had first moved in, he was sure that Wayne would be ambivalent to his existence, at best, but the two of them had found an easy camaraderie when it came to dealing with Eddie’s moods.
Wayne gave one gruff nod the way he always did, chewing sedately and acting like the conversation was over. Hopefully it would be, and the Munsons could go back to living in blissful ignorance to Steve’s one weird secret.
He should have known better. This was Eddie they were talking about.
“No, Wayne, it’s not healthy,” Eddie snapped, scowling at his uncle before turning to his boyfriend and pinning him down with an intense look. “Why don’t you eat when Wayne or I make dinner?”
“I– “
Steve cut himself off with an anxious little hum, biting his tongue and hating the way the words were starting to back up in his throat, forming a tight ball that made it hard to breathe. The answer was honestly so incredibly ridiculous, he just needed to spit it out and get it over with.
They weren’t going to hate him. They weren’t going to make fun of him. They didn’t think he was stupid. It was Wayne and Eddie, the two people who had opened up their home and taken him in without a second thought.
And yet he was still kind of terrified, which only made him feel even more stupid than he already knew he was.
“Is it because you feel like a burden?” Eddie cut in, his eyes horrendously sympathetic and his voice disgustingly gentle as he reached over and took Steve’s hand. “Because you aren’t, darling, not even a little bit! I know that it’s hard for you, and I know that you have–”
“Eddie, Eddie,” Steve said with a soft laugh, cutting his boyfriend off before he could get himself really going down that path. If Steve didn’t stop him quick enough, they would end up stuck in this loop for the entire night.
But just that little bit of protest was enough to settle the nerves in Steve’s stomach. He interlocked their fingers and squeezed twice, their silent little marker for when they were being a hundred percent honest with each other.
“It’s not that. I love living here, and I’m really grateful that I’m here with you guys. I don’t feel like I’m intruding anymore,” Steve explained, his heart fluttering at the absolutely adoring look Eddie gave him, and the way his boyfriend brought their joined hands up to kiss Steve’s knuckles.
“Good. Told you ‘fore this is your home too,” Wayne grunted, still peacefully eating his dinner like the boys weren’t being grossly in love right in front of him.
Wayne was good like that. Never made a big deal out of anything. It was probably the thing Steve loved most about him.
“Then why no food?” Eddie pressed, clearly unable to let this go without knowing the answer.
Steve squeezed their fingers together one more before closing his eyes and taking a big deep breath. There was no going back. It was finally the moment of truth.
“I’ve never tried it before,” Steve admitted in a rush, wincing as he did.
For a full ten seconds Steve waited with bated breath for the world to fall down around him, or for Eddie to declare they were done, or for any of the other thousand terrible completely illogical things he was thinking of to happen.
Nothing. Nothing at all.
Eventually Steve opened one eye experimentally, only to see Eddie staring at him like he was from another planet.
“You’ve…you’ve never had chicken ?” Eddie asked, clearly completely flabbergasted. Steve gave a short bark of laughter, all of his nerves instantly fleeing.
“Eddie, babe, I literally made chicken for dinner on Monday,” Steve giggled, shaking his head at the completely ridiculous question. “I’ve never had ranch.”
“What?!”
Now Steve got the reaction he had been expecting. Eddie practically leaped out of his seat, making various sounds of shock and horror as he paced around their tiny kitchen, throwing his hands to and fro in wild sweeping arcs as he tried to take in this absolutely impossible information.
“ How ?” He demanded. “How did this happen to you?!”
“Well, my mom really hates it, and my dad said–” Steve began to explain, getting cut off immediately the second he mentioned his father.
“I knew there was a reason I hated your parents,” Eddie seethed, glaring down at the kitchen table like it had just personally offended him. He suddenly seemed to register what he had said because he looked up, making frantic eye contact with his boyfriend.
“You know beyond just being awful mean jerk butts,” Eddie amended. Steve bit his lip to try and hide his grin. Those weren’t the exact words he would use to describe Richard and Lydia Harrington, but they certainly did the job.
“A life without ranch,” Wayne wondered aloud, sadly shaking his head and tutting.
This revelation was apparently even important enough for him to put his fork down and take off his hat. Even dinner couldn’t withstand the force of Steve’s secret finally coming to light.
“It’s not a big deal,” Steve tried to say, only to have both of them shoot him equally severe and disappointed looks.
“Munsons are Ranch Men, Steve,” Wayne stated.
“Exactly,” Eddie agreed, putting his hands on his hips in a move that Steve normally used on the kids. It was strange being on the other side of it. He was going to comment on that, try and make a joke to get them off of this topic.
Then Eddie said something that stopped every single thought in Steve’s head.
“If you’re going to be a Munson, you have to like it. It’s a part of the Doctrine.”
A Munson.
Sure, the two of them said Steve was family all the time. They had let him come to stay without even a second thought, and Steve knew how much Eddie loved him. But there was something about the casual way he said it, and the easy way Wayne was nodding along, that made a familiar lump settle in Steve’s throat as his chest filled with beautiful golden light.
“Didn’t realize how important this condiment was to you, babes,” Steve teased, trying to ignore the very big feelings that were threatening to overwhelm him.
Eddie walked over, taking his seat again and holding both of Steve’s hands in his own. Steve stared down at their hands instead of looking at his partner, knowing that seeing Eddie’s face right now would break the very tentative hold he had on his emotions.
“Stevie…Sunshine,” Eddie began, taking a long slow breath before he continued. “If I could use ranch as lube, we would have a bottle of Hidden Valley in bed with us every night.”
“EDDIE!” Steve screeched, yanking away from him and burying his face in his hands. He didn’t know whether he wanted to die of laughter, humiliation, shock, or all three.
Nope. It was definitely all three.
“Would probably be cheaper,” Wayne pointed out, like that was a completely normal thing to say in response to an absolutely average statement to make.
“Oh my god,” Steve groaned, doing his best to spontaneously disappear through the floor of the kitchen. The big feelings were gone, replaced by a bone deep embarrassment that was never, ever, going to leave.
“We’re fixing this,” Eddie declared, completely oblivious to Steve’s reaction to his words. He smacked his hand against the table once, striding over to the fridge and pulling it open, rooting around for a few seconds before returning with his prize.
“Here. Carrots. Ranch. Try,” Eddie said, slamming down the bag of baby carrots and the bottle of dressing in front of his boyfriend.
“Eddie–”
“You love carrots, Steve!” Eddie announced, cutting Steve off before he could protest any further. He walked back to his chair, spinning it around and sitting backwards on it, big brown eyes boring holes into his beloved’s head. Steve turned to Wayne, looking for support, but Wayne was sitting back in his chair again, arms crossed as he looked pointedly at the bottle on the table.
There was no getting out of this.
With trepidation and a fairly big sigh, Steve grabbed the bag of carrots, tearing it open and grabbing a handful. He picked up the bottle, squeezing out a tiny little circle that sat ominously at the center of the plate. Steve looked at it for a second before choosing a carrot and carefully dragging it through the circle, biting the end off before he could think about it too much and slowly chewing.
Huh.
Ranch.
“Well?” Eddie asked, leaning impossibly further in.
“It’s good,” Steve replied, dipping the carrot back in before taking another bite. He even grabbed the bottle again, pouring out a little bit more for the rest of his carrots.
“Oh thank god,” Eddie sighed, placing a hand over his heart, “I really didn’t wanna break up, Stevie.”
Steve stopped short, his last carrot hovering mid air as he turned to his boyfriend.
“You would break up with me over dressing?!” Steve squawked, his mouth hanging wide open and Eddie immediately began nodding.
“Over RANCH,” Eddie clarified. “I would always love you, but that’s a deal breaker, Sunshine.”
Steve clicked his tongue, popping the carrot into his mouth before calmly pushing his chair back and standing up.
“You know what?” Steve asked rhetorically, giving Eddie a second to scramble out of his seat and begin to run before giving chase.
They raced around the trailer, Eddie cackling like the gremlin he was as he continued to narrowly avoid Steve’s grip. As they did Wayne picked his fork back up, continuing to eat his dinner without worry as the boys ran around laughing.
He wasn’t concerned. This was just another day for the Munsons.