Work Text:
The train is mostly empty at this time of the day. It’s very early in the morning and the sun is barely peaking through the skyline. Two boys sit next to each other, their luggage is idly placed next to them. A jacket covers the both of them from the cool air of the train. The boy with split hair is leaning on the ginger’s shoulder, his eyes shut as he sleeps. Both boys had gotten up early in the morning to catch the train ride back to Shibuya. They planned on surprising all their friends and family with their arrival. Having been away at college for the past 2 years, both boys missed the familiar comfort of the streets where they grew up in. They finally had the time to come back and visit.
Akito threads his fingers through Toya’s hair, it still smelled like the shampoo he used last night. His boyfriend was dropped dead tired, not at all used to waking up before the sun did. Akito himself wasn’t all that used to it either but he still did wake up earlier then his partner. Their compartment was mostly empty saved for a few other people with headphones plugged in as they slept or looked at their phones. He leaned closer towards Toya and pressed a quick kiss on top of his head. A few years ago the action might’ve embarrassed him but he’s learned to overcome most of his shyness with public displays of affection. He snuggled in, with how peaceful Toya looked he was tempted to sleep as well. They still had another hour before arrival at their destination anyways.
The trains slows down at a stop. At the same time Akito notices a slight discomfort on Toya’s face. For a second he thinks it’s the position he’s in, before Toya’s face contorts into a small frown. His eyes scrunch together even more as his lips slightly tremble. Was it a nightmare? As much as he dislikes waking Toya up he can’t stand the look of discomfort on his face. Gently he shakes Toya awake. “Toya? Are you alright?”
The boys is stuck in a room. The walls are painted gray and everything feels lifeless. All that sits in the room is a shelf full of unworthy trophies and a couple instruments. In the center of this room is a piano. He sits there on the same seat. Day after day, until the notes on the paper blend into white space, until the keys flew off, until he no longer can feel his fingers. At first it was painful. Now all that was left was emptiness, a passion now lost. A voice is ringing down on the boy. It demands for more until every note is done on the cusp of perfection. It’s all too much for him, why can’t he escape this vicious cycle? Day by day, night after night, the void grows. Until-
Toya snaps awake when he hears Akito’s voice. His partner looks at him with concern. He realizes that he’s trembling even underneath the warmth of the jacket. His heart is pounding and he feels scared. When was the last time such a nightmare had come to haunt him? Akito reaches up to hold his head towards his collarbone. He pats his head as he soothes him. “Hey it’s alright. Just a nightmare, I’m here for you.” It’s a bit embarrassing to be clinging on to Akito after waking up from a nightmare like that. It’s childish, back when he lived with his father this behavior would’ve been scolded at. But not with Akito, because he knew his partner would never judge him for anything. For that he’s forever grateful for Akito.
He calms down reasonably fast once it’s clear that his panic was just from a nightmare. Toya clears his throat and slightly pulls away from Akito. “Sorry.. it was just a bad dream. About the past I suppose.” Akito nods in complete understanding. The two were no strangers to one another’s upbringings. “Do you want to talk about it?” His voice is oh so sweet and calm, not a trace of anger or annoyance is detected. Normally brushing it off would be the optional choice, but seeing as how the two of them were just sitting around in the train he decided that there’s no point in ignoring his concern.
“You know how it is Akito with my upbringing.” Akito sighs as he reaches out to hug Toya once again. None of Toya’s friends were strangers to the strained relationship he had with his parents and especially his father. As he grew older the relationship someone improved but scars from the past never heal that easily. What he had done was something that not even a hundred apologies could make up for. “I know you love your dad regardless, but you don’t have to act as if everything is always okay. He robbed you of so much and you deserve to take that all back. To be happy and free to do what you want.”
They’ve had this conversation multiple times and every time Toya can’t help admire how much courage Akito has. To be able to do what he wants regardless of whether or not people will disapprove. Akito’s hand trails from his hair to his back, down to his arm and to his hand. Toya glances down at the ring on his ring finger. It was a promise ring. The two of them had both decided to pick a pair of rings for the other. Ultimately they both picked up on what the other was planning. They had laughed it off and bought a pair together. Toya’s ring had an orange gemstone resting on top while Akito’s had a blue one. As if reading his mind Akito grabs Toya’s hand and places it next to his. Fingers entwined the promise rings were rested right next to each other. His partner smiles encouragingly at him.
“Sometimes I just think about all that I missed out on as a kid.” He continues speaking. “Camping, sports, cooking, hanging out with friends. I missed so much and I grew up practically unaware to the world around me.” He remembers the first time he went camping with the rest of Vivid Bad Squad, he remembers how happy he was. He thinks backs to making desserts and cupcakes with Kaito and Miku. He thinks about how he almost burned down their apartment kitchen trying to make pancakes. He thinks about his first sleepover at Akito’s. All those moments happened because of Akito, and he can’t imagine a happy life without him. “I was so closed off from the world before I met you.” His throat closes up as words escape him. Akito doesn’t say anything, just patiently waits. Toya lets out a shaky exhale. “I was so mad. Not at my father, but rather at myself. For being such a terrible son to him, I had thought maybe I didn’t deserve a childhood filled with happiness.”
Akito’s face contorts in pain. “Don’t say that about yourself Toya. Never.” He’s sitting up more, a passion in his eyes. “Some people are really shitty parents and it’s not the kids fault. Take a look at my old man. He’s always going off about how we’re not good enough, especially towards Ena. Now look at her! She’s doing amazing and going to art school. Don’t blame yourself Toya please.”
Toya smiles softly as he hears Akito mention his sister. Although the ginger will never admit it, he’s very proud of how far his sister has come. “Maybe he wasn’t the best parent, or maybe I just wasn’t the right kid for him. My brothers turned out fine and his eyes I was probably just a-“ Akito clamps his hand over his mouth promptly cutting him off. He gives a warning glare silently telling him to not finish the self degrading sentence. Toya blinks and waits for Akito to pull away. He exhaled and doesn’t say anything else.
The scenery outside the train is slowly changing as the sun rises. Toya briefly admires the way the sun illuminates the trees and casts our their shadows. Soon enough the dense forest would melt away to smooth plains and eventually the city. He looks back at Akito.
“You had a pretty rough time growing up too.” Akito looks take aback. He brings his hand up to his chin and looks out the window as he avoids eye contact. Toya tilts his head, waiting for a response. “I didn’t have it that bad. At least not compare to you.”
“Still if you want to tell me about it I’m here to listen.” A blush grows in his partner’s face when he hears the statement. Akito keeps his eyes glued to the window before speaking. “I mean my dad was always a bit distant. He was really obsessed with art. Sometimes it felt as if my mom was the only one raising us. Then we grew older and he just became an asshole. I don’t want to think about him.”
It was a mutual feeling between the two. Neither wanted to think too much about their past and their childhood. Despite that Toya is a firm believer of the fact that ignoring something doesn’t make it any better. The sooner you acknowledge some the easier it will become to move on to a better future. Which is why…
He grabs Akito head and tilts it back towards him, the ginger doesn’t resist. “I’ll always regret and hate parts of my childhood. I think you will as well. But I think as long as we have each other, the future for both of us is enough to make up for the past.” He holds up their still intertwined hands. “Just like this promise we made to one day get married. I want to make a promise to make up for all that we lost and never experienced. What do you say?”
Akito looks speechless as he stares at their promise rings. Finally he chokes out. “Yeah let’s promise that.”
Toya lets out half a laugh and sob himself as they embrace. He kisses Akito and in the moment, even the salty tears are worth it.
The sun was completely out now. The gleam of the city is illuminated by the reflections of the skyscrapers. The whole city seemed to be coming to life as one more step into the future was taken. The train rushes to its next destination. The city is left behind it, and just like the two boys that had stepped off at their destination, it would too be moving forward for better or for worse into the future.