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Nick watches Boston as he sleeps, it sounds creepy. But on some nights where Nick couldn’t fall asleep, he silently observes how Boston breathes in and out. How Boston looks peaceful in his slumber, free from worries and loneliness. Everything that haunts Nick on nights like these, the darkness surrounds him and his heart.
This time, he scoots closer to embrace Boston. Feeling his warmth, something that Boston couldn’t provide him outside of sex. Like the other nights, he waits for the dawn to come as he silently let out his sobs. The more he cries, the heavier his chest feels.
That heavy feeling never left Nick.
Even on times where he feels normal, he feels like he’s has an anchor attached to his ribs, and he drags it along the ground. He thought that maybe it was some symptom of a common cold, so he dismisses.
Weirdly enough, Nick’s chest pains gets worse because of Boston, it’s always related to him. Whenever Boston kicks him out of his place after they fuck. Or whenever he sees Boston flirting with other people during parties. Or whenever Boston looks at him with a cold piercing gaze, like he’s nothing to him.
And also during the nights where Boston doesn’t call him at all. That’s where his chest hurts the most.
Then he started having a coughing fit. It started light, he would cough several times. Dismissing it as another symptom of common cold or maybe pollen allergy, something that can be relieved by medicine. Nick ignores, like how Boston does to him.
Then it was Mew’s birthday, Nick was invited. It was a small party with the people Mew’s close with. Fortunately enough, his cold/allergy didn’t attack for the whole night, so he can enjoy at least.
“Happy Birthday, Mew!” Everyone greets, along with Nick. They cheered, the party went on.
The rest got on the dance floor, but Nick decided to sit first. His chest pain starts to act up, but it was milder than the past occurrences. Nick took this as a sign not to get fucked up drunk and drank some bland juice instead.
He observes everyone, San and Ray are in their own world, they dance closely together. Top spins Mew around, they giggled. Namchuem, Yo and Boston dances together too. Boston laughs at how Yo was trying to dance in her tight skirt.
Nick snickers along, he takes another sip of his juice.
The group gathers together and jumps around to the music. Boston jumps a bit closer to Top, he places his arm on his shoulder.
And for some reason, Top danced along with Boston. Their bodies pressed together, and Nick sees how Boston’s hands linger on Top’s arm. No one seems to notice the weird tension between the two, only Nick, a current bystander.
Boston closes in, and whispers something to Top which Nick can’t clearly hear. Top smirks and winks at Boston, as if they have little secret.
Nick sees intentions behind Boston’s gaze, like he wants Top. Like he likes him. Like he adores him. Like he desires for him. It is a gaze that Boston never gave him, he does not want him after all. Only his body.
Nick felt an itch coming up his throat. His chest had an unbearable clenching feeling, Nick grasps on his shirt. He heaves, and wheezes. He felt like something was coming out of his throat, he coughs loudly.
No one seemed to hear due to the loud music, so Nick raced towards the bathroom.
He closed the door and went to one of the sinks, he coughs again. He gags and feels something at the back of his throat. He inserts his two fingers down his throat, Nick feels something and pulls it out of his mouth.
It looked like a flower bud…? Nick retched, another flower bud plopped unto the sink. Nick washes his mouth and looks at the mirror. He looked like crap.
His hair is messy, his eyes are red, his nose is runny. Nick covers his faces with his hands and cries. Boston and Top retains in his memories. Even with his eyes closed, the scene plays over and over again like a broken projector.
“Nick?” Someone knocks on the door, Nick shot up. He fixes himself up though it was futile, he looked like he had a breakdown.
A sigh or two, Nick opens the door and sports a smile. “I took a shit, sorry man.” Ray grimaces, he nods otherwise.
San looks at him, “Are you okay?” Nick nods. “Yeah, why shouldn’t I be?” San was convinced, he leaves Nick be.
He feels shitty. His chest feels full, literally. His head is spinning, even if in pure sobriety. He felt like vomiting again. He wants to faint so badly.
But when Boston drags him to the dance floor, he forgets everything. He feels free, like he could float in euphoria. His chest pain is gone, his throat is fine, and he feels happy. Only for it to come back when the party was over, and Boston was nowhere to be seen. Nick went home in heavy strides and another session of sobbing silently.
Few days passes and his condition seems to get worse, his trips to the bathroom increases by time. He is fully acquainted with the toilet by now.
Like at this moment, Nick felt like he wanted to puke, in the middle of his class. He couldn’t give a single fuck about coding, he needs the toilet again.
One wheeze. Two wheezes.
One coughs. Two coughs.
Breathe in. Brea– Gags.
Again. Breathe in. Breathe– Retches.
For fuck sake. Breathe in. Breathe– Vomits.
Nick inserts his two finger again, he felt a flimsy something at the back of his throat, he pulls it out.
It looks like a petal. It has striking yellow color, the ones Nick would see around the campus. But from where?
Nick vomited two or three petals that day, and even if it seems like he let it all out, his chest never felt empty.
His friends seems to notice his visits to the bathroom, Boston even joked that maybe he’s hooking up with guys in the bathroom. That left a slight pinch on Nick’s chest. But Nick just gave a small smile as a reply, his throat feels itchy, anytime he might let out a cough so he stays silent.
Nick still finds himself messing around with Boston the following days, even if the his chest pains worsens whenever he sees him. And when they were were making out in Boston’s bedroom like the usual, he smells a familiar scent from Boston. Something close to…
Top’s perfume.
Nick felt sick.
He feels the familiar rising of bile from his stomach, something crawling up to his mouth. He pushes Boston away, and ran to the bathroom. He made sure to lock the door, Boston can’t see him like this.
He opened the sink’s faucet and sat down next to the toilet. He gags and gasps. He hits his own chest, hoping it would help. Tears welling in his eyes, his breathes are irregular.
“Nick, what are you doing there?” Boston says from outside, Nick didn’t respond immediately. He was coughing his guts out.
“J-just wait!” Nick yells, his voice is hoarse from all the puking. A guttural cough came out, he feels something splatters onto the toilet seat. Something red. Nick squints to check, then he realizes.
Blood. Nick sees blood. Dripping down his lips, splattered around the rim of the toilet. He spewed another group of yellow petals, tainted with blood.
Another thing that Nick notices from his hazy vision, is that the petals are starting to get bigger and bigger. Attached to one another, almost looking like a flower. Nick bawls, his chest hurts, his head hurts, his throat hurts, everything is in pain.
Boston can’t seem to hear it due to the loud rush of the water from the faucet.
Nick stayed in there for a couple minutes more, his vomiting stopped but his limbs are weak. He counted another minute before he stands up, he leans on the wall lopsided, taking deep breathes of air. He flushes the toilet along with the bloodied petals.
He vigorously cleans his face and hands, leaving no traces of blood. When he looked at himself on the mirror, he frowned.
Pale lips, droopy eyes, he looks ill.
Is he going to die?
He heard of tuberculosis before, and how it affects the patients as it gets worse. They cough up blood eventually, just like Nick.
But he is sure that flower petals are not part of it. He fears it might be something more serious. Maybe he is going to die.
Nick finally comes out of the bathroom, he saw Boston sprawled on the bed, holding his phone. He had a big smile on his face, not even noticing of Nick’s presence.
Nick sits beside Boston, he looks at him. Boston finally saw him.
“What took you so long? You killed my hard-on.” Boston complains, Nick muttered a small ‘sorry’.
Boston sits up, and snakes his arms around Nick’s waist. When he was about to kiss him, Nick pans his head to the side, avoiding him.
“What’s up?” Boston asks, Nick could see through his faux concern. His heart clenches.
“I’m.. not in the mood anymore.” He says.
Boston nods. Deep down, he’s pissed.
Nick looks at him, “Can I just hug you while we sleep? Please?” He could see Boston hesitating, he begs a bit more.
Boston rolled his eyes, “Fine.” he laid down the bed as Nick went to the other side of the bed. Nick quickly places his arm over Boston’s abdomen and placed his head on his chest. Boston’s free hand, pats Nick slowly, driving him to sleep.
But Boston went to slumber first, before Nick could. Nick sobs once again, as he hugs Boston tightly. His time is short. He might be gone sooner or later, considering his condition.
Hanahaki Disease.
Abnormal growth of flowers within the chest cavity due to the patient’s case of unrequited love. It invades the lungs and the heart, and on some extreme cases, stems grow along with the flowers, and it climbs through the esophagus suffocating the patient.
Or so what the internet told him, his hands shakes as he looks for the common symptoms. Most of it fits him.
Coughing.
Chest pains.
Weakness.
Unbearable sorrow.
One thing from the article that strucks and scares Nick the most was, there’s a slim to none chances of surviving it. Nick swears he’s dying soon. He knows he is.
“You’ve been coughing a lot lately.” Ray states, everyone in the table looked at him immediately.
“And you’re really pale these days!” San supports. He sees Mew and Top looking at him with concern, Boston doesn’t. He was eyeing some freshmen guy from afar.
“The common cold’s getting the best of me these days, that’s why.” Nick humors and they seem to buy it.
He tells no one. They can’t help anyway.
“No one asked you to like me, Nick!” Boston yelled, as he shoved Nick away from him. Nick stumbled backwards and landed on his bottom, he winces in pain.
He stands up again and embraced Boston in his arms, begging him to stay. Chanting the words “I’m sorry” and “Please stay”, but none of it worked. In the end, Boston pushes him away. Leaving Nick in pieces.
By the time he gets back to his apartment, he didn’t rushed towards the bathroom, but to his room instead.
He claws on his throat, as he retches. Nick cries on the floor, as he regurgitate out bloodied yellow flower heads.
They finally bloomed as a whole. In his chest. And its gets harder to get it out, he chokes and suffocates.
Some of the flower heads has its stem attached to it, Nick wonders how far those stems goes in his body.
There’s something bittersweet about it, Nick thinks and he chuckles bitterly. His whole room smells like a garden, and the flowers looks healthy, blooming out of its maximum potential.
The flowers feeds on Nick’s misery and heartbreak, as Nick grows weaker and lonelier. A beautiful parasite that tirelessly reminds him of his unworthiness, which kills him slowly. Nick does nothing but bawls, he’s tired.
He lays down the floor, exhausted and out of it. He prays and begs for it to stop, for him to stop loving Boston. For him not to feel anything anymore. Nick weakly holds unto one of the flowers, and brings it closer to his lips. Giving it a little kiss, these are the flowers Boston gave him.
Because of his unreciprocated love for Boston, the flowers bloomed healthily. Even in brink of death, Nick smiles. He imagines Boston giving him a bouquet of these yellow flowers to him. Something that real life Boston would never do, but he can dream right? He passes out.
San comes home, the door was open. Maybe Nick forgot to close it, he went it and closed it. He places his bag on the table, and looks for Nick. “Nick? You forgot to close the door.” He speaks, no response.
San thought maybe he was in the bathroom again. He passes by Nick’s room and saw the door was ajar. But the lights weren’t on.
“Nick, why are y–“ San utters as he swung the door open, he switches the lights on. To his horror, he saw Nick passed out on the floor.
In his own pool of blood, along with an enormous amount of bloodied flowers. San screamed, he runs towards his roommate.
“Nick!” He calls, but he was unconscious. San hopes he’s not dead. He prays even. He can’t lose his friend. God, it’s too early for that.
A loud series of knocks reverberates around Boston’s room
“Boston! Open the fucking door now!” Someone yells. Boston walks towards the door in annoyance, who the fuck visits at nearly midnight?
The door swung towards him, it was Ray. He looked distress, he was panting like he just ran a marathon.
“Nick… He was rushed to the hospital!” Boston tilts his head, having no absolute sense of emergency. Ray tsks.
“Boston! He’s fucking dying!”
What.
“What the fuck are you saying?” Ray shook his head.
“Just go with me!” Boston ended up being dragged along by his friend, Ray drove to the hospital, he was going past the speed limit.
By the time they got to the hospital, they saw San sitting near the emergency room.
“San, Boston’s here. Top and Mew are on the way.” Ray exclaims, San looks up, he looks like he’s been crying.
Ray kneels in front of San, “The doctor said he has to go through an emergency surgery.” San says.
Boston seats beside San, constantly glancing at the emergency room. “He got the flower illness. I already knew it, the moment I saw him lying on his own blood with flowers beside him. It was so scary,” San rambles, his bloodied hands were trembling.
Boston has a basic knowledge about the disease. People throw up flowers until they die because of unrequited love, he heard its a rare condition to survive from.
Someone comes out of the room, everyone shot up and rushed towards the nurse.
“Who is Mr. Nick’s guardian?”
“I am his roommate. His parents are not around.” San states, the doctor nods.
“His condition is really bad. Most of the flowers has occupied his chest cavity, if you rushed him here any later than this, he would’ve been dead. There’s no other choice but to undergo through surgery. We will try our best to remove every flower from his chest, but we need to warn you, in every surgery like these, the patient loses their feelings after.” The three agreed to continue the surgery, the nurse nodded and went back inside the emergency room.
Ray offers to buy San something to drink, Boston assists San to sit down. And while waiting for Ray to come back, San faces Boston.
“I have something to give you.” San murmurs, he hands Boston one of the bloodied flowers from Nick’s room.
This looks familiar.
Wait.
These are..
“Yellow carnations.” Boston said. San looks at him.
“My favorite flower.” He continued. He saw from his peripheral how San froze. “So it’s you.” He realizes.
“You’re the one Nick loves. And he suffered because of it.”
Nick made him a garden of his favorite flower. Boston fell silent, he held unto the yellow carnation. Only that night did he pray, for Nick’s surgery to be successful.
It took two weeks for Nick to wake up, Boston has been a constant visitor in his ward for those two weeks. Was it out of guilt? Boston doesn’t know.
When Nick was still unconscious, he would regularly change the flowers in the vase. And its always yellow carnations. Unbeknownst of him, its a way of returning the favor for Nick. Its his turn to give him flowers.
Boston just got back from the hospital’s cafeteria when Nick woke up, he quickly called for a doctor to monitor him.
The doctors stated that Nick was finally allowed to be discharged within the week, since they see no conflicts after his surgery.
Boston messaged his friends to come quick so they can see Nick conscious.
“How long was I out?” Nick began.
“Almost two weeks, ever since you got your surgery.” Nick sighed.
“You don’t have to worry, I paid the bills for you, Nick” Boston continued, Nick just gave a small smile.
“Its nice to see you alive, Nick.” Nick chuckles, “I’m glad I’m alive too.” He mutters.
“How are you feeling?” Boston asks, Nick gave him a genuine grin.
“I feel good. I feel really good.” Boston nods, he sank down on the chair beside Nick’s bed.
“You almost died because of me.” Boston whispers.
Nick pats his shoulder, he looks at him in the eye, it doesn’t have any sparkle like it used to. “You don’t have to feel bad. I don’t feel anything anymore. I’m free so are you. Boston gave a small smile.
The last two phrases kept replaying inside Boston’s head, from the moment his friends interrupted them that day to the moment that Nick was discharged out of the hospital.
Nick and Boston became close friends, they both decided to put everything in the past and started again with a new slate. Nick eventually falls in love again, or so what Boston heard from San. It was some guy named Por, from the faculty of law. Por reciprocated Nick’s love, and they started dating ever since. Boston watches from afar, feeling quite unsatisfied.
Boston’s chest felt heavy. That feeling never left him since.