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She was small. Smaller than Homura remembered, although maybe it was just something else that came with the new world. After all, it had been her who had overseen its creation, held it in the palm of her hand, breathed life into it. It was only natural that everything should be on a lesser scale than her, even if, for the most part, only figuratively.
Homura did not sit up when Madoka sidled her way to the front of the class. She was leaning slightly sideways in her desk, with her weight on her elbow and her chin propped on her bent wrist. In fact, she appeared barely interested. She watched as Madoka shifted nervously in place and opened her mouth to speak. Something of a smile crept its way uneasily over her features, and she looked down at the back of the hand that had, in another life, bore her Soul Gem.
Once, a long time ago, it was her shuffling through the door, not wanting to be looked at, running what she would say through her head over and over.
It seemed appropriate that the situation would switch itself. Homura was now the one with power, sizing up the new student – deciding what she was worth. Whether she was pretty enough, confident enough, smart enough…
But Homura was only interested in one thing.
Madoka smiled shyly as she scanned the classroom. But there was nothing in her gaze other than the innocence and naïvety of a typical middle school student. It was what was pulsing around her chest that really drew Homura's attention.
Homura had expected irregularities. In such an imperfect world, marred by sin, irregularities sometimes went completely without notice. And Homura, despite the wrongness of her existence, was very good at evading suspicion.
But this wasn't an irregularity. Far from it; it was the truest thing that existed in this room of falseness and dishonesty.
It was a prayer. It was a dance of words that Madoka had forgotten.
And Homura would keep it that way.
She reached up and touched the ribbons still nestled in her hair – so out of place, but so perfect. Her earring flashed as if it had caught a stray beam of sun from the window, and Homura's smile widened.
It wouldn't be long before she would approach Madoka and give her her first tour of Mitakihara Middle School.
Once, in another life, Madoka had unknowingly set something in motion the first time she had led Homura through the hallways of the school.
Homura was more than ready to return the favour.
The bell rang, and the classroom came alive as students bustled out into the hallways to get their lunches.
Madoka stood, looking falteringly towards the door. Her mother's words echoed through her head.
"Do say hello to your teacher if you get the chance. She and I go a ways back, you know!"
She watched as Saotome rose from her desk and walked out of the room. She felt too shy to go after her, which was natural since, apart from blurry memories, she didn't know her at all. She didn't really know a lot of the people in her class either. She could always go and find where Sayaka was sitting; she'd run off earlier with some green-haired girl that Madoka didn't recognize. Or she could try to find a new group of people she'd never met. They seemed friendly enough, or at least they were curious about her.
Then a voice spoke from right behind her, causing her to jump.
"Is something wrong, Kaname Madoka?"
Madoka spun around so quickly she nearly tripped over her chair. Hastily, she stepped out of her desk and tucked the chair in, then turned to face the speaker, Homura. Homura was looking at her with a placid expression. Although her face betrayed no emotion, there was something scrutinizing in her gaze.
Madoka averted her gaze, instead choosing to look at Homura's oddly stylish earring. "N-no. I'm just unsure of what to do."
Homura tilted her head and her earring suddenly glinted. Madoka stared, transfixed. It wasn't jewelry that she would wear, but she still found it beautiful. She had wanted to ask about it during her tour earlier, but hadn't gotten around to it.
As if aware of the attention her left ear was getting, Homura reached up and draped some of her long black hair over it, concealing it – and the earring – from view. "Do you remember where your locker is? I can show you, if you'd like." Her voice was conversational, with just a trace of something else. Something Madoka recognized, but could not put a name to.
Madoka shook her head, the spell broken. "Um, that's alright. Thanks for the concern, Akemi-san–"
"Homura."
"H-Homura-chan." Madoka blushed.
Homura didn't say anything. She stood there, quietly studying Madoka.
She was searching for something. But as quickly as it had crossed her mind, Madoka dismissed the thought. That sounded so ominous. She was probably just curious.
"Homura-chan," Madoka finally said, breaking the temporary silence. "Where do you eat lunch?"
Without skipping a beat, Homura replied, "I usually eat alone."
Madoka nodded a little bit too fast. While there was something interesting about Homura, she didn't want to intrude. "I understand. I'm sorry for being so forward."
A shadow briefly passed over Homura's face that could have been remorse and she looked away, towards the hallway. The crowds were slowly thinning as students made their way to various corners of the school to find friends or finish homework. She sighed, allowing the slightest escape of air through her lips. "It's not that I… don't enjoy company. I'm just often busy. There are things that need to get done."
Of course. It made sense. She was the class representative, after all.
Homura looked away from Madoka as she said, "I am sure there are many who would be happy for your company. You should go find them. They'll think you're strange if you sit here."
Her gaze returned to Madoka for only a brief second as she gave her a light bow. Then she walked past her and exited the classroom without another word.
0-0-0
Sayaka was bouncing from foot to foot when Madoka met her at the gates after school. She'd insisted that she walk Madoka home after her first day of classes.
Madoka had stayed behind to finally introduce herself properly to Saotome as Kaname Junko's daughter. Saotome, remembering her from earlier years, was delighted to see how much she'd grown.
In other words, it had taken a while to finally be dismissed from the classroom.
"There you are!" Sayaka exclaimed, racing over to Madoka. "What were you doing? Getting notes from someone?"
Now that she'd mentioned it, Madoka did need about a week's worth of notes for most of her classes. She sighed. The first day was always the hardest."Actually, I forgot," she said. She had been thinking earlier about asking Homura, but she hadn't had the opportunity. Despite claiming that she ate alone, Homura seemed to be quite popular in the class… at least at a business level. Although she was aloof, she wasn't above helping her classmates. And anyways, Madoka didn't want to ask too much of Homura, after the latter had already given her so much help. Even if she'd offered it, Madoka didn't want to overstep the limits of her generosity.
Meanwhile, Sayaka tutted, spreading her arms. "Well, don't look at me."
At that, Madoka felt an unexpected stab of guilt. She hadn't even considered asking her friend, although Sayaka probably took usable notes too. "Do you have some I could borrow, Sayaka-chan?"
At that, Sayaka drew back and laughed awkwardly, rubbing the back of her head in a sheepish gesture. "Believe me on this… I may not be the best person to ask. You totally remember elementary school, right?"
Madoka tilted her head. "But you didn't take notes back then."
"That's the point."
Madoka gasped. "Sayaka-chan!"
"Calm down, I can get them from Hitomi. You could ask her for them too. Her handwriting's a lot neater than mine anyways. But enough about that for now." The blue-haired girl sauntered up to Madoka and looped her arm through hers, a wide grin on her face. "School's boring. I want to hear about you. Tell me about America and everything. Don't leave anything out."
0-0-0
Halfway down the street to Madoka's house, Sayaka stopped and unhooked their arms. "I think you can make it from here. Thanks for telling me about stuff. It sounds like it was awesome. And if you want to know all the latest gossip from our class, just give me the word."
"Of course." Madoka giggled. "You'll have to introduce me to Shizuki-san." Then the smile slowly melted off her face as she looked away pensively.
Sayaka's brow furrowed in concern, and she took a step towards her friend. "Madoka? What's wrong?"
"I was just wondering… I hope this doesn't sound strange, but does Homura-chan have any friends?"
Sayaka's reaction was instant. She recoiled as if she'd been physically hit and her expression became dark. "Akemi-san? Why do you want to know about her?"
Madoka was worried that she'd breached a sensitive topic. Maybe something had happened between Sayaka and Homura? She suddenly felt like she'd been gone much, much longer than she had. "I was just wondering. She… I think she's lonely."
Sayaka's shoulders were tense. "Look, Madoka… I know you have a way with people and all. But you only just met Akemi-san today. And to be honest, nobody really knows much about her. She only came this year, but her marks were high enough to let her get class representative, and she's pretty hardworking, but whatever." Sayaka seemed fixated on her hands as she spoke, avoiding Madoka's gaze. "I'm not going to choose your friends for you, okay? But there's something about Akemi-san that's just… not right. I dunno, it's just this feeling that I have. Like she just puts on this act to cover the fact that she's looking down on us. I don't think she really cares about friends is what I'm saying. Just… be careful, okay?"
"Okay," Madoka said, although she felt strangely shaken. She hadn't expected Sayaka to become as passionate as she had.
"Hey," Sayaka said. Her voice was normal again, and more gentle. She reached out and touched Madoka's arm. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…" She trailed off, as if she had known what to say, but had then changed her mind. "There are a lot of other people in our class who are more worth your time. Trust me. Like Hitomi. I'll introduce you tomorrow."
"Okay," Madoka said again. She was still curious about Homura. There had to be a mistake in Sayaka's judgement. Maybe Homura just didn't know how to make friends.
Sayaka dropped her hand and let it swing by her side. She was staring almost forcefully off to one side, chewing her lip. She didn't say anything.
Madoka remembered when they couldn't stop talking when together. But somehow, this conversation had dwindled, and she couldn't think of what to say.
"Sayaka-chan," she burst out. The silence between her and Sayaka felt oppressive for some reason. "Do you want to come over? I'm sure my parents want to thank you for the cakes you brought last weekend."
"I can't." Sayaka still wouldn't make eye contact. "I'm… busy. But tell your parents it was our pleasure."
Madoka nodded, even though Sayaka couldn't see her. She wished Sayaka would talk to her if something was wrong. She felt like a gap had opened between them, although she tried to convince herself that it was only a result of the time they'd spent apart. Soon, everything would settle back into a regular pace.
Still, there was something that was clearly different about Sayaka. If she was patient, maybe Sayaka would tell her about it."Thank you for walking with me, Sayaka-chan," she said, slightly hesitantly. "I'm so happy to see you again."
At that, Sayaka's head came up at last and she gave Madoka a smile that was only a little bit wobbly at the corners. "I'm happy to see you too. I'll see you tomorrow."
Madoka waved as she walked away.
0-0-0
The hair ribbons slipped easily out of their bows and pooled into Madoka's hands. She held them up and stared at them. Something was…
That shade of red seemed so nostalgic. It gave her the odd feeling of wistfulness, like the memory of a barely missed opportunity.
But it was unlikely that there was any real memory attached to the ribbons.
After all, they had been a present from her mother to celebrate her first day of school.
0-0-0
Madoka's bento box bumped against her leg as she ascended the stairs. The school was much bigger than it appeared from the outside, and she was still having some difficulties finding her way around, even after a week of attendance. She hadn't wanted to bother anyone for directions, but she was beginning to wonder if she should. Normally it wasn't needed, as Sayaka would be the one guiding her. But today, Sayaka hadn't shown up to school. And Hitomi hadn't been in the usual place. In a situation like this, Sayaka had told her about two other places Hitomi would normally be, but after a couple days, Madoka had completely forgotten the instructions.
Madoka sighed as she reached the end of another unfamiliar, and yet familiar, hallway. All the hallways looked the same, after all. Maybe she was going in circles, somehow.
"Hey. You lost?"
At the unfamiliar voice, Madoka involuntarily jumped. She'd thought the hallway was empty when she'd walked down it.
Turning, she spotted a girl leaning against one of the glass walls, watching Madoka with an almost curious expression. In one hand, she held not a bento box, but a box of pocky. The other was fiddling with her skirt, as if it made her uncomfortable. What really drew Madoka's gaze, however, was her long, thick red hair that was messily tied with a satin black bow.Madoka gave a small bow to the newcomer before replying. "A-a little. I'm… sort of new here, so this is all confusing."
"Tell me about it," the other girl said, snorting. She pushed off the wall and wandered lazily in Madoka's direction. "I'm not too new, but this place is like a freaking maze." Reaching Madoka's position, she offered Madoka the pocky box she was holding. "Sakura Kyouko. And you are?"
"Kaname Madoka. It's nice to meet you." Madoka tilted her head at Kyouko's odd introduction, but somehow, it didn't surprise her. Daintily, she reached forward and took a stick of pocky, but didn't eat it.
Kyouko eyed her. "I think I know you. You're always with that Sayaka girl, aren't ya?"
"Yes." Madoka didn't ask her how she'd noticed that. Kyouko didn't look familiar to her, but she might be a particularly observant student from an adjoining classroom.
Kyouko grinned then, and Madoka was startled to see that her canines were a lot more pointed than normal, almost resembling fangs. "Then it's nice to meet you. We have a bit of a history, y'know."
Madoka didn't reply. She knew it was probably stupid, but she felt a rush of hurt. Sayaka hadn't told Madoka about Kyouko. Even if Kyouko was from a different class, Madoka had hoped that Sayaka's friends could be her friends, like the way it had been before. But she didn't want to believe it had been on purpose. Sayaka had just probably forgotten to mention her in the excitement of seeing Madoka again. Or maybe Kyouko was simply an acquaintance who Sayaka hadn't found to be worth mentioning yet.
"C'mon," Kyouko continued. "I'll show you back to your class. It may not be where you wanna go, but it's a good place to start if you're looking for friends. And at least I know my way there."
Madoka bowed again in sheer gratefulness. She had been beginning to worry that she wouldn't be able to find her way back in time for class. "Thank you very much, Sakura-san."
"Eh? Just call me Kyouko; formalities ain't my thing," Kyoko said, waving a hand dismissively. She turned and began to walk back towards the staircase, only slowing her step to add, "And quit bowing. So far, you're worse than Sayaka."
Unable to figure out what she should make of that, Madoka didn't reply, but simply fell into step behind her, taking a bite of the pocky.
0-0-0
When they arrived back at the classroom, Madoka was surprised to see Sayaka standing by Saotome's empty desk."Sayaka-chan!" she exclaimed, rushing forward to greet her friend. "I thought you weren't coming today!"
"I wasn't," Sayaka said sourly. "But my parents got a call." Before Madoka could process the statement, however, she looked beyond her, to where Kyouko was standing in the doorway, and frowned. "What are you doing?"
"What does it look like?" Kyouko replied. While her voice wasn't unfriendly, it was definitely guarded. "Someone has to look out for your friend after you ditch her."
"Madoka," Sayaka said, ignoring Kyouko's comment. "Where's Hitomi and everyone?"
"Um," Madoka stammered. An uncomfortable feeling had arisen in the room. Not exactly tension, but something like it. "I couldn't find her. But Kyouko-chan offered to help me, and that was really nice of her. She said she knows you."
Sayaka didn't reply. She reached up and began to rub her temple with her forefinger, letting out a faint sigh. Madoka noticed for the first time how pale her face was.
Madoka leaned forward worriedly. "Sayaka-chan, if you're not feeling well, you should go see the nurse."
"I'm fine." Instantly, Sayaka's hand dropped to her side and she straightened up, taking a deep breath. "Really." And just like that, she seemed to go back to normal, some colour returning to her cheeks. "It's nice that you could meet Kyouko. She's in our class, actually, but it's not surprising that you haven't seen her around. We just worked on some project once. Hitomi's probably in the cafeteria today, by the way."
Feeling slightly guilty that they were referring to Kyouko when she was standing right there, Madoka took a look over her shoulder, but Kyouko was gone. Then she spotted her shadow just outside the classroom walls. She hadn't heard her leave. Still, despite the odd exchange earlier, Madoka was curious about her. After all, Sayaka didn't just work with anyone. Maybe this Kyouko person really was a friend of sorts.
"Sayaka-chan, why don't we all go to the cafeteria to find Hitomi-chan?" she suggested hopefully. "Kyouko-chan was all alone when I met her, so maybe that would be nice."
Sayaka, however, didn't look enthusiastic. "Can't. I gotta wait here for Saotome-sensei." She paused for a few seconds. "Kyouko can show you there. I'll catch up with you later."
Madoka tried not to let her disappointment show. "Okay. See you in class."
"See you." Then, just as Madoka got the door, Sayaka added quickly, "Don't offer to buy her anything, okay?"
0-0-0
Madoka exited the doors of the school, hastily stuffing her books in her bag. Once again, she was late to her meeting place with Sayaka. Three times Sayaka had offered to walk her home, and she was late twice now. She decided to think of a way to make it up to her.
She froze in her tracks when she realized Sayaka wasn't alone at the gate. Kyouko was there too, eating crackers out of a bag. Madoka couldn't see either of their faces clearly, but she could tell they were discussing something on a more serious note.
Awkwardly, Madoka meandered through the crowd, trying to take the most indirect route to the gate as possible.
But she couldn't go undetected for long. Eventually, Sayaka spotted her.
"Hey!" she called, waving. "Nice of you to show up."
As Madoka approached, she took a quick survey of the situation. Sayaka appeared normal enough, but something about the smile on her face seemed forced. A glance at Kyouko also served to further trouble her. She was leaning against the gate, shoulders hunched almost defensively, and half her face cast in shadow. A frown was flickering around her lips. Even though Madoka hadn't known Kyouko for very long, there was still something very unnatural about it.
"Hi," Madoka said, breaking her gaze from Kyouko and moving it back to Sayaka. "Am I interrupting?"
"Not at all," Sayaka said pleasantly. "Kyouko was just leaving."
"I can excuse myself," Kyouko cut in. Her voice was irritable, bordering on frustration. "I guess this conversation is over?"
Sayaka didn't look at her. "Yeah."
Kyouko straightened and dipped her hands towards her skirt in an action that suggested she expected there to be pockets present. When she found none, she scowled, snorted, and then spat on the ground. The action was so sudden that Madoka jumped a pace backwards.
"Fine," Kyouko said. "Don't expect any more favours."
"I wasn't," Sayaka said crisply. "Goodbye, Kyouko."
Kyouko didn't answer. She trudged forwards, cutting between Sayaka and Madoka without acknowledging either, and disappeared through the gate.Madoka opened her mouth to speak, but then closed it again. She wasn't sure of what to say, or if she should even say something at all. She felt like she had just intruded on something, despite Sayaka's assurance.
Once, she would have instantly jumped on the chance to ask Sayaka for details on her life, just as Sayaka would have done with her.
Now, she simply let the silence hang over them as they departed for her street.
0-0-0
Madoka had never noticed Kyouko before, but she did notice when Kyouko no longer turned up at school. She didn't dare breach the topic with Sayaka. After that day at the gate, Sayaka hadn't spoken a word about Kyouko or offered any other hints about what had happened.
Even though Madoka knew she probably shouldn't waste so much time worrying about someone she'd just met, she couldn't help but wonder what had happened to Kyouko.
0-0-0
Madoka dipped the cloth into soapy water and then drew it across the blackboard, leaving a dark green trail behind. She'd been assigned to cleaning duty that day, alongside Nakazawa. Although that day had made the choice slightly more difficult for Saotome, she'd still given Nakazawa the easier task of sweeping the floors, while Madoka was cleaning the board. She didn't mind too much, though. Sayaka had offered to wait for her, but Madoka had declined. She felt like just taking her time and thinking.
Nakazawa had left quite a while ago, leaving Madoka alone in the room. Saotome had left as well to the office, stating that she trusted the pair to make a good judgement on their work.
Madoka had finally reached the bottom of the board and stood back to examine her work, wiping her hands on her skirt. That would probably do.
Lifting the bucket of water, she began the trek to the bathrooms to empty it and wash the rag. She decided to take the scenic route by the windows that looked out onto the giant field behind the school. Something about the sakura petals drifting in the breeze helped to ease her worries. The field was almost completely empty, with just a few stray groups here and there. Then Madoka's gaze wondered over to a particularly tall and blooming sakura tree and her eyes widened.
Sayaka was there. And she wasn't alone. In one of the branches of the tree, dressed in civilian attire, sat Kyouko, one leg dangling. She was busily eating an apple, although from the angle she was sitting at, and that Sayaka was facing, Madoka couldn't see either of their faces.There was someone else there too, and Madoka didn't recognize her. She had her back turned to the window and her arms were crossed. Her blonde hair was done up in an odd style, with pigtails on either side of her head. They were so curly that they almost resembled drills.
Madoka didn't realize she had quickened her step, but now she really did want to hurry.
She was so fixated on the strange trio outside the window that she almost forgot where she was. When she detected the presence of someone walking past her, she started so violently that soapy water sloshed over the sides of the bucket, splashing herself and the other person.
With a squeak of embarrassment and alarm, Madoka tore her gaze from the window, careful not to jostle the bucket any further.
Across from her stood Homura. Darker circles on her black tights indicated where the water droplets had landed and apart from that, she looked slightly surprised herself.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" Madoka apologized, her voice still higher pitched than normal. Her face felt very warm.
In the blink of an eye, Homura collected herself. She didn't even move her hands towards the areas she'd been splashed. "There's no need to apologize. It wasn't your fault."
It was her fault, but Madoka decided not to protest. It occurred to her that she had not spoken one on one with Homura since her first day of school. It hadn't been like she'd actively avoided her black-haired classmate, but there also hadn't really been any opportunities to interact with her, apart from in-class schoolwork.
"Wh-what are you still doing here, Homura-chan?" she inquired as politely as she could. Sayaka's warning resounded faintly in her head, but she pushed it to the side.
"I was in study hall," Homura said dismissively. "Do you need help, Madoka?"
"Oh!" Madoka felt her already warm face increase in temperature. "I-I wouldn't want you to trouble yourself, especially after–"
"It is no trouble." Before Madoka could react, Homura reached out and took the bucket from her. She took a brief glance inside, and her brow furrowed. "Did you forget to bring the cloth?"
"Huh?" Madoka scurried up to Homura to peer into the bucket herself. And sure enough, the rag was absent. "I must have forgotten. I-I'll go get it."
"Do you want me to come with you?"
At the sound of Homura's voice from just above her, Madoka suddenly became very aware of how close they were standing and she stepped a few paces back, averting her gaze. She wished the flush in her cheeks would subside. "N-no. That's fine."
"I'll wait here, then." Homura didn't appear at all flustered by Madoka's behaviour. If anything, she seemed concerned.
Madoka hoped she didn't think she was crazy.
"Okay," she managed. "Thank you, Homura-chan. And sorry again." Then she turned and took off running down the hallway, not even worried about being reprimanded for it. Casting a quick backwards glance over her shoulder, she saw that Homura had moved closer to the window as if to look out.
When she returned a few minutes later with the dirty rag, Homura was still there, although her attention was not on the window. She gave the lightest of smiles at the sight of Madoka. "Shall we go?"
"Yes. Sorry," Madoka said again.
When Homura turned away, the bucket swinging at her side, Madoka took a quick glance out the window. Sayaka and the unfamiliar blonde girl were still standing beneath the tree. But Kyouko was nowhere to be seen.
0-0-0
After the bucket incident, Madoka became determined to try and befriend Homura. She still remembered what Sayaka had told her, but she really didn't think there was anything bad about her. She was a lot less outgoing than others and a little bit mysterious. And her social skills were slightly lacking. But Madoka still saw something more. Maybe all Homura needed was for someone to reach out to her.
Still, trying to get close to Homura was a lot easier said than done.
Anytime she was invited anywhere by anyone, she would politely decline, citing schoolwork as the reason. But it was possible to balance schoolwork and social activities; Madoka would know. Maybe there was a personal reason why she kept herself secluded.
But she had to be doing something. Madoka had never noticed the dark circles under Homura's eyes before. As the month wore on, on some days, when Madoka, Sayaka, and Hitomi ate lunch on the roof, Madoka would spot the figure of Homura leaving the school, and then she would be mysteriously absent for afternoon classes.
She didn't discuss her observations about Homura with anyone. After all, it was likely they wouldn't have much of a better idea about what was going on.Gradually, Madoka's plan of getting to know Homura began to dwindle until it was nothing more than a tugging sensation at the back of her mind. She busied herself with her own social life, greeted Homura now and then when she saw her in the hallways, and told herself she wasn't in a position to fret so much over her.
She did make other friends, though. She and Sayaka still talked frequently enough either at lunch or through texts, but Madoka could no longer deny that they had both changed and, consequently, so had their relationship. Sayaka did not mention the blonde or her connection to her, nor did she talk about why Kyouko had been on the school grounds. Instead, they talked about trivial things or simply focused the conversation on schoolwork or Hitomi. But it felt obvious to Madoka that Sayaka was holding something from her, and that started to sting.
As a result, lunch periods began to feel slightly awkward to Madoka, as they began to run out of things to discuss. She found herself eating lunch with others more often, which Sayaka seemed to be okay with. Their conversations were still trivial, but it was the kind of trivial that Madoka didn't mind. It helped to ease her worries and take her mind off of other things, rather than serve as a clear coverup.
Occasionally, Madoka would see Sayaka talking with the blonde, who she'd learned was in the year ahead of them. She never knew if Sayaka spotted her looking, but if she did, she never called her over or introduced her.
Even though the distance between her and Sayaka hurt, Madoka tried to enjoy herself while at school. As long as she and Sayaka could still talk without tension, then she could accept that they were still friends. Just not like before.
0-0-0
As the month drew to an end, Saotome announced the term projects. They could be done in partners, and each group had to write a paper and do a presentation on the German play, Faust, which they had been recently covering in class. She gave the class five minutes to either start preparing or to find a partner, and instantly, most of the students surged to their feet and huddled in groups to decide who to work with.
Madoka remained seated, but began to think of potential partners. She understood the play only minimally, especially with its difficult-to-understand language and strange plot, so doing the project alone seemed daunting.
Of course, she thought of Sayaka, but then she would probably have to do more than her fair share of work or put in a completely different type of work to motivate her. But not doing it with Sayaka and leaving her without a partner wouldn't feel right.
She stood up to find Sayaka, who sat in the row behind her, but a flash caught the corner of her eye. She looked and saw that it was only Homura's earring that had been the source of the light. It was uncovered that day, or at least from Madoka's vantage point. Homura hadn't moved, and was one of the few students still seated at her desk, her notebook open in front of her as she began to take notes.
Madoka looked to the back of the class. Sayaka was part of a circle of girls, all of whom were gesturing at each other, some of them having light arguments. She could join them.
Instead, she turned and walked to the front of the classroom. There was an opportunity, and although chances were slim of it actually working, she could still try.
"Homura-chan," she said, reaching the black-haired girl's desk.
Homura didn't even jump, but her pen did pause mid-sentence. "Madoka," she said, putting it down and turning to face her. "What do you need?"
Madoka suddenly felt very shy.
"I-I was just wondering if you're working alone," she stammered.
Homura went still. She didn't blink. She didn't even breathe. She just sat, holding her pen with frozen fingers.
The seconds ticked by.
Nervously, Madoka leaned forward. "Homura-chan?"
Then Homura spoke. But Madoka felt a strange chill because nothing moved, save for her mouth. "You did it. You asked." The words were spoken in such a low volume that only someone in Madoka's position would have heard them.
At first, Madoka didn't understand, but then she felt a rush of sympathy for Homura. Was it because she wasn't used to being asked to work with someone? Had no one ever approached her like this?
"I just thought this project would be better to do with a partner, and I was wondering if we…" Madoka trailed off uncertainly. Did she sound stupid? She'd already made it obvious what she was asking after all. "Do you want to be my partner, Homura-chan?"
It took her a long time to answer, and Madoka began to fidget, worried that she would be turned down. The group in the back had probably already decided on partners at that point, so if Homura declined the offer, Madoka would most likely have to work alone. But she wouldn't use that to pressure Homura. If Homura wanted to accept, then she could. It was her choice.
At last, Homura moved again. She shifted in her seat and then turned her head to the front.Madoka straightened, feeling crestfallen that her attempt to reach out had failed again.
Then she started as a piece of paper was thrust in front of her face. It was the sheet Saotome had handed out earlier with the project instructions. Madoka blinked in confusion and glanced around it at Homura.
The raven-haired girl was holding it up patiently, looking expectantly at her. "Look at that," she said. Any trace of the detachedness Madoka had seen a few seconds ago had vanished, replaced by a business-like demeanour. "And decide what you want to start working on first."
Was this Homura's way of accepting? Madoka nearly laughed with relief and happiness. Finally, Homura wasn't just coldly rejecting her. She took the piece of paper, letting a grin widen on her face. Homura, however, had turned back to her notebook and didn't notice.
As Madoka turned to get materials from her desk, she spotted Sayaka sitting with one of their classmates at far end of the classroom. Their eyes met, and Sayaka narrowed hers, the rest of her face scrunching in displeasure. She mouthed something, but Madoka couldn't make out the words. She simply shrugged, hoping that Sayaka wouldn't take her choice of partner to heart.
Still, she felt Sayaka's gaze track her as she retrieved her pencil case and chair and went to sit by Homura.
0-0-0
Homura was resistant to working at either of their homes, especially her own, so they settled on working on the project after school in the library. The library at Mitakihara Middle School was almost its own floor it was so huge, and Madoka had barely been in it before. Unsurprisingly, Homura seemed to know everything about it, including the exact sections they could find the right information. She also knew of the corners that nobody visited and these were where they would sit to work.
At first, it was strange to work with Homura because she spoke so little, except on subjects regarding their project. Madoka didn't know what they could talk about otherwise, but she was just content that Homura was tolerating her company at all, and rather well at that.
At random intervals, Madoka would sneak glances upwards, for no other reason than to try and see Homura's face as she worked. Sometimes, especially with Sayaka, Madoka had found that people didn't control their expression as much while concentrating. Perhaps she just hoped to see something which she could use to help her interpret her mysterious classmate. But Homura gave her nothing to go on. She didn't even look like she was focusing very hard. Her face remained relaxed, with the only indicator that she was thinking being the occasional narrowing of her brows.
But it didn't stop Madoka from looking.
0-0-0
Madoka became aware she was staring again and quickly brought her gaze down to her notebook. Her hands were trembling strangely. When she looked up again, she found herself face-to-face with Homura, those violet eyes level with her own. It was the first time Homura had acknowledged her looking, and they had been working diligently after school in the library for almost a week.
"Do you need something?" Homura asked, the picture of calm and patience. There was nothing to signify if she was annoyed at being stared at, or even flattered.
Madoka didn't know how to reply, except to apologize. But something tugged at her from deep within – a realization she had developed over the past week of another reason why she couldn't stop peeking at Homura out of the corner of her eye. The porcelain face, the black hair, the intense gaze… It all seemed so familiar.
"Have we met before?" Madoka blurted out before she could stop herself.
Homura didn't reply, just continued to survey Madoka with a poised expression. And, like always, Madoka felt like she was being searched.
As the silence extended, she dimly became aware of a buzzing between her ears and a tingling in her fingertips. Homura was staring so intently that it was almost like she was looking right through her – like she didn't exist. Madoka licked her lips nervously. The sun was shining from behind Homura, illuminating her head. It reminded Madoka of a halo, or at least, it made the shadows of Homura's face a lot more defined. Was it just her, or did one of them move without Homura having turned her head? Probably just a trick of the light. The sun shone particularly brightly on Homura's exposed crown-shaped earring, catching the amethyst surface in various angles. She suddenly had the strangest urge to reach out and touch it. There was something about it… that gave her a sense of purpose.
Then a hand came down gently, but firmly on her shoulder and Homura's voice rang out clearly. "Kaname Madoka. Are you feeling alright?"
Madoka jumped and blinked several times. The sun had sunk, illuminating the library with a gentle golden glow. Homura's earring was once again hidden behind a curtain of hair. Had she just been imagining things? "I–I…"
"I think we've done enough for today." Homura didn't remove her hand, but when Madoka met her eyes, they were a lot less probing. "You've been working very hard, Madoka."
Madoka felt numb. The tingling from her fingers had spread, and she had the strangest urge to shiver. "Homura-chan…"
"You shouldn't let this project get the better of you," Homura continued. Her voice had a comforting lilt to it. "If you're tired, please let me know."
"I…" Madoka grimaced as she reached for her temple. Homura's grip on her shoulder tightened ever so slightly. "I'm not feeling so well…"
"Can you stand?" Homura asked. There was a hint of concern layered into the regular smoothness of her voice. "I'll take you to the nurse's office."
"Thank you," Madoka said. She suddenly felt very tired. She had been working pretty hard on the project – maybe more so than she'd realized.
But she couldn't shake the feeling that she just knew Homura from somewhere. It would explain a lot, at least.
0-0-0
Homura walked out of the nurse's office holding a couple of pills. As she approached Madoka, she blinked blearily. She was sitting on one of the white benches outside the office, trying not to look towards the window where the last rays of the setting sun were flashing on the glass.
"They're painkillers," Homura said as she handed the pills to Madoka.
Madoka took them gratefully, swallowing one after the other while Homura waited patiently.
After a few minutes, her dizziness began to subside, and she could think a little more clearly. She felt slightly embarrassed for having been caught by Homura while staring, and hoped she hadn't made any assumptions about it. But there was something more urgent pressing on her mind.
"Homura-chan."
When she spoke, Homura's head came up and then went to the side in an inquiring way.
Madoka bit her lip, but decided to just say it. "About earlier… You never answered my question. Or did I ask it? I'm sorry, I was a little lightheaded."
"There's no need to apologize," Homura said right away.
Madoka could see her thinking, debating on whether or not to say something more.
It was a while before she finally came to a decision.
"Do you feel that you know me?" she asked.
Madoka pursed her lips. "I feel like you're familiar. But I don't know why." She tried to bring up a memory from the past, anything that might give her a clue. But there was nothing.
Homura nodded slowly, neither rebuffing or accepting the statement.
Madoka closed her eyes, feeling her face heat up. "I know it sounds crazy, but–"
"Not at all," Homura interrupted. "It's perfectly fine to think that…" Her eyes narrowed. "But I'm afraid my answer is no."
"Huh?" Madoka reopened her eyes and tilted her head.
"If we had met before, I would remember you," Homura said simply. "I wouldn't forget something like that."
"What? Why?" Madoka was slightly surprised by the statement, especially the complete seriousness of Homura's tone – she almost seemed grave. "What's so special about me?" Instantly, she regretted saying it like that. "I-I didn't mean it like that. I just don't think I'm very memorable, that's all."
"Don't say that," Homura said. There was a sharp edge to her tone that startled Madoka. Then, she inhaled slowly and deliberately. But her next words were still as intense. "The kind of person who would forget you is someone who doesn't deserve to be by your side."
Coming from anyone else, Madoka might have laughed, especially if they'd said it with such a straight face. But coming from Homura, she wasn't sure how to react. Should she feel honoured? It felt like she should, but at the same time, Homura's gaze was so piercing that she wasn't even sure if it had been a compliment.
After Madoka didn't reply, Homura took another breath. But this time, when she let it out, she seemed to relax and reverted back to her normal collected self.
"Please consider taking a day or two break from this assignment," she said. "I can continue working on it, and I'll let you know if I come across something important in my research."
"But Homura-chan, I wouldn't want you to tire yourself out," Madoka protested. It would be yet another debt she owed the black-haired girl and, while she didn't mind getting the chance to repay her, she would feel guilty to leave Homura with the work. She didn't want to be that kind of partner.
With one hand, Homura swept her long hair back in a gesture that could be a sign of dismissal or maybe just a habit. "Don't worry about me. I don't want you to get sick for my sake."
"I…"
"Leave it to me." There was something firm in Homura's tone. A sense of finality.
Madoka got the strangest feeling that she should just let things be.
So she nodded once.
"Thank you so much, Homura-chan. I'll try to make it up to you."
0-0-0
The next day, Madoka woke with a fever and was unable to get out of bed for the pounding in her head. Her father firmly announced her bedridden and went to call the school, while her mother fretted over her in the few minutes before she left for work.
Madoka slipped in and out of dreams. In her feverish state, the dreams seemed to repeat themselves, but when she woke, she couldn't remember any of them.
There was one image that stayed firmly ingrained in her mind each time it occurred for a few minutes after waking up before fading as she fell back into her fitful sleep.
It was a large crow. But instead of having black eyes, its eyes were purple.
0-0-0
Madoka returned to school three days later with a cough and a runny nose, but otherwise in good condition.
It wasn't until after the initial crowd of concerned classmates thinned out that Madoka realized something was awry.
Homura's desk was empty.
0-0-0
Contrary to her peers, Sayaka wasn't nearly as inquiring about Madoka's return. Then again, Sayaka wasn't speaking to her.
Even though her reaction to Madoka working on the project with Homura had been on the negative side, she hadn't mentioned it later when Madoka had met her for lunch. But something about the way she told jokes and teased Hitomi seemed like she was purposefully trying to divert the topic away from the potential direction it could take.
Madoka didn't bring it up with her either. And one day, Sayaka had just stopped replying to her texts.
She didn't join the crowd around Madoka's desk. Instead, she was sitting at the back of the classroom and for the first time in a while, her focus was entirely directed on her work.
0-0-0
It was the day before the project was due, and Madoka was getting really worried. Homura had not shown up at school in almost a week-and-a-half and besides the fact that she had half of the notes, was she sick? Had she mysteriously dropped out like Kyouko?
Madoka became desperate to find some trace of her, to the point where she googled Homura's name in hopes of finding some secret Facebook page or something else that would give her hints about what had happened to her. But she couldn't find anything of relevance to her dark-haired companion.
When she'd realized Homura's absence was a prolonged one, she'd started making her own version of the presentation and paper. Although it wasn't nearly as good as something Homura would have produced, nor would it be up to her standards, she figured she could get a passing mark from it, if worst came to worst. She just hoped it would somehow not impact Homura's grade as well.
On the day of the presentation, Madoka arrived in the classroom early, hoping to see Homura there, as she always arrived exactly half an hour before classes began. It would be a little late to discuss or change anything, but it would relieve Madoka of her fears that something really serious had happened.
But there was no sign of Homura.
There was, however, something that perked Madoka's curiosity. On Homura's desk, there was a folder with a note attached. At first, Madoka thought it was someone else's. But as she approached, she recognized the perfectly shaped characters as Homura's.
When had she been here?
Tentatively, Madoka reached out and picked up the note. Maybe Homura was coming back and it was to tell others not to touch her things?
It was addressed to her. And all it said was, I am taking a leave of absence. It was unavoidable. I'm sorry, Kaname Madoka.
Madoka blinked, not quite comprehending. Folding the note carefully, she tucked it into her schoolbag and then opened the folder. In it was a neat compilation of Homura's notes, as well as a fully written paper and a complete outline for the presentation. Madoka searched briefly for any other notes Homura may have left that would explain things further, but eventually gave up. She looked through what Homura had done and felt a wave of guilt. It was basically flawless, worthy of top marks. And Madoka had left her to do it alone. Briefly she pondered on the possibility that this was somehow Homura's way of getting back at her for it. But it seemed unlikely, considering how adamant Homura had been about taking on the full workload in the first place. And she didn't seem like the vengeful type of person.
She suddenly found herself missing Homura. Genuinely missing her, not because she would have to do the project by herself after all. Even though Homura had never openly facilitated a friendship, she had still done so many little things for Madoka that meant so much, ever since the very first day of school. Without her, Madoka felt almost vulnerable.
But that was stupid. She barely knew Homura and she'd managed just fine before meeting her. As she would have to manage now.
She held up the folder containing the full project and studied it.
0-0-0
Shakily, Madoka presented what she had learned about Faust to the class. She tried to ignore the looks of boredom; she was the last one to go.
She tried not to think of what Homura would say about her delivery.
Glancing to the side, her eyes fell upon the folder sitting on Saotome's desk, unopened.
Then she brought her eyes back to the paper she'd written, cleared her throat, and continued.
0-0-0
It never got easier, walking out of a class knowing you did poorly on something. But at least Madoka still had her pride, and that was one thing she considered important.
She rolled the wad of cash she held in her hand through her fingers. She'd been so busy the previous night with last-minute preparations, as well as worrying for Homura, that she'd forgotten to pack a lunch. And then in her haste to get to school earlier, she hadn't had time that morning either. So she was headed to a local grocery store frequented by many other students that sold things like sushi trays and salads. It wasn't so bad.
As she approached a door in one of the more secluded hallways, however, she heard voices raised in argument. And there was a familiar ring to them.
The door was slightly ajar, so she dared to take a peek through the crack and narrowly stopped herself from gasping.Sayaka was standing just beyond the door, her back to her. And with her was the blonde from before, as well as Kyouko. This time, Kyouko wasn't holding any food, but it looked like she had her tongue pressed to her left cheek, so maybe she had just been chewing on something. She was also rubbing her right hand with her left. Just the sight of her spiked Madoka's curiosity, as the mystery of her connection to Sayaka once again made itself known.
Feeling strangely reluctant to instantly let the others know she was there, Madoka leaned against the doorframe, trying to conceal herself from view as much as possible while still being able to faintly make out what was going on. Usually, she wouldn't condone eavesdropping, but her desire to know exactly what was happening with Sayaka overrode that moral.
"What do you mean you can't see it?" Sayaka wasn't shouting, but she was very close. Her posture was very odd. She was bent – not quite doubled over, but not resting at a natural angle either.
"Start making some sense, why dont'cha?" Kyouko snapped.
The blonde held up one hand in a pacifying gesture. "Miki-san. Please explain."
"It's been about a month now. I can't take this anymore," Sayaka said vaguely, her voice nothing more than a wheeze of air from her chest. "There's something wrong with this city… Something wrong with us. Can't you feel it?"
Kyouko and the blonde looked at one another. Then the blonde said, "Elaborate."
Sayaka pushed her bangs out of her face. She looked very tired and she had noticeable shadows under her eyes. "Every time I kill a witch, I feel like that should be a good thing. I mean, we protect this city, right? But it just seems wrong. It feels like the despair is growing the more Grief Seeds we harvest, not the other way around."
Madoka's heart was racing, and her throat felt dry. Although she didn't understand anything Sayaka had just said, it somehow chilled her to the bone. She suddenly felt very dirty, standing there listening, and yet her mouth was too dry to allow her to speak.
"This city–" Sayaka murmured, her expression gaunt, "–it's dying."
Once again, the blonde exchanged a look with Kyouko. This time, it was Kyoko who spoke. "Look, Sayaka, I know we've got our differences. Hell, I've never wanted to beat up someone so bad in my life." At a sharp glance from the older girl, she coughed. "But I'm really worried about ya."
Instead of replying, Sayaka's whole face tilted into a frown, plunging it into shadow. "It's her."
Madoka's heart skipped a beat. Had she been discovered?
But then Sayaka continued, "It's Akemi. She just has this… deadness about her. Like she's completely hollow. And ever since Madoka came back, she's just gotten weirder. Staring at her, smiling–"
Homura. She meant Homura.
"She used to have this hair bow, but now she doesn't; Madoka does. And now she's disappeared to do some top secret stuff we can't know about." Sayaka laughed and it came out raspy. "And the funniest part about it is that no one else seems to notice. But this city is being destroyed, one little bit at a time, and it's her. I know that." She shivered. "The dolls have her laugh, and the crows have her eyes."
Madoka had jumped at the first mention of her name, but now she felt lightheaded. She reached up and touched one of the ribbons bound to her pigtail. That wasn't right, was it? Homura hadn't given her the ribbons; when could she have done so that Madoka wouldn't remember?
The more Sayaka spoke, the more she began to feel truly creeped out. She could even feel her skin tingling with goosebumps. Sayaka sounded… different. There was no lightness in her tone; there was just a heavy weight. And one of the images she used sounded chillingly familiar.
"Miki-san…" the blonde started. She hesitated for a heartbeat. "I know you don't like Akemi-san, but she is one of our best allies right now. She can't possibly be trying to destroy the city. We're all trying to keep it safe, and we've never been more successful than right now." She reached out towards Sayaka, but when she flinched, she dropped her arm instantly. "Please, Miki-san… You haven't been yourself for the past month. You have to give it up, okay? Just trust us."
Sayaka shivered. "You… She's got you too, hasn't she?"
"Miki-san?"
Sayaka laughed again – this one sounding even hoarser than the last. "Maybe…" She stopped. Her eyes roved from Kyouko to the blonde and back again. Then she took a deep, shuddering breath. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I just need a break."
Madoka couldn't see the blonde's face, but she could make a guess that her expression was one of confusion as she said, "I-I don't…" She broke off and cleared her throat, apparently back in control. "If you think that's best, Miki-san. Sakura-san and I can handle your sector." Sayaka was still hunched over as the blonde came forward and put her hands on her shoulders. "Please give yourself a good rest, okay?"
"Yeah," Kyouko said. She was frowning, and she didn't approach Sayaka. Without addressing her further, she turned to the blonde. "Hey, Mami, I should probably head out. I don't like being here. It gives me a weird feeling."
The blonde, Mami, nodded. "I understand. Goodbye for now, Sakura-san."As Kyouko walked away, Madoka felt the strongest urge yet to say something. But she held her tongue. It wasn't so much that she was afraid they would come to the conclusion that she was eavesdropping. She was afraid to look at Sayaka – to look her in the eye. Especially the way she'd spoken about Homura.
After Kyouko had left, Mami patted Sayaka's shoulder. "Why don't we get you cleaned up so you can find your friends? They'll be wondering where you are."
Cleaned up?
At last, Sayaka raised her head and nodded, allowing the older girl to guide her into walking. And as she turned, Madoka's eyes opened wide and a gasp fell out of her mouth before she could stop it.
Sayaka and Mami both looked up sharply.
Madoka turned and ran away as fast as she could.
0-0-0
Blood.
Where had all that blood come from?
0-0-0
Madoka sat at the desk in the corner of her room, her head buried in her arms. Although it was well past sunset, she hadn't even started on her homework. Her thoughts were still racing over what she'd seen earlier, and every time she conjured up a mental image, her heart began to beat painfully in her chest. Sayaka hadn't come back to class and Madoka's frantic searching of the grounds after school hadn't yielded any results. She had tried to call Sayaka after she got home, but every time she reached for the phone, her hand had begun to shake so much that eventually she'd resorted to just putting her head down for a while to try and calm down.
What had happened to Sayaka? Who were Mami and Kyouko really?
They'd mentioned Homura. Who was Homura really?
Madoka felt like she'd just gotten herself tangled in something big. Somehow, other things were tied to it: Kyouko's disappearance, Homura's disappearance, Sayaka's change in behaviour.
"This city – it's dying," she'd said.
Those words, above everything else, had been the most frightening. It had been the look in Sayaka's eyes as she'd said it.She wasn't okay. And if Madoka was a better friend, she could get over her own fears, put aside the events of the rest of the month, and phone her.
But she didn't because the conversation had scared her and she couldn't deny it.
She felt like the whole thing had somehow been an ultimatum by Sayaka.
But no. It was impossible. After all, witches didn't exist.
Her head came up, and suddenly, all else was forgotten as she mulled it over.
Witches didn't exist…
She looked at her left hand, then brought it up to touch the ribbons in her hair.
Sayaka's erratic behaviour, Mami, Kyouko, the strange pull she felt towards Homura…
Why did something feel so terribly wrong?
Then she heard the scream.
0-0-0
It was a scream filled with rage and so much hatred that Madoka wanted to rush to her bed and hide under the blankets from whatever in the world could produce such a noise.
Instead, she got up, opened her window, and looked out. Seeing nothing, she draped one leg over the sill, then the other.
She paused. There was a possibility…
She jumped.
0-0-0
She didn't remember hitting the ground. She didn't even know how she had landed intact from two storeys up. Something inside of her was screaming at her to run, so she ran. Somehow, impossibly, she knew that nothing else held greater importance than these next moments.
0-0-0
The park wasn't far from her house, but she was completely out of breath by the time she arrived. The park itself was still concealed by a large hedge and several tall bushes that separated it from the road. Madoka's legs trembled with exhaustion as she stumbled up to the bushes and took a survey of the park. Then none of it mattered – her weariness or her disbelief about what she was doing. All that mattered was what was right before her eyes.
Sayaka and Homura. Standing opposite each other. And they couldn't have been more opposite in stances as well. Sayaka was breathing hard, both her fists clenched, and her body shaking so much that Madoka was afraid she would collapse in a seizure. Homura, on the other hand, was standing tall and straight, with a vacant look in her eyes, the slightest trace of a smirk playing around her lips.
Without thinking, Madoka pushed her way between the bushes and ran forward.
"Sayaka-chan! Homura-chan!"
Both of them turned at once. Homura's smirk disappeared, to be replaced by a darker look – something akin to frustration, but not quite. Sayaka, on the other hand, looked furious as she swung around to Homura again.
"What the hell is this? I thought you said there wouldn't be interferences this time. What are you doing, dragging her into this? How dare you."
"Actually," Homura said, and compared to her expression, her voice had never been calmer than it was then, "I believe you were the one who brought her here, Miki Sayaka."
"Only because you wanted it!" Sayaka's voice was so filled with venom that Madoka feared she would spit at Homura.
Homura didn't seem the slightest bit troubled by Sayaka's anger. Her voice was as even and frosty as it had ever been. "You are mistaken if you think I would bring Madoka here on purpose. The last thing I want is for her to get caught up in this foolery."
Then she turned to Madoka, and she shrank under her cold stare. "What are you doing here?"
Madoka shivered, but still met Homura's glare head-on. Somehow, she wasn't afraid of her or of Sayaka's anger. She was afraid for them. "I-I'm sorry. I heard Sayaka shouting and I had to see if she was okay."
Homura's gaze softened the tiniest amount at Madoka's response, but her voice was still firm. "Miki Sayaka is involving you in something that is beyond your control. You shouldn't be here."
Sayaka made a growling noise deep in the back of her throat. Her eyes glinted dangerously. "Back off, Akemi."
"Why?" Homura said, not even sparing Sayaka a sideways glance. "Are you afraid that she'll choose me over you in the end?"
Sayaka laughed, but it sounded robotic. "Yeah, right. Do you really think she'll choose you after she finds out what you've done? That's a laugh, Akemi, it really is."
Homura tilted her head to the side and, although Madoka had seen her do it before, this time, the angle it stopped at looked unnatural. "What have I done?"
Sayaka frowned, the haggardness of her face accentuating the motion even more. "What, you're okay with me just telling her?"
Homura nodded, her expression passive at best. "Go on. I'm interested to hear what you have to say as well."
"Sayaka-chan…" Madoka said. There was a lump in her throat. She wanted to hear what her friend would say, but at the same time, she really, desperately didn't. "I–"
"Listen, Madoka," Sayaka interrupted her. "Akemi isn't who she says she is. She…" Her face scrunched as she struggled to think of something, her shoulders trembling with the effort. "She's done something to this city – to all of us. She's changed… something. No, she… destroyed it. She–" Sayaka met Madoka's eyes, and her face suddenly twisted in a panic. Her speech sped up, each word flowing into the other. "She made us forget. She made you forget. Something's not right. No one will listen… I can't remember." With a cry of fury and frustration, Sayaka whirled around to Homura and pointed an accusing finger at her. "She's a demon!"
Madoka's mouth was open as she tried to process what she'd heard. But none of it made sense, and why was she here? What was Sayaka–
Homura laughed.
Madoka jolted out of the state of confusion she'd been in at Sayaka's words, and stared.
Homura laughed.
The sound echoed around the empty park and it occurred to Madoka for the first time that they were somehow not drawing attention to themselves. Sayaka's scream had to have been heard by others, but Madoka couldn't hear the distant sound of wailing sirens, nor could she spot the flashing lights of the police patrol cars. And all of the windows on the street were strangely dark.
But she quickly dropped the thought, and it was replaced by her returning astonishment at Homura's reaction.
A wide smile had spread across Homura's face as her laughter faded away. Madoka wasn't sure which one was creepier, the laugh or the smile.
"H-Homura-chan?" she asked, hoping that it was just a result of Homura's social awkwardness.
But then Homura spoke in a voice filled with mocking amusement. "Miki Sayaka, where are your manners? You shouldn't go around saying things like that. People will begin to think poorly of you."
"Shut up!" Sayaka snarled. "You know what I'm talking about. Stop acting innocent. You know how you… destroyed the world. You… You…" Her voice trailed into ragged breathing, then she suddenly jumped up like she'd gotten an idea and turned once again to face Madoka. "Madoka, she… She did something horrible to you. She broke you. And now you're here. She's trapped you. Don't you remember?"
Madoka felt the ground lurch beneath her feet. Sayaka's accusations… They couldn't be true. They were like things someone said if they were not quite right. But coming from Sayaka… The look in her friend's eyes begged her to understand, to believe her.
Torn, Madoka raised her head and looked pitifully at Homura. "Homura-chan, what's she talking about?" More than anything, she wanted Homura to give a definite solution to this. She wanted her to assure her and take control of the situation like before.
Instead, Homura's expression of dark delight had turned to one of mild annoyance. She waved a hand and said, "She's lying."
That answer did not satisfy Madoka. It didn't nullify Sayaka's words. If anything, it gave them credibility.
Sayaka's shoulders bunched. "No, I'm not!"
Madoka got the feeling that if she hadn't been standing there, Sayaka would have punched Homura by then.
Homura's eyes wandered over Sayaka, observing her like some distasteful rodent she'd found digging through her compost. Then she looked back at Madoka. The slightest rise and fall of her shoulders indicated a shrug. "Like it or not, everything she says is nonsense. She doesn't understand a word of it herself."
Sayaka screamed. "Shut up!" Then she launched herself at Homura.
Madoka shrieked herself in shock. "Sayaka! No!"
Mid-jump, silvery threads shimmered around Sayaka's body and she was suddenly dressed not in a regular school uniform, but a different outfit that looked like it was straight out of a fairy tale.
Madoka's hands came up to her mouth, her eyes shut, and she braced herself for Sayaka's impact with Homura.
But it never came.In fact, everything went eerily quiet. She could no longer hear the wind through the trees or the chirping of cicadas.
She opened her eyes.
And saw Homura sitting on the bench in front of her, head in her hands. Sayaka was nowhere to be seen.
"H-Homura-chan!" Madoka cried, starting to run towards her. How had she gotten over there? One moment, she'd been sitting next to Homura and they'd been talking, and the next…
Homura looked up. "Kaname Madoka," she said.
Then Madoka realized something was wrong and her running slowed to a halt.
Something was so, so wrong.
Where was Sayaka?
Had she even been here in the first place?
Why couldn't she remember either way?
Her head began to buzz. She'd come here to meet… Homura… Hadn't she?
Madoka froze, the conflicting memories pounding at each other, each one demanding to be heard.
"Homura-chan…?" she whispered. "What are you…" She swallowed and it met resistance, as if her own mouth was reluctant to speak the next words. They came out slowly, uncertainly. "Where's Sayaka-chan?"
Homura's gaze was unyielding, unending in its calmness. "Miki Sayaka was never here. I don't know what you're talking about. In any case, your pacing is starting to worry me. Please sit down." The sunlight glinted on Homura's earring.
Madoka squinted, her gut churning with the awful feeling of something being out of place.
Wait. Sunlight?
No. No no no no no.
It was nighttime. Wasn't it?
Madoka stood completely still. The hairs began to rise on the back of her neck.Homura's eye twitched – the only indication of her impatience. "Please sit down," she repeated. "I would like to talk to you."
Wordlessly, Madoka shook her head. She could do nothing else. Nothing was making sense. She felt nauseous. The buzzing in her head sounded like screeching. She tried to remember how she'd gotten there, but somehow, none of it seemed right.
Homura did not ask her a third time. Instead, she sighed and looked off to the side. Madoka could barely believe it when she saw mournfulness there. But then Homura met her gaze again and any trace of emotion that had been present vanished.
"I'm going to tell you something, then. Evil exists in this world. Insurmountable evil that cannot be denied by the presence of kindness. You are kind, Madoka." A ghost of a smile – a real smile – graced her lips, but was so quickly replaced by solemnity that Madoka wondered if it had been a hallucination. "But even you cannot stop what is."
At last, Madoka's muscles loosened and she allowed herself to relax. Her head still ached as she tried to understand. "I don't understand what you're talking about…"
"But do you believe me?"
Madoka hadn't been expecting that particular question. "I… I don't know." She paused to think. What did she even believe?
She did believe Homura… didn't she? Wasn't Homura her best friend?
No… That was right, and yet…
But then… just behind Homura's head, enduring even in the glare of the midday sun, Madoka spotted a single star.
And then she knew.
"I don't know what you're talking about," she said. Her voice sounded strange to her ears, like it was echoing. She closed her eyes. "And I don't know if I believe what you said. But I do know now what I believe. About everything." She took a deep breath, and it felt like she was doing it for the first time. "I know now. I understand now. What I once believed in." She clasped her hands together, as if praying. "I can see it."
She opened her eyes and the world around her disappeared.
Homura had stood up by that time, and her eyes were narrowed, her jaw was clenched.
The world was covered in stars.
0-0-0
"Homura-chan," she said. There were stars, so many stars, and yet she wasn't afraid. She felt more driven than she ever had.
And then there were the voices that called to her, pleading for rest.
Just a little bit longer.
But at last. At last, she remembered everything. This past month… Everything had been leading up to this.
She extended the fingers of her right hand and felt the familiar smoothness of her bow and smelled the faint scent of roses.
She looked up at Homura and her eyes softened in sympathy.
"I'm sorry, but… You know I can't allow the world to continue like this."
"I know," Homura said with no pretence. "I'm sorry too."
For a moment, Madoka froze. She wanted to reach out to Homura. Despite everything she'd done, she could still see Homura as she truly was. Lost, desperate, some parts selfish, but still an extension of the same girl she'd saved so many lifetimes ago. And who she would save again. Her free hand trembled. She knew Homura was not beyond her grasp, but for as long as this world existed, she would never forfeit her vision of the way things should be.
The same was true for Madoka.
"Homura-chan." Her voice took on a note of pleading. Anything to try and call back that girl who Madoka had loved enough to give up her existence for. The girl who had fought and had hurt and had stood up to the testament of time for the sake of another. The Homura that sacrificed, but didn't covet.
But even as she spoke, Madoka knew the reality of the situation. And the one enduring quality of Homura that would never yield, even to Madoka.
"You fought so long and hard, all for my sake," Madoka said, lifting her bow. "But I fight for the sake of magical girls everywhere. If you can accept that, we can be together. I promise. That's what you've been wanting this whole time, hasn't it? Well, it's what I want too, Homura-chan. I want to be with you… and the others too. But not like this."
"Madoka… Can't you understand?" Homura's voice was eerie in its tranquility. There was no rise or fall, nor matter-of-factness in it. It simply was. "This is what you really want. You always sacrifice yourself for the sake of others, but it has never made you happy." Here, her tone changed drastically, becoming akin to the side of Homura Madoka had glimpsed not so long ago, when she'd narrowly stopped Madoka from making a premature wish. "Your sacrifice didn't make anyone happy! Miki Sayaka, Sakura Kyouko, Tomoe Mami… We all had regrets. We all suffered. And you… You didn't even exist anymore! But in this world… no one is dying. Your friends are all around you and you can be with them whenever you want. Why do you care so much for anyone else? I did this for you." She shouted the last line, her voice wavering on the verge of tears. And yet, none fell. Her face went still, settling back into it's stoniness like she hadn't even had the outburst.
Madoka closed her eyes tight. More than anything, she wanted to accept Homura's feelings, the way she had when Homura had confessed everything to her before. But she couldn't. Not this way.
Raising her head, she met Homura's stare. "I knew how much this would hurt me, but I still chose to do it. It's exactly like how you said. This is something only I could do. And I won't allow anyone to suffer while I can do something about it. Sayaka-chan, Kyouko-chan, and Mami-san… I knew they believed in me. I never left them or you. And now, I have to put things back in order. Please, Homura-chan… Please just let me fix things."
"'Fix things'," Homura echoed. Her voice rang out hollowly, and she suddenly looked gaunt in the moonlight. "This is the way things are meant to be." She reached up slowly and unhooked her earring – the one that had captivated Madoka from the start. Holding it up, she continued, "Madoka, this is the world I've created. It was all for your sake; everything has been for your sake. It doesn't matter if you will not live in this world happily. It doesn't matter what I have to become to keep it this way. I will never allow you to give up your life again." The gem began to glow, emitting a strange and unnatural luminescence.
In a voice so quiet that Madoka barely heard it, Homura whispered, "This is my prayer."
"Homura-chan–"
Then Homura transformed in a storm of light and wind that blinded Madoka.
0-0-0
She had wings. Wings that spanned the night sky, as inky black as the farthest corners of the universe where no stars shone. Her dress was made of thousands of feathers. More flew around her in a sort of spiral, but disintegrated the moment they touched the ground.
She was surrounded with voices too. But there was something artificial about them, like they'd been manufactured. Figures glinted in the darkness behind her, and for a second, Madoka felt a prick of unease.
Although everything about her was black, the more Madoka continued to look at Homura, the more her eyes began to burn, causing splotches of colour to explode behind her eyelids as she shut them tight. Her mind was racing. She had underestimated the exact lengths Homura had taken to preserve this world.
From a few feet above Madoka, Homura spoke. Her voice was still as calm as ever. "Duty has become so important to you that you have forgotten to look around you. You fail to see what is right in front of you." There was a rushing sound, then the unmistakeable noise of an arrow being nocked to a string. "Allow me to once again remind you, Kaname Madoka."
She opened her eyes in time to see Homura release a black arrow. It sped towards her, but exploded mere millimetres in front of her face. Tendrils arose from the fragments, wrapping themselves around Madoka and, before she could stop them, plunged into her eyes and chest.
Madoka cried out as a sudden agony caused her to double over. Visions flashed before her eyes, but little by little, they were fading at the corners, as if they were being eaten away. She held her face in her hands, begging them to come back. She'd lost them once before and now they were slipping away again.
She had to do something.
She was the salvation of magical girls everywhere.
Resolute, fuelled by her pain and the desperation to not lose herself again, Madoka struggled to rise. She felt the grip of Homura's magic still in her mind, blotting out her memories one by one. But she would not give them up easily.
Still bent over with her eyes shut, she conjured up the fondest and most securely tucked away memories she had – the ones that were the most precious to her and had helped to define her existence.
Sayaka's teasing smile, Mami's hand gripping hers, Kyouko's stubborn loyalty. And even Homura's warm embrace.
Those were the memories that could never be stolen from her or altered, lest it also change who she was.
She felt a tingling in her back, heard the voices rise to a crescendo of encouragement.
All she needed was to be able to spread her own wings and then she could break the last of Homura's power over her.
She heard the black-haired girl let out a single cry of frustration and exertion as Madoka continued to rise.
She just needed to the chance to fly.Then something changed. The darkness disappeared from her mind as if expelled and Madoka blinked, opening her eyes very slowly.
The stars were still there, but Homura had disappeared. Madoka straightened completely, her long hair floating around her face and her gold eyes trying to take everything in. She still had no wings and her memories, although hazy, were mostly intact.
Before she could come to any conclusions, however, Homura struck from above.
One moment, everything was still, and the next, Madoka was being battered by Homura's powerful wings. She staggered, momentarily disabled. But it was all the time Homura needed to regain control of the situation.
Before she could react, three dark arrows pierced her from behind and her vision swam as her memories evaporated faster than before, twisting themselves into terrible images before vanishing entirely. The images were familiar, but they were all wrong. Sayaka's smile morphed into a maniacal grin, Mami's hand grew talons as blood spurted from her face, and Kyouko fought hopelessly as her body was impaled several times by an unseen foe. The voices, too, became sinister, howling in grief and begging Madoka for help before fading away.
And the pain. This was a pain she'd only felt once before. The memory of Homura seizing her into an anguished hug dissolved into Homura squeezing her so tightly that she could feel her bones cracking. She felt like she was splitting apart, as the very essence of her being was ripped away from her.
Madoka screamed, the sound layered with endless pain, sorrow, and longing.
Then the pink-haired girl hunched over with a weak cough and dropped to her hands and knees, trembling. Vulnerable. She wanted to scream again, but the sound wouldn't make its way past her throat.
"Homura-chan," she choked out. "W-What are you doing?"
"I'm only doing what it takes to show you the truth," Homura said, unperturbed as she watched the scene unfold.
Her vision becoming blurred by tears, Madoka forced herself to look up towards Homura, her whole body shaking.
Homura was hovering in front of her. But in place of a bow, she held a simple shield. It was grey and battered, and looked very small in her hands. But the way she handled it was akin to a mother tending her child.
And even despite Madoka's shattered memories, she still recognized it.
And then she made the connection.It had been a little over a month. Kyouko had come and gone, Sayaka had deteriorated, Madoka had come closer and closer to the final solution.
And Homura… Homura had been there the whole time, watching the events happen around her, manipulating them… but unable to change the result.
"H-Homura… You don't have to do this." She squeezed her eyes shut again, unable to look at Homura's true form for too long. Tears fell from her lashes as she was once again assaulted by pain, the last of her memories crumbling away to darkness so that she was no longer sure of who or where she was.
"I'm sorry," Homura said. For the first time that night, there was something genuine in her voice. Real sadness. "This is the only way."
Madoka heard a click.
Then there was nothing.
Homura watched as Madoka walked in and introduced herself. She was so small, but now Homura could finally see her as the Incubators could, and what she saw filled the room – had the potential to cover the world. And little by little, thanks to Homura's efforts, it was growing.
But it wasn't yet strong enough. Homura would keep her throne and Madoka would continue to stumble around in the dark, looking for the light she'd once held in her hands.
There was a chance she'd never find it.
A chance.
But Homura knew better by now. There were some laws that could not be broken, some eternities that overrode others.
All she needed was the slightest nudge in the right direction, and then Madoka would be torn away from Homura again. She would resist the laws Homura had created and try to help Homura find her salvation.
But Homura didn't want salvation.
She just wanted Madoka.
One day, Madoka would no longer be in the realm of her control despite her efforts, and she would have to fight to keep her. Even if that meant fighting hope itself.
It was cruel that the closer Madoka got to Homura, the closer she got to discovering the truth. Homura couldn't afford to let anything slip. This time, she wouldn't stay long. Eventually, Madoka always found a way past the careful front she'd erected, and Homura's grip on her was weakening. She would stay long enough to ensure that Miki Sayaka did not ruin anything and that she had the support of Sakura Kyouko and Tomoe Mami. Maybe then, other things could be avoided, and Homura could stave off fate for a little bit longer.
For now, though, Madoka was a transfer student and Homura was the class representative and soon, she would introduce herself to Madoka for the first time. This world would continue on in its constant state of contradiction, waging its own battle against the inevitability of time.
Despite that thought, Homura allowed her mouth to curve into the beginnings of a smile.
One day, they would be enemies.
But not today.
