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It’s been forever since he’s seen his brother’s face. Even still, Clive finds it’s not difficult to match Joshua’s older, worry-warn features with that of his younger self. Especially resting, as he is now.
Four days have passed since their fight with Bahamut, and neither Prince nor Phoenix have chosen to wake from their slumber.
Clive brushes a stray strand of hair from his brother’s face, taking comfort in the warmth he finds against his palm. How long it’s been, to see Joshua’s skin unmarred by the wounds he himself inflicted. To reach out and have Joshua’s form not slip from his fingertips, to reach out and know it’s all real.
How long it’s been… how long indeed.
Despite the hope that took root in his chest that day five years ago, the guilt of Phoenix Gate had already planted it’s seed thirteen years prior. Joshua was dead, and Clive had killed him. That was the truth he worked so hard to accept, and the guilt he felt for it never saw fit to let any new roots grow. And how could it? Even if his brother rests before him now, the events of that night don’t change.
Only their outcome.
“I thought I warned you not to disturb him.”
He nearly startles at the voice, turning to Tarja as if a kid caught misbehaving by their mother. Not that his mother was a tenth as kind as the woman standing before him.
“My apologies, Tarja. I was just leaving.”
“Hold on.” The physicist halts his movement before it can start, her scowl enough to deter any argument. She studies him for a moment, in a fashion so similar to Sir Rodney that- for a moment, his chest seizes. Had they ever a chance to meet, he's almost certain he’d never leave the infirmary. “You’re pale as a sheet, Clive. Just when was the last time you took the time to rest?”
He hides from her gaze, his own falling back on Joshua as he sleeps. Clive wishes it could look more peaceful than it did.
How hard has Joshua’s life been until now? How many pains, how many sorrows, had Clive not been there to protect him from? He’d failed his duty twice over, a shield as worthless as him doesn’t deserve to live- let alone rest. Not while Joshua is still fighting, still trying to awake.
A part of him whispers. Clive does his best not to hear it.
“Alright.” Tarja draws his attention back to her, her arms crossed disapprovingly down at him. “Stay with him.”
“Are you certain?”
“If it’d get you to stop running around and reopening all your wounds for more than an hour, I’d let you tend to him yourself.”
“Thank you, Tarja. I promise not to wake him.”
“See that you don’t.” She shakes her head, gripping the doors handle harder than necessary as she leaves. “And Clive? He won’t be happy with you if you work yourself to death before he wakes.”
And then the door snaps shut, enclosing them in the infirmary’s small backroom. They’d moved Dion out earlier, his deeper wounds slowly starting to mend under Rodrigue’s continuous care. But it left Clive and Joshua alone, and Clive doesn’t know that he trusts himself to be alone with anyone anymore, much less Joshua.
He fights through the unease, borrowing Tarja’s stool in order to take a seat by his brother's side. Otto would find him should anyone in the Hideaway need ‘Cid’, for now, Clive just wants to be with his brother.
-
Joshua should have seen this coming. Of all the tales he’s heard of his brother’s deeds, his penchant for destroying crystals was by far the most renown. Of course he’d be there, Drake’s Tail was the last mother crystal on this side of the Twins.
Whatever the chances, he hadn’t anticipated reuniting so soon, and with so little to show for his continued absence. Ultima’s influence still seeps out of the Phoenix’s seal, and despite the Undying’s best efforts, Joshua still has little and less to go off when it comes to the being’s motives.
The one thing Joshua does know... Ultima is after Clive. With the seal in his chest, is it really safe for his brother to be so close? Should Joshua fall, there would not even be distance between Ultima and his goal. But now that they’re reunited, Clive would never allow him to leave.
And Joshua would not have the heart to.
He peers down at the bed, where the mighty First Shield of Rosaria lays asleep, his hand resting over his Lord’s protectively. The sight hasn’t changed at all, not in eighteen years. Sickly as he was, Clive had always managed to be there at his side to protect him. Spinning tales of their father and Rodney’s exploits to cheer him up. Not even Anabella was at his side as often as his brother, though she’d have Joshua believe otherwise.
No, his protector has always been Clive. Even their father understood that.
“You always were such a worrywart, Brother.” Joshua buries his free hand in Clive’s hair, brushing the untamed mess away from his face. “What am I to do with you?”
“You could start by convincing him to take a break once in a while.” A women stands in the doorway, a familiar scar staining her cheek. She must be one of his brother’s allies, a close one, if the way her eyes linger on Clive is anything to go off. “He’ll sooner fall to exhaustion than another’s blade.”
“That certainly sounds like my brother.” His new acquaintance chuckles with him, but the worried edge to her gaze doesn’t lighten. Joshua wonders just how much trouble his brother has been getting into for her to look at him like that. She shakes her head, as if remembering something, and holds out her hand to him.
“Tarja.” She says, and Joshua takes it. Before he can respond in kind, she offers him a smile. “There’s no need to introduce yourself, I’ve heard all about you.”
“Truly?”
“Not at first. And… not by his choice.” Tarja takes a steadying breath, shutting the door behind her. “How much do you know of your brothers life after Phoenix Gate?”
“Not nearly enough, I’m afraid. The Undying learned of his survival when I was still recovering from the battle itself, but our Mother hid him away from their prying eyes before they could gage his situation. I spent years listening for word of him, but I heard nary a thing until after he joined your ranks.”
“Well, I’m sure you know it has not been easy, at the very least.”
“Indeed.”
Tarja sighs deeply, hovering awkwardly at Clive’s side. Joshua doesn’t doubt that she’d reach out her own hand were he not present.
“He swore to take your revenge. To kill the Eikon that took your life, and their Dominant with them.” The physicist shifts her eyes to meet his, a sudden resolve shining there. “Imagine how he must have felt, to learn Ifrit had been inside him all along.”
“He didn’t—“
“He did.” Joshua’s blood turns to ice. “Cid had to put him in chains to stop him. Didn’t feel comfortable letting him out of them for weeks, though Clive only remembers days.” Tarja takes a deep breath, and nothing could have hid the way it shuddered. “When he sobered up, we weren’t exactly keen to take ‘it was nothing’ for an answer. Pried your name out of him soon enough.”
“Clive… Why? Why would you think I’d want that.” His brother’s sleeping form offers him no explanation, no insight, and Joshua’s left paralyzed by the fact that Clive would have succeeded. Had Cid not been there— had his brother been alone when the ‘revelation’ happened—
Joshua feels sick. Sicker than any illness could make him.
“I’m sorry, it must be a lot to take in.”
“No— No it’s… Thank you, Lady Tarja.” He tries to smile, but he’s certain it comes across closer to a grimace. “And… I’m sorry, too. For not coming back to him sooner.”
“You’re here now. You both are, that’s all that matters.”
Clive twitches under his hand, and Tarja seems to take his stirring as her que to leave. She meets Joshua eyes one more time as the door shuts quietly behind her, and Joshua stares back. He’ll promise it a hundred times, a thousand times if he has too.
He won’t let his brother destroy himself over Phoenix Gate any longer.
“Joshua?“ His brother shoots up from the bed, and not a moment later Joshua has gentle hands examining him. Even seeing for himself that Joshua no longer bears any life threatening injury, the crease between his brother’s brow seems only to grow deeper. “I— I should get Tarja—“
Joshua places a hand over his, keeping the outlaw in place.
“Clive, I’m fine.”
“The hell you are.”
“I’m fine.” He repeats, more earnestly this time. “Just stay with me.”
Clive falters, his stuttering breath the only sound between them for a moment. How long has Joshua waited for this moment? It’s true he heard little of his brother after Anabella hid him— but he… he always knew where to look. It was Joshua’s own selfishness that kept him away, the fear that should the time ever come where Clive needs him again, he still wouldn’t be strong enough.
But Clive needed him then.
Clive needed him when their mother branded him for life, Clive needed him when the empire scorned his very existence, and Clive needed him when the ‘truth’ of Phoenix Gate saw fit to end his brother’s life. Joshua stayed away to free his brother from his duty, so why does it feel like he only condemned him to it?
“I’m sorry.” His brother's voice pulls him from the thoughts, the sound shaking. “I failed you, Joshua. As your shield and… as your brother.”
“No.” He puts every ounce of conviction he has into the denial, surging forward to catch Clive’s receding hands. “It is I who failed you, Brother. For so long I searched for an answer, that I might be able to protect you from the unknown force coveting you. Yet here I stand before you with naught but a hole in my chest.”
“Protecting me was never your duty.”
“Perhaps. But it is one I chose.” His brother’s resolve crumbles under the words, the retreat successfully thwarted. Joshua smiles, refusing to let all the pain— all the work that is still yet to be done, ruin this moment. He pulls his brother forward, wrapping him tight in an embrace. “It is one I choose.”
“I never wanted you to have to.” Clive’s voice is below a whisper, his hands unsteady where they cling to Joshua’s clothes. “I never wanted—“
“I know.” He cuts off the train of thought, holding on to his brother just that little bit tighter. “Even still, I’m glad for it. The life I lead now may not be the one you desired for me, it may not even be the brightest, but I lead it fighting beside my Shield, not cowering behind him.”
“Joshua…”
“You have always protected me, Clive. Yes, even that night at Phoenix Gate. It’s true, Ifrit fought to kill, but it was your will that stopped him before he could.” Joshua pulls back just enough to gaze deeply into his brother’s eyes. “Remember how it truly happened, remember how, at the very last moment, it was you who halted Ifrit’s rage. I’m here now, because even as powerful as your Eikon was—is, you still managed to stop him. All for me, Clive, like the true shield you are.”
“I— you wouldn’t… You wouldn't have been in danger at all if not for me.” Clive looks away, shame still apparent in his posture. Just as well, Rosalith wasn’t built in a day. This would just have to be a start.
A start Joshua has every intention of seeing through to the end.
“We can argue that another day.” He sighs softly, touching their foreheads together. Just like Clive had done that night in Twinside. “For now, I suppose we have a lot to catch up on. What say you, Brother?”
For the first time in 18 years, Joshua hears his brother laugh. A small, soft sound he could never mistake.
“What else?”