Work Text:
It was storming pretty heavily… and well, Jamison never liked storms.
The tempestuous storm brought out a side of Jamison that he preferred to keep hidden — a fear of thunder and lightning as well as everything else having to do with storms.
It always seemed incongruous with his love for explosives, but it is what it is… for some reason he was scared of one but not the other.
He just… he had an unknown but intense fear of storms.
Jamison sat against the bed frame, his leg pulled to his chest and his arm wrapped around it. He wasn’t wearing any of his prosthetics, he didn’t wear them at night in the first place, and especially not in bed. That was just an egregious idea.
Mako was fast asleep next to him, the storm not even a thought in the big guy’s peaceful and sleeping mind. It wasn’t bothering him one bit.
But oh god was it bothering Jamison.
He was practically shaking as he was trying to calm himself down. He knew that eventually he’d have to wake up Mako to get some sort of solace of comfort, but he just couldn’t right now.
The sound of thunder rumbled loudly, causing Jamison to flinch with each strike. Lightning illuminated the room, casting eerie shadows on the walls.
He felt a mix of embarrassment and frustration at his own fear, knowing it didn’t align with his usual brash and confident demeanor.
Trying to distract himself, he stared at Mako, who was still peacefully asleep. The man had always been a steady source of support for Jamison, but he couldn’t bring himself to wake his lover during the storm.
No matter what, Mako was always there to comfort Jamison in a time of need, and vice versa… though the latter happened much less often.
As the storm continued to rage outside, Jamison couldn’t ignore the rising anxiety within him. He took deep breaths, trying to regain control over his emotions, but it was no use. The fear had taken hold, and it seemed impossible to shake off.
Why was he so scared of storms? It made absolutely no sense.
That question lingered in Jamison’s mind as the thunderous booms and flashes of lightning intensified.
He knew he couldn’t keep avoiding the issue… it would just be easier to wake the other up and get the comfort he oh so desired than to try and comfort himself.
Swallowing his pride, he decided to wake up his partner, knowing that Mako would understand and support him.
“Hey, Hoggy, wake up,” he said, his voice wavering as he gently shook Mako by the shoulder.
Mako hummed and opened his eyes slowly to look at Jamison. Once he realized it was storming he softly sighed. “Scared?”
Jamison nodded. “It keeps thundering and freaking me out… I— I don’t know. I’m… I hate storms…”
“I know,” Mako said gently, sitting up and adjusting himself so he could look at the other. Then, reached out and pulled Jamison close, wrapping his arms around him in a comforting embrace.
“I hate it, I hate it, I hate it so fuckin’ much, Mako. I’m so scared and it leaves me shaking and crying like a damn baby,” Jamison buried his face in Mako’s shoulder. “I tried to sleep it out, I really did… I just couldn’t! It’s so stupid.”
“That’s okay,” Mako rubbed Jamison’s back gently.
“It’s really not. I’m a grown man, why am I scared of a little thunderstorm?” he chuckled, but it was one filled with pain and disappointment in himself.
“Fears don’t always make sense,” Mako sighed, pulling out of the hug to look at Jamison.
“But there is a reason! There has to be— I have to figure it out! I can’t keep— storms are just a normal thing, Roadie. I can’t be scared of them forever! Nothing— I get so— ugh!” he cried, “I can’t live like this.”
Mako gently placed a hand on Jamison’s cheek, looking into his eyes with nothing but understanding and love. He didn’t say anything but just that expression was enough.
“I… I’m sorry, mate,” Jamison sighed and closed his eyes, trying to take a deep breath but it came out incredibly shaky and weak.
“No,” Mako rubbed his thumb against Jamison’s cheek to get rid of some of the tears. “You have nothing to apologize for.”
“I feel like I do,” Jamison shrugged. “I can go on about everything, how I know the reasons behind my fears but not this one… but you probably don’t like my yammering, do you? Probably want me to shut up.”
Mako leaned in gently and kissed Jamison’s forehead. “You can’t help it.”
“I know I can’t but that doesn’t mean you don’t hate it. Everyone hates it. Everyone is always telling me to shut up, to stop talking and annoying them— no matter what I say or who I say it to, it’s always too much. People absolutely hate me and my talking. No one likes me. I don’t fit in absolutely anywhere, that I'm a burden to those around me. I need to learn to shut up—” he paused and started cry laughing weakly, “Well, case in point…”
“No,” Mako said firmly. “I don’t hate you,” he added.
“Sure you don’t,” Jamison shrugged.
Mako frowned. “Jamie…”
“I hate being hyper verbal, Mako—” he cut himself off when a certain thought came into his mind. One he hadn’t thought about in years. “Ya know when I was younger I used to try and force myself to go mute. At school I would just… try not to talk. Only if a teacher called on me or someone directly talked to me. It was so hard and I struggled so much with it but I felt like I had to. That way no one would have to deal with me anymore. That I wasn’t annoying,” Jamison admitted.
Mako nodded, gently showing that he was listening. He waited for Jamison to continue, giving him the space to share his thoughts and emotions.
The storm still rolled on outside, loud cracking noises and the raindrops hitting the window glass at incredible strength… It was awful.
“I— I don’t know why I did that. I really wanted to stop talking and to stop burdening people. I hate being hyper-verbal… I always have and I don’t think it’ll ever stop. I know you hate it because everyone else does.”
Mako gently sighed. “Do you hate me for being semi-verbal?” he asked. There was a tone in the voice that Jamison couldn’t quite tell what it was and honestly it was… scary.
“What? No! Of course not, mate, why would I?” Jamison looked at him in shock.
“Exactly,” Mako said softly. “So why would I hate you for being hyper-verbal?”
“Because it causes so many problems… I just ramble on when unnecessary and everyone gets tired of it. You— even you have told me to shut up from frustration a few times.”
“Doesn’t mean I hate it or you,” Mako sighed, trying to piece together what he wanted to say next.
Jamison knew to wait for him, it took Mako a significant amount of effort to say more than a short sentence or two at once.
“I may have told you to shut up out of frustration, but that doesn’t mean I hate you for it,” he took a deep breath. “I, more often than not, feel like me being semi-verbal gets in the way of us communicating. I can’t express my feelings as well and it’s so hard for me to speak more than the bare minimum… but you still love me. Why can’t it be the other way around in regards to you?
Jamison sat there in shock as he tried to absorb Mako’s words… he had never considered things from the other’s perspective, and it hit him deeply.
“You’re right. You’re right and I’m stupid,” he chuckled, weak but real. “I— I don’t know how we got from storms to this but… thank you,” he said softly.
Mako, who was probably tired and out of words, just nodded and hugged Jamison tightly, brushing the other’s hair with his giant hand.
“Can we uh… can we go back to sleep? I think I might be able to sleep if I have you…” Jamison said with a soft smile.
A small hum came from the other man as he dragged the other man down into a lying position.
“I hate storms so much, they’re so loud and scary,” Jamison huffed, nuzzling into Mako.
Mako gently hushed him and started fake snoring.
Jamison couldn’t help but laugh, “Okay you big lug, I’ll try and sleep. I love you.”
“I love you too.”