Chapter Text
Catra had her arm linked with Adora’s. Her eyes darted around the vast room she was in. It was decorated beautifully with Perfuma’s flowers. The space was filled with a crowd of people Catra didn’t know nor cared to know. She could hear the whispers and feel the stares drilling into her. She could feel how unwanted she was. She took a deep breath and with her free hand she adjusted the collar of her button up. She felt fear rising in her, the collar was too tight. She decided she needed to push down the fear. This was Adora’s night. Adora had defeated Horde Prime. The war was over, and they were celebrating. Catra knew she wanted to be here for Adora. She had to be. She needed to make up for all
she’d done.
Catra tried to tune back into the conversation happening between Adora and Micah. They were laughing and making small talk. She couldn’t seem to make out the words exchanged. The room started to spin around her. The voices felt like they were pounding into her ears. She tried to take deep breaths but she felt as though no air was making it into her lungs.
She placed a hand on Adora’s shoulder, trying not to draw attention to her current state, “I am going to get a drink, I’ll be right back.” Catra did not meet Adora’s eyes. If she saw the blue gray staring back at her, she knew she would burst into tears. She unlinked her arm and tried to walk away as casually as she could. She knew how observant Adora was. If she had seen Catra run, she would have followed.
Catra weaved her way through the crowd muttering ‘excuse me’ as she passed people. The fear was rising to her throat again. She could feel the tears welling up. She wasn’t going to last much longer with the crowd. She could see the exit of the room. She tried to calm herself down just enough to squeeze through the last group of people. She didn’t know Bright Moon very well. She only knew how to get to her and Adora’s room, the war room, and the dining room. She didn’t need much contemplation to land on she and Adora’s room.
She felt like she was racing to get to the room before her tears overflowed. She navigated to the entrance of the room and pushed the doors open. She quickly shut them behind her and finally the tears came. Catra’s body was wracked with sobs. She didn’t quite know why she was having such a visceral reaction to the party. She just knew she had disappointed Adora. She had left her. She was shaking as she make her way to the balcony. She grasped the railing, trying to get a hold of herself. Her chest burned with every shaky breath. Her fingers flew to the top button on her shirt. She fumbled with it and finally undid it. She hung her head, trying to stop her crying. It was no use. The tears kept coming.
Catra’s ear flew backwards as she heard footsteps down the hallway. Shit. She knew those heavy steps anywhere. She took a deep breath and counted.
‘ten’ Adora was coming. She needed to be okay. Adora couldn’t see her like this.
‘nine’ She rubbed the tears from her eyes.
‘eight’ she buttoned up her shirt again, ignoring the restricted feeling.
‘seven’ Adora was nearing the door.
‘six’ Catra stood straight up, shaking out her body.
‘five’ Adora was at the door.
‘four’ She smoothed down her hair.
‘three’ Adora opened the door.
‘two’ Catra put on her signature smirk.
‘one’ She casually turned around and looked at Adora. Adora was beautiful. She was in a long white dress with a gold accent. It looked as though the fabric was dripping down her body. She was worried. Catra could tell. Her eyes were a cloudy gray, and she was dragging them down every inch of Catra body. She hurried over to Catra.
“Hey Adora,” Catra purred. Adora seemed to be studying her. Catra nearly flinched under the gaze. Catra was good at hiding her emotions, pretending that she was fine. But Adora knew her. She knew what every flick of Catra’s tail meant, she could predict her thoughts with one look at her ears. Adora knew something was not right. What was wrong? Now that was something that Catra could hide. She was going to as well. This was Adora’s night. She could not ruin it more than she already had. She couldn’t let Adora down.
“Catra,” Adora said as she approached the balcony
Catra was leaning on, “Are you okay? You said you were going to get a drink, but you weren’t at the bar when I looked for you. I figured you came here.” Catra steadied her gaze to the landscape in front of her. She studied the outline of the trees in the Whispering Woods.
Catra gave her an easy smile, “I’m perfectly fine Princess, just needed to get away from the crowd.” Adora looked her up and down, trying to figure out what was wrong.
“Okay… well you know you can talk to me about anything, right?” Catra winced. She started cursing herself in her head. Adora was sure to have noticed. She grabbed Adora’s hand and intertwined their fingers.
“How is the party going? Did Sea Hawk set anything on fire yet?” She deflected, finally looking at Adora. Adora gave her a look she couldn’t quite figure out. It was the same one she used when Catra finally talked about her emotions. The same one that she gave her when she told her what had happened in the Horde in her absence. It wasn’t quite pity. It was something else. Catra tried to ignore it and trained her eyes on the darkness just past Adora’s shoulders.
Adora gave a sigh, “Not yet, but I wouldn’t put it past him. Mermista just got him another boat.”
“I don’t know why she puts up with him.” Catra chuckled. Adora had a faint smile on her face but the same look in her eyes.
“I should get back to the party, make sure everything is going smoothly. Are you coming?” Adora asked, rubbing her thumb on Catra’s hand. Catra pulled Adora’s hand towards her and gave it a soft kiss.
“I’ll be right there, Princess. You go ahead and I’ll catch up.” Catra said softly, smiling.
“Okay… I guess I’ll see you in there. Please don’t be too long.” Adora almost whispered. She gave Catra’s hand a squeeze and walked away, the doors to their bedroom closing behind her. Catra exhaled and her face dropped. She let out a groan and hit the railing as hard as she could. She could not keep pretending like this. Lying to Adora was eating her from the inside out. She just couldn’t let her down. She couldn’t be weak.
She shook her head and took another deep breath before heading to the door. She could handle this. It’s just a stupid party. She put on her signature smirk before walking back to the party. It was for Adora.