Chapter Text
You return to the world of the living when your eyes open and find darkness.
You blink a few times, trying to understand if Ghost slammed a door or if Price was yelling for them to wake up, or if Gaz woke up with the wrong foot again, but after several seconds of trying to hear, nothing happens, nothing even moves.
Is just Soap’s snoring at the other side of the bed and some early birds, but at this rate you were so used to his snoring that it was more of a lullaby than an inconvenient sound.
Blinking again, you move your head to the nightstand to see your phone. Its light blinds you for a moment but shows you the time.
It was still too early to fucking wake up.
Sighing, you return to look at the ceiling to notice that there is a weak glimpse of an early morning light squeezing through the windows of Soap’s room and for a vague moment you remember.
You blink again so the fact that you aren’t in your room nor in your bed sinks in, that you accepted his proposal once more, and that you didn’t say no to him even if you knew you should have.
Who are you kidding?
You lost your ability to say no to Soap a long time ago.
You couldn’t blame Soap for everything, it was your fault too, you didn’t have self-control. You couldn’t say no whenever an opportunity to not sleep alone presented itself, well, not any opportunity that is, since you only said yes to him, you only can’t say no to him.
You were trying to understand why, though.
You have shared beds with other people just because of the necessity of sleeping, but with Soap it was…different.
It was almost like it was your favorite part of being on base like it was your favorite part of the day like it was the thing that pushed you to end and survive every damn mission.
Just the idea of Soap offering you his bed or him being close while you slept or waiting for you to share a bed ‘cause he couldn’t sleep without you anymore made you…feel things.
Maybe it was because he enjoyed your company just as you did.
In the beginning, Soap was annoying, and he never shut up you regretted making commentaries about football, because that always started a fight between Ghost and him, and God that was the worse mistake ever.
But then after that first time, you simply shared a bed – there was only one bed and you were anxious to share it with someone, but Soap offered and respected your space – of feeling safe and warm and protected for the first time in actually a long fucking time…you got some actual rest.
And that’s when you started seeing him differently.
He was loud yes and got too excited in the worse moments and found things way too funny when they weren’t like golden retrievers, but he was also fierce and protective and will absolutely get into a fistfight if someone he cares is involved, no questions asked, just action.
And well, a first became a second, a third, a fourth, a fifth, and then a sixth and a seventh an eighth, and a ninth and you lost count.
But it was comfortable to just lay down in bed to sleep to actually rest and know that beside you there is someone who will watch your back any day in any moment someone you trusted someone you lo-
You stop your thoughts right there, deciding that adventuring more is dangerous, and you are way too much of a coward to even think of that or anything related.
Instead, you close your eyes, sigh, and push your hair back.
And that’s exactly when you hear his snoring stop and hear him shift in bed and that’s when you feel the bed crack and shake because he was a total brute even if he wasn’t as tall and stupidly big as Ghost.
That’s also the moment you feel his arms jumping over you, surrounding you in a snuggle. You were going to complain and push him away when his stubble brushed your neck.
“'top overthinkin', Muffin’ I love ya”.
That’s when time froze, and your heart gave a beat so violent you thought you were having a heart attack.
Did he just say he loved you?
Your breath hitches and for a few moments, you feel dizzy with adrenaline and dread and excitement at the same time, like you usually feel when you are about to start a mission.
You look around the room, you wait for him to say something else, to clear his mistake, to tell you he was joking or to apologize, to say anything, but nothing comes from him, except his snoring and his breathing tickling your neck.
When your heart is about to give up and you feel like you can't breathe anymore, you decide you have to get off the bed and away from him.
With shaky hands, you take Soap’s arms to get them off your person but he has a grip on you and it takes you more than you would have wanted to do it. When you are finally free, you don’t even dare to look at him, you take your shoes and your things and you rush out of the room like you were running from Death herself.
Is not until you are in your own room, sitting in your bed, with your lungs working overtime and your heart in your ears that you realize you are crying.
He said he loved you.
No one had said that to you before.