Work Text:
Good news! Your Target order is ready. Please pull into one of our designated curbside pickup slots and click this link. Your personal shopper will be right out with your order.
“Not again,” Olivia grumbled, looking down at her phone. This was the sixth time in three weeks she’d received the exact same text from Target. At first, she thought it was a mistake, then she thought it was a scam. Now she was pretty sure it was just spam texts, but she was sick of getting them.
“Everything okay, Lieutenant?” Amanda asked, poking her head inside Liv’s office.
“I guess,” Olivia said. “I just keep getting these stupid text messages about my Target order. But I haven’t placed a Target order.”
“Scam?” Amanda asked.
“That’s what I thought the first two times,” Olivia said. “It either has to be spam or a mistake.”
Olivia had avoided clicking the link in the texts to ward off viruses from her phone, but this time she tapped the blue text. A new screen loaded in her web browser.
Your pickup is ready! Pull into one of our designated curbside pickup slots and click “I’ve arrived.” Your personal shopper will be right out with your order.
Order Completed: May 28, 2017, at 4:17 p.m.
Target
13505 20th Avenue
Queens NY 11356Curbside pickup
We bring the order out to you!
Your order45 items
“This is all the way out in College Point!” Olivia shrieked. “And 45 items, what is this person buying for, an army?”
“Is there a number? Maybe you can call and tell them they have the wrong phone number?” Amanda said.
Olivia scrolled to the bottom of the screen but there was no way to contact the store from within the confirmation window. She flipped over to her laptop and searched for that Target and found a phone number. She put her cell on speaker phone so Amanda could listen to the conversation too.
“We’re sorry,” an automated voice said across the line. “Our phone system is down. Please visit Target College Point and ask to speak with a customer service representative. Thank you.”
Olivia groaned.
“Guess you’re doomed to get Target confirmation texts until the end of time,” Amanda deadpanned.
Olivia looked at the clock. College point was 45 minutes out of her way, but if she left now she could go straighten this mess out and Lucy wouldn’t have to work too much overtime.
“Not if I can help it,” Olivia said, grabbing her blazer and her purse. “Ask Fin if he can hold everything down for the rest of the day. And you and Carisi are catching tonight.”
“What are you going to do?” Amanda asked.
“I guess I’m going to College Point to talk to Target customer service,” Olivia grumbled. “So please, don’t need me unless you really need me.”
Olivia called Lucy from the car to ask her if she could stay overtime with Noah. Then she had the rest of the ride to stew. She shouldn’t have to drive all the way out to Queens to get her phone number taken off of an obviously fake or mistyped form. It should have been a simple app command or a phone call but no . Just like in every aspect of her life, Olivia had to go out of her way to correct somebody else’s mistake.
Her blood was practically boiling by the time she pulled into the parking lot (not into a curbside spot) and marched through the automatic doors. As she looked from left to right to find the customer service desk, she heard a loud, angry voice that had to be an illusion.
“I’m telling you, I haven’t come to pick up any of my orders because I haven’t gotten notified that they’re ready,” a man yelled.
“And I’m telling you , sir, we have it right here on file that we’ve sent out the confirmation texts and you haven’t replied to any of them,” the clerk said, irritated.
“I haven’t replied to any of them because I haven’t gotten any,” the man said. “Now, I know that’s my order back there. I can see the items, so can I take it with me and you can triple-check your system next time that you’ve sent a confirmation link?”
No. There was no way.
The angry man had his back to her, but it couldn’t be. He had less hair than the last time she saw him, and somehow his ears looked even bigger from behind. But she’d recognize that ass and that angry tone anywhere.
“You have got to be kidding me,” Olivia said, not realizing the words actually came out of her mouth instead of staying in her head where they belonged.
The man in front of her in line whipped around and there it was.
She was staring at Elliot Stabler for the first time in six years, almost to the day.
“Liv,” he said, his voice low and breathy in a way it hadn’t been just a moment ago when he was tearing into the customer service rep.
Spam texts, a downed phone system, and a 45-minute drive, and now she was face-to-face with Elliot again and completely unprepared.
The universe hated her. That had to be the only explanation.
Another customer service rep came out of the back, picking that moment to ask Olivia if she needed help. It was the perfect distraction to walk away from whatever parallel universe time warp she just walked into.
Olivia brushed past Elliot and made her way up to the counter.
“Hi, yes, I tried to call earlier but your phone system is down,” Olivia said. “I’ve been getting texts for a few weeks about my Target order, but I haven’t ordered anything. I think you got my phone number by mistake.”
“I’m so sorry,” the clerk said. “What’s your number? I’ll look it up in the system.”
Olivia rattled off her cell number as the girl typed it into the computer.
“Oh, yes we do have an order for you,” the clerk said. “It’s 45 items, purchased by an Elliot Stabler? The order is right here. Captain Crunch, K cups, a bag of sugar, among other things.”
“No, I’m Elliot Stabler,” he said, stepping up behind her. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you for the last 20 minutes.”
“Well, you might be Elliot Stabler, but your order is listed under her phone number,” the clerk said.
Olivia felt her blood pressure ratchet up another few points.
“Were you pranking me?” Olivia asked, turning to him, venom dripping from her voice.
“What?” he said. “Of course…”
“You’ve been gone six years, didn’t answer one damn text or phone call and you prank me with grocery pickup ?” she said. “I had to leave the squad in Fin’s hands and call the nanny to stay overtime with my son to drive all the way out here to fucking Queens and talk to the manager all because you…”
“You have a son?” Elliot asked. “You’re in charge of the unit?”
“So not the point right now, Elliot,” she said.
“I didn’t prank you,” Elliot said. “I guess I just… put the wrong phone number in. I don’t know my own. Still have yours memorized though.”
“Have it memorized but never learned how to dial it,” she said.
She didn’t miss the way he winced at her comment. Good. Let him feel some pain.
“What, Kathy doesn’t do the shopping anymore?” Olivia asked, folding her arms across her chest.
“Kathy is on an extended honeymoon in Europe with her new husband,” Elliot said. “And Eli is at Maureen’s until I can get settled in my new place in Long Island City, which I’ve been trying to do but my order with everything I need keeps getting canceled.”
“Her second…” Olivia sputtered. “You’re divorced?”
“Coming up on four years,” Elliot said. “Just got back from working private security overseas. Took a job with the Department again. It’s a terrorism task force. You’re not going to believe this but Ed Tucker of all people recommended me for the job.”
That was going to be a phone call for later.
“If you’re in Long Island City, what in the hell are you doing all the way out here at the College Point Target?” she asked.
“It’s the only one nearby with a full grocery section,” Elliot said. “I can’t feed Eli takeout forever.”
Olivia raised a hand to rub her temple.
“Ma’am,” the desk clerk asked. “Are you going to take this order with you? Otherwise, we’re going to reshelve everything.”
Olivia peered over the counter to look at the items in the bags. It was mostly things she and Noah would eat, along with some other items she didn’t need but could use in her home.
“Sure. Do you need the confirmation code?” Olivia asked.
“I just have to scan the barcode,” the clerk said, holding up the barcode scanner so it could read the label on Olivia’s phone.
“Liv, those are my groceries,” Elliot said as the clerk wheeled the cart around the desk. “I paid for them.”
“Yeah, well I’m the one with the confirmation code,” Olivia said. “I guess you better get that information changed and pay better attention next time.”
There was so much more she wanted to say to him, so much more she wanted to learn. But now, with ice cream melting in the cart, wasn’t the place.
Instead, she accepted the cart from the clerk and said nothing else.
“Hey, Liv,” he called after her as she pushed the cart to the exit. “Who’s the guy?”
“Screw you, Elliot,” she called back over her shoulder. “Thanks for the free groceries.”
“I did buy Captain Crunch because it reminds me of you,” he called after her as she disappeared through the automatic doors.
As she loaded the groceries into the trunk of her SUV, Olivia thought that out of all the ways she imagined Elliot crash-landing back into her life, this situation didn’t even make the list.