Work Text:
"Gorgug."
Gorgug looked up from what he was tinkering. He was sitting and leaning against his house, taking comfort in the shade from the tree's leaves, sunlight dappling the ground in interesting ways.
Adaine was standing in front of him, sword in her hand and shuffling awkwardly in the grass before seeming to remember herself and planting her feet more solidly.
"Oh, hi Adaine," Gorgug greeted his friend, a smile coming to his face automatically, "I didn't know you were coming over."
"I called your parents beforehand; they said it was okay." She passed her sword from one hand to the other and pursed her lips. "You aren't busy are you? I can come back later if I'm interrupting something."
"Nope." He patted the grass next to him and put away his little device. "Not interrupting. It's nice to see you."
"It's nice to see you too." She sat down but didn't really get comfortable. Her posture ramrod straight which he knew was a sign she wanted to ask for a favor but was nervous about it.
"What's up?" Gorgug asked for her, leaning back on the tree in a way he hoped would encourage her to do the same. "Is there something you need?"
She nodded, a bit jerkily, and Gorgug patiently waited for her to steal herself before she eventually asked. "Can you... I'd like you to teach me how to be a barbarian. Please."
Gorgug blinked at her. That certainly explained the sword at least. "I thought Fabian was teaching you how to fight? Is that not going well?"
Adaine grimaced and shrugged but relaxed a bit more now that the question was out in the open. "No, it's fine, he's honestly a pretty good teacher. I just... I don't really want to be a fighter."
"I mean... you're still a wizard right?" Gorgug asked, confused on where the problem was, "gaining a level in Fighter isn't going to change the nine you have in wizadry."
She shook her head and leaned against his shoulder. "That's not what I mean. I know I'm not going to be a martial fighter at the end of this or anything. I want to learn how to use my sword. I just don't want to... fighting, at least the way Fabian teaches it, it's very... pirate. And elf. Quick, graceful movements, lots of forms and ideas and steps to memorize. It very much is like a dance, or a game, or a test even. It just... it's not how I want to sword fight."
"You want to fight... like a barbarian?"
"Yes!" She turned to him, her eyes almost shining as she stared up at him. "I don't want to use a sword to memorize more complex equations but for my body this time. I want to hit things! As hard as I can. In a righteous fury, preferably."
"So... rage?"
"So rage." She nodded, almost sagely. "I want to be a barbarian."
“Why are you asking me?” He tilted his head and shifted awkwardly. “There are barbarian classes at school. You could sit in on them like Fig does.”
Adaine grimaced. “There are many reasons. First is that I could never, uhg, skip my classes like Fig does.” She shivered like the thought itself sent ice down her back. “I also just don’t…” She trailed off, picking at the grass under them as she got her words in order. “I don’t want fighting to be another study session. Homework and notes and reading. I like all those things but they’re wizardry. Sword fighting and wizardy should be two completely different skills. For me. That’s what I want.”
Gorgug nodded, understanding that at least. He also didn't like his artificer skills to cross over with being a barbarian. "What about Ragh? He lives with you, you could have just asked him."
Adaine snorted and dumped the fistful of grass onto his lap. "I mean, I guess I could have asked Ragh. But he's more Fabian or Aelwyn's friend than mine. I want to learn from you, Gorgug." She stopped leaning on him and twisted around so she was facing him fully. "Though if you don't want to, I don't mean to pressure you. It's not really a big deal either way."
Gorgug laughed and mussed her hair in revenge for the grass stains on his clothes. "Of course I'll help. You've helped me with my homework more times than I can count. This is the least I could do to pay you back. I just, I dunno, I'm not sure I'll be a very good teacher."
Adaine stuck out her tongue at him. "You? The greatest wizard of our age? You'll do great."
"Okay," Gorgug agreed. He took a breath, imagining all his self doubt collecting in his lungs, and blew it out. "Let's get started."
***
"I know you said you don't want to get bogged down by forms and stuff," Gorgug said as he set up a few practice dummies in his backyard. Though they were more just upright hay bales with faces on them than anything else. His parents had wanted to construct whole robots for them but Adaine was slightly impatient and he didn't really want to start her off with a fight of any kind, mechanical or not. "But you know how to use the sword decently enough, right? I don't want you accidentally hurting yourself."
Adaine nodded as she swished her sword and watched him; it practically sang as it cut through the air. She had offered to help set up but even with her being so much stronger now the hay was heavy and it was easier for Gorgug to carry them into place than to have her drag them around. "I'm proficient in it, yes. Fabian taught me the basics before I got bored." She tilted her head at him and gave a lopsided grin as she held up her sparking fist. "Besides, I could just punch my enemies to death if the sword got in the way."
Gorgug shook his head as he placed the last hay bale. "You can't cast spells while you're raging, I don't think."
"Oh." Adaine's smile dropped and she shook out her hand. "Yes, you're correct. They're very separate skill sets."
Gorgug peered around the hay as he slapped a target on it. "You still want to do this?"
That caused her to shake her head hard and straighten her shoulders. "Of course. You've been fine having a spell casting level with your barbarian training."
"That's true." Gorgug finished his preparations and jogged over to her. "Okay, uh, let's get started then."
She nodded and held her sword in a grip Gorgug definitely recognized from watching Fabian. It probably had a name and everything. "Right. What should I do first?"
"Uh..." Gorgug tilted his head as he regarded her. If she already knew how to fight with the weapon enough... "Get mad."
Adaine blinked at him and wrinkled her nose. "I... well that's done so what's step two?"
Gorgug raised a brow at her. "Really? You're mad right now?"
"Yes, Gorgug," she said with an eye roll and a shrug that she used to adjust her grip again, "believe it or not I have a lot to be angry about. It's very easy. Doesn't mean I've ever raged before. That's not just regular anger a rage is the ferocity of a cornered predator, the unrelenting assault of a storm, the churning turmoil of the sea."
It was impossible to keep in his surprised smile. "Oh. You did read the barbarian textbook."
Adaine flushed and dropped her battle stance completely. "I may have glanced through it. It didn't give me much insight though, it seems to imply one should just be able to do it. Like sorcery. No study or training needed."
"That's true," Gorgug agreed with a nod, "at least from what I've seen. Fig tries to Rage every class and can never get the hang of it."
"What?" Adaine yelped, eyes going wide even as her shoulders dropped, "So this is all pointless? Why did you even agree and set all this up then?"
Gorgug's brow furrowed in confusion. "But you have raged before, Adaine. I saw it. At Ostentatia's house."
Despite being over a year ago now, Gogug remembered the moment quite vividly. On the roof, fighting Aelwyn, time frozen around them. Adaine had gotten a look in her eyes and Gorgug had recognized it instantly. The rage bubbling beneath the surface, consuming all rational thought and driving one only to fight.
And then she had punched her sister in the face and screamed so hard her face went red and that had pretty much confirmed it for him.
"That was a rage?" Adaine asked, eyes wide in disbelief, "I... I never would have guessed. It didn't feel like anything special."
"Well, I don't think rages feel like magic or anything," Gorgug said, trying to find the words to explain, "and they feel different, for a lot of people."
Adaine pressed her lips together in a thin line and hummed in thought.
Gorgug shifted awkwardly on his feet. "We don't have to do this if you don't want. I mean, there is a chance that could have just been a fluke. We might spend a lot of time for nothing."
"Maybe..." Adaine hummed before tilting her head up to lock eyes with him, "will I still get to hit things really hard?"
A laugh escaped him so quickly Gorgug managed to startle himself. "Yeah! Yeah, we'll definitely still do that."
Adaine's grin was sharp. "Then let's get to it."
***
"Swing harder!"
"I am swinging harder!"
"Put your whole body into it! You're beating it up not fencing with it."
"I am putting my body into it!"
"Get madder!"
"I. Am." Adaine hacked at the practice dummy over and over, hay being sent flying with every wack of her sword. "Incredibly. Mad!" She rammed the blade right through the target and left it there, taking a step back and breathing hard.
Gorgug bit his lip and approached her. "Did you feel anything different that time?"
"I feel like an idiot," Adaine grumbled, wrenching her sword out, "it's been a week and I haven't gotten anywhere closer to raging. I just keep destroying innocent hay bales."
"Well," Gorgug scratched his head, trying to think of solutions. This wasn't really his forte, teaching and problem solving and all that. But he also didn't want to quit, and he didn't want Adaine to feel like she should quit either. He knew she had some Rage in her. They just had to unlock it... somehow. "What were you thinking about? To get you angry?"
Adaine shrugged and wiped the sword on her jacket, despite that there wasn't much to wipe off. "My mother. Changed it up from my father, since she's still alive. Theoretically." She stabbed the sword into the ground and stared at it a moment, as if it had personally offended her. "Thought that might help. Thinking of someone I could still kill."
Gorgug could only nod. It was unfortunate part of learning to be a barbarian, trying to hone in on things that upset you. He thought about what she said as he joined her in staring at her sword and the hacked up hay bale behind it. "Maybe... that's the problem?"
This prompted her to turn to him for the first time in a good fifteen minutes. "What is? My mother?"
"No, no, that you're not actually fighting anyone." Gorgug slipped his ax out of its holster and stepped back, raising the weapon in preparation. "I thought it'd be good to start you on something that couldn't get hurt or hurt you until you could control a rage but that probably wasn't smart. Sorry. Usually I go into rages when I'm mid battle."
Adaine raised a brow but grabbed her sword from the ground and also went into a battle stance. "Are you challenging me to a fight, Gorgug?"
"Yep, no spells though. You definitely won't rage if you're relying on magic."
Adaine huffed but in a good natured- purposefully bratty- way. "That's going to give you a massive advantage."
"I'll go easy on you," Gorgug promised, "and I won't rage."
But Adaine shook her head. "You should rage. Show me how it's done. And if this is trying to... jump start my own rage or something it'd be better if there was at least the idea of danger."
Gorgug hesitated. He didn't want to rage at his friend. That would require getting mad at something about her. Or at least in the vicinity of her. And even though he was very good at controlling his rages there was still the chance something could go wrong.
But Adaine surged ahead before he could voice any of those thoughts, sword flashing and he had to quickly raise his ax to block it. "Don't think too long. What have you been telling me? It's an emotion, not a logic puzzle?"
Gorgug huffed and jumped back away from another swing. Okay. Okay, if she wanted to do it this way he could play along. Instead of letting the feelings go like he had been learning in anger management class he let them build up. His irritation at her starting before he was ready, his frustration that she hadn't been making much progress, even his worries and self hatred that he simply wasn't good enough to help her. He let them all build and build and build.
He would like to rage.
Gorgug yelled out a battle cry and swung at Adaine's sword arm. She managed to use her blade and his own momentum to throw off his aim and skittered away from the attack, laughing the whole time. "Yes! There you go, Gorgug. Get angry."
"Stop having fun!" He bellowed at her as her sword cut a shallow line across his ribs, "you're supposed to be getting mad!"
"I am mad," she protested, his axe clipping her nondominant shoulder, "I'm constantly angry. There are many many things for me to get mad about."
"No there isn't. Those things are in the past. You're angry about the past." Gorgug kicked her in the shin and Adaine yelped and stumbled back. "You're always angry about the past. Never about the things right in front of you."
Adaine stepped back more instead of swinging at him and muttered, "what is this, a therapy session?"
"Yes!" Gorgug cried, rushing her. She raised her sword to block his ax but he didn't swing. Instead he slugged her in her already hurt shoulder. "You raged with Aelwyn because she was right in front of you and you were concentrating on that for once. Ignore what was bad before. Focus on what's pissing you off right now!"
She swung at him again but it was sloppy and he was easily able to bat it away. "But nothing's wrong right now! My life is the best it's ever been. There's nothing immediate that deserves my anger."
"Bullshit." Gorgug recklessly attacked, swinging wildly and slicing her a few more times. "There's always something to be mad at. What is it? Find it!"
"I..." Adaine heisted as his words sunk in and Gorgug took the opportunity to punch her in the face. Her head snapped back and when she orientated herself there was blood on her face and just the barest flicker in her narrowed eyes. "I'm mad that you just did that!"
"Good." Gorgug went for the same move and she sliced at his hand before moving away again. "What else? Look for more!"
"I'm upset that I haven't been able to figure this barbarian thing out." She swung again and it even hurt through the rage this time. "I'm annoyed that everyone just thinks of me as the bookworm or the squishy wizard. Fabian laughed when I told him I was going to do this."
"Let those emotions come together," Gorgug continued to instruct even as he fought with all his might, "let them build. Add to each other. What are you furious at?"
"I'm furious at myself because no matter what I try it's like I'll never. Be. Good enough !" She screamed at the end of that, the same kind of scream she did at Aelwyn all that time ago, and started throwing herself at him with reckless abandon, no concern for her own safety left.
Gorgug let himself drop his own Rage, bringing his senses back to clarity and pivoted so Adaine was aimed at a still standing hay bale. "Get the target, Adaine! Mess it up. You're doing it!"
Thankfully, she wasn't so far gone as to focus only on him. She changed targets and went to town on it. He thought she had been brutal with it before but now she was ripping into it with such reckless abandon it was almost mesmerizing to watch.
Even though Gorgug had backed up a good deal from her fury he could still see her eyes. After a minute she began to slow down her rampage and the flicker in her gaze he knew was the rage died out.
"Adaine?" Gorgug called cautiously when he was certain she was back to her senses, "How'd that feel? You okay?"
She panted, her shoulders heaving as she stood over the destroyed practice dummy in front of her. Gorgug gently reached out and tapped her. As if he had cut strings holding her up with that Adaine sunk to her knees, her sword embedded into the ground in front of her.
“I…did…it…” Adaine gasped, leaning heavily on her sword, her arms trembling.
“Yeah, you did,” Gorgug said, patting her back, “that was really good! You totally wrecked that scarecrow.”
Adaine didn’t answer. She doubled over, grip on her sword the only thing keeping her up, labored breaths desperately sucking in air.
Uh oh. Gorgug hurriedly knelt next to her, keeping his hand on her back as he ducked to take a look at her face.
Her eyes were wide open, pupils small as she stared at nothing. Sweat dripped off her forehead and blood from her nose that she didn’t bother wiping away- knuckles white around the sword hilt- and it wasn’t just her arms that were trembling.
She had slipped right out of the rage and into a panic attack.
“It’s okay,” Gorgug tried to sooth, gently prying her hands free and pulling her into an embrace, “it’s kinda scary, huh? All those big emotions get intense. It’s like you’re not even in control of yourself.”
Adaine turned so her forehead was pressed into his chest and gripped his hoodie like he was going to disappear if she didn’t hang on. Gorgug kept one hand on her back and placed the other on her head as he gently rocked both of them.
Even though this wasn’t good for her-and his sweatshirt was definitly getting bloodied- Gorgug couldn’t help but be glad she trusted him enough to take comfort from him. Back in their first few weeks of highschool he had stumbled upon her having an attack and could do nothing but watch her struggle through it. She had flinched away from his presence, frightened of him in her vulnerability.
But now she practically snuggled into his lap, pressing so hard into the hug it was like she was trying to merge the two of them.
It was nice, was all, to be wanted and trusted.
It only took a few moments before he felt her shoulders relax under his hand and her breathing slow to more manageable levels.
“Oh,” she mumbled as she pulled back from his hoodie, voice sticky, “that was… that was a lot. I wasn’t… wow.”
“You okay?” Gorgug asked, leaning back on his hands and giving her as much space as he could with her still on his lap. “Sorry, I didn’t know it would… I should have prepared better.”
“No no,” Adaine said quickly, wiping her face on the back of her sleeve, “you told me rages were overwhelming. I should have figured it might trigger an attack. I just haven’t had one in a while. I didn’t think about it.”
“Me neither,” Gorgug confessed, “uh, good news is you successfully went into a rage? Congratulations.”
She snorted. “Yay. I managed to get stronger for all of ten seconds.” She picked at his sweatshirt for a moment before speaking more quietly. “Is it… always like that? For you?”
“Like what?” Gorgug asked sincerely. He wasn’t exactly sure what the rage had felt like for her. It seemed to be a bit different for everyone and might not have mixed well with her panic disorder.
Adaine shuddered and swallowed thickly. "Overwhelming. Does it always feel like it just... takes over?"
Gorgug thought about this for a long few seconds before finally just shrugging as best he could. "A little. It definitely did at first, before the anger management. Kinda feels like you get pumped full of energy that has to be released no matter what."
Adaine nodded. "It was tunnel vision, like the only thing in the world that mattered was getting the next hit." She laughed softly and shook her head. "I can see why you can't do spells now. I'd be surprised if I could remember basic addition like that."
"Now you see why I'm so dumb," Gorgug joked.
It didn't go over well and he probably should have expected that. Adaine frowned softly and snuggled back into his chest, ear pressed against his heartbeat. "I never realized how hard it must be for you. To be raging all the time. To constantly have to look for things to get upset about."
Gorgug felt his breath catch, for a moment, before he let it out and placed a hand on her head. "It does get kinda scary sometimes. Lonely too."
"Thank you," she said, grabbing his other hand and squeezing it tight, "for doing that for us."
"Yeah," Gorgug smiled, a happy little glow warming him up inside, "anything for you guys. Do you, um... was that too much? Or do you want to..." He wouldn't admit it, didn't want to pressure her to continue, but he liked the idea of having someone in the party who knew what he was going through. Ragh was great and Zelda was amazing but the idea that one of his friends really got him... he was liking the thought more and more.
Adaine climbed off of him and stuck out her hand. She had blood on her face and her hair was a wild mess. A few places her clothing was ripped from his ax but she didn't take the moment to Mend them. She looked awesome. "Let's go again. If you still want to teach me."
He took her hand and let her haul him up, she really had gotten so much stronger.