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Your Mother used to say that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.
It's dark and you aren't sure what hits the ground first: the bloodied knife that Clarke held or Spacewalker's body.
Raven crumples into a wailing mess in your arms. Clarke steps back, away from the corpse, and turns towards you, your eyes meeting. Her mouth is open but nothing comes out.
"I don't understand" you'd told your mother as she held a rag against a crying baby Octavia's mouth to muffle her wails.
"Consequences" your mother had said in a grave, tired voice. "Everything has a consequence."
---
You bury Spacewalker (who you find you can't call Finn just yet because your throat constricts on the simple syllables) with the help of Murphy, Raven, and a few other of the freed 100.
You all dig in a stony silence, the grave going deeper than necessary.
You don't allow any adult to touch the body.
---
You still haven't slept. There is dirt embedded under your fingernails and you are exhausted. The sun is coming up and Spacewalker has only been dead for a few hours and buried for even less.
You close your eyes briefly and all you see is Clarke's blue eyes and the brief flash of doubt you think you saw in them. You open your eyes and think of Atom instead.
---
You watch Clarke stay unnervingly still as Raven rears back a curled fist and connects solidly with Clarke's torso. You watch Raven do it again.
And again.
And the only words Clarke has said up to this point are "No, don't stop her"
Then it's just quiet again with only the sound of Raven's swings and sobs breaking the silence.
Clarke's face is a bloody mess and Raven grabs her shirt, pulling her close in a parody of an embrace to scream if she has nothing to say for herself.
"It would have been worse if we'd let them take him"
Raven's fist drops.
Octavia pulls Raven away and barks at you to grab Clarke.
She doesn't protest when you loop an arm around her waist. She leans against you and slowly puts her arm on your shoulder for support.
---
Clarke won't let her mother fix her up or even see her so she's in your tent while you clumsily ask for the medical supplies whose use she makes look effortless; you pretend you don't feel her mother glaring at your retreating back.
When you come back in, she's taken off her bloodied shirt and you aren't sure if you should be gawking because it's the first time you've seen your co-leader shirtless or because right where her black bra ends a vicious blue-black bruise is blooming and extending down her left side.
You hold her face firmly with one hand and with the other you swipe alcohol swabs, watching blood give way to her tanned skin. You once again mention how her mother is far more suited for the task at hand.
She is still not wearing a shirt and you are still trying your hardest not to notice. You briefly think it's a sight that Spacewalker will never see again and you aren't sure whether to laugh or cry at how incredibly screwed up you are.
She hisses as you delicately clean the broken skin on her cheek and you notice that her bottom lip is split. You mumble your apologies.
"Think I'm done" you say quietly.
"What now?" she asks and you don't have an answer.
---
You let her sleep in your tent because she asks if she can and given the current circumstances you find yourself too tired to contemplate any answer other than yes. As you gather a few things to sleep somewhere else she says you can stay and then adds that you should stay as if correcting herself.
You halve your stash of blankets and you rifle through your meager collection of spare shirts to hand her the one with the least holes. You try not to watch her slip it on and mostly fail.
You don't lie yourself: the only reason you stay up awhile longer listening to her breathing is to make sure she doesn't stop.
---
Clarke takes to sleeping in your tent, showing up late at night with shrug and her blanket wrapped around her shoulders. You get used to sleeping with less blankets and on the ground.
You both throw yourselves into the mission of rescuing the 47 left in Mount Weather.
She barely eats so you eat less during mealtimes and in your tent at night while you talk about the plan, you hand over your rations and watch with secret satisfaction as she absentmindedly eats every bite.
---
Almost a month after Spacewalker's death, you rescue the 47. Next to you, as you are all running breathless back to Camp Jaha, you look over and she looks to be almost on the verge of a smile. Behind you, Mount Weather burns in spectacular shades of red and orange.
But as soon as you arrive at camp, you watch her quietly, subtly fall apart in a manner you're sure you would have missed if you hadn't spent the last month living in the same quarters
She looks small and lost amid the celebrations for the returned; unsure how to handle the happy affections from those she's helped rescue.
You step towards her but for the fourth time in an hour Jasper launches himself drunkenly into your arms to once again reassure you that he knew that you and Clarke would come for them. When, with Monty's help, you disentangle him, you no longer see Clarke among the crowd.
---
You find her hiding in your tent with a bag slung over her shoulders, holding her half-folded blanket.
"What are you doing?" you ask even though it's a dumb question because you know exactly what she's doing and asking stupid questions may not be the best way to stop her.
"I'm leaving" she says with a small shrug "There's nothing left for me here."
You want to yell at her, shake her until she sees the 47 kids who consider her their savior or the peace her terrible decision bought the survivors of the Ark.
But instead of yelling you place your hand on her shoulder, "I'll come with you"
You think she looks relieved.
---
You convince her to wait until the morning and at least tell her Mother and Kane the news rather just leaving a hastily scrawled note as she had planned. Not ask, you point out again, just tell.
But then her Mother starts crying as soon as Clarke's done talking and Kane does nothing but point out the flaws in the plan and Clarke is quiet and resigned.
So you slam your fist into the table and repeat very slowly that you and Clarke are leaving for the ocean to find camp for whoever from the 100 wish to follow.
You say it again, "We are leaving."
It's almost surprising how easily you slip back into your old role of antagonist.
---
You leave Clarke to say her goodbyes and go searching for your sister and unsurprisingly find her milling outside your tent with Lincoln in tow.
Judging by her wide eyes, Abbey and Kane weren't the only one's who heard your plan.
Octavia holds your hand like she did when she was little and afraid while Lincoln draws you many maps and makes you repeat the names and proper greetings for a few dozen tribes.
You are still practicing pronunciations when Raven finds you and stares at you with a sort of grim determination before she says "You have to take care of her okay?"
She fidgets, "Don't let her run into a grounder arrow or anything"
You nod and she turns, looking back only when you call after her, "If we find a place for camp, will you come?"
She almost smiles, "Maybe".
---
The first week in your journey is awkwardly quiet as you figure out your new routine like how close you are supposed to sleep next to one another (answer: close enough that she can grab your arm if she hears something in the middle of the night but not close enough that a wayward roll lands you on her) or who disappears to pee first (spoiler alert: the answer is her, it's always her).
But then you make it to the first hurdle of your trip that Lincoln mentioned: the river. This part of the river makes where the 100 used to bathe and collect drinking water look like a measly creek. In fact, you are pretty sure that it was a creek and you were all so new to Earth that it looked like a mighty river.
"Wow" Clarke says and you almost can't hear her over how loud it all is. But her eyes are wide and the corner of her lip is turned up and it feels like the first step towards something.
You find the shallow path Lincoln pointed out and make your way across. The hem of her pants are wet you notice as you both sit on the banks and ring out wet socks. You tell her that it would be best to set up camp.
Instead of sleeping, you both lay on the river rocks and stare at the stars. You point out constellations as she stays silent.
---
After a month, you happen across the one of the tribes Lincoln mentioned and by happen you mean that they drop out of the goddammned trees pointing especially sharp looking spears your way. You stay close to Clarke as you repeat one of the words he taught you.
The woman of the scouting group barks the word back to the other men and they lower their weapons and stare at you pityingly.
The woman smiles at you, "We will feed you tonight, and send you on your way tomorrow."
"What did you say to them?" Clarke whispers at you as you as you trudge behind the group.
You shrug "Not really sure? Lincoln just said to be sure to tell them that."
You conveniently leave out the part where he mentioned that it is a phrase that will ensure that you two aren't separated.
"Even if they kill you" Lincoln had said, "They'll kill you together"
Over a roasted dinner she manages to charm them all, even helps mix up some medicines for a minor cough going around the tribe. You can see that they are all enamored and before the end of the night you are presented with more supplies to keep you going awhile longer.
The woman who lead you to her tribe takes you on the short trek back to the path she found you on and grasps Clarke's hands, "If what you seek is not at the ocean, we would be honored to help you find it here"
Clarke nods solemnly and without another word the woman slips back into the trees. She stands there a moment longer than you would have expected.
"Did you want to stay there?" you can't help but ask
She looks at you as if you are crazy and sighs "We should stop here on our way back"
---
It takes two more months and four more tribes before you figure out what exactly that word that Lincoln gave you means.
You are in the southern territories by this point; whatever winter weather you left behind at Camp Jaha has been traded in for humid heat. Clarke has abandoned her long sleeved jacket in favor for one of the black sleeveless tops given to her by the third tribe they found (an exchange for helping out with a birth).
The dialect has changed as well. The languages are more melodic and slightly easier to understand compared to your native tongue. Clarke thinks it must be a bastardized mix of Spanish, Portuguese, and French. Regardless, you prefer it over the barked shouts you got used to in the North.
She's smiled a few times, the first time was when you both saw a palm tree and marveled over your shared absurd happiness over seeing something new.
The fourth tribe is as kind as the rest have been and give that same knowing smile when you say the word, slowly pronouncing the p and taking special care to roll the r's.
You find yourself in of the biggest villages you have ever seen surrounded by kind people who want nothing more than to feed both of you and ask you questions about space and the North. Even the name of the tribe sounds kinder- the Ocean Tribe.
It is dark when the feast starts and with it comes plates full of foods you've never seen before. There is music and laughter and you can't help but wonder how different life could have been if you had just landed here instead.
"Too skinny" a tall tanned woman declares with a beautiful smile as she passes another plate of fruit towards Clarke, "How can you hope to have a child when you are so skinny?"
The jab is good-natured but you both almost choke on your food. The woman, Estella you hear another laughing woman call her, turns towards you "And you! How did you let your woman get so skinny?!"
Now you are definitely choking.
In the tent they provide you with that night, Clarke dissolves into laughter the moment you are in there alone.
"They think we're together" she gasps between howls, "Pareja, it means couple Bellamy. That's 4 tribes who think we're together. No wonder they were all so desperate to feed us, they must think we're some sort of runaway lovers"
If you weren't so busy gawking over the fact that this is the first time in 3 months you've truly heard her laugh, you think you'd be bothered over how funny she finds the idea of you two together.
As a form of protest, you tell her you won't be sleeping on the ground and make her scoot over on the cot.
She giggles a little more before finally drifting off to sleep next to you. You can feel the heat coming off her skin. You don't sleep much that night.
---
The next day you are both awake early, determined to see the ocean as soon as possible, having learned you are less than a day away from your destination. But instead of being content to wave you off with some extra food, the tribe has prepared another feast.
It turns out the woman from last night who had teased you about letting Clarke get so skinny is the wife of the tribe leader, and her smile is just as consipratory as it was last night.
Over breakfast she tells the tale of once being betrothed to another chieftain, a much older man from a large northern tribe. But her heart already belonged to the youngest son on a southern chief who, for her, fought his way into becoming his father's successor and stole her away in the middle of the night, risking an all out war with the North.
The war was avoided by a duel between the two men that ended with the Northern chieftain dead and Estella's husband, Nestor, blinded in one eye. The matter was considered settled as the North decided a wounded heart wasn't worth any more dead warriors.
You see the smallest flicker of guilt on Estella's face as she finishes her story and how she tries to mask the sadness in her voice. The chief's stoic face melts away, replaced by a tenderness you aren't used to seeing, and you notice him discreetly take his wife's hand in his own and says
"A sacrifice that I've always felt was welt worth the prize"
Before you leave, the couple takes you aside and makes an offer for the 100 to ally with them. Promising them a spot near the tribe where they could establish themselves in return for Clarke's healing and whatever tech that could help make life easier.
You thank them profusely and promise an answer by the time you return from the ocean.
"Let's talk about it after" is all Clarke tells you.
----
The ocean is vast and wild, exhilarating and somewhat terrifying. You understand now why the last village had teased that people from the North had been known to faint at the sight of it.
You heard the waves long before you and Clarke climbed one last sandy dune to see it there. Now you're both just standing awestruck in the sand. The pictures you saw of the ocean were faded after a hundred years worth of students going through the same text books. But they never capture the sheer size of it all, how it seems to go on forever. Space had made you feel lonely but the ocean just makes you feel small.
Next to you, Clarke takes a deep breath, "I'll race you"
Before you can even process the challenge, she's taken off, kicking up small sand clouds in her wake.
So you do what it seems you always do when it comes to her- you give chase.
You see her reach the shoreline, hesitate briefly before glancing back at you as you shorten the distance. With another smile, she runs straight into the water. You follow until you are both up to your waists in warm water.
She is laughing and smiling, soaking wet and slapping water at you. So you grab her arm, intent on dunking her as a joke but instead you look at her, really look at her, and realize how close you are and how, no matter how hard you try to deny it, she really is beautiful.
Spacewalker has been dead for 4 months.
And you kiss her.
And she lets you.
----
"Am I a monster?" she asks you in the after.
The sun is setting and the colors of the sky remind you of Mount Weather burning. She is wearing your shirt and you like how it looks on her, like the implied intimacy of her wearing something of yours.
"If you are" you tell her, "I'll be one with you"
---
You stay at the ocean for a week and you don't make another move towards her nor do you mention sleeping together. But on the last night as you are both sitting next to your small fire, she reaches out for you, tangling her hand in your shirt and pulling your close for a kiss.
"Just one more time, ok?"
You know you should probably stop it- save her from her obvious guilt and protect whatever is left of your feelings. But she is warm and soft and you are in love.
Consequences, as your mother would say.
---
You both decide that it'll be best to take the last tribe's offer- the decision is really the only thing you talk about on the trek back to Camp Jaha. Mostly it's three months of quiet walking.
You want to kiss her again, but you don't even touch her.
---
The 100 are waiting for you at the gates of Camp Jaha, but Clarke's mother is the first to come running out and wraps her arms around her daughter.
"I'm so happy you're back" she says
Clarke sighs and disentangles herself, "Don't get too used to it."
You have to bite your tongue to keep from laughing.
---
A couple of the 100 decide to stay at Camp Jaha, mostly those who had a parents or family member survive the descent. You can't blame them, it's not like you and Clarke extended the invitation to the rest. So far Lincoln and Wick have been your only exceptions (the latter being made when with a shrug Raven had said she'd rather not leave him behind).
Clarke has avoided you since your return but you distract yourself by preparing and arguing with Kane about what you should be allowed to take.
Finally after two weeks, Clarke comes to your tent and asks you're ready to leave. The relief on you face must be so evident that she smiles at you and says, "Me too"
---
The journey is slower than expected, in part because Clarke insists stopping to check on each of the tribes that helped you on the first trip.
You lose Monroe to the first tribe, the people of the trees. The group spends a week there and you spy Monroe talking to a tall young man who with a shy smile takes her on a tour of the camp- after that they are pretty much inseparable. The day before you are set to leave, she sits you and Clarke down to explain that while she's loves the 100 very much, she doesn't think she can continue on with the group. You remember that Monroe was under the mountain and you don't blame her.
Before you leave, you corner the young man and make him promise to take care of her and bring her to the ocean if ever she changes her mind. He looks vaguely terrified and you can't help but smile as you tell him that it's all part of loving someone.
The same thing happens a couple of more times before you reach the last tribe, and it's mostly the kids that were trapped in Mount Weather who chose to stay with the kind tribes that housed you and Clarke on your first trip.
Each time, you glance back at the ones staying as the group walks away and the looks they give you are always the same- happy, nervous smiles and eyes glassy with tears but full of determination.
And you are jealous of them.
---
You have spent a little over a year walking- between your round trip and now this final trek. The year before that you spent trying to survive literally being dropped from space. You have killed and come frighteningly close to dying yourself. Someone you had begrudgingly come to consider a friend is dead and the girl you love just so happens to be- have been- the love of his life. He has been dead a year and you still have trouble putting his actions in the past tense
You are tired.
So when you see the clearing that the Ocean Tribe have offered the 100 in exchange for help, you come embarrassingly close to crying
Others do after the word 'home' gets passed around and for the briefest moment you see the same wild joy you all had when you were first dropped on the planet.
When you make the short trek to show everyone the ocean Jasper faints at the sight- much to the amusement of the Ocean Tribe guide.
---
Setting up a new permanent camp has the fortunate side effect of leaving little thought for anything that isn't related to the wellbeing of the group. You tell yourself you haven't noticed Castor, the guy from the Ocean Tribe, hanging around Clarke, and how she smiles a little more easily in his presence.
You occupy yourself with the construction of sturdy huts, defining patrol routes, and learning to fish. You certainly don't notice him bring her herbs and flowers, really pretty flowers that you are almost positive have no medical use.
You keep your conversations with Clarke short and when you catch Larkin, one of the women you slept with in the early days, giving you a familiar grin you are tempted to give into what you remember.
Instead you filch a small batch of moonshine and spend one evening a little drunk, wondering how long it would take you to walk back to Camp Jaha alone.
---
"Bellamy?"
You open your eyes, the world slowly coming into focus, to find Clarke in your tent at, judging by the soft light seeping in through the planks of you hut, dawn.
"What's wrong?" you mumble automatically, already reaching distractedly for a discarded shirt on the floor.
She shakes her head, "Nothing. Couldn't sleep."
She grabs the shirt you were feeling for and sits next to you on the bed. Her hair is down, a look you haven't seen her sport in months, and she stares at you uncertainly before leaning over to close the short distance between you with a kiss.
Instinct takes over and you automatically pull her closer so that you can feel the material of her thin shirt against your skin and you have missed her in ways that you've managed to ignore until right now.
But, in a moment of odd clarity, you realize that if you go through with this you'll just have to learn to ignore those feelings all over again
"No" you say pulling away and your voice sounds strange in your own ears.
You can tell she's confused and maybe a little hurt, but she hasn't moved away from you.
"Will Larkin get mad?" she asks in a mocking voice
"What are you talking about? Why would Larkin get mad?"
She doesn't answer you this time and it takes your still muddled mind a moment to piece together the meaning of her words. When you do, you can't help but blurt out "I'm not sleeping with Larkin. I'm not sleeping with anyone. Is that why you're here?"
She looks at you strangely before turning away completely and saying in a quiet voice, "Are you leaving?"
"What?" is all you can think to respond and she looks at you again.
"We're afraid of losing you Bellamy. I saw how you looked at Monroe and Pol and every one who decided to stay with the other tribes. More than one person has asked how long you plan on staying."
Now you are angry, a growing rage you haven't felt since you called her princess and meant it as an insult. "So the master plan was to throw me a bone and sleep with me so I'd stay longer? My responsibilities and duties are to the group Clarke, I didn't do all this for the off chance of sleeping with you."
She recoils from you and, in a sick way, you enjoy it.
"Get out" you tell her and she stands swiftly and silently. She doesn't even look back at you.
---
You avoid each other. It isn't particularly hard when you are trying to establish a camp and your patron village requests she spend a few days teaching them updated medical techniques.
She's gone for a week and it's nice to be able to walk around camp without listening for her voice. Larkin starts looking for you even more, always using a random question to start a conversation. After one such interaction happens in front of your sister, Octavia just sighs and gives you a funny look.
"You should tell her you're not interested"
You've never been particularly comfortable sharing details of your love life with your sister but you can't help but retort "What makes you think I'm not interested?"
She looks at you as if you are an idiot, "She's been throwing herself at your for weeks. If you'd wanted to, you would have already. You aren't one for the subtle chase big brother"
There are moments you forget your little sisters isn't a child hiding underneath floorboards anymore.
She grins as if she already knows your secret.
You really hate those moments.
---
You welcome Clarke back to camp on your way out of it. You spend her first day back at the ocean telling yourself you mean to catch fish when all you do is spend hours swimming in pointless circles. You think it might be a metaphor.
When you make the trek back after the sun has set, she's sitting by the fire next to Octavia. Her smile looks forced and you hold up the string of fish as an excuse, "Gonna go drop these off"
You decide you can deal with this new normal of yours. You'll speak to her but no more than necessary and you start dragging a very confused Jasper into meetings with Clarke under the guise of grooming him into your eventual successor. It's awkward but it works well enough that you aren't bothered by it.
At night, alone in your hut, you start earnestly planning your evacuation route.
---
Mid-summer the Ocean Tribe graciously extends an invitation to their summer solstice feast and the camp is soon buzzing with preparations for the longest day and a feast that last until the sunrise the following morning.
Soon you start noticing grimy clothing being washed and record numbers of hack-job haircuts. One of the younger boys even asks you to teach him how to shave. Each time you see your sister, she's braiding another random girl's hair.
You pick out your cleanest white shirts that's more of a sad beige now and the pair of pants you saved from the raid on Mount Weather all while telling yourself you aren't getting dressed up for any particular reason. Lying to yourself doesn't stop you from trying to tame your unruly hair into something presentable.
Around midday, the 100 gather at the camp's gates and you look at the cleaned up group with a twinge of pride (and slight concern at the sight so many new crop tops).
Clarke comes up next to you, wearing the black top she got during your first trip with her blond hair curling down past her shoulders, "They clean up nicely don't they?"
You afford her a small smile, "We should get going"
It's almost normal and almost enough.
Almost.
---
The Ocean Tribe's feast is already underway when you arrive and there are kind cheers when you and your group are spotted. Immediately platters of food are produced and the drum music gets louder as you are all pulled into the fray. It's only a few hours past midday but there is wine flowing freely.
You spend a good portion of your time removed from the crowd chatting with the hunters you've come to consider friends while keeping a watchful eye on those dancing and drinking. Children from the Ocean Tribe stare slyly at you and yours, a few brave enough to ask questions about what it was like to literally drop from the sky.
You try not to look for Clarke but it's hard because her blonde hair is bright in the setting sun and, once again, Castor is near her. You try your best not to look.
Trying is something you've grown tired of.
You are summoned by the chief, Nestor, to sit at his side during a highly choreographed celebration dance. Before you are even settled, you are handed a cup of clear liquid which the chief explains briefly as "Sugar cane liquor. Not as sweet as one would expect"
It burns all the way down but you don't grimace. Nestor laughs and it is the first time you realize that he may not be that much older than you.
"I knew you would't flinch"
There is more sugar cane liquor as you and Nestor talk of nothing in particular as the night wears on.
"Does it not bother you?" the Chief asks gesturing out into the crowd. You look at him confused and he elaborates, "Your woman seems to spend more of her days with Castor than with you."
You follow his still outstretched hand to see Clarke standing with Castor surrounded by giggling Ocean Tribe children.
"She isn't my woman"
Nestor pauses with his cup half way to his lips
"You know what has been my favorite thing about our alliance with the sky people?"
The Chief hands you your cup once again refilled with a wicked grin, "Seeing how your people love to overcomplicate what should be simple"
---
"Well this is a sight" Estella says looking between you and her husband with a laugh, "If you keep this up, I'll have to send you both to sleep before dawn"
You stand and she gracefully glides into the spot next to her husband, "Go find your family Sky-boy, it's almost time for the sunrise."
With a nod and a smile you turn to walk away only for Nestor to call after you "And don't complicate it this time."
You are still chuckling as you weave through the crowd. As the sunrise approaches, you notice the Ocean Tribe clustering into small groups that look like families or couples huddled together holding hands and staring upwards.
Your group seems that have gotten the gist of the ceremony and you see similar groups. You see your sister sitting with Lincoln and don't have the heart to crash their moment; even Larkin in sidled up to Ocean Tribe man.
So you find a spot a little removed and stretch out on your back to stare at the inky black sky.
"What are you doing all the way over here?"
Clarke and her blonde hair block out the sky and she looks at you confused before sighing and sitting next to you.
Neither of you speak for the longest time and when you sneak a glance at her, she is sitting with her legs crossed and looking upwards.
You are thinking of the first time you both saw the ocean, of how she smiled. You are thinking of playing in the water and grabbing her wrist and marveling how small it felt right before you kissed her. You are remembering how she felt writhing and panting beneath you, her hands locked behind your neck as you moved together.
"Sun will be up soon" is all you can manage to say.
You are silent again until she says firmly "I'm sorry about what happened a few weeks ago. And if you do want to leave, I understand."
Before you can say anything, she meets your eyes "But I don't want you to leave."
You scramble into a sitting position as she adds "And not because you're my co-leader- I could probably run the camp without you. I want you to stay because…."
Her voice trails off and she doesn't sound as confident as she did when she started. But she takes a deep breath, "Because I like you Bellamy. And I want you stay with me."
When you can't think of a proper response she gives a little half smile, "That's probably what I should have said that night. I mean if you were going to hate me, I may as well given you a real reason"
Your mouth does this thing where it starts talking before you brain can process what's going to come out, "Why would I have hated you for that?"
Clarke sighs and wraps her arms around herself, "I threw myself at you when we got to the ocean and then we didn't talk about it. No matter what you say Bellamy, I'm the monster here."
You reach out without really thinking about it, to run your fingers through her hair until your hand is curved around the back of her head, "I kissed you first, don't you remember Princess? I said I'd be one with you"
You kiss her and feel the world light up behind your closed eyes.
---
It is in the morning when your mother's words about consequences come back to you. On the rare morning that you manage to get out of bed without waking Clarke, you spend a moment watching her sleep, wearing your clothes and wrapped up in blankets that now belong to the two of you.
You aren't ignorant of your situation. You admit, even if only to yourself, that your current happiness is perhaps the result of the terrible decision Clarke made. You force yourself to think about Finn, to say his name and apologize to him, even though you know his death wasn't your fault; Raven told you once that she doesn't think he'd begrudge either one of you of your current happiness.
But then Clarke will stir and sometimes wake, smiling at you blearily and mumbling her good mornings and you think of consequences as opposite and equal reactions. You think of the smile on your mother's face when she'd look at your sister.
And then you tell Clarke that you love her.