Chapter Text
“Dorian, you simply cannot continue to put off these appearances.”
Josephine’s voice sounded tinny, as if she had him on speaker which set Dorian on edge as he demanded, “Who else is there with you?”
“Oh for…” Josie sighed, but a moment later she began again and this time her voice was clear. “There is no one here. Far be it from me to try and complete some paperwork while I spoke with you.”
“You know how I feel about…”
“Yes yes, forgive me,” Josie muttered, Dorian didn’t need to be in the room with her to know that she would be rolling her eyes. “Now, don’t think you’re going to distract me. The lecture in Val Royeaux is critical Dorian, you simply have to be there.”
“I’m not asking you to cancel it Josephine, simply reschedule…”
“We have rescheduled twice already Dorian,” Josephine snapped, an exasperated huff reaching his ears only a moment before he heard her draw in a deep breath. When she started speaking again her voice was measured, as if it was taking every ounce of her control to form each crisp word. “Dorian, I am aware of your issue, however when the University contracted you it was with the understanding that you would complete a series of guest lectures in addition to teaching your graduate classes.”
“I am aware of the contract Josephine,” Dorian bit out, his heart beginning to beat faster at just the thought of Val Royeaux being only the second of the five planned lectures he had agreed to give. But when he had signed the contract he had had no way of knowing that his father would manage to appear at the first lecture in Redcliffe.
Kaffas, just thinking of the moment was enough to have Dorian’s breath stilling in his chest, his lungs refusing to work properly as he remembered the confrontation that followed. Forcing his head down between his knees Dorian ignored the phone in favor of reminding himself that he was not in Redcliffe. He was in his apartment in Skyhold. The apartment he had gone to great lengths to make certain couldn’t be tracked to him. He was safe here. He was…
“Dorian. Dorian, are you there?”
There was no missing the concern in Josephine’s voice, but he just couldn’t seem to make his voice work, any air left in his lungs feeling like a ten pound weight that was only being stirred by the fact that his heart was pounding hard enough to make it feel like it was going to burst from his chest. Dropping the phone he did the only thing he could do when these attacks came on, he went into his bedroom and grabbed the staff that was always sitting by the door then crawled into his closet with it on his lap. There would be no surprising him here, if his father thought he could come for him again Dorian would happily turn the man into a pile of ash. But that wasn’t going to happen because he wouldn’t find him here. He couldn’t find him here. He couldn’t…
Dorian wasn’t certain how much time had passed, but his breathing had almost returned to normal and his heart no longer felt like it was attempting to flee his body, when the sound of bells sent him back into high alert. Not just any bells, but the tinkling of the string of tiny bells he’d attached to his front door. The door that only two people had a key…
“Dorian? Where the fuck are you?” Evie’s voice echoed through the quiet apartment and Dorian felt all the air whoosh from his lungs on a relieved sigh even as he forced himself to stand. Kaffas, Evie finding him cowering in the closet was the last thing he needed. Not that it would be the first time, but…
“You better be decent in there Dori or I swear I’m going to kick your ass. You scared the shit out of Josie,” Evie’s voice only got louder and by the time he stepped out of the closet she was just stepping into his room.
Any hope of pretending he had just been getting dressed died the moment she saw his staff still tightly gripped in his fist and her expression softened. “Crap, again? Dori, you can’t keep going through this.”
He snorted as he pushed past her and forced his fingers to let go of the staff, making certain it was solidly in place leaning against his dresser, easy to grab if he needed it in a hurry. “Yes, well, apparently I can.”
Dorian startled as Evie’s arms wrapped tightly around him from behind, her lips pressing against his shoulder. “Josie says she’s sorry. She didn’t mean to trigger you, the University is just on her about potentially severing your contract.”
Just the thought had him stiffening. That contract was the only thing that was allowing him to stay here in Skyhold. Not only the money that it brought in but his work visa also, without it he would be shipped back to Tevinter. Back where his father…
“Fuck, Dori…breathe,” Evie growled, spinning him around to face her and grabbing his hand to place it on the center of her chest. “Breathe with me…come on, don’t let him do this to you, you’re stronger than he could ever be. Now breathe…”
Dorian shut his eyes and just focused on the rise and fall of Evie’s chest until he felt his own breathing level out. Fuck, but she was right. This couldn’t continue. The university had been fine with him not teaching a class this semester and the few graduate students he was still mentoring were happy to come to the apartment, but that would only last so long. With a sigh he opened his eyes to find Evie looking at him with determination in those large, green eyes rather than pity. “You’re right of course.”
“I usually am,” she smirked, retaining possession of his hand as she pulled him back through his apartment and shoved him down onto the sofa before continuing on into the kitchen. Because the living area was open concept he could watch as she grabbed a glass and filled it with tap water before returning to shove it into his hand. “Now drink that and I’ll tell you what we’re going to do.”
Dorian snorted. Now there was the Evie he knew and loved. When he had landed in Skyhold he had expected only Josephine to meet him, but apparently Evie had told her lover that someone who had just uprooted himself from everything he knew deserved more than one person to greet him in his new home. And just like that, from the first hello she had attached herself to him and refused to let go, even now, when just having to go to the market on the corner was nearly impossible she continued to be his saving grace.
“Are you listening to me?”
Oops. “Yes, yes, you’re going to magically make me better,” Dorian teased, setting the glass down next to where Evie had parked herself on his coffee table.
“You didn’t hear a word I said,” she growled, slapping at his knee and rolling her eyes before starting again. “I said I know someone. He’s not a therapist exactly, more like a life coach.”
“I think I have the panic attacks down Evie, no need for a coach,” Dorian smirked. Kaffas. He couldn’t leave his house, he didn’t need someone stepping into it to tell him how to live his life.
“Shut up you asshole,” Evie hissed, kicking him in the shin this time. “Did I mention he’s ex-military? ‘Cause he is, and he’s been through things Dorian, shit like what your father tried to do to you. I’m just saying, I think he could help you and if not, maybe you could convince him to go with you to your lectures, kinda like security.”
Dorian had this image of some pacifistic military desk jockey standing off against the three goons his father had brought to Redcliffe last time. Some of his disbelief must have shown on his face because Evie laughed, “I know how it sounds, but just do me a favor and meet with him. What can it hurt?”
If those didn’t sound like famous last words Dorian wasn’t sure what did, but he found himself agreeing. “Ok Evie, I’ll give him a try.”
“I promise Dori, you won’t regret it.”
Two days later Dorian was leaning against his front door, his heart again beating like it was trying to set a new record and all he could think was he was already regretting it. Because there were only two reasons for the giant of a man that was currently standing outside his door, if he was still standing…Dorian looked through the peephole and yes, still standing there. One, his father had finally upped the stakes and sent someone who could just break down any door Dorian chose to hide behind or two, Evie had failed to mention that her ‘life coach’ buddy was a fucking Qunari.
For the first time in two years Dorian almost hoped it was the first option because the second was going to require him to kill his best friend. Spying his phone sitting on the coffee table Dorian lunged for it, sweeping it up as he spun around to watch the door as though it was going to splinter in any moment. And wouldn’t it just serve Evie right if she had to bear audio witness to his rather untimely demise, he snorted as he hit speed dial and waited for her to answer.
“Ah, Dorian,” Evie’s voice cut in without even a greeting. “I take it Bull arrived.”
“Bull?”
“Yes, The Iron Bull actually, but most of his friends just call him Bull.”
Of course they did. Dorian rolled his eyes even though Evie couldn’t see him. “You are aware that his country and mine have been at war for over five centuries.”
“Bah, if they really meant it one side would have won already. Besides, Bull’s Tal-Vashoth now so I don’t think he’ll be after converting you or whatever it is they do.”
That comment actually made Dorian pinch the bridge of his nose as he shook his head slowly. It never failed to amaze him how absolutely ignorant of the Qunari Southerners were. As if the atrocities that had been occurring for the last several hundred years would just disappear because they chose not to think of them. He was half tempted to tell her exactly what the Qunari did to mages when they were caught, but then again, sometimes ignorance was a blessing.
“Dorian, you still there?”
“Yes Evelyn. So, just to clarify, you are certain the man standing outside my door is your Iron Bull?”
“Don’t forget the ‘The’, he’s very attached to it. And unless there has been a sudden influx of Qunari into Skyhold that I was unaware of yes, I’m fairly certain he’s your man.”
Dorian stood and crossed back over to the door and looked through the peephole, only to find that the man was gone. “Shit,” he whispered, ignoring Evie’s queries about what was the matter in favor of carefully opening the door.
The moment he stuck his head out he found himself staring at a very large bicep covered in pink, and not just any pink but a sickening cotton candy pink.
“Finally got confirmation I’m not here to convert you?” The Iron Bull asked with a chuckle, his one eye crinkling as he grinned down at Dorian.
“Dori…Dorian I hear Bull…Dori…”
“Call you back later Evie,” Dorian muttered distractedly as he thumbed off his phone before turning his attention toward the mountain of a man before him. “The Iron Bull I presume.”
The Iron Bull stuck out his hand, the smile on his face really too broad for someone who had been left to stand in a hallway for fifteen minutes. “Yep, that’s me. Good to meet you.”
“Dorian, Dorian Pavus,” Dorian managed to stutter as his hand was swallowed in a mass of silver flesh. “Won’t you please come in.”
The Iron Bull looked at him critically for a moment before nodding his head slightly and following Dorian through the door. “So, I take it the Boss didn’t tell you I was a qunari.”
Dorian snorted, then attempted to cover it up with a cough. “She might have forgotten that detail.”
“Is it going to be a problem?"
Yes. The word hung on the tip of Dorian’s tongue and then he really looked at the man before him. And somehow between the pink dress shirt, sleeves rolled up to reveal forearms larger than Dorian’s thighs, and the eye patch he had failed to notice before in a matching dawnstone, Dorian found himself curious about the man before him rather than frightened. And for a man who had feared just about every stranger over the age of majority that he’d encountered for the past eight months, the change was a welcome one. “No, no problem. I was just expecting someone a little less…”
“Present?”
“Yes, I suppose that is one way to put it,” Dorian chuckled, waving his hand toward the couch as he himself moved towards the lone chair in the room that he doubted The Iron Bull could even fit himself into. “I admit to being a little confused though. Evelyn said you were a friend but you call her Boss.”
The Iron Bull shrugged as he sat in the middle of the couch, his horns reaching almost the entire length of it, leading Dorian to wonder where a man a large as he was actually found furniture. “I was running security when I first got to Skyhold, the Boss hired me when she could but when she found out I was looking at getting into coaching she insisted on setting me up in her office. To be honest I’d probably still be running things out of the back of my truck without her.”
“Well, I suppose it’s good to know I’m not the only stray Evie has taken in.”
The Iron Bull’s laugh this time was so deep and true that Dorian could almost feel it in his own chest. “Yeah, Boss has a way of doing that. I’ll introduce you to Krem sometime, the Boss found out he could sew and now he’s got his own line of kid’s toys.”
“Children’s toys?”
“Yep, little stuffed nugs mostly, though I occasionally con him into making me a dragon. I’m partial to dragons.”
Of course you are, Dorian thought, though at this moment he wouldn’t be surprised if the huge Qunari pulled out a set of knitting needles. Or poetry. He seemed the sort that might like poetry. And not that horrible Antivan shit where someone had to die before it was considered a success but something Orlesian, all flowery and full of hearts and stars.
As if he could hear Dorian’s thoughts The Iron Bull sobered, leaning forward until his elbows were on his knees and pinning Dorian with a stare. “So, what happened to you nine and a half months ago that made you a prisoner in your own home?”
Dorian just stared as The Iron Bull shifted, leaning back again and letting one of his arms run along the back of the couch as if he hadn’t just torn the sheet off the druffalo in the middle of the room. Fasta vass, what was that he’d been thinking about soft? The man was a demon. A demon that was currently relaxing against his sofa as if he had all the time in the world to get an answer.
Which might be a good thing because just like every time Dorian had to think of that time he found his focus fading as his heart and lungs began to compete to see who could kill him first. He closed his eyes, telling himself he was safe here, that the events of that day and those that came before it no longer had the power to hurt him.
“Dorian…” The Iron Bull’s voice was softer but definitely closer than he had been before and Dorian forced open his eyes to see the qunari kneeling before him. When he found Dorian looking at him he smiled slightly. “Hey big guy, it ok if I touch you?”
Not trusting himself to speak Dorian just nodded.
“Good, good,” The Iron Bull practically purred, one of those silver hands wrapping around Dorian’s wrist, his fingers shifting until he found a spot that had Dorian relaxing despite himself, his breathing beginning to slow.
Now that he was so close Dorian couldn’t help but notice the little lines that bracketed his eye and his mouth as he frowned slightly, his attention firmly focused on the rise and fall of Dorian’s chest. Only when Dorian felt his breathing return to normal did The Iron Bull look up to meet his gaze, the frown on his face morphing to a wry little grin. “Ok, so sorry ‘bout that. Boss didn’t tell me about the panic attacks, just the agoraphobia.”
Dorian managed a pathetic little chuckle. “Yes, well I think we’ve already established Evie has a habit of glossing over the details.”
The Iron Bull shifted, looking behind him as if judging the coffee table before deciding it would do and lowering himself onto the edge of it, his hand still wrapped firmly around Dorian’s wrist. Noticing Dorian looking at the spot Bull shifted his grip to cradle Dorian’s hand before turning it over and laying one finger on a spot about two inches up from his palm. “There are pulse points here and here,” he began, shifting his hand slightly up and to the right. “You can do the same thing yourself once you know where the points are. They won’t stop a full on attack but if you can catch yourself early enough…”
The Iron Bull broke off as Dorian grinned broadly. Venhedis, nine months and all along he could have been helping himself. “Show me, show me again.”
Dorian tried to ignore the way his pulse jumped when The Iron Bull took ahold of his other hand and curled it in his own palm, using his own fingers to direct Dorian’s to just the right spots. Again it was like having a wave of calm rush through him.
Dorian couldn’t stop the grin that spread across his lips as he felt something he hadn’t felt for months…something that seemed surprisingly like hope.