Work Text:
It’s just a stupid crush, it doesn’t mean anything.
Isa had been telling himself that for weeks now, hoping that if he could get it through his head often enough it would finally be true. But all it really did was bring the one person he was trying not to think about to mind and now he could swear he was hearing that voice—
“Isa!”
The call came from the back of the house through Isa’s window. He rolled off the bed to the window and sure enough, Lea was there, his red mane of hair glowing like a flame on a matchstick. At the sight of Isa, he waved aggressively. Against his better judgment, Isa rolled the window open.
“Get out of my yard Lea. Use a door like a normal person.”
Isa shut the window and went down to let Lea in.
At the door, Lea was cocky. His hands were pulled back behind his head, his smirk was gleaming, his eyes dazzling—
“Where’s the fun in that?” he asked, taking in Isa’s sour expression.
“For one, the neighbors won’t think you’re trying to break in,” Isa retorted.
Lea gave a dismissive wave of his hand as he waltzed into Isa’s house. Isa had seen him walk in a million times before, but it had never quite made his heart race the way it did now. It doesn’t mean anything, he told himself again.
Somewhere between the last year and now, Lea had lost the gangly edges of adolescence and had become stupidly attractive. Girls had noticed. Some long-buried feelings toward Lea had made themselves known again and it was just a stupid crush, Isa had told himself.
“Why are you here?” Isa asked. It was late in the day and the sun was setting, not that the time had ever really made a difference to when Lea would show up. Schemes had no hour, according to Lea.
“For you, idiot.” Lea was heading for Isa’s room, a perfectly natural and normal thing to do. So why did it make Isa’s stomach do backflips?
When they got to the room, Lea sat himself down at the edge of the bed, forearms leaning against his thighs. It was his interrogation pose, Isa noticed with increasing panic. Isa stood by his desk, leaning back into it as rigid and stoic as he could possibly make himself.
There was a brief moment of hesitation as the two boys stared each other down.
The next words out of Lea’s mouth were not what Isa expected.
“Do you have a secret girlfriend?”
Isa blanched.
“What? Of course not.”
“A secret boyfriend, then?”
At that, Isa flushed beet red.
“What’s gotten into you? You’re being more obnoxious than usual today,” as much as Lea made Isa’s heart flutter, he also irritated the hell out of him.
“I’m not,” Lea defended, “You’ve just been ignoring me and forgotten how obnoxious I usually am,” The last few words came out through gritted teeth.
Lea had hit the mark, and Isa knew he could tell. Instead of answering with a defensive quip, Isa glared. He was thinking of some explanation, some excuse. What could he possibly say that would sound plausible and wasn’t the truth? They knew each other too well to swallow lies. Which was why Isa had been avoiding Lea. Better to hide than to face the very real possibility of rejection, or worse—to have Lea laugh in his face. Maybe he could pretend everything was perfectly normal.
“I didn’t know you were in such desperate need of my attention,” Isa tried being playful, sarcastic. Anything to cast the daggers out of Lea’s glare.
“I didn’t know you wanted to stop being friends,” Lea replied. His voice caught on the word friends and Isa felt all the tension release from him like a deflated balloon. This wasn’t what he had wanted at all.
“Lea….” Isa began, all traces of sarcasm gone. He wasn’t ready to answer, so instead he asked, “Why would you think that?”
Lea’s expression softened. Isa knew Lea was unsatisfied with the question as a reply, but he watched as Lea took a moment to arc like a cat and lay himself back onto the bed. His feet were still planted firmly on the floor. When Lea answered, it was directed at the ceiling.
“You of all people know I’m not as dumb as I look, Isa.” A pause. “Do you think I haven’t noticed you bowing out every time we make plans? You all but run every time I see you.”
Isa wanted to say something, anything, but he was frozen between the truth and silence.
“Did someone…ask you to stop talking to me?”
“Of course not,” Isa replied defensively. At that, Lea looked up at him, bracing himself on his elbows.
“Then why?”
Isa started down at his feet. Because I can’t stand to be around you. Because I’m petty and insecure. Because you’ll never want me the way I want you.
“You’d give me shit if I told you the real reason why,” Isa finally answered. It was the truest thing he could say.
Lea raised a brow.
They had been through a lot together over the years. Lea had singed off his eyebrows one summer playing with fire magic. Isa had cut off all his hair once on a dare, and had cried about it after. They’d had a bully or two. So Isa could understand Lea’s skepticism. They’d always been there for each other, even through the worst moments.
It hit Isa then.
He had to tell Lea. Not because he wanted to, but because he had to rip the moment off like a band-aid, and once that was done the worst of it would be over.
Their friendship was more than some stupid crush.
Right?
“I’ve been avoiding you because I—and I swear to God if you laugh, I’ll never show my face again—I like you,” Isa said, the last few words coming out small and barely audible.
Lea stood, almost involuntarily.
He looked like he’d taken a punch to the stomach.
Isa wasn’t quite sure what to make of it. He’d never seen Lea at a loss for words. And then they came.
“You’re fucking with me,” Lea said, laughing. The laugh was haggard, like he couldn’t quite get enough air, “You know that’s not— that’s not cool at all to pretend you’re into someone when you’re not —“ Lea was walking in circles, the words rushing out of him.
Isa didn’t know how to explain that this was real.
“—and I know you haven’t exactly been Mister Popular with girls but if you smiled a bit I think you could really find someone, I mean you have good teeth and a strong jawline—“
“Would you please, please shut up?” Isa asked.
Lea stopped and stared at Isa. Isa’s eyes were pleading, willing Lea to understand.
Lea stepped forward, so he was close enough to Isa that he had to look down to see his face. Neither of them were quite sure what would happen then. Some magnetic force had taken control and warm lips found their way uncertainly against Isa’s.
They stayed liked that, frozen and unyielding, til finally Isa pulled back to stare at Lea in wonder.
“If I had known that’s what it would take to get you to be quiet, I would have done it years ago,” Isa said, his voice so low and serious it almost didn’t sound like a joke.
Lea couldn’t help it. He snorted, before breaking out into full on guffaws. Isa was blushing, but not from embarrassment. Blushing because Lea wasn’t laughing at him. He was just laughing, in the way Lea laughed, carefree and joyful. They had kissed, and it had been easy.
Lea held him, fingers drawing soft lines across Isa’s cheeks. “You should have told me.”
“When? After you’d finished rejecting your lineup of fangirls for the week?” The words were more cutting than he’d meant them to be, but Lea just shook his head, grinning from ear to ear.
“There was never any competition, as long as you were around.”
“God, you’re sappy.”
“Isn’t that why you love me?”
“You’re a pain in my ass.”
“Maybe you’d enjoy that if it was more literal?
At that, Isa gave Lea’s shoulder a shove, and Lea laughed his open, full-bellied, laugh. Isa couldn’t help but smile.
So what if it was just a crush?
Being friends with Lea had always been irritating, chaotic, and easier than most of his other relationships.
Maybe this would be too.