Work Text:
Jungwon felt hollow. At this moment, he was so incredibly numb he didn’t know what to do. Yet, here he was, standing over the railing of a bridge overlooking the Han River. He wasn’t sure there was a time in his life when he didn’t feel like this. He was drowning in himself and there was no way to escape. How did he get here?
He supposed it started one month ago. Now that Jungwon thinks about it, it was a feat in itself that he was able to last this long without falling into the depths of his depression. He wished it hadn’t come to this, but he knew all too well how too many people lost their battles with depression. He thought of simpler times when it was enough for him to be surrounded by his members and be happy. He wished to return to those times, tears falling down his cheeks.
🖤
One month ago
Jungwon felt weird whenever he saw his members. Don’t get him wrong–– he loved his members more than anything in this world. But, right now, his members were acting weird around him. Whenever he told them to quiet down and focus on practice, they continued talking and seemingly ignored their leader until their dance instructor rounded them all up. Or how they talked in hushed whispers about how Jungwon is so bossy, or, Jungwon looks stupid when he dances like that. He didn’t take it to heart though. He figured his members must have been having a hard time during their comeback preparations and were just releasing their stress.
He tried not to let it get to him at first. But between his leadership duties and their comeback preparations, Jungwon was exhausted. As such, he was a lot more susceptible to getting into a depressive episode, especially when it seemed like his whole team hated him. Finally, it was only a couple of days before their comeback happened, and they were in their practice room, finalizing the details of their choreography one last time before their fan meeting next week.
Jungwon was coming back from the bathroom after he washed his face from sweat and dried himself. He walked back into their practice room, quickly locking eyes at the blob of people which he soon recognized to be his members. Heeseung was holding his phone at an angle, his long arm helping to fit the whole group in the camera frame. Heeseung took the picture, smiling widely. That’s when something in Jungwon snapped.
“Don’t you all think that’s a little much? To leave me, your leader, out of a group selfie?” He walked closer to the group, crossing his arms over his chest defensively with an incredulous expression on his face.
The group simultaneously turned around to look at him, some with confused and some with serious expressions on their face.
“What? Is that any way to talk to your hyungs , Jungwon-ah?” Heeseung crossed his arms as he faced Jungwon with a serious expression on his face.
“Really? Is that what you’re concerned about right now? Frankly, I would be worried about you , hyung. Your dancing earlier was too sloppy. You weren’t keeping up with any of us.”
“What?! That’s ridiculous. Do you guys think so? Did I look bad?” Heeseung looked at the group with a questioning expression.
“Of course not, Heeseung-hyung! Jungwon is just jealous of your skills!” Sunoo said, pouting as he clung to Heeseung’s arm as he looked at Jungwon with judging eyes.
“Yeah, don’t pay attention to him, Heeseung-hyung.” Jake comforted Heeseung by patting his back, not looking at Jungwon at all.
Jungwon’s eyes widened as his jaw dropped. Was this really happening? Were they really defending Heeseung even though he was in the wrong here?
“Apologize to Heeseung-hyung, Jungwon. That was mean.” Sunghoon said with a serious expression as he crossed his arms.
Jungwon looked at his group, serious or hesitant expressions on their faces. He couldn’t believe this.
“Fine. I’m sorry, Heeseung-hyung. That was mean.” He said as he crossed his arms over his chest defensively, looking at the floor silently.
“Just don’t let it happen again,” Heeseung said as he walked past Jungwon, knocking the younger on the shoulder harshly. Jungwon stumbled back, before catching himself and turning around to Heeseung.
“I’m going to the bathroom.” He mumbled sparingly, letting the tense atmosphere dissipate.
After that incident, Jungwon didn’t talk to his group very much. He closed in on himself, only talking to their staff when he needed to and barely talking to the members outside of their schedule. His team assumed he was just being petty after his fight with Heeseung, but in truth, he was silently crying out to be saved from his current situation. It looked like Jungwon was just ignoring them outside of their schedules, and that made them even more mad at him. So, what did they do? They ignored him and continued to leave him out of group schedules. Jungwon really tried not to let it bother him. But, he couldn’t keep it up well, the stress was just too great for him to handle.
So, by the time they had their fan meeting, Jungwon was not excited to see Engenes. He was thinking of just acting sick and skipping, but he had a responsibility as a leader and kpop idol. So, here he was, smiling numbly and interacting with their fans. He wished he didn’t feel like this, he thought he was ruining the atmosphere for everyone. But, he couldn’t help it; depression has its own way of sneaking up on you and snatching up your happiness at the worst moments. Jungwon started to feel sick with envy as he watched his members happily interacting with Engenes, wishing they’d show that face to him once more. He sighed as tears welled up in his eyes, facing the staff members to the side. He couldn’t bear this anymore, their manager walking closer to him behind the table.
“Hyung, I feel sick, can I go lay down for a minute?” He whispered into his manager’s ear, making sure no one else heard.
“Yeah, of course. Come on, follow me.” Their manager led him to their dressing room backstage, Jungwon laying on their couch silently. He put his arm over his eyes as the sound from the fan meeting filtered into the room.
“Let’s all get together for a group photo now!” One of the staff called out, making Jungwon grimace painfully. He doubted anyone would come to get him. He doubted anyone even thought about him at that moment. Ah, what was he going to do with these thoughts now? Stupid and useless thoughts.
Jungwon stayed quiet for the rest of the day after that. The next time they had a fan meeting, Jungwon was nowhere to be seen. He woke up earlier than everyone else and took a small backpack as he texted their manager.
Jungwonie 🙂
I’m sorry sir, but I can’t make it to our fan meeting today, I’ve been really sick all night and I don’t want anyone to catch it. Please tell my team and Engenes that I’m sorry.
Manager-hyung 👍
I understand, Jungwon-ah. Do you need me to pick anything up for you? Make sure to take care of yourself soon so you don’t miss many schedules with everyone!
Jungwonie 🙂
I will manager-hyung. I have everything I need in the dorm, so don’t worry about me. Thank you for understanding manager-hyung, I’ll recover as fast as possible! Also, please tell my members so they don’t disturb me, I’m going back to sleep now.
Manager-hyung 👍
Of course, Jungwon-ah! Leave everything to me!
Junwon was used to lying about himself now. He never wanted anyone to worry about him, so he played it off like it was nothing. And there were only so many excuses he could use to get out of an important schedule like this, so he didn’t exactly feel bad. It’s not like anyone would care if he was missing anyway. At this point, all he felt was numbness.
Grabbing a small backpack and filling it with essentials, he walked out of the dorm in the early hours of the morning, walking any and everywhere. He walked and walked and walked until he came upon a familiar river. He sighed as he sat on a bench overlooking the river, feelings of numbness replaced with feelings of tranquility. He stayed there for a couple of hours, silently staring at the river as people passed behind him and in front of him. Eventually, he made the hike back up to his dorm, at an hour when he knew the members wouldn’t be home. His stomach growled, but he saw no point in eating anything. He just laid in his bed for hours, staring at the ceiling before he heard the members come back in from their schedule. Upon hearing their front door unlock, he turned to the side of the bed, wishing sleep would envelop him quickly so he wouldn’t have to hear their conversations about how Jungwon looks so fat lately, or, Jungwon’s been eating too much.
🖤
Jungwon messed up a lot after that. He fumbled over his lines during music shows, messed up during their dance practice, and even fumbled their performances. He was too in his head literally every minute of every day. But that wasn’t as bad as another mistake he made. He finally did it, in his three years experience as an idol, he actually hurt one of his members.
It was a normal day, the group were finishing up their dance practice and were going to get food from their company’s cafeteria since they hadn’t had much that day. Jungwon was in a sour mood, it seemed like he was the worst dancer in their group in practice today. The others chose not to comment, but instead silently glared at the younger boy as he messed up another move in their choreography. Jungwon silently watched as the others ordered their food, noticing Sunoo ordering a lot more than usual. He spoke up, not thinking of the possible consequences of speaking his mind.
“Sunoo-hyung, that’s a lot of food. Are you sure you’ll be able to eat all of that?” Jungwon looked at the older boy innocently, slightly tilting his head.
“What? Are you saying I’m fat, Jungwon?” Sunoo blinked in Jungwon’s direction, incredulous expression on his face.
“Eh?” Jungwon’s eyes widened as he silently shook his head, how could he come to that conclusion?
“I just––” He lightly said, trying to explain himself.
“Don’t listen to him, Sunoo-yah. He’s just jealous you’re a better dancer than him.” Heeseung dismissed Jungwon, putting his hand on Sunoo’s shoulder as he moved the younger boy next to him.
“I’m sorry…” Jungwon mumbled, setting his tray down and silently walking out of their cafeteria.
The next few weeks were a blur for Jungwon after that. Harsh comments from his team and online blended into one heavy veil that weighed on Jungwon’s shoulders greatly. He didn’t talk anymore. He just nodded or wrote stuff down in a text to the members. No one really cared, they simply accepted it and quickly let it go. Jungwon could feel it; he was slipping off the edge of the cliff, with no one there to help. All it would take was one more incident and Jungwon would fully fall off the cliff. And then it happened. He fell, with no advance warning whatsoever.
The members were in their company, walking to the cafeteria as Jungwon silently trailed behind them. Someone passed them by, and all of Enhypen greeted him as they bowed lightly to the figure. Jungwon looked at the figure, quickly realizing it was TXT’s Beomgyu, who they were all pretty close with. Jungwon smiled tinily, tired eyes squinting up at the older man. Beomgyu greeted all of them back before turning to Jungwon, flinching as he took in Jungwon’s tired and pale face.
“Hello, Beomgyu-hyung. It’s nice to see you.” Jungwon somewhat whispered, voice scratchy from disuse.
“Hey, Jungwon. It’s nice to see you too. Are you okay? You look really tired.” Beomgyu lightly joked, smiling at the boy as Jungwon lightly flinched.
“Oh? Um…I…um…” Jungwon lightly panicked, not knowing what to say. Beomgyu quickly noticed and smiled at the younger boy.
“Hey, I wanna show you this track I’ve been working on. Do you wanna come to my studio?”
“Oh…I um…” Jungwon looked at his members, most of them on their phones. Beomgyu turned around to the rest of Enhypen as well, putting his hand on Jungwon’s shoulders.
“You don’t mind if I steal your leader for a while, right?” Beomgyu lightly joked to the members.
“Of course not, hyung. As a matter of fact, just take him! Hahaha!” Jay joked, but Jungwon could feel his malicious intentions behind every word.
Beomgyu’s eyebrows furrowed together. Why would he say something like that?
“Yeah…Jungwon would fit nicely into our group. Our new maknae hahah.” Beomgyu played along, somewhat angered by Jay’s statement.
Jungwon held his head and bit his lip.
“Come on, Jungwon. Let’s go.” Beomgyu spurred him away from the group, half of them already walking down to the cafeteria. Jungwon silently followed beside Beomgyu, the older’s hand still wrapped around Jungwon’s shoulder. Once they made it to Beomgyu’s private studio, they both entered and Jungwon sat on Beomgyu’s couch as Beomgyu sat in the chair on his desk.
“So, what’s going on, Jungwon-ah?” Beomgyu turned the chair to face Jungwon with an encouraging smile on his face.
Jungwon lightly flinched. He thought Beomgyu was going to show him a song.
“Um…it’s nothing, hyung.” Jungwon lightly smiled, fidgeting with his fingers lightly as he broke eye contact with Beomgyu. Beomgyu sighed internally, he could tell the younger boy was going through something, but he knew it was hard to get Jungwon to open up. Even after three years of being friends in the same company he still had trouble with it.
“Really? Because your face is telling me something is definitely wrong.” Beomgyu leaned forward, wanting Jungwon to look him in the eye. A glassy film covered Jungwon’s eyes as he looked at Beomgyu.
“It’s okay, Jungwon-ah. You can tell me anything.” Beomgyu somewhat whispered, not daring to speak any louder in case the floodgates burst open.
A tear slipped out of Jungwon’s eye silently, mouth trembling carefully. Beomgyu dried it with his thumb.
“I––I’m just…I’m really stressed, hyung. This comeback has been really hard for me. I feel sick all of the time and I don’t know what to do.”
At least some of it was true. He was stressed about this comeback, just like he always was. And he did feel sick all of the time too. But, not like fever sick, but envy sick. Jungwon held a green-eyed monster in him begging to be let out.
Beomgyu smiled lightly, glad the younger was sharing his worries with him. He opened his arms so Jungwon could fall into them, to which the younger complied. He pat Jungwon’s soft hair carefully with one hand as the other hand rubbed up and down his back.
“That’s okay, Jungwon-ah. Everyone feels sick from time to time. And I can only imagine the stress you’re under as a leader. It’s okay to feel that way. Just remember one thing though. I’m always here for you, I always want to be here for you. I truly want you to come to me and feel like you can lean on me. Because I love you, Jungwon-ah. You’re a precious little brother I never want to lose. There are people that love and care for you, just like I do. Never forget that, okay Jungwonie?”
“Okay, hyung,” Jungwon whispered against Beomgyu’s chest, feeling warmed by his love. He smiled, for the first time that month, truly from the bottom of his heart.
After they talked for a little while longer, and Beomgyu did play him a track he was working on (which made Jungwon incredibly happy that Beomgyu didn’t lie to him), Jungwon made his way down to the cafeteria, starving as his stomach growled. He hadn’t eaten anything at all that day, and by now, he was planning on stuffing his face like there was no tomorrow. He stepped into the cafeteria and silently got his tray full of side dishes before grabbing two plates of seafood pajeon. He slightly smiled to himself before sitting at the table behind the one the rest of his group was sitting at.
“Damn, that’s a little much. Two plates of pajeon?” Heeseung said from in front of Jungwon, making the others laugh simultaneously.
“Yeah, Jungwon-hyung’s so fat he’ll probably get two more plates.” Ni-ki laughed along with the rest of Enhypen.
Jungwon flinched, looking at Heeseung before looking back to his plate. He bit his lip as he cut the tiniest piece of pajeon, multiple gazes burning into his skull. He took a bite of the pajeon carefully and swallowed before setting his chopsticks down. Suddenly, he didn’t feel like eating anymore. His eyes welled up with tears as he grabbed the tray of food and stood up. He walked over to the trash and threw away each dish, before setting it on the counter where they served the food. Jungwon started to walk out of the cafeteria, the other boys laughing at a joke someone made, no doubt at Jungwon’s expense.
“Yeah, get out of here you fat bitch!” Heeseung yelled from the table, which made the boys laugh louder.
Jungwon clenched his fists as a tear slipped out of his eyes. He pushed open the door, walking to the first floor of their company building. He locked eyes with a familiar figure, he soon realized it was Beomgyu. He bit his lip and held his head, walking faster to the entrance.
“Jungwon-ah? Are you okay? Hey––” Beomgyu put his hand on Jungwon’s shoulder, trying to catch up with the younger boy.
“Please don’t touch me, Beomgyu-hyung.” Jungwon moved away from Beomgyu, tears welling up in his eyes again.
Jungwon ran to the entrance, the automatic doors opening as he ran through the streets of Seoul. He ran and ran and ran until he finally reached a familiar bank. He stepped through the door and quickly sat with a clerk.
“Please take everything out of my savings account, please.”
He handed his banking book to her and pulled up his profile with their bank.
“Would you like it in an envelope, sir?”
“Yes, please.”
She took the money out of his account and proceeded to put it in an envelope before handing it to him.
Once he reached their dorm, he was suddenly compelled to write something. So, he grabbed some spare paper lying around their dorm and began to write at the desk in his room. He ends up writing two letters. He folds them nicely and writes their names. In all honesty, he can’t remember what he wrote, and he doesn’t know if that’s a good or bad thing.
He exits his solo room and sets the letters on the counter along with the envelope of money he took out of his bank account. He looks around the dorm, taking note of the crumbs and dirt on the floor of each room. So he grabs the vacuum and cleans every single room. Afterward, he grabs his most prized possessions, which are earphones, a jacket, and the backpack he packed. Then he walks out of the dorm, backpack in tow. He walks for a while. He doesn’t know where so he just sort of walks. He turns on his favorite playlist and feels the cool air hit him.
While walking, he thinks. He thinks maybe a little too much. Even with music blaring into his eardrums, his brain won’t shut up. He thinks of the past month and thinks how horrible he is about lying to his Beomgyu-hyung and Engenes. Well, not all of it was a lie. He genuinely did love his fans as he always communicated with them. He just never felt good, and he knew he would never feel good ever again. He’s so tired and doesn’t recognize who he is anymore. He’s damaged goods, no one would want him like this now. It’s his own fault. He never talked to anyone. Never voicing his problems and letting them fester deep within himself. The cruel world took him, draining any spark of life inside of him. Now all he does is spend his days feeling hollow, empty, and somehow guilty. Guilty he’s wasting this life, this life was always useless though. Jungwon doesn’t care anymore. And maybe he hadn’t cared for a long time, and he just hid it really well. Hid it well like he did so many other things.
Jungwon can feel his final moments upon him, he hears the ticking of a clock and it’s getting louder and louder as if his life is crescendoing until it’s no longer there, the song of his life finished. Even with his thick jacket on, he still shivers from the cold wind hitting him and his nose is cold. Without even realizing it, he’s stopped walking. He’s at the river he’s too familiar with and sits down on a bench he’s also too familiar with. For some reason, there’s almost no one around the river. So, he goes to the bridge instead and looks at the scenery. He opens his bag and pulls out a bag he previously packed. Pills he swore never to hold again, yet here he was. He grabs a few pills from the small bag and puts them in the back of his throat. He grabs a water bottle and swallows. He inhales, then exhales. He really wants to see his Beomgyu-hyung. The boy he wished he was more confident with. The boy he loved too much for his own heart to handle. He wants to see his Beomgyu-hyung’s smile. Hear that angelic infamous laugh of his. He wants to see his group smile. One last time before he leaves.
The river speaks to Jungwon.
Jungwon, come swim in my beautiful waters! It’s so comfortable and warm! Come to me~
Jungwon looks to each side of him, right, then left, then behind him. No one was around. What time was it? What day was it? Jungwon didn’t know if he cared anymore. He felt the winter sun on his skin and smiled. He loved the sun. It was so incredibly pretty. He wished he could look at it more. Touch it. But instead, he was cursed to walk this earth as a human. There was no room in the stars for him. Maybe they could make space for him if he pleaded though.
So, he pleaded. He pleaded desperately to the heavens to let him join the stars as silent tears fell on his face. He opens his eyes again, grabbing onto the railing and standing on it carefully. More tears fall on his cheek before he smiles. He lets go of the railing, falling forward into the flowing river under him. A splash is heard in the late afternoon at Han River. No one saw, no one heard. The boy disappeared silently as the world continued to move. A face flashes through the boy’s mind in his final moment, causing his heart to twist in pain.
I’m sorry, Beomgyu-hyung. Please forgive me. I’ll always love you.
Yang Jungwon died on Thursday, January 26th, 2023 at 3:14 pm.
🖤
Their management got a call from the hospital that night, just as the boys were going home for the day. Their manager couldn’t believe the news, so he drove to the hospital, still with the boys in the car. The boys’ eyebrows furrowed simultaneously upon realizing they weren’t at their dorm.
“Hyung, why are we at the hospital? What’s going on?” Sunoo said from the seat behind their manager.
“I…I have to check something. Wait in the car.” He said as he shut off the engine and exited the car.
Their manager walked around to the front of the hospital before entering, feeling extremely weird.
“I’m here to see Yang Jungwon?” He told the receptionist as she typed on her computer.
“Ah…I see. This nurse will lead you down to our morgue.” She motioned over to a nurse and the manager thanked her before following the nurse, completely ignoring the word ‘morgue’.
The nurse led their manager down to their morgue, his nerves building up every second. When they finally reached the accursed room, she opened a slot with a sheet over it and flipped the sheet over to reveal the face. Their manager’s eyes widened as they filled up with tears.
“Is this Yang Jungwon, sir?” The nurse said carefully.
Their manager lifted his hand over his mouth in horror before nodding, tears falling down his cheeks.
“Thank you for your confirmation, sir. I’ll leave so you can have a private moment.” The nurse bowed to him, before he bowed back, hand still over his mouth.
He shakily walked closer to the boy, hand reaching out as he felt like he was going to be sick.
“Jungwon-ah? Hey…wake up. This is a joke, right? Wake up already.” The tip of his finger touched Jungwon’s cold cheek and their manager flinched back in fear.
“No…no, Jungwon-ah. You…you can’t be…no…” Their manager fell to his knees as tears poured out of his eyes. Their manager sobbed loudly, blubbering at full capacity as he grieved the boy that was far too cold.
Once he was able to compose himself once more, he left the room and walked out of the hospital, cheeks puffy with evident tear streaks. He didn’t register the confused or worried glances people gave him and continued walking silently. He made it back to the van, where he unlocked the door and sat silently in the driver’s seat for a minute.
“Hyung, are you okay?” Sunoo said from the seat behind him, immediately noticing the tear streaks on the man’s face.
He silently turned around to the back of the van, looking at the group silently. Everyone who was on their phones looked up from them, wondering why they weren’t driving again. Their manager’s eyes were serious but also incredibly sad at the same time. It made something twinge in their hearts.
“Jungwon is dead. ” He said, voice shaking as more tears pricked in his eyes.
Everyone looked at him with wide eyes, not believing a word he said. What? Jungwon was dead? No way. An awkward silence filled the car, the boys looking around at each other.
“Hyung…you’re just joking, right? He’s back at home.” Jake lightly joked, smiling as he tried to make sense of this situation.
“Just…go and see for yourself.” Their manager said as he turned around to the front again, blinking his tears away.
The group looked at each other silently before nodding, deciding to listen to their manager.
Once in the hospital, the same nurse that lead their leader down to the morgue led the boys down as well. She opened the case holding Jungwon and the team surrounded it silently, tears welling up in all of their eyes.
Ni-ki walked closer to the case, body slightly shaking as tears quickly welled up in his eyes.
“Jungwon-hyung…hey. Wake up… come on. Stop fooling around.” Ni-ki said as he lightly shook Jungwon’s cold body. Tears fell from his eyes, down to his cheeks as he pleaded with the older boy to wake up.
Ni-ki steps back silently as the realization comes to him that Jungwon will never wake up again. He grabbed onto Sunoo and he weeped into the older boy’s arms. He shook heavily, fear completely enveloping him as he realized he would never see the older boy’s smile again.
Heeseung fell to his knees dramatically, in a way that would definitely hurt later, but he could care less. Multiple tears flowed out of his eyes simultaneously as he slid closer to the case holding the younger boy.
Why did I…why are you…what happened, Jungwon-ah? I thought we were just playing. I thought…we were having fun together? As idols? I thought…we loved each other. Why are you here like this Jungwon? What happened to our promise?
A memory flashed through the oldest boy’s mind, causing his heart to sink to his stomach as more tears pricked in his eyes.
“Heeseung-hyung! Let’s make a promise to each other!”
“A promise? What could it be Jungwonie?”
“A promise to tell each other if we’re ever feeling bad about something. Sound good?” Jungwon held his pinky out and Heeseung locked his pinky in, sealing their promise with a kiss from their thumbs.
“Got it, Jungwon-ah!”
Heeseung was so confused. Did Jungwon forget that promise? Or did he choose to break it himself? All he knew now was that promise was broken and there wasn’t anything to do about it. Heeseung feels an infinite sadness envelop him and believes there was nothing he could do to escape it. Heeseung sinks into himself, hand gripping the cold metal of the case shakingly as Heeseung feels emotionally sick.
Jake looks at each of his members silently, not understanding what was going on. Everything felt far away and he couldn’t feel anything in his body. Depersonalization, he realizes. He looks at the sleeping boy in the metal case.
He’s just sleeping, right? Why is everyone crying? He’s just taking a nap. He’ll wake up… soon. Yeah, soon.
Jake moved closer to the metal case, locking fingers with Jungwon’s. He flinched upon realizing they were freezing, not realizing tears were already welling up in his eyes. He looked at Jungwon’s hair, realizing it was dripping. Oh, he must be cold. Jake felt his forehead. At least he didn’t have a fever. In fact, Jungwon was cold. Too cold. It made Jake scared. Why? He was just sleeping…right?
Jake feels weird. How did this happen? Why was Jungwon so cold? And why was he not waking up? He untwisted his fingers from Jungwon’s and stepped back, finally understanding this feeling enveloping him. Grief. Pure, unfiltered grief flowed through his body. Ah, what was he going to do? The thought of never seeing Jungwon smile at them again made him want to collapse to the ground. So, he does. Clutching the edge of the metal case, he falls to the ground on his bottom and brings his knees up to his face. He sighs heavily, controlling his breathing so he doesn’t break.
The others, well. Let’s just say they all had pretty similar reactions. Breaking down; questioning the situation; not believing their eyes, they all had different reactions. Sunoo collapsed in his shared room with Ni-ki once they came home, overwhelmed by the memories he shared with the younger. Jay sobbed into Jungwon’s blanket, overwhelmed by the lingering smell of the younger boy. Sunghoon locked himself into his room and cried, not talking and simply weeping into his pillow in the late hours of the night.
🖤
Their company issued an official statement about Jungwon a couple of hours later, deep in the night as the moon rose and the cold air blew.
“Hello, this is Belift Lab.
We’re incredibly sorry to deliver such heart-wrenching, unfortunate news. On January 26th, our very own Enhypen leader, Yang Jungwon left us without notice.
He was found unconscious in the Han River, in Seoul, and rushed to a nearby hospital but was declared dead a couple of hours later.
Jungwon was an artist who was deeply cherished by everyone he met. It was incredibly devastating to receive this news, and we can only imagine what his closest friends and family are going through right now. We are incredibly sorrowful having to deliver this to fans as well, who showed him great, true love.
We ask you to refrain from making distasteful rumors or assumption-based reports in respect of his family who are in deep sorrow from the sudden news.
As his family wished, his funeral will be carried out in the quietest manner with his family and co-workers.
Once again, we offer our deepest condolences to Jungwon’s fans, family, and friends.”
Enhypen’s comeback was canceled indefinitely after that. Their company hadn’t announced anything to the public about their comeback yet, so it didn’t put a lot of stress or guilt on Enhypen. And the world tour they were still planning was canceled too. Enhypen was put on hiatus.
Here’s how Jungwon’s funeral went. White chrysanthemums surround Jungwon’s portrait. No words are spoken by his family or the six young men. What can they say about the beautiful boy who died? Their seniors in the company visit for only a moment. Well, except for one person. Beomgyu stayed there for hours even after Jungwon's member's left. When he was finally alone in the room, he let himself fully break down, clutching his shirt in his hands. Everything felt too much for him at this moment. His fragile heart was now cracked, the grief threatened to swallow him whole. He couldn't protect him. After he vowed to himself to always look after his younger brothers in the company, he let that promise slip out from right under his fingers. The people lingering around the funeral heard his small whispers filled with regret and grief, tears falling down his cheeks.
"I'm sorry, Jungwon-ah...I'm so sorry...I couldn't protect you...please forgive me."
Despite the many bodies shuffling around, the room is very quiet, not even a small cry. Jungwon would’ve hated this awkward silence. The family in the room remember. They remember too well the letter addressed to them.
Dear family members,
If you’re reading this, I’m sorry I couldn’t stay with you all. I never wished it came to this, but it seems my time has come. I want you to know this isn’t your fault. It’s really my fault for never reaching out, letting it boil up inside of me. Do any of you really know how much I love you? Truly? I don’t think I ever communicated it to you properly. I guess I just want to express how much you mean to me. How much I love you all because I feel like I don’t show it enough. As all of my memories pass through my mind with all of you, I can’t help but smile widely. I’ve missed you all so much. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to say goodbye to you all. I’ll never forget the love you all hold for me, so never regret the love I feel for you too, okay? Please carry on my legacy, okay? Never forget there’ll always be someone far away who will always love and support you, truly from the bottom of my heart. Thank you so much for everything you have taught me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for this wonderful lifetime of memories these past 19 years.
–– Love, your sweet cat-boy Jungwonie <3
His parents and sister openly wept when they read the letter Jungwon left them, and you don’t even want to know how they reacted when they opened the envelope Jungwon left them with the money from his savings account. The boys remembered the letter addressed to them silently.
Dear members,
I’m writing this letter to say goodbye to all of you. I’m tempted to use bad words against you all, but I’ll remain composed as this is the last time I’ll ever write to you. This past month of my life has been the worst month of my life, and it’s all your faults. You thought I wouldn’t hear all of those insults you said behind my back, but I’ve always had sharp ears. At first, I thought I could just let it go. I thought I would be able to take your harsh words and survive. But it was too harsh and you just never stopped. So, I quit. You guys don’t deserve me. So I’m leaving, hoping you’ll realize that. I was too good for you guys and this past month has made that fact clear. I hate you all and hope you rot in hell. I’ll never forget what you did to me. I hope you live in regret and despair over what you did to me. I hope you’ll never be able to recover from my death. I wished things could’ve been different. I wish we could’ve talked things out like we always did. But it's too late for that now. I hope you all live miserable lives and will never be able to forget what you did to me.
–– Signed, Jungwon, your executioner <3
And that’s what happened. They were never truly able to forget what they did to Jungwon. They lived in despair because they were never able to forget Jungwon. The boy cursed them for the rest of their lives, and they were never able to forget that as long as they lived. They lived under the curse of the boy forever, not daring to rid themselves of it for fear of facing the dead boy’s wrath. They lived with the guilt on their shoulders for the rest of their lives.
Fin