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Somewhere in Fourth East High School, there was a staircase that most people thought led nowhere. Or nowhere special, rather. Just another of the dozens of stairs that could take you up to the roof.
This one did open up to the rooftop, yes, but not the main area of it, which certain students so loved to frequent.
The area it hid was more private. Sectioned off by walls, so much so that most didn’t even realize it existed.
It was an area away from peering eyes. Away from the cruel gaze of the world. Only laying bare to the sky and the back of the school, facing abandoned apartment buildings.
How it wasn't more popular or known of by outcasts and loners was a mystery.
Denji didn’t wonder or care about any of that, as he made his way to the location. Even if there was some great conspiracy waiting to be uncovered here, then he at least was too tired and worn to care. Someone else could deal with it.
His sneakers squeaked on the bottom step of the stairway’s poured, smoothed concrete. He winced internally and looked around himself. Thankfully, there was no one around to hear it, or to follow him.
This small, inconspicuous stairway was tucked away next to a supply closet in one of the back corners of the school. Not many students paid it much mind, thanks to that alone. The stairs were old and unassuming. Basically never used. They were off limits, after all. That’s what the printed sign plastered at the bottom of it said, at least.
A grey, nondescript door, which also sported a similar ‘off limits’ sign, stood guard at the very top.
Denji near kicked it open, as he let himself onto this private roof. The sun beaming through the open door momentarily blinded him, while a gust of stale wind rustled his hair.
He’d been trying to get away from people for what felt like a short eternity now. After countless minutes, he’d finally been able to give them the slip, escaping to freedom. And there certainly was a surprising number of people he wanted to be away from currently.
Away from Yoshida’s constant hounding. It reminded him of Aki, except it lacked any of the good parts that Aki had brought…
Away from Fumiko’s uncomfortable attention. Her actions and affection stung too familiar. A whiff of Makima. A hint of the taste of alcohol mixed with vomit.
Away from the church fanatics’ incessant bullshit. He’d beat them all into the ground if he could. Show them the real chainsaw man. Not the fake pretender. Not Asa. He’d show them all!
Except he couldn’t get in trouble again…
Denji felt exhausted.
The roof was his escape. No one ever came here but him. When things grew too ass, it was nice to be alone and not have to think.
There was one problem with that, however. This time around, there was someone already here.
She turned around, look reflecting panic. Her pigtails swayed in the wind. The flutter of her uniform’s ribbon and skirt mimicked that of her hair.
Asa Mitaka.
“Oh!” she let out, as if Denji had walked in on her having a private conversation.
He had. It was one he would have been unable to hear regardless.
“Go away,” was all Denji could force out through the wearied fog of his mind.
“Excuse me?!” was Asa’s indignant reply.
“You’re in my spot.”
The wind rustled for a second.
“First you ditch me for the date you asked me on, then you ignore me for days and now this?! What do you mean ‘your spot’?! I was here first!”
“I’ve been coming here for weeks. I found it first, so finder’s keepers. And I didn’t ditch you! A thing with my roommate came up!” he replied, the fire in his heart burning away some of the exhaustion drumming in his head.
“You could have said that days ago!” she pushed back.
“Well, it’s not my fault you decided to steal chainsaw man’s job and steal his fame! I couldn’t find you the first few days, and suddenly you’re surrounded by chainsaw man’s hard-earned adoring fans and I can’t even talk to you!”
“A few days? You couldn’t find me for a few days?! Did you even try!”
Nayuta’s warning played in Denji’s mind. Even talking with this girl was like playing with fire.
“Well, kind of… Maybe… There was a lot happening, so…” he grumbled out under his breath.
This did nothing to quell the anger and hurt flaring in Asa’s too tight chest. Unseen apathetic eyes glared holes into them both from her side.
“Point is, you’re in my spot, and you stole chainsaw man’s fame, so go be famous somewhere else!” Denji persisted after a moment. Nayuta’s warning to stay clear was pushed aside. Telling her to leave barely counted as getting close, right? The opposite, actually.
“Who cares about his stupid fame! I came up here to get some peace and quiet, because of his stupid fame! Also, I found this place months ago! So by your stupid logic you should leave! Being pestered by people constantly is exhausting!”
That was a point they could both agree on, it seems.
“What’s it to you anyway? This has nothing to do with you. Or are you going to try and claim to be chainsaw man again?!” she continued.
This time instead of Nayuta, things Yoshida had said and done played on Denji’s mind. That was a lot more unbearable of a sensation.
“No. I’m not,” he forced out through gritted teeth. “But don’t you think he’d care about losing his fans? I’m sure they mean a lot to him, you know?”
“I’m not doing it because of that. I fight devils to keep people safe. I fight to help chainsaw man. If it affects his ability to be gross and sleep with his groupies, then good!”
“Chainsaw man doesn’t sleep with his fans. That’s never even been offered to him. Are they offering that to you?!” Denji said, tone somewhere between outraged and disappointed.
Asa looked scandalized. An invisible Yoru next to her barely held back laughter at the face her other half was pulling.
Asa choked on her own words for a minute before finally bursting out: “Are you calling me indecent?! What is wrong with you?! Are you a pervert as well as a creep?!”
“Who cares what I am! And you probably are in descent if you like stealing people’s hard-earned work and achievements!”
“I haven’t stolen anything! And it’s indecent, not descent, you idiot! If anything, you’re gross and indecent!”
“Am not!”
“Yes you are!”
“No you are!”
Asa looked as offended and outraged as ever, face pulling more and more of a grimace as they yelled. Yoru had long given up holding back her mocking laughter. She silently slapped her side as she pointed at her. This helped little in the current situation.
Asa’s eyes briefly flicked over to her double, before she continued. This time to make her stand against the blond idiot treating her like dirt, as well as her useless, cruel head mate.
“I am dignified and pure! An absolute innocent maiden who fake actresses and pop idols are all jealous of! I’ve never even kissed anyone before,” she stammered out before she could stop herself. She threw a hand over her mouth, eyes hurriedly darting away from Denji. Her face quickly turned burning red.
Denji gawked, also forgetting his filter. The minimal one he even pretended to have: “Huh?! But you literally kissed me when you came over to watch movies at my place. Are you telling me your first kiss was with me? Was the movie we were watc-” he cut himself off as Asa turned back to him, glaring harder than before. Somewhere out in Tokyo, the young control devil would’ve felt appalled and disappointed, had she known about what her brother was doing currently.
“What is wrong with you?! First you stand me up, but then you fantasize about the date and how it would have gone? There’s something seriously wrong with you, you know! You are a pervert. And your fantasy is stupid! Why would I ever kiss YOU? I don’t even like you! I’d rather let chainsaw man defile me, like he probably does with most of the loose women he likes to rescue! No morals, any of them. Well, unlike them, I at least have standards! And I’d still let him do gross stuff with me, way before I’d ever let you kiss me!”
“Really?” Denji replied in a hopeful tone.
Asa’s face burned bright red as a mortified expression washed over her features. She’d definitely let loose way more than she’d planned on saying. Twice now.
“Have your stupid spot then, creep!” she let out before rushing to the door leading back down to the school.
She was out the door before Denji could even process what he saw as she'd passed him. Sunlight reflected back something that looked out of place on her face. Wetness.
She was crying.
Denji just stared at the greying apartments looming back at him for a bit. His right hand landed on top of his messy hair, as he tussled it in growing frustration.
He definitely shouldn't do anything, right? Nayuta wouldn't approve. Nor would a number of people, actually. But Denji had nothing if he chose to ignore the few codes and truths he lived by. No matter how strained and frayed they'd become over the years.
He sighed and grumbled to himself, before bursting out the door after her.
He refused to be the type of guy who made women cry for no reason. Even if they were probably no good fame thieves.
Denji almost literally ran into Asa before the door behind him could even close. The girl had been sat in the middle of the stairway, curled in on herself. Forehead rested on arms, which rested on knees.
She jumped up in a jerky movement, before facing him. Her face was wet with tears. Denji cursed to himself again, but said nothing, mind drawing a blank.
An intense staring competition ensued.
In the comparative darkness of the stairwell, Denji could make out features that had been washed out by blinding sunlight before now. The usually barely present scars on the girl's face were stretched more than intense by the shadows. The chocolate eyes staring up at him read as almost red now.
Another moment of silence passed before Yoru finally cocked her head and spoke.
“Yes?!”
Denji's mind still refused him help. He went for it regardless.
“Asa, look I'm… I'm not a creep, ok? So you don't have to cry! I’m sorry, or whatever!”
The war devil barked out a laugh, raising the back of her hand to her mouth.
“Crying? How dare you. I've not cried once in my entire existence.”
“I can see you crying right now,” Denji said dully, pointing at her face.
“Foolish boy! It's obviously an illusion in your mind. Who would ever cry over a human?” she said with her whole chest.
This started a fight and power struggle in the dual mind of Asa and Yoru. Denji witnessed none of it, only noticing the girl in front of him fidget with her hands as she turned her back to him.
His mind was even emptier of words than usual. How were you supposed to respond to that?
Asa eventually won out, with Yoru reluctantly giving back control. She tried to subtly dry her face with the back of her sleeve, despite Denji definitely taking notice.
She finally turned back to stare down Denji. He noted how her face seemed softer and less scarred with the tears gone.
“There was something in my eye, is what I meant to say. You just, made me feel confused with how bad that apology was.” she said, puffing out her chest a little.
“I think it was pretty alright,” Denji replied.
This garnered a deep sigh from Asa.
“You drove me away from the spot you wanted to hog, just to leave right after. You say you want me to leave you alone? Why don't you leave me alone for once, like you did when I waited for you for hours and you never showed up!” her voice grew a little shaky, but she pushed past it.
“Look, like I said, stuff at home came up. There was a bit of an incident with my roommate and I couldn't really, uh, come meet you after. Sorry, okay?”
“You say that, but you don't actually mean it! I can tell! And you could've told me the next day, at least! Or any of the following days! But you didn't! What, did something with your roommate come up every single day that prevented you from at least pretending to care?!”
If only she knew how right she really was.
“Well, you didn't really try to talk to me either, so…” he tried pushing back weakly.
“It wasn't my job to! You ditched me! You should apologize! Properly!”
Asa's sad, accusatory stare cut like a knife. Denji felt tired. Angry. Something held back in him finally snapped.
“I'm sorry then! I mean it! What do you want from me? To beg like a dog? To kneel? I'll do it if you ask! I fucked up! I get you think or know I did or whatever, but please just. Either hate me forever or forgive me. I can't keep doing this! There's just so much shit constantly happening and I feel so tired and I don't even know what I should do or feel! So, I'm sorry, damn it, ok?”
Asa had taken half a step back in shock. She didn't know how to react or respond. Yoru, lacking knowledge on any normal human relationship, didn't know how to help her either.
“I… I don't know what you want from me, Denji” she got out, after a small pause. She played with the sleeves of her uniform as she looked away.
“I don't know what I want either. Bad shit just keeps happening and there's all this stuff I don't understand and I can't punch it to make it go away. Punching it just makes things worse. So you just don't…. Don't know any more…. What you want…” Denji carried on, burying his face in his palm.
He didn't think he'd ever felt this tired in his life before. Even though that was probably false.
“You… Feel like you're not in control of your life any more… I… I know what that feels like.” Asa said in a quiet voice, after a long pause of considered silence.
Yoru sent her a warning look.
“Yeah. Something like that, I guess.” Denji replied.
Silence settled between them again.
“How do you even… deal with any of it?” he asked in a small voice.
Asa thought it over for a bit. Yoru's burning stare still dug into her side. Asa told her to relax.
“I guess I… Just… Follow my gut and do the thing I want the most. And if I can't, I'll work towards it anyways? I guess I don't actually really know what I do to deal with it all. Sorry.”
Just do the first thing he wanted, huh? Follow your gut? What did he want the most right this moment?
A hug sounded nice.
Denji felt so worn, like he was about to collapse. It brought back memories of his first transformation.
He just wanted a pretty girl to hold him right now. Consequences be damned.
“Can I hug you?” Denji asked in a quiet voice.
Asa looked startled by that. She considered the boy in front of her for a bit.
After a small moment of wordless contemplation, something in her settled. She nodded a hesitant yes. Even she didn't know why.
That was all Denji needed to act.
With three large strides, he landed himself on the same step Asa was stood on. It made the girl take a small step back. Partly in surprise, partly to make room for him.
Denji wrapped his arms tightly around her shoulders.
Asa was drawn tight up against his body. The warmth and strong, desperate grip enveloped her entire being. She stood still and stiff as a board.
After a few moments, with no seeming change, she allowed herself to relax into him a little. Hesitantly and slowly, she rested her head on his shoulder. Unsure arms from under Denji’s strong ones awkwardly hugged him back, after a minute.
So much was rushing through her mind. She no longer knew what to think or feel. She just knew that the hug was warm and nice. Familiar somehow, although she couldn’t place it.
Thinking back, she couldn’t remember the last time someone had hugged her like this. Had they ever? Maybe mom…
She quickly stopped that line of thinking before everything around that started hurting again.
Yoru was thankfully keeping her distance. Hidden away somewhere, scheming on how to use this situation in the future.
“So… You don’t hate me? I thought you never met up with me for the date because you didn’t like me…” she mumbled into his shoulder.
Asa didn’t know where that had come from. Some part of her just desperately needed the confirmation that what she had assumed wasn’t the case. She really didn’t know why.
“Of course I like you, Asa. Why do you think I asked for a second date?” Denji spoke somewhere to the left of her. His chest vibrated in a pleasant way as he did.
Asa could feel her face catch on fire again. This was an unseemly amount of blushing. Yoru, somewhere in her brain, told her to get it together. She was ignored, as Asa lifted her head from his shoulder to look up at the boy embracing her.
Up this close, he was pretty nice looking… Strong features… Boyish charm… Manly strength…
Asa felt like her mind was blurring together. Yoru told her to get a grip.
Asa snaked a hand free and brought it up to Denji’s face. She carefully traced a cheekbone with her fingers.
Her whole body stiffened in shock once she realized what she had just done. She quickly pulled her hand away, to her side.
Denji just grinned down at her.
Great, he was mocking her!
Except, there was a softness to the smile that didn’t read as cruel.
Asa looked down and away. She didn’t know what to read into that smile, actually…
Denji loosened the tight hug a little. His left arm was still resting on Asa’s upper back. His right one softly landed on the underside of her chin. He carefully and softly brought it up, until Asa was face to face with him.
She finally dared look back at him again.
Follow your gut, huh?
“Can I kiss you?” Denji asked in a small, soft voice.
Asa’s entire body fully stiffened and straightened again. Her look that of a deer in headlights.
Fair enough, Denji thought. He let go of her chin and began pulling away, when the girl stopped him. Her hand clutched the front of his uniform in a tight grip.
They stayed like that for a bit. Gazing at each other. Studying each other’s features.
Soon enough something in Asa relaxed again. Slowly, she raised herself to stand on his level, slightly standing on her toes. She closed her eyes.
After a second of hesitation, she leaned in and closed the gap between them.
The kiss was awkward, but tender. Their noses bumped against each other at first, but they soon settled on an alright angle.
The kiss was brief. As soon as it began, it was over.
Denji would’ve complained, but the moment had been nice. As Asa pulled away from him fully, grinning ear to ear, he just softly smiled down at her.
“I, uh… Should be getting to class soon. Actually. Lunch break is almost over.”
She took a few steps away, down the stairs, putting some distance between them.
“Yeah. Of course.” Denji replied.
Asa didn’t move, however. She stood there as she brought her hand up to her lips as she almost seemed to inspect them. Denji observed in silence.
“Everything alright?” he tried soon after.
Asa looked frazzled, as if she had been caught unaware. She quickly took stock of her situation and replied with the first thing that came to mind.
“Yeah! I never thought my first kiss would be like that. I-” she cut herself off, before she revealed too much. Or said something stupid. Again.
“Well, uh. Hope you don’t mind, it was with me?” Denji tried.
This settled something even further in Asa, quickly putting her back to her usual frame of mind. Melting dreams of the handsome boy pushed aside for now.
“Just so you know, I lied, actually. This wasn’t my first kiss. I’ve kissed many guys before, so don't go thinking this makes you special or anything!”
Something unreadable flashed across her face once more. Her entire face flushed more than it already did.
“Not that many guys! The normal amount! Because I have standards, but I’m still fun and popular. And- and this wasn’t compromising my morals and standards, you know! I fully stand by everything I said earlier. I only kissed you because I felt bad for you. So you owe me!”
“Owe you?” Denji asked, barely keeping up with the ups and downs of this entire interaction. Women sure could be complicated…
“Yes! Owe me!”
“Owe you what? Like money or something?”
Asa was taken a back for a second, before retorting: “No. Obviously not! You think I go around kissing guys for money?!”
“I’d go around kissing girls for money if I could, and they wanted to,” Denji managed to shrug. This staggered Asa even more.
“W-well. I’m sure you’ll figure out some way to make this up to me,” she said before turning and finally making her way off of the stairwell.
“A date?” Denji threw out, before her figure completely vanished from view.
She froze mid-step. Her skirt swayed a little due to the suddenness of the stop. Her back was straight and stiff.
Denji waited a moment, but when the other didn’t turn around, he continued:
“I really mean it this time. Like I said, there was a reason why the last one uh- didn’t turn out, or whatever. So… Sorry about that time. But I’ll make sure I make it up to you, on the double! We can do anything you want this time. As long as it’s not going to my place. That might make things complicated again. But yeah! That’s my offer.”
Another beat of silence passed.
“So, what you think?” he tried.
Asa fidgeted with her hands. From where he stood, or rather due to who he was, he did not witness the debate going down between the two minds in front of him.
Eventually, Asa turned and faced him, the brown of her eyes looking up at him unsurely.
“I don't know if I can. I mean, I still don't want to waste too much money, plus I devil hunt after school, so I don't know if I have the time…”
Denji felt his face fall a little.
“Oh…”
“But! But, if you really insist, we could meet up here again. And do date stuff during the breaks. If you want?”
She was playing with her sleeves again and looking down.
Denji looked around them.
“What, you want to do stuff on these stairs? Doesn't sound too comfortable. And what sort of date stuff?”
Asa sighed.
“No, I obviously meant the roof! And you said you knew more about dating than me! You figure it out!”
“Oh.” Denji replied.
He considered his options for a moment.
"How about a picnic, then? During lunch break. I could make sandwiches and stuff."
Asa looked up at him, flushed. Nervous.
“T-that sounds nice, yeah…”
Someone hurried past her then, giving her an odd look as they went. This snapped Asa back to the moment.
“I really need to get to class!” she jogged in place a little. A slightly forced attempt to come off as charming to the boy watching her. “See you tomorrow then?” she said, voice failing to hide nervousness.
“Yes. See you here then!”
With that, she took off. Denji's eyes followed her as she went.
His head landed in his hands.
The hell had he gotten himself into? Nayuta was going to kill him if she ever found out! So would most guys of the chainsaw church, probably.
Guess he needed to be sneaky about it then.
This got Denji's heart pumping faster.
If he couldn't be chainsaw man for the time being, then sneaking around with a cute girl would have to be more than enough excitement for now.
As he left the stairs behind him for today, Denji felt less tired. The stairs to nowhere had led him to something special. Something that reminded him, that there were still thrills he could cling to in his precious life. He hoped the happiness in his chest was Pochita's way of encouragement.