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“Of course you wouldn’t know. You don’t even know if he had to wear prescription glasses.”
“That’s kinda harsh, Sarada.”
Sakura should’ve seen the signs. They were probably all over the place, up to her face but she had brushed it all aside. Sarada was such an easy child to get along with but all this time she was growing frustrated, resentful.
“How can you call yourself his wife?”
She wasn’t doing the best job and she couldn’t blame Sarada. It was normal for someone to be curious. It wasn’t her fault Sakura wasn’t qualified to give her the answers she sought. Okay maybe she was somewhat, it's just that she didn’t want to. Why tarnish a perfect image of someone?
“I need to know. Are you actually married to my father?”
She was young, was it wrong to want her to be safe in an ignorant blissful bubble? It’s not like parenting came with a handbook, but she figured it was best that family skeletons were left for when she was older, with Sasuke present. It was his story to tell not just hers after all.
“What’s weird is the relationship you have with my dad. And it’s not just kinda weird. It’s definitely weird.”
Before she knows it she’s cracked the ground with her fist.
“I am so sorry I raised my voice. Your father is on a mission but it will end one day and then he’ll come home.” She hoped. Oh, how she hoped.
“You still believe that will happen? But you’ve been apart for such a long time now! Maybe he doesn’t even remember he has a family back home anymore!” There are tears running down her daughter's face.
She hated this.
“Your dad and I...our feelings connect us to each other so don’t worry.”
She wanted to believe it with all her heart but as years went by she felt doubt take hold. All she had was her daughter. Sarada, her precious gift. Her constant in her life. She saw so much of her and Sasuke in her. She was what their love bore, after all.
“You always sound so confident but how can you be sure?”
Words escaped her. She wanted to say, “because you exist” but seeing the wreck that was their house took precedence. All at once the fatigue from work she had been fighting came crashing down. That last use of chakra and Sarada’s confrontation took its toll as she flopped on the ground.
“The loan hasn’t been paid off,” she moaned.
Sakura was tired, weary.
Lying in bed in the hospital she couldn’t help but sob. This wasn’t what she pictured her life being. She didn’t envision herself alone, raising a child. She didn’t imagine herself to be spread so thin, a shell of her former self.
What happened to me?
With effort she reaches for some tissues and lets herself cry. And cry. And she cries until she can’t anymore. Her head hurts as does her chest. Her eyes are in that weird territory of wanting to be shut but sore and wanting to be open.
It was a good ugly cry.
She lets out a shuddering breath, glad Sarada wasn’t there. She had sent her to stay with her parents for the night. Tomorrow they would dig through the wreckage of their home and figure things out.
Tomorrow she will try to fix things between her and her daughter.
Sarada finds the photograph of Team Taka and she knows there's no dismissing the subject.
"For a bit your father turned his back on the leaf. Those were his comrades." She pointed to Karin. "That's Karin, she's a talented ninja and the one who delivered you."
Sarada's eyes widened.
"I went on a mission with your father while I was pregnant with you," she explained. "And well...you were ready to see the world. I'm forever grateful Karin was there. She made sure we were healthy and well after the delivery."
"You went on a mission while you were pregnant?!"
Sakura chuckles sheepishly. "Not one of my best moments, no."
Sarada just looked at her mother in disbelief before sighing. "So...dad's mission that's been going on for years?"
“Your father’s mission is to protect the Leaf Village,” she says almost in a whisper.
For a moment she can just see the memory play out in her mind’s eye. A young couple who had just started a family. Then the possibility of a powerful enemy to emerge and ruin what they had just built rears its ugly head. Sakura remembers wanting to scream and punch at everything in reach. The only thing that stopped her, calmed her, was Sarada in her arms. Her precious daughter. They had to think of her future. It wasn’t so hard to decide after that. Sakura didn’t like it but her personal feelings could be put aside for Sarada. Sasuke agreed.
“You see, we fought so hard to earn the peace we have today. Sasuke's determined to keep what we've fought for because he’s the only one who can right now.” She holds Sarada’s hand in hers. “We made a lot of dumb choices in our youth and,” she swallowed, having difficulty even admitting it, “your father, in particular, made some he isn’t proud of so he feels that this is the way to make up for them.”
“What do you mean?”
“I know you don’t want to hear this,” she paused, seeing her daughter’s disappointed expression, “but I feel like that’s something you need to hear from him. It’s his story and I don’t feel right trying to tell it.” She wiped at her eyes with her free hand, sniffling. “Just know he loves you so very much. You’re his legacy, Sarada.”
“I just...wish he was here.”
“I know, I know and I wish the same thing.”
She pulled her into her arms, embracing her. “I don’t know how long this mission will take but know he’s thinking of you as he fights whatever dangers he comes across.”
"You sound so sure," Sarada says with a hiccup.
"There's a lot of things that I'm uncertain about, Sarada, but how much your father loves you isn't one of them."
Things are a bit rocky after explaining things to her daughter. Sakura doesn't blame her. She would have a hard time figuring things out if she were in Sarada’s shoes. She’s just glad that the talk went as well as it did. She had expected a blowup of some kind but it didn’t happen.
Hell, I still have trouble figuring shit out, she thinks sadly to herself.
Speaking of things figured out...
“Ino after our trip I’ve realized, I’m unhappy.”
She had gone out with her friend for a couple drinks. The Yamanaka seemed excited. Too excited. Sakura guessed she needed some adult time too. Goodness knows Sakura needed to talk to someone who wasn’t her daughter or her mother. Ino had been wanting to hang out more so it was perfect.
“You just realized, huh?”
Ino had been thoughtful, taking her to the spot where she and Sasuke spent (short) time together a few weeks back. She sat on that bench by the seaside basking in memories and at first it was nice. She was away from work, away from the stress. And a guilty part of her was glad to be away from Sarada. But the longer she stayed the easier it was to see all the flaws in the memories and for guilt to creep.
Sakura sighed. “I suppose I’ve been unhappy for a long time.”
“A very, very long time.”
She wanted to be angry. She wanted to accuse Ino of being a bad friend for not pointing it out sooner but then she realized that she probably wouldn’t have listened. Ino would’ve been wasting her breath. Ino always was the smart one when it came to emotions.
She rested her head on the bar top. “Why did it take so long?”
“You wanted to be happy, Sakura,” Ino’s voice is gentle and for that she’s grateful. “Anyone in your position would have probably done the same. Things are always messy when children are involved.”
Tears are threatening to fall. “I love Sarada so much and she deserves a family that’s whole, Ino!”
She feels her friend’s hand on her back. “Does any of what you have seem whole to you, Sakura?”
“But Sasuke deserves a family to come home to!”
His family had been massacred. He deserved a clean slate, didn’t he? A home filled with life. A light on the porch, an open door with her and Sarada waiting to welcome him.
Ino continued rubbing circles on her back. “Everyone does, Sakura but it isn’t fair what this is doing to you.” Her hand moved to pet her hair instead. “You fought hard for your happily ever after too, dummy.”
She felt her breath hitch.
“You should find a way to talk to Sasuke.”
"You're right."
She didn’t want to see Sasuke again like this. She had wanted him returned home, ready to be the father of their child. Her loving husband. She wanted to be bursting with happiness and ready to coax affection from him.
Thankfully, he had been in the area and Naruto had let her go along to meet with him. Neither of them were open to discuss whatever it was Sasuke found out. It pissed her off but at the same time she knew she couldn’t be distracted. She came to talk to Sasuke about their family and there was no point in muddying that up. She had to trust that those two knew what they were doing when it came to the protection of the village and left it at that.
Naruto decided to patrol around them, giving them privacy. The woods were fairly quiet, the sun still high in the sky. Not a cloudy day. It was almost annoying how nice it was out.
They got the formalities out of the way. She had told him everything that had gone on with their daughter. Then slowly she segued to talk about their marriage. It was hard to get the words out at first but the more she was able to force out the easier it became. A weight lifting. Sasuke would know how she felt.
“I’m sorry, Sasuke.”
Sasuke shook his head. “No, I’m the one who should be sorry. You shouldn’t have to apologize to me.”
“We both made choices that seemed like a good idea at the time but,” she sighed. “They didn’t really turn out, huh?”
“I don’t want you to be unhappy. I never did.” His gaze is on her but at the same time she can’t help but feel it’s also very far away. “I think that's why a part of me wanted to drive you away for so long. It never worked and I never understood why.”
She smiled wanly. “It’s because I was convinced I could help you and for a little bit I think I did. I hope I did.”
“You did,” his voice is soft and she feels her heart clutch in her chest.
“Thank you.”
He moved closer, his hand hesitant like he wanted to reach for her but thought better of it. “I wish we could’ve tried this the right way but fate had other plans.”
A sad laugh tumbled out of her mouth. “Be honest. You couldn’t have stayed long anyway.” She held her hand to her chest. “You still think you don’t deserve to be happy, that you need to repent.”
Reluctantly, he nodded.
“No matter what me or Naruto say, it'll never be enough for you to stay.” She wiped her eyes. “Even if you weren’t on this mission you’d find a way...the village didn’t treat you or your family right, I understand and I’m sorry.”
Sasuke says nothing.
She swallows to catch her breath and his gaze drifts elsewhere. Once her breathing is in control she gets into the meat of things.
“I don’t want to think about it anymore so I think the best course of action is a divorce.” She pulled out a folder from her bag. “I’ll need your signature and I’ll have Naruto finalize it.”
“What about Sarada?”
She had stayed married to Sasuke for her sake. Well, mostly for her sake. She also wanted it to work out so bad. She had held on to the dream that he would come home and they could be a family. But it wasn’t in the cards. Her daughter might be young but she wasn’t naive. She could see how unhappy her mother was. She wasn’t sure how she would react but felt like once they talked things would be okay.
“I trust that our daughter will forgive us.” She pulled out a pen. “I don’t expect it to happen overnight but I’ll talk to her.”
That seemed to satisfy Sasuke as he nodded.
The two looked over the divorce papers and before they knew it they were all signed.
“Once this activity slows down, I want to visit her.”
“I think she’d like that.”
“I’ll bring her a gift.” He titled his head. “What kind of things does she like? Ninja weapons? She’s a girl so maybe a doll?”
Sakura couldn’t help but giggle. “Anything you bring her will make her happy, Sasuke because seeing you will trump anything you hand her.”
There’s something liberating about being Sakura Haruno again. She’d be a liar if she said she didn’t enjoy being an Uchiha for the time she was but the name carried a lot of weight. Sometimes she strained under it to shield her daughter. There was peace but Sasuke’s other deeds weren’t easy to forget. Her name was her own again but she was still Sarada’s mother. A family of two. In that respect nothing changed after the divorce was finalized.
“This feels so weird,” Naruto commented. “It almost feels like you’re both jumping the gun.”
Sakura shook her head. “No, we should’ve done this sooner.”
“If you say so.”
It took some time but the two found a new place to live. As much as she loved getting to catch up with her parents she enjoyed her own space too much. Sarada seemed to appreciate it too, not used to her doting grandparents for long periods of time. She really was her father’s daughter.
“What do you think?”
They had just finished unpacking and while there were still some loose ends here and there, she deemed them done.
Sarada adjusted her glasses. “I think that as long as you don’t punch anything we’ll be fine.”
Sakura couldn’t help but laugh. “I promise I’m gonna work on that!”
“Oh?”
She nodded. “I’m gonna train when I have the free time.” Her eyes lit up. “Oh! We can train together if you’d like! Chakra control could give you a leg up on the final exams!”
Sarada shrugged. “Sure, I guess that would be fine.”
“I’m sure you have a knack for it! You are my daughter after all.” She grinned. “I might not have the sharingan but I know how to pack a punch! Cha!”
Sarada couldn’t help but giggle. “Okay, mom.”
“I’ll let you know when I’m free and I’ll pack us some food! It’ll be fun!” She had to find the bento boxes, they had to be around somewhere in this mess.
“I can’t wait.