Chapter Text
The feelings had been festering for a while now, nestled quietly beneath the surface. But now he had a girlfriend, and wasn't he supposed to be content? Yet, Aaron couldn't ignore the subtle discomfort he felt every time he was near her. He couldn't stand the way her scent clung to his senses or how her lip gloss left an unpleasant stickiness on his lips after their occasional kisses. So what if they rarely spent time together? Aaron had his studies to blame for that. It didn't matter that his stomach somersaulted every time he saw Kevin, or that his heart raced and his mind went dizzy. Aaron had a girlfriend, a girlfriend he kind of, sort of liked—but that was beside the point. Aaron wasn't gay, and Kevin certainly wasn't either.
"Aaron, we're leaving. Wait, is that what you're wearing?" Nicky's voice cut through the room as he stood in the doorway, eyeing Aaron up and down. "Stop staring, Nicky," Aaron retorted, closing his textbook. Yes, he had bought new clothes, and no, he didn't need Nicky's running commentary on them. The outfit, unintentionally, had a touch of what Andrew might wear. Aaron snatched his black coat from the chair, sliding it on as the cool night air brushed against his skin.
"Did your girlfriend go shopping with you?" Nicky's smirk was evident in his tone as they made their way outside. "Yes," Aaron answered simply, adjusting the coat as a gust of cold air greeted them.
Andrew's car engine was already purring softly, and Aaron's stomach seemed to somersault as he spotted Neil's unmistakable red hair in the front seat—instead of the usual raven locks that typically occupied the space. The door opened, and a rush of warm air embraced him as aaron slid into the backseat. To Aaron's surprise, Kevin was already seated in the middle, his tall frame consuming a significant portion of the space. Their eyes met fleetingly, a connection that made Aaron's skin feel oddly heated. He was grateful for the chilly air that caused a flush on his cheeks as he slipped into the backseat, settling on Kevin's right side.
Andrew claimed the driver's seat, further compressing the space in the back as Nicky squeezed in on Kevin's other side. Wanting to maintain a distance from Kevin, Aaron edged closer to the window. However, keeping that distance proved futile. The squabbling between Kevin and Nicky provided a mere distraction as Kevin, with unexpected boldness, lifted Aaron's leg. His hands slid beneath Aaron's knee, raising it gently as he maneuvered his own leg underneath.
"What the fuck?"
Aaron's voice remained a mix of surprise and bewilderment, his attempt to pull his leg away only for Kevin to shift once again. "Nicky's legs take up, like, half the car," Kevin commented, his irritation directed at Nicky. "Both of you are giants," Aaron retorted as he shifted in his seat, his leg still positioned over Kevin's. Kevin's gaze lingered on him, his response like a low-key challenge. "Or you're just tiny."
Aaron's mind churned as he attempted to distract himself during the car ride, his leg awkwardly draped over Kevin's. He battled his internal turmoil, struggling against memories of his mother's abuse and ridicule that always resurfaced when he thought of Kevin. Yet, for all his efforts, he couldn't seem to shake the exy player from his mind—Kevin's legs, his arms, his face, his scent, all coiling around Aaron's thoughts.
Drinking wasn't exactly Aaron's usual pastime, but lately, it seemed to offer some sort of escape. He knocked back a fourth shot of vodka, feeling the burn as it seared down his throat. Nicky patted his back, playfully noting, "If you keep that up, you'll out-drink Kevin, our local alcoholic." Laughter accompanied the comment, but Aaron's gaze drifted across the table to where Kevin sat. Six empty shot glasses stood in front of him, yet he seemed composed, sipping casually at his drink. Aaron raised an eyebrow, half in disbelief. "I don't think anyone can out-drink Kev, even if they tried," Aaron replied, shrugging off Nicky's touch.
As the night progressed, Aaron's girlfriend, called, but he chose to ignore it, letting the call go unanswered. Nicky eventually left for the dance floor, leaving Aaron and Kevin alone at the table.
"Having a fight?" Kevin's voice reached across the table, his dark hair falling across his face. He blew it away with a huff, his eyes fixed on Aaron. Aaron's gaze refused to meet Kevin's head-on, but his peripheral vision captured Kevin's intent stare. Instead, he focused on a couple dancing behind Kevin on the dance floor.
"No, just not interested in talking about prom, what to wear, how she's styling her hair, or whatever trivial nonsense she wants to discuss," Aaron responded. Kevin leaned back, a laughter that carried a hint of bitterness escaping him. "Thank god I'm free from all that now."
Aaron's focus zeroed in on Kevin as he absorbed the revelation. They had broken up a few weeks ago? The surprise colored his voice as he questioned, "You guys broke up?"
Kevin seemed to wrestle with his thoughts, his lips pressing together as he took a sip from his drink. "Yeah, a few weeks ago. I guess I just don't want a constant reminder of what happened," Kevin's voice wavered slightly, and his gaze dropped to his scar-covered hand. There was a distant look in his eyes that Aaron couldn't quite decipher. An unexpected surge of anger coursed through Aaron's veins.
"What a bitch," Aaron blurted out, his frustration over Thea's nonchalant attitude spilling over. Kevin's reaction was swift; his fist clenched, and his eyes met Aaron's, intense and raw. "Maybe she was right," Kevin's voice was barely audible, carrying a weight of self-doubt.
The anger that surged in Aaron was instantaneous, a potent mixture of frustration and a desire to protect Kevin from his own insecurities. "Fuck you," Aaron spat out, his words laced with venom. He didn't want to delve into the truth of what he had said, the complex feelings it stirred within him.
In a quick, decisive motion, Aaron got up from his chair, his steps purposeful as he moved toward the exit. He was almost out the door when he felt Kevin's large, warm hand on his arm, effectively halting his escape. The touch sent a jolt through him, and he reluctantly turned around. Kevin pulled him against the wall, their proximity heightened in the dim lighting and the pulsating rhythm of the music. Aaron's back was pressed to the wall, and he silently cursed himself for letting things escalate to this point.
"Your leaving?" Kevin's voice was close, his breath mingling with Aaron's. Aaron's instinct was to flee, to escape the intensity of the moment, but he stood his ground, jaw clenched.
"Yeah," Aaron's voice was tense, and he attempted to move away. Kevin's arm blocked his path, and his voice was persistent.
"Why?"
Kevin's question hung in the air, laden with a mix of curiosity and something Aaron didn't dare to name. “Because you really think you deserved what they did to you?” Aaron's words cut through the charged atmosphere, his gaze locked onto Kevin's. The alcohol in his system seemed to have loosened his tongue in a way he hadn't anticipated, pushing him to voice thoughts that had remained hidden. He pressed on, the tremor in his voice revealing the undercurrent of anger and vulnerability in his confession. "You're pathetic if you think what they did to you isn't monstrous. You're acting like Josten."
The room seemed to hold its breath, time suspended in the wake of Aaron's emotional outburst. Kevin's eyes remained fixed on Aaron, an expression of surprise mingling with an unspoken intensity. Then, Kevin blinked, grappling with the weight of Aaron's words. "So it's true then?" Kevin's voice was quiet, tinged with uncertainty, a note that sent a tremor through Aaron.
"What is true?" Aaron's response was a mixture of defensiveness and a feeble attempt at veiling his internal turmoil.
"You like Neil," Kevin stated, the words hanging in the air like a challenge. Aaron's heart seemed to pause, his anger momentarily eclipsed by confusion and a trace of trepidation.
"What the fuck are you talking about?" Aaron's response was a mix of defensiveness and genuine bewilderment. He had thought that Kevin might be aware of his feelings. Aaron couldn't fathom how Kevin had arrived at the conclusion that he liked Neil from their earlier conversation.
Kevin withdrew his arm from the wall, his gaze unwavering. "Well, you've started dressing like Andrew, and every time you look at them, you get this look on your face. Ergo, you like Neil." Kevin's words were delivered with an unexpected certainty, and Aaron found himself utterly speechless.
"F—fuck, man, you're drunker than I thought." Aaron stammered, his voice a mix of incredulity and frustration. His cheeks flushed with embarrassment and anger at the misinterpretation. He needed to get out of this situation, away from the intensity of the conversation. "I have a girlfriend, Kevin. I don't like Neil. I'm not gay," Aaron's words came out almost defensively, and with that, he pushed past Kevin, leaving the chaotic swirl of emotions behind him.
The cool night air worked its sobering magic on Aaron, grounding him in reality. He leaned back against the wall, tilting his head to gaze up at the cloudy, dark night sky. His phone buzzed in his pocket again, and he retrieved it with a sigh.
"Katelyn," Aaron answered, his attempt to sound nonchalant falling short of hiding his slight irritation. He knew it wasn't her fault that he felt so tangled up inside.
"Aaron, are you okay? You sound a little out of it," her voice carried genuine concern, a tone that made Aaron want to shake his head at his own predicament. Why couldn't he just feel what he was supposed to feel for her?
"I'm fine, just had a little too much to drink," Aaron replied, rubbing his forehead in a futile attempt to alleviate the internal chaos.
"Are you out with the boys?" Katelyn inquired.
"Yeah," Aaron responded briefly, the word hanging in the air before he fell silent. An idea suddenly popped into his head, surprising even him. "We should go on a date," he blurted out without overthinking it. He could hear Katelyn shifting on the other end of the line.
"A date?" Her voice held a mixture of surprise and excitement, and the sheer contrast with Aaron's own conflicted emotions was stark.
"Yeah, we've been dating for a while, and I've never taken you out on a proper date," Aaron explained, trying to muster the same enthusiasm he could hear in Katelyn's voice. It was a struggle, the weight of his own emotional mess making it hard to put on a convincing show.
"Sounds great, Aaron!" Katelyn's enthusiasm spilled through the phone. Aaron offered a small nod, his internal struggles still gnawing at him. "This weekend? I'll pick you up."
"Perfect! Oh, and Aar—" Whatever else Katelyn was about to say got cut off as Aaron abruptly ended the call. He slipped the phone back into his pocket, remaining outside until the rest of the group had finished partying.
The next morning, the blaring alarm clock jolted Aaron awake, a dull headache already present. For the usual five minutes, he lay in bed, the incessant noise of the alarm contrasting with the sounds of Andrew and Nicky moving about in their beds. This daily routine served as his moment of contemplation, whether to rise from bed or to stay cocooned in its comfort. So far, the answer had always been to get up, albeit slowly. Retrieving a towel from the bedpost, Aaron noticed a tuft of red hair peeking out from behind Andrew. Andrew was already awake, his typical demeanor, one arm beneath his head and the other lighting a cigarette, irked Aaron's senses. He rolled his eyes, stepping over to slide open the window beside Andrew's bed.
Kevin's bunk lay above Andrew's, his form still lost in sleep. One of Kevin's long legs dangled out from under the covers, and Aaron found himself staring for a moment. The loud clearing of Andrew's throat followed by a solid upward kick aimed at Kevin's leg brought Aaron's attention back to the present. He didn't linger, not even sparing a glance at Andrew as he left the room and headed for the shower.
The morning routines in the dorm were well-established. Exiting his shower, Aaron discovered Nicky and Kevin in their usual positions by the counter, engaged in their breakfast. Andrew was stationed by the window, his cigarette in hand, and Neil, the ever-present shadow, stood by him, munching on cereal. Aaron's gaze shifted to his twin, a pang of something he didn't quite want to label hitting him. Andrew might never seem happy, but he had Neil, something Aaron found himself envying. Perhaps, if he gave it time, he could find a similar connection with Katelyn. He moved through the motions, preparing his breakfast and devouring it with haste before departing for school.
While they typically rode to school together, Aaron opted for a solitary walk this time. The morning air was crisp and invigorating, yet his mind was consumed with thoughts of Kevin's intense gaze against the wall. Shaking his head to clear the images, he pondered what to do for his upcoming date with Katelyn. It was only Wednesday, providing him with ample time to plan. He knew Katelyn liked flowers, so he made a mental note to buy some. Beyond that, he had no concrete ideas, considering a movie but needing to check if there was anything worth watching.
Classes offered a welcomed distraction. Medicine had always intrigued Aaron, solidifying his desire to become a doctor. At lunch, Katelyn awaited him. He took a seat across from her, only half-listening to her rambling. His attention sparked when he heard Kevin's name.
"Kevin?" Aaron queried, his tone hushed, almost conspiratorial, as if he expected Kevin to materialize at any moment. Katelyn nodded, a faint smile curving her lips as she took a bite of her sandwich. "Yeah, I mean, I know it's a lot to ask for, especially since Andrew isn't really fond of me," she admitted around her food.
Aaron nodded, though he wasn't entirely sure of the context. "So, um, what about Kevin?" he inquired, taking a sip of water. Katelyn rolled her eyes, her irritation palpable. "I was asking if you could talk to him about maybe tutoring me in history."
"You're failing history?" The question escaped Aaron before he could stop it. Had she mentioned this before? He struggled to remember.
Katelyn's cheeks flushed with a mixture of anger and frustration. "Yes, Aaron, we've talked about this multiple times," she retorted, her irritation evident. Pushing away her half-eaten sandwich, she stood abruptly. "Just ask him," she threw over her shoulder as she left. Aaron let out a sigh, sinking back in his seat, feeling guilty for forgetting such a significant detail.
It wasn't that Aaron didn't care about Katelyn; he genuinely did. She was kind, compassionate, intelligent — everything he should want in a partner. At the beginning of their relationship, he had believed he loved her, thinking he had finally found the connection he yearned for with a girl. But that initial spark had faded as time went on. Aaron knew that Katelyn still felt that way, he could see it in her eyes. Even now, as he treated her poorly, he could sense the remnants of her love for him, a feeling he struggled to comprehend.
Aaron's last class ended earlier than usual, so he found himself waiting by Andrew's car. Seated and leaning against a tire, his concentration was broken by a shadow falling over his textbook. Kevin's presence pulled him out of his studying. Kevin set his duffle bag down in front of Aaron before taking a seat on the hood of the car, his legs dangling next to Aaron.
"Skipping class? That's not like you," Kevin remarked casually. Aaron, engrossed in his textbook, replied without looking up, "Didn't realize you knew my schedule."
"I know everyone's schedule. Puts my mind at ease," Kevin responded, his legs swaying lightly. Katelyn's request floated into Aaron's mind.
"You know Katelyn?" Aaron started, his gaze shifting from the pages to Kevin. Kevin's hum indicated acknowledgment. "She asked me to ask you if you could tutor her in history," Aaron continued, closing his textbook and meeting Kevin's gaze.
"She wants my help? If Andrew knew about this—"
"Then don't let him know," Aaron interjected, his tone firm.
"Fine," Kevin responded curtly, picking up his duffle bag and slinging it over his shoulder. Aaron noticed the approaching footsteps and looked up to see Andrew, accompanied by Neil. He quickly averted his gaze and got to his feet and climbed in the car with the rest of them.