Archive of Our Own

Eddie still remembers the look on his face.

The emptiness. The lack of realization.

He genuinely believes that it didn’t really kick in what had happened. Not until days after. Weeks. Maybe ever. Not like Eddie would know.

The left front tire of Eddie’s truck has been making an annoying sound for two weeks now. It’ll probably take another two weeks before it annoys Eddie enough to actually do something about it. Sure, he’s a mechanic, but he doesn’t get paid to fix his own car, so…

Well, let’s just say he’d rather sit on the couch when he gets off, than spend even more time with motor oil on his hands.

So he ignores it, focusses on the road again.

His scream still replays in Eddie’s nightmares. A lot of horrifying sounds do. There’s Chrissy Cunningham’s bones snapping, for example, or the disgusting and terrible echo of millions of tiny bat teeth digging into Eddie’s flesh, ravaging him like he was the best meal ever tasted-

But Steve screaming. That’s what always gets to him. Wakes him up. Makes him cry. Makes him feel it all over again.

Steve.

Steve, man.

It was horrifying, really. He probably didn’t even realize he’d screamed. Eddie’s sure of that. He screamed, in a way that’d even five years later wake Eddie up in a sweat, and collapsed and just broke down but…

But later, when he woke up in the hospital, and even later when he sat in his own bed and hadn’t eaten in days, he just…

He just stared. He was just so empty. So goddamn empty.

Eddie’s hands tighten around the steering wheel.

“You’re doing it again.”

Eddie sighs, loosens his hands up, shoots a look over to where Erica Sinclair’s sitting in his passenger seat, all glossy lips, long braided hair and gorgeousness.

16’s looking good on her.

Eddie still sometimes can’t believe it. She was so young when she got into this mess. She had to grow up so quickly. They all did, but Erica…Erica was 10. Ten years old. And…well, she’s still Erica Sinclair but she’s gotten quiet. Quieter. It hurts sometimes, to think about it.

“I know,” he says.

“Eddie, it’s okay that today’s hard. It is on all of us.”

“I know,” Eddie repeats. “I just-” He sighs again, clenches his jaw, unclenches it. “Never mind.”

They ride in silence. He picked her up from school. She’s missing her last two classes today but her parents wrote her a note. A memorial is a good excuse apparently. Not even shithead Higgins can say anything about grieving someone who passed away. Especially not if it’s a former student. He even held a moment of silence for her, Erica told him.

Eddie wants to hate that pretentious idiot, but that’s actually kind of sweet.

And Robin deserves it. Deserved.

Whatever. Eddie still hates thinking about her in past tense.

It’s a normal thing though, him picking Erica up. He does it every day. She doesn’t have a car and though she could always get a ride from her boyfriend (yeah, Eddie still hasn’t really wrapped his head around that either, but he’s a good kid) or other friends, she prefers Eddie.

Would never say it, of course not, she’s Erica Sinclair, so she pretends it’s because Bobby has basketball and Tina lives so far from her (it’s Hawkins, nothing’s ever far), so it “just makes more sense this way” but…really, she just loves their little tradition of lunch at New Benny’s, Eddie knows that.

And Eddie goes out of his way to take his lunch break around that time, every day. Because he also loves it.

She’s the only real reason he’s still here after all. Well, her and Wayne, but mostly her.

Because when it was all over and he had actually graduated (because Nancy is one badass tutor), and him and Wayne had moved into a small little house Sponsored By Government, he made a deal with himself to not leave Hawkins until all of his little sheep made it out of there too.

So while Jon left for California again and Nancy for college because she’s the smartest girl on the planet and will change the world (!), Eddie got a job at Trucks’n’Tires and his uncle could finally Retire Sponsored By Government a little.

And then, two years ago, they had the biggest graduation party this town had ever seen (it was for six people at once, after all) and it was a goodbye from Joyce and Hopper at the same time, because now, with their kids done with school they could finally leave Hawkins behind for good too.

And then suddenly they were all gone and Eddie-

Eddie realized that they weren’t all gone. That Little Erica Sinclair still had a couple years to go.

So.

He stayed.

She’s one of his little sheep.

She’s Lil’ Sheep No 1 actually, now. He loves her so much. And wants to protect her forever. And, yes, Erica already has an older brother, a really good one actually, Eddie would never want to replace him, couldn’t even if he tried, obviously, Erica and Lucas are siblings in every sense of the word.

But…they just have a bond, him and Erica. They were the only Party members left in this shit hole of a town. The only ones they could talk to about all the trauma. The only ones who answered their walkies in the middle of the night. The only ones who’d get it.

They’ve gotten close. That’s it. They’re close. They have a strange kind of trauma and nerd bond and Eddie’s a second big brother to her, in some way. He’s even pretty good with Charles and Sue.

They first met him in the hospital, after Vecna Round 1, when they were trying to get Lucas to leave Max’s side for two seconds and go home to take a shower but Erica wanted to check on Eddie, so they came with her.

Sue once told him, that as soon as she witnessed the way her daughter’s eyes lit up when Eddie, still high off his ass on pain meds, grasped Erica’s hand, called her Lady Applejack and got her to giggle when he reassured her in a stupid tone that he was gonna be fine, she understood that he was a good guy and they could trust him.

To be completely honest Eddie doesn’t even remember that encounter. But in the aftermath of Vecna Round 2 he once tried to explain to them that he actually really wasn’t a murderer or satanist and they could trust their children to be around him, because he wasn’t dangerous, Sue took his hand and said, “You made my daughter smile when she was just a shadow of herself, I know you aren’t” and the rest is history, really.

“You can be angry, you know?” Erica says now.

Eddie just shoots her another look. “Angry?”

Erica sighs. “You know what I’m talking about. Or, well, I know what you’re on about. Yes, today’s about Robin and how much we all miss her and-” her voice wavers, but she composes herself, “and how amazing she was, but-” she shrugs. “But it sucks, that he’s not here. And as much as you’re…grieving that too, you’re allowed to be angry.”

Eddie blinks, bites on his bottom lip.

“Yeah,” he says. “I know.”

“Any other vocabulary in that brain of yours, today?” Erica asks and Eddie can hear in the tone of her voice that she’s raised on of her perfectly plucked brows.

“Shut up,” he says, rolling his eyes, but she gets a smile out of him.

They’re here, anyway. Eddie parks his truck next to a car with a Chicago license plate, so it’s gotta be Lucas and Max’s. The rest of them are scattered along the East Coast, with Nancy and Dustin in Boston and Will, El and Mike in New York City.

Except for Hopper and Joyce, they didn’t move very far, just about an hour outside of Indy. They’re engaged, Eddie remembers. Have been for a while. He secretly thinks they’re waiting for something to happen. Someone to happen.

To come back. He was Hopper’s kid in a way, after all.

Erica and him get out of the car, Eddie grabs the flowers from the back and locks it.

They walk up to the little chapel in silence, a heavy one, filled with sadness. There’s a group of people gathered in front of the doors and Eddie starts smiling a little, because there they are. Their family.

“Erica, Eddie!” Lucas is the first to spot them, breaks from the group and jogs towards them to pull his little sister into a hug. Erica clings to him, squeezes him tight and Eddie watches with a smile. Accepts the hug Lucas offers him, when they break apart.

“Hey man,” Eddie says. “Thanks for being here.”

“Where the hell else would I be?” Lucas asks and they walk up to the others together.

Eddie’s filled with love in his heart, as Max pulls him into a strong hug next, whispering soft words in his ear. Eddie sighs. He missed them all so much. It sucks that this is why they’re all together again, but he missed them so. much.

They all hug and give each other cheek kisses and soft “I missed you”s and “Great to see you”s and Hopper and Joyce give the best hugs, and god, Dustin grew up so much, Eddie almost feels like crying. He’s ditched his cap for the memorial (because he still wears one like every day) and his hair sits atop his head in wild curls and his smile is so, so sad it breaks Eddie’s heart.

“Who’s this?” Eddie asks and bends down to pet the Labradoodle who’s leash is loosely wrapped around Dustin’s belt.

“That’s uh- Rob,” Dustin introduces him with a choked off undertone and Eddie stills for a second. Of course Dustin would do that. Of course he’d name him after her. “My best friend. Right, buddy?” Dustin scratches him behind his ears and the dog smiles up at him. Like, seriously smiles. Eddie didn’t even know they could actually do that.

“Oh, isn’t he the cutest,” Eddie says and pets his fur.

“I know, right?” Dustin says and then he turns, because Erica’s gotten to him and just opens his arms up. She falls into them.

They hug for a full minute at least and Eddie looks away. He knows it’s hard on all of them, like Erica said, but it’s especially hard on those two. Because ‘85 was one of the worst UD encounters and- Jesus, they didn’t just lose Robin, they lost both of’em.

They all did, but…it’s different.

So Eddie leaves them to it and walks up to the last two (technically three) people he hasn’t said hi to.

“Wheelers,” he says, as he approaches them and Nancy and Mike look up at him in the exact same second and Eddie’s reminded again of how similar they are.

“Hey, man,” Mike says and hugs him and Nancy kisses him on both his cheeks, before hugging him tight, too.

“How are you doin’?”

“We could probably all be better,” Nancy says, sighing and Mike nods.

“Yeah,” Eddie agrees, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

“Oh, uh,” Nancy says and grabs the hand of the guy standing behind her. “This is Liam, my new boyfriend.”

“Nice to meet you, man,” Eddie says, shaking the guy’s hand and he just gives him a dull smile. “Wish it was under different circumstances,” the guy, Liam, says. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Yeah, me too,” Eddie says, and it’s true because him and Nancy have bi-weekly telephone dates. It was hard without the other two at first. After Vecna Round 1 it was always the four of them after all. And then suddenly they were only two. But dealing with that together definitely made it easier. Nancy and him are best friends for life basically.

Liam seems good for her. Grounds her, stables her. Eddie likes what he’s heard about him.

The doors to the chapel open. Robin’s parents smile at them sadly, devastated.

Understandable.

“We can get started,” Mrs. Buckley says, voice quivering and Eddie’s heart breaks again.

The ceremony is beautiful.

All good memories of Robin, speeches that have Eddie crying his eyes out, and…and when Robin’s parents reveal that they’ve prepared a slideshow for the end, it feels like nobody was ready for that.

Because every second slide it’s like the whole room collectively holds their breath.

He’s not in the pictures. But he’s there. In every single one of Robin’s smiles, of her laughing, of her annoyed “remind me again why I love you” faces. The slideshow screams his name and even though this was supposed to be about Robin, it suddenly isn’t anymore.

Not only, at least.

And it makes sense that it isn’t. That’s the worst part of it. It makes sense.

Because in all the fucking way too short time Eddie knew her…it was never just Robin.

It was always, fucking always, Robin&Steve.

They were one.

Eddie seriously sometimes believed their mind s melted together, when they were stuck under the mall. It wouldn’t even be the weirdest shit they’ve seen, let’s be honest here. I f Will could have a fucked up psychic connection to Vecna, Robin and Steve coulda had one too.

Their souls were already en tangled, after all. Nobody ever questioned that. Steve and Robin were soulmates, period. Everyone knew.

And now she’s been gone for five years.

Five. Years.

On the last slide, Erica makes a little sound, from where she’s sitting in front of Eddie. Perched between Lucas and Dustin, small, so small , Eddie wants to put her in his pocket and protect her forever.

It shows Robin at Scoops. In her uniform.

It must’ve been for a commercial photo or something, that got messed up, because s he’s laughing, looking at Steve like he said the stupidest thing in the world and he probably did, just to make her laugh and it worked , and he has this look on his face, because this time, he’s actually in the picture too.

Looking at Robin so fondly. They weren’t even good friends at that time, couldn't have been, but…but he’s l ooking so happy, just because he made her laugh .

Eddie suddenly realizes, he’s forgotten what that looked like on him.

He can’t forget the picture. It’s like it’s burned into his retinas now, permanently stamped into his mind.

They’re all standing at her grave after, in silence, grieving, mourning he r, and Eddie plucks flower after flower out of his bouquet and showers Robin with them. With the love she deserves.

W hen he’s done, he steps back a little. Cries. Observes the others.

Max and Lucas are standing closest to him. Max looks miserable. Her voice is quiet, almost inaudible, when she whispers, only for her own ears to her, for sure, “It should’ve been m-”

“No, baby,” Lucas interrupts her, harshly, but his voice so soft and delicate, pulls her into himself and hugs her close. “Don’t you dare.”

And Max just lets him. Clings to him, buries her face in his chest.

Eddie’s eyes subconsciously start looking for Erica, because if Lucas and Max are holding each other, then who’s-

“Scoops Troop for life, huh?” Erica whispers, from where she’s standing to Eddie’s right, about two feet away, eyes shining with big unshed tears, looking up at Dustin, next to her, so broken, Eddie’s heart tightens.

“Yeah,” Dustin answers and links their pinkies together. It’s such a sweet gesture, Eddie could combust. “You and me for life.”

And that about does it.

That’s it, Eddie decides. That’s fucking it.

Scoops Troop was four people. Not. Two.

And he’s looking at the group of people, so much smaller than all the fakers who came to her funeral five years ago , and- just-

Jon is holding his mom and Hopper is holding both of them, El and Will are wrapped around each other like the psychic twins they are, Mike is curled around his sister, who has one of her hands on his arms and one linked with her boyfriend. Mr and Mrs Buckley cry together, next to Robin’s two uncles with their wives and her one cousin, who’s seven, so she doesn’t even remember her, which is painful on a whole new level. Lucas and Max hold ing each other, Dustin and Erica, even Mr Ramirez, her Spanish teacher came, five minutes late, and whispering an apology, but he’s here .

All of them are here. Everyone who was important in Robin’s life, everyone who cared, everybody who loved her.

Everybody but one.

Everybody but her soulmate.

Everybody but Steve.

And he should be here. He should fucking be here, with all of them, crying over her, break ing down over her, but he’s not.

And suddenly, Eddie really realizes, that, yes, Robin has been gone for five years now.

But so has Steve.

He takes a deep breath, walks up to Dustin and Erica and pulls them both into his sides, their pinkies still linked up.

“He should be here,” Dustin says, before Eddie can even start voicing his thoughts.

“Yeah,” Eddie says, staring ahead at Robin’s headstone,

“And I’m gonna find him.”

_____

London.

Eddie has no idea how he managed to figure that out, but as soon as he decided to look for him and find him, he just went full PI mode.

He reread his goodbye letter for any clues as to where he might have set off to, found a news article of a BMW that stood in the airport parking lot for almost two years, and was first believed to maybe contain a bomb, before they decided to move it, looked up flight information and spent about three hours talking to what feels like everybody who works at Indianapolis Airport, to figure out just what flights he could have possibly been on that day.

And somehow, with the information he gathered and his knowledge of how Steve ticks, ticked back then at least, he narrowed it down to London.

So, “that’s where I’m going.”

“London?”

“Yeah,” Eddie nods, shoving some fries into his mouth. “I really think I have a solid chance of finding him. I’m gonna look in phone books, ask around, everything.”

Erica slurps her milkshake and then she nods slowly. “Yeah. I think you have, too. You seem really determined.”

“I mean I took a week off work for this, so it better be worth it.”

They both know his vacation days are not what he’s worried about.

“And you have hope.”

Eddie takes a deep breath, looks down at his hands. Shrugs.

“Eddie,” Erica says, in that voice again. Eddie kinda hates that voice. She knows him way too well.

“It’s okay to be hopeful. Everybody knows there was…something between you guys, and apart from maybe Dustin and Max, you took it hardest when he left.”

Eddie frowns. “And you,” he says.

Now it’s her turn to look down at his fingers.

“Yeah,” she says. “But I only imprinted on him because he was cool and brave and I was young.”

“You’re still young.”

“So are you,” Erica says. “That’s what I mean. You’re 25. It’s okay if your hope scares you. It’s just human. You don’t have to pretend this doesn’t faze you, I know it does. And that’s okay.”

Eddie just looks at her.

“When did you get so wise?” he asks. “You’re supposed to be a baby.”

“I’ve always been wise,” Erica replies. “And I’m sixteen, you-” she cuts herself off, starts smiling a fond, soft smile and Eddie understands exactly why, when she adds, “you long-haired freak.”

Eddie laughs. “Yeah,” he says. Watches her with wistful eyes. “You gonna be okay without me?”

Erica rolls her eyes. “As stated,” she says. “I’m sixteen. I’ll be fine.”

Eddie mirrors her eye-roll. “Whatever.”

She just grins and finishes her milkshake with an annoyingly loud slurping noise.

Yeah. She’ll be fine.

_____

The weather in London is shit.

It doesn’t surprise Eddie, because that’s what everyone always says about England, but it’s, like, really, really shitty. It’s been raining since he stepped out of the plane, the sky is dark and grey and Wayne’s umbrella survived for a whole of two blocks.

Eddie saves himself into a telephone booth (fully red and all, like in the movies), when it gets significantly worse and he would be fucking drenched in seconds, and takes a deep breath. It thunders for the second time and he wonders how long he can stay in here.

He remembers why he’s here though and the huge telephone book lying on the floor brings a smile to his face. Bingo.

He reaches down for it (why’s it on the floor anyway) and hoists it up on the shelf-thingy in front of him.

“Okay,” he whispers to himself. “Harrington.” And then he feels weird for a second because that name hasn’t left his tongue in a while.

Bracing himself for failure, he opens the book and starts flipping through the pages until he finds H. They’re wet and disgusting because it was on the floor, but he manages.

And then his breath hitches while skimming the names because-

Well. Because there it is.

Harrington, Steve.

Just…the one name. There’s not even another Harrington in all of London apparently.

Which- Well. It could mean finding him will be easier than Eddie thought.

Or- it could mean Eddie’s trapped in a dead end, because if this one number isn’t his Steve Harrington but some other guy then…well…there isn’t a second one he could try. Eddie doesn’t really know where to start then.

So he just takes another deep breath, reaches for the phone and realizes-

The change he has will probably do him no good, considering he’s in a different country, with a different currency.

Shit.

He bites his lip, thinks and rips the page out of the book.

Sorry to everyone in here after him. He just has to do this.

Eddie folds the page neatly and shoves it deep into his pocket, praying that it won’t be completely dissolved when he gets to his small cheap, probably really shitty, hotel.

He opens the door, steps into the rain, and runs.

_____

The receptionist doesn’t like Americans from the look on his face but he still checks him in and exchanges him some money without any further comment.

So when Eddie’s up in his room he can take a deep breath, shower, put on dry clothes and then…

Stare at the phone for a good 15 minutes.

He’s not scared, he’s not, okay, he’s just…

Okay, he’s scared.

Because what if it’s not Steve?

Or what if it is him? What then?

He could always just…hang up on Eddie, too. That’s a very real possibility. He did cut them all out of his life, after all.

He takes another deep breath. Fuck it, he thinks. Do it for Robin.

Which- Just-

Do it for Steve, his brain very unhelpfully supplies and Eddie’s heart beats in his throat but he reaches for the phone and starts dialing the number on the thankfully only slightly soaked page.

It rings once.

Eddie can’t breathe.

Twice.

He closes his eyes.

Three ti-

“Hello?”

British accent. A girl. Fuck.

Eddie should speak. Fuck, fuck.

“Uhm, yeah hi,” he says, his voice coming out high pitched and just weird. “My name’s Eddie, I’m- I’m looking for Steve? Harrington?”

“Oh”, the girl says. “Yeah, I uh…I think the guy who lived here before me, I think that was his name. American, very fit, brown, fluffy hair?”

“Yeah,” Eddie says, a little shocked. “Yeah, that’s…that sounds like him.”

“Oh, okay. He probably didn’t change his address or something, or you found an ancient phone book. He moved out of this apartment to move in with a roommate, so his new number’s probably listed under that guy’s name. I don’t have the number but…I know where he worked? It that helps?”

“Yes,” Eddie breathes out. “Please, that would help me so much.”

“It’s probably a shot in the dark though, he worked there three years ago.”

“Still, I would really appreciate it, it would be a start.”

“Yes, okay, let me just…find the address, give me a moment.”

“Yeah, take all the time you need.” Eddie’s voice still sounds weird to his own ears, but he’s hopeful. That girl’s a saint. This could actually work.

Eddie could actually find Steve. After all this time.

“Do you have a pen?”

“Uh, yeah, wait.” Eddie leaps across the room to get a pen out of his backpack and snatches some flyer of the night stand. “Hit me.”

The girl reads him an address, Eddie writes it down and then he spends at least two minutes thanking her.

After he’s hung up he stares at the wall for five minutes.

It’s a café, she told him. A café-bookstore-sorta-thing, she’s not really sure. But they’re closed right now, will open tomorrow around seven or something. So that’s where Eddie will be.

Tomorrow at seven.

He doesn’t think he’ll see Steve there, he probably didn’t stay there for so long if it’s a café but Eddie’s getting closer, he can feel it.

He’s getting so close.

They’re in the same city. Probably, at least.

He won’t give up. He won’t. He’ll find Steve and he’ll get him to come back to them.

Not that he has to leave his life here, if he likes it.

Just…he’s family. He has to come back in that sense.

He just has to.

_____

The store/café thing looks really sweet. It looks really English, too.

Well, from the outside. He hasn’t gone in yet.

They’ve been open for like five minutes, but he’s not ready. He needs five more. He doesn’t know what’s gonna happen, if they can help him, if they’re even allowed to give out any personal information about former employees, but Eddie’s not above begging, so…he’ll just see what he can do.

If it’s a straight girl he’s not above trying to flirt the information out of her either.

He takes a deep breath, reaches for the handle, opens the door and enters.

A small bell announces his arrival and the guy behind the counter looks up, which- yeah, shit, it’s a guy. So flirting’s out of question now. Eddie approaches him with trembling hands. He’s suddenly self-conscious about his limp. Why is it all so fucking nerve-wracking? It’s not like he’s expecting Steve to just appear from the back room.

A small voice in his head says “it’s not impossible either” and yeah, okay, that’s probably the reason.

“Hi,” Eddie says, running a hand trough his hair. “I’m, uh-”

“Wait,” the guy says, cocking his head. “I know you, you’re…Eddie? Right?”

Eddie’s lips part in surprise and his brows shoot up. He can’t hide the shock on his face.

“Uh,” he says, completely lost. “Yeah, I- uh…how do you know that?”

The guy just shrugs. “I’ve seen pictures.”

Eddie blinks. “What?”

The guy smiles friendly. “You smile at me every time I get something from the fridge, mate,” he says, like that explains anything. Eddie’s hands get clammy.

“Huh?” is all he can manage.

“Sorry, I’m-” the guy smiles even warmer, if that’s possible. “I’m Taylor. Steve’s friend. And roommate, which is probably more important right now, otherwise that comment comes across super creepy.”

“I-uh.”

Steve’s friend. And roommate. Eddie can’t think. He didn’t expect this now, didn’t-wasn’t prepared. Not at all. This is way too close, way too fast.

“I’ll get Steve if you want,” the guy- Taylor suggests. “He…is why you’re here, right?”

Eddie can just nod. He then takes a deep breath, trying to compose himself. “Yeah, I- yeah,” he decides. “That would be great.”

“Okay.” And with that Taylor disappears into the back room and Eddie thinks he can hear him say something like “There’s someone here for you, mate,” and then another door right next to the counter opens and-

And Eddie can’t breathe, because-

There’s Steve Harrington.

In all his glory.

Or…at least some of it.

He’s wearing dark pants, a soft polo, the same one Taylor’s wearing, and an apron. His hair’s not as fluffy as it used to be, but it still shines and frames his face beautifully and-

And he’s so thin. Eddie kind of wants to cry because he looks like he hasn’t been eating. And like he still has trouble sleeping every night. There are dark circles under his eyes, he has sunken cheeks and deep furrows around his brows and mouth.

And he looks at Eddie-

He looks at Eddie like he’s been punched in the stomach.

“Eds,” he breathes, like that name just snuck out of him, without him meaning to, and Eddie all but crumbles inside.

Steve, his Steve, Steve fucking Harrington, his boy, looks miserable.

“Steve,” Eddie says, like a prayer and steps closer. All of a sudden he’s calm.

He found him. He actually found him.

But then Steve blinks. Once, twice. And his face hardens.

“What are you doing here?”, he asks, voice a little cold. Eddie almost flinches.

“What do you mean?” he says. “I’m here for you.”

Steve stares at him. “Why?”

“Wh-” Eddie laughs, shocked. “What? What the fuck do you mean, why? Because you hid away, Steve. You hid away for over five years, and I came here to find you.”

Steve blinks. He looks like he’s not understanding what’s happening, lost, torn between so many feelings and absolute numbness. “You shouldn’t have.” His voice is still quiet, barely makes it over to Eddie.

Eddie frowns. “What?”

“I just- you shouldn’t have come.”

“Steve,” Eddie says, pleads almost. “Please don’t do this. Don’t shut me out now. Please talk to me.”

“I uh, I’m gonna give you guys some privacy,” Taylor says, grabbing the door handle to the back room, wanting to pull it close, but Steve stops him.

“No! Taylor, don’t. Please. Stay, I-I need you.” His voice is on the verge of breaking.

Taylor raises his hands. “Okay, oh-okay, Steve, it’s all right. I’ll stay.”

He throws Eddie a look and mouths, ‘I’m sorry,’ at him. Eddie just nods and looks back at Steve.

“Steve, you can’t do this. You can’t shut me out. I flew all the way over here, I-”

“I didn’t ask you to.”

“No,” Eddie says. “No, obviously not. Because you shut me out. You shut all of us out. You cut us off and-” He scoffs. “Do you even know how hard it was to find you? Track you down? Just for me to get here and have to listen to you saying you didn’t ask me to come? No, of course not Steve, I know that. Of course you didn’t ask me to come, how the fuck would you, when you haven’t talked to me in five years?”

Steve is breathing loudly, trying to pull himself together, Eddie can see that. He knows Steve. That’s the worst part. He still knows him.

“I just- Eddie, please, I can’t-” his voice is still quiet, but it’s wavering and Steve tries so hard to not show emotions, Eddie can see him trying to maintain that wall up, all of them and-

And something burning swirls up in Eddie. He feels hot, all of a sudden and then just like that something clicks. He realizes, that, yes. Erica was right. She always is and he should just listen to her, but he thought he wasn’t- He thought he was just sad. He thought he even understood it, got it a little, and he is, he does but-

But he’s actually really fucking angry, too.

Because Steve left. He just left without saying goodbye, left without a trace, without real explanation, just some vague ass stupid letters, where he apologized but never explained, he…he abandoned them.

Yes, he was sick and broken in his grief, but he didn’t let anybody get to him. He didn’t let anybody help him. Because Steve Always Has To Be Strong, Steve Has To Protect Everyone Else, Steve Can’t Let Anybody See He’s Human.

Steve couldn’t be vulnerable, he couldn’t seem fragile, they could have grieved together, could have been there for each other, all of them, they could have helped him, steady him, fucking carry him because Steve’s soulmate died and everyone knew how fucking broken he was. How that fucked him up. They could have helped him. They could have helped him heal. But Steve just-

He ran away.

“Have you even…cried about her?” Eddie asks, voice low and a little dangerous maybe, and he knows that’s it’s a low blow, a big fucking one, but in some way he’s genuinely curious.

Because Steve fucking Harrington is so good at repressing his trauma and shoving everything he feels down, deep deep down, lock it in a chest that’s been there since he was five years old and his father locked him in his closet for the first time, which is something Eddie only knows because he has spent months, literal months in the past getting to know Steve, learn every part of him, gently but firmly cracking open that exact goddamn chest and let the emotions out, let him spill all of it into Eddie’s welcoming, caring, comforting, open arms, that it might actually be a possibility.

It’s possible, genuinely possible, that Steve’s soulmate died and he hasn’t. even. cried about her.

Steve’s face hardens.

“Leave,” he says, voice icy, colder than anything Eddie has ever heard.

Eddie takes a step closer. “Steve,” he says, harsh and loud, because he won’t let Steve do this now. He won’t.

“Hey, that rhymes,” Taylor chimes in awkwardly and in any other situation Eddie might have appreciated that, because yes, using humor to dissolve tension is the best way into his heart, but right now he just ignores it. This is important.

“Eddie, I said leave,” Steve repeats, gritting through his teeth.

“I heard,” Eddie says. “But for once in my goddamn life, Steve Harrington, I’m not gonna cave when it comes to you.”

Steve just stares at him, but something in his posture shifts a little and then he starts looking like his next instinct is to hide behind something, like he has to leave if Eddie won’t.

“Because you’ve been running from us for half a decade and I’m not leaving. Until you talk to me.”

“I am talking.”

“No”, Eddie says and scoffs lightly. “No, you’re not.”

Steve takes a deep breath and Eddie can see him shaking from where he’s standing.

“Eddie, please. Please, don’t do this to me, I-”

“Steve, he fucking took Robin from us!” Eddie spits the harsh truth. “But you’re still here. You might not have understood that, but I have. And I can’t keep grieving you, too. Please.” His anger’s weakening. Already. “We need you, Steve. We want you. We love you, we all love you and we can’t…I can’t- I’m here and I won’t lose you again, I won’t let you shut me out, or, or, or run away, I won’t.”

For a second it’s dead silent. They’re just staring at each other.

Ad then there’s a sound escaping Steve’s throat that shocks Eddie to his core. His blood runs cold and he’s reminded of The Steve Scream from five years ago. This is a scream too, only not very loud. It sounds a little like something’s tearing Steve apart and isn’t that fucking ironic? Eddie can’t even explain it, but it’s horrible and heart wrenching and he only sees Steve breaking down and his body takes over.

Before he even realizes he’s moving, he’s next to him, wraps his arms around Steve, keeps him from falling to the ground, holds him.

Steve is sobbing. He’s crying and screaming and thank god there are no customers in here right now. Steves body is shaking, Eddie holds him, presses him close, tries to not just sink to the ground with him.

“I’ve got you,” he whispers into his hair. “I’ve got you, baby, I’ve got you.”

Suddenly he feels something against his hand and when he looks up there’s Taylor, pressing a key into Eddie’s palm.

“Other side of the street, number 14,” he says. “Apartment 4B. The lock’s a little jammed, but you should get it open.”

Eddie just looks at him. Closes his fingers around the key. “Thank you,” he breathes. Taylor nods, sad eyes, heart breaking for his friend, Eddie can see it, pats Steve’s shoulder twice, and backs away.

Eddie supports Steve on his side, holds him as much as he can while trying to move him around but it’s easier than he thought, because with Eddie supporting him, he can sort of walk on his own, his legs seem to be working at least a little. And he just follows, goes limp in Eddie’s strong arms, follows his movements and together they make it to the other side of the street and there’s an elevator, thank god.

The lock really is a little jammed, but he gets it open and them inside. Steve is still sobbing, crying, clinging to Eddie, and Eddie just finds Steve’s bed (it’s pretty easy to figure out which room is his from the bat standing next the bed) and lays them down on it.

He holds Steve, close and tight, as Steve cries into his chest.

It breaks Eddie’s heart, but it’s so good.

It feels so right, to be here, to hold Steve, to make this in any way easier for him. To have him let it out.

Steve needed this. Hell, Eddie needed this.

He cries with him, silent but teary, and holds him and cradles him in his arms and loves him.

“I’ve got you,” he keeps whispering in between some of Steve’s sobs and cries. “I’m here, I’ve got you.”

After what feels like a lifetime, Steve’s asleep. He cried himself to exhaustion, let it all out, tired himself out and Eddie’s so…he’s so proud of him, somehow. He brushes Steve’s hair out of his face, gently strokes his thumb over the traces the tears left on his face and presses a kiss to his forehead.

“I’ve got you,” he murmurs another time, before gently pulling away, to get a glass of water for when Steve wakes up. His throat must be sore as hell.

The apartment is sweet. It’s small but it looks homey. Soft. Eddie gets two glasses out of a cabinet and fills them. He downs one of them, refills it and leans against the counter.

He takes a deep breath.

Looks at the fridge. Realizes.

Taylor didn’t lie to him. There, on the fridge, is Eddie.

It’s a picture Eddie doesn’t even recognize, but he remembers the moment. Jon took it, after Vecna Round 1, when Eddie was healed enough to walk and go on about most of his life again. It’s him and Nancy, her leaning into his side tiredly, and Eddie smiling into the camera, an arm slung around her.

His heart glows a little. Steve put up a picture of him. On the fridge. Something he looks at every day. He wanted to see it. Frequently. Eddie almost feels like crying again. But he’s probably out of tears for today.

Eddie turns around, looks at one of the walls that’s also littered with pictures and- god.

He put up so many pictures of them. All of them. There’s the boys in what looks like ghostbusters costume’s, Max and El laughing. Steve with his face beaten black and blue in his Scoops uniform with Erica in a piggyback, both of them looking like absolute dorks smiling into the camera, despite the obvious horror they just went through. There’s a picture of Steve sleeping, leaning against Hopper on the couch, who’s just pulled him into his arms. There’s one of Jon, Nancy, and Argyle, stupidly posing in front of an arsenal of weapons teenagers should have no business even being in proximity of. One of them playing DnD at the Harrington’s dining table.

There’s more pictures of him. He counts himself six times on that wall, blushes when he spots a polaroid he remembers Steve taking of him clear as day.

It’s Eddie, in only sweatpants, a cigarette hanging from his mouth, his guitar perched on his lap, his hair slung back into a low bun, reaching for a notebook on the coffee table in front of him.

It’s so intimate. Eddie can’t believe Steve put it up. In the kitchen too.

Fuck.

There’s not a single photo of Robin.

Fuck, again.

Eddie downs the glass again, refills it, reaches for the other one and retreats back into Steve’s room. He closes the door, sets the glasses down on Steve’s nightstand and crawls back into bed with him.

Steve immediately curls into him, in his sleep and Eddie just pulls him into his arms, drops a kiss to his head and lays back into the pillows.

He’s out like a light in a minute.

_____

“I actually hadn’t,” Steve says, when they’re both awake again. Eddie has no idea what time it is, but it also doesn’t matter at all. Steve’s voice is hoarse and his tears have dried in his sleep. Eddie’s still holding him. Steve’s hand is on his chest. “Cried about her, I mean. This was the first time.”

“I know it came out harsh but…you know I didn’t mean it like…accusatory, right?”

“Yeah, I know,” Steve replies, voice still so sad. Eddie can’t even hate it. Of course he does, in a way, but Steve’s facing his feelings. He’s feeling them. And that’s a good thing.

“I still hear her,” Steve says a while later. “All the time. When I have panic attacks in the middle of the night. Or just…when I’m having breakfast. When somebody cracks a goddamn awful joke, makes a pun, I can hear her laugh like she’s right behind me.”

He breathes. Breathes. Exhales shakily. “And I know, she isn’t, Eddie, I know that. I know I’m delusional, I know I’m still just…in denial, but I can’t help but feel a little grateful for being insane because…because she talks me out of the panic attacks. And…and I know she’s not behind me but it feels like she is. It really, really feels like she is. And I love her. I have to be grateful for that, right? How can I not?”

He looks up at Eddie, desperate for confirmation, desperate for Eddie to tell him, yeah, Steve, it’s okay for you to feel that way.

“Yeah, Steve,” Eddie says. “I think it’s absolutely okay for you to feel that way.”

Steve relaxes into his chest, buries his head in Eddie’s neck, breathes.

Eddie is so grateful Steve’s breathing.

He didn’t even realize. That that was a fear. Him coming here looking for Steve, only for people to tell him that he’s hunting a ghost. That Steve doesn’t exist anymore. Couldn’t handle living without Robin to the extent that he just died, too.

“I love you,” he breathes into Steve’s hair.

Steve sobs, once. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, broken and Eddie just kisses his head again.

“It’s okay,” he says, and means it, he means it so seriously. “It’s okay, sweetheart, I promise.”

“Can you tell me about them?” Steve asks, quietly, looks up at Eddie, with tears in his eyes. “Please?”

“Yeah, baby, I’ll tell whatever you wanna know. Who d’you want covered first?”

“Max,” Steve gets out immediately, followed by, “Dustin-no, wait, Max.”

Eddie smiles, brushes another strand of hair out of Steve’s face and lets his hand rest atop Steve’s hipbone then, drawing small patterns with his thumb.

Steve’s so thin, now. Eddie could cry solely because of that. He hasn’t been eating, he knows that. Not well, at least.

“Her eyesight came back a little,” he says. “She’s at a good 20/200 now. Which is still legally blind but…it’s way easier. And she’s…they’ve been good. Lucas and her. Really solid in their relationship. Happy together. I think he might actually propose soon, he’s so whipped for her.”

Steve makes a tiny sound, but it sounds happy. “They’re at UChicago, Lucas plays for the Maroons.”

Steve squeezes closer to Eddie. “That’s amazing.”

Eddie nods. “It really is,” he agrees. “Dustin’s at MIT. Kid’s a genius, but you knew that already. He got a dog. Named him Rob.” Steve’s breath hitches.

“Nancy’s at Emerson, so they’re really close. Like, emotionally speaking too. They have weekly coffee-gossip-and-catching-up dates, I think. Nance’s got a new boyfriend too. Good guy, I’ve met him.” He rubs his hand over Steve’s back. “I mean, everyone scattered. They all-”

He can practically feel Steve’s eyes widen. “Wait, what about-”

“I’m still there,” Eddie hurries to say. “’N I won’t leave until she does.”

“Oh,” Steve breathes, relaxes a little. “Okay.”

“Plus Lucas and Max visit often.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah. We’re good in Hawkins actually. We’ve got each other’s backs. She’s got a boyfriend now, you know?”

“Really?” Steve looks up at him. “Erica Sinclair?”

“Yeah,” Eddie chuckles. “I was so not ready when she told me. I was like you’re a baby. But the girl’s sixteen. God knows you’ve done worse at sixteen,” he says, tiny teasing undertone.

Steve sighs. “I mean, I- I fought demogorgons at sixteen.”

“She did at eleven, actually.”

“Yeah. She’s tough.”

“Exactly,” Eddie says. “And Bobby’s a good kid.”

“His name’s Bobby?” Steve’s voice drips judgment and Eddie laughs. For a single second it almost feels light. “Yeah,” he says.

“Oh, wow.”

“Yeah.” They’re both quiet for a couple seconds.

“What about the rest? Where’d they all scatter off to?”

“Will, El and Mike live in New York City together, Will goes to art school. El pretty much does whatever she wants. And Mike’s actually…he wrote a novel.”

“What?” Steve breathes. “Really?”

Eddie nods. “He’s really good too. It’s impressive.”

Steve closes his eyes, leans his head against Eddie’s chest again. “I miss them all so much,” he says.

“They miss you too,” Eddie promises.

Steve scoffs. “I left. They probably hate me.”

“They don’t.”

Steve presses against him. Eddie lets him, holds him, has him.

“What about my- what about-” Steve takes another deep breath. “How’s Hopper?”

Eddie swallows. “He misses you. So much. They're actually engaged, you know? And they’re happy but-” Eddie bites his lip. “But I think they’re waiting for you to come back to actually get married.”

“Oh god.”

“No, Steve, that’s a good thing.”

“Literally how is that a good thing?” Steve asks, miserably.

“It means they never stopped hoping you’d come back.”

Steve starts sobbing again, hiding his face in Eddie’s chest.

Eddie letshimholdshimhashim.

“Eds?” Steve asks, minutes later, when this wave of tears has died down.

“Mhm?”

“You know I love you back, right?” His voice is small and afraid and Eddie presses his eyes closed. Takes a deep breath, nods.

“Yeah, I think I do,” he whispers. “I think I do.”

_____

Eddie stays for as long as he can, which is the week he took off of work. He spends it being there for Steve, crying with Steve, showering Steve with love and support. He feels like Steve’s already a little tiny bit lighter and that’s the greatest accomplishment of Eddie’s life.

It turns out Steve has a lot of pictures of Robin, of course he does, just…not on the walls because being reminded everywhere of how she isn’t there anymore was just too painful and honestly…Steve repressed all of it, so it kinda makes sense.

He takes out the box of pictures of them on the third night and they sit on the tiny couch they have in the hallway, the three of them, because Taylor’s there too. He’s actually…

Eddie’s honestly wondering if Taylor’s an angel sent by Robin. To look after Steve. Because he does. Apparently he just showed up in Steve’s life, accepted him and his grief and buil t his life around that in the most beautiful way. On the fi r st day Eddie was there Taylor just wordlessly made dinner, they ate together and later Eddie found out that he’s made a habit out of that, cooking every night, just to make sure Steve eats.

Eddie could kiss him out of gratefulness.

“You’re a saint,” Eddie told him.

Taylor only smiled. “I’m a friend,” he said.

“Same thing,” Eddie argued.

Because honestly, without Taylor, Steve could very well actually be dead right now.

When they’re sitting there, looking through photos of Robin, and Taylor asks the sweetest, most sensitive questions, that get Steve to smile and laugh through his tears, Eddie can hardly believe the guy’s real.

He showed up when Steve needed him most and helped him in ways Steve probably didn’t even really notice or realize. Eddie’s so, so grateful for that. Because Steve was numb and miserable and at fucking rock bottom, but he wasn’t alone.

He had someone to look after him. Someone who didn’t press, or tried to convince him to face his feelings or anything like that. Someone who saw his grief and instead of trying to get rid of it found a way to work with it, trusting that someday someone else would come to help (Eddie) and he just had to get him through it until then.

And he did. Eddie’s here now.

He has to leave, but he’ll come back as soon as he can. He’ll call, he has their number. He got Steve back, he won’t let him get away again, he won’t, he’ll make sure of that.

He got his stuff from the hotel on the second day, so he has it all, now standing in Steve’s room, stuffing it all back into his backpack. Taylor’s gonna drive him to the airport in about an hour and he doesn’t want to leave, but he has to get back.

He has work, after all. He’s a responsible adult. And he does miss Wayne and Erica.

Steve’s sitting on his bed, watching him.

Eddie zips his backpack up and turns to face him.

“Just…promise me you’ll…promise me you won’t shut me out again?”

Steve looks at him with a strange expression. “Steve?” Eddie asks anxiously, stepping closer, reaching out. Because Steve- he can’t-

“No, I promise, I do, I promise, I just-” Steve takes his outstretched hand and frowns thoughtfully. “Eddie, I-”

“Yeah?” Eddie takes another step towards him, gently cupping his face, Steve closes his eyes and leans into the touch.

“What is it?” he asks, when Steve doesn’t answer.

Steve then sighs, opens his eyes, looks up at him, jaw clenched, eyes a little insecure, but a strange determination set in them.

“I think I wanna come with you.”