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He doesn’t even know what he’s doing up at this hour. He’d crawled away from his warm bed and even warmer lover and to what? He had caught sight of himself in the bathroom on his way out, but now he can’t look away.
Sanemi grips the bathroom counter, staring intently ahead of him.
The image reflected back shows a lot of things.
Terror. He’s reminded of the faces people make when he’s outside.
Delinquent. People first judge your appearance, and when you look like you’ve lost a knife fight they can’t help but think of and treat you as such.
He looks like Genya, the little shit went and got taller than him. He knows the boy has struggled with the same appearance issues. He’s become more confident now, thanks to some hard headed kid, but Sanemi will never forget how scared he had been to be seen after that incident.
‘Beauty,’Giyuu says, and he’s trying to believe him. He says it’s a testament to how strong he is, having fought back when the world threw tragedy right at him.
Sanemi wants to believe that, but with his own paternal figure being the cause, with his own siblings bearing similar scars, all he sees a reminder of his own—
“Weakness.”
Sanemi starlets, looking up and into the mirror. The image of his father, shaggy hair and hate filled beady eyes greet him.
“You’re weak, Sanemi. You always have been.”
‘Shut up.’
“You’re my eldest son for god’s sake
‘I know.’
“I always knew your mother was the issue. She’s softened you in my absence.”
No, that’s wrong. His mother is a saint. Risking her safety for him and his siblings every day. Bringing him back from the brink of self destruction each time he spiraled.
He owes her more than he could ever repay.
“Despite that, you’re more like me than anything else.”
‘Shut up. Shut up!’
“Violent, brash, and rude—“
“Shut the fuck up bastard!” He finds the strength to swing his fist, throwing a right hook into his fathers face which shatters upon impact.
He shouts in pain as he falls to the ground, clutching his hand to his chest.
“I’m nothing like you..”
Giyuu startles out of bed, having heard an angered and pained scream from inside the house. The bed is empty, and the room is too dark for Sanemi to be getting ready for anything.
He eases out of bed, quietly in case someone else is in their home.
Giyuu feels his way through the dark hallway, sticking close to the wall in case someone is nearby. As he rounds the corner his eyes are drawn to golden light spilling under the bathroom door. Along with muffled grunts and curses.
‘It’s just Sanemi.’ Giyuu thinks as he drops his guard. ‘But that only makes the scream more concerning.’
He’s no stranger to these episodes, having helped talk him down in the past. He isn’t sure whether to run in or hold back for now. Sanemi once expressed the itchy need to shove everyone away, yet afterwards he desires to be squished in a tight hug for comfort.
Like his mother did for him.
“Sanemi?” Giyuu gently knocks on the door. “Are you okay?”
It’s quiet, save for some shuffling.
“Sanemi I’m coming in, alright?”
Sanemi mumbles something as Giyuu opens the door.
“Nemi..?”
Sanemi’s crumpled form comes into view. He lays hunched over the tiled floor, trembling and gasping.
“I..I’m not..” Sanemi goes quiet.
Giyuu’s eyes are drawn to the wall, where the mirror is—or rather where it was. It’s mostly been shattered, with the impact point in the center and only the sharp edges left intact. The rest of the mirror lay in chips in the sink and on the floor. Flecks of blood cover the impact point, spelling out for Giyuu exactly what happened tonight.
Giyuu steps over the shards and kneels in front of Sanemi. He cups the man’s face gently, rubbing small circles into his cheeks.
“Sanemi..”
Said man is despondent, hardly reacting to Giyuu’s intrusion. He looks up, eyes watery and angry. “…”
Giyuu hums and slowly stands, bringing Sanemi up with him. “Let’s go somewhere else, let me help you and you’ll be okay.”
Giyuu walks him to the living room, sitting Sanemi on the couch before running off to grab the first aid kit. He hasn’t even assessed the damage to his hands but he knows Sanemi needs the kit.
When Giyuu returns he flicks on the light and sits beside his lover. Sanemi is cradling his right hand, lightly flexing his hand and wincing as the shards poke him. The blood is drying, forming a crusty red line from his knuckles down the back of his hand. The glass shards are decently sized, one of them looks particularly deep in there but hopefully he won’t need to be stitched up.
Giyuu opens the kit and takes Sanemi’s hand. “This may hurt.” Giyuu mumbles before setting to work. He pulls the glass out slowly, having to wiggle the largest piece out while apologizing to Sanemi.
“Don’t.” Sanemi pleads.
Giyuu reaches for rubbing alcohol. “Don’t what?”
“Don’t apologize!” Sanemi huffs, “I was just..I dunno, but you don’t need to apologize dammit!” He sighs, “Not for my own faults..” He winces as the alcohol foams up in his cuts. He knows it’s doing its job but damn does it sting.
“What faults? You talk about it like there’s something wrong with you.”
Sanemi looks away. He only sighs as Giyuu rubs a salve on his cuts.
“I’ll buy you a new mirror.” Sanemi mumbles.
Giyuu hums. “Speaking of that, would you like to talk about it?”
“I just said I’ll buy you a new one.”
Giyuu would laugh if not for the circumstance. Sanemi isn’t always open to talking about his feelings, and neither is he, but it’s worth a shot.
“Don’t worry about that. It’s not what I meant.” It’s the mirror that came with the house, he couldn’t care less about it. He starts unrolling bandages. “..Do you want to talk about what caused this incident?”
Sanemi sighs, “Just..didn’t like what I saw in the mirror.” He noticed Giyuu’s pause while tying the bandage. “It wasn’t really because of me…I saw my father.”
With Giyuu finished, Sanemi cradled his right hand again. “I’m not even sure what came over me. Part of me really there, but the other part of me wanted to do so much more than just punch him.” The abuse suffered by his family at the hands of their “father” will never not haunt him.
He could handle it—oftentimes he tried to take the brunt of it—what he couldn’t handle was how the man treated his mother and siblings. The way that man would talk about them, to their face or not, was nothing but spiteful.
They deserved better, but he’s all they had since their mother didn’t make nearly enough money to care for her seven children and herself.
He doesn’t blame her of course.
“He’s not even around anymore! So why the hell..” Whatever anger Sanemi has fizzled out as he sighs and slumps into the couch.
“Just because he’s gone, doesn’t mean your feelings have to die with him.” Giyuu hums. “I’m not saying you have to forgive and forget, it’s okay if you never do.”
Giyuu takes the man’s injured hand in his own. “There’s nothing wrong with feeling like this, but at some point you have to let it pass and move on.” He places a light kiss on Sanemi’s bandaged hand.
Giyuu hums, cupping Snamei’s face with a hand. “I know it’s not easy, and I still have my therapist's number, I’m sure she wouldn’t mind seeing you.”
“..maybe.” Sanemi yawns, exhaustion beginning to creep back in.
Giyuu chuckles and stands, leading Sanemi by the hand to their bedroom. “Let’s go to bed, we can talk more later.”
.
.
.
.
.
“Giyuu?” Sanemi starts as they climb into bed. “Who do I remind you of?”
Giyuu hums, pulling Sanemi into his embrace. “Honestly, I think of Tsutako. She’s a sweet and caring older sibling, willing to do anything for the ones they love.” Giyuu lays down, dragging Sanemi with him. It’s not often Giyuu gets to be the big spoon.
“Also, I see your mother within you. I didn’t see it but when I talked with her it was so obvious that you’re her son.”
“Your smiles are the same, you're both kind hearted even if you struggle with letting people get close.”
“I knew that when I met your mother I would like her. She’s sweet, like you are.”
“Hey, Giyuu?” Sanemi mumbles, laying with his head on the man’s chest. Giyuu hums while running his hands through Sanemi’s hair, scratching his scalp gently.
Giyuu looks down at Sanemi, the man had fallen asleep if his light snoring is anything to go by.
‘He must’ve been exhausted.’
Giyuu pokes his forehead and smiles, “We’ll go mirror shopping this weekend.”