Chapter Text
Your name is Karkat Vantas and you are currently bored out of your think pan. You're waiting for your newest movie to download (connection speed in paradox space can unsurprisingly be a bitch sometimes) and all you could think to do in the meantime is sit in one of the many common areas and lie around in a blatant attempt for attention. You aren't even past admitting it anymore, you’ve gotten so pathetic. You would even be alright with Spider Troll accosting you with her usual shit just for some entertainment.
However, your luck, as usual, is utter shit. Vriska is nowhere to be seen, probably tag teaming Gamzee with Terezi like two meowbeasts toying with prey. Or maybe she’s bothering the long-winded brigade, or maybe the two are just somewhere making out. You haven't had an opportunity to hang out with Kanaya in a while, you think petulantly, pushing yourself further into the couch as you sigh.
You usually would be hanging out with Dave, but something crawled up his waste chute and died recently. For the past few perigrees you've been hanging out with him and the Mayor (bless his little heart) and just messing around with can town and music and movies.
It's been...bearable. Dave still can be an asshole, he still disregards most things about your culture, never shuts his fucking protein chute even when you beg him to, and always loves to get a rise out of you. But, you have to admit, he also makes a great friend. He's got your back in any situation (most situations regarding Vriska), does listen to you when you have "legit" problems (which apparently doesn't cover rants about quadrant shipping in films) and is, on rare occasions, funny. He’s had you in stiches on several occasions, both of you laughing too hard to breathe. He’s also pretty decent with his music, and the two of you have made a couple of songs together. Hanging out with Dave has been…nice.
But apparently that's all gone to shit too. You don't even know why exactly, which makes it even more frustrating. You could understand if he got sick of you, who wouldn't? You don't want to be trapped on a meteor hurtling through space with yourself; you can't imagine how other people feel with having to deal with your bullshit. Case in point: Couch hissyfit, population: Karkat Vantas.
But, even with your astronomical level of ornery-ness and general unpleasantness, you honestly didn't think Dave was being bothered by it. In fact, he seemed like he enjoyed subjecting himself to your company! He just started ignoring you a few days ago, chilling alone with the Mayor and laughing it off like nothing was up.
"What's eating your ass Vantas? Not that there's anything actually. Eating it. Oh god, I mean. I mean unless the toilets have been infected with some sort of booty pirate slugs that will take us unawares when we're pants down and defenseless. We'd never see it coming. One day you'll just go to the bathroom and then BAM alien (like super alien not even normal alien) slug gnawing away at your flesh. It was nice knowing you, plush friend. Rest in peace. Also yeah but anyway I'm busy doing stuff with the Mayor sorry."
-was the last thing he'd said to you. You usually tune out most of Dave's rambles, since he starts referring to earth presidents and pop culture that you're too lazy to look up. If he's going to be a cagey asshole then fine, you will wait until he crawls back on his hands and knees begging for your company. You aren't going to hunt him down and force him to hang out with you; that would be even worse than lying around moping.
Resolution thus made, you nearly groan when you hear an unmistakable off key hum of the human in question walking down the hall. You briefly consider absconding from your position on the couch (burrowed under a few pillows and blanket), but you were here first, dammit. If he's avoiding you he's going to have to do it elsewhere. You've staked your claim on this land.
He, of course, doesn't even notice you when he comes in, heading straight for the coffee maker bolted to the far wall. You can only hear his stupid, rhythmed, footsteps, since the couch is conveniently pointed the other way. You nearly gag as you hear him dial in what he wants; he's the only one on the meteor that trusts the stuff that pours out of the coffee machines. You think it looks absolutely disgusting.
"Come on coffee sludge from hell, crank out faster," you hear him mutter, loudly. And everyone on this meteor thinks you have volume control. At least you don't mumble to yourself like a crazed idiot.
"I swear, if you're acting up again, I'll- I will sigh mildly in defeat, I guess," Dave continues, apparently settling in for a conversation with the thing. "That's how I'm facing all my troubles these days. Shits broken? Well best just leave it there. Don't know what to do about something? Well just avoid it, problem solved. I am the master of life skills up in here, even Rose is congratulating me on finding a more stressful way to deal with my problems."
You blink up at the ceiling through three layers of blankets and throw pillows. Well huh, maybe the asshat has a good reason for not talking to you? If he's got stuff going on… but he could have considered coming and talking to you, for shit flipping sake.
Suddenly there's a pop and a hiss. A faint smell of smoke hits your nostrils.
"Shit, really? This is the third one to crap out on me. You'd think chess slave labor put this meteor together or something," he mutters again. "Ugh fine reality. Fine. Alright, there's at least two more around here somewhere. I know I found one near the library down the way and then there's the other that's nearly all the way on the other end of the meteor or maybe I should stop being fucking stupid and stop avoiding shit."
You nearly stir at that, having just been secretly enjoying Dave's bout of heavily deserved misfortune. He sounds serious, for once in his goddamn life.
"Alright, bite the bullet here Strider, admit it to yourself. The first step to healing is acceptance. Or at least the last step of grief. Maybe? Why does everything gotta be an AA program, handing out steps left and right. Except instead of all admitting that we're middle aged men with an addiction to getting sloshed and beating our wives it's more 'Step 1: have homolust thoughts. Step 2: freak out. Step 3: who the fuck knows. Step 4: acceptance."
What.
“Hey wait shit is someone here?”
Fuck you said that out loud.
You stay as still as you possibly can, not even taking the chance to breathe. This is not the kind of weird monologue of Dave’s that you want to interrupt. Outing your position on the couch would just make things 110% more awkward. A few seconds pass.
“Wow Strider, how paranoid can you be? You hear one little sound and then jump out of your fucking skin,” you hear Dave mutter. The light clank of footsteps against steel floors passes by your head on the couch. For a soul crushing second you think he’s going to plop his ass right on top of your hiding spot, oh god please don’t let him crush you under these blankets that would be the worst way to die—
You hear the shift of shitty couch springs across from you. He’s settling in oh fuck.
“Ok, gloves off. Time to face your inner demons. Demons? I meant emotions, god why can’t I just do this,” Dave continues to mutter.
You weigh your options. It might be awkward to burst out of the pillows of your blanket cave like a beast from that shitty movie Dave showed you a few weeks ago. But, you might scare the shit out of Dave. That would be hilarious and he’s always messing with you anyway. Serves him right to get a little of his own medicine. And, if you don’t do anything now, you might be trapped here for literal hours.
Thus resolved, you begin to shift—
“Ok deep breaths just say it out loud ok fuck, fuck fuckfuckfuck alright universe I have a HUGE fucking crush on Karkat—.”
You burst out of your blanket prison violently thrashing.
“WHAT.”
Dave emits one of the highest pitched screeches you have ever heard. You actually have to cover your ears for a second.
“WHAT IN THE EVERLOVING FUCK ARE YOU DOING THERE?” he half yells, half shrieks. If it were any other time you would have found it funny. He’s leapt back, nearly off of the couch, his face nearly the exact shade of his cape.
“No wait BACK UP, what did you say?” you yell, fuck volume control right up the ass.
“Nope, nope nope nope, not doing this holy shit,” Dave says, falling gracelessly from his perch on the couch and RUNNING out of the room.
You sit there; too dazed to follow him and torture him for more information (you know all of his ticklish spots. Information earned at the steep cost of him finding yours). So instead you sit there and just try to work through one thought.
“Dave has a crush on me,” you say aloud. It echoes back at you slightly in the room, which has oddly become slightly warmer? Even though you had just been under all of those blankets wow that’s weird. You realize that you’re hyperventilating a bit, which is really odd why would you be-?
It suddenly hits you that you might, just a tiny, miniscule, infinitesimal bit, might like Dave back.
“Ohhhh shiiiiiit,” you groan into your hands because this was not what you signed up for and how could you have missed something so obvious?
You elect to hunt down Dave tomorrow and talk, you’re not sure your pump biscuit could handle it anytime soon.