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Chuuya hears gunshots. He couldn’t tell if he heard 3 or 4. He hears someone talking, as if it was their final words. He’s confused, what the hell is happening? Hell, he was even holding a gun.
It was like someone else was controlling his goddamn body. He slowly gained consciousness, smelled blood and saw red slowly oozing out of someone's body. Chuuya felt time stop.
Dazai.
It was Dazai.
Chuuya felt numb. It was Dazai’s blood. His blood slowly went to Chuuya’s shoes. “Dazai…!” He screamed. Chuuya immediately went beside his body.
“Hey… This is all some fucking sick joke right? You’re actually awake and… and you’ll survive…” Chuuya’s voice trailed off. He held Dazai’s hand. It was cold, too cold for comfort. His eyes… They were closed. So he’s sleeping right? Chuuya thought.
“Dazai? This isn’t real. No way you’re fucking dead. You’ll survive. You will, cause you’re Dazai, Dazai Osamu. You can’t… You’re smart. There’s no way you’re dying because of this.” His head fell to Dazai’s shoulder.
Chuuya whispered softly, enough for his partner to listen, “…Osamu, wake up. This isn’t real. You’re awake. You’re just joking. You’ll… You’ll say something and then… you’ll defeat the enemy…”
He choked on his words. The gunshots… was it because of him? The gun he had earlier. Did he… No. He didn’t kill Dazai. He didn’t. He fucking didn’t. No fucking way he killed Osamu. He starts to feel his eyes water.
He hasn’t cried in ages.
Chuuya cried even harder as he remembered his partner saying something he’ll most likely never forget, “I want to die a painless death.”
It was his fault. It was his fault that Dazai Osamu died. He shot him with a gun. It was his fault. He hugged Dazai’s body as he apologized relentlessly, over and over again, hoping that he’d listen from above.
All he could do was apologize, apologize and apologize. He knew Dazai hated pain, and yet he was the one who made him feel it. He was the one who killed him. Chuuya killed Dazai.
But maybe, there was hope. Hope that Chuuya gets into a hospital with Dazai in his arms.
This is when he realized he should check his pulse, which he did, frantically.
There was a glint of hope in Chuuya’s eyes. When he checked Dazai’s pulse, he didn’t feel anything. No, there was no way. Chuuya quickly held Dazai bridal style and ran fast.
He realized Dazai has gotten heavier, they really made him eat in Mersault, huh.
However, he couldn’t focus on that. Dazai needs to be alive. He managed to get in the emergency room of the first hospital he saw.
A few minutes later, the doctor came to check on Dazai.
“…There is no easy way to say this, if you brought him just a few minutes earlier he could’ve made it. Sorry for your loss.” The doctor looked down.
Ah.
Ahh…
So it’s all my fault?
Chuuya thought so.
I could’ve seen his eyes open if I made it here just a few minutes ealier.
No, as long as he was still alive… Chuuya seemed to not let go of that thought.
My fault… This is all my fault…
Dazai died because of Chuuya,
Chuuya killed Dazai.
That was all Chuuya thought of.
They moved Dazai to a hospital bed and Chuuya called Dazai’s co-workers using his phone.
Some of them arrived in under an hour.
Atsushi… was it? Dazai talked about him like he was his child. Atsushi was crying beside Dazai.
Atsushi loved Dazai and you killed him.
Akutagawa came with Atsushi to the hospital. He looked like he was about to cry, but he remained calm. He was beside Atsushi while he was crying.
Akutagawa loved Dazai and you killed him.
Kunikida Doppo, Dazai’s partner in the agency, who Dazai told him reminds him of Oda Sakunosuke, was silently crying at the edge of the room.
Kunikida loved Dazai and you killed him.
Yosano, that crazy doctor, is what Dazai described her one night while both were in bed at Chuuya’s apartment, was outside of the room sitting on one of the chairs. She was in deep thought.
Yosano loved Dazai and you killed him.
Ranpo was sitting down in the room, he was silent and was looking at Dazai’s body.
Ranpo loved Dazai and you killed him.
It was okay, because Chuuya would join him soon.
Maybe then both would live happily ever after.