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258 days.
Two hundred and fifty eight days.
It’s been that long since the last time Mirage saw Noah.
That was eight months and two weeks without hearing his voice.
Thirty seven weeks since the last time Mirage had held him.
Mirage had been on earth for many decades now. He decided to stay after he was repaired all those years ago when they were young.
He enjoyed his time on Earth with Noah.
They did a lot of things during their time together, and knowing just how short Noah’s lifespan was compared to his, Mirage made sure they had the best life possible.
There were ups and downs of course.
Mirage always wondered if Noah ever regret their time together, and how he never had the chance to get married or have his own kids.
Noah would just laugh at him.
The things Mirage would do to just hear it one last time.
Ever since Noah had been gone, Mirage spent a lot of his time driving back and forth to the cemetery where his stone was.
Mirage had the route mapped out like the back of his servo now, he could drive through here with his optics closed if he so wished.
It was around sunset, the usual time Mirage would drive over to the cemetery after a long day of doing pretty much nothing.
Optimus had warned Mirage that a lot of sparkache was to come at the expense of outliving Noah and his very little lifespan.
It was an ache that Mirage was prepared to live for for the rest of his life just to live a life down here with him.
They were Junxies, after all.
It became official when Noah was twenty seven and prepared to make the commitment to him, and Mirage was overjoyed.
Noah didn’t have a spark, but Mirage pressing his spark just over his chest was enough to wed them both as official junxies.
Both of them were ecstatic.
They were connected like no other being.
Nothing could keep them apart.
“Hiya love.” Mirage cooed quietly as he approached Noah’s private gravestone spot, wheeling up to the pavement as he transformed.
Kris made sure that Noah had his own spot, so there would be enough room for Mirage to sit down with him, and because Noah was their entire world.
He deserved this.
“You’re looking a little dirty aren’t you?” Mirage purrs softly while he takes a seat in the grass just in front of the stone, using his digits to rub at the dirt on the top of his stone. “It’s okay, I’ll hose you down tomorrow, yeah? I’ll make you look shiny and new again.”
Those words hurt him in a place he didn’t know he had.
“Mirage, please. I can’t stand seeing you rusting like this.” Noah had said a long few years ago.
Noah was in his early forties, and noticed Mirage was becoming significantly more rusted than usual.
“I’m perfectly fine!” Mirage insisted at the time, gently flicking his chassis with his digits. “See, perfectly okay!”
“Just let me take care of the rust, okay? I’ll make you look shiny and new again.” Noah was approaching his desk to grab the appropriate tools to get the job done.
But Mirage approached and took his wrists gently, turning the man to face him.
“It’s fine, Noah.” Mirage insists once more, “I just… I don’t like seeing you get old while I still look shiny and new and young again.” He whimpered softly to him, watching Noah furrow his eyebrows sadly.
“I just… I want to feel like I’m getting old too. With you. This rust makes me feel that way… And I don’t want to get rid of it.” Mirage’s thumbs gently caress over the top of Noah’s veiny hand.
He took a deep breath and sighed in, but he smiled.
“Well. If it’s what you want, I’ll leave it alone.” Noah promised quietly to his mate who smiled down at him.
“It’s all I want.” Mirage purred and leaned down to kiss him on the lips
Mirage smiled fondly at the little memory while his digits were still caressing the top of the stone, getting rid of as much debris as he could until he got the chance to hose it down.
“Kris and the kids came over this morning.” Mirage told him, sitting there on his knees while he continued to stroke over the top of Noah’s stone. “It was nice seeing them again. I haven’t seen them for a while.”
Ever since Noah died the family had been pretty distant, due to them all taking their own time to mourn and grief the loss.
Mirage had never mourned in his life, and this was the first.
He never knew how much it could hurt.
“I really miss you.” Mirage said quietly, leaning down to kiss the top of the stone. “Every day, every hour, every minute.”
Mirage had never felt so lonely in his entire life since meeting Noah.
They spent their every hour together for decades, they knew each other like the back of their hands.
Waking up alone every day.
258 days.
It was a pain that Mirage knew would never go away.
Optimus offered years and years ago to bring him back home once Noah’s lifetime was up.
Optimus couldn’t stand the idea of Mirage being alone down here once he was gone.
But Mirage never contacted him.
He wanted to stay down here, where Noah was.
“I miss our little wash days where you’d spray me with the hose and rub me over with sponges and soap.” Mirage smiles to himself, gently fitting his digit into the engraved ‘NOAH DIAZ’ on the stone, stroking through the letters.
“I also miss annoying you while you tried to work in the warehouse.”
Noah and Mirage had moved a few times years ago until they found a comfortable spot that was bordering the suburbs where it was quiet and spacious for them.
Enough space for Mirage to live a comfortable and free life anyways.
Noah had upgraded from the tiny garage to a spacious warehouse where Mirage didn’t have to be conscious about his height, and it left them more space to work.
However Mirage always found a way to invade Noah’s personal space and he never complained.
“And I miss when you’d spend hours fixing up my coating and scolding me for getting too dirty.”
Mirage enjoyed the weekends where Noah would do a weekly clean of Mirage to make sure he was always shiny.
Though over the years Mirage grew fond of the way he rusted when Noah got too old to wash and take care of him every week.
He enjoyed the way it made him feel like in a way, he was growing old with him.
These parts that Mirage kept sacred on his body were parts he would never replace.
Because these were parts that Noah touched and cared for so delicately.
Parts Noah had kissed and handled with such care.
Parts that aged with him.
Replacing these parts would make Mirage feel like he was letting go of Noah.
Replacing these parts would mean losing one of few things he had left of his mate. His everything.
So he was never going to replace them, neither was he going to get them touched up despite the amount of times Kris offered.
“It’s really lonely without you.” Mirage crossed his legs comfortably, adjusting some of the flowers around the stone while he talked. “I still go on our morning and night drives, but they aren’t the same.”
Mirage and Noah had made it routine to drive around every morning and night together, simply for some quality time and a way to get out of the garage.
They always drove into the city where Noah could pick up food and they’d hang around at a watch spot together and talk for hours at a time.
Mirage had been so used to getting shut down because of his chatterbox nature but Noah embraced it so lovingly and never failed to chat just as much, sometimes even more.
His spark always felt so warm around him.
Now Mirage rode through the streets with an empty drivers seat.
He would still talk as if Noah was there, talking about the different stores they passed and the things he would buy and eat if he had the ability to.
But it was so, so lonely never getting a response back from the voice he needed the most.
The voice that told Mirage he was loved a thousand times a day.
One that simply echoed from hollow memories now.
“I just wish you were here.” Mirage felt his optics tear up slightly, and he was fighting so hard not to break down.
Noah made him promise during one of his last moments that he wouldn’t cry too much after he was gone.
Because Noah didn’t want him to spend the rest of his life wailing his heartache.
Mirage had held him so close when Noah was ready to go.
He bundled Noah so tightly in his lap and held him like you would hold a crying child, rocking back and forth while he sobbed.
Noah didn’t cry.
He just smiled at Mirage hoping that it would stop his tears but it didn’t help.
It just made Mirage realise how much it was going to hurt knowing he was never going to see that smile again.
“I’m so sorry that I can’t make you live as long as me.” Mirage had cried to him, cupping his face with his servo and stroking through his hair. “If I could give up my life of immortality just to live one with you, I would in a sparkbeat.”
“I know you would.” Noah had said quietly to him. “You made mine worth it, anyways.”
Mirage’s lips trembled while he tried to smile down at him, leaning to kiss the top of Noah’s forehead and hold him closer.
“I don’t want you to go.” Mirage cried softly, his voice muffled against his head.
“We knew it was going to happen.” Noah mumbled.
“I just wish it didn’t have to happen now. Or ever.” Mirage took a deep sniff and tried to compose himself, continuing to rock his body back and forth while Noah was bundled in his arms.
“I’ll love you for a thousand more lifetimes to come, just not in this one.” Noah closed his eyes to relax, his face pressed against Mirage’s chassis where his spark was glowing bright and vibrating comfortingly.
Mirage stroked the back of his head with his digits, smoothing through his curled hair while he was cradling Noah close to him.
“I love you. More than anything. And I hope you know that.” Mirage mumbled into his neck.
“Course I do.” Noah said, quieter this time. “And I love you too. Just make sure you don’t love another more than me.”
That was impossible anyways.
Performing the ritual of ‘combining sparks’ meant that you were now mates for life.
It was a commitment they were ready to make, despite how much they knew it was going to hurt when Noah’s time was up.
Mirage though he was prepared for this moment.
He thought he was ready to hold Noah for the last time.
How wrong he was.
Mirage couldn’t stop crying, despite how much Noah was trying to soothe him and try to ease his sparkache.
Mirage gripped Noah’s frail hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze and Noah did his best to squeeze it back.
“Make sure to look out for me when you go to our watch-spot at night.” Noah said to him, voice getting quieter. “I’ll be up there now forever for you to see. So don’t be sad.”
Mirage tried his hardest not to wail at those words.
The idea of Noah no longer sitting on his hood stargazing and pointing to the different planets and stars, naming every single one.
This time Noah would become one of them.
“I hope I’m the prettiest, brightest star in the sky for you.” Noah took a deep inhale and exhaled shakily.
“You already are.”
That made Noah smile.
The last one before he relaxed completely, holding onto Mirage’s servo and giving it a final squeeze before his grip relaxed.
That’s when Mirage wailed.
The moment he felt Noah get significantly lighter and quieter.
Mirage sat there on his knees cradling Noah’s lifeless body against his, crying into his curls and making them damp.
He sat there for hours.
Mirage felt the tears running down his faceplates now while he was tidying up around his little patch, rearranging the flowers once or twice and rubbing off the last of the dirt from the stone.
“I miss you. And I love you.” Mirage said quietly. “I’ll find you again, I promise. Maybe not now, but I will.” He sat back down on his knees, hanging his helm over and shutting his eyes to compose himself.
When he eventually raised it, he opened his optics and noticed a very bright star faintly twinkling in the pale blue sky.
It wasn’t night time yet, but every now and then you could see the stars appear before it even got dark.
This time it was special.
This was Noah’s star.
The prettiest, brightest star in the sky.
“Hiya baby.”