Work Text:
Atsushi realizes now is the time to test his stealth.
He's gotten home from work pretty late. It's two hours before midnight and he's so ready to go to sleep after an incredibly long day at the Agency, but he's facing a dilemma.
Ryuunosuke is asleep in his bed. Of course he is. He often comes by without warning whenever Gin isn’t home with him, and Atsushi’s come to expect it. He doesn’t like being alone, evidently, much less sleeping alone. He’s never told Atsushi why, but he doesn’t need to. Atsushi understands.
That’s not his dilemma, however. Ryuunosuke hasn't been well recently, and Atsushi refuses to sleep in the same bed as him, but not because of Ryuunosuke. Because Atsushi is the most restless sleeper he knows, and Ryuunosuke is a light sleeper when he’s ill. It’s really not a good combination, and it creates a cycle of Ryuunosuke not being well rested and then feeling worse the next day. Atsushi is horrified that he’s making things worse than he needs to be.
So on days like this, he sleeps on the couch.
Only, he needs to sneak into his bedroom to grab a blanket.
He tries to remember what Kyoka taught him. Breathe so quietly that you can’t hear yourself, she said. That was the first step. Don’t have any hesitation in your moments. Plan out your route. The faster you are, the better.
He’s reaching into the closet when he hears the mattress behind him shift.
"Jinko…?"
Atsushi wasn't expecting a word out of him, but part of him is still hoping that maybe he hasn’t seen him, he’s only guessing, so Atsushi is in the doorway on his way out with a blanket for his night on the couch.
"Where are you going…?"
Ryuunosuke definitely sees him, Atsushi turns around and sees his tired eyes on him head lifted only slightly, without any energy to make any further movements.
Atsushi almost cringes at the way his voice sounds, because it sounds like it hurts. It’s so scratchy and hoarse. It was starting to sound like that when Atsushi saw him yesterday. He’s hoping it’s just from lack of use, but he knows better than that.
"Oh, just - to the couch," Atsushi says nervously like he's been caught doing something bad. His first inclination was to continue to ignore him and keep walking, but now he's worried Ryuunosuke needs him for something. "Do you…need something?"
"You," he croaks, reaching out a weak hand in his direction, "come here."
Atsushi bites his lip. Of course, he wants nothing more than to sleep beside him, but the guilt won’t let him. "But you're not feeling well, Ryuu, and I move a lot in my sleep, and -"
"It's fine," Ryuunosuke tells him, and Atsushi realizes he won't be able to worm his way out of this because Ryuunosuke is the most stubborn person he's ever met. Even if this is about his health and rest.
Atsushi sighs and drops his blanket right outside their room to climb into bed with him, albeit rather reluctantly. Ryuunosuke sits up, something that takes quite a bit of effort, it seems, before he reaches for a glass of water he seems to have set aside on Atsushi’s nightstand.
It’s just his luck, of course, that a coughing fit starts before he can take a sip of the water.
Atsushi had already laid down but he sits up right away to lay a hand on Ryuunosuke’s back as he coughs. They sound so painful and tired like they’ve been plaguing him all day, and Atsushi’s heart hurts at the thought of that. He hates it even now, not being able to do anything but watch. All he has is a barely comforting hand as he watches Ryuunosuke’s eyes screw shut even tighter.
It starts to die down soon enough and Ryuunosuke drinks a good amount of the water in some attempt to soothe his throat, Atsushi images. It didn’t sound like his normal cough, it sounded like it was made much worse by something like a cold.
“There’s cough medicine in the drawer. And that throat spray stuff, too,” Atsushi says, a hand still rubbing Ryuunosuke’s back.
Ryuunosuke slowly lowers the glass of water down into his lap. “And why do you have those things in there?”
“For you,” Atsushi says meekly. He feels like he’s in trouble, even though it’s something he only meant to be helpful.
Ryuunosuke’s eyes drop down to the glass of water, and he’s still for a few moments, lost in thought. Atsushi almost interjects to say something, but he’s pulled out of it soon enough.
“I had cough medicine an hour ago,” he says quietly, but he leans over to open the drawer for the spray, Atsushi thinks. Atsushi nods. He hasn’t been asleep all that long after all, then. Ryuunosuke parts his lips and sprays the medicine into his throat without so much as a flinch, and probably sprays a bit more than what’s recommended, but Atsushi figures he knows what works for him.
Atsushi has only had to use that sort of thing once or twice, and he flinches every time. The fact that Ryuunosuke is so used to it that he doesn’t even make a face after it settles in his mouth hurts Atsushi, for some reason.
He lays it on the nightstand and slowly sinks back into the bed, taking a spare pillow and tucking it between his arms as he lays on his side, Atsushi slowly doing the same to face him. Atsushi takes note of the fact that it’s a tiger-shaped throw pillow that was on the couch. He seems to favor that one.
They’re just quiet for a while, staring at each other. Ryuunosuke’s eyes show he hasn’t had an easy day. He’s exhausted. He can’t seem to open his eyes more than halfway, and the dark circles are worse than normal. He sort of wonders what Ryuunosuke sees in his own face, if he's even thinking about that. Maybe that’s just him.
"How was your day, Atsushi…?" he asks, apparently tired enough to use Atsushi’s name, for once. It sounds like he's fighting sleep. Atsushi really doesn't need him to be making small talk, especially after that painful coughing fit, but Ryuunosuke won't back down without an answer.
"It was good. I got a lot done at work. Started a new case with Kyoka," Atsushi tells him. Kyoka has started her own detective work recently, instead of just assisting - with Atsushi’s supervision, of course. "She's pretty good at this stuff."
"She is…that's good," he answers quietly, and almost seems to relax a bit.
"Have you been feeling bad all day, Ryuu?" Atsushi asks him with a heavy heart.
"On and off," he answers. That's a common answer from him, but the real 'on and off' he's seen him through hasn't looked any different than him feeling miserable all day, so Atsushi's never inclined to believe that white lie. He has a feeling he only words it that way so Atsushi won't worry as much. "I arrived here a few hours ago, and…Gin brought dinner. But she had to leave for work again…”
He sort of wonders if Gin knew Ryuunosuke would be here, or if she just suspected it. “It’s been a while since you saw her, right? She was in Kyoto.”
"She was…it was nice to see her,” Ryuunosuke nods meekly. “She left macaroons for you in the fridge.”
“For…me?” Atsushi says. Atsushi loved the one she let him try the last time he saw her. Maybe he made that a little too obvious. “That’s really nice. You’ve gotta tell her I said thank you.”
He’s briefly distracted by an out-of-place stand of Ryuunosuke’s hair. He reaches forward to pat it down, and notices a shudder of his shoulders before he takes his arm back and looks down to find Ryuunosuke's eyes shining with oncoming tears, and his brain goes on high alert.
"Hey, hey," Atsushi starts, pressing a hand to his forehead and the other to his cheek, clicking his tongue. He really should have checked for this sooner, but the tears are a dead giveaway that he has a fever. He always seems to lose control over his emotions when he’s running a temperature. "You're burning up, Ryuu, have you had a fever all day? What's wrong, huh?"
He turns his head to hide his face in the pillow and even brings up the tiger pillow to conceal it even more, but Atsushi decides he won't let him. He doesn’t take his hand away, he takes the tiger pillow, which is quickly taken back by a tendril of Ryuunosuke’s shirt that holds onto it so tight Atsushi has no chance.
"Hey, talk to me," Atsushi says his voice wavering just a bit. He sits up some. Even if fevers make him emotional like this, it’s not at all normal for him to cry unprompted.
He's stubborn as hell, but he folds easily when he's sick.
"I hate when she has to see me like this," he whispers, turning his head back just the slightest, revealing a pillow spotted with tears that have already fallen. "I hate that you have to put up with it."
"Stop that, I'm not putting up with anything. I care about you and I'll do whatever you need me to do because I want to," Atsushi tells him. He shuts it down quickly because he knows how Ryuunosuke holds onto his thoughts, he's just like Atsushi in that way. "I mean that."
Ryuunosuke doesn’t seem to take that to heart, though. Surely, he’s used to people saying things to him to get their way.
“Do you think I’d buy medicine for you if I thought you were some kind of burden?” Atsushi says, softening his voice just a bit. He scoots a little closer to that he’s right next to Ryuunosuke’s head, at the perfect spot to run a hand through his hair. It’s clean and soft. He imagines Gin urged him to shower.
Ryuunosuke is still quiet, but his shoulders don’t look so tense. Atsushi will take that over nothing.
“And…I don’t want you to think I don’t want to sleep in bed with you ‘cause I don’t want to put up with you,” he says gently. He’s not sure if that was part of why he feels this way, but he doesn’t want him to think that either way. “I just feel guilty when I’m the reason you can’t sleep. I don’t want you to feel worse ‘cause of me.”
“I can’t sleep without you,” Ryuunosuke says quietly, barely above a whisper. “I’ll take a night of dealing with you over no sleep at all.”
Atsushi’s heart sinks.
Does he really mean that? He can’t sleep without him?
“I won’t go anywhere, then,” Atsushi says with a little nod, solidifying it himself. He hates that he’s kept this to himself, and that it only came out now because of his tears. “Well...maybe for a second. I’m gonna get something for your fever, okay?”
Ryuunosuke gives a simple nod before Atsushi reluctantly climbs out of the warmth of the bed. Fever reducers never do much for Ryuunosuke, and Atsushi assumes he’s taken some as a part of the cough medicine, so the least he can do is a washcloth. Atsushi has tried the cooling patches for him before, but Ryuunosuke can’t stand them.
He comes back with a damp washcloth and Ryuunosuke is laying on his back, his head halfway sunk into the pillow. His eyes follow Atsushi as he climbs back into bed with him, and he hovers over him for a few seconds before he pressed a kiss to his forehead, and folds the washcloth before he lays it over that spot.
He loves him. He really does.
He’s never said it out loud, and neither has Ryuunosuke, but Atsushi knows how he feels. Maybe he’ll say it to him one day, but for now, actions are enough, he hopes.
He lays down beside him and cuddles as close as he can as Ryuunosuke’s eyes start to fall shut, evidently feeling a tiny bit better with a cooled forehead. Atsushi has a bad habit of watching him fall asleep, but it’s harmless, he thinks.
“I hope you feel better when you wake up, Ryuu,” Atsushi whispers after a while, but he’s certain Ryuunosuke has fallen asleep already. Now would be a great time to say he loves him out loud, he thinks, but he can't bring himself to do it, at least not yet. So he just opts for a light kiss on his warm, flushed cheek before he starts to fall asleep, too.
When Atsushi wakes up, Ryuunosuke’s fevered warmth is gone from the bed, leaving it much colder than Atsushi can handle.
Where is he? Where could he have gone?
He scrambles out of the bed and takes note that the run is just starting to rise, and Ryuunosuke tends to wake up incredibly early like this, but not when he’s feeling sick. He checks the bathroom and the couch but doesn’t find any sign of him, before he catches sight of Ryuunosuke’s head over one of the chairs on Atsushi’s porch.
It’s the middle of November. Ryuunosuke has no business sitting out in the cold when he’s so sick.
Atsushi slides the glass door open with no discernible reaction from Ryuunosuke. He just sits there with his legs crossed, staring forward into Yokohama’s landscape. Atsushi sees the breath from his nose fog once it his the cold air.
"Ryuu, it's way too cold out here, what're you doing?" Atsushi exclaims, running back inside to take one of the throw blankets from the couch. He's not sure he quite has the heart to pull him back inside, so once he’s back, he opts to lay the blanket over him instead.
"I just needed fresh air," Ryuunosuke murmurs, completely unmoving.
"We can open a window for that kind of stuff," Atsushi sighs, sitting on the table beside the chair Ryuunosuke has claimed as he starts to run a hand through his hair. Ryuunosuke turns his head away to silently tell him he doesn't want that right now, and Atsushi brings his hand back into his lap. "I'll give you some space out here if you want, Ryuu, but this weather's really not good for you."
Ryuunosuke doesn't say anything, which is a sign for Atsushi to stay. Ryuunosuke looks worse. His cheeks are blotchy pink and his eyes are red and glassy, only made worse by the cold air. Atsushi shivers.
"Do you love me?”
Atsushi’s heart stops.
That’s the last thing he was expecting to hear. He almost wants to pinch himself to make sure this isn’t a weird dream, but it’s not. He knows it’s not. Atsushi’s eyes are glued to Ryuunosuke’s profile, but Ryuunosuke’s eyes never once budge from the skyline.
“I do love you,” Atsushi says quietly. His hands shake as he brings them into fists. He wants Ryuunosuke to say he loves him back, but he’s so afraid of rejection even from someone who so clearly cares so deeply for him.
“Why?” Ryuunosuke barely manages. He’s holding back tears again. Atsushi hates that he feels like this. He had a feeling their conversation last night wasn’t the end of it, but it hurts him to think that he’s questioning this, and Atsushi has no idea how long he’s been out here.
“I wish I knew that,” Atsushi says, lowering his head. “I wish I had some poetic reason for you. I bet you would if you were me. But I just…love you.”
Ryuunosuke, surprisingly, seems to except that answer. Atsushi looks up, and the tears don’t fall. He almost looks content. He’s not sure what sort of answer he was expecting, what he wanted to hear.
“I love you too,” Ryuunosuke murmurs, turning his head, finally, for his eyes to meet with Atsushi’s. Atsushi hopes with every bone in his body that his eyes aren’t red from tears he’s already shed, but he chooses to push that thought out of his mind.
“You do?” Atsushi asks with a fond half-smile. “Can I ask you why?”
“I’m not sure either,” Ryuunosuke admits meekly. “I don’t have a poetic reason, it seems.”
Atsushi snorts a laugh. He wants to take his hand or kiss him or hold him or something, he wants to feel the warmth of his skin, but Ryuunosuke’s already made it clear he doesn’t want that right now, at least not on his own terms.
Ryuunosuke’s hand reaches out to Atsushi, and Atsushi wastes not a second to squeeze it.
They stay like that for a moment, and Atsushi forgets how cold it is as he studies Ryuunosuke’s gentle features in silence, until a shiver takes over his frame.
“We should go inside, Ryuu,” Atsushi whispers.
“I know,” Ryuunosuke says with a little nod.
“Can I carry you?” Atsushi asks.
“Yes,” Ryuunosuke answers, and Atsushi reluctantly slips his hand of out Ryuunosuke’s grip to scoop him up into his arms and bridal carry him back to their bedroom, only briefly summoning his tail to close the door on his way inside, to avoid any chilled air from filling his apartment.
He lays him back down on the bed, the same side he was on before, and he lays the comforter up to Ryuunosuke’s shoulders to get some warmth back from being out in that weather. He’s concerned about how red his cheeks are, and his eyes are foggy and unfocused, a clear sign his fever has gotten worse.
His eyes stay on Atsushi, though.
“I’m not sure how I didn’t see it before,” Ryuunosuke murmurs, his voice thick with sleep.
Atsushi tilts his head, unsure of what he means. He lays a hand over his forehead but realizes his own hand is unreliable for checking his temperature, chilled from the cold, but Ryuunosuke relaxes at the touch.
“That you love me,” Ryuunosuke manages as his eyes start to fall shut, despite his attempts to keep them open.
“You were never very good at picking up stuff like that,” Atsushi says with another fond smile, brushing a few strands of hair from his face. “But I’ll tell you whenever you want me to.”
“Hmm…” Ryuunosuke hums. “Now?”
“I love you,” Atsushi says. He almost wants to laugh. Ryuunosuke is kind of adorable, for a Port Mafia assassin. One that’s tried to kill him once or twice. “Then you’ve gotta tell me whenever I want, too.”
“Mhm…seems fair enough,” Ryuunosuke agrees, his body relaxing as sleep starts to take over. “I love you, Jinko.”
Atsushi’s tempted to mess with him over saying it despite Atsushi not asking in that moment, but he’s so close to sleep he’s not sure he’ll make it through a quarrel, so Atsushi just kisses his cheek, and crawls into bed beside him.
“Sleep well,” Atsushi says, sleep starting to take him in as well.
He’s going to ignore he has work in an hour.