Chapter Text
"Positions everyone. It's starting!" The manager alerted. An idol group has recently gone viral, both because of their talent and their charm. Well, maybe just because of their charm. The young man nodded, taking a deep breath, They walked to the stage, as the curtains revealed the awaited idol. The crowd grew louder. Some screamed at the top of their lungs, just hoping they could get the idol's attention.
"Kokushibo!!"
Life as an idol. Adored by the media, having fans all over the world, knowing that they all would crumble to the ground to prove their loyalty to him. It must be nice being famous. Being a celebrity at such a young age. That is most people's dream, being known, and being "rich". Though they all looked at him with admiring eyes, there too was envy.
In the world, popularity was everything. What does a successful idol like "Kokushibou" have to complain about?... There isn't anything good without bad. Even if he was showered with love and support. As If it was that easy.
Even being famous has its consequences. For example, he can't walk around alone and have privacy. He can't help but be stopped and helped back whenever a fan recognizes him. Lastly, he will always be judged.
Wherever he goes, those hateful eyes would follow him. In his life, no one stands by his side. One wrong move and it will be over, one misunderstanding, and his life is ruined. That's how it is if you are the center of attention. It's like walking on eggshells. One single move. But he's used to it.
People are cruel. They are evil. They do not care about the receiver's feelings when they comment hurtful things to him. They do not care that behind that idol was a seventeen-year-old boy who was trying to survive in this cold world. A child against thousands of hateful people.
And being loved isn't so much good as well. People rarely leave him alone. His fans would go above and beyond for him, which is great in certain aspects. Yet some have decided to follow him. Saying how much they would do to even get a stroke on his red hair. It creeps him out. There was even a possibility he was being stalked. Being famous can be a nuisance.
He scrolled down his phone to see the review of his latest performance. Supportive, creepy, hateful. It was nothing new, everything he had seen before. Around this time he shouldn't think much of it. And it wasn't only him getting through this. But he still found it weird.
He tried his best you know? Sacrificing his health and life to give the best performance he can. People have limits, don't they understand? He's human. He is not perfect.
At first, his mental was quite fragile, due to him being spoiled as a child. He didn't know how cruel the world could be. Their beloved idol, Kokushibo covers many things about his past, so much that they didn't even know his real name, Kokushibo was a nickname, a weird one but unique. People are eager to know, to reveal. The idol Kokushibo is loved. Someone people would look up to. But not Michikatsu.
Michikatsu was a naive kid. He hides behind his family's name and shadows. His career choice was an insult to them. Michikatsu was the second born of the Tsugikuni family, was because he is now disowned. Well, no one ever really expected anything of him, other than he will fail. No one cares about his decision. That is until he was eight. When the heir of their clan suddenly disappeared. When his older brother ran away.
His older brother was a genius, they always commented. A blessing, Capable of the responsibility of an heir. So much talent for a little kid, he is the definition of perfect. So perfect, they don't even need a second child. They humor him.
His existence was not at all needed in their family, in the world. Michikatsu is like a pet. A toy. How the lady of the clan always wanted to carry a sweet child, since her firstborn was already adult-minded. Her first child was aware. Already facing the world as if he wasn't just a child.
That's where Michikatsu's role comes in. They barely gave him any lessons or studies. He was left to play all day. As if his job was to sit down and look pretty. Be some kind of decoration to the house. And it doesn't matter since. "Your brother will take care of it all." His mother's sweet voice reassured him.
Michikatsu was homeschooled. Barely anyone was aware of his existence, he stayed silent behind his brother's shadow. He lived in the back of their mansion with only his mother to take care of him.
His father never visited, nor did his brother. He did know his father disliked him. He heard the conversation between their parents to put him up for adoption. His only use was to entertain his mother.
'Mother barely let me play outside.' He often looked out the window. Behind the mansion was a forest, how he wished he could run there and waste his energy. It seems more fun than getting dressed in different clothing by his mother.
One simple request of wanting outside could lend him a punishment though. When His mother is unhappy, she might not visit him for days to a week. He feels like he is walking on eggshells when talking to her.
The news of his brother running away filled the family with dread. It was unlikely of him, why would he do that? Why would he leave them like this? The compliment he was a genius was no lie since they couldn't find him even after several months.
The time was ticking, and they can't keep searching forever. What if he was never found? Their last option was Michikatsu. His father said that this was his first and only opportunity to be useful. But this title was suddenly on him when he hadn't been taught a single thing. Of course, he struggled. His father was unhappy with him, and so was his mother. She wasn't ready to move on from her little doll. Chaos surrounded their family for months. It even led to divorce, and he was won over by his father.
That year, he lost both his mother and his ability to be happy. He lost his brother too, but from the start, he was separated. The mentions of his name were rare that he forgot, he may not even know it in the first place. And he can't remember his face.
No one was allowed to discuss him after that since he was now more looked down on than Michikatsu. He was a disgrace, one they aren't allowed to talk about ever. His father might be too late to change his mind about him because Michikatsu cannot compete. He can't reach the same amount of competence his older brother had. He can't be him.
They say a child's personality was made when they were seven. A year too late, but Michikatsu didn't want the family's businesses. He was clueless from the start and he can't fit into this kind of lifestyle. He struggled so much that his father gave up on him.
He was sent to his mother again. Receiving back the love of a mother. He was relieved, yet. After those months of torture, this wasn't what he wanted. Sure it was great to have his mother again. But he feels rather wrong. He should be happy. No more mounted expectations from his father. But the moment he saw his mother as if his brain gave him an alarm. A warning that he isn't in the safe place he thought he was. During those times with his father. He realizes some things.
Michikatsu shares most of his features with his mother. His mother was one of the most beautiful people out there. He would've shared similar traits had he been a girl. Such a shame. But that pretty face of him shall not go to shame. It was too late for him to learn or get a degree, because who would want to spend a large amount of money on someone like him?
Luckily there are other paths he could take, modeling. Yes, pretty people's privilege is that they often don't need a brain to succeed. His mother didn't truly agree with this, as she would rather have her doll son be with her at all times. He rather not. This awful feeling deep inside his chest won't allow it. He wants to do something, to be something. He is getting tired of getting treated like a child.
And then comes his greatest opportunity. There was already no room to say no. He joined an idol team at the age of fifteen. He wanted to be away from his mother, and this was his opportunity to show that he was worthy. No more hiding behind her mother, and no more relying on her for every single thing.
Those years when he sacrificed his life with endless practice works. Was it worth it? Yes. His mother wasn't able to contact him very often because he was busy. She offers to give him an allowance, but he chooses to be independent. He eats cup noodles almost every day.
Being famous doesn't exactly mean being rich. It's teamwork after all, and they all receive their share. He needed money, his last payment wasn't very fulfilling in his life.
Money. That will always be his problem. That will always be normal people's problem. And he doesn't have enough privileges. It's hard living on the edge. Day by day he would surely fall sooner or later. How to survive as an Idol when he can't just have a part-time job? It's unsafe.
What about his friends? The same group of people that he performs with. They were the people who were most likely to understand his situation.
"Well... You're famous. And like the most favored than the rest of us." His friend stated. He was also struggling like him. But he managed to get an offer as a model. His rainbow eyes were the most intriguing. And he was a natural blonde so. He is perfect for it.
"And what can I do with that information?" Douma is one of his close friends, he was the one who asked him to be an idol. The reason their group exists in the first place.
"Well, people liked you Koku. Why not do a meet and greet? And then hope someone gives you donations for dinner." His suggestions can be taken into consideration. But by the way of their system, even that donation will be taken away from him. The manager is greedy. Using their fame for the "studio's benefit." Yet, he's the only one who is thriving.
"The manager quite sucks. But I heard we'll be getting a new one soon. I hope for the best." Right. Rumors inside their team, that there was an offer that they couldn't reject. Someone was willing to buy the whole studio. "You have quite many loyal fans. I think they'd spend some fortune to have dinner with you." Yes. He can't even afford his meal, Why not treat his fans?
Douma is the most creative person he ever met. He didn't remember why he came to him for guidance. But he had good plans. In the event, the person who donates the most will be allowed to dine with their favorite idol.
He didn't like the thought of eating with a stranger. But his stomach begs for something else. With slight hesitations, he agreed.
It was also a handshake event, and they could ask for autographs. Undoubtedly, the place he chose to hold the event was swarmed. His manager stayed beside him, happy to protect his workers and count the donations.
Once He was there he greeted his fans, and they happily introduced themselves. Telling him how much they loved and adored him. They were lovely people. Some were stubborn that security needed to be called but, he was still happy to meet them.
Some tried to ask him personal questions, but he had to evade. None of the mean fans, and he figures out why would they wanna meet the person they hate. Matter of fact, why do they keep watching if they hate him so?
The convention was going smoothly at first. Until his eyes stopped when he saw a distant figure. He felt like sweating. It was someone, somehow he felt familiar with. Why did that guy look like his father?...
He also hoped they didn't go to his line but of course, they did. They're in front of him, giving a genuine smile and he was able to take a good look at him. Why do they have the same hair? 'Ah. He probably dyed it.' It is rare for him to have male fans, but they are there. Most of them weren't adults though. He knew why his heart stopped when he first saw him. Seeing him gave a resemblance to his father.
His father can't bear to look at him. The amount of disappointment he felt, that once it was announced he became an idol. He cut all contact with him. He hasn't been able to talk or even hear about him ever since. He never tried reaching out as well, afraid he would be neglected once again. But he feels maybe he should've tried. Because right after that his father was suddenly found deceased. If only his father liked him, maybe just a little bit. He might have less to suffer. He can nibble on his will if he is still in it.
He hopes to never encounter this man again.
Michikatsu gave up on actually getting that dinner. His manager said that it was good he didn't have much access to food, since he needed his body to stay fit and perfect. They're not going to fulfill their promise unless it is something shocking. And how much will some spend to have dinner with some seventeen-year-old boy who sings and dances?
Three million yen. To say he was surprised was an understatement. He choked on his saliva when he heard that. 'Why.' It's either these people who are too rich or too bored that they are willing to spend a lot of money. Douma was right, surprisingly.
His other teammates did the same, but none of them even came close to that number. Was he finally blessed? Wait. Who gives that donation?
The one who won the event was unknown. They thought a fan girl sacrificed their life savings to be with her idol. They wouldn't expect it was a random rich guy. Neither did he.
"Oh shit." No, he wasn't blessed. He is just cursed in another way. Ah, how much he regretted doing this right now. He was the one who suggested to the manager so there was no turning back. He had to have dinner with a guy who sent shivers down his spine.
"You know on second thought. I do need a diet..."
"Yeah, tell the guy who just gave you three million yen that."
There was no escape. Did the guy do this on purpose? Why is he so scary? He would've been more than happy to eat with an average fan girl. But him?? Oh, how he wished he just bared that cup of noodles one more time. Maybe it would've made a difference.
By the event rule. He must have dinner with this stranger. But honestly, since when do celebrities keep their promises? Can't he just not show up? Can't he just ghost him? "You can't treat this so easily Katsu. He can report you. You'll be a fraud. And he just spent 3 million yen for you." Right. One single wrong move and it'll be over. And he's not that evil...
Spending that kind of money, just for him to not show up? Ah, the media will surely kill him. It's just one dinner. A dinner with someone who looked as scary and as intimidating as his father. How bad could it be? Honestly, this should be better than a fan girl right? They could be leaking information about him and even making a rumor that they're dating.
But what if this guy did this to sell his personal information? No. He's rich already, he wouldn't need that.
If he remembers correctly, this guy has long and wavy maroon hair, that he put in a ponytail. He was far taller, and maybe a couple of years older than him, he was an adult, and he was a minor. If he tried anything funny they could put him in jail.
When they first met, the man was smiling so brightly. So soft. He said he was honored to be with him, just for a simple dinner. Michikatsu can only smile and nod. His throat feels dry.
The dinner was held in some fancy restaurant and a VIP table too. Bodyguards surround them. But it wasn't his bodyguard, it was his guest's.
'Well, now it's clear he's rich rich.' He took a sip of his water. He wanted to order wine, but this guy stopped him. Saying he was too young to drink, which is true, but still. He has tasted liquor when he was far younger. And no one had stopped him before. It's a nuisance. Besides, he'll be using his hard-earned money for the wine. So what's the big deal?
This guy was looking after him for some reason, and he even ordered him juice. That three million yen was the budget for this dinner, and the rest will be given back to the studio. He'll make sure he has a great dinner no matter the situation.
His conversation with the man was close to nothing, except for the guy blocking and altering every single thing he ordered. He wanted his favorite idol to stay healthy. It's getting annoying. He only let it slide because he was unable to find the courage to even talk to him. They're both being rude so that makes it equal. Maybe.
"Here you go" The man pushed his plate towards him. He didn't know if he hated this guy or not, in the end, he was just trying to be kind. He offered to cut his steak for him, which Michikatsu accepted because he didn't know how to do it. "Thank... You." He put a piece inside his mouth. Maybe if he looked busy eating, he wouldn't have to talk. He tried to fill his mind with something, anything. The more he looks at him, the more he feels... Intimidated.
Now that he had a closer view, he recognized those eyes. His eyes. The hateful and judgeful eyes of his father. The sharp eyes that will always catch his mistakes. It was the same. His words feel stuck every time he tries to speak. The memories of his father were relived in this stranger.
He was scared. If it was his father he was facing, he would pity him. Why does his father scare him so much? He remembers those countless screams and demands. All those punishments. Thank god he's gone. 'Yes. He is gone.' He no longer exists in this world. It was just a coincidence that this man in front of him reminded him of his unpleasant memory.
Yet, it wasn't his fault. Not at all."How was your day?" Michikatsu is quite impressed by the amount of patience a guy could have. He was still acting nice and managed to ask him as if they were familiars. Like a parent and their child having dinner together.
"It was tiring." He muttered, without looking the man in the face. He received a nod. He hasn't got any information about this guy. He didn't know why he would spend such an amount of money, and what was his job in the first place to be able to afford it. He hadn't heard of him before. What was his name again?
The awkward silence continued until he heard the man sigh, putting his cutleries down. "You are a very talented person, Michikatsu. But you don't have to be shy around me." Shy? No, he isn't shy. He's just- wait, did he just call him Michikatsu?!
He looked up, seeing a grin across the man's face. He was happy to finally catch the idol's attention. He continued talking saying how much he admired and adored him, a couple of compliments here and there. But that didn't reach his mind. His real name was supposed to be covered. Unknown to the media. How did he? How can he?
"Kokushibou?"
...
"Kokushibo? Are you alright?"
"Huh?" He just called him Kokushibo now. Was he mistaken? Has he misheard? "Kokushibo? You've been staring into nothingness for a long while, are you feeling alright?" Michikatsu shook his head and apologized. "Please, continue." He looked down again. It was a false alarm, he didn't say anything. His brain was playing tricks on him.
The rest of the night continued with the one-sided conversation. But he barely listens now. His mind kept reminding him something was wrong. He tried to convince himself that he was just tired. But what if. What if-
He stood up from his seat. He couldn't take this anymore. "I'm sorry. I'm feeling a little sick. so I must return early. How about we reschedule this dinner?" The pressure was too much. He walked away from the restaurant. The fear engulfed him.
Ah. Why did he do that? Why did he say reschedule? Do they have to meet again now? He should have held it a little longer. It was soon to end. But he kept thinking that he should run. That man is not what he thinks he is. His bodyguard was intimidating. They were all steady, looking at him. He feels as if he's in danger.
Who could he be? Have they met before? How can he know such information? Even though it was little, it was crucial. Did someone from his group leak it? No.
What was the possibility of him knowing his real name? Only his parents, his manager. And some of his friends, who all refer to him as "Kokushibo" or "Koku." He wasn't a social person so he never talked to anyone about this. Who is he?