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“What the fuck!”
Ice looks through the jail cells to see Jake, Bradley, Natasha, and Javy absolutely drenched in maple syrup.
“Hey…Pops.” Jake waves as Bradley tries to groom his sticky mustache. Natasha has her hair down and Javy is talking to another random inmate.
“How the hell did this happen!?”
“Well, you see…”
“I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore…”
“Shut the fuck up, Jake!”
“Sorry I’m trying to make light of this predicament! It’s not my fault our gps went down!”
“ You convinced us to hike all the way in Washington!”
“And? We had fun didn’t we? Javy? Nat?”
“Can you both please shut up. I’m trying to find the North Star.”
“The sun hasn’t even set yet, Jav.”
“And? Let me do my thing, Bradshaw.”
“Hey, look over there!”
The four walk up to a cabin. Jake walks up the steps and knocks on the door.
“If the person in there murders you I’m not getting in trouble with Pops for it.”
“Shut up Brad!” The door opens and a middle aged man steps out.
“Hello?”
“Hey, man…me and my siblings were hiking and we got lost. Do you mind telling us where we are?”
“Oh! You guys are a bit south from Phoenix, British Columbia.”
They all pause. “British Columbia? Where’s that?”
Bradley facepalms as Javy pipes up, “Jake, man…British Columbia is a province in Canada. ”
“Oh. Oh shit. ”
“How the fuck did we cross the border???”
The guy looks amused, “Would you four like to come in?”
“Yes sir.” “Don’t call me any of that sir stuff, you might be polite but I’m not that important.”
They head into his house. “Did he say we were in Phoenix, British Columbia??” “Shut up , Jake.”
“Where are they, Mav?”
“Look Ice, they’re having fun on their hiking trip. I know you’re overprotective over Jake but come on. They’re adults, hun.”
“I am not overprotective. I just worry for their safety with no favoritism.”
Maverick rolls his eyes, smirking. “When did I bring up favoritism?”
“…Anyways, if Jake’s my favorite, Bradley is yours.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about my dear.”
Ice rolls his eyes.
“So you live off the grid or something?”
“Well not really, I work here making maple syrup and I drive it up to Phoenix. I enjoy the Wi-Fi up there.”
“Well do you think we can hitch a ride the next time you drive up there?”
The man thinks for a moment. “Well if you want to stay here, you gotta help me make syrup, that seems like a good idea instead of letting you stay here for free.”
“Sure.”
“Hey, when I wanted to go hiking, I didn’t think manual labor was on the plan!”
Bradley elbows Jake. “Shut up, or you can sleep outside.” He turns to the man. “I’m sorry about my brother here.”
He chuckles, “It’s fine, my name is Ryan, tell me your names.”
“My name is Bradley, he’s Javy, she’s Natasha, and this goofy looking numbskull is Jake.”
“Hey!”
“Hey, this syrup tastes good as fuck!”
Ryan smacks Jake’s hand away from the syrup. “This syrup isn’t for you, it’s for Phoenix.”
Natasha smirks. “Well, my callsign is Phoenix, so I guess it’s for me.”
Bradley rolls his eyes as Jake and Javy snicker.
“Let’s get the syrup out into my truck.”
“Woo! This reminds me of being in the bed of the truck in Texas!” Jake sits in the bed of Ryan’s truck, with the four barrels of syrup and Coyote.
“Go faster!” “Don’t. Please.”
“Don’t worry, I’m not risking my barrels falling out.”
“Jake, sit down before I push you off this truck.”
“It’s been way too long, why haven’t they texted us yet?”
Maverick looks up at him. “They’re probably just, oh I don’t know, having fun. ”
“They can’t even text their worried parents?”
“Worried parent. I’m not worried at all.”
Ice raises his eyebrow. “You can’t tell me after years of not seeing or hearing from Bradley, you’re perfectly fine with him going radio silent in Washington State?”
Maverick smiles. “Yes.”
Baby Goose !!!
78 Missed Calls.
bradley if you don’t open your damn phone and call me or your pops back I will shave your mustache when you’re asleep and I will let Jake drive and CRASH your bronco and I will use ices admiral powers to get you deployed on the WORST carrier known in the damn navy pick up your DAMN PHONE.
21 Missed Calls.
“Wow, this town looks nice for Canada.”
“That’s not the compliment you think it is, Javy.”
“Okay, you four stay out here with the barrels, I’ll go inside and get the money and stuff. When we give them the barrels we’ll find you a way out of here.”
Ryan walks into the building, leaving Bradley, Jake, Nat, and Javy alone with the barrels of syrup.
This would prove to be a big mistake.
“Hey! You four!” They turn to see a group of people walk up to them.
“What’s up homies?” “Shut up Jake. Let the adults talk.”
“Give us your syrup.”
“It’s not our syrup, it’s our friends.”
“I don’t care. Give us the syrup.”
“Uh, didn't you hear? It’s not ours and it’s not yours.”
The guys flip open knives. “Oh shit. ”
Jake turns to Bradley. “Did you bring your pocket knife? Because I didn't.”
“I didn’t this time, actually.”
“We went to Wisconsin to hike, and you two dumbasses didn’t bring a pocket knife?”
Thank god for Nat.
“Can you stab a few of them?”
Javy looks in the direction Ryan walked off in, looking very uncomfortable. “We are illegally in Canada, if i'm the only one who remembers that?”
“I’m not stabbing someone while I’m already an illegal immigrant, Bagman.”
“Well, do you have any other ideas? Last time I was in danger I flipped open my knife and ran away from the cops!”
“I like the running away part.”
“What about the syrup?”
“We can run with it, can’t we?”
“Do you work out or something Bagman?”
“Hey!-“
“Oh my god, shut up! Just give us the damn syrup!”
Jake picks up his barrel and sprints off. “THESE CANADIAN FUCKERS ARE CRAZY!!!”
Bradley immediately grabs his barrel and follows, having been trained by their recent adventure across the country.
Javy runs off next, followed closely by Natasha.
“Hey!”
Mav and Ice sit on the couch, Mav holding popcorn as they watch a movie.
Mav pops a kernel into his mouth. Ice looks at the clock.
“…”
“…”
“…Are you sure they’re okay?”
“Oh my god, Ice!”
The four hide in an alley, the footsteps of their pursuers increasing in volume as they get closer.
“We have to hide.”
“We are hiding, Javy!”
“Do you think they’ll just run past us? This isn’t a movie, Bradley.”
“I agree with Javy. We need a better hiding spot.”
“I have an idea!” Jake grabs a thing of leaves, and opens his barrel.
“All we have to do is jump in the barrels, and cover it with these leaves! Then they won’t see us!”
Bradley, Javy, and Nat look at him.
“…That might be the worst idea I’ve ever heard.”
Jake glares at them. “Hey, I’m not letting these Canadian bitches get me. You do you, I’m jumping in the syrup.”
Javy shrugs, taking off his sweatshirt. “You know what? Fuck it, why not.”
Bradley and Nat look at each other. “Really.”
Nat takes her ponytail out, grabbing a bushel of leaves. Bradley stares at her. “Really??”
He turns his head as the Canadians grow closer. “ Really??? ” He starts taking off his layers.
After the footsteps fade, they get out of the barrels, drowning in syrup.
“Why did I agree to this?” Bradley whines, combing through his sticky mustache.
“We did what we had to do, Brad.” Jake licks syrup off his hand, Javy looking at him with disgust.
”What? The syrup’s good as fuck!”
“God I hate Canada.”
“What do we do now?” They pause. “Well I don’t think Ryan will be happy with us for jumping in his syrup.”
“We only needed him to get us into town. Now we just need to call someone.”
They freeze as they hear footsteps. “Oh fuck my life.” Bradley groans.
Javy gestures to the barrels. “Should we just let them take it? I feel like we don’t really need to keep ‘em.”
As the people from before return, Nat yells. “Take the damn barrels, we don’t care anymore!”
The leader points at them. “Oh, We’ll take the barrels for sure. But we also want you.”
Jake raises his eyebrow. “Why???”
“Americans covered in Syrup? Why not??”
As they move closer, Bradley, Javy, and Nat raise their fists.
Jake scowls as he does the same. “God, I HATE CANADA!”
“…And then the police were called because of the noise and we were arrested. I got a killer mugshot though.”
“I might kill you , Jake.”
“You’re just mad your precious mustache got sticky.” Bradley sticks his tongue out at him, Ice facepalms.
“I told Mav-goddamn it. Stay right here, I’ll get you four out, but if you think I’m letting you in my car before you shower, think something else.”
“Thanks Pops, you’re the best!” Jake sticks his hand out the cell to wave as Ice walks away.
He sighs. God he hates Canada.