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Summary
He should’ve just told Johnny. The other man would’ve understood, he’s sure of it. At the very least, he could have told him that he was not interested in doing any of that tonight. Soap couldn’t fault him for that, could he?
But Johnny had seemed so ready to leave…leave him. And rational thinking tells him that it’s fine, people break up all the time because of sexual incompatibility, that there’s nothing wrong with separating ways if you’re not being fully fulfilled. Johnny would have every right to leave. Simon wouldn’t be able to do anything about it.
But he can do something. And the broken, irrational, insecure, fear-driven part of him that hates losing over and over and over again tells him that he can do this. He can give himself to Johnny for a little while now and again and not have it be a whole…thing. He can relax and let Johnny tell him what to do, and then at the end of it all Johnny won’t leave.
Simon won’t lose someone else.