Archive of Our Own

Joel had one love in his lives, and it was Lizzie. She was perfect to him, and he swore no one could ever match that.

And that’s held up! He’d been accused of many crushes, but none of them made him feel the way Lizzie did, so he wasn’t in love with any of them, obviously. He knew how love felt, and Scar, Grian, Jimmy, Scott, Oli and Callum didn’t make him feel it. Lizzie made him feel like a puppy seeing its owner come home after a long day, an overwhelming sweetness that melted away his usually impenetrable walls. Lizzie was beautiful, no matter what she was doing, wether that be decorating a cute little princess castle for herself to live in, or carefully building a torture room so no prisoners could escape with their legs intact- the point was, no matter what they were doing, he was always happy to be around her.

And that’s all he needed. Lizzie was his favorite person he’d ever met, and she still was no matter the world, no matter her form- it was always her, and there was no Lizzie Joel wouldn’t love. 

And even now, that remains. Etho changes nothing, no matter the snickers and glances the others exchanged when he said they were partners in crime, not partners in love. All the other soulmate pairs, chosen or not, had immediately gone to their own version of romantic- Bdubs, Impulse, Tango and Jimmy had all gone sickeningly domestic, Scar and Grian were…how they always were, Scott and Cleo didn’t change much aside from regular hand-holding, and BigB and Ren? Well, Joel didn’t pay much attention to them. Ren was annoying and BigB’s kindness pissed him off, so he chose to ignore them. Oh, and Pearl and Martyn were off doing their own thing, or something. He hadn’t seen Pearl much and Martyn was almost as annoying as Ren, so again, Joel didn’t care.

He and Etho though? Their dynamic…well, Joel didn’t know how to word it, really. Etho surprised him, immediately taking to his sense of humor and fun- they’d started a bit within minutes of finding out they were soulmates! Boat Boys was going great, and it was…new, for Joel. No one else had taken to him so well before- not so quickly, atleast. You could argue that, well, Grian. But it was different- Grian was chaotic like him, sure, but he didn’t get it so immediately like Etho did, there just wasn’t that instant click.

So, obviously, Joel immediately had to test Ethos limits. What? You expected better from him? Well you’re an idiot then. A stinky, smelly idiot, you are. 

“I’m Etho’s number one fan, obviously.” he stated, showing off his shirt of a crappy version of Ethos face.
“...that doesn’t explain how you got that shirt, Joel.” Scott tried to hide his amusement, but he was far too smiley for that. “Or how you think that relates to you being Etho’s fangirl.”
“I’m not his fangirl, I'm his number one fan!” he huffed. “And I made it myself. It’s Etho’s face~”
“He does not fucking look like that.” Cleo deadpanned. “Do you need glasses?”
“No! I had to stylize it- you think I have time to make a one hundred percent accurate Etho face shirt during our break between sessions?”
“You live with him- you’d think you’d at least do better then…a square.”
“I think it perfectly encapsulates Etho as a person.” Joel stated solidly, only earning laughter from the other two. He just huffed again, rolling his eyes. They just didn’t understand, clearly.

The three of them bickered for a bit after that, none of them actually remembering why they were together after Joel’s declaration of devotion. Or something like that. The question of whether or not Etho knew was brought up, to which Joel only smiled and told them no. The whole server would know before Etho- that way he couldn’t stop Joel, even if he wanted too. It was a perfect plan.

“So- are you sure this one isn’t a crush? You’re quite literally wearing his face on a shirt.”

All of Joel’s enjoyment of the situation was gone with one single question from Scott. Joel didn’t love anyone but Lizzie, and he never would. Everyone knew that- and yet they still asked the question every time. He sighed. “Yes, I'm sure.”
“You’re calling yourself his number one fan.” Scott argued.
“Bdubs does that all the time, to be fair-”
“And Bdubs is so in love with Etho it’s painful to watch, your point?” Cleo cut in.
“...well either way i’m not in love with him. We’re just soulmates, not romantic at all. Y’know, like you guys and your soulmates.”
“WOW-” and just like he’d planned, Joel had turned the topic into something completely different. He was quite good at distracting from conversations he didn’t like, afterall all he had to do was piss someone off, and he prided himself on how good at that he was. Sure, he’d got hit a couple times before running off, and that’d probably annoy Etho, but it was funny. He knew Etho would probably think it funny too, and Joel loved his soft, breathy giggles that always followed an amused eyebrow raise. It was unique, what can he say?

Joel hadn’t expected Etho’s reaction to the number one fan thing at all. He expected annoyance, maybe the fox hybrid trying to get the damn shirt off of him- but no. Surprisingly, Etho laughed, and said it was silly. Joel didn’t have much time to dwell on the fluttery feeling in his chest before the conversation devolved into making fun of each other for their wagging tails. That night though, Joel had…alot of thoughts, as he watched Etho sleep from behind him. Etho didn’t sleep with his mask on, so Joel almost laid down first, having Etho choose who the big spoon was.

Joel thought about how when he was the big spoon, like tonight, he’d drape his arm over Etho, who held his hand gently. Etho’s hands weren’t big necessarily, but they were lanky. Long, slender fingers that easily wrapped around Joel’s whole hand. He thought about how when he nuzzled into the back of Etho’s neck, the taller would giggle softly in his sleep, but not move away at all. It was odd, hearing any noise from Etho that wasn’t muffled by a face mask- but Joel liked it. It sounded whispery, like a soft breeze.

Ah fuck, he’s getting poetic. That doesn’t mean he’s in love or anything though, just that Etho fascinates him. It’s hard to describe the tall man without getting whimsical, it had nothing to do with Joel’s feelings about him, surely. And if the next morning Joel held Etho’s hand while they waited for their breakfast to finish cooking in the furnace, no he didn’t.

As the sessions went on, Joel kept getting the question thrown at him. Was he in love with Etho? No! No he wasn’t! He loved Lizzie, and no one else! And that was final. Despite that, however, while he still did feel the desire to protect Etho, - wolf instincts and all that, - he also felt like Etho was also protecting him. No one had ever made him feel protected like that before. No one, other than…Lizzie. And that scared him. If he did like Etho, and that was a big if, what would Lizzie think? Would she not mind, as long as he didn’t act on it? Would she be hurt? He didn’t want to hurt her! He couldn’t help it, really! He didn’t mean to fall in love with Etho, he just-

… oh.

It finally hit him, as they both fell into the lava around the portal. He loved Etho so fucking much. He loved the mans breathy giggles, he loved his hands that could easily hold his face, he loved how he could tell Etho was smiling when his eyelids were pushed up a little, he loved how he’d been close enough to notice his white freckles, he loved how he’d gently scratch Joel’s head when they had time to just relax, and fuck, he loved Etho. And for one single moment, he didn’t care what happened, and he pulled Etho in to kiss him as they burnt together.

The ship burns, everything burns. Even Joel’s heart, apparently.

Despite all of that, Joel felt an instant sense of dread when everyone was alive again to talk about the game. He watched everyone else start to laugh and joke and jab with each other, while he processed that he just kissed a man without Lizzie’s approval. He kissed someone behind his wife’s back. He was horrified with himself.

“Hey.” Joel looked up, Etho stood in front of him, looking down at him. After a moment of silence, he sat with Joel. “So you're just gonna sit over here zoning out? Not very Joel of you.”
“Erh- s-sorry…” he shrunk away a bit, glancing away.
“ Sorry? What happened to you, man?” Etho giggled that soft, breathy giggle Joel loved so much.
“I-i just- i shouldn’t have- i mean- uhm-” he sputtered, not able to form a sentence even in his head.
“Shouldn’t have kissed me? Why not?”
“I-i have a wife, Etho.”
“I don’t know Lizzie too well- but I don't think she’d care much about one kiss.”
“Well-” Joel paused, thinking on it a moment. He’d flirted with friends plenty as a joke, and Lizzie even encouraged it, thinking it was funny. She didn’t tend to care much at all, really, when it came to his other relationships outside of her. But this was so much more, and so much more real. “...i don’t…i don’t know.”

Etho just huffed, reaching over and gently scratching Joel’s head. The wolf hybrid looked up at him again, surprised. How was he so calm about this? Joel would never understand him. Though he supposed that only added to the appeal, in a way. “You’re staring.” Etho said, cutting into his thoughts. He quickly looked down at his fidgeting hands.
“Oh, uhm- sorry-”
“It’s fine, it’s fine!” Etho laughed. “Loosen up, would you? It’s weird seeing you so…like this.”
“Sor-...uh. M-maybe?”
“Good enough.” he shrugged, and they just sat there. Somewhere distantly, Joel could hear the other server members talking as usual, but it was too far in his head for him to care. For now, he would just enjoy Etho’s company, and his hand on his head. He’d explain everything to Lizzie another time, for now, Etho wasn’t mad, so he’d enjoy what he had at the moment.

And to his surprise, when he got home, Lizzie told him to kiss Etho again.