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Alhaitham comes home that day at an hour when he would normally be at work. Enjoying being home alone, Kaveh has taken a break from drawing, lying comfortably on the couch, his feet on the table. The house is quiet, calm and the couch is just right for him to sleep.
But the peaceful sleep he was about to have leaves his body when the door slams open, causing Kaveh to jump up and pull his feet off the table.
"Alhaitham?"
Alhaitham walks towards him, the cape on his back swinging left and right with each hard and fast step he takes. The expression on his face is different from his normal seriousness, his gaze also hides concern. His normally relaxed eyebrows are slightly furrowed, his jaw is tense, his Adam's apple moves up and down sharply with each swallow. Kaveh knows something is wrong by these body movements that are foreign to Alhaitham.
Kaveh stands up, walks towards him at the same speed, and they meet in the center of the living room. The deep and complex emotions in Alhaitham's eyes are directed at him, so Kaveh tries to think if he has done anything wrong recently to anger him. But he would have realized if he did, wouldn't he?
"What's wrong with you today? You're early. And your face..." As he runs his gaze over Alhaitham's face, his attention is drawn to the thing glowing with green light on his headphones. He knows exactly what this symbol, this green light is. "Is that an Akasha?! I thought the system wasー"
Alhaitham, who has been silent since he came home, speaks for the first time. "Kaveh."
Alhaitham says his name so differently, so hopelessly, that for a moment he doesn't recognize it. "Y-yes?"
"Hold this." Alhaitham reaches into his cape, pulls out what he has been hiding and hands it to him. Kaveh looks at the Knowledge Capsule and at the Akasha on Alhaitham's ear, trying to connect the dots in his mind.
"Why do you have a Knowledge Capsule? They don't work anymore. Neither the Akasha." Still, Kaveh takes the capsule handed to him, turning it over and over in his hands, trying to figure out what knowledge is inside. "Did you steal them? Are you making me your accomplice?"
"No, I didn't steal them. They were given to me by Lord Kusanali herself."
The uneasiness blooming inside Kaveh grows.
"Lord Kusanali? Why?"
"I will explain." Alhaitham's voice trembles strangely, but to Kaveh's ears, accustomed to his normally confident and decisive voice, it sounds foreign, and he thinks he has misheard. "Please listen to me carefully."
"Okay." Kaveh nods. "You're making me nervous."
Alhaitham takes a deep breath, while Kaveh holds his breath.
"You probably don't know the concept of the Forbidden Knowledge. I didn't know about it either until Lord Kusanali explained it to me."
Alhaitham stares at the floor for a while, silent. Kaveh, impatient as he is, waits for him to continue because he is afraid of what he will hear. It's not normal for him to say such things out of the blue, there must be a reason behind it. "It is not appropriate for me to explain this to you. Knowing this is enough: Forbidden Knowledge is something that shouldn't exist."
"Forbidden Knowledge..." Kaveh repeats. "Why are you suddenly talking about this?"
"It is something that should be erased from the world."
Even though Kaveh has not yet heard the bad news, he feels the uneasiness in his gut creeping up through all his organs, climbing up to his throat. "...and?"
"Kaveh, it exists in my mind."
"What?" Kaveh's hands holding the capsule begin to tremble, along with his whole body. From what he's telling, there's only one outcome to this. "There is a way to fix this, right?"
"There is." Alhaitham's turquoise eyes stare at the capsule clutched tightly in his hand. "The solution to this problem is in your hands."
Kaveh's gaze follows Alhaitham's, shifting to the large capsule between his hands. He understands very well what he means, the reason why this capsule is here now. But he doesn't want to understand. Is it possible to accept something like this so blatantly, what kind of person would do that?
"I don't understand." Kaveh is trying to pretend, hoping to avoid the truth. He wants to believe that if he doesn't understand, the problem will solve itself.
Alhaitham has no pity for him, even though he understands what Kaveh is trying to do. He tells him bluntly, doesn't let him run away from this problem. After all, how long can one run away from this? This is not an everyday, ordinary problem to run away from. "What you have in your hand will erase Forbidden Knowledge, along with my memories."
As he holds such a cursed thing in his hands, Kaveh thinks. Why did Alhaitham give him this task? Isn't this too selfish even for someone like Alhaitham?
"All of them?"
"All of them," Alhaitham confirms him. "I wanted to do it with you."
"You..." Kaveh feels his eyes begin to fill slowly, the reality that there is no escape hits him hard in the face. Through the tears blurring his vision, he tries to look at Alhaitham's face, to understand him. "Why?"
"It's my last time as Alhaitham. Can I ask at least that much of you?" Alhaitham takes a step closer to him. "Will you spend my last minutes with me?"
"Minutes?" What a short time for such a grand farewell. Minutes are not enough. Kaveh needs hours, days, months. Everything is so sudden, so unexpected, almost unreal. It's like a play written by a cruel writer.
"Akasha helps me control my mind, but I don't have much time."
How can Alhaitham say such cruel things with such a straight face, don't these bitter words burn his lips?
"I will be with you. Do I even have a chance to reject you?"
"You do."
For Kaveh, rejecting him is not even an option. Leaving him to spend his last moments alone is an act that even the cruelest person in the world would not do. And how could he reject him when Alhaitham, of all people, came to him to spend his last moments? It's impossible.
"I would never reject you." The large drops in his eyes can no longer defy gravity and run down his cheeks. "Alhaitham... Iー"
The capsule slips from Kaveh's hands, perhaps he deliberately lets it go. As a result, the capsule falls noisily, bounces on the floor, lodges at his feet.
Kaveh jumps straight to Alhaitham, rests his head where his neck meets his shoulder, wraps his arms tightly around him. His hands grasp the cape on his back, squeezing and tugging it between his fingers. He can no longer hold back the sobs that have climbed up to his throat, they fall noisily from his lips, the tears that fall from his eyes are unceasing. His whole body trembles as if caught in a cold, harsh wind.
"Why?" He tries to wrap his arms tighter, tighter. Even though he knows that no matter how tightly his arms wrap around this big body, he can't stop him from leaving. "Don't leave me. I can't, Alhaitham. I can't bear this pain alone."
"I will not leave you." Alhaitham's arms finally wrap around him, even though it is a little late. He presses Kaveh tightly against his body, wanting to be as close to him as possible, just like Kaveh. "I will be here."
"You won't remember me, remember the times we spent together. Youー" Talking hurts Kaveh's throat so much, the pain doesn't go away despite swallowing. But he has to talk no matter what. "There must be another way. This can't be the end."
"This is the end, Kaveh." Alhaitham's voice trembles distinctly as he speaks this time, like his strong arms around Kaveh. "If I knew things would end like this..." The arms around Kaveh slowly relax. "I will say the things I always wanted to say, if you allow me."
"Yes, yes!" Kaveh wants to engrave in his mind every word that comes out of his mouth. "I will listen everything, even if it's only bad things."
A sound like a chuckle comes out of Alhaitham's mouth. "It's not bad." But his voice quickly turns serious. "Look at me."
Kaveh sniffles, lifts his head from Alhaitham's shoulder, which he has already wet. He bites his lip, trying to hold back his sobs, his chest rising and falling violently as he does so. He puts his hands on Alhaitham's shoulders to stand, unable to trust his own legs.
When he sees his turquoise eyes glistening with tears, his heart takes another heavy blow. He wants Alhaitham not to cry, as if he himself is not sobbing right now. Does he feel the same way, does it make him sad to see Kaveh crying? Kaveh tries to calm down so as not to upset him but fails.
"We have argued too much for a lifetime, but it was never my intention to deviate you from your path. That's how you were special, different. In my eyes you were always a smart, intelligent, successful and beautiful man. I have never regretted meeting you, never regretted a single second I spent with you."
Alhaitham's eyelashes can no longer hold back the tears, they slowly roll down his cheeks as Kaveh watches intently. Kaveh raises his hands, resting his palms against his warm cheeks, desperately trying to wipe away the tears. But every time he wipes them away, new ones flow, don't stop. Kaveh sees him crying for the first time. "Pleaseー please don't cry."
Alhaitham's lips curl slightly. "It's also hard for me. Am I not allowed to cry?"
"Alhaitham, please don't go." He pleads for the last time. "Please, I can'tー" Even as tears well up in his own eyes, he still ignores himself, his fingers trying to dry Alhaitham's wet eyelashes. Every tear that falls from his turquoise eyes makes his heart feel heavier. "Let's leave together. If we try hard enough we can find a solution."
"This is too delusional, even for you." Alhaitham rests his palm on the hand on his cheek, his thumb stroking Kaveh's hard knuckles, trying to calm him. "I love you, Kaveh. My insufferable personality may have prevented you from understanding my feelings, but this is what I feel in my heart. I don't hate you, I never did."
Oh, how he wishes now that this insufferable personality would continue to exist.
His tears become more intense, and the regret of not spending his time properly weighs heavily on his shoulders. "I love you too. I love you soー so much. You're such a fool. My love for you was obvious. Now we don't even have time to..."
"Come closer." Alhaitham interrupts him, perhaps not wanting to talk about regrets in his final moments. "Let's say goodbye now."
Kaveh nods, closing his eyes tightly, willing the darkness he sees to swallow him.
His hands on Alhaitham's cheeks slowly move down to the nape of his neck, pulling his face towards him. But he doesn't even need to use force to pull, the natural attraction between them easily pulls them closer. Their lips touch, they meet perfectly as if they have found the place where they are supposed to be.
Neither of them is shy, and neither of them is slow. They have no time to get used to this closeness, to savour it. They are aware that this is the first and last kiss they will ever share.
Alhaitham's lips move hard over his as if he wants to make up for all the time he spent without him. Kaveh tries to keep up with him, unconsciously digging his nails into the nape of his neck, parting his lips to breathe.
Uncontrollable sobs escape his throat, but Alhaitham traps them between his lips, burying his sadness in the kiss they share. Tears flow from both of them, merging, leaving a salty taste in their mouths, just as a farewell kiss should.
But they cannot continue the kiss. Kaveh is crying so hard, so painfully that their lips cannot even meet. So their lips, which are just getting used to each other, have to part.
When Kaveh pulls his hands away, Alhaitham bends down and picks up the capsule that has fallen on the ground. "Let's do it together."
Kaveh can barely keep his eyes open, the tears stinging his eyes so much that this time he wants to cry because his eyes hurt. He doesn't even dare to look at the device Alhaitham holds in his hand, the device that will be their end. He shakes his head violently from side to side, waiting for some divine force to come to their aid.
"Kaveh, please don't make it harder."
The help he is waiting for does not come.
Kaveh's hands go to the capsule Alhaitham is holding, they hold it together. Even though Alhaitham is carrying most of the weight, in Kaveh's hand the capsule feels very, very heavy.
They are both crying, trying to look at each other through their teary eyes. When Kaveh sees that there is not a shred of hope left in the eyes of the man in front of him, he has to accept their fate. He no longer begs, realizing that this is the only solution they have.
"Thank you for everything, and sorry for being selfish."
It's funny to hear Alhaitham apologize. He always wanted to hear him apologize, but now that he has, he doesn't feel satisfied.
"It's okay. I-I forgive you." Another sob escapes. "I will neverー forget you."
A gloomy expression appears on Alhaitham's face. "I wish you could, it would be easier for you."
Kaveh doesn't answer, biting his trembling lips, trying to smile. He wants to smile at the last moment when Alhaitham sees him as Alhaitham. But this sad face cannot smile, it is more reminiscent of a dying person than a smile. And this expression matches exactly what he is feeling. "Do it now."
Alhaitham does as he is told, looks into Kaveh's scarlet eyes one last time, and returns his smile. Then he closes his eyes, the green lights from the capsule causing Kaveh to close his eyes too.
And the memories Kaveh has created with him over the years are gone in the blink of an eye, in a matter of seconds.