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Kazuha's head was already reeling from the few celebratory drinks he'd had with Beidou and Thoma. What they were celebrating, Kazuha couldn't say for sure. Thoma may have just been excited to welcome old friends.
Reunions of any sort would surely, called for celebration.
But that celebratory high had now worn off, and left Kazuha holding his palms against his ears under a bridge in Inazuma City. The clouds had threatened to rain, and Kazuha had planned to go right back to his lodging to avoid being caught in the worst of it. He knew he had but a few minutes to get from Komore Teahouse to his accommodation, but it didn't stop him from deterring from his original route.
On his way back, he passed by the police station and overheard a couple of the Doushin and Yoriki mention a familiar name.
“…Shikanoin? Beats me. Heard no one has seen him in a few days.”
A flash of lightning. Four seconds. Then the thunder came.
Kazuha scratched at his ear instinctively, the sound far but still harmful to his sensitive ears. Even so, he was curious about the name he had just heard. He knew by the sound of the thunder and the scent of rain in the air that he should have been picking up the pace, but he found his stride shortening, his ears straining for a tiny bit more information.
“Sounds about right,” the other Doushin replied, “Some case came in a couple of weeks ago and he’s been off-site more these days. Nothing to be worried about.”
The conversation between the two trailed off into something less interesting, something that didn’t involve Heizou. Kazuha sighed quietly to himself. He knew of Heizou’s tendencies to go off the grid for a while while investigating cases. Kazuha had hoped to catch him in passing one of these days to catch up while he was back in Inazuma for the month. Three weeks had already passed by, and Kazuha harboured a bit of regret for not seeing him within the first week he had arrived.
Chances were that now, he wouldn’t be able to see him at all.
But there was no time for regrets and self-pity. The scent of rolling rain whizzed around Kazuha a mere few seconds before the downpour began. He had been too careless, distracted by his thoughts. A few annoyed grunts and muffled yelps of surprise clamoured the city as people darted here and there for cover. Kazuha was drenched before he could even think of where to hide.
He considered dipping into the police station since he was in front of it anyway. A quick reconsideration told him that was out of the question. Just because he was no longer a wanted man didn’t mean the thought of being in there wasn’t unpleasant still.
He let his feet guide him somewhere safer, quieter. The sound of the rain against the pavement, the chorus of disgruntled people, the roaring thunder and cracking of lightning – it was too much. His arms felt heavy from the soaked fabric when he lifted his hands to cover his ears. The sensation of his wet clothes on his body made him want to rip them off.
But he was in the heart of the city and knew that was inappropriate. He just had to find a spot that was shielded from the rain. That’s all that was important for now.
Kazuha forced himself to focus his vision. There.
The bridge up ahead had a small dip beneath it, just big enough to fit a couple of bodies. The slope wasn’t steep enough for him to fall off, either. He could nestle himself in there for some time until the downpour eased.
He knew it wouldn’t help to muffle out the sound of the thunder, but people would be scurrying into dry areas now. Some of the noise would die down within a few minutes.
Kazuha took off his outer layers and tossed them to the side. His inner garments were a little wet, but not nearly as soaked as the outer. It was a bit chilly without them on, but it was better to remove them than to catch a cold. He was safe from any rain touching him now, so long as the wind didn’t alter the course of the droplets too much.
With the wet fabric no longer clinging to his arms, and the rain no longer obscuring his vision, he could focus more on the main enemy: the thunder.
The storm was directly on them, so the thunder and lightning struck at nearly the same time now. And it was loud. Kazuha could, at the very least, brace himself when the blinding light struck down. The thunder’s roar was so violent that it felt like each blow to the ground or sea shook his body.
The sound made it seem much closer than it was. Even when his mind was a mess like this, he could still tell when the lightning struck a tree several miles away. He wasn’t worried about it striking anywhere near him.
He was only worried about how long it would last.
He sat with his knees up to his chest, palms to ears, and eyes tightly shut. His shoulders were getting sore from how tense he was, but he couldn’t relax yet. Not even when an oddly familiar scent trickled into that of the rain and wet soil. His mind might have just been playing tricks on him, after all.
He was certainly not in the best state.
Seconds of calming breathing laced with heart-pounding anxiety turned into minutes. How many minutes? It felt like at least thirty. Maybe more? Probably less. He didn’t really know.
He just wanted it to stop.
At some point, he started feeling tired. Both physically and mentally. His fingers had held his ears so tight that when his tired grip faltered a bit, he could feel some tenderness.
But he also noticed that the downpour had now become a light drizzle. He was almost surprised he hadn’t noticed, but his brain was so fried from the overstimulation that one would think he himself had been struck by lightning.
Kazuha slowly pulled his hands away from his ears. The sounds outside were now tolerable to him. The drizzle was now hardly audible, and the noisy people on the streets were now safely indoors. The thunder, too, seemed to have passed. There was a faint rumbling in the distance, but the lightning no longer took up most of his field of view.
It appears the worst had passed.
Kazuha let out a sigh of relief, “Finally.”
“Thunderstorms still your weakness, Kaedehara?”
Kazuha jumped. His body moved in the opposite direction of the voice, but the realization stilled him. He looked to his right to see a pair of emerald eyes staring back at him knowingly.
Heizou sat beside him with an umbrella at his side, knees to chest, just like Kazuha. Heizou himself appeared to have gotten caught in the rain, as well, but was in a less sorry state than Kazuha.
It made sense now. That familiar scent that tangled itself in that of the downpour. That must have been when Heizou got here. If it was anyone else, Kazuha would have felt some embarrassment having them see him in this state.
But this was Heizou. It certainly wasn’t the first time this had happened in his presence.
“It appears so.” That was all Kazuha could manage to say. He considered something witty, something poetic, but the right words wouldn’t form on his lips.
That was to be expected. He had tired himself out concentrating on not being overcome by overstimulation for so long.
Surely, it had nothing to do with Heizou’s spontaneous appearance and the fluttering in Kazuha’s chest that it caused.
Heizou cautiously scooted a bit closer, “Are you…are you alright?”
Kazuha smiled, “Is that hesitation I hear in your voice, detective?”
Heizou huffed, “Even I experience some levels of uncertainty, you know.”.
“Of course, of course,” Kazuha takes note of the genuine concern in Heizou’s voice. It was fun to tease him every now and then, but now probably wasn’t the best time. He caught Heizou’s gaze with his own, his tone more serious, “I’m quite alright. Just tired, with a bit of a headache.”
Heizou nodded slowly, “The rain has cleared up for the time being. Do you want to walk back to my office?”
Kazuha considered it, but shook his head to decline, “I think I’ll sit here for a while longer. Please, do go get yourself dry, though. I’ll make my way over to you soon.”
“In that case,” Heizou stretched, getting more comfortable, “I hope you don’t mind some company.”
The two talked themselves into the early hours of morning. Kazuha told stories of his adventures around Teyvat with The Crux, while Heizou described the changes Inazuma had undergone since his last departure. Heizou even began going over his most recent case that he had been stuck on, to which Kazuha provided his own invaluable input.
It was like nothing had changed.
It was as though Kazuha had never left, only visiting every few months and disappearing even more quickly. It was as if all the letters he’d written and scrapped to Heizou no longer held as much meaning. It was as if those unspoken words the last time they had seen each other were all but an illusion the two shared.
But there’s only so much time that you can ignore a feeling before it comes to the surface.
“You know, when I saw you dip under this bridge, I almost thought I was imagining things,” Heizou started, staring up at nothing in particular as he lay on his back, “I had no idea The Crux had returned. As you can imagine, seeing you with no warning was quite the surprise.”
“That reminds me,” Kazuha said, “When did you get here? Were you…here for a while before I noticed?”
“Who knows?” Heizou mused, “I almost chased after you before I realized something was wrong. So, I went back to the station to grab an umbrella then came straight here. I figured it might be a bit overwhelming for me to make my presence known once I came here, so I just sat next to you for maybe…a few minutes?”
Kazuha held his knees a little closer to his chest, his now damp hair falling to cascade part of his face. Such vulnerability was seldom seen in Kaedehara Kazuha – not to most, that is. He was a man who wore his heart on his sleeve, almost an open book.
Yet, there were still sides of him reserved for only a select few.
Heizou wondered, now, if he had that right to access to those sensitive parts of Kazuha, parts that he tucked in so deeply that you would never imagine they were even there. Heizou wondered why he thought of this now, while Kazuha sat and stared with his eyes glued to the ground as he thought. Heizou wondered why he didn’t think of this hours ago, perhaps before he even went to the station and came back for Kazuha.
Heizou squirmed nervously in his place beside Kazuha, wondering. Perhaps he should have been less careless. Kazuha, sensitive and overstimulated, was vulnerable from the start. Had Heizou been invading his space? Did he unintentionally trap him here with him in this conversation for hours on end? Oh, he hadn’t even been able to remove those wet clothes. He must be so uncomfortable.
“Thank you.”
Heizou’s eyes which had begun to wander and lose focus snapped back to Kazuha. Smiling and relaxed, Kazuha seemed to be lost in thoughts of his own. Heizou watched him, confused but curious. Those small words of appreciation in that soft, melodious voice.
Oh, Heizou could loop that in his mind for an eternity.
To think two syllables could quell the storm of doubts that plagued Heizou’s mind so effectively.
“Of all the words we’ve exchanged over the years,” Kazuha continued, “I don’t think I’ve ever properly thanked you for everything.”
Heizou can’t help but laugh, “I think our friendship runs deep enough for us to have no need for that kind of thing.”
“Perhaps not,” Kazuha stretches out his legs, releasing the knots of tension from sitting around outside so long, “But even so, I fear I may not have been able to convey quite enough to you.”
Heizou turns on his side to face Kazuha, “If you’re talking about the flowers that come out of your mouth when you speak sometimes, I’ve known you long enough to be able to decipher that.”
Kazuha shakes his head and presses a palm to his forehead, “Heizou, I don’t think I’m getting through to you right now.” Kazuha turns to face Heizou, finally, with some reluctance, “I need to tell you something.”
Heizou eyes Kazuha curiously, a familiar sense of anxiety returning to him at those words. Kazuha didn’t need to be so direct with Heizou; he typically understood what he meant without little to no reiteration. But Kazuha seemed a bit frustrated this time. Or flustered? Heizou wasn’t sure. Regardless, those words usually followed with bad news and Heizou’s body had already started preparing for the worst-case scenario.
He shifted his position to make himself more comfortable, but to no avail. With Kazuha’s eyes focused too intently on him, it wasn’t easy to not squirm.
After a few crushingly painful moments of silence with Kazuha looking at Heizou, then looking away, then back at him again, Kazuha must have decided to give up. His shoulders slumped and a brief sigh escaped his lips before he turned to face Heizou one final time.
“This is harder than I thought,” Kazuha chuckled humourlessly.
Heizou continued to remain silent, unsure if he should encourage Kazuha to try at it again or to just let it go. Once again, he found himself wondering if he could be overstepping.
Heizou quickly looks away from Kazuha’s prodding eyes, his insecurities taking his attention once more. In that moment, an idea popped into Kazuha’s head.
There was something endearing about the way the light of dusk kissed Heizou’s face. Or maybe the way his body twisted to give Kazuha its full attention. It could have even been as simple as how his cheek moulded around his palm, propped up by his elbow.
Whatever the reason, Kazuha was able to find the gesture that conveyed what his words couldn’t. The tips of his fingers lightly brushed against the skin on Heizou’s cheek, which caused Heizou’s breath to catch.
Heizou’s surprise was the only thing that stopped him from leaning into the tenderness of that touch. The warmth that spread throughout his chest as Kazuha’s fingers caressed his skin was foreign to him. Kazuha had never touched him like this, not with so much delicacy and care. His fingers were nearly trembling, as though Heizou would shatter if he applied even the tiniest bit more pressure.
“Kazuha, what are you…?” Heizou’s hand moved to hold onto Kazuha’s, his touch just as light and welcoming. Even though Heizou was confused, he couldn’t help but return the gesture. It felt natural to him. Their hands pressed together, their eyes so soft yet so focused on nothing but the other.
Kazuha moved closer and took a moment to run his thumb over the mole under Heizou’s right eye, mesmerized by how soft his skin was, “I don’t sense any resistance…?”
“Well, n-no…” Heizou stuttered, drowning in the alluring sight that was Kazuha. He felt like he had stopped breathing. If he just looked away, or moved back, his airways would open up again. But Heizou couldn’t. He wanted to float on this feeling forever and put his doubts to rest once and for all.
So, when the words slipped out of his mouth, he was both frustrated and relieved.
Frustrated that his insecurities would ruin such a tender moment, a moment that Heizou and Kazuha – both unbeknownst to one another – had fantasized about for years on end. And relieved because he knew that if he didn’t get an answer from Kazuha, those insecurities would make it so these moments could never happen again.
“It’s just…me? Kazuha, are you sure you want this…with me?”
“Yes, you,” There was no hesitation. In fact, Kazuha was heartbroken that Heizou would even ask such a question. But now, seeing how small and unsure Heizou looked as he fought back tears, Kazuha had regrets.
Not regrets about this moment, but regrets about waiting so long to say something. Kazuha had been in love with Heizou for years but never knew just how to confess, or if it was even appropriate to do so.
But as he looked down at this lifelong friend he had, lips quivering in anticipation, he knew had to make up for all the lost time and make sure Heizou never had to feel this way again.
“Heizou, it’s always been you.” Kazuha leans forward, pressing his forehead against Heizou’s. He brings Heizou up on his knees to face him, cupping the sides of his face in his hands, “All these years I didn’t know how to tell you, but…”
I can show you; he thinks to himself. He doesn’t say the words out loud, but with the way the two’s eyes trail to each other’s lips, he doesn’t have to.
“May I?” He poses the question gently. He knows he’s asking a lot of Heizou, and even though Kazuha can tell the feeling is mutual, he wants to make sure Heizou is ready.
Heizou nods slowly. The surrealness of the moment urges him to follow through. He’s wanted this for so, so long. Hearing Kazuha say those words to him swept away almost all of the remaining doubt he had. The rest of it could be thought about another day.
All that mattered now was Kazuha’s lips against his own. The initial impact was a bit awkward, but it took only a few seconds for Heizou to process that this was real, and subsequently become undone. He threw his arms over Kazuha’s shoulders, deepening the kiss and pressing his body closer and closer.
He didn’t want to let him go. Not now. Not ever again.
He wanted to tell Kazuha just how much he meant to him. How much he loved him. How much he had always loved him. He wanted to hold him deep within his heart so that nothing could ever come between them again, not even themselves.
But there were no words for this occasion. Heizou placed himself on Kazuha’s lap, wrapping his legs around his waist and holding him tighter. If words eluded him now, he hoped that his body would speak for him. He hoped that the years of unspoken words between the two of them flowed clearly through his touch alone.
He hoped, and Kazuha heard.