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The beautiful melody played by the phonograph in the parlor car room gave the quiet car a melancholic atmosphere. Dan Heng stood on the door, his eyes watching the two figures currently sitting next to each other.
The oldest one among them noticed his presence, looking up from his newspaper to look at him. Vigilant as ever, despite his laid back appearance. His glasses slid down his nose, which he easily fixed with his fingers.
“Dan Heng? Why are you standing there?” his voice was as gentle as ever. Safety was the first thing Dan Heng always felt whenever the man's presence was near. Experience had tempered him to be kind to those he held dear, and ruthless towards their enemies. The fortress which would never fall as long as there were people behind him.
Hearing his words, the other one sitting on the sofa also looked at him. He saw how her beautiful red hair slipped on her shoulder, her presence as warm as a fireplace in winter.
She smiled at him, reassuring and comforting. She was the one who gave him a gentle push on his back whenever he’s stuck. A candlelight within the darkness, guiding him to the path he had chosen.
“What’s wrong, Dan Heng?” she called his name like he’s a precious one. He wondered if that was how a mother would call their children.
“Do you need our help?” Welt said it not with judgement or maliciously pointing out his incapability. He said it with badly hidden excitement, as if he’s happy with the thought that Dan Heng ask for their assistance. Always ready to help, like a father.
“You can talk to us, we don’t mind.” Himeko's smile and tone was as inviting as ever. Like no matter what kind of things he had done, she would still accepted him as one of her own and still guided him forward.
“No, nothing.” Dan Heng shook his head. Not to hide his problem, but he genuinely didn’t need any help right now. He's just…looking at both of them. Matching their figures in his memory with the ones he saw and finding new details that he had overlooked before.
“Just…trying to remember it all.”
Welt and Himeko looked at each other, having silent conversations with just a glance between their eyes. Then the two of them looked at him again.
“Alright, but come to us when you need assistance. It doesn’t matter even if it’s just a small problem.” Himeko nodded at him, returning back to her cup of coffee. Welt also returned his eyes to the newspaper in his hands.
Yet, it didn’t feel like a dismissal. He could hear the silent invitation to join them in the parlor car.
Dan Heng took a step, and-
“Dan Heng! Don’t block the door, I can’t go through!”
Hiding the twitch on the corner of his lips, the spearman stepped aside. The cheerful footsteps he had heard from a few moments ago continued now he’s no longer blocking the way. A young woman stepped inside the parlor car, camera in her hands never forgotten just like her bright smile.
“We're going to warp soon, right? I'm fully prepared! Let’s goooooo! New world to visit and tons of scenery to take pictures of!” March cheered, walking to Himeko with a bounce on her steps.
“March, do you forget that now it’s Himeko's turn to go with Caelus and me?” Dan Heng teased, trying his best to keep a poker face when she looked at him in shock and horrified look. “You already went with Caelus and Mr. Yang on the previous planet.”
“Nooooooo!!” March immediately tackled Himeko in a hug. Himeko didn't even look surprised, already putting down her coffee cup on the table. “I don’t want to watch over the train with Pom-Pom and Mr. Yang! I can’t stand Mr. Yang's cringe dad jokes and Pom-Pom always asks me to explain!”
Welt pretended to cough. “Well, you don’t have to stand when you’re listening to my jokes. You can always sit down.”
“See!?” March pointed at Welt who just smiled contently.
“What? You guys are bullying March? Don’t bully March! Not without me!”
“Not you too, Caelus!”
Warmth spread inside his chest, love filling his lungs and bones. The way his heart beat just a bit faster as he felt arms wrapped around his waist tightly. He heard a soft laughter as Caelus put his chin on his shoulder, still teasing March as he made himself comfortable clinging to Dan Heng. Caelus’ hair tickled his neck and cheek, their short hair mixing with each other. Black and gray intertwined.
“Caelus, switch turn with me! I will buy you ten Immortal Delights the next time we visit Luofu!”
Caelus pouted. “And miss my chance to have a date with Dan Heng? No!”
Himeko sighed, although she’s smiling with a twinkle in her eyes. “Oh, is this my turn now to be the third wheel?” she picked up her coffee cup again, sipping the black thick liquid that would kill anyone else but herself.
Welt hid his laugh behind a cough. “Now you will taste my suffering when I was the one who had to chaperone those two on our previous expedition.”
March glared at both Welt and Himeko. “You guys only experienced it once! I've been the third wheel ever since Jarilo-VI!”
Caelus blushed. “We aren’t even dating yet when we’re in Belobog!”
“Hellooooo!? The tension between the two of you was so blatant that even Seele asked me why the two of you said you weren’t dating!”
With everyone’s attention on the two bickering adults, Dan Heng didn’t hide his smile. But it seemed that Caelus noticed, because he felt Caelus’ hand seeking his and latched onto his own. Dan Heng held Caelus’ hand back, their hands fitted onto each other perfectly.
When March was begging Himeko again, Dan Heng used that window of opportunity to bring Caelus’ hand to his lips and kissed the back of his hand tenderly. His eyes caught the soft redness on his beloved's cheek and he couldn’t hold back the temptation to peck the crimson apple of his eye. Caelus whined, blocking Dan Heng's lips with his hand to prevent him from going for a second kiss.
“Hello!? Some of us are single here!?” March threw her shoe at them. Dan Heng caught it easily and gave her shoe to Caelus, who proceed to blitz away from Dan Heng with the shoe as a hostage. “Hey return my shoe!”
“Your fault for throwing that! Now it’s mine!”
The parlor car's peaceful mood was soon brightened with laughter and shouting. Even Dan Heng let a small laugh slipped past his lips, watching everything from his spot near the door of the car.
It's just their daily lives. Maybe the Garden of Recollection would think the memories from these moments as worthless, but for Dan Heng, it’s these everyday scenery, everyday conversation, and everyday moments that he held dear the most. It's the time when everyone he held dear were smiling without worry. When everyone gathered together in one place, safe.
When everyone stayed by his side.
He heard Pom-Pom footsteps and he looked at the small conductor who seriously announced, although Dan Heng could see the way they tail twitched in excitement. “Passengers, your attention please! We're going to warp in five minutes!” then Pom-Pom patted Dan Heng's leg in greeting before they returned back out of the parlor car.
Himeko put down her coffee cup. “Oh, we should prepare.”
Welt also put down his newspaper. “Dan Heng, I'm going to need to browse the archive for joke book please. Maybe I can find one that won’t make March suffers as she waits.”
Caelus opened the parlor car door and flung March's shoe as far as possible to the next car. March screeched. “Caelus! You dummy!” and she ran out of the parlor car, followed by the still giggling Himeko and sighing Welt. The door closed behind them, their voices muffled by it.
Dan Heng turned his body around, his hand reaching out for the door. However, just as his hand was about to touch the door, another hand stopped him.
He looked back to see Caelus, standing behind him with a serious face.
“Don’t.” that one word somehow dimmed down the bright and cheerful atmosphere to a somber one. The music playing from the phonograph stopped, even though it had never been turned off even once.
Within the silence, Dan Heng's heart started to quicken. His blood rushing away from his head, leaving him pale. The corner of his lips twitched up to form a smile, albeit his lips trembled. His hands caught Caelus', patting the back of his hand as if he’s reassuring Caelus.
Even though it was his hands which were shaking.
“Caelus? What are you talking about?”
Hearing his response, Caelus showed him a sad smile. He hated himself for being the cause of Caelus’ somber mood, but-
But he just didn’t want to hear it.
“You know the reason.” Caelus' hands hold his own shaking one. His warmth was like a balm on his broken heart, holding back the jagged pieces tenderly.
“I don’t. I don’t, so-“
So please, let me stay in this dream.
“You knew, Dan Heng.”
No, you couldn’t stay.
“I don’t want to know.” Dan Heng took in a shaky breath, but the pain in his chest refused to abate. Instead it grew, like a hungry monster that gnawed on his flesh from the inside, leaving behind only emptiness. Dan Heng feared that encompassing void more than any ferocious monsters.
“Your truth isn’t here.” Caelus shook his head, the grip on his hands tightened until it’s painful. But the pain anchored him, forcing him to listen to Caelus.
Dan Heng laughed bitterly. “I don’t want to return. I want to stay here, where everyone are.”
“They aren’t here, you know that. All that you saw here are just illusions.”
“I know!” Dan Heng growled, his eyes glowed for a second. An image of long flowing hair and a pair of jade horns appeared for a moment before Dan Heng sealed it all back inside him. “But even illusions are better than nothing!”
Dan Heng screamed out his frustration. The solitude caused by hundreds of years of chasing after a miracle that didn’t exist.
His loneliness.
His despair.
His longing.
He felt like he was drowning, his lungs refusing to breathe. Even just screaming out his feelings already took a lot of his power.
He's exhausted.
His resolve crumbling not from the sharp steel nor harmful magic. It crumbled underneath the warmth and heavy memories he carried on his heart.
Silence filled the dark parlor car. The pitch black darkness of his heart couldn’t be pierced through by his draconic eyes. Gone were the laughter and the wamth that Dan Heng yearned for, replaced by the cold and harsh truth. He's trapped within the darkness alone, with nobody to hold his hand or guiding him to where he should go.
“Then, are you going to forsake him?”
Dan Heng flinched, looking at Caelus. Even within the darkness, Dan Heng could see the aquamarine glow of Caelus’ eyes.
Wait, no-
“You’re not Caelus.” Dan Heng whispered out with bated breath, watching as the figure of Caelus in front of him warped and distorted.
Azure scales replaced human skins. Long sleek body as fluid as water itself. A crown of antlers above it's head. Red lines below it’s eyes. A huge azure dragon floated before him, barely fitting inside the parlor car. It’s body riddled with scars, old and new, but it’s eyes were as bright as sunlight itself.
It's not Dan Feng. It’s not Yubie.
It’s not his past selves.
It's himself.
“I am your vow.” the dragon spoke in his mind, it’s voice echoing loudly until it’s the only thing Dan Heng could hear. Tearing apart the dooming silence. “I am your resolve, tempered by pain for hundreds of years taken form. I am the promise you etched into your own dragon's heart, never forsaken just as how you carry your bride's vessel in your journey among the stars.”
“My bride, you are my sky. Just like how the moon never leaving the sky even in daylight, I will never leave you.”
Echoes of his own voice, as he repeated that vow over and over in front of his bride whose eyes closed in eternal sleep.
“I am the Permanence you believe in.”
The tightness within his heart ached until his legs swayed. He collapsed on his knees, his eyes unable to look at the dragon in shame. Cloud Piercer appeared in his hand, the heavy weight of the weapon brought the only familiarity in his already distraught mind.
“As your vow, I will never let you stay here. But if you had already decided to forsake me,” to forsake your bride to his eternal sleep wasn’t spoken, but Dan Heng was already aware of the unspoken accusations. “then pierce me through with that weapon.”
Dan Heng looked at his spear. The weapon offered no answer, cold and rigid in his hand. This was the choice that only he could take, just like all those years ago when he decided to board the Astral Express. Just like when he decided to stay with the Astral Express.
Dan Heng gripped his weapon and slowly rose to his feet, his body felt as heavy as mountains. Shackles of hundreds of years of suffering weighed him down. It's too much. How could he face another hundreds of years alone?
“Dan Heng.” Himeko’s voice whispered in his mind, reassurance in her voice. The memory of her warm hug as she welcomed him back to the Astral Express replayed in his mind, kindling warmth back to his cold body and breaking the chains on his back.
“Dan Heng.” Welt's voice whispered next, accepting and calming. Just like the day when they met again in Luofu , the elder accepting his true form with a smile. He brought strength to his trembling limbs, breaking apart the chains on his legs.
“Dan Heng!” the cheerful voice of March shouted loudly, his obnoxious but also precious little sister. The memory of her cold hand in his as she easily took his hand when many eyes looked at him with contempt and distraught. She woke up the conviction that he had thought he lost. The chains on his arms crumbled, and he could feel March giving his shoulder a proud pat.
Shaking off the heavy chains, he finally could breathe. Dan Heng stood firm and tall before the dragon. His vow, his resolve taken form. He raised up the Cloud Piercer, the tip aiming at the dragon who awaited his decision.
“Dan Heng.”
His beloved's voice, soft and tender with love. Many memories went through his mind, each one precious and unforgettable. A dragon’s most precious treasure, without shape nor form. Not worth anything, yet the most important.
Memories of their first meeting, all those years ago in the Herta Space Station. Their battles together. The comfortable silence they shared as they spend time together in the archive room. The day when he confessed to Caelus. Their first kiss. Many of their firsts. Their wedding day. Their live together as spouses. Their separation.
Happiness and sorrow went hand in hand, they said. But to Dan Heng, even the sorrow he experienced with Caelus were irreplaceable memories.
A ghost of memory. The warmth that he couldn’t forget. A pair of hands held his own, supporting the heavy weight of his weapon.
“Dan Heng, I promise to love you until the end. Even if someday I can no longer hold your hand and walk with you, know that my love will always stay with you.”
His bride's wedding vow. He had spoke of his countless of times in these years, but he hadn't rewound his bride's vow to his in his misery. Caelus' promise to him, his promise that Dan Heng would always have his love.
The chains on his heart breaking away, freeing the tormented dragon.
“Life and death, deceit and truth, a moment between thoughts…”
The dragon growled, it’s muscles tensing up. Like a serpent about to strike. Drops of water pulled from the air, falling like heavy rain that soon were flooding the parlor car's floor. The deluge raised, creating a rushing torrent that gathered around the other dragon's human body.
“Awaken, dormant scales.”
A pair of jade antlers sprouted from his head. Long black hair flowing behind his back. Ivory and jade robes replaced his clothes.
Dan Heng opened his eyes, the steel blue now changed into glowing jade eyes.
He sprung up, floating in the air with elegance of a dragon returning to heaven. Cloud Piercer made an arc in the air, as Dan Heng changed the aim of his weapon to the parlor car itself. His eyes glowed with resolve, the veil of hesitation and illusion finally torn away from his eyes.
“Delve-hidden moon, azure dragon. Cleanse this false sanctuary.” The azure dragon roared and charged forward at the illusion. “Break apart this long dream!”
His resolve destroyed the illusion, created by the longing of his own heart. The train of dreams shattered into dust, leaving it's only passenger behind in reality.
Dan Heng woke up.
Jade eyes opened, the awakened Vidyadhara quickly rose up. His eyes, already alert, looked around him. Dark green space, filled with rocks shaped like tree roots from the dark ceiling. He's laying down on a sigil carved from light, floating within the endless turquoise space. Next to him was Caelus, lying down in his eternal sleep. He found out that their hands were holding onto each other. Caelus’ hand and his were warm from their shared body heat. Dan Heng brought Caelus’ hand to his lips, kissing the back of his hand slowly and full of all his love.
“I'm sorry, I almost forgot about you in my own selfishness…” he whispered his apology, his hold around Caelus’ hand tightened in his regret. “I will never leave you, Caelus.”
His bride didn’t reply, but Dan Heng was used to it. With gentleness unimaginable if one was to see him tearing apart his own dream, Dan Heng's hand slipped behind Caelus’ nape and raised him up. He positioned Caelus to lean on his shoulder and was about to carry him back in his arms when he heard footsteps.
“You awaken through your own resolve. Impressive.”
Cloud Piercer appeared in his hand in a flash of blue light. The sharp tip aimed at the newcomer, who didn’t react at all seeing the hostility. Long straight red hair, white long sleeved clothes and a black cloak around their neck and shoulder.
The Emanator of Fuli.
“As promised, you win the bet.” The Emanator spoke. His voice cold, but there’s a hint of respect in it. “The Garden of Recollection's record can be accessed by you.”
Dan Heng growled. He knew he was the one who took the bet, but it didn’t lessen the way his mind was violated to create those illusions. His tail smacked the ground in annoyance, but he lowered his weapon.
“I just need one thing.”
“The record of a core capable of replacing Stellaron.” The man took out his sword that was sheathed on his lower back. “There’s a few, but none of them will be easy to get.”
He pierced that sword to the ground and turned it, just like a key. Another sigil appeared under the sword, a void opened and tendrils of orange light pouring out from the opening.
“Take these record, they are the answer that you seek.” Then, with a much more humane voice, he whispered. “May you get back what you've lost.”
Dan Heng braced himself as those lights surrounded him and entered into his mind. He winced, feeling the way his mind was opened forcefully and new knowledge was stuffed inside. It’s almost similar to unlocking new memories from his past lives.
Dan Heng endured the uncanny feeling, hugging Caelus’ body in his arms tightly.
He’s finally found a clue, after hundreds of years searching.
He felt the weight of the wishes from everyone from Astral Express who had passed.
He would wake Caelus up.
Even if he had to spend another hundreds of years for it.