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Ever since her father had fallen ill when she was a teen- Kai’sa had spent days, if not weeks imagining what her life would be like without the man at her side. So much of who she was and what she did had a tie to the man who was her entire family. Since her mom passed, it had always been Kai’sa and Kassadin against the world. The pair had faced countless struggles alongside one another; but, they always knew they would be able to overcome anything thrown at them as long as they stuck together.
This way of thinking and dealing with situations while growing up had always kept Kai’sa going. If there was something she felt she couldn’t or didn’t want to do- then she would do it for her dad.
But now; at the age of 24, Kai’sa was forced to face life without her father.
No amount of pre-planning or thinking of how things would be like without him could have actually prepared the girl for the pain, loneliness and confusion she would be left in once he passed.
The day Kassasin died had started out like any normal day. Christmas was right around the corner and snow had fallen late this year. When Kai’sa awoke in the morning it was the first time that year that the ground had been covered in a layer of snow so thick she couldn’t see the tips of the grass poking up from beneath it.
Thick, dark gray clouds hung low in the sky while fat, slow falling snowflakes fluttered downwards; blanketing everything around them in a layer of pure white.
It had been almost a year and a half since Kai’sa had joined K/DA. Since the summer of the previous year; the dancer’s daily and long term life had switched. No longer were her days filled from start to finish with back to back work shifts and house maintenance; but instead we’re replaced with dance and singing practice, interviews both virtually and in person, consistent filming for music videos and pre-planning the groups next steps. Tours across the country we’re becoming the increasing center of conversation. The girls had debut concerts and performances- and with the ever growing demand for more; a tour felt like the next step.
Kai’sa was reluctant though. In all honesty, it was the dancer who was holding back the final decision on agreeing to such a task. The dreamer was scared to leave their state.
As the seasons changed and grew colder; her father’s health had grown weaker and more unpredictable. It had gotten to the point where Kai’sa was visiting him almost daily. It was difficult to find the time to go into the city; especially around her busy and demanding schedule- but she always made it.
Back in the fall, Kassadin had celebrated his 60th birthday and Kai’sa couldn’t have been happier. Ever since Kai’sa was a teen- she never had thought her dad would make it to such a milestone. But, the man had and the day had been spent mainly between the two of them.
Akali, Evelyn and Ahri had rode into the city with Kai’sa that day in order to see Kassadin and wish the man a happy birthday. Kass knew about his daughter’s relationships with all three women; and despite his initial confusion- the man had grown to love each of the girls individually. It was clear to Kassadin what each of the other girls provided and brought out in his daughter. It had been years since he had seen Kai’sa so happy, and he knew it was because of these three he got to see her in such a state once more.
Over the year or so Kassadin had learned more about the girls; he found out that each woman had an absence of a positive male figure in their lives. Now, Kassadin was a firm believer that not everyone needed one- but, it was clear to him that it was something all three women lacked. Each of them filled a different place in his heart for different reasons. To Akali, he was like a father, to Evelyn a friend and to Ahri a mentor.
Akali had reminded Kai’sa how to have fun. Kassadin quite liked the small girl. She was bubbly and full of energy. Her lack of a verbal filter always made for interesting conversations and moments. Out of the three- it was Akali who always made Kassadin laugh the most.
When Kai’sa’s birthday had rolled around- Akali had come to him for help picking out a gift for his daughter. At first, the interaction had been somewhat awkward as the pair had never met or talked without the dancer present; but, as Akali sat at the chair beside the man’s bed- conversation flowed easily between them. They discussed different gift options, but eventually their conversation devolved into topics about their own likes and hobbies. It was at this meeting that Kassadin had found his new ‘horror movie buddy’. Kai’sa had never been a fan of the jump scares or the gore. If his daughter were to sit and watch any sort of horror movie with him the film always had to be psychological. Kassadin had always had a love for the classics- and when speaking with Akali, he found the young girl to have the same.
This led to bi-weekly horror movie nights where Akali would come and visit the man with her laptop. The pair would sit on Kassadin’s hospital bed while eating popcorn that Akali would pick a random seasoning for each time. Some were hits; like Dill Pickle and White Cheddar while others were complete misses like Barbeque Chicken and Homemade Chili.
Akali was easy to talk to and Kassadin always appreciated when the young girl would spiral down into sessions where she would go on and on about his daughter. He could see the love the small rogue had for Kai’sa. Just as this girl had brought a light into his daughter’s life- she had done the same for him.
His first meeting with Evelyn had been different from the other two. The siren had actually shown up at his hospital room independently before Kai’sa had brought the group of them in for proper introductions.
The silver haired woman had entered his hospital room while he was reading his book. Her presence in the space had caught the man’s attention before he actually caught sight of her. The aura that followed Evelyn around was a commanding one. One that drew eyes to her for a multitude of reasons. Upon seeing her for the first time- Kassadin knew who she was. Kai’sa had spoken about an ‘Evelyn’ before. A mature woman with a confident nature to her. A woman who possessed wisdom far beyond herself and a cold exterior that when broken, was the most rewarding thing Kai’sa had experienced.
The woman introduced herself; confirming Kassadin’s thoughts and immediately the two dissolved into a conversation. Originally, it had started out about Kai’sa. Evelyn spoke highly of his daughter. They discussed more formal topics like Kai’sa’s addition to the band and her strengths she brought- but eventually the conversation shifted to things more personal that they loved about Kai’sa. Their discussion had veered towards the topic of his daughter’s skill for cooking. Just like Kassadin himself- Evelyn was someone who liked to enjoy her food. She liked her meals well seasoned, cooked correctly and most importantly- with passion. The siren explained to the man in the hospital bed the type of kitchen they had in their home. It had everything Kai’sa had ever dreamed of having access to. Up-to-date appliances, a wide variety of knives and other cooking utensils, ovens with special settings and whatever ingredients the dancer asked for.
Kassadin chuckled. He spoke of how Kai’sa had always loved cooking. It was something the two of them had done together throughout his daughter’s lifetime. Their kitchen had always been small- but Kai’sa never seemed to mind. When she was old enough- she began doing their grocery shops and when it came to the point in Kassadin’s life where standing for long periods of time was too difficult- Kai’sa would always insist on bringing the cutting boards and such to the table where he could help her to prepare the meals. Breakfast, lunches and dinners were always moments the two shared where they could talk about their days and simply enjoy one another's company. Evelyn spoke of how mealtimes had changed since Kai’sa joined their family. She chuckled softly when explaining that the dancer had been insistent on the four of them sitting down at their table for dinner at least; managing to pull even Ahri from her office in the evening. Eve had appreciated it. She told Kassadin just how much the beautiful girl had managed to turn their house into a home just by her presence. This confession had caused Kassadin’s heart to swell. He knew just how special Kai’sa was; and that night, the man found himself in tears upon the realization that he was no longer the only one to see so.
When Kassadin had met Ahri for the first time he immediately understood why Kai’sa looked up to the blonde so much. The way the Gumiho carried herself was unlike Akali’s youthful optimism or Evelyn’s superior confidence. The lead singer to his daughters group instead walked with a grace and intelligence that Kassadin had never seen before in a woman her age. When Ahri spoke, her words were always soft in tone, but never quiet. Her voice commanded attention in a way that it didn’t make you feel like you had to listen, but instead that there was nothing else you would rather hear.
The way she looked at Kassadin in the hospital bed had not been one of pity nor sadness. She did not see him as the shell of a man he once was- one whose body had deteriorated to only a small part of his true self but instead as a man who had seen much hardship in his lifetime and who never let the setbacks affect him forever. When Ahri took a seat at the side of his bed it had been after their original meeting where Kai’sa had introduced him to all three of her partners. The blonde had stated she wished she could have come sooner to meet him- but she had wanted to respect Kai’sa wishes and allow the dancer to introduce them as a group. The consideration the Gumiho had for his daughter had made him smile. It meant the world to him to know that Kai’sa was being cared for so well.
Eventually, like the previous conversations with the others- Kassadin and Ahri’s conversations eventually wavered from the main topic of Kai’sa and her role- but instead began to head in a direction of work in general. Ahri explained that she was the group's leader and thus a lot of the professional end of the group fell on her. She insisted the other three girls always lended a hand when she needed it- but Ahri was usually insistent on completing tasks individually in hopes of shouldering a lot of the stress and weight from the others. The blonde felt a sense of protection for her partners. Sometimes it came out like Evelyn’s protectiveness- furious, earth shattering and memorable- but more often than not it was impactful, quiet and dealt with discreetly. Ahri never wanted much of the drama and stress to fall on her girls- so she often dealt with it herself.
The more she spoke- the more Kassadin began to see himself in the young woman. He spoke of a time in his life where he too had denied much help from others. When his wife had passed- many people tried to step in. Distant family, friends, and many others. Some people had tried to step in out of genuine worry for them, but for others- it seemed like they just wanted to make their life harder. There was a time where someone had called social services on him. It had been only a few months since the passing of his wife and the alert had come from a concerned individual on weather Kai’sa was receiving the care she required or not. Kai’sa was still under the age of 10 and Kassadin had been forced to work longer shifts and more days in order to pay for the funeral expenses and just life in general. Because of this- Kai’sa was left to stay home often on her own. Kassadin had hated doing it- but Kai’sa always reassured him she was okay. She had always been incredibly mature for her age and despite his worry, his daughter always soothed his anxiety. After a long battle that stretched over many months; Kassadin had been able to keep custody of his daughter. It was a stressful time; but everyone involved in the case knew how much he and Kai’sa needed one another.
He spoke to Ahri gently and with patience. Many times in his life had he confided in others; only for them to make him feel belittled or incompetent. He wanted the Gumiho to know that he saw how much work she was putting in and just how good of a job she was doing despite her self doubts.
Tears had sprung to Ahri’s eyes. Finally had she found someone she could trust to confide in without the worry of putting too much on their shoulders. From that day on, Kassadin and Ahri developed a relationship that was one of friends, but also as a mentor. Ahri would call him on occasion and ask his opinion on things both work and life related. He always enjoyed their conversations. It felt nice to be looked up to by another.
The air was cold outside and despite it only being the early hours of the afternoon- the sky was dark and the clouds felt so close to the tops of their heads that Kai’sa felt she could reach up and brush the tips of her fingers along the bottom.
The funeral was a small gathering. Many of Kai’sa and Kassadin’s family were gone either in life or their whereabouts were unknown. Because the snow had fallen so late- the ground had been soft enough still for a burial. The odd speck of dirt has fallen down the sides of the tarp that was around the large hole in the ground. Kassadin’s casket rests at the top, the dark wooden box supported by a few intersecting beams. It would be lowered into the ground following the ceremony.
At Kai’sa’s side stood Ahri- their hands laced together through woven gloves. On her other side was Akali. The rouge’s nose was dripping slightly and her eyes were round and red from crying. Evelyn stood on the smaller girl’s right. Her head was lowered slightly and it was hard to make out the siren’s emotion because of the dark tinted sunglasses she wore over her eyes. Kai’sa could see the slight shake of her shoulders though as the officiant spoke with another individual from the funeral home.
The only other faces around the small gathering consisted of Soraka; her father’s nurse who had become more a friend to him and Kai’sa over the years of them working together, Diana and Leona- the only people from her mother’s side of the family who had bothered to stay in their lives after her passing, and Zilean- her and her father’s neighbor from the house she had grown up in.
As the officiant cleared his voice, Kai’sa felt Ahri’s hand tighten in her own. The balding man spoke through the settled silence. The only noise prior to his words had been the soft hollowing of the wind around them in the old cemetery.
The dancer couldn’t make out exactly what the man said. She heard bits and pieces about her father being a good man who had suffered and fought his disease for many, many years. The words pooled together in Kai’sa head- the sounds muffled by a rising ringing in her ears and a silent sob choking it’s way up her throat.
She hadn’t cried yet. When she arrived at the hospital in the morning to have breakfast with her dad she knew something was different. Kassadin had been laying in the bed, his head turned to look out at the falling snow through the window. There was a glaze to the man's eyes that Kai’sa was unfamiliar with. When he didn’t acknowledge her presence in the room immediately- Kai’sa knew what was happening.
Shuffling inside quietly- Kai’sa took a seat at her fathers side in the chair she sat in on a daily basis. As she reached for her father’s hand, she could already feel the slight cooling in his skin. His eyes turned to face her- lavender meeting lavender as a weak smile tugged at the corner of his lips. For a moment, Kai’sa was able to catch a glimpse of recognition in her father’s gaze as they stared at one another before Kassasin’s lips parted in a soft, whispered ‘I love you.’ And with that, the man she loved more than anything in the entire world allowed for his eyes to fall shut and a final breath to slip from his lips.
Kai’sa had sat at her dad’s bedside for a while- their hands entwined as he grew colder and colder with every passing minute. Kassadin had held on until she made it. Part of her believed he was gone before coming back to say goodbye. Her heart shattered into a countless number of pieces. Tears stung the back of her eyes but refused to fall. Losing her dad hurt more than she could ever have imagined- but there was a part in the back of her head that reminded her that no longer was the man she loved in pain- and instead was now with her mom, embracing one another for the first time in years. It was then that she finally managed to work up the strength to leave for a moment and find a nurse or doctor to relay the news. Kassadin had her mom, she would keep him safe now.
“And now he will continue with the next journey alongside his wife; Khalika. May the two be reunited and enjoy their eternity together.” He murmurs softly, his tone low but gentle.
Kai’sa watches silently as the man's brown gaze flickers over to her. He gives her a small nod, motioning for her to step forward. Ahri squeezes her hand gently in response as Kai’sa’s fingers slip from her’s. The few eyes of those around her feel heavier than anything she has ever experienced. It felt like more attention was on her then even when she performed for the first time alongside K/DA on a main stage.
Her words stick in her throat. In her pocket, the dancer clutches tightly to a small note of paper she had managed to write a few days prior. It was the last goodbye she had for her father. It was what she had prepared to read- but at that moment, the words didn’t feel right to share with anyone else other than her dad. So instead, Kai’sa breathes a soft sigh; her breath pooling in a cloud of white in front of her. “There is a lot I could say right now.” She begins, her voice barely over a whisper- but the cemetery is silent and in the moment, the wind seems to die down enough to provide Kai’sa the space to speak softly and be heard by those around her. “But we all knew my father. He was a good man. A hardworking man who always did his best for anyone he met. He was my best friend. My rock. My mentor and my just- the best father I could have had. He wasn’t perfect- no one is, but he always tried his best to give me the life he felt he deserved and I will forever be grateful for the years I spent alongside him.”
Forcing her eyes up from the casket- Kai’sa gazes out at the others. Her eyes flicker back to look at her girlfriends. Akali has ducked into Ahri's side and the pair seem to be crying softly as Eve steps closer, pressing her side into Akali. She offers the dancer a small nod of encouragement.
Kai’sa looks back to the others- her gaze flickering to look at the remaining 4 individuals who came out to the funeral for her and her dad. “Thank you all for being here today. Dad would really appreciate knowing you all willingly stood out in the cold for him.”
A soft murmur of chuckles ripple through the small gathering, and with that, the ceremony ends. The officiant nods to Kai’sa before taking his leave with his co-worker. They had already discussed the details. As soon as everyone filed out, the workers would lower her dad into the soil below.
Diana and Leona take a step towards her. After silently asking permission, Leona engulfed the Kai’sa in a gentle hug while Diana offers her a comforting pat on her back. The redhead had always been the more affectionate of the two. Diana- her mom’s best friend from childhood- who had always been in Kai’sa’s life as more of an aunt- smile’s at her sadly. “You know if you need us, we’re always just a phone call away.” The white haired woman speaks softly as her hand trails from Kai’sa back to hold in her own.
Gently, Leona pulls away. Large tears have swollen in the corners of her eyes but she appears to be holding them back for Kai’sa’s sake. “Please do call us and make sure to give us a ring at Christmas.” She nods as her hands gently pull from the younger girl’s shoulders. Leona’s gaze then flickers over Kai’sa’s shoulders to look at her girls who are waiting quietly. “It’s good to know you won’t be alone for the holidays.” The Solari smiles softly as she offers her arm to her wife. Diana looks at it briefly before looking back to Kai’sa. Gently, the woman releases her hand before moving to cup Kai’sa cheek gently. She cradles her palm against the red flushed skin of her cheek from the cold. “You look so much like your mother.” She whispers softly as she reaches onto her tippy toes to press a gentle kiss to the dancer’s forehead. “Both her and Kassadin would be so proud of you.” She whispers softly as she pulls back.
For years- Diana was the closest thing Kai’sa had to a mother after her own death. Diana had been there to help her through so many things- especially ones that threw her father for a loop like periods and dating. “Thank you Di.” Kai’sa sighs softly as she swallows thickly, forcing a sob once more down her throat.
The two women nod before turning and making the way back to their car. Kai’sa watches them go before she feels a warm, familiar presence at her side. Turning, the dancer looks down to see Soraka. The woman was beautiful despite her older age. She always looked younger than Kai’sa assumed. She offers the dancer a gentle hug and warm wishes before reminding Kai’sa that she too is always just a phone call away before making her exit.
Kai’sa then turns to look at Zilean- but the man seems to be standing beside her father’s casket, talking softly to it.
Not wanting to disturb him- Kai’sa instead heads back to the girls who offer her hugs and gentle, careful kisses. “You guys would head back to the house. I think I’m going to spend a little longer here with mom and dad.”
The girls look anxiously at one another. Ahri is shivering- clearly unused to the cold, and Akali’s nose is bright red and still running. Eventually it’s Evelyn who speaks. “Ahri and Akali can head back to the house so their noses don’t fall off. I’ll wait in the truck for you Kai. I don’t think you should drive today given everything that’s happened. Take all the time you need darling- I’m in no rush.”
None of the girls- Kai’sa included- seem up to arguing; so with a few parting hugs, the group turn and depart their separate ways.
When Kai’sa turns back to look at Zilean the man seems to be reaching into the deep pocket of his worn out jacket. From within, he retrieves a white can from within. Immediately Kai’sa recognizes it as the beer he and Kassadin would typically share out on Zilean’s front porch throughout the year. It was never uncommon prior to Kassadin falling ill for the pair to share one in the evening as the sun set. The two men were practically best friends. They met together in their work field and had grown even closer when Zilean and his husband had moved next door.
When Zilean’s husband died a few years after Kai’sa’s mother, the pair of men had grown closer as friends- often relying on one another to help themselves out of the low periods in time. Kai’sa always appreciated the elderly man’s friendship with her dad.
Kai’sa watches silently as the elderly man struggles to open the can with shaky hands. His back is hunched and the top of his balding head is red from the cold. As the beer opens with a hiss, the dancer can’t help but smile sadly as she watches Zilean take a long sip- probably consuming at least half of the can- before turning and pouring out the rest on the open side of the grave. The yellow tinted liquid splashes down into the snow, staining the area as it seeps down into the ground.
It’s only when Zilean speaks- his words broken in grief- that Kai’sa realizes she was staring.
“He never managed to make it over for that drink.” He says slowly as he pushes the can back into his pocket. “I thought it was best we had one final drink before he’s laid to rest.”
Kai’sa takes a step forward to stand beside the man. Over the years it always seemed like while Kai’sa grew taller, Zilean always grew a little shorter.
The man's eyes are glued down towards the coloured snow. Kai’sa can see a glaze shining in them. Gently, the woman reaches out to wrap her arm around his shoulders, pulling the elderly man into a gentle side hug. Zilean allows her to do so, his weight settling in at her side as he leans on her for support. “Kass was a good man.” He croaks, a single tear slips from his eye as he reaches out to pat the top of the casket gently. “I hope he doesn’t win all of Bruce’s bets in poker like he used to.” He chuckles as his hand settles to rest open palmed against the polished wood.
Kai’sa can’t help but chuckle. Poker nights between Kassadin, Zilean, his husband Bruce and their mutual friend Azir- who had also passed away- were common. Kassadin always won. “Maybe dad will let him win a few now.” The dancer offers lightly, which ears a throaty chuckle from the man at her side.
A content silence settles between the two for a while. Eventually though, Zilean leans his weight off of Kai’sa. The small man looks up to the girl with a gentle smile. “When the time comes- pour a drink out for me from your father okay? He owes me one now.”
Kai’sa smiles sadly, but nods. “Of course.”
Zilean nods to her then looks back to Kassadin’s casket once more. “Sleep well bud. You deserve a peaceful rest after everything.” And with that, the elderly man begins to hobble towards his car where his son in law seems to be waiting for him- the car engine causing small clouds of exhaust to rise into the sky.
As the car pulls off- Kai’sa finally finds herself alone in front of the graves to both her parents. There was pretty much no one around her except for Eve who was parked a little ways away and whoever was on shift. They all seemed to be offering the dancer space though- which she appreciated.
With a soft sigh, Kai’sa moves to sit between the grave plots of her parents. Her lavender hued eyes look to the singular stone. Her mothers birth and death date are etched on, but her father’s passing day isn’t there yet. Looking up to the gray sky above, Kai’sa exhales. December 20th, 2019. That was the day her dad passed. That would be the date soon etched onto the gravestone.
As her gaze stays directed upwards- Kai’sa watches as snow begins to fall. The snowflakes are large and round. They fall to the ground slowly; dancing from side to side before settling on the ground. The prickling sensation flares once more in the back of her eyes. This snowfall was exactly like the snow she watched from her dad’s hospital window on the day he died.
The tears that fall from Kai’sa eyes fall quick and hard. After days of holding herself back- the dancer finally offers herself the release she has so desperately needed. The tears feel hot on her face as a ragged sob chokes from her throat- echoing around her. Despite knowing she isn’t alone- sitting here now in the snow- the cold soaking through her coat and pants- Kai’sa feels the heaviness of loneliness settle on her shoulders in a suffocating weight. How was life going to change now that her father was gone? How was she supposed to navigate her life and the changes she has to face without the support of the man who’s been with her since her first day in this world?
As the dancer’s thought’s begin to spiral- Kai’sa finds herself sinking into the snow below her. The freshly fallen flakes offer her a soft bedding to lie on as the weight she now feels begins to suffocate her.
The feeling of warmth enveloping her draw’s the dancer’s eyes open. The familiar smell of roses washes around Kai’sa as she settles silently into the warmth of Evelyn’s arms. Her purple gaze flickers upwards to look at her girlfriend who has moved to kneel down in the snow alongside her.
Kai’sa part’s her dry lips. She attempts to struggle out a comment about how Eve doesn’t have to do this. She knows the siren dislikes when her clothes get wet from the rain or snow- but before the words can struggle past chapped lips; Eve hums softly. “It’s fine darling.” She purrs softly- her tone gentler than Kai’sa has ever heard it before. “We can stay here for as long as you need, or as dark as it gets. I just want you to know that even though your father is gone- you are not alone, nor will you ever be in this lifetime or ones to come.”
The words drip like honey into the dancer’s ears. The tone and sincerity warm her body like how a cup of hot tea does to someone who’s been cold for so long; and although the weight is still weighing on her- as Evelyn pulls her tighter- Kai’sa can’t help but notice the slight feeling of some of the weight being shifted to the older woman.
A sense of guilt begins to swirl in the dancer’s stomach. She doesn’t want any of her partners to shoulder the burden or stress in which she is enduring. They have enough on their plates without her own troubles.
A soft kiss is placed on Kai’sa temple and as Eve pulls back slightly, the dancer can feel the consuming thoughts of burdening the others ease- even if only slightly. They loved her. Ahri, Akali, Evelyn. They all knew that bringing someone else into their lives wouldn’t always be easy- and yet, they all welcome Kai’sa into their family with open arms and unyielding support.
The thought was scary. The idea of trusting others with her safety again. But Kai’sa respected the girls. They weren’t her father- but she knew they would all take care of her- just as she would them.
Maybe she wasn’t entirely lost. Maybe it was just time she traveled a new path alongside new people. It would be scary- but the opportunities and memories it would bring along would be unlike anything she had ever experienced before.
Exhaling softly; Kai’sa relaxes into Evelyn’s arms. The pair settle back into the snow- the flakes from above settling on their coats and hats. It was cold- but together, it wasn’t nearly as lonely.