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1.
Footsteps.
Kate is sure she heard them this time. She sits up sharply in bed. She’s been waiting for them since she woke early this morning.
Is it really her? Twice already she’s confused her own heartbeat pounding in her ears for the sound of the girl’s approach.
The footfalls grow louder. Kate swallows. Is she still angry? The previous day’s meeting flashes through her mind.
It’s funny. She feels the doll slipping from her grasp seconds before she registers the sting on her hand. She looks up in confusion.
The girl’s face is contorted in a way Kate has never seen before, and it’s so disorienting that it takes her a moment to recognise the emotion written there.
Fury.
“Miss Kate…” she growls, “The Shadows House is absolute!”
Kate sinks to the floor in disbelief. “What have they done to you?” she whispers.
The hidden door swings open and the girl steps into the bedroom. Kate jumps.
“Good morning, Miss Kate!” Her voice is bright, but her eyes are glazed over and there is a sort of distant smile pasted to her face that makes Kate shudder. “It is nice to meet you; I am the Living Doll that will serve Miss Kate!”
Huh?
It takes a second for Kate to find her words. “Didn’t…didn’t you come here yesterday?”
“No, I start today, Miss Kate.” The girl’s reply is smooth with certainty. She gathers her mop and bucket from the laundry room and goes about her business of cleaning.
Maybe her memories are all muddled?
A horrifying thought strikes her. Will she repeat this forever?!
Kate can’t for the life of her make sense of what is happening. Her mind just refuses to accept it. She can’t be gone. She can’t be! She called me by my name, she has to remember something!
Today will not go like yesterday. Kate is determined to get through to her this time. But she has to be cautious. Whatever bizarre hypnosis or brainwashing or whatever awful thing the Shadows House has put this poor girl through, it’s made her extremely loyal to the manor. Kate will not rush in blindly again; she will have to choose her moment and her words carefully.
As the day passes by, Kate observes the girl. She finds some books to pretend to read while she steals glances at her.
There really is something wrong with her eyes, she thinks. Kate can’t put her finger on what exactly, but they seem so…lifeless. No trace of her former sunshine personality. Her movements are subdued, like she’s sleepwalking through her work.
Like a doll, Kate thinks with a shiver.
The girl mostly works in silence and Kate doesn’t interrupt her. She taps her fingers idly on the arm of the chair. The shadows are growing longer as afternoon drags into evening. She still has no idea what to say to the girl that will help her regain her memory.
She startles at a sudden sound.
The girl is by the dresser and desk on the other side of the room. She is dusting soot off the surfaces, and while she does, she quietly hums a simple tune.
Kate’s heart leaps.
The tune is a little wonky and off-key, but it becomes more confident as it goes on. There’s something familiar about it, though Kate can’t quite place it.
Is she regaining some of her personality?! Maybe the brainwashing has faded somewhat by now? Kate wonders.
As the girl neatens the items on the dresser, it clicks in Kate’s mind. The tune. It was playing at the circus! It’s all Kate can do to keep herself from leaping up and wrapping the girl in a hug. I knew it! I knew you were still in there somewhere!
The feather duster falters in the girl’s hand just as she reaches the desk. The humming stops dead, and she just stares. Kate follows her gaze.
The doll.
Kate holds her breath. The girl stays frozen in place.
Now is her chance. Kate gets up and walks over. She nods towards the doll. “It was a gift from…a friend,” she says.
“Miss Kate’s…friend.” The girl’s eyes are far away, but there is a glimmer of light returned to them that wasn’t there this morning.
“Yes! That’s right.” Kate picks up the doll and holds it out. “Do you…want to hold it?”
It’s a gamble. Kate braces herself for the girl to smack it out of her hands again, but she doesn’t. Dazed, she just nods and allows Kate to place the doll gently in her hands.
She is still for a long time, brow furrowed. Kate wishes she could see what is going on inside the girl’s head.
The girl hurriedly puts the doll back on the desk. “Forgive me Miss Kate. I must not think unnecessary thoughts.”
“No! No, it’s okay,” Kate rushes to reassure her. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” The girl still looks distressed, and Kate wants to reach out and squeeze her hand to comfort her,
like we used to do, during those frightening and uncertain first days of the mimicry phase, lying side by side in the darkness, the small point of contact bridging the gap and proving that I’m not alone, at least we’re not alone,
but she stops herself. “What were you thinking?” she asks carefully.
“I thought…” The girl shakes her head and her shoulders droop. “It…doesn’t make sense.”
Going against her brainwashing seems to have exhausted her. Kate doesn’t want to push her anymore today. They can talk more in the morning.
2.
“Good morning, Miss Kate! It is nice to meet you; I am the Living Doll that will serve Miss Kate!”
Kate’s heart plummets. No. No, no, no, no, no! Not again!
“But you’ve been here before!” Kate cries out desperately. “Don’t you remember anything from yesterday?!”
What happened?! She was almost starting to remember!
“I start today. I am the Living Doll that will serve Miss Kate.” Blank eyes and vague, polite smile. It’s so, so wrong on the once-vibrant girl’s face. Kate hates it. Hates it.
The girl moves to start cleaning but Kate steps in front of her. “Do you remember anything from before the Shadows House?”
The girl sidesteps her and carries on towards the laundry room. “That doesn’t make sense. I am the Living Doll that will serve Miss Kate.”
“Yes, okay!” Kate grabs her arm to stop her. “But before that, what do you remember?!”
“I—I don’t understand. I am the Living Doll—”
Soot billows out all around Kate. She wants to howl in frustration. She wants to scream and cry and rip everything in this room to shreds and burn this evil manor to the ground for what it has done to her friend!
She lets go of the girl’s arm and flings her hands up in the air. “Useless!” It’s all useless, whatever I do they just reset her memory the next day!
She realises her mistake too late.
The girl visibly shrinks in on herself. “I—am useless?”
Kate reaches out to her, then thinks better of it. The girl suddenly looks so fragile it seems like she could shatter at a touch. Kate’s stomach twists painfully. “I—no, you’re not…”
“‘A Living Doll must be of use to the Shadows House,’” the girl recites. “I am not of use to Miss Kate?”
“No, that’s not what I meant—” Kate’s throat feels tight and her words come out all choked up. “I—I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled. You’re not useless at all!” She looks down at her feet. “You’re…actually one of the kindest and loveliest people I’ve ever met,” she murmurs. But she doesn’t think the girl hears that.
The girl cleans. Kate doesn’t try to talk to her again that day. There is a mournful look in the girl’s eyes when she performs the Goodnight Kiss and then leaves Kate in her room alone.
3.
“Good morning, Miss Kate! It is nice to meet you; I am the Living Doll that will serve Miss Kate!”
Kate nods in acknowledgment. “Good morning.”
It’s been a few days since Kate’s outburst. Since then, she has confirmed a few things about the situation.
One—every day, the girl is put through some kind of brainwashing. Two—that brainwashing must not have solidified yet, because by the end of the day, the girl regains a little of her former personality. Three—that doesn’t make a damn difference, because by the next morning she will have forgotten everything again.
Of course, she has also forgotten how Kate hurt her. The shame is still fresh in Kate’s heart.
Kate is at a loss. There has to be a way to save her, but Kate just can’t seem to crack this problem. For now, she plays the role of the Shadow Noble as best she can.
“The bath is heated now, Miss Kate,” the girl informs her. “I have prepared your change of clothes.”
“Thank you. Kate is grateful.”
Sinking into the warm water, Kate’s mind spirals. Was there ever any hope at all? Could she have stopped this from happening? She just complied with everything during the mimicry phase since they were being so closely monitored, but maybe she should have tried harder to reach out to the girl, help her break though the brainwashing before it was too late.
Is it too late?
That sunshine smile, burned into her mind. “I would be glad if we could meet again!”
Kate laughed it off at the time, but deep down she wished for the exact same thing. Now, she would give anything to take that wish back, if it meant the girl with the beautiful smile was safe—far, far away from this evil place.
The frustration and sadness crush into her chest and she feels like she might explode under the pressure. She slides down under the water until she is completely submerged, and screams and screams.
4.
“Good morning, Miss Kate! It is nice to meet you; I am the Living Doll that will serve Miss Kate!”
The routine keeps repeating. How many days has it been now? They’re blurring together. Kate buries herself in reading most days. Reality is far too painful.
Why does she even care about this girl? It’s easier not to care. She shouldn’t care!
You barely know her! You don’t even know her name! Yet you still think of her as your ‘friend’? Pathetic! She has no idea who you really are, and at this rate she never will. It’s pointless!
But.
She still has the doll.
She came close to throwing it away, one night, with the loneliness gnawing at her heart and bitter tears obscuring her vision. But she couldn’t go through with it in the end. It still sits on her desk, reminding her of everything she has lost.
She thought I was a fairy who stole faces. She knew I wasn’t human from the start, but she still accepted me, still smiled at me with such kindness.
At her skillful fingertips, fabric was her canvas, and there she painted me. As if a being like me is something to be recreated so lovingly. As if I were a work of art.
She said she hoped we could meet again and oh, with my whole heart I wished it too.
When darkness falls and Kate’s cheek is cold where the girl’s warm lips touched it and she’s all alone, she drops her face into her pillow and sobs.
5.
“Good morning, Miss Kate! It is nice to meet you; I am the Living Doll that will serve Miss Kate!”
The Living Doll begins her work once again.
“Good morning, Miss Kate!” the Living Doll greets Kate brightly. “It’s wonderful to meet you! I’m the Living Doll that will serve Miss Kate!”
Kate is numb. She barely acknowledges her and goes to heat up the bathwater herself. If the Doll seems a little put out about that, she ignores it.
When she’s clean and dressed, she returns to the armchair to read while the Living Doll energetically mops the floor and wipes the windows and dusts every corner of the room. Another day, unchanged. But Kate is past the point of feeling anything about that. She doesn’t feel much of anything, really. She’s all used up.
“What are you reading, Miss Kate?”
Kate doesn’t bother looking up. She’s not in the mood for idle conversation. “Nothing that would interest you.”
The Living Doll drops her head and returns to her work. The day ticks by. Kate finds herself tapping her fingers on the arm of the chair, a steady stream of soot rising from her head. She wishes the day was over already so she can just sleep the hours away.
A crash. Kate startles.
The Living Doll has tripped and knocked over a vase. It’s shattered on the floor next to the miserable-looking Doll.
Kate just sighs and turns back to her book. A minute passes.
Then the sniffling starts. Kate looks up again, alarmed.
The Living Doll is still sitting on the floor among the shards of glass, hugging her knees as tears softly drip down her cheeks.
“I’m sorry,” she says, her voice thick. “I’m sorry, Miss Kate.”
Something in Kate’s chest cracks. “You—you don’t need to be sorry.”
The girl shakes her head. “I—I think I might be broken,” she says. “I’m supposed to be your Face. I’m supposed to be the Living Doll that serves you. But, something must be wrong because Miss Kate is so elegant and I’m so clumsy, and I can’t get anything right! It always feels like—like there’s something I’m missing, something Miss Kate wants from me but I don’t know what it is. I try, I try so hard, but my head just—it hurts, like there are too many thoughts stuck in there at once, and I don’t understand why I—I just don’t know what to think or what I’m allowed to think and nothing makes sense!” She gulps in a breath and wipes at her eyes.
She looks imploringly at Kate. “Am I not a good Doll? Why can’t I please Miss Kate?”
All of Kate’s emotions rush back to her at once. She doesn’t think twice. She rushes to the girl’s side and crouches down beside her.
“No,” she says, fighting back tears of her own. “No, I’m the one who’s sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”
I should never have given up on you! Oh, my dear friend, please forgive me!
“There is nothing wrong with you.”
The girl blinks at her with wide, sad eyes.
Kate reaches out and takes the girl’s hand in her own and squeezes gently. “Nothing, you understand? You’re perfect.”
The girl’s bottom lip wobbles and her eyes brim with fresh tears, and for a moment Kate worries she’s made it worse. But then comes the slight pressure of the girl squeezing her hand back. She smiles a small smile through her tears and oh, Kate would do anything for that smile.
The next day she won’t remember this, Kate knows. But that doesn’t matter. The girl might not remember who she was, but Kate will remember for her. She will stand by her, whatever is in store for them next. And one day the girl will regain her brilliant smile.
I will meet you again as many times as it takes.