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When Kirk had asked Spock to join him camping for shore leave, he hadn’t expected him to say yes. He had expected some Spock-like comment about how it was illogical to walk through the woods for hours as a form of rest, accompanied by that look of amusement and camaraderie. The one that, in his mind, he knew was virtually invisible to most. To his heart, however, it was like fireworks going off- bright and beautiful and overwhelming, in the best possible way.
The response he got made it feel like the fireworks were inside him, an explosion filling his body, feeling like he might burst, was bursting. Shocked, in awe. To be honest, he hadn’t even really considered the possibility Spock might say yes. He’d certainly had some, er, thoughts about it, but he hadn’t bothered imagining anything that might actually happen. So, upon hearing “That would be agreeable, Captain,” he froze, feeling excitement and confusion and fear. And also somewhat ridiculous at being this thrown off by someone answering ‘yes’ to a yes or no question.
After what felt like minutes to Kirk but was in all likelihood only a few seconds, Spock added “I have been interested in learning more about the Earth custom of camping.”
Finally regaining control of his tongue, Kirk managed to speak. “Alright. Lanis III has several shops where we can rent gear. I was planning on beaming down to one on the southern side of the planet, near a wooded area. The area there has a river, which I was planning to hike along, if that sounds alright to you?”
“Sounds satisfactory. I should tell you now, that while I have done some research into what we will need, I will likely need some guidance on the matter.”
“No problem, Mr. Spock. The shop should have pretty much everything we need, so all you’ll need to bring from the ship should be some clothes. They do have warmer, waterproof jackets and the like there.”
When they arrived at the planet a couple days later, Kirk felt as if he was about to explode from anticipation. He’d been half-expecting Spock to back out, or something to come up that stopped one or both of them from coming. Okay, maybe three-quarters expecting, with the remaining quarter feeling mostly made of hope rather than fact. It sometimes seemed that something always came up when he was about to get some shore leave, or do something with Spock he had been looking forward to. And this was both.
But here he was, on the surface of the planet, the Enterprise in the process of leaving orbit, soon to be gone, and Spock by his side. Spock by his side. The idea excited him, and he reminded himself that Spock was here, at most, as a friend. Probably actually more for ‘studying camping’, but Kirk could dream. What he couldn’t do was figure out how to stop dreaming and focus on what was in front of him. With a jolt, he realized that the correct shop was what was in front of them, and he turned towards the entrance, hoping he moved casually enough that it seemed natural.
They entered, and he looked around, taking in the displays of tents, backpacks, and other gear. The backpacks were immediately to the left of him, so he decided they would choose those first. He gestured for Spock to stand next to him as he moved in front of the screen.
“So, I don’t know how much of this you’re familiar with, but these places have separate display screens for each type of gear. You can view a brief overview of the details of a specific item, as well as a 3D render. When you’ve decided on one, you just click the order button, and it’ll show up there.” He pointed underneath the screen, where a collection slot was located. “For backpacks, you’ll probably want one with straps that distribute weight across your torso, so it’s easier on your back. Seeing as we’ll be near water, and possibly crossing it, you’ll want one with at least a waterproof pouch; I’ll be getting one with a complete waterproof seal.”
As he spoke, he could feel Spock’s eyes on him, as if they were boring into his soul. He suppressed a shiver, reminding himself that Spock was just here to go camping. They were here as friends and fellow officers, and he shouldn’t make it weird. His heart seemed to have different ideas, pounding in his chest so hard he was legitimately concerned Spock could hear it, with that superior Vulcan hearing of his.
He paused his speech for a moment, and glanced over at Spock. He looked focused, with something else he couldn’t quite read in his eyes. Kirk gave him a small smile, then turned back to the screen to select his backpack. He chose one he had used several times before- it was familiar, and it had done well for him in the past. And okay, maybe he had been told he looked good in it. Maybe ‘done well for him’ was referring to things that weren’t just carrying stuff. But, he reminded himself for fifteenth time, Spock was here as a friend. Spock was not here to kiss him, to run his fingers through his hair, to wrap his arms around and lose himself in. He was not. And the sooner his brain would stop thinking about that, the better. He didn’t want to make Spock uncomfortable. And he did want to spend time with Spock, in whatever way he could.
He collected the backpack from the slot, and moved aside, letting Spock choose. They went through several more displays, including food, water purification, sleeping gear, and more. Kirk gave himself reminders sixteen through thirty-three that Spock was not here as a romantic companion, eight of which occurred at the sleeping gear station, which included both individual and multi-person options. He had chosen a sleeping bag that could be used on its own, or zipped together with another for multiple people. Spock chose the same one, which was when five of those eight reminders became necessary.
They arrived at their final display, which was the one for tents. “For tents, there are several factors to consider. You generally want one that isn’t too heavy, so your pack isn’t heavier than it needs to be . For this trip, we don’t need it to be super waterproof, as it’s unlikely to rain. I still like to get at least moderate waterproofing, to be on the safe side. You’re used to a warmer environment, so you likely want one with more insulation. With all the underbrush where we’re going, it shouldn’t need to be too wind resistant, as the wind will be somewhat blocked already.” He paused, and looked at Spock.
Spock looked as if he were thinking carefully about his options, and Kirk smiled, thinking about how lucky he was to have Spock, both as his first officer and his friend. He loved the way he carefully considered everything, he loved the way he could practically see the gears turning when he looked into his eyes. He often had to remind himself not to look for too long.
“Jim,” Spock said, and Kirk noted the use of his first name. He had insisted on it when they arrived, but it was still nice to hear him actually using it. “In my research on camping, I found it was often recommended to use one tent for multiple people, as it lightened the combined load required. It also can help with warmth, having multiple people to warm up the structure. Would that be beneficial here?”
Kirk felt more fireworks go off inside him. He stayed silent- frozen, really- for a moment, processing what had just happened. Spock was looking at him calmly. If he was thinking about anything other than the logic of the situation, it didn’t show. Kirk couldn’t think of any logical reason to oppose this on his behalf, at least without bringing the fact that he was in love with his first officer into it. And admitting to that was not an option; besides, it would make things way weirder than platonically sharing a tent with the man he secretly loved.
That being settled, he responded, “If you’re comfortable with sharing a tent, that’d be fine. I figured you’d want your privacy, but if it wouldn’t be uncomfortable for you, it would leave us with less weight to carry.”
“It’s settled, then. Since you’re more experienced, it would make sense for you to select the tent we will both use.”
Kirk did that, although he did check with Spock to confirm the size was sufficiently large for him to be comfortable. Internal reminders thirty-four through forty-one seemed to float out of his head, although he believed he was effective at keeping his thoughts from showing too much. Having gotten all the supplies they needed, they packed everything into their bags, including the small bags of clothes they had brought from the Enterprise.
Spock followed Jim as he entered the forest, admiring the way the sun lit up his golden hair, patterns of leaf shadows and sunlight dancing through it. Jim looked back at him, his eyes shining with excitement, and Spock had a sudden impulse to grab his arm and pull Jim into him. He, of course, controlled this impulse, but it was… harder than it should have been. It is illogical to be thinking this way, he thought to himself. Jim is your friend, and your Captain. It would be highly inappropriate to act in such a manner.
He had already done something he probably shouldn’t have when he suggested sharing a tent, but well, it was logical. He may have had some… ulterior motives when suggesting it, but he believed he had kept those hidden, and could continue to do so. And Jim hadn’t objected to the situation. Jim’s presence was quite enjoyable, in any form. He would be glad to have him in the tent, and there would be nothing more to it. He would not allow himself to mess up their professional relationship, nor their friendship.
H e became vaguely aware Kirk was saying something, and pulled himself out of his thoughts. “Apologies, what did you say?”
“I asked, why are you back there? There’s enough space for us to walk next to each other, and that way you can see something more interesting than my back.”
Spock wasn’t sure he agreed that the forest was more interesting , nor did he feel it prudent to mention exactly which part of Jim’s backside his eyes had been drawn to. But he did see the appeal in walking next to him, together with him… He hastened his pace for a few strides, closing the distance between them, being careful to leave enough space between them to be sure their hands wouldn’t touch. “Is this more suitable to you?”
“Much more ,” Kirk replied, amusement clear in his voice. Something flashed in his eyes, but it disappeared before Spock could read it. Kirk looked at him for a moment longer (1.6 seconds, to be precise) , before turning to look off into the trees.
They walked for several hours, mostly in a comfortable silence. Kirk had told a few stories about times he went camping when he was younger. Now, the sun was almost setting, so their walking was less focused on moving forward than finding a place to set up camp. He had told Spock to look for a spot at least 30 feet from the river, with enough space to set up their tent, as well as prepare their food. Spock seemed to be taking this task very seriously, his eyes continuously scanning their surroundings. It was good someone was looking; Kirk was having trouble focusing on anything but Spock.
After a few minutes of looking, Spock said, “I believe I see a suitable location. Follow me.” Kirk did, trying(and failing) to focus on the task at hand, which was distinctly different than ‘admire the way Spock walks for the thousandth time’. In his defence, it was just so… smooth, so beautiful, as if he had control over the terrain, and perhaps even gravity itself. He allowed himself to picture Spock responding, ‘It is simply the logical way to walk, in order to maximize efficiency’, and smiled. He then managed to bring himself out of his thoughts, just as Spock was coming to a stop.
“It’s beautiful,” he said, almost a whisper. And it was. They were at the edge of a rock face, a section hollowed out that would be large enough for their tent, and a small fire, with the rock making it so they could light one without risking the fire spreading. Treetops floated above the indentation, moss dotting the stone wall. He noticed Spock was looking at him, seeming pleased.
They started with setting up the tent. He showed Spock how to link the sections of the poles together, and explained how they would thread all the poles into the tent before putting the ends in place. He could feel Spock’s warm breath on his neck, and he allowed himself to imagine for a second Spock wasn’t just studiously observing how to put the tent together.
By the time the tent was up, night had fallen, and it was getting cold. He started a fire with some nearby brush he had collected, then looked up at Spock as he asked, “Are you warm enough?”
“I am fine, Jim,” he said, although the ever-so-slight chattering of his teeth and shake of his shoulders belied his claim.
“You don’t look fine. Put your warmer jacket on, then sit by the fire and warm up while I cook our dinner.”
“That is unnecessary. The cold is not severe enough to prevent me helping to make our dinner.”
“And I could strip down to my underwear to make it, but I won’t, because that’d be fucking stupid,” He retorted, before continuing, “but if you really want to help, you can do the part of the cooking that involves your hands over the warm fire, and I’ll do the rest.”
Spock looked startled, in his subtle Spock way, but he smoothly replied, “I suppose that will do,” before moving to grab the cooking pot and rack. He placed them over the fire, and settled down next to it. His gaze then turned to Kirk, expectant, and Kirk remembered he was supposed to be preparing the ingredients.
Spock finished his bowl of soup and set it down. Kirk was scraping the last from his own bowl, and Spock watched as his tongue licked at the spoon. Sweeping over it, curving around it… D espite the illogic of such a thought, Spock briefly wished he were a spoon. As Kirk looked up from his bowl, Spock realized he had probably been staring for too long. If Kirk noticed, he didn’t comment on it.
“If you want to do your meditation now, you can go in the tent while I clean up out here. I’ll stay by the fire until you’re done.” Spock opened his mouth to protest, but before he could, Kirk’s expression became more determined, and he added, “Either way, you’re going in that tent now. Even with the fire, it’s way too cold out here. Get in there, and turn the portable heater on.”
Spock hesitated. He was cold, and it was obvious from looking at him, so he couldn’t very well deny it. And Kirk looked like both like he was concerned, and like he was considering trying to shove him into the tent. “Very well. But you will not wait outside when you’re done; I can meditate with you there, but if you’re freezing to death, I might be too distracted to focus.”
Kirk sighed, but ultimately agreed. “If you’re sure it won’t disrupt you, I’ll join you when I’m done out here.”
“I’m sure,” he said, and entered the tent.
Kirk watched as Spock disappeared into the tent, then began to gather the dishes. He was growing increasingly nervous about their sleeping situation as it neared. What if Spock realized how he felt? His head would likely be filled with less-than-chaste thoughts, given their close quarters; what if Spock figured that out? Despite his worries, there was a part of him that was excited. Excited to have Spock near him, glad he had agreed to come on this trip. Having Spock near him mattered far more than the specifics of their relationship. He was Spock’s friend, and that felt like a miracle and a blessing all by itself.
Having cleaned everything up and their bags now hung from a nearby tree branch, Kirk entered the tent. He was tired, and after a quick goodnight to Spock, he was asleep.
“Spock!” The voice sounded like Kirk’s. He tried to respond, but couldn’t seem to get out more than a mumble. He didn’t know what was going on, but before he could try to make sense of it, he lost consciousness again.
When he awoke again, he felt very sluggish. He decided that he should lay still for a moment; if he had been captured, he wanted to be aware as possible when his captors realized he was awake. Keeping his breathing calm and even, he tried to piece together what he could of his surroundings without opening his eyes. He was still covered with some sort of cloth, that felt very similar to his sleeping bag, but he wasn’t sure whether or not it was. It seemed bigger than he remembered his sleeping bag being. Something warm was pressed against his back. There was a faint, muffled voice, and he tried to make out what it was saying.
“Please… don’t die. You have to be okay. I need you. I love you. I know that you don’t love me, but I don’t need you to. I can’t let you die.” Something seemed familiar about the voice, but his mind was still barely functional, confused and slow. How did he get here? What had happened? A wave of worry crashed over him as he realized he didn’t know where Kirk was. He couldn’t remember whether Kirk had come into the tent or not.
He felt the warm thing against his back shift slightly, and a quiet gasp escaped him before he could suppress it. Before he had time to process this, he heard his name. “Spock?” It was the same voice as before. How did they know his name? Why did the voice sound so familiar? He didn’t have long to think about it, however, as the warm thing on his back moved, and began slowly turning him onto his back. He finally opened his eyes, and saw Kirk looking down at him. So that’s why the voice sounded so familiar, he thought.
“Jim?” He felt relief rush through him, and realized the source was where Kirk’s hand was touching him. “What happened?”
“I woke up about an hour ago… it was so cold. It wasn’t supposed to be this cold. When I checked the heater, it was broken. I asked if you were alright, but you wouldn’t respond. When I touched you, your skin was freezing, and your face was tinged blue.” Kirk paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. His voice with thick with concern and fear. “I moved you in your sleeping bag over here, and started the fire back up. Then…” Kirk seemed hesitant and scared, but in a different way than before. “You were so cold. I connected our sleeping bags together, and climbed in, hoping my body heat would help warm you up. I couldn’t let you die.”
It was at that moment Spock realized two things. First, Kirk was inside the sleeping bag with him; Kirk was the warmth. Second, he recalled what he had heard a couple minutes ago. You have to be okay… I need you... I love you… That had been Kirk’s voice and it had been… talking to him? No, that couldn’t be right. Could it? His half-frozen mind tried to make sense of the situation, to no avail. He decided to just ask. “A minute ago… before you said my name, you were talking, weren’t you?”
He felt Kirk stiffen, and saw fear flash in his eyes. “I was,” he answered, and did not elaborate.
“Were you talking to me?”
“Yes.”
“Do you… really love me?”
Kirk appeared resigned as he answered, but his voice stayed steady. “Yes. I didn’t mean for you to hear it. I don’t want to do anything that would make you uncomfortable. I’ll understand if you don’t want to spend so much time off-duty with me anymore. I’ll understand if you want a transfer. You’re an exceptional first officer, and I’d miss you professionally as well as personally, but I won’t make you stay somewhere you don’t want to be.”
Kirk began to move away, and Spock reached up to grab his arm. “Jim, wait.” He found that although his mind was returning, his tongue was still slow. He elected to use a different mode of communication, and slid his hand down Kirk’s arm, stopping when their hands were resting together. He felt the connection form, and focused his own affection for Kirk at it.
He watched as Kirk’s eyes grew wide, his tense form starting to relax. “Really?” Kirk said, disbelief and hope showing in his eyes.
“Really.” At that, Kirk fully relaxed, lowering himself back to the ground, lying next to Spock again. Spock felt Kirk sending affection in return over the bond. They stayed together, sharing their warmth- physical and emotional- until the Enterprise returned a few hours later. It was scheduled to orbit the planet and collect records, then pick them up the next day. However, despite his improvement, Spock still needed medical attention. They beamed up as soon as the Enterprise arrived, although neither of them were particularly excited about leaving their position.