Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Finding the town had, in Warriors’ very humble opinion, been nothing short of a small miracle – especially after they had spent several weeks trudging through what had felt like the world’s largest forest.

They were all perfectly capable of camping, make no mistake, but sometimes one longed for a mattress and a solid bed frame. And when it reaches the point where even Wild and Hyrule are itching for a place to restock, rather than just cheerfully foraging and informing them all of the nutritional values of various bugs, that is generally where the line gets drawn.

And get drawn it did, if the relieved cheers when the road beneath them had turned to stone was any indication.

They must have made quite the sight, nine exhausted, grubby, heavily armed men emerging from the woods, but thankfully the townsfolk were overall very welcoming – which Warriors was decidedly going to count as another small miracle.

Rather than having to deal with distrustful glares, hissed warnings to do their business and leave, or – Nayru forbid – a bombardment of subtly crafted rumours from villagers with too wide grins that lure them directly into a trap (it had happened once, and once was more than enough), they instead were given an understanding smile and directions to a reputable inn from one of the guards watching over the front gate.

(She waved off their profuse thanks, leaning on the staff of her halberd slightly as she gave their party a quick once over.

“Listen, we’re the biggest town this far out for a while, so we get no short supply of weary travellers,” she explained with a kind smile, “I was one of them myself, way back when. So I know that, right now, all you want is a warm meal, a warmer bath, and a soft bed, so by all means, don’t let me delay you.”

And with that, she sent them on their way – pointedly pretending not to see the rupees Hyrule pulled out of his bag to offer her.)

Finding the inn and securing enough beds for the nine of them was relatively simple work, Time bargaining with the inn-keep as Twilight and Warriors poured every inch of their country-and-regular charm into hopefully offsetting whatever intimidating factor the elder’s soft-spoken politeness couldn’t quite erase.

(Nothing against the man, by any means; he just happened to have been saddled with the rather unfortunate combination of very visible (though admittedly striking) markings and a chronic case of resting bitch face.)

The inn-keep thankfully didn’t seem too bothered by the three armour-clad men that had wandered into her business, nor by the slew of similarly armed boys milling about the entrance.

She did, however – bless her soul – delicately mention that the town had a robust public bathhouse as she slid over the discounted keys for three rooms.

“We’ll be sure to visit such a fine establishment,” Warriors said, shooting her his best winning smile as he scooped up the keys from the counter. “In fact…”

He turned to the others, letting out a short whistle to get their attention and waving them over. Once they were gathered he tossed the keys to Time, who caught them with a roll of his eye, and clapped his hands together, ready to make his announcement.

“Alright, so just as a heads up, whatever plans you lot had for the next few hours, I’m vetoing them. We’re going to the bathhouse, and we are staying there until we look – and smell – somewhat civilised again. We clear?”

“Oh, thank the Goddess,” Sky said, slumping over slightly in pure relief.

“What about our supplies?” Hyrule asked.

“They can wait until we stop smelling like a pack of moblins,” Legend said brusquely, already looking half ready to drop everything and track down the place himself. “We’ve spent the past however long washing in rivers, I refuse to let any of you keep me from warm water for a second longer than strictly necessary.”

“Agreed,” Four and Twilight chimed in unison, tiredly smiling at each other in surprise.

“Jinx,” the smithy murmured, and Twilight gave his shoulder an exasperated nudge.

“Wonderful, now that that’s been established,” Warriors turned back to the inn-keep, bringing his winning smile back full force, “We’ll just leave our packs in the rooms this lovely lady so generously rented us, and get out of her hair.”

He ignored the faint gag behind him (that sounded suspiciously like Wind) as she flushed minutely, tittering out a laugh.

“Oh, stop, it’ll be a pleasure to house such a charming group of young men,” she said, waving a reassuring hand.

“The pleasure is all ours,” Warriors said smoothly as Wind gagged again, slightly louder this time. He subtly flicked the younger’s ear, this time ignoring his muffled yelp as he herded the group towards the staircase leading up to the rooms. “Now, if you’ll kindly excuse us.”

Twilight fell into step with him as they ascended, eyebrow raised. “You are aware that she already discounted the rooms, right?”

“What of it? It’s not a crime to be polite.”

“Should be, the way you do it.”

Warriors’ attempt to shoulder-check the smug bastard back down the stairs was cut off by Time opening the door to one of their rooms, looking back at the rest of the group with his ‘herding cats’ face on.

“Alright, we’re going three to a room, so pick a room and dump your stuff,” he said, heading to the next door down and opening it as well. “We’ll work out who’s bunking with who later, right now just leave anything you don’t need.”

He opened the last door and walked in, pausing in the doorway to squint at the gathered heroes.

“That includes armour and weaponry. Limit yourself to a dagger, if you really must.” With that, he disappeared into the room, throwing out an offhand “Don’t take too long.”

They stared after him for a few seconds before Legend swung his pack into the crook of his elbow, jostling past the front of the group.

“Alright, you heard the man,” he said, walking into the second room down.

They quickly dispersed, Warriors slipping into the first room and unceremoniously dumping his bag and weapons against the wall.

Pauldron and bracers unstrapped, practised movements swift and efficient out of second nature by now, belt and scarf removed, and he could finally pull off his outer tunic – spreading it out on one of the beds before wriggling out of his chainmail.

He had to admit, it was nice being able to shuck all that weight for a day.

Once it was all securely stored away, he shrugged his green tunic back on, forgoing his scarf in favour of also tucking it into his pack. He paused for a second, watching Sky slowly remove all his unneeded layers, before walking past Four to the door and sticking his head out.

“Make sure you bring a fresh set of clothes, if you have any!” he called down the hallway, waiting until he heard a few scattered calls of affirmation.

Satisfied, he went back to his bag, pulling out his spare clothes and a small, embroidered pouch before he joined Four in perching on one of the beds to wait for Sky.

“Any day now, oh Chosen Hero,” he drawled sweetly, Four giving a quiet snicker.

“Hush,” the other bit out, struggling to get his own layer of chainmail over his head. It seemed to have gotten partially caught on his hair, the poor thing. If only someone were to assist him.

The sky knight eventually managed to pull himself free with a slight gasp – hair stunningly disheveled – and dumped the armour only a touch vindictively next to his shield in the corner. He folded his sailcloth with much more care, stowing it gently in his bag after pulling some extra clothes out.

Warriors groaned loudly as Sky started buckling his sash back on, playfully falling back on the bed with a dramatic thump. Four snorted at his antics, small frame bouncing slightly with the mattress.

“Come on, I was ready ages before you guys,” the smithy grinned.

Sky pulled a face at him, adjusting his belt. “You don’t even wear armour, you can act all high and mighty once you need to do more than just take off your sword and shield.”

“Sorry, can’t hear you over how incredibly efficient I am.”

“I am being bullied,” Sky lamented, words at odds with the poorly suppressed smile on his face as he scooped up his clothes from the floor.

“Did the Gilded Ones show us mercy?” Warriors asked, shifting the arm he had thrown over his face to peer up at the other, eyes blown wide. “Has the prophesied day come to pass? Is he finally done?”

Sky swatted him in the face with a shirt, rolling his eyes pointedly.

“Less patience than a remlit at feeding time, honestly,” he sniffed, exaggeratedly turning his nose up as he swanned past the spluttering captain and thoroughly amused Four.

Warriors rolled to his feet with a bitten off curse, shaking his head to get rid of the feeling, before he noticed Sky’s back.

“Sky,” Four called before he could, gesturing over his own shoulder when the other turned around, “Sword.”

The Skyloftian blinked at him owlishly, before he registered what he meant and swung the Master Sword back off with a quiet sigh.

“Sorry, force of habit,” he said, going to lean her by his shield with the same amount of care he gave his sailcloth.

His hands lingered over her scabbard for a few moments, one foot tapping an anxious rhythm on the floorboards, before he withdrew with another faint sigh.

“She’ll be fine,” Warriors said once he rejoined them by the door, slinging a friendly arm over his shoulder. “We’ll lock the doors behind us – and you and I both know she’d never let herself stoop to being stolen by some two-bit thief.”

“Yeah,” Sky agreed softly, throwing one last longing look over his shoulder, before he shook himself out of his stupor and gave them a smile. “Alright, bath time.”

“Bath time!” Four cheered jokingly, throwing his arms up as they passed through the doorway.

Most of the others were ready and waiting, milling about the hallway as they waited for the last few stragglers to finish up. Warriors sidled up next to Legend, knocking his little pouch against the matching one hanging from the veteran’s wrist in semi-solidarity, and took a quick headcount of those still missing.

“Sky, against all odds, we managed to find someone slower than you!” he called sweetly, this time having the foresight to dodge the second shirt-swat.

“Shut.”

“You too?” Wild snickered, looking for all intents and purposes exactly like he had when they split off into their rooms – not even having bothered to take off his hood. He stuck a thumb over his shoulder at a long-suffering Twilight.

“This guy decided he had to fold every layer as he took it off, and make sure his pelt was all nice and fluff- ack!”

Twilight kept Wild’s hood pulled over his eyes, wrapping his arm around the other’s flailing shoulders in something halfway to a headlock.

“See, now you wouldn’t be having this problem if you had actually taken your cloak off,” he said conversationally, not so much as blinking at the elbow thrown into his ribs.

“What, so you could fold it too?” Wild shot back, gamely throwing his elbow back for another go. “You’re just mad that I’m right, and faster at getting ready than you will ever be!”

“Yeah?” Twilight asked, almost insultingly kindly, “Where’re your spare clothes then?”

Wild paused in his attempts to pry the rancher’s arm off. “…Around.”

A slow, sly grin spread across Twi’s face at the reluctant mutter.

“Around, huh?” He gave Wild’s shrouded shoulders a soft little jostle. “Care to share with us where this ‘around’ is?”

The cook’s scrabbling renewed with a fresh vigour, both hands pushing against Twilight’s forearm as he tried to loosen the other’s grip on his hood.

“Yeah, shoved all the way up your- “

There was a loud, overly horrified gasp, and Wind flounced his way out of the last door with a hand delicately held to his mouth – the very picture of an aghast noble clutching at their pearls.

“Such language!” he exclaimed, thoroughly appalled. “My poor, baby ears shall surely fall off in the face of this utter crudeness!”

Legend snorted. “Your poor, baby ears?”

Wind dropped the act, aiming an unimpressed look at the veteran. “The poorest, babiest ears, thank you very much.”

“Would your poor, baby ears like to tell us what took you so long?” Warriors asked.

The look was promptly turned on him, with a scoff thrown in for good measure.

“Ears can’t talk, stupid.”

Oh, that little-

“Where’s the old man?” Twilight asked over Legend’s wheeze, settling himself solidly on Wild’s shoulders as he peered at the doorway the sailor had emerged from.

“Still taking off his armour,” Wind answered, side-stepping Warriors’ attempt to catch him in a headlock of his own with an easy shrug. “Traveller stayed keeping him company, but I got bored.”

He threw an arm across his forehead, gazing up at the ceiling like it held the answers as to why the world was so needlessly cruel.

“Little did I know that I’d walk out here only to get my poor,” he dodged another grab, “Baby, innocent ears, assaulted by the likes of you!”

Warriors finally managed to catch the little menace, pinning him under his armpit.

“This performance would be a lot more convincing if I hadn’t heard you say far more colourful things in your sleep,” he grinned, giving the kid’s hair a rough scrubbing for good measure.

Wind twisted around in his grip, to little effect. “Geddoff! My poor baby ears will not stand for this!”

“Ears don’t have legs either,” Four chimed in, mischief glinting in his eyes.

“Get your own joke, Smithy! I made it first, you can go find something origin- Whose clothes are that?”

The sailor’s thrashing abruptly halted, attention captured by the unassuming patterned red tunic and trousers tucked up against the wall.

Wild finally managed to push his hood up enough to squint past the dark fabric. “Huh, that’s where they went.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “I wasn’t aware that my ass looked like the corner of the hallway.”

“What did I just walk in on?” Hyrule asked, sounding utterly bewildered as Wind let out another affronted gasp.

“Chaos,” Sky said simply.

“Free entertainment,” Legend added.

The traveller tilted his head, fully taking in the scene. Wind helpfully started trying to fight his way out of Warriors’ grip again.

“Same thing,” Hyrule said decisively, nodding to himself.

Four gave a quiet huff of amusement, inclining his head at the door before he asked, “The old man done yet?”

Hyrule wiggled a hand. “Almost. He did send me out here to ask you guys to try to murder each other a little quieter please, though.”

Warriors and Twilight shared a resigned look and begrudgingly released their prey together, leaving them to fix their mussed-up hair and clothes.

“To be entirely fair, we’d probably be a touch less inclined to turn to fratricide if he didn’t decide to take an age and a half,” Warriors felt the need to point out, resting a hand on his hip.

Hyrule raised his hands in mock defence. “I’m just passing on what he said, it’s not my fault the man’s armour is a fiddly nightmare,” he said with a small smile.

“And he told us not to take too long,” Legend scoffed.

Warriors snapped his fingers, as if something had just occurred to him. “Maybe he just meant not to take longer than him.”

“My hearing’s still functional despite my decrepit old age, you know,” Time drawled. Some part of Warriors couldn’t help but to partially snap to attention as he left his room, just as quickly relaxing at the sight of the man’s unimpressed face.

“There he is!” he crowed, throwing his arms out dramatically, “Man of the hour! And here we were beginning to think you had up and died on us!”

Time’s stern mask cracked, and he chuckled quietly as he turned to lock the door behind him. “Not quite old enough for that yet, I’m afraid.”

“Really? You could’ve fooled me,” Hyrule chirped, uncaring of the deliberately blank stare that was levelled at him.

“Don’t be mean!” Sky cut in, “Don’t listen to them, they don’t know what they’re talking about.”

He came up beside Time, the beginning of a grin tugging at the corner of his lips, and patted his elbow consolingly.

“You don’t look a day over ninety.”

Warriors couldn’t help the bark of laughter that burst out of him – he had to take a moment to swiftly get himself back under control, fiercely stomping down on the urge to cackle at Time’s slow, borderline disbelieving look at Sky.

His plight was not made any easier by the fact that the chosen hero steadfastly refused to crack in the face of such stony ire – instead giving the older a bland, inoffensively comforting smile, as if he had just politely inquired after the health of his ailing lapdog.

One more choked sound escaped him, thankfully lost in the uproar from the rest, before Warriors managed to school his impression, falling back into his tried-and-true ‘dealing with nobles’ method: shoulders back, benign smile painted on, not a single shred of needing to curl up into a wheezing ball of hysterical laughter in his body, no sir.

It had gotten him through countless galas and political meetings; it would not fall in the face of Sky’s calm, almost languid blink, for all appearances deaf to the violent coughing fit that had overtaken poor Four.

Time returned the blink blandly, took a measured breath, then went to lock the middle room – evidently deciding that this was not a battle he was going to engage in today.

Behind his back, Sky’s innocent smile took on a brief tint of smugness – there and gone – before he proceeded to humbly accept his victory with all the grace and humility of someone who knew how to make it sting.

Time was pointedly unmoved by his subtly radiating bullshit.

“Everyone ready to go?” he asked once the last door was locked, most of the ruckus having died down by that point.

Wild half-winced, and belatedly went to grab his spare clothes from the corner – taking the opportunity to give Four a quick pat on the shoulder on his way past.

Wind, for his part, trotted over to where the smithy had crouched with his forehead against the wall and bobbed down to his level. He regarded the other’s hunched form for a second – colourful shoulders still shaking softly – then leaned in to whisper a question in his ear.

“Peachy,” came the strained reply. Four straightened back up with a deep breath, visibly collecting himself before looking Time in the eye.

“Ready,” he said, carefully level voice echoed by a few of the others.

“Wonderful,” Time said, a touch dry, “Now, I’m not unlocking these rooms again unless I absolutely have to, so if anything was left behind you will simply have to make do for a few hours. Understood?”

“Loud and clear,” Warriors drawled, throwing up a lazy salute that would’ve made Impa cringe as he tapped his boot against the floorboards, feeling his usual knife shift slightly in its holster. Better safe than sorry.

“Let’s go, then,” Time said, leading the way back down the stairs.

Warriors broke off from the group once they had descended, muttering a quick “Let me get directions,” to their de-facto leader and ignoring the quiet but heartfelt groan of dismay from Hyrule.

“It’s a town, where would we even get lost?” he huffed softly to Wild, the scarred teen nodding along sagely and thus also getting his opinion on the matter thoroughly ignored.

Warriors approached the front desk, smiling at the inn-keep again with a small wave of greeting.

“Sorry for all the ruckus,” he said, leaning slightly on the wood, “Boys, y’know?”

“You are a dirty, stinking hypocrite, Captain!” Wind called, and Warriors gave her the best ‘what can you do’ face he could muster.

“Don’t worry, I knew what I was getting into when I booked you all in,” she chuckled, “Just try to keep the noise down a bit more at night, alright?”

Warriors mimed sewing his mouth shut, then placed a hand on his heart in promise, drawing another chuckle out of her.

“Now, you were probably looking for some directions, right?”

“Ah!” he exclaimed, placing his other hand over his heart as well, “As observant as she is beautiful!”

She flushed again, swatting at him gently with a quiet snort. Warriors’ grin only widened at the complaints that arose from behind him, and he threw in a comically over the top wink for good measure.

“Oh, come on- “

“Wars, please- “

“Gross!”

“Alright, alright, enough of that,” the inn-keep got out through her breathless laughter, flicking to the back of her ledger book to tear out a spare page, “If I leave my marriage of twenty years for some pretty-boy with a few sweet words, my wife will literally never let me live it down.”

Warriors let his grin soften into something more genuine. “She sounds like a very lucky woman.”

She hummed, something soft in her eyes as she sketched out directions on the paper. “She tells me so every day. Now!”

The innkeeper handed him a rough map, the bare-bones diagram marked with scrawling annotations that he was sure would be wonderfully helpful if they were written in a Hylian he could read. Alas.

“That should point you in about the right direction, so just follow that and don’t be shy about asking for help if you get lost; we’re plenty used to travellers here. It’s one of the biggest buildings in the area, you can’t miss it.”

“Your help is much appreciated,” Warriors said, dipping into a short bow, “Thank you kindly.”

“No problem, hope you all enjoy yourselves,” she warmly replied.

Warriors gave her one last smile before he turned and headed back to the others, waving the makeshift map victoriously. “Right, you lot heard her; time to stop stinking up the place.”

“Flirting with a married woman, Wars,” Legend crooned, taking a page out of Wind’s book and throwing an arm across his forehead in mock horror, “Such scandalous behaviour!”

Warriors caught one last snort of laughter from the inn-keep at their antics as the door shut behind them. He let out an amused huff of his own, shaking his head and handing the veteran their directions.

“It was all for fun, she was a great sport about it,” he said simply. “Now lead on, map boy.”

“That’s map boy, sir, to you, lazy ass,” Legend sniffed, swatting his arm with the paper before examining it haughtily.

“Since when do you outrank me? Last I checked, you weren’t in the army, much less a commander.”

“Don’t need to be, to be better than you,” the boy sniped as he rotated in place to gain his bearings – squinting at the marks with the same dogged focus the veteran gave everything else in his life.

“I can’t help but feel you don’t know how the military ranking system works.”

“And I’d like to keep it that way, thank you very much.” Legend stopped spinning and gestured down the road with a firm nod. “Bathhouse is this way.”

Twilight peered over the veteran’s shoulder at the map and raised his eyebrows slightly. “I don’t even know if I should be impressed that you can make sense of that.”

“That’s why he’s map boy,” Four said wryly.

“Map boy, sir.”

“Yeah, I’m not calling you that.”

“Oh, so ‘map boy’ is fine, but the minute I ask you to add the slightest ounce of respect to the title- “

Warriors fell back, more than happy to let Legend continue his indignant rant as he led them in presumably the right direction – only pausing to consult the paper briefly before he picked up right where he left off.

“Lovely day, isn’t it?” he asked Time, falling into step besides the older man as the teens’ squabbling only escalated.

(“Who knighted you? Under what authority?”

“The authority of ‘I’m the one making sure we don’t wander off and die in some ditch, so some respect wouldn’t hurt’!”

“Well, maybe if you want this so-called respect so bad, you can do something to earn it first, map boy.”

“What do you call this, me dancing a fucking jig-“)

“Quiet,” Warriors tacked on, smiling the innocent smile of someone who had never started shit a day in his life.

The old man’s unimpressed side-eye truly was a thing of beauty. Almost as good as Twilight’s baleful glare to get his ass back here and deal with the consequences of his actions.

Shame they were both being wasted on him.

“When about do you reckon we are?” Sky piped up, peering around at the street they were weaving through curiously, “We might actually have more luck figuring it out, now that we’ve got a landmark.”

Usually this question would lead to a few theories being presented, especially since now they had more information to go off than ‘yet another thrice-damned forest’; but Warriors’ usual time-period-analysis buddies were a touch preoccupied making threats of gratuitous violence towards one another, so he instead just settled for a shrug.

“Not sure,” he said, sidestepping a woman walking the other direction and waving off her look of utter bewilderment at the two short, colourful, and increasingly loud teens leading the pack with a flash of an easy grin.

“We can ask around later, but my guess is still some point between us. You definitely said this one isn’t yours, right, Champion?”

Wild gave a vague hum of affirmation – more focused on looking longingly at the rooftops, hands twitching by his sides.

Well, that could only bode well. Warriors decided to head off that little impulse before it could fully rear its head and gave Wind a nudge, gesturing pointedly with his chin when he looked over.

The sailor rolled his eyes, but obligingly went over and slotted his hand into one of Wild’s – swinging it back and forth idly as the champion startled, then relaxed when he saw who it was.

Wind even took the opportunity to grab Hyrule’s hand while he was at it; Warriors made a mental note to get the kid a treat at some point for managing to effectively tether the two to the group with relatively little effort.

Maybe something sweet, kids like sugar. There had to be a street vendor around here somewhere.

He made a second mental note to ask Wild and Hyrule to keep their eye out for one when they inevitably got let loose on the unsuspecting town. After they’d all washed up, of course – the only reason Warriors had even bothered to enlist Wind’s help, rather than just hoping the two would show up again eventually.

“Well, whenever we are, it seems peaceful enough,” Sky said, fondly smiling at how Wind started to swing Hyrule’s hand as well, the traveller letting it happen with an amused snort.

“Even that never-ending forest only had a few monster packs in it, and none of them were black-blooded.”

“It does make me worry about another ambush brewing,” Time mused, “We’ve been in this era for quite a while, now; who knows what the shadow has been cooking up all this time.”

“All the more reason to rest up and recuperate while we can,” Warriors countered easily, “Fighting when we’re all exhausted will only do more harm than good.”

“Plus, we needed to restock anyway,” Hyrule chimed in, “This way we’ll be more prepare- Wind, we’re not swinging you.”

“Swing me.”

“You’re thirteen- “

“Nearly fourteen!”

“You’re thirteen, not three, if we try to swing you someone’s gonna faceplant.”

The sailor narrowed his eyes in challenge. “That sounds like quitter’s talk to me.”

“Oh look, we’re here,” Twilight said loudly before a second set of bickering could break out – and oh, would you look at that, so they were.

Legend cut himself off halfway through some elaborate, overblown speech to a thoroughly unimpressed smithy, taking in their surroundings for a few seconds before abruptly switching gears to give a victorious fist pump.

“Still got it!” he crowed, launching into some little… punchy-kicky victory dance. “Who got us to the right place with only a half-drawn map in an unfamiliar language? I did!”

He spun on his heel to point at Four. “How’s that for map boy?”

The smithy gave the slowest, most condescending applause Warriors had ever heard. The point promptly turned to a stunningly vulgar gesture.

Ah, youth.

“Good work, Vet,” he said breezily, sweeping in to give Legend a firm pat on the shoulder. Then, just for good measure, “Truly, today is the day you go from a map boy- “

He paused for a second, pretending to get choked up.

“-To a map man.”

Legend gave him a very impressive stink-eye as laughter rippled through the group, clearly only just remembering who had technically instigated the argument in the first place.

“You are literally the last person I want to hear that from,” he sniffed.

“Alright, a ‘map surly teenager’ then, if you so insist.”

“How about I shove my map foot up your pompous, overblown-“

“Shh,” Sky said slowly, coming up between them and draping himself over Legend’s shoulders like a sleepy, anti-foot-in-ass blanket. “Bath time.”

“Bath time,” Four quietly chimed in response, looking vaguely reprimanded by the fact that he had nearly strayed from the sanctity of scrubbing down.

It was incredible how fast Legend was mollified, lasting all of two seconds before he sighed in defeat – powerless in the face of Sky’s affectionate ‘shut the hell up’ hug.

“Bath time,” he agreed with a tiny, crooked smile, patting the Skyloftian’s forearm.

Sky gave a pleased hum, closing his eyes for a second as the chant of ‘bath time’ was swiftly taken up by the younger members of their group. He then opened them again to give the captain an infinitely mild look.

Warriors was suddenly reminded of the fact that he had never once beaten this man in a spar.

“Bath time,” he said quickly, raising a fist for good measure as the boys cheered. Sky gave a positively sunny grin, squeezing Legend’s shoulders one last time before he straightened back up.

The veteran had led them to a fairly open plaza with streets leading off into presumably every corner of town, the smooth cobblestones ringed by various tidy-looking buildings. It was pretty obvious which one was their destination; easily the largest one there, constructed out of a hardy pale stone with a steady plume of steam drifting out of a few strategically placed ventilation holes.

Warriors couldn’t help but let out an appreciative hum, taking in the size of the place. Robust indeed.

And well-funded, too – they must be in a time of relative prosperity if even this, while admittedly large, rather isolated town was able upkeep such an ambitious public service.

This part of the town was likely where all the public buildings were clustered; he could spot a post office off to the side, and what looked like it might be a meeting hall. He scanned the area idly, making yet another absent mental note to remind everyone to post any mail later.

The plaza was already fairly busy for the time of day, people bustling back and forth with barely a sideways glance spared for the nine eclectic strangers gathered around. Even so, the bathhouse appeared to be relatively peaceful, most townspeople probably opting to wash up closer to the end of the day.

The captain couldn’t say he was complaining – the more space they had to wash off the grime of travel, the better, especially when it came to this lot.

On that note, he did a quick headcount, more out of habit than anything. Eight, plus him, that made nine.

Satisfied that nobody had decided to keel over while he wasn’t watching, Warriors started weaving through the plaza, trusting the others to follow (or at least be corralled) after him.

He neatly dodged a frazzled father trying to keep his children nearby, focus purely on his goal. Already he could practically hear the siren song of heated water, of the opportunity to soak for longer than five minutes…

He paused for a second, allowing someone carrying a hefty-looking box to scurry past. Maybe he’d even have enough time to give himself a proper scrubbing.

Buoyed by the thought, Warriors hurried across to the entrance, unable to fully tamp down the extra skip in his step. He took a glance behind him, making sure that everyone had kept pace.

A good few of them looked almost as eager as he was to take a few hours to relax – although, he did catch some apprehensive expressions in there.

Something about that registered as important in his mind, but he wasn’t entirely sure how.

Legend and Four seemed comfortable enough. Wind looked curious but a touch cautious, Hyrule seemed enamoured with the size of the building, Time was as brazenly unreadable as ever…

Wild, despite his hand still being grasped firmly in the sailor’s, had that wide-eyed, vaguely blank look in his eyes he tended to get whenever they were in a town with a population larger than ‘straggling’, shrinking back in his hood anytime someone accidentally brushed against him.

Warriors felt a flash of concern for the normally bright teen. Usually the other was able to shake off his initial reaction fairly easily, chattiness coming back full force at the prospect of fresh faces to meet. Today must’ve already been an off day for him to still be floundering.

The furtive glances at the rooftops – up high, both a vantage point and a refuge – suddenly gained a new light. As did the insistence at keeping his cloak on.

The captain swiftly stomped down on his brain’s immediate accusation that he should’ve noticed – Wild had a stubbornly ongoing habit of hiding any hint of personal struggle, and a poker face that would put Time to shame when he put the effort in. Warriors would’ve struggled even if he’d known what he was looking for.

Not to mention that, knowing him, Wild had probably been functioning under the insistence that he was fine, only to be blindsided by the business of the plaza.

One of these days that ‘knowing your limits’ talk was going to stick. And the ‘communicating your needs’ one.

He wasn’t the only one who’d picked up on the champion’s skittishness, Wind and Hyrule occasionally throwing their hand-holding buddy anxious glances whilst Twilight just looked outright concerned.

Hopefully getting him inside away from the crowds would help him get acclimated, being stuck in an unfamiliar situation wouldn’t do any favours-

Warriors stopped dead in his tracks a few metres from the entrance, fighting the urge to smack himself in the face.

He was an idiot.

“Hold on,” he said, rather than listing every curse he knew, “I just remembered something.”

He herded the group off to the side a little, both for some semblance of privacy and so they wouldn’t be blocking the walkway.

“What’s up?” Sky asked, tilting his head slightly.

“And can it wait?” Legend added, looking longingly back at the open doorway.

“No, this is kind of important,” Warriors replied, holding back the urge to sigh. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t thought to check beforehand.

“Okay, so just to preface this, there is absolutely no judgement no matter what the answer is. We are all aware of how our individual knowledge can vary wildly – both due to our different eras and lived experiences – so this question is merely to gauge where we’re at.”

“Okay?” Four said slowly. Next to him, Time’s eye widened, then shut as he dragged a hand down his face, clearly catching on to where Warriors was going with this.

“Right, now that we’ve got that out of the way…” the captain trailed off for a brief second, taking a moment to brace for the confirmation that he was a fool and a short-sighted moron. Then:

“Who here has actually been to a bathhouse before?”

The number of sheepish winces he got told him that he was right to double check. And really should’ve earlier.

Legend looked around at his companion’s faces, then groaned loudly.

“We did the common knowledge assumption thing again!” he lamented, pushing his hair back with both hands irately.

“Calm down, Vet, it’s not that big a deal,” Warriors reassured, privately agreeing with his frustration – one of these days they really had to stop doing that, it kept leading to the strangest misconceptions. They did not need a repeat of the bubble thing.

“Alright, going around, who has any idea what we’re doing.”

“I’ve been to heaps of bathhouses,” Legend started, heels of his palms now pressed into his eyes, “There’s usually one in every big town, sometimes more.”

“I’ve been to the one in Hyrule Town a few times,” Four offered.

Twilight wiggled a hand, hissing through his teeth. “We don’t have one in Ordon, and Kakariko is more about their hot springs.” He thought for a second.

“There’s at least one in Castle Town, but I only went there once – too many city people staring, way too many clear attempts to get the hick swordsman to fork over a fortune for existing, like he was too dumb to know when someone was tryna scam him. Gimme a hot spring any day.”

Time shrugged when it came to his turn. “Yes, but it’s been a while. I’m usually at the ranch, but they’re nice enough if I’m away for a bit.”

“I just figured they’re somewhere you go to bathe?” was Sky’s contribution, “It is in the name, and nobody corrected me so I sorta figured. We don’t have any on Skyloft, but the Academy’s bath is pretty communal.”

He looked to the side, mouth thinning slightly as he muttered, “At least, when no one’s hogging it.”

“I’ve been to a few bathhouses when I can afford it,” Hyrule chipped in, “They can get a bit pricey, but the water isn’t tainted, and it’s warm. I haven’t been able to go to any for a while, though.”

“I have no idea what we’re talking about,” Wind said cheerily, apparently completely unbothered by the fact. “We just boil some water, or take a dunk in the ocean if we’re really gross. Seems like a waste of freshwater, to just have it sitting around in a house.”

“I’ll explain in a bit,” Warriors sighed, “And one might say I have ample experience with bathhouses. Champion?”

Having a moment separate from the constant stream of people seemed to have done Wild some good, the teen emerging slightly from his hood as he considered.

“…Does it count if the answer is probably, but I don’t remember?” he asked hesitantly.

The captain gave a soft shake of his head, keeping his expression sympathetic. “In this case, I’m going to have to say no, unfortunately.”

“Hm.” He didn’t seem too shocked by that answer, his free hand coming up to tug on a lock of hair as he went back to thinking.

“…I’ve also been to hot springs,” he settled on after a bit, “And, uh…” He pursed his lips. “This is different from when inns have a bath attached, right?”

“They’re kind of similar, but tend to function a bit different,” Legend confirmed.

Wild nodded distractedly, eyes flicking to the grandiose building for a second. “The Gerudo Town inn had a spa plan?” he tried.

“Close enough,” Warriors decided. He mentally ran down the list of answers – not too bad a ratio, all things considered.

He could probably get away with just a brief explanation, and let context clues do most of the heavy lifting. Hopefully the differing cultural norms wouldn’t trip him up too badly this time.

Although, on that note…

“Alright,” the captain said, “I’ll give a quick rundown on what to expect. If there’s anything you guys feel is relevant, or that I’m missing, feel free to jump in – hopefully that way we should be able to get everyone on the same page. Sound good?”

He waited for the various nods and sounds of agreement to subside, mulling over how to start.

Taking something for granted your entire life did not, unfortunately, make one apt at actually summarising it. Not to mention that if there was one thing he’d had to learn quickly on this journey, it was that there was a thin line between condescension and under-explaining.

And that that line was entirely dependent on how forgiving the younger boys were feeling on any given day.

Warriors decided to get that issue out of the way sooner rather than later, summoning his best obnoxiously chipper energy to test the waters.

“Okay! Bathhouses!” he veritably chirped, clapping his hands together in an impression of six-in-the-fucking-morning Lana. “Otherwise known as the gods’ gift to us mere mortals, a holy place where one may shed the grime and veneer of everyday life and ascend-“

Right on cue, Wind, Hyrule and Legend gave matching groans.

“You said quick-“

“What does that even-“

“Would it kill you to drop the flowery bullshit for five seconds?”

And that answered that – the tone was apparently firmly set at ‘impatient’ today.

Warriors hid his satisfaction behind an affronted huff, making a show out of being put out by their protests.

“Well, if you’re going to be like that about it,” he sniffed.

Twilight looked caught between exasperation at his antics, and relief at how Wild had started quietly snickering along with Sky. Four and Time, for their parts, weren’t fooled for a second, just exchanging knowing smiles as the sailor begged him to ‘talk like a person’.

“Words have meaning, you can’t just say things all fancy and act like they make any sense-“

“Alright, fine, I’ll give the abridged version,” Warriors ‘relented’, obligingly reeling back the so-called flowery bullshit.

“Please,” Legend grit out shortly.

No appreciation for the art of the stage, this lot.

Still, as fun as teasing his companions was, he did genuinely want to get into the place sometime within the next hour, so serious face it was.

“So, as I was saying: bathhouses.” He resisted the urge to clap again. “They’re a public place where people can go to bathe – like Sky guessed – but also to socialise, to relax.”

The captain made a sweeping gesture in the vague direction of the building as he continued. “The size can vary from place to place, but generally there’s a basic bathing area, where you get most of the grime off, before a larger main area, where most of the baths and such are found.”

He thought for a moment. “There’s a small fee to use the bigger, communal area, but the first one is free – and mandatory, immediately dunking yourself in the shared baths without rinsing off is unhygienic. Not to mention incredibly rude.”

Hyrule raised his hand expectantly.

“Yes, Traveller?”

The teen lowered his free hand, the other one still being swung idly by Wind. Warriors didn’t bother telling the sailor that he could let go now, he seemed to be keeping himself entertained. “You said the initial wash up area is free?”

“Sure is. It’s good for if you’re in a hurry.”

Hyrule furrowed his brow, looking a touch confused. “I always had to pay to use either, back home.”

Huh. That was…

“How much?”

“Uh…” He thought for a moment. “Twenty rupees for the small area, and around a hundred for the big one?”

Hm.

Well, at least watching Legend have to physically hold himself back from telling the traveller that he was getting scammed was amusing.

“And it’s like that in every town?” Warriors tactfully asked.

Hyrule shrugged. “That’s around the cheapest, actually. There’s a reason I don’t go that often – but like I said, the water’s untainted and warm. ‘S a luxury, y’know?”

A luxury. Farore’s sagging golden tits, why did these people always say the most concerning shit so matter-of-factly?

Okay, no judgement. It was fine.

“Alright,” Warriors said delicately, looking at the others. “Is it like that for anyone else?”

“No,” Legend sighed, having managed to successfully wrangle his indignation into a distinctly resigned package, “It’s really not.”

“Same here,” Four said easily.

“They tried,” Twilight added with a sharp little smirk, “Joke’s on ‘em though, this hick can read.”

“I can’t say it’s ever been an issue, no,” Time hummed, throwing in an indulgent little shake of the head.

He was probably revelling over this not being his responsibility, the conniving bastard. No wonder he didn’t so much as blink at Warriors volunteering himself for cat-herding duty like some sort of fool.

“It hasn’t been for me, either!” Wind chimed in brightly.

“Yes, Sailor, we think you’re very funny,” Warriors said, unable to keep the hint of fondness out of his tone as he rolled his eyes. To his credit, Wind had managed to get a snort out of Sky. “Right then, it seems like odds are money shouldn’t be an issue.”

Hyrule stared at the surrounding faces, then at the steam still placidly wafting from the bathhouse.

“Are you telling me I could’ve washed off that like-like barf for free?” he asked incredulously.

“I mean, if you broke in, or discovered time travel, then sure,” Four said.

The traveller opened and closed his mouth a few times, seemingly stuck on what to say. Eventually he settled on a little huff, folding his arms – or at least attempting to. Wind still didn’t relinquish his hand, though, so he had to settle for just resting the other one on his hip.

“I just want it to be known that I’m going to be taking this one very personally,” he announced.

“Fair and understandable,” Warriors replied. Charging that much to use a basic public service, honestly.

Wild raised his hand slightly, following Hyrule’s lead of being uncharacteristically polite. “What do we… wear?”

“Good question,” the captain said with a nod. “Some people go full nude, others prefer to cover up a bit more. Outside clothes aren’t allowed in the water because, again, hygiene, but there should be undergarments provided by the bathhouse that are free to use if you so desire.”

Sky made a considering noise. “Is outside soap and stuff allowed?” he asked, raising his own hand almost as an afterthought.

“Yes, but there’s also some provided if needed. Anyone else?”

Wind stuck up a hand, subsequently dragging Hyrule’s along with it. “Do you just remember all this stuff off the top of your head?”

“Army,” Warriors said by way of explanation, “You get good at briefing, especially when you’ve got a bunch of people from different points in time. Which reminds me; ground rules.”

The younger boys didn’t make any complaints, but some of their faces did gain a long-suffering cast. Good thing he was going to make this quick.

Warriors took a moment to recall the old spiel he’d probably given a million times over the war, clearing his throat.

“No fighting, no pushing, no biting,” he rattled off, counting the points on his fingers. “Any gambling is to be kept reasonable and responsible, or will be confiscated. No inappropriate comments or behaviour, you will be kicked out and put on latrine duty. Absolutely no canoodling of any kind, you will be kicked out and put on latrine duty.”

Twilight grinned, raising his eyebrows. “Canoodling?” he drawled more than asked, distinctly amused.

Hyrule leaned over conspiratorially, arm still tethered to a dutiful Wind as his eyes glinted with familiar mischief. “He means se-“

“Be respectful of your compatriots and other patrons at all times,” Warriors steadfastly barrelled on, “Clean up after yourself, or else. Don’t use the baths if you’re sick. Drinking is strictly prohibited, be it alcohol, bathwater or shampoo – you get thirsty, you leave the bath and ask for some fresh water politely.”

“How many times did that have to happen to get included in the rules?” Sky asked.

“Once. The employees are not your servants, they are not entertainment, they are there to do their job. Harassing them in any way, shape or form will not only get you kicked out, but will also get you banned and answering to your commanding officer within the hour. Am I understood?”

Wild jolted to attention, hand coming up in something halfway to a salute before it was cut off due to the unexpected extra resistance. The champion looked down at where he and Wind’s hands were still clasped, something vaguely confused in his expression.

Whoops. That probably wasn’t a fantastic sign.

“I mean, did you guys get all that?” Warriors tried again, this time trying to keep his tone more on the casual side of things. These were his brothers, not an unruly platoon.

“Yes sir, no sir, three bags full sir,” Four said flatly, because he liked proving him wrong.

Legend rounded on him swiftly and without mercy. “Oh, so he gets to be ‘sir’-“

Time sighed, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. “Please don’t start this argument again,” he said tiredly.

Wild blinked, coming back to himself a bit more as the two blatantly ignored Time and picked up their bickering right where they left off.

“…What are they even fighting about?” he asked after a moment, utterly bewildered.

Twilight hissed through his teeth quietly, moving over to give the champion a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. “Dumb shit. You’re pretty out of it today, huh?”

Wild seemed to want to deny it, face twisting beneath his hood, but eventually had to accept defeat. “A little bit,” he admitted, “I’ll be fine, you don’t have to worry about me.”

Wind gave his hand a squeeze, and the champion shot him a lopsided smile, answering Hyrule’s thumbs-up with one of his own.

“Wars is literally a knight!” Four argued vehemently, and Warriors bit back the urge to sigh as well. Time gave him a vaguely accusing look, which, rude, this one wasn’t even technically his fault. “What, are you a knight?”

Legend didn’t seem to have an answer for that – just made a few irritated, half-formed gestures before settling on a hefty glower.

Great.

Sky cleared his throat, because he was an angelic being with a sixth sense for when an argument was about to take a turn for the genuine.

“Are you guys done being annoying yet?” he asked, apparently having decided that tact, however, was too far above his pay grade. “I feel gross. I would like to stop feeling gross.”

“He started it!” Both boys snapped simultaneously, only to aim twin glares of betrayal at each other.

Toddlers with swords. Fucking hell.

“Alright then!” Warriors cut in, forcibly cheery, “Congratulations, map boy, you’re being demoted to regular boy.”

He deftly plucked the scrap of paper out of Legend’s fingers, passing it off to Twilight-

(“All hail the new map boy,” Wind murmured softly, testing the waters.

The rancher gave him an unimpressed look, tucking the map into a pocket. “I’m not playin’ this game.”)

-And ignoring the veteran’s indignant squawk.

“Wh- hey!”

“Sorry, Vet,” the captain said, not sorry in the slightest, “You got too ambitious. Tried reaching above your station without establishing a prior sense of camaraderie. You know how it is.”

Legend’s face held the deep-seated promise of an insect-laden bedroll in Warriors’ near future. He made an absent note to check his belongings very thoroughly over the next few days.

“I thought you said he was a map man now,” Four muttered.

“Oh, would you look at that, double demotion. How the mighty fall and all that,” Warriors said dismissively. “On that note, Smithy, I’m going to need you to stop enabling each other. If I have to separate you two it’ll just be demeaning for everyone involved.”

Four look affronted on sheer principle. “You’re the one who started this whole thing in the first place!”

Sometimes he missed being around people who knew better than to talk back. “And now I’m finishing it. You really think I’m bluffing? I will make you hold the Sailor’s hand for the rest of the day.”

Hyrule started, looking down at his still-occupied hand with a new light. “Hey, wait a second-“

“I’m doing this out of the goodness of my heart, you asshole!” Wind cried, keeping his grip on the two even as he scowled at the captain accusingly. “Don’t use me as a threat!”

Twilight, for his part, crumpled into laughter, apparently tickled pink by this new revelation as Time hid a conspicuous cough behind his hand.

Wild tugged his hand experimentally. “Did you seriously leash us?”

“Of course not,” Warriors soothed, only lying a little. “We just didn’t want to lose you, you seemed a tad spacey earlier.”

“And me?” Hyrule asked.

“Collateral damage.”

“I was being nice,” the sailor hissed.

“And I appreciate it, truly,” Warriors said, flashing a warm smile. “You did good, kid.”

It had the intended effect, Wind winding down from the indignant tizzy he’d worked himself into – although he did still regard the captain with an open suspicion, which was probably to be expected.

Hyrule subtly tried to pry himself free. It didn’t work.

“I can’t believe you’re threatening the Smithy with babysitting duty,” Legend snickered to himself, apparently having gotten over the indignity of being stripped of his title.

Warriors gave him a look. “You seem to be under the impression that you’re not included in that.”

“He’s not the one who’s stuck doing the babysitting, anyway,” Wind muttered mutinously, earning himself a chorus of offended outcries from four people in one fell swoop.

The bathhouse was right there. They were so close to their destination, he could quite literally smell it on the wind. They could’ve wrapped this up like five minutes ago, but instead here they were; a quarter of the way to an outright brawl in the town square because none of these people could stand not having the last word.

Of course Time and Twilight seemed to having a delightful time, whispering to each other like fucking school children instead of actually helping.

Was this karma? This felt like karma. How was Warriors supposed to know that one offhand nickname would lead to this shit?

He aimed a vaguely pleading look in their direction, only to get one of Time’s stupid dopey fond grins in return; firmly solidifying that yes, he found it funny, and no, he was not helping.

The captain entertained a brief but immensely satisfying fantasy of tripping that face directly into a pile of horse shit.

Maybe he could drop Twilight in too. See who’d be laughing then.

Warriors basked in the warm glow of that mental image for a few moments longer, then emerged to find Sky making direct eye contact with a blankly unimpressed face.

There was a distinct something in his gaze that promised countless atrocities if he was kept from entering the baths a moment longer – which could either mean he was leaving without them, or that the town was going to be razed to the ground within the hour. Either way, not ideal.

That was all the warning Warriors was granted before the sky knight raised his fingers to his lips, took a breath, and let out an ear-piercing whistle, effectively cutting off the five-way bickering match with all the ruthless efficiency of a hunter gutting a rabbit.

Damn. Sky had to teach him that trick.

Then again, it was loud enough that bustle of the plaza lulled for a moment as presumably half the town wondered what the fuck that just was, so maybe not.

The activity thankfully picked back up after a few seconds, proving that small mercies did indeed exist. In contrast, the younger boys remained frozen in place, some mid-gesture, staring at Sky with wide eyes.

Wind still had a firm grip on Wild and Hyrule’s hands. Warriors firmly bit back the bubble of bewildered laughter that rose in his throat, refusing to prove Time and Twilight right – he was still miffed at them, dammit.

Still, the kid’s dedication to his task had to be admired. As did his grip strength; Hyrule looked almost ready to gnaw a limb off.

Sky stared the others down for a long moment, just to really let them sweat.

“I,” he said again, clearly enunciating every word, “Feel gross. I would like to stop. Feeling gross.”

The ‘so shut the fuck up’ wasn’t said, but was so heavily implied that it may as well been shouted from the rooftops.

That settled it, Sky was Warriors’ favourite today. The dawning realisation on the boys’ faces as they registered the statement as the thinly-veiled warning it was almost made the entire ordeal worth it.

“…Sorry, Sky,” Legend muttered, once more proving that he was the only one with a half-functional sense of self-preservation. The others were quick to catch on, tagging on with sheepish apologies of their own.

The Skyloftian looked them up and down, considering, then graciously accepted the apology with a still-vaguely-disapproving hum.

Four actually winced, this was fantastic.

Warriors took that as his cue, stepping forward and shooting Sky his most grateful look. The other replied with just the barest raise of an eyebrow; which, all right, hurrying this along then.

“Right then, if we’ve gotten all that out of our systems,” Warriors said smoothly, like he hadn’t had to be bailed out by Sky’s fraying patience, “Did any of you actually hear the rules?”

“Don’t be a dick, be nice to the employees,” Legend dryly recited.

“Don’t drink the bathwater,” Hyrule tacked on.

“Something about gambling?” Wind tried.

Good enough.

“That’s the general gist,” Warriors said with an airy gesture, “I’ll take it.”

He made another, more subtle gesture; Wind stuck out his tongue, successfully rendering all attempts to not make it obvious obsolete, but still obligingly released his companions.

Hyrule was quick to take his hand back, making use of his newfound freedom to put some distance between him and the sailor before he could be contained again. He made a point to fix Warriors with a cow-eyed look of wounded betrayal, balefully rubbing his wrist for good measure – not because he was injured in any way, shape, or form, but because he was a melodramatic little shit and fully knew it.

Four nudged him, concerned, only to promptly get the look turned full-force onto him instead – ‘Roolie’s expression cracking for just a second when the smithy barely managed to hold back a shocked snort.

Wild, on the other hand, took a moment to slowly flex his fingers, expression considering. He then casually slotted his hand back into Wind’s with a quiet hum.

The sailor didn’t protest, just adjusted his grip to be more comfortable and went right back to swinging.

Aw. Well that was just sweet.

There unfortunately had to be a time and place for teasing, though, and they’d been sidetracked enough today.

Just in case, the captain gave Twilight a warning look – if he delayed them by another ten minutes with some smartass remark, Warriors would murder him himself.

The rancher raised his hands defensively, rolling his eyes for good measure. Yeah, that’s what he thought.

He was so glad that Sky was purely focused on washing up at the moment, because otherwise there would be no hope of keeping him from cooing as obnoxiously as possible and setting at least three people off again.

“Alright!” Warriors said brightly, in a tone that brooked no argument, “If there’s any other questions, just rely on context clues, because we are getting a move on!”

He ushered them along, feeling rather like a herding dog. “Chop-chop, it’s bath time!”

Once they were all moving he fell into step beside Time, letting the mask drop as his dragged a hand over his face.

“It’s a wonder these people get anything done, honestly,” he muttered.

The old man smirked, glancing at him as they walked. “Can’t say I’ve heard the shampoo rule before.”

Warriors let out a bone-deep sigh. “Ric liked to think he was funny,” he said, before glaring through his fingers at the other. “Thanks for the help, by the way.”

“You seemed to have it handled,” was the mild answer, which was Time-speak for ‘if you insist on making stupid beds then you can lie in them your own damn self’.

Gods, he was so annoying when he trotted that fae streak of his out.

Warriors didn’t grace that with a reply – just pulled a face and picked up a little speed to lead them (finally) into the thrice-damned building.

The inside was just as impressive as the outside, polished stones lining the floor as they stepped through the open entryway. It managed to invoke a sense of grandeur without being overbearing, simple pillars tucked out of the way to make the place seem airy and open.

Never had the faint mugginess of steam been such a relief.

There were a few signs on the walls, probably containing information for those who could understand them – whose dialect even was that? Four’s? – but he ignored them in favour of the friendly-looking person manning the front.

To their credit, they didn’t even skip a beat at having a group of nine walk in during the slowest part of the day, just offered a sunny smile.

“Welcome! I don’t recognise those faces, you folks travellers?”

“Sure are,” Warriors said, returning the smile with one of his own. He leaned on the counter they were behind casually, noting the white sash they had tied around their waist. “We were just looking to have a good scrub – no point dragging in half the forest with us, y’know?”

They gave a laugh, red curls bouncing. “Well, you’ve certainly come to the right place! We’ll get you sorted out in no time.”

They reached under the desk, pulling out a tidy book. “You fellas on a time limit, or do you want to use our big baths?”

“The big baths would be wonderful,” the captain said warmly.

“Great!” They flipped to a new page, scribbling something down. “We’ve got a communal area, or a few more private areas, if you want it to just be your group. Any preference?”

Ooh, fancy. No one seemed like they particularly minded either way, though, so there really wasn’t much of a point.

“Communal’s fine, thank you.”

“Alright, not a problem.” They wrote something else down, then looked back up.

“Just as a heads up, we do have a small fee for the bigger areas, just to help us cover costs – does five rupees apiece sound okay?”

“No problem,” Warriors assured, reaching for his purse. A glance behind him told him that yep, Hyrule looked utterly gobsmacked. He pulled out a purple rupee and slid it over with a charming smile.

“Keep the change.”

“A whole five extra rupees,” Legend snarked behind him, hushed voice achieving exactly nothing, “We’re really breaking the bank with this one, boys.”

Warriors held back the urge to sigh, even as the employee accepted the rupee with a snicker.

Just once, he wanted to be able to make a good impression without being sabotaged. Just once. That was all he asked.

“Alright, we’re all set!” the employee chirped, tucking the rupee out of the way. “Also, just so you know, we offer an additional service of washing patron’s clothes while they bathe; it’s just an additional twenty rupees each, if you’re interested?”

Oh, right, he forgot how larger bathhouses tended to have extra services available. Laundry was a common one, as was proper spa plans.

It was admittedly very amusing how many of his companions blanched at the concept of someone touching their clothes, unsupervised. Warriors hummed, pretending to consider it before he shook his head.

“No, thank you, we’ll be alright,” he said decisively, “Tomorrow’s a laundry day-“

(“It is?” Sky asked quietly.

Twilight shrugged. “Is now.”

That’s the spirit.)

“-So we may as well get them all done at once.”

“That’s perfectly fine, just figured I’d check,” the employee said easily. They spun the book around, placing the pen on top and tapping the space next to what they’d written.

“Just need you all to sign yourselves in, please.”

Warriors picked up the pen, neatly writing ‘Link’ and stepping aside for the next person. The employee didn’t so much as blink at the clearly unfamiliar language, what a trooper.

He took the opportunity to look around as he waited, watching as another white-sashed employee ducked between doorways, arms laden with fresh towels. Laundry was through there, then.

He absently wondered if there was a map.

“Is that everyone?” The red-headed employee asked, drawing Warriors back into focus. He checked the page, counted nine names, and gave a nod.

“Looks like it.”

“Great!” They took the book and pen back, snapping it shut and placing it to the side. “Please remember to sign back out when you’re all ready to leave – don’t worry about rushing yourselves, though, we don’t get many people this time of day.”

They tucked a curl behind their ear, only for it to obstinately spring back into place.

“Bathrooms are to the left, if needed,” they said, gesturing as they talked, “And to get to the baths, just go through the first door on the right. Make sure you use the first bathing area to rinse off first, and feel free to use any of the garments provided – there should be a few places for you guys to stow your belongings, or you can bring them in with you, provided they stay out of the water and are kept neat.”

They thought for a second. “Oh, right; I will warn that there are several rinsing areas you can use, but the biggest one is unfortunately closed for cleaning right now – there should be two other ones available, just be aware that they’re made for one person at a time.”

“That shouldn’t be a problem,” Warriors reassured.

They smiled at him, then lifted the end of the sash to show everyone. “If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to ask anyone wearing a sash like this, we’re more than happy to help.”

The employee gave one last grin, all bright and welcoming.

“And I hope you all enjoy yourselves!”

Chapter Text

Warriors wondered if he’d be allowed to live here.

Sure, food would be a bit of an issue, but who needed that when you had the glory that was heated water.

He let himself stand under the steady stream of water for a few moments longer, eyes closed against the cascade running down his face.

Bliss. Never before had he felt such kinship with a frog in the rain.

It was with no small amount of reluctance that he stepped out from under the waterfall, swiping his sodden hair out of the way with one hand and clearing his eyes with the other. Right, he was here for a reason. Focus.

He reached for a fresh washcloth from the small stack waiting by the edge – snagging a pinch of soap flakes as he went – dunked it in the water, then rubbed the flakes in until a serviceable lather formed.

Warriors had his own soap, of course, but it could wait until he could take long enough to actually appreciate the stuff. For now, the plain flakes provided would suffice just fine for scrubbing off the surface level grime of travel.

And scrub he did; the fine layer of accumulated dust, sweat, and dirt was exhumed with little fanfare and a sizeable amount of satisfaction.

Gods, he had needed this.

He ducked under the water again to rinse off the suds, wondering idly whether the others had come to a decision on what order they were going in yet.

They had at least started the process, last he was aware, the younger boys having launched into a fast-paced and rather vicious rock-paper-scissors match that had somehow resulted in Warriors and Time winning – which was strange, given that neither of them had been playing in the first place.

Twilight had advised them to not question it, and to just take the victory before the boys changed their minds.

Never let it be said that they needed to be told twice.

Still, going first meant that they had a duty to not hold up the line, so Warriors was trying his best to keep it brief. Which meant that washing his hair could wait; no matter, since he’d wanted to use his proper shampoos anyway.

One quick duck of his face into his hands for a final cursory scrub, and that was a solid ‘good enough’, in his books.

Warriors stepped out from under the flow, taking a moment to skim the excess water off his skin and squeeze out his hair. He sloshed through the shallow basin to the edge, wringing out the washcloth as he went.

He had to admit, if this was the size of the private wash area, he kind of wanted to see just how big the communal one was. He shook the water off his feet as he stepped out carefully, wary of slipping.

Maybe he’d be able to poke his head into the other area before they left. Hopefully it’d be reopened by then.

The tiles rimming the bathing area were cool under his bare feet, even with the muggy warmth of the steam curling around the room. The captain took a second to stretch out his spine with a languid yawn, basking in the ambient temperature.

Maybe he could just post up in the corner and wait to see how long it’d take anyone to notice. Make a nest out of towels. Take a ten-year-long catnap.

The idea was far more tempting than it probably should’ve been.

Warriors let out an only slightly begrudging sigh, opening his eyes and straightening up with a little shake to get himself back on track.

The far wall from where he’d entered was taken up by a sizeable set of shelves, stocked with a variety of pristine cloths – a few spare stacks of washcloths, an assortment of neatly folded pieces of fabric in an array of shapes and sizes, and an entire shelf of fluffy white towels.

He extracted a towel from a pile – oh, it was soft – and wrapped it around his shoulders as he cast his eyes around for where the used washcloth still in his hands should go. He didn’t want to leave it on the floor, so surely-

Aha. There was a large basket next to the door out to the communal baths. He peered inside hopefully, only to find it empty.

Hm.

There was a brief sign on the wall just above it, which he, again, couldn’t read, but the arrow pointing down at the hamper was promising.

He decided to take a chance and tossed the washcloth in. Hopefully it wouldn’t turn out to be too much of an inconvenience if he was wrong.

Hands freed, Warriors dried himself off properly, his hair getting a quick tousle that he was sure left it in a right state. But if it kept him from dripping water everywhere, he’d tolerate any snarls he’s inevitably find later.

The captain wrapped the towel around his waist as he went to examine the other shelf – if he was correct, it should hold…

Perfect; a selection of undergarments, in a wide range of cuts and sizes – all a neutral white, of course. There were even some longer strips of cloth that could be styled based on preference, a small pile of cards containing diagrams that demonstrated a few easy ways to wrap them.

Warriors chose a simple pair of shorts, wrapping a strip of fabric into another, looser pair over the top for some extra modesty. Lovely.

He considered a simple top, but ultimately decided against it with a shrug – they’d all seen how many scars each other had, after all. What were a few more.

The towel was balled up and chucked into the basket on his way past as the captain went to go collect his belongings. Habit had him casting one last eye over the room as he scooped the items up, taking stock.

Nothing left behind, nothing piled on the floor; he tucked his clothes, both fresh and used, under an arm with a satisfied hum, boots hanging from the other hand.

Alright then, all done.

Warriors padded back to the exit, juggling his belongings for a second until he had a hand free to unlatch and slide open the door. There was a faint grinding click as he did so, some hidden mechanism unlocking the entrance for whoever was next.

Whether they were ready or not was their problem. He had a date with steaming water and scented soaps.

One quick stroll down the hallway, lightly humming a half-remembered tune, and Warriors finally emerged out into the main bathing area.

Oh, wow.

He’d been privately admiring the design of the corridor he was just in, a very tasteful mosaic design running the length of the walls between simple but effective lamps, but this blew it out of the water. Pun not intended.

Natural light poured in through the glass skylight installed into the ceiling, glowing fractals illuminating the massive atrium in a way that could almost make one forget that the space was enclosed. It almost looked like a courtyard, with the way there were lush plants scattered throughout, but the persistent haze of steam in the air served as a reminder as to what the entire purpose of the building was:

The baths.

Large pools, varying wildly in shape and size, were built all throughout the area – some were indented into the floor, water casting dappled shadows back at the roof, whilst others were contained within raised walls and fed by strategically placed waterfalls pouring from unseen mechanisms.

Shallow, deep, saltwater, freshwater, opaque with dried herbs floating on top; it seemed there was something for everyone. Warriors even spotted a shallow basin built into the floor that was filled with sand and volcanic rocks, something he’d seen a few Gorons use before to dislodge anything caught in their shell before they settled into the hottest baths available.

(Darunia claimed it was exfoliating. Warriors was sure it was, but he’d had no interest in giving it a try, even before Ruto had started incessantly snickering.)

…Was that one in the centre a fountain or another bath?

The colourful tiles decorating it gave no indication either way, given that the entire room was one giant piece of art. The smooth tiles beneath his feet were interspersed with delicate mosaics of glass and ceramic, patterns trailing up the walls and pillars and rimming every pool with a burst of colour.

Well. Consider Warriors thoroughly charmed.

He could only imagine what the place would look like in the evenings, bustling with activity and lit by the various lamps built into the walls. It must be quite the sight to behold.

Not that it was currently lifeless, by any means. White-sashed workers ducked in and out of various doorways – ferrying freshly laundered towels, scrubbing out an empty bath, mopping floors, all focused on steadily completing their own tasks.

It took a lot of effort to keep a place like this functional, after all.

Warriors turned to one of the shelves of cubbies lining the walls closest to him, stowing his items next to…

Oh, Time was already out.

He quickly scanned the baths again, this time without being distracted by the glamour. There, close to the centre of the room; a large pool, easily big enough for nine and then some, with Time’s blonde head poking up from along one of the edges.

Already enjoying the scant few moments of peace before the rest of the boys barged in, no doubt. Smart man.

Warriors started making his way over, threading between baths as he idly swung his toiletry pouch from the soft cord looped around his wrist.

The pool’s shape was interesting, now that he was closer. Almost like two large circles overlapping – one relatively shallow, ringed by an underwater ledge, the other deeper – with a gradual slope linking the two areas together.

A tad blob-like, but got the job done, in the end. There was even yet another mosaic glinting at the bottom of the deep end, the boldly coloured shapes arranged into a circular pattern under the water.

Very nice. Time had chosen well.

The man in question looked up as he approached, blinking an eye at him languidly and looking very self-satisfied.

“Hello,” he greeted, ever gracious.

“Hi,” Warriors replied, an amused grin already tugging at his lips. “You seem to be enjoying yourself.”

Time gave a content hum, the sound taking on a distinct smug lilt as he wriggled a smidge deeper into the water like a sleepy little newt.

“Water’s nice.”

Warriors let out a half-snort at the overly simple response; bit of an understatement, coming from the man who seemed to be doing everything in his power to turn into a puddle.

“Really? Couldn’t tell,” he drawled, hand propped on a hip and eyebrow raised.

Time somehow managed to melt even further into the water in response, as if to say ‘look at how warm and cozy I am and you’re not’. He even threw in a pointed yawn, just to really rub it in.

“…Do you even have bones?” Warriors asked, mildly impressed despite himself, “I’m beginning to feel I could scoop you up in a bucket. Pour you into a bottle.”

He got another vague hum in response, Time ignoring the rhetorical question in favour of a decisive “I live here now.”

That got a proper snort out of the captain, grin widening as he shook his head.

“Too late, I’ve already made plans to hole up in the walls,” he said, letting the cord of the pouch fall as he gently placed it by the bath’s edge. “Maybe we can be roommates. Though we’d have to negotiate territory borders – how willing are you to let me use these baths?”

Time’s eye fell shut as he leaned his head back. “I’ll drown you in your sleep,” he said pleasantly.

A bark of a laugh burst past Warriors’ lips.

“Honestly, it’s a wonder your Zelda didn’t make you a diplomat,” he teased, “You clearly have a gift for it that so few possess.”

He carefully stepped into the water, mindful of slipping on the submerged ledge.

“You’re being wasted on swinging that ridiculous claymore around,” he continued blithely, “You belong in a drab meeting room, navigating a delicate political situation with all the grace your talent begets.”

Time’s eye opened again to squint at him. “Hey now.”

“Maybe you could even be an ambassador,” Warriors said thoughtfully, barely managing to maintain a straight face when Time somehow managed to look even more blatantly appalled at the mere concept.

“…I actually think I’ve had a nightmare that was something along those lines, once.”

“Imagine you in an embassy,” the captain barrelled on, grandiosely brushing past the other’s mildly horrified contemplation as he lowered himself further into the bath, “Spending your life behind a desk, poring over foreign communications day in, day o- ohh that’s nice.”

He settled into the water fully, feeling the heat seep into his bones as he thoroughly lost his train of thought. All he cared about was the aches of travel finally being soothed, practically going limp in his relief as his twinging spine and overwrought ankles were swaddled in a sheer, blissful warmth.

“Told you,” Time said, smug tone returning once more.

Warriors vaguely flapped a hand in his direction. “Hush. I’m having a religious experience over here.”

Din and Nayru, if they could hear him; solid job on the existence of hot water. Huge fan. Kudos on the teamwork.

He let himself drift for a few moments longer, just basking in the feeling of every little stress and persistent soreness being gently quieted. His breathing steadily slowed of its own accord, pure, boneless peace washing over him with every passing second.

The captain cracked his eyes open after a bit, muzzily staring up at the skylight above.

“You can drown me all you want,” he decided, a sleepy cast over his tone, “At least I’ll die happy.”

Somewhere to his side, Time chuckled fondly.

“Tempting,” he said, “But on second thought, I think I’ll be willing to accept a truce. How about unlimited access to the baths in return for a constant supply of fresh towels?”

A slow, sly smirk crept over Warriors’ face.

“My good man,” he half-crooned, blindly pulling a hand from the water to extend in the other’s vague direction, “You’ve got yourself a deal.”

Time’s hand clasped his own in what was probably the laziest, most stunningly lacklustre, dripping wet handshake of either of their lives.

“I’ll take over the laundry room,” Warriors said, continuing the languid shake, “Control the flow of supply.”

Time hummed agreeably. “We’ll rule this bathhouse with an iron fist.”

They kept going, neither willing to break their already loose grip first despite how the handshake steadily dragged on well past the point of ridiculousness.

“…Do you reckon they can hear us?” Warriors asked after a few seconds.

A quiet titter of laughter from across the atrium reached his ears, answering that question rather succinctly – a glance to the source showed it to be where a small cluster of the workers were still scrubbing out empty baths, exchanging buckets and poorly hiding smiles.

Time huffed out a snicker, finally taking his hand back. “I think we may have been found out.”

“Whoops,” Warriors said, rather unconvincing in his feigned dismay. He straightened up a little, throwing a half-salute and a grin to the hard-working employees.

“Don’t mind us! You all are wonderful!”

There was another faint ripple of laughter at his call. One of the white-sashed figures poked their head over the rim of the basin and waved back with a brush.

“We’re not here!”

The captain exchanged his salute for a thumbs-up. “Got it! You’re doing great!”

He turned back to a plainly amused Time, not bothering to lower his voice as he conspiratorially leaned in.

“We speak in code from now on.”

The other’s snort was echoed by some distant matching ones that Warriors pretended not to hear.

“I see your goal to charm everyone you meet is still going strong,” Time teased lightly.

Warriors rolled his eyes, smile tugging at his lips. “I really don’t know why you lot insist that’s a thing,” he replied, sitting back, “I’m just being nice to people. No ulterior motive.”

The older man yawned, still happily slumped back against the bath’s edge and evidently making no plans on moving anytime soon.

“I think the current theory the boys were passing around had something to do with you ‘needing attention to maintain your good looks’,” he mused, smirking as the captain gave an exaggerated gasp – more baffled than truly affronted.

“They think I’m sucking away people’s life force in the name of clear skin?”

Time shrugged a shoulder. “Hyrule’s reasoning was more plant-like, actually. According to him, it’s like sunlight – you need a steady stream or you’ll wither up and die.”

His eye cracked back open, mischief sparking as he reached over to poke a warm finger against his cheek.

“I’m a little inclined to believe that one, actually.”

Warriors swatted the hand away, poorly feigned offence cracking as he laughed. “You’re all unbearable. I should run away and join a travelling minstrel group.”

Time’s smirk grew into a proper grin.

“You’d fit right in,” he agreed kindly, before half-heartedly deflecting the retaliatory splash of water with a laugh of his own. “Easy now – I thought we had a truce?”

“Truces are for people who don’t think I’m smiling at strangers to retain my fucking bone structure,” Warriors accused, straight face still woefully unable to take the utter insanity of that theory even somewhat seriously.

Honestly, it’s like they were somehow blind to him carefully covering up blemishes and lining his eyes whenever he needed the extra layer of security. It wasn’t like he was being subtle about it.

He hadn’t even bothered sneaking off over the past few months, just propping his mirror against his knee and strewing his supplies around his bedroll – hunched over in some ridiculous tangle of limbs, focus half on keeping his strokes steady, half on idly sniping back at whatever round of casual bickering a bleary-eyed Legend had started this time.

Time yawned again, smacking his lips slightly as he shifted his position to something more comfortable.

“I’m pretty sure Legend’s still convinced you’re forming some cross-dimensional army of adoring fans,” he supplied, some mockery of reassurance in his tone.

“He knows full well that there are far easier ways to do that,” Warriors rebutted easily, biting back a yawn of his own. He gave a languid stretch, feeling the pleasant pull in his muscles, then relaxed again with a sigh.

“It’s nice, you know?” he admitted after a moment, “Just being able to…”

He waved a vague hand through the air.

“…Talk to people. Have fun with it, make new acquaintances and not worry about any prior expectation or opinions, about living up to some pre-established standard.”

The captain shrugged, watching the person who’d waved to him as they climbed out of the hollow basin – perching on the edge to haul up the used bucket passed to them. They exchanged it for a fresh one, mouth moving with some inaudible words, before they clambered to their feet and trotted off to go dispose of the sullied water.

“I’m no one special, here,” he said, quieter than he intended, “Just another face in the crowd. It’s almost… freeing, in a way.”

Warriors shook himself out of his rumination after a second, turning back to Time with a rueful smile. “Apologies – I suppose that’s rather selfish of me, isn’t it?”

Time gave him a soft look, something so innately understanding in his expression that the captain instinctively averted his gaze to some random plant with more than a little self-consciousness.

“Not at all,” the other assured, charitably not mentioning the faint flush that slowly dusted his cheeks. “In fact, I’m sure most of our little party would agree with you – travelling like this certainly helps to remind us why it is we do what we do.”

Warriors’ smile turned a bit more genuine. “Because we’re all a bunch of nosy meddlers, physically incapable of leaving well enough alone?”

Time huffed out a laugh.

“I was going to say something about valuing helping others over recognition,” he said, “But that does summarise it fairly succinctly, I have to admit.”

He looked back at the doorway they’d come through, eye fond.

“They’re good lads.”

Warriors snickered again, throwing the man a knowing grin. “Bet you’ll be singing a different tune when they all come tumbling in, ready to descend into utter chaos.”

Time pulled a face, making some unintelligible grumble at the rapidly encroaching likelihood of this serenity being shattered, before he gave a hefty sigh of resignation.

“Don’t remind me,” he muttered, settling back down. “With any luck, they’ll actually take the opportunity to relax.”

Warriors reached over to clap his shoulder in solidarity.

“You and I both know that’s not gonna happen,” he said brightly, “Just enjoy the peace while you still can.”

He paused, then glanced back at the entrance as well. “If anything, I’m a little shocked it’s lasted as long as it has – what are the odds they ended up killing each other over a game of rock-paper-scissors?”

One of Time’s hands emerged from the water to wiggle in a ‘fifty-fifty’ gesture, the accompanying expression thoroughly unbothered.

“Yeah, that seems about right,” Warriors hummed. “Oh well. Gift horses and all that.”

Time’s face broke into an amused smile. “That’s the spirit.”

He gave another yawn, stretching out slightly before he slumped bonelessly against the edge – the very picture of relaxed satisfaction.

“They’ll show up eventually,” the other half-shrugged, “They can sort themselves out.”

Well, who was he to argue with that.

Warriors followed his lead and sunk further into the steaming water with a deep sigh, revelling in how the tenseness in his muscles had already started loosening up.

Glorious.

If there was one thing he’d learned from the War across Eras, it was that hot water was a blessing from the Goddesses – perhaps even on par with the Triforce itself.

Admittedly, it was a worldview partially borne from how anything above ‘the very cusp of lukewarm’ ended up being something of a luxury, in the army camps.

The captain rested his head against the tiled edge, happy to just bask.

Hell, even just boiling water had been hard to come by in any significant quantity. The few battered kettles they had they could only do so much, whatever there was generally being either sequestered to the medical tents – where it could be used to sterilise instruments and clean wounds – or used to make the frankly atrocious tea that they all drank religiously on the longer nights.

But any more than a pot or two? Yeesh.

It just took too much time and effort to indulge in such creature comforts – when it came to all the things hot water was needed for, bathing had been somewhere close to the bottom of the priority list.

And for good reason; heating the amount needed for even one bath in any reasonable amount of time was… unrealistic, one might say. Let alone for an entire battalion.

Not to mention the logistics of collecting all that water, only to dispose of it a few hours later, countless times over the course of the campaign…

No. It simply hadn’t been feasible.

It’d been a big enough pain in the ass the few times they’d had to resort to boiling an entire army’s worth of drinking water just to get it within the realm of potable, when the purifying enchantment on the standard-issue canteens hadn’t been enough on their own; they would’ve had to been out of their minds to unnecessarily give themselves even more work.

Soft little privileges were always the first to fall to the wayside, in times of war.

Unless one was willing to spend their precious downtime hauling buckets of water back and forth, warm baths were for the sick; and even then, that was only when the medics could manage it.

It had been a, although mildly disheartening, purely understandable sacrifice – but it had subsequently meant that the rest of them either got a nearby river, if they were lucky, or a bucket and a rag if they weren’t.

(Several of the soldiers had tried scrounging up enough water to at least let Zelda have a warm bath; but after spending up until then getting the bucket-and-rag treatment as Sheik, she had staunchly refused to be treated any differently to the rest of them – much to Impa’s never-ending chagrin.)

With those factors combined, the end results had been that any town they ended up in with a functional bathhouse generally got swarmed, often with the whole day collectively dedicated to scrubbing off the accumulated grime.

(Warriors, Impa, and a good few of the other captains often bathed after everyone else was done, as they generally had spent the day keeping an eye out to make sure the soldiers were all behaving their damn selves.

Warriors didn’t care what anyone said, those poor employees were the real heroes of the campaign.)

He allowed himself to soak for a few more blissful minutes, drinking in the warmth like a plant in sunlight. There was the faint urge to get started on his routine, sleepily shifting somewhere in the back of his mind, but it wasn’t like they had anywhere else to be. He could take his time.

“Oh, good,” Time’s voice filtered in, distinctly bemused at something, “That’s at least two still alive.”

Warriors obligingly flopped his head to the side, cracking open bleary eyes to squint at the entrance with as little movement possible.

Sure enough, Hyrule and Four had (finally) emerged from the washrooms, freshly damp and promisingly non-throttled as they took their turns depositing their stuff in the cubbies and openly gawking at the décor.

“Well, would you look at that,” the captain hummed, begrudgingly dragging himself more upright to sit properly. He managed to catch the boys’ attention after a second, waving them over with a slyly drawled, “There’s hope for us yet.”

Four waved back, happily oblivious to Time’s quiet snicker, and started trotting over with a nudge to a thoroughly distracted Hyrule’s side. The traveller started following after a second, albeit significantly slower – he was too busy drinking in as much of the sunlit atrium as he could, eyes wide, like it would disappear the second he looked away.

Four was generous enough to course-correct his companion’s weaving steps slightly to the right, saving the teen from taking a premature dunk into one of the other pools.

Hyrule, bless him, didn’t appear to have noticed his close call. He instead was preoccupied with looking from wall to wall with a disbelieving grin, seemingly enamoured with the size of the place.

The smithy absently tugged him by the arm, steering him to the left this time. He then seemed to decide that he had reached the extent of his good deeds for the day, barely waiting to make sure ‘Roolie had cleared the threatening dropoff before promptly ditching him to beeline over to Time and Warriors.

“Did you know that you can cheat at rock-paper-scissors?” he started conversationally, in lieu of any typical greeting. “Because I didn’t. Turns out it just takes having the sheer audacity.”

“Is that what took you boys so long?” Time asked mildly, over Warriors’ half-choked bark of bewildered laughter. 

Four gave them a sharp little grin. “Wind tried pulling out a ‘Triforce’,” he replied, eyes bright with equal parts mirth and vindictiveness, “And refused to back down on whether or not it counted as a valid move.”

Warriors let out a strained, nearly silent wheeze, something about the mere concept tickling him to no end. 

“Wh- How does that even- What does that even look like?”

Four’s grin only grew, and he obligingly lifted both hands to demonstrate. It took a few seconds, his fingers not cooperating with the unwieldy shape, but he eventually managed to proudly present something that – if one squinted and tilted their head just so – could potentially be interpreted as a gloriously slapdash approximation of the Golden Triangles themselves. 

“Apparently it automatically wins over everything, ever,” the smithy gleefully informed them over Time’s amused snort. 

Warriors rolled his eyes fondly, unable to fully stifle his laughter. 

“That kid’s gonna be the death of me, I swear,” he half-sighed, half-chuckled. “And that flawless tactic didn’t work, I can only presume?”

Four lowered his hands, shaking them out slightly as he flexed his fingers. “He got sent straight to the bottom of the pile for even trying to pull that mess,” he confirmed, with only a touch of vicious sweetness. 

“Yeah, seems about right.”

Warriors took the opportunity to take a quick glance at where Hyrule was still taking his sweet time heading over. The boy hadn’t up and cracked his head the second they looked away, happily, but he had slowed to a snail’s crawl – spinning in leisurely circles, like he couldn’t decide what to devote his attention to. 

Well. At least he seemed to be having fun. 

The captain looked back in time to catch Four primly stepping into the bath, wasting no time in plopping himself down on the ledge. 

“We did maybe end up get a little distracted discussing variations of the game,” the smithy admitted, twisting around so he could rest his forearms on the pool’s rim. “Wind says a common one in his era is ‘power-wisdom-courage’, with these little carved effigies rather than hand symbols.”

He gave them a quirk of a knowing smile. “One with a sword, one with their hands clasped, and a beast.”

“Cute,” Warriors cooed, as Time got one of his faint, strange looks. 

The man was quick to shake it off, though – they’d all learned to brush past the mild existential dread relatively early into their journey, a skill that tended to see more practice than any of them generally wanted to acknowledge. 

“Apparently the Vet has a similar game at home – although they couldn’t agree on which beat what,” Four continued blithely, “Legend was very insistent that the ‘literal, actual Triforce’ was not one of the options, though.”

Time hummed to himself, a small smile of his own on his lips. “I knew someone growing up who liked to pull similar tactics,” he said, something undeniably fond in his eye as he reminisced. “We tended to play ‘fire-water-plant’, where I’m from, and every time he would try another ridiculous, unbeatable gesture.”

The old man let out a chuckle. “Drove me insane. We would always get banned from playing with each other because we kept getting into scraps over it.”

“Why am I not surprised by that?” Warriors asked, lightly teasing. 

Time gave him a wry half-smirk. “Oh, that wasn’t even close to being one of the dumbest things we used to start flat-out brawls over,” he said, shrugging a shoulder lazily. “I once tackled him into a river over what shade of green the grass was. And over whether a rock looked like a fairy or a butterfly.”

“Oh,” Four breathed, sounding very nearly giddy with sheer delight, “You were a feral kid.”

“Oh, please,” Warriors rolled his eyes again, “He still is. He’s just gotten better at hiding it.”

Time didn’t bother defending himself; just raised a dripping hand and flicked the water off his fingers into Warriors’ face, leaving the captain to splutter under the assault. 

“You- See?”

“See what?” Four asked angelically.

Warriors shot Time a look, which the older man didn’t even try to pretend like he cared about. 

Honestly. See if he got supplied any fresh towels like that. 

Movement in his peripheries drew the captain out of his sulking-slash-scheming – Hyrule had finally managed to wander his way into the general vicinity of the pool they had claimed, head craned up to stare at the skylight.

He didn’t appear to have registered the unpleasant wakeup call he was drifting ever closer to. Like a particularly oblivious moth to a tantalisingly exposed flame. 

Well, that could only bode well. 

Four, naturally, elected to watch the disaster in the making with an avid interest, chin propped in a hand and not a peep of anything that could resemble giving a warning apparently even crossing his mind. 

Gilded winds. Never let it be said that Farore didn’t know how to pick them. 

“Traveller,” Warriors tried, since apparently one of them had to value their brother’s dignity and also distinctly unbroken skull. 

If Hyrule heard him, he didn’t show it. Just continued the slow amble of his steps, as inevitable and questionably linear as the flow of time. 

Hm. 

Their arguably more reliable and distinctly more tangible Time shifted slightly, tracking ‘Roolie’s meandering path. He let him take a few more steps, then held out an arm, keeping the traveller from toppling headfirst into the water. 

Hyrule finally snapped back into focus, blinking owlishly at the pool in front of him. 

And consider that yet another situational awareness training session pencilled in. Lovely. 

The traveller took an extra beat for his brain to finish catching up – a vague look of mild embarrassment at how close he’d been to falling in passing over his face – before he stepped in delicately with a sheepish laugh. 

“Hi,” he said, evidently making the choice to resolutely ignore the faint flush dusting his cheeks. “So apparently you can and should cheat at rock-paper-scissors, according to Wind.”

“I already gave them the run-down,” Four grinned, over Time and Warriors’ matching snorts, “That’s what you get for being slow.”

“I got distracted!” Hyrule defended, sweeping his arm in a wide gesture towards the building in general. “Just look at this place, it’s huge!”

“It is, absolutely. But, you see, I still managed to walk in a straight line about it.”

The teen stuck his tongue out at the other. “You just hate my whimsy and zest for life.”

“What I hate,” Four said, with the world-weary tone of someone three times his age who’d picked up one hell of a drinking problem along the way, “Is that that’s the stupid bit you decided to pick up from the Champion. Like, really? That one? The single most annoying one?”

“And,” Hyrule added magnanimously, “You hate me.”

“Getting there. Actually,” the smithy sighed. “You two need to hang out less if you’re just gonna be using it for evil.”

“I don’t think we could stop them if we tried,” Time pointed out, “They’re a bit of a package deal, those two.”

The old man paused for a second. “Like fire and mass property damage,” he added tactfully. 

Hyrule’s exaggeratedly put-upon expression broke into a sharp little smirk, pure mischief glinting in his eyes. “You know it.”

Four groaned loudly, sinking down into the water until his chin was resting on his folded arms. 

“Awful. We do not need two people claiming that their quote-unquote ‘zest for life’ made them ride a flaming bear into camp, or whatever the hell it is you two do for fun.”

“Oh for- That was one ti-“

“‘Fraid you’re a little late on that one, Smithy,” Warriors cut in, trying to aim for ‘consoling’ and more than likely failing miserably. “The Sailor tried that with me last week. Didn’t work, obviously, but this ship is evidently well out of port, alas.”

Time hummed consideringly. “Was that for when he spent about three hours seeing how many acorn caps he could slip into everyone’s pockets?”

“No, it was- That’s where those came from?”

“I knew it!” Four cried, straightening up for a second in vindication before promptly slumping back down to bury his face fully into his arms. 

“Do you have any idea how many of those things I found in my hood?” Came the muffled complaint, “I swear I emptied it out like five times. I shoulda kept them and filled his stupid bedroll.”

Warriors reached over to pat the crown of his head sympathetically. “There there. Hindsight and all that.”

“Actually, I do recall our Veteran also trying the ‘zest for life’ excuse at some point,” Time said ponderously, in lieu of helping him at all in reminding Four that there was still good in the world. 

He gave the old man a baleful look, hand still on Four’s head. Time just gave him a slow blink in response. 

Oh, gods, he was actually serious. 

“There is no way,” Hyrule breathed, far more incredulously gleeful at the mere concept than he really had any right to be. 

“I definitely wouldn’t go as far to say that his heart was particularly in it,” Time continued with a shrug, “But he did look me in the eye, at least.”

A small smile broke across his face after a moment. “I almost had to admire the brazenness.”

“He does not get points for being a pain in the ass,” Four protested, face still buried. 

Warriors gave him one last consoling pat, just to let him know that he had someone on his side. Even if the captain would pay good money to see Legend try flatly convincing literally anyone of his boundless whimsy in person. 

“I wouldn’t be shocked if Sky put him up to it,” he put forth instead, “It seems like the exact kind of thing he’d find utterly hilarious.”

“For good reason!” Hyrule agreed brightly, chipper voice speaking volumes to his inevitable future scheming. 

Four somehow slumped further, arms sprawled out in favour of just pressing his cheek into the tile mournfully. 

“Why,” he groaned, words a touch distorted, “Are you all so annoying?”

Hyrule made a wordless noise of affront at the half-muffled lament, sending a spray of water in the smithy’s general direction. 

“Like you’re not! You literally nearly got into a fistfight with Legend over the world’s single dumbest nickname earlier, don’t start acting like you’re exempt!”

There was a quiet mutter that sounded like a distinctly mulish ‘he still started it’.

Time and Warriors shared a mutual, very heartfelt eye-roll. 

Four dragged himself back upright after a few more seconds of sulking, propping himself up on an elbow as he pointed an accusatory finger at Hyrule. 

“I know I’m annoying. I’m used to my annoying,” he declared, eyes narrowing. “But if you lot start breaking swords on dumb shit too, I swear to any and all gods available that I will smother each and every one of you in your sleep.”

The smithy thought for a moment, finger lowering to instead trace idly along the patterned tiles. 

“And Wild, too,” he decided with a prim little sniff, “For being a terrible influence.”

Hyrule looked appropriately appalled. “My sword isn’t just gonna dissolve on me – we’d know if his weapons curse was contagious by now. It’s not a proximity thing.”

“Probably,” Time added.

“…Probably,” the traveller amended reluctantly. “Besides, do you know how hard it’d be to find another one? It’s not like I can just… go back to that graveyard and ask nicely.”

Four gave him a purely befuddled look, previous ire all but forgotten. “You got your sword from a graveyard?”

“I got it from an old man who lived there,” Hyrule specified. He then followed up that altogether understandable statement with a flippant, “Found him under one of the graves.”

That. Hm. 

“…Are we absolutely certain this man was… still alive, at the time?” Time asked, infinitely delicate. 

Hyrule opened his mouth, thought for a moment, then closed it again. 

“…Uh.”

Four pulled a face. “Traveller, did you rob some poor bastard’s grave?”

“Wh- No! I saw him, it’s not robbing if they give it to you in person!” Hyrule defended in a heartbeat, “I just. It wouldn’t surprise me if something was up, is all.”

“Was he a ghost?” Time asked. 

Hyrule pursed his lips, thinking. “…Solid fifty-fifty.”

“How can you not tell if someone’s a ghost?” Four said, sounding significantly more aghast about that than any hypothetical grave robbing.

“Well, excuse me for paying more attention to the shiny new sword! You’ve seen that thing, I was too busy tossing up whether it’d be worth getting potentially mugged over!”

“It is a very nice sword,” Time said comfortingly, “Definitely worth getting a knife pulled on you here or there.”

Hyrule pointed at him with a splash of vindication. “Thank you!”

Warriors couldn’t help but grin at the debacle, chuckling lightly as he twisted to pull his pouch closer. He opened it and rifled through its contents, searching for the scar cream he knew was in there somewhere. 

“…Huh,” Four said haltingly, interrogation of Hyrule abandoned in an instant as something about the tiles he was fiddling with caught his attention. He ran a full hand over the pattern rimming the pool, eyes alighting with interest at whatever he had noticed. “They use runes to upkeep the temperature in this one.”

Warriors briefly glanced up from his task, and huh, so they did. 

“Makes sense, from the size of the place trying to keep up a furnace would just be inefficient,” he replied, turning back to his pouch. “Making them part of the decorations is a nice touch, though.”

Four levered himself up slightly, twisting to peer at the deep end of the pool with a marked curiosity. 

“I wonder if…” He trailed off, gazing down through the water at the mosaic at the bottom.

“If?” Time asked obligingly.

Four, in lieu of answering, took a breath and jumped into the deeper waters, swimming down to the base.

“…I can’t help but feel he’s missing the point of a bath,” Warriors said dryly, watching the little blonde blur do… something with the patterned floor through the water.

Time shrugged, lounging back a little more with a yawn. “Let him be; sometimes you just have to take what you can get with this lot.”

After a few seconds, Four popped back up with a gasp, dragging his sodden hair out of his face with a bright smile.

“It is, the mosaic is also made up of runes!” he exclaimed happily.

Warriors paused, eyebrows raised slightly. “Huh. That’s… really clever, actually,” he said slowly, peering down through the water with new eyes. Maybe he could suggest such a thing to the artisans in Castle Town, when he got the chance.

“’Rule, wanna see?” Four asked, “I want your opinion on something.”

Hyrule shifted slightly, looking at the deeper section with a mixture of interest and trepidation. “…I can’t swim.”

“Oh,” the smithy said, deflating slightly, “Time?”

“I’m good,” the old man replied, eye closed as he contentedly soaked up the warmth.

“It doesn’t look that deep…” Hyrule cut back in before Four could turn to the captain, chewing on his lip as he weighed something in his mind. “I should be able to just push off the bottom, I’m okay at holding my breath.”

“You sure?” Four asked, “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“No, I want to,” the traveller said, a familiar determination setting over his face. “Just pull me up if I start thrashing or something.”

Oh, Nayru wept.

“Should you really-“ Warriors started, before being cut off by Hyrule jumping into the deeper waters, Four following close behind. He sighed, rolling his eyes up at the ceiling before digging back into his pouch with a renewed vigour.

“If he drowns, I’ll kill him myself.”

“What a way to go, though,” Time replied, eye still closed and face relaxed.

Warriors snorted, reaching deeper into the bag as he tried to locate the jar by feel.

“Drowning in a public bathhouse, truly one of the most dignified deaths out there. Almost on par with tripping down the stairs, or,” he pulled out a container, pursing his lips and setting it on the side of the pool, “Getting mauled by cuccos.”

Hyrule surged back up, gripping the edge of the pool and shaking the water out of his eyes.

“That is so cool,” he said to Four when he popped up as well.

The other grinned, happy to have someone to share his discovery with. “I know, right?”

“What did you find?” Warriors asked distractedly, more out of ‘still vaguely irritated but being mature about it’ obligation than anything.

“They use actual pieces of gemstone, rather than coloured glass or tile, in some parts of the design!”

Warriors waited for an elaboration, but one didn’t come. He looked up to find a pair of expectant faces gazing at him eagerly, and rolled his eyes again – obligingly putting on his best blank ‘I am but a hapless, beautiful idiot’ stare.

“Sounds expensive.”

“Yes!” Four said brightly, pleased that he was playing along, “But! It has a purpose!”

“The gems used have magical properties,” Hyrule explained, “They’re mostly rubies and sapphires, so they must be there to help with the magic keeping the water warm.”

“And-” Four picked up the explanation, “The fact that they’re used in conjunction with the runes means that one–” he held up a finger, “–The magic is overall stronger, and two–” up went a second finger, “–They can help regulate the temperature, as the magic channelled through them can be shifted in a way that it can’t in standard runes!”

“Very impressive,” Time said, cracking his eye open to look at the two. “And does the design of the mosaic affect anything?”

They gasped in unison, whipping their heads down to stare through the water.

“It might,” Hyrule said, and they took another deep breath.

“What’s happening here?” Twilight asked, having apparently walked into the communal area with Legend just in time to catch the splash of the two boys submerging themselves again.

“Hi. The Smithy and Traveller are entertaining themselves by poking at the magic powering this place,” Warriors explained absently, digging into his pouch again.

Legend squinted at the underwater blobs, looking rather confused. “But. ‘Roolie can’t swim?”

“No,” Warriors set another jar down with a firm clack, “He cannot.”

The two resurfaced again, Hyrule having to scrabble for the edge briefly, and started furiously muttering to each other – likely sharing theories on whatever their findings had been.

Legend, appeased by the traveller being technically not actively drowning, stepped into the water with Twilight – sinking down up to his neck for all of two seconds before the tiles around the pool caught his attention.

“Huh; this place uses runes,” the veteran said, straightening up to get a better look. “Should’ve figured from the size. Do you reckon they have any safeguards in place?”

Warriors couldn’t help but sigh slightly, gesturing with his head towards where Four and Hyrule were still debating quietly.

“Kindly direct all questions to our burgeoning researchers over there,” he drawled, pointedly not looking up from his task.

He couldn’t find it in him to be shocked when Legend actually pushed himself off the ledge, drifting over to the deep end and inserting himself into the discussion. Four and Hyrule seemed happy enough to have a third opinion, filling him in on their discoveries so far.

Twilight watched him go, eyebrows raised in bemusement at their antics.

“They… do know what a bath is, right?”

“Could’ve fooled me,” Warriors muttered as he pulled out another bottle, this one filled with a thin liquid. “And these are the ones who said they’ve been to a bathhouse before, the little liars.”

He raised his gaze as the three of them dove down again as one, looking at the disturbed water in contemplation.

“Maybe, if I carve a rune into some soap, I can trick them into actually washing up.”

Twilight snorted quietly, shaking his head as Time quietly chuckled to himself.

“I wouldn’t get my hopes up.”

“You’re right,” the captain replied, turning back to the search for his stupid scar cream as they took turns to pop up for just long enough to catch their breath before going back under, “That leaves far too much up to chance. Better to just ambush them with a sponge.”

Finally, finally, his fingers brushed a familiar jar, the twine holding the lid shut like music to his finger-ears. But, naturally – because why should anything ever be easy – in his victorious haste to draw the sneaky little bastard out, another container came with it, dropping into the pool with a forlorn plop.

Warriors watched as it swiftly sunk to the bottom, unable to do anything but let out a small, defeated sigh.

Sometimes, he couldn’t help but wonder why the Golden Goddesses had created such a beautiful world, only to turn a blind eye to the suffering that bound it in tarnished chains.

He reached down with a foot, half-heartedly trying to drag it back up, but could only sigh again when it uselessly rolled in a taunting circle.

Warriors really hoped that one was sealed properly.

A warm, calloused hand wetly patted his shoulder, Twilight making a valiant effort to stifle his snickering. The effort was appreciated, but the end result could use more work.

Still, it wasn’t like the blasted thing could get more wet, and Warriors honestly could not be assed dunking himself for it, so there it stayed, an amorphous blob sitting innocently at the bottom of the basin.

Resolutely ignoring it, along with Twilight’s slowly tapering out laughter, the captain turned back to his prize, deft fingers loosening the twine and popping out the cork with practised movements. A distinct, familiar medicinal smell drifted up to greet him, even past the steam and scents of the baths.

Warriors allowed himself one deep inhale, basking in the fruits of his labour – and a quick wrinkle of his nose, because that herbal tang was never going to get more pleasant – then scooped out a generous dollop with two fingers. He slathered the ointment onto his scarred forearm, the immediate tingling fully expected by this point.

He probably should’ve been doing this a touch more consistently than he had. The mottled scar was old enough that it wasn’t like he was risking infection, but that wasn’t any excuse to grow lax in his upkeep of it.

Oh good, Impa was in his head now. He was sure she’d be whatever her equivalent of thrilled was.

Probably some snide comment about how ‘it was a good thing he’d managed to outsource some common sense, given that he was so dangerously lacking a supply of his own’. She always did have such a way with words.

Warriors dutifully worked the cream into his little gift from Volga, the tingling slowly dissipating as the scar tissue loosened. He hadn’t even realised how tight it’d gotten up until this point. How tight he had let it get; thank you, General, he got the idea.

Another scoop from the jar sitting on the edge of the pool, this one massaged further up his arm to just below his shoulder, then briskly back down to ensure full coverage of the uneven marks.

Goddesses above, the texture was horrendous. Surely they could’ve found some other way to ensure the stuff wouldn’t immediately wash off, instead of distilling the essence of a particularly clingy oil slick.

He was just working the last excesses into his hand, carefully going finger by stiff finger, when Hyrule burst out of the water, flailing for a shaky grasp of the edge of the pool and promptly doing his best to hack out a waterlogged lung.

Four and Legend surfaced as well and bracketed the half-drowned traveller, rightly concerned by what, in Warriors’ suddenly exhausted eyes, had been a stunningly easy to avoid outcome.

He paused, fingers still tangled together, and grappled with a rush of pure and utter exasperation. ‘It’ll be fine’ his ass.

Time opened his eye in a bleary squint, half-asleep brain taking a few extra seconds to process what he was seeing. Twilight, for his part, was slumped forward, face buried in his hands as he mumbled some plea for patience – or at the very least a well-timed concussion – which meant that, joy of joys, it was Warriors’ problem.

“Right, that’s it,” he called in his best ‘commanding authority’ voice, helpfully punctuated by a particularly wet cough from Hyrule. “You three are done. Get your asses over here and sit down. Hyrule, stop waterboarding yourself.”

The traveller had no right to look as put out by that as he did. None of them did, actually, even Four’s guilty wince offset by a certain mulish glint in his eyes.

Warriors stared them down, thoroughly unmoved, and the three reluctantly slunk back over (Hyrule scooched along the wall) to the shallower sitting area, exchanging mutinous grumbles all the way.

He maintained eye contact until they were all firmly situated back in the shallow end, perched on the ledge in varying degrees of annoyance at the self-inflicted situation. Maybe now they’d actually get the hint and wash up.

Legend met his flat look toe-for-toe, jaw set and eyes narrowed challengingly. Warriors didn’t give him an inch, just raised an unimpressed eyebrow.

The veteran cracked first, some fundamental part of him probably recognising that this was dumb as fuck. He looked away with a scowl, reaching for his own pouch that had been left abandoned on the edge of the pool.

Damn right.

Satisfied that they weren’t going to immediately turn around and do something else ill-advised, the captain left them to nurse their bruised pride and turned back to his pot of medicine.

His arm was taken care of, but he had plenty more scars he’d been blithely neglecting. The cream would only do so much for some of them – it was specifically made for burn scars – but something was always better than nothing, especially for the deeper ones.

Warriors sighed, begrudgingly setting to work on every old injury he could remember causing him grief within the last few weeks.

Gods, Impa would be appalled.

He couldn’t bite back a yawn as he massaged a spot just under his ribs, the travel fatigue and steam making him a touch drowsy. Maybe Time had the right idea, quietly dozing in the warmth.

But who knew when he’d get the chance to properly do his routine again. He could join Time later, if he was quick enough; but right now, he had other things to be focusing on.

Like the fact that he was rapidly running out of major scars to be attending to.

The captain finished working a glob into an ancient gash on his calf – a fun memento of the first time an arrow managed to get him. And the only time he was dumb enough to try yanking the damned thing out.

Good memories. Great memories. He loved it when life lessons were efficient about being learned.

And just like that, step one done. Warriors tried wiping the ointment residue off his fingers, dunking them underwater and everything, before he had to once again begrudgingly resign himself to a mild hell of ‘ew, greasy’ until the cream fully absorbed into his skin.

He paused before re-corking the jar, a thought occurring to him belatedly.

“Anyone want to borrow some scar cream? I’ve got plenty to go around, I restocked a couple portals back.”

“I’m good, but thanks,” Four replied, not looking up from where he hadn’t skipped a beat in switching his focus back to the tiles rimming the bath.

Time made a stunningly non-committal sound, which Warriors decided to generously interpret as ‘No thank you, but you are an angel for offering and also for wrangling the gremlins. Artfully, might I add’.

Legend looked up from his pouch, interest mildly piqued despite the faint unnecessary-grudge-holding twist to his mouth.

“What kind?”

“It’ll work for anything, but mostly burns,” Warriors answered.

“Ah.” The veteran turned back to his task, retrieving a few small jars and bottles to line up neatly along the ledge next to him. “No thanks. I’ve got my own stuff for deeper damage.”

“I’ll take some,” Hyrule chimed, raising a hand.

He caught the jar as Warriors gently tossed it over, hauling himself up to perch on the edge of the pool and ignoring the dismayed protest from Four.

“Wh- Hey- Move your butt, you’re blocking the-“

The traveller also ignored the increasingly insistent and wholly ineffective shoves against his hip, examining the ointment closely – even raising it to his nose to give it a cautious sniff.

He didn’t even rankle at the smell. Damn.

Whatever Hyrule was looking for, he must’ve found it, as he gave an approving hum and scooped out a thick globule with his fingers.

“This is good stuff,” he said, tossing the jar back, “What’d you make it from?”

Warriors caught it with one hand, then lowered it slightly to give the traveller a baffled look. “I… bought it? Y’know, from an apothecary?”

“Wh- How much mon-“

Hyrule cut off his own vaguely stunned exclamation with a sigh, straightening up to access the nasty scar next to his stomach. “Never mind. What did they make it from, then?”

The captain looked down at the still-open container in his hands, its contents no worse for the wear despite being flung around back and forth. There was, notably, no ingredients list.

“…Some variety of herbs,” he hazarded to guess.

 Hyrule rolled his eyes so hard that his head tipped back a little. He didn’t even dignify Warriors’ very reasonable attempt with an answer – just quietly huffed out something that sounded suspiciously along the lines of ‘fuckin’ useless, honestly’.

Warriors’ offended spluttering was easily drowned out by a cackle of delight, courtesy of Legend.

“Can’t believe you don’t know what you’re putting on your skin, Wars,” the veteran teased, “For shame.”

The captain returned with a rude gesture, raised so he couldn’t miss it. “What’s in yours, then, if you wanna be like that about it?”

Legend gave a serene smile. “Not a clue,” he said beatifically, “I wasn’t really paying attention when Syrup was making it – too busy getting lectured. You know how it is.”

“I don’t,” Warriors replied, only lying a little.

He certainly hadn’t been lectured by the person at the apothecary, at the very least. Just by the woman who’d all but frogmarched him there the first time. At length.

(He should’ve seen it coming from the moment General Impa and Head Medic Kaenan started talking to each other. The two of them combined could’ve probably glared Ganondorf himself into submission, and gotten a written apology to boot.

But no, instead their time was apparently better spent comparing notes, and chewing out poor, hapless captains for not telling anyone about any hypothetically ‘lessened range of movement’ that the captain in question may or may not have been hypothetically resolutely ignoring.

(In his defence, Warriors had figured that the medics had far more important things to be bothering themselves with than one man’s slightly stiff sword arm.

He had voiced this to Kaenan all of one time, who in turn had looked at him for a long moment, scoffed, and somehow made the merry chime of the bell above the apothecary’s door sound like a distinct threat.)

Warriors was never assuming that Impa had simply made a friend ever again. He should’ve known that the battered cups of tea she’d occasionally ferry into the medical tents smacked of nefarious intent.)

Hyrule rolled his eyes again, this time with a pointed sigh to really get his opinion of their apparent lack of competency across.

“Whatever,” he said, twisting so he could rub the last excesses of the cream into the matching scar on his back – impaled, he’d said. Yikes. “I’ll just get Wild to poke at it at some point. He’d probably be able to reverse-engineer something fairly close.”

“Gods, if only,” Warriors said with a sigh of his own, “Maybe then I could get him to actually use the stuff.”

Twilight stretched, arms above his head, before he slumped back down with a faint grunt of satisfaction. He cracked his eyes back open after a second, giving the captain a wry smirk.

“So we are remembering that the Champion’s idea of ‘reverse-engineering’ has a… non-zero chance of the thing gettin’ licked, right?” he drawled lazily.

“Still cannot believe that keeps working,” Four muttered to himself.

Warriors pulled a face that hopefully communicated just how far he’d fallen from the realm of still giving half a shit.

“Again, I’ll take it if it means I can stop having to argue with him over how much pain is considered to be the daily average,” he said flatly. “He refuses to believe me when I say that it’s ideally meant to be ‘zero’.”

Legend hummed in his special little ‘I’m going to be a contrarian asshole for no reason other than to undermine your point’ tone. “Now, I don’t know if ‘zero’ is really realistic-“

“I said ideally. For most people, it is ideally zero.”

There was an overly drawn-out noise of consideration – a glance to its source revealed Time looking back at him, a mischievous quirk to his lips.

“No,” the old man said, doing a rather poor job of trying to sound ponderous, “That doesn’t sound right.”

“Didn’t ask,” Warriors replied flatly. “Just because you ended up grinding your knees to dust before leaving adolescence doesn’t mean everyone else in the world did.”

“Bones,” Legend scoffed, with a dismissive hand-wave, “Who needs ‘em?”

“Hear, hear,” Hyrule chimed in brightly. Because of course he did.

The veteran drew himself up to continue his tirade, bolstered by the support.

“Bunch’a ungrateful bastards, I say,” he declared, “Always harping on about ‘stress fractures’ and ‘early-onset arthritis’ and all that mess. We should just become a sub-species of zol already and be done with it.”

Time sighed, something undeniably wistful in the sound. “That’d be nice.”

“Yes, we’ve already established your deep-seated desire to be naught but a gelatinous blob,” Warriors cut back in, “Not the point. The point is- Four, get your ass back here.”

Four froze, halfway through his blatant attempt to sneakily drift back over to the deep end while they were distracted. He was quick to rearrange his guilty expression into something indignant, swinging around with a defensive splash.

“I just need to double check something!”

Warriors raised an unimpressed eyebrow. “That ‘need’ is doing a lot of undeserved legwork, there.”

The smithy gave him a withering look, before promptly switching tack to try, “Traveller’s covering the ones I was looking at over here, so I figured…?”

Hyrule slid back into the water with a plop – sticking his tongue out in response to having the look turned on him for not helping.

Four’s mouth twisted, just for a second, then smoothed out as he decided to widen his eyes in Time’s direction hopefully.

“…Please?”

Time gave him a placid blink.

Warriors tried to not let his authority feel too meaningless – a struggle at the best of times, but it was definitely a new low when Four only then sat down with a huff.

Was it the facial markings? No, then Twilight wouldn’t struggle so much with wrangling the champion, let alone the rest of the boys.

Maybe the gravitas?

Warriors had gravitas. Warriors had plenty of gravitas. Practically oozed the stuff. This was so unfair.

“As I was saying,” he picked back up belatedly, trying to remember what they’d been talking about before Four decided to be a pain in the ass.

Right, Wild also being a pain in the ass.

“The point is, blithely pushing past the pain is all fun and games until half your body is covered in burn scars,” Warriors stressed, shaking the jar of ointment for emphasis. “Seriously, it’s a miracle that boy is as relentlessly limber as he is – he barely even stretches. Imagine what he could pull off if he actually took care of himself consistently.”

Twilight made a vague noise of vindicated aggravation. “Right? Ordona’s light, you’d think he was allergic to the concept, th’ way he carries on.”

The captain opened his mouth to continue – then paused, thought for a second, and closed it again, squinting at the rancher as he remembered something.

“…I’m not sure how much your input is worth here, actually.”

Twilight gaped at him in pure offence. “Fuckin’- Excuse me? The hell did I ever do to you?”

“Oh, don’t worry guys, it’s just a scratch,” Warriors mocked, putting on his shittiest approximation of Twi’s country-boy twang for good measure. “Ignore th’ blood I’m hacking up, nearly gettin’ fully cut in half builds character.”

“Yeehaw, time t’ spend fourteen hours actively dying!” Hyrule called over, more than happy to join the dogpile.

“Oh, fuck off,” Twilight groaned over the matching wheezes from Four and Legend. “Will you literally ever let that shit go? It was one time.”

“You cause eight collective heart attacks, you deal with the consequences,” Warriors said primly, settling back to his normal cadence. “It’s what you get for being a stubborn bastard. ‘Oh, I’m good to keep fighting’ – honestly.”

Twilight sent a beseeching look Time’s way, like the old man would actually take his side on this.

“Fourteen hours, seventeen minutes, and fifty-three seconds,” Time intoned, drier than a sun-bleached desert. “Howdy.”

The rancher’s face went through an array of complicated emotions. “Yeah, alright, I get it,” he muttered after a moment, slouching down against the wall.

Warriors wordlessly offered him the still-open jar.

Twilight eyed it like a spear pointed at his jugular. He then sighed, obligingly took some, and started to work it into his side – not even bothering to leave the water like Hyrule had.

“’M still better than the Champion about it,” he pointed out half-heartedly.

“You’d be hard-pressed to be worse,” Warriors replied in turn.

The rancher inclined his head slightly, ceding that point.

“Fair. The texture of this stuff is awful, by the way.”

Warriors gave a sigh of his own. “Yeah, I know. You want any more, or can I put it away?”

Twilight hesitated, glancing between the jar and his face.

Every time. Honestly. You’d think he’d have stopped second-guessing himself by now.

The captain gave him a few moments to agonise over perceived politeness before wiggling the jar knowingly. “I’m offering,” he said patiently.

A few more seconds of hesitation; then Twilight shrugged, scooping up some ointment and twisting so he was facing away from the captain.

“Can you get my back?” he asked, rubbing what he had into the thick scar circling his wrist. “The angle’s a bit awkward for me to get on my own, but I’ve got a few old burns back there.”

He did indeed, upon closer inspection – most notably a smattering across his shoulder blades, and a rather nasty one streaking from the base of his neck to just above his right arm.

“Damn,” Warriors whistled lowly, obligingly working some of the medicine into his brother’s skin, “Where’d all these come from?”

Twilight shrugged again, shoulders moving under the captain’s hands.

“Burning building nearly collapsed on me,” he said simply.

Time sighed in Warriors’ peripherals, grumbling something unintelligible yet distinctly unimpressed to himself as he pointedly settled back down to continue his doze.

“It wasn’t big,” Twilight grouched back, like that was the problem here.

Sometimes, Warriors genuinely wondered why he bothered.

“How’d that even happen?” he asked, rather than question the ranch-hand’s priorities.

That earned him another shrug. “Bugs.”

Fucking what-

“Nasty little blights,” Twilight continued blithely, which elaborated precisely nothing, “The shack really more exploded, than collapsed; it was where Barnes was storing his bombs. I had to bust through th’ wall to get out in time, my pelt was the only reason I didn’t get burned worse than I did.”

Warriors considered the information he’d just been handed, then decided that wow, that was extremely not his problem right now.

“What about this one?” he asked, moving on to the bigger streak, “It looks like it came from something else.”

The rancher just barely stiffened under his hands – the only reason Warriors even noticed was due to the close contact.

“Nothin’ important,” Twilight said, in his overly casual ‘lying through his teeth’ voice that the captain hated.

He didn’t say anything, but the way Twi’s shoulders steadily rose further told him that he could absolutely feel the doubtful face Warriors was pulling at his stupidly big back muscles.

“That so?” he asked, purposefully light.

“Yes,” Twilight grit out. He then seemed to realise how unconvincing that sounded, and attempted to dial it back with a flippant, “It’s fine, jus’ had an accident with a torch at some point. Forgot I even had it.”

It was actually a little insulting that he expected Warriors to buy that.

But there was also a non-zero chance that if he started grilling him in front of the younger boys, Twilight would just cut out the middleman and skip straight to trying to drown him, so it could be let go for now.

He still let out a disbelieving hum, just to let the other know that he wasn’t taking any of that shit.

The rancher gave him the bitchiest little ear flick he’d ever borne witness to for the trouble.

Warriors was going to kill him one day, he really was.

“Alright, you’re all done,” he said, forcibly cheerful as he patted Twilight’s shoulder firmly. “Unless you have any more hidden scars?”

“Nah, none that need any extra attention,” the other replied, latching onto the opportunity to change the subject with only a touch more enthusiasm than strictly necessary. “Thanks, by the way – I ‘preciate the help.”

“No problem,” Warriors hummed absently.

He tilted the jar towards him to check how much scar cream he had left – still easily enough to last him ‘til next restock, lovely. A quick moment to locate where he’d put the cork, and the container was resealed and placed on the side of the pool for safe keeping.

Ah. That reminded him.

The captain peered down through the water by his feet with pursed lips. Yep, still very much there.

Twilight – now facing forwards once more – followed his gaze curiously, only to let out a snort at what he found.

“Y’know, staring at it ain’t gonna bring it back up,” he teased.

Warriors made a vaguely forlorn sound, continuing to balefully look down at the sunken bottle.

“I don’t want to have to get wet for it,” he lamented.

Twilight gave a meaningful glance at the bath as a whole.

Warriors rolled his eyes. “Wetter.”

The ranch-hand rolled his eyes right back, because he didn’t appreciate melodramatics anywhere near as much as he should. “Jus’ get one of the gremlins to get it, they’ve already dunked themselves for dumber shit.”

The gremlins in question had formed another huddle, which was sure to only bode well for Warriors’ overall peace of mind.

He vaguely considered the possibility of prodding Four and Legend into another argument, just to see if it’d disrupt their scheming enough – but no, it was far too likely to backfire. Not to mention that Time might actually murder him for it.

“No, they’ll just use it as a bargaining chip,” the captain sighed, turning back to the container, “I don’t particularly feel like having my belongings held hostage so they can go drown themselves ‘for science’ again.”

Twilight made a noise of understanding, peering down through the water with him. He made a cursory attempt of his own to drag the bottle up with a foot.

It obligingly rolled further away.

“Welp, guess it lives there now,” the rancher declared, more than happy to wash his hands of having to give a shit. “Shame. Happens to the best of us, n’ allat.”

“Your sympathy is duly noted,” Warriors said dryly.

Twilight gave him a sharp little grin. “You’re the most welcome.”

The captain couldn’t help but huff out a half-laugh, twisting to snag his pouch again. “Just for that, next time you get to be responsible for when that lot inevitably start hacking up water.”

“Sure,” Twilight agreed easily, “So long as you don’t mind potentially being down one or two. Y’know how they can be. Slippery. Might lose track during a headcount here or there.”

Warriors laughed properly, opening his pouch once more.

“Perish the thought,” he crooned, keeping with Twi’s overly-casual joking tone, “My life might actually end up easier.”

The rancher cracked, letting out a hushed snicker. “Can’t be having that, now, can we?”

“No,” Warriors agreed, something inordinately fond coming over him as he looked back to where he was sure the younger boys were plotting his downfall.

“We certainly can’t.”