Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

All sorts of small miracles happen now.

The carefully-spent allowance that Master Tighnari allots to her results in books piled up at her bedside. Childhood-long deep aches in her bones finally ebb to a dull throb because of his medicines. Weak, trembling hands finally grow steady, and arm muscles finally firm up, as Collei learns to wield a bow, level her aim, and draw the bowstring all the way back. A nightmarish, mortifying fear of physical touch finally gets suppressed for long enough that she can enjoy having her master tousle her hair for several golden seconds before she has to pull away from him. (She likes the way it feels and she also likes the sense she gets from it that Tighnari is already proud of her.)

Everything is still overwhelming and scary at times but she used to never be able to imagine anything positive.

And now Collei has control over her own body, a manageable chronic condition, and a cautiously optimistic outlook on all this. She even has a Vision, too: something she thought never would have happened, and that Tighnari himself was even surprised by. Now she can do so much more to protect the forest just like Master!

It's even identical to Master's Vision, which is perfect, because it makes him the best person to teach her how to channel it.

Master Tighnari looms over her at times, but the weird thing is, he isn't scary. She sees how gentle he is with the plants he nurtures and the nature he protects, and Collei understands that he doesn't see her as any different from another part of the forest ecosystem (well, except that she might be one that he cherishes suspiciously closely).

The other odd thing is, Tighnari seeks her out as a friend. As well as teaching her everything she knows, he'll seek her out just to sit next to her when it's mealtime. They eat most of their meals together, sitting cross-legged in a comfortable, safe silence. Collei can have privacy when she wants, but she also knows that he isn't letting her ever be lonely. That counts for a lot.

She doesn't fully understand what he sees in her, but it's nice. He's big, strong, and seems like he could keep any danger away from her that comes. He's caught her staring at his vulpine ears or tail several times, which Collei should really be embarrassed about (so disrespectful of her!) but instead he smiles at her! Every time! Like he's not upset and he doesn't mind her staring!

And then sometimes, he even flicks his tail close to her, only to glance away and smile like nothing has happened.

And Collei has to resist the urge to pet it!

It's one of those kinds of days, in a nice secluded spot in Apam Woods, that Tighnari says, "Collei."

Collei, mid-chew, gets out an "mmph?!" in response. The way he said her name sounded serious. Like he has something he's been meaning to talk to her about. Is it her training?! Is something wrong with her, did she screw up, is she—

"You're growing taller."

"Um... what?"

Master Tighnari looks unusually happy as he beams down at her with a big smile. Collei can just barely glimpse his fangs, even. "I was hoping we'd start to see this, since you've been with us some time now! Your body is finally adjusting to medical treatment, having enough to eat, and no longer being in a state of constant stress. Now, you're even starting on what I guess is a growth spurt. So I believe you're starting to go through... puberty!"

The word is new.

And startling.

Collei gives Tighnari a very curious and hesitant look. He's her mentor, so he's going to explain this for her, right? It won't be different from any other lesson at all. "What does puberty mean?"

"Lots of things. Mood swings. Growing pains. Changes, depending on your body. It's going to be different for you, than it was for me."

"Different... you mean because of... your Valuka Shuna heritage? I don't understand..."

"Well, no. There's other reasons. You'll... start to understand in time." Tighnari looks back to her. "I might not be able to fully relate to or understand your experiences. It might be best to talk to one of the female members of the forest rangers, sometime soon. Or maybe Madam Faruzan! I'm sure she'd be happy to-"

"Yikes!" Collei yelps, suddenly throwing her hood up over her head.

"...It would be good if you started getting a bit more comfortable around her, when you're ready. She's unusually softhearted, and not a bad connection to have, Collei."

Collei knows, and she's been over this with him before, and she doesn't hate Madam Faruzan, but... even so!

"I know the situation is awkward, but it might also be very lucky that you two have met, even if it was... probably a bit inevitable, to say the least."

...That's true. Madam Faruzan has been very nice to her, when Collei can get around the apprehension. She doesn't pry about the obvious trauma, she hasn't tried to touch her even once since the first heads-up from Tighnari, and she's... good at cooking. A little too good, even.

(She's made Collei fried radish balls, upon request. That means Collei is increasingly less able to dislike Madam Faruzan. But it's also speaks faintly of obsession, because who in Sumeru would normally have reason to look into making fried, Monstadt-style food? Collei just can't get Faruzan's sights off of her.)

"Master," Collei says after several moments, "does puberty explain... this?"

Collei holds out the glossy silver thread she's noticed trailing from her pinky finger for several weeks now.

Nobody has said anything about it, and she's thought at times she's been hallucinating it. She can't even physically feel it, after all. It's just been there for awhile and always leads north-northeast. She's tried once to follow it a ways, but stopped when she realized she was starting to approach the Liyue border.

Master Tighnari asks, "Is there something wrong with your hand?"

"Um. No. I... I don't know if anyone else can see it, actually. Maybe... um... forget I said anything."

"Collei." Tighnari suddenly leans a little bit close to her. "Do you have a soulmate thread?"

"Is— is that what it is?! What does it mean?!"

Collei frantically answers several questions: where it seems to be leading, how long she's had it, and what it looks like to her.

Then Tighnari starts explaining in full. "It's not specifically tied to puberty... but in your case, it could be surfacing just now because your soul feels like it's finally free. People talk about soulmates a lot at the Akademiya — there's different hypotheses about why they exist — and nobody really knows why at the end of the day, or why they work differently for different people, but all you need to know is that there's someone out there who you're meant to be best friends with, and she or he has a soul thread too: one that's connected to yours."

"What happens to the thread when I meet my soulmate?" Collei asks. "Do I have to leave and go find her? What do I do?!"

Tighnari shrugs. "I don't know. But maybe you can talk to someone who has the same soul type. It's an excellent time of your life to learn more about yourself and... about everything, really."

Collei stares at the silver thread. She turns it over and under, toying with it.

"I think my soulmate might be far away," she says. "I've gone almost to the Liyue border and stopped there."

"Have you thought about going on a journey?" Tighnari asks.

Collei grumbles. "Do you think I should?"

Everything about her body goes unspoken. Collei doesn't want to strain herself. Tighnari wouldn't want her to either, and Collei doesn't want to give him cause for worry in general.

"I think you're capable of it," Tighnari says at last, "but it might aggravate your Eleazar. You could stay put and see if something happens?"

Collei groans. She's had enough of flareups already. She suffered for years and years before Tighnari got her and gave her a system for preventing them. No thanks!

"If I wait," Collei says, "will my soulmate come to meet me? Will they... want to meet me too?"

Tighnari smiles, reaching out a hand to hover over the top of her head.

"Who wouldn't want to meet you?" he says, the moment that Collei leans in to his touch and lets him ruffle her hair as she laughs.

Collei realizes she needs to ask Tighnari about his soulmate. He said he has a different "type," right?

He sits down with her, peels off a glove and rolls up a sleeve, and lets her look.

Collei is amazed! What are all those line drawings? Galaxies with stars connected, just like an astronomy book? There's so many full constellations...

"Don't... tell me... is each one...?"

Tighnari gives her a half-jealous look. "It's not the same as having one soulmate who I'm guaranteed to be close to. But it means I have a lot of friends who I'll be connected to wherever. Sometimes I only see them when we happen to go to the same place at the same time by chance... but other times, they wind up sticking around. I do what I can to look out for them."

Some are clearly animals. Others are odder or more abstract. The first she identifies is one that's obviously (unsurprisingly) a jackal for Cyno. She traces over it.

"You know who that is," Tighnari says, "and it might make our odd friendship make more sense. He's the closest to me out of my soulmates."

Collei's hand then wanders over to the two different ones that are both birds. Tighnari laughs.

"I'm sorry!" Collei squeaks. "Are you— ticklish there?!"

"Well, a little. But I'm laughing because... well, they're dysfunctional. Things will make more sense when you meet them. They're both connected to each other, I'm sure, but I don't think they're ever going to own up to it in public, and I haven't talked to them about it."

Collei touches the next constellation on his arm.

"It's Madam Faruzan," Tighnari says, apologetically.

Collei mouths a "what" at him.

"She can be a little shy about it. She wasn't expecting it, since... well, her constellation marks don't include me, for reasons that are a little bit sad."

Collei can hazard a guess, but decides she won't spoil the moment.

"And, the next person we have here..." Tighnari rotates his arm so Collei can better see it: the constellation of a little forest cat. "...is you!"

Collei gives him a lot of "but how" and "how do you know for sure" and "but you're not MINE" and it doesn't make a lot of difference to Tighnari.

"I didn't know at first either. It isn't even why I made you my apprentice. It's just a... happy coincidence. I did a... ritual to verify it, a few months ago after you made that cat plushie of yours." Tighnari gives Collei a gentle poke to the forehead. "I may not be your soulmate. But you're one of mine, and that means I have to look out for you. That's something that makes me very happy."

Collei blushes.

"So, with that said," Tighnari says, "would you like to finally touch my tail?"

Collei blurts out, "Yes!"

Three months later, Collei has gone on a patrol out near the desert, and is now staring at the girl splayed on the forest floor in front of her.

Extravagant clothing. Dark aesthetic. Maybe even a little scary, Collei thinks. But she's also really pretty, and clearly has had a very comfortable adolescence and teenagerhood so far (she looks filled out, whereas Collei is still scrappy and scrawny after having to struggle so much during her formative years).

She has the vibe of someone who comes from Monstadt, overall... and, wait, is that a Vision on her?

Collei kneels down to get a closer look...

She carefully feels the girl's forehead to check on her... and as she does, the girl's eyelids crack open...

"You're injured," Collei says, in a careful voice. "I need to get you to Gandharva Ville. It's a safe place where we can give you proper medical treatment."

The girl stares at her through a single eye (she has a patch over the other side of her face) like there is something she is failing to process.

Collei wonders if this girl could heal herself with her Vision. That would be lucky. But before she can ask...

"You... You're..." the girl speaks in a voice that sounds dignified even with barely two words together. "You're the person I came to find!"

"What?! I— um— who are you?!"

A hand suddenly snaps over Collei's forearm. Wild joy bursts across the girl's face.

She enthusiastically proclaims, "I am Fischl, the Prinzessin der Verurteilung... your one and only soulmate!"

Chapter Text

Cold, freaky horror washes over Collei for several moments as she processes the touch to her arm.

This isn't someone bad. She's not anybody who is trying to drag Collei back to places she doesn't belong. And she cannot be somebody who should ever, ever want to hurt her (if fate has made no mistake).

Collei can verify the claim for herself. She focuses, and she sees the thread binding their wrists together, shortened at last, and sparkling fantastically in gold rather than silver, in celebration.

They made it. They made it to each other. Collei doesn't have to leave Sumeru to look.

"My soulmate," Collei winds up saying, in an awestruck little whisper, not breaking the eye contact her soulmate has made.

The girl hasn't even let go of her. The physical contact is terrifying. The only thing keeping Collei from having an outburst is the fact that it just hasn't set in yet.

"Please, beloved sister. There is no need to contain your longing for me for a moment longer. We are at last together, for I have journeyed a long ways across Teyvat to find you." She finally lets go of Collei, and moves away — but only briefly, to stand up and dust herself off.

She promptly lays a hand down on Collei's shoulder, which is even worse.

"You did that just to find me, huh..."

"But of course! There is no length that I would not go to, dear soulmate. For I, Fischl, would venture through the nations twenty times if thou so required it! There is no hurdle I would not overcome, for us merely to be together. It just... took me awhile."

"Mein Fraulein is meaning to say, she got sidetracked with her friends in Monstadt. For a few years, to say the last of it."

Collei hadn't noticed it emerge, but there is now a large, talking raven on her soulmate's (Fischl's) shoulder. "Where were you hiding that bird?!"

"Ah! That is Oz, my beloved familiar. He has a longer name, but you may feel free to simply refer to him as Oz, as well as call me by my given name. As thou art my dearest closest of souls, there is no need for you to use my proper title of Prinzessin de Verertilung... we are equals, and therefore thou mayest address me as my given name of 'Fischl.'"

Collei is somewhere between "her what" and "oh thank Archons" on the inside.

"Mein Fraulein," Oz says, curiously, "we will have to catch her up on... well, on our lore."

"Ah! Yes! She has much to learn about the Immernachtreicht that she has the honor of sharing with me. But... oh, dear, tell me at once, my soul sister! Thou still hath not introduced thy self, and I am dying to know the identity of my own other half."

Collei's brain goes radio-static for a long and freaky second before she is able to blurt out the rehearsed line that is the only thing she knows how to say at this point: "T-Trainee Forest Ranger Collei, reporting."

Fischl's heart is alight.

Finally! They've finally met! Her heart is free!

Fischl lets her voice go inaudible for a moment as she tries it out for herself. "Collei. Collei. Cah-lei."

What a cute and perfect name. It's satisfying and lovable and finally scratches Fischl's decade-long itch to know who her other half is.

But oh... who is Collei?

The girl is scruffy and disheveled and tomboyish and cute. Clearly there is a fire inside of her veins, but it is carefully concealed under this veneer of scrappy and adorkable and eager (as well as sharp survivalist of a tweenager — clearly Collei has accomplished and learned much, for she appears exceedingly well-prepared).

Fischl wasn't expecting somebody who looks so different and is so much younger than her, but the surprise is welcome to her. Collei is just so obviously perfect, and Fischl already is hoping she'll never, ever change.

But this is barely even the start, isn't it?...

Fischl grabs Collei's hands (both of them!) in her own.

"My cherished Collei, I need to know, at once, every detail from the book that is your life. There is nothing I must not be told! Please! Our separation has been long and the distance unbearable and we must fill the abyss of not knowing each other immediately!"

"Mein Fraulein. It seems that Collei is a little averse to physical touch."

At that, Collei jumps bolt upright.

Fischl completely releases her and steps away in embarassment and guilt. No words come to her. Has she hurt Collei? This is bad...

"It's okay," Collei says hastily, even though Fischl knows from the girl's wobbly demeanor and trembling body that it's not okay. (It upsets Fischl. Did somebody hurt Collei? Does Fischl need to go break some bones?) "I'll... I'll get used to it... it's no big deal really. I'll try to work up the courage for a hug eventually, ha ha!"

It is customary for soulmates to hug a lot. Especially at first meeting. But... oh, to know that and want to meet your soulmate, but have to dread the touch... it seems complicated. Fischl obviously should not require any of that from Collei. Absolutely not.

Fischl has backtracking to do. A lot of it.

"Please, my soulmate. Do not rush. Thou must never feel uncomfortable on my account!"

"Oh... okay. Um. Thank you... Fischl."

She said my name for the first time!

It sounded a little hesitant, but still. Fischl feels like she could cry.

The name is odd.

But, Collei thinks it's surely not that Fischl. It has to be a coincidence.

Fischl settles down a bit and her raven familiar goes quiet (still need to ask about that. and everything else too), because the superficial wounds on her body have opened back up. Also, Fischl's head hurts like crazy for no reason, which she casually admits to Collei.

Collei starts cleaning scratches... and bruises... everything, really. There's a bit of blood. But, Fischl doesn't seem too alarmed by her own scraped-up self.

"What happened to you?" Collei asks. If there's a threat, she needs to know about it.

"It's really kind of stupid..." Fischl mutters. "I— I mean— Do not worry yourself, my fabled soulmate, for I... uh..."

"Mein Fraulein was standing atop part of the Wall of Samiel," says Oz, "and loudly proclaiming, 'the rainforest of Sumeru awaits us, as certainly our final stop upon our epic journey across Teyvat in search of the far-flung soulmate, unless, as my liege puts it, we are 'royally screwed' and have to search even farther."

"I did not say that!"

"Mein Fraulein..."

"You were going to keep searching?" Collei asks. "Even if you didn't find me nearby?"

"But of course! No distance would be too great. What choice wouldst I have... but alas... I fear some matter of great import is slipping from my recent recollection of events. Dear Collei, hast thou any clue what I couldst be forgetting?"

Collei barely understands the phrasing, but no. The answer is no. How would she know?

It's going to be a long trek to get back to Gandharva Ville, and Fischl is still pretty scratched up. And, moreover, delirious.

"Is she always like this?" Collei quietly asks the raven.

Oz, in as much as it is possible for a bird to do so, grimaces. "Always like... well, Mein Fraulein is, at present, a tad disoriented. But worry not, Forest Ranger Collei. Other than that, she is acting like her usual self."

"Um. What is... her usual self?"

Collei blinks, to realize Fischl has gotten up and is standing several yards away.

"Hark, Sumeru!" Fischl proclaims. "Prepare for the coming of thine almighty Prinzessin!"

Fischl spreads her arms towards the heavens... and as soon as she does so, lurches to one side.

"Fischl!"

Collei sprints to catch up and glues herself to Fischl's side before the girl can fall. There's a height difference (Fischl is yet another person who towers over Collei, it feels like) but Collei still is able to save her.

Fischl lets out an indignant squeak. "My dear soulmate!"

"I think something's wrong with you," Collei says. "You might have a concussion."

"Forgive me, my Collei. But I, Fischl, am walking on moonlight at the moment. Never have I felt more alive—" Fischl pries herself off of Collei immediately... "than at this very—"

...only to immediately plunge face-first towards the ground.

Collei catches her by the wrist. "You need medical attention. We can celebrate later."

Fischl complains something incoherent.

"Um, Mr. Oz, sir," Collei says to Oz. "I don't know if this will work, but can you fly to get help while I help Fischl here?"

"With Mein Fraulein in her current state, I may be a little disoriented as well," Oz says. "But I will most certainly try, Lady Collei. Do you have any particular instructions?"

Collei scratches her head. "Um... look for anyone who looks like a forest ranger. Especially if he has long ears and a tail? My mentor, Master Tighnari, will know what to do."

"I see. I will fly at my utmost speed, milady. In the time being, the Prinzessin is in safe hands with you. We will be reunited posthaste. Princess! I will return as soon as I am able!"

Oz ascends into the air, makes several wobbly circles, hits a tree only four times, and is gone from sight in what will (hopefully) (eventually) (maybe) be the correct direction.

Meanwhile, Collei tends to Fischl, making sure she stays down and in the shade as she carefully administers some water and rations.

There's a pained look in Fischl's eye as her clumsy hand rises towards Collei and fails to take the proffered pita pocket; Collei resorts to just slowly feeding her herself. Collei's gone from being scared of Fischl's initial touch, to handling Fischl's every movement for her (or occasionally restraining her when there's a glint of grandeur in Fischl's one visible eye). She might be an older girl, with a very emo-punk-princess fashion sense, but she's much less scary now that she's sedate.

"So you're really named Fischl," Collei says calmly, as Fischl turns her face away from the food, to signal being done. "Hm... that might be familiar. I don't know from where though..."

"My name... is a great badge of honor. It is very special to me. ...How do you know it?"

It sounds off somehow. Like a shaky halfway point between her two main modes of speaking.

"Hey, you just have to rest, okay? You don't have to think too hard for now. There'll be plenty of time later to figure out what we do next."

Fischl's face twinges as she brings a hand over her forehead. "Agh!"

"It's a lot of excitement," Collei says, glancing away nervously. "I'm sure it's not helping your concussion..."

"Collei... there's something else. There's something... something important!"

"That you're forgetting?" Collei asks. "Like what? Like you forgot to bring something?"

"No... I don't think so... Maybe?"

"...Are you forgetting a person? Wait, no! Stop thinking. Just sit. It'll be okay, Fischl. I have a good Master. He'll find us, even if Oz gets lost. He always hears me, and he'll know exactly how to help you! And, he'll want to meet you. Since you're my soulmate."

Fischl seems to brighten at that.

"And, soulmate..." Fischl's voice sounds weak. "You... did want to meet me too, right?"

Collei startles.

"Of course I wanted to meet you! I totally did! I've, um, been waiting for you to come. I've... been confined here because of some reasons, but I've been thinking about it a lot." Collei swallows some apprehension about physical touch, and just gets closer to gently cup Fischl's hands in her own, even though the skin contact makes Collei shudder. "I'm really, really, really glad you came to find me instead. I'm gonna like having a soulmate around. How old are you?"

"Eighteen," Fischl says gracefully.

"I'm— twelve. That is, uh, to the best of our knowledge. It's, um, a best guess."

Well then. Collei couldn't hold that down forever. Here's where Fischl gets to start discovering how weird all of the everything is with Collei and her body and her senses. It's going to be a floodgate of strange things about Collei from here.

Fischl squints. "Thou art not certain how old thou art?"

"Well— um— my Master says that's what he'd say, just from looking at me."

"But... thou looketh even younger than that, my Collei. Art thou certain his judgement is correct?"

Collei is embarrassed about the full reasons for it, and why "twelve" really is the best guess there is. Old enough for her experiences, but young enough to have the face that she does.

But what does she say to Fischl? What's Fischl's background like? Fischl surely cannot understand the first thing about being unloved, tortured, and objectified... she wouldn't know what it's like to have a name but not be able to be a person in any way that matters.

That raises the next question: How soon would it be appropriate for Collei to share that with the girl who is unlucky enough to be stuck with her? Fischl may look haunting and gothic, but she comes across as a city girl (Monstadt origin? Fontaine?) turned into a strong adventurer. Not someone who would understand the unimaginable. She doesn't seem privy to the underside of everything that is good.

"I'm... just a little bit scrawny for my age, haha. Master says I'm... a late bloomer? Haha? Something about, um, puberty?"

A knowing look flashes across Fischl's eyes. She suddenly looks very invested in what Collei is saying. "Thou hast not yet?—"

"Mien Fraulein!" cries an avian voice, as the shadow of a bird descends upon them. "Help has arrived!"

When they were separated from Fischl, Bennett and Razor didn't know what to do at first.

"Just my luck, just my luck!" Bennett frets. "Figures I'd get us into this."

Razor scratches at his head. He's never entirely certain how to handle Benny during his self-blaming moods. Why does Benny let himself feel bad? It make more sense to keep going and work at it! No let anything discourage!

"We don't know where Fischl is," Bennett says, as he paces the clearing. "I need to know if she's hurt or not! We need to go help her!"

"Razor want to follow smell of dogs," is all Razor can say.

"There's... dogs around?" Bennett asks. "We haven't seen any since being in Sumeru."

Razor smell dog. And it's unrelated, and probably won't bring them to Fischl, but he's kind of stuck with his instincts.

"Razor! Where are you going, man?!"

"I have to follow instincts! Smells! Benny please come with!"

Fischl and Collei, in the middle of their conversation, are greeted by an entourage of: one raven familiar, a few excitable forest ranger dogs, two human boys with Visions (one of the boys is running on the ground WITH the dogs), and, lastly, thank goodness, Master Tighnari.

"Fischl! Oh my gosh, you're okay!" The upright one of the two boys is kneeling over Fischl and placing a hand on her shoulder. "I worried the worst! I thought you were a goner!"

"Not a goner, um, she just has a really bad concussion. Erm, Master Tighnari? My soulmate has a concussion."

"Oh, your soulmate?" Tighnari says, his voice suddenly full of interest and not just raw confusion.

"Fischl's SOULMATE!" both of the boys yell at the same time, running up to look at Collei from either side of her.

Collei feels her face going flush. Fischl brought boys with her? That's uh... a lot of attention that's on her, suddenly...

"You! That's what I was forgetting!" Fischl points a finger at each boy. "I needed... to look for you!"

"But reason we come to Sumeru," the dog boy says, "is look for her. This definitely soulmate?"

Fischl grins and extends a hand to empty air. Collei knows she's the only other person who sees it, but there's a short golden thread connecting herself and Fischl.

"It's so awesome to meet you! My name's Bennett!"

The shorter of the boys — this beaming Bennett, with his goggles and numerous scratches and scars — throws his arms good-naturedly around Collei's shoulders.

Collei screams.

...

The forest clearing is silent in the aftermath of too many things happening all at once.

There is an electric fierceness and defensiveness in Fischl's pupil. She's sitting bolt upright, with a bow drawn as she looks around for the threat that isn't there. The air is charged with heavy static as her Vision lights up brightly.

Master Tighnari is not much different, save the fact that he's got frizzed-out fur and has gotten closer to Collei, down on her level, looking for the threat but also prepared to shield her with his own body if he finds the danger. (His reaction doesn't make rational sense. Master should know that this is solely because of Collei's phobia. Therefore, this must simply be a deep-rooted instinct that he has to protect her.)

The dog boy is standing just past Tighnari, and he's panting viciously. He glances anxiously from Collei to Fischl to Bennett and back again. The dogs around him are bristling as well. But, he is very confused.

Bennett has taken a massive step away from Collei and has his hands raised in the air. His expression looks baffled and horrified and ... sad. Very sad.

(Collei feels upset. It did not take very long at all for this to happen. She's already ruined something with how she is.)

The moment lasts far too long. It's only broken by Fischl, of all people, who dismisses her bow and says, in a soft and gentle tone, "Collei..."

...only to promptly take another face-plant towards the ground.

"Master— Master Tighnari. Can you please um... carry Fischl back to Gandharva Ville? I'm— too short to— um—"

"Shh, don't worry, about it, Collei. I've got it taken care of. Everything's going to be alright." Tighnari moves smoothly over to Fischl to scoop her up. It looks like it takes little effort. (Collei envies his height and body strength. It will be nice to be an adult one day, after puberty; or, at least, an adult like Fischl is.) "Everyone can come. My name is Tighnari, and I am Collei's caretaker and mentor. Gandharva Ville is where we and the other forest rangers live, and there's space for travelers to stay. You all are welcome for as long as you wish to stay."

Well. That diffuses a bit of tension. But nowhere near all of it.

Bennett whispers a very horrified apology to Collei.

She says, stammering, that it doesn't matter and that they can all just forget it happened.

Her words don't have the intended effect. Bennett hugs his own arms nervously. "I just thought... um... I got excited because we finally found you, and—"

"Bennett, it's fine. I said not to worry. It was just, uh, a bad reaction. It... really caught me off-guard! Haha!"

Bennett manages an unconvincing smile.

Collei's eyes water.

How soon... and how much explaining will she have to do?

On his other side, the dog boy falls back from where he'd been tailing Tighnari.

His eyes grow big as he gets a proper look at Collei and says, quietly, "Hi."

"Hi," Collei says back.

Bennett perks up, like this is something he can talk about that he doesn't have to feel awkward about, at all. "This is Razor! He's my best friend. We go lots of places with Fischl. We're more or less all part of the Adventurers' Guild in Monstadt together, and... we decided to come with Fischl, to take care of her while she looked for you."

"You're all from Monstadt!" Collei squeals.

"Uh... yeah! Are you... um... a fan?"

Bennett's words sound stunted again.

"I went to Monstadt once! I haven't travelled in, like, a year, but I have some really nice memories from being in Monstadt. It's one of the things I think about it every day basically!" Collei's hand wanders to her Vision at her side — the Vision that she wears just the way Outrider Amber does. "It's really important to me!"

"Make perfect sense," Razor says. "Razor knew at first sniff that Collei smells like Monstadt."

"Monstadt has a smell? Like, one smell?"

"Collei smell like freedom," Razor says, like it's the most obvious thing in the world, and like there isn't a single contradictory thing about the idea that it could ever be anybody's first impression of Collei.

And yet, Collei supposes, she likes it, and could get used to the association of her being a girl who is free.

"Alright, everyone. Sounds like the hustle is dying down a bit. Fischl doesn't seem too bad, if you say she is, ah, how did you put it, Bennett?"

"Oh. Um. Fischl's always sort of... grandiose, is how she describes herself."

"...Right. Well, if that's so, and she isn't abnormal, then she just needs to rest somewhere..."

Collei creeps up close to tap Tighnari on the elbow.

"Um... Master... if it's alright... I would like to take care of Fischl."

"Excellent idea, Collei! Tell me, what are three things you will do for her?"

"Mix her a mild pain reliever, keep her hydrated, and make sure she's not bothered by light or noise." Collei still feels jittery, but focusing on a task (and recognizing the familiarity of Tighnari's "mentor mode" — never easy on her, but always soft somehow) is helping her through it. "You can put her in my hut. I'll take care of her there."

Collei feels exhausted from a day that seems like it's gone by in a flash.

In a daze, she sets up some blankets and such of her own on the floor.

Fischl gets the bed, no question. She's injured.

"I'm going to keep it nice and dark in here. Please let me know if you need anything."

Fischl staggers one way and the other in a delirious daze.

Why is she standing up?! Master had deposited her in the bed!

"Hey," Collei says, walking right up to her and placing both hands on her shoulders. "You need to sit down!"

"You... but you're... scared of touch? Why are you touching me?"

"Erm." Collei glances both ways before lifting her hands away. "Please, please sit back down! You're already hurt."

"So it isn't as bad when you're... touching someone else? Interesting... I must know more..."

"You have a concussion! Please stop thinking. You should just relax instead!"

Fischl pouts at her. This girl is just so strange... But she complies, and sits down on the edge of Collei's bed.

Collei grumbles. She'd really rather Fischl lie down to rest. Partly just so Collei can rest too, but Collei convinces herself that this is more about her worry over Fischl.

Fischl does not rest.

She leans over to peruse the stacks of books in and on top of Collei's small bookcase. "Thou art a devoted reader?"

"This is embarassing, but... I'm terrible at reading, kind of. I have to read a lot to try and get better."

It is a lot of books, for not even fifteen months of living under Tighnari's protection. But a lot of it is stuff like picture books, popular reading (Fontaine young-adult lit; light novels from Inazuma), and anthologies aimed at kids much younger than she is. There's also her textbooks, various academic texts and readers that Tighnari is trying to challenge her with (to little avail), and the more difficult novels she's given up or neglected.

It's very, very, very far from the grandest bookshelf in Sumeru. It may even be shameful for someone of her apparent age of ten or so.

But Fischl must see one book that stands out, because she grabs it immediately.

Oh wait. That book? ...What is it about that book?

Collei sees the cover, and she reads the title.

...Oh.

Oh no.

Everything falls into place in Collei's mind.

The slight tone of familiarity at hearing the mere name.

The affected manner of speaking.

The gothic dress, the...

The...

The raven...

"Thou art already in possession of the holy text?" Fischl says, as she cradles in her arms the book Flowers for Princess Fischl, with her raven familiar peering over her shoulder. "Fate has ordained many things for us, it seems."

No. Her soulmate cannot be roleplaying a book character. That's not what happening. That is NOT what's happening.

"Um... Fischl... um..."

She has to have a different name somewhere. Fischl CAN'T seriously be her real name. There has to be something else Collei could call her! Something, anything else!

"Truly we are bound by fate, that you would already know the tale—"

"I haven't read it."

"...What?"

"I— um. It's hard. I got stuck... really early on."

"Well then. One will simply have to help you through?"

There's a smile. Gratification. Fischl seems pleased, for the opportunity that she can be the one to read through and explain this bloated, bizarre novel that she has apparently built her entire self around... but Collei is nothing but terrified.

"Yeah," Collei says, feeling the secondhand embarassment, but a weird kind of happy from it all the same. It feels like Fischl is taking her in and giving her shelter, in a way. Approval instead of judgement. "Um. We can do it, but... I might need a lot of help."

Fischl suddenly twinges, curling away from Collei. "Nngh..."

"Hey, Fischl. Um. Please, please lie down..."

Collei breathes for several minutes of silence, even though her mind is on fire with too many thoughts. This changes everything now that she knows Fischl.

Oh, but it's complicated...

After awhile, Fischl wakes up from her brief nap.

"Show me... what else is in your room..." Fischl's eye looks glassy as she speaks. Collei would guess that she really just needs to pass out already, but is fighting it with everything that she is. "Was that... an altar, near your door? Thou hast a patron deity?"

In a rescued, sturdied wooden crate, Collei has built and decorated a shrine of mossy stones from deep in the forest, adorned with things like plants gathered daily (sustainably! always sustainably!), some sparkly knicknacks from the Bazaar, a miniature of the Rukkhadevata statues seen around Sumeru, and some tealight candles that she's burned down very low. Sometimes she burns incense, too, but only kinds that Master says won't have bad effects on her constitution, since Kusanali definitely wouldn't approve of Collei making herself unwell just for the sake of worship.

"Yeah," Collei says softly. It's a little bit personal, but she doesn't mind Fischl seeing it, since she's not ashamed of this part of who she is. "I'm a follower of the Dendro Archon... um, well, both of them, in a way. I observe Greater Lord Rukkhadevata even though she's gone, and I worship Lesser Lord Kusanali because she's the current one, even though... um... she's reclusive and nobody's heard from her. The Dendro Archon gave me my Vision, since my element is Dendro... and, she also has helped take care of me, since Sumeru is where I live. I'm a... Master says the word for me is 'repatriate'?"

"Thou art from Sumeru, originally."

"Yeah! And then I, uh, kind of wandered for a long time. A lot of years went by and I never really felt right. But I think now, I'm finally home."

"Home..."

Collei looks over to find Fischl staring at the ceiling.

Collei notices that her bed is ever so slightly too short for her soulmate. And that's the only place Fischl has to sleep in! Crap.

"Thou must really love the Dendro Archons," Fischl says, sounding weary but also fond of Collei.

Then Fischl makes a funny snort. Is she laughing?!

"...and a suspicious quantity of books, for a self-proclaimed 'terrible reader.'"

"Hey!" Collei says. "I already explained that!"

Fischl turns onto her side. "Good night... soulmate."

"Um, good night... Fischl." Collei doesn't know how she's going to sleep. Or how to get through the coming weeks with Fischl's absurdity. Or if she's happy or upset about all this. And Fischl probably wants to hug her, and Collei can't even give her that much... and, wait, what do they even do with their life next, now that they know each other?

Collei curls up on her own pile of pillows and blankets (her hut may be small but it is cozy and well-equipped) and grabs Cuilein-Anbar close. She's not comfortable with Fischl yet. And all of this is scary... so scary...

...but, she can grab a little nap for the time being. Worry about everything later.

Fischl awakens in a dazed state.

Her head is pounding something terrible... but more importantly, where in Teyvat is she? She feels like she can't even move... Her whole body is numb...

There's a squeaky voice that's a little bit familiar, like someone she's met just recently. She can't pin a name on it though...

Fischl is alone, frightened, and out of her depth. She has no words to guide her. Oz is not appearing even though she keeps trying to summon him. She's helpless, and... and in a bad state, physically.

Most concerningly, why does she understand immediately that she's in hell, without her needing to gather any information about this at all?

Fischl startles.

Hands! Hands on her body!

The hands are gloved. No skin touches her own. The air is flooded with the stifling smell of some overbearing chemical.

She doesn't get what's going on but she's going to be sick. And Fischl hates being sick! And she hates the idea that she could ever be pinned down, or trapped, or that her own greatness and abilities and Vision would ever fail to be enough to keep her safe!

The hands start to remove a layer of her clothing in spite of her wrenching around. Since she's shackled down, her wrists and ankles restrained tight, it obviously isn't a straightforward task for someone to take any of her clothes off -- which is why there's a slender pair of shears involved, cutting methodical lines wherever is necessary in order to cut her clothing free. The scissors only slice through fabric, never so much as nicking her skin, but something about that -- something about the care, the precision -- makes everything going on here even worse.

Because if her skin is somehow too precious to be cut, what kind of horrible thing is in store for her?

And yet, she has the feeling that there isn't anything debaucharous, about to happen. (She'd use a euphemism like "indecent" except for the fact that whatever happens to her is surely still going to be abhorrent.) But even so she is absolutely sickened, unable to tolerate the touching and close inspection that is soon to come.

The man walks directly in front of her.

Fischl sees only a mask. A bad mask that she knows she hates deep inside her bones and with every fiber of her being even though she doesn't know who this is.

She hates him, she hates him, she hates him! She hates what he's done and she hates what he stands for!

Fischl suddenly convulses and wrenches to one side; she can't even look at him any more.

Her blurred vision stabilizes; she can see what's next to her more clearly even though it's a little far away (well, okay, any distance feels far, when she's in this powerless position).

Her limp hand, with a gossamer thread trailing off of it, flickers from silver to gold to back again, never quite close enough to stay the color it is meant to be...

Collei.

It was never Fischl's nightmare. Collei is present, and Fischl has failed to protect her. Collei is going to be touched, and prodded, and cut and pricked and made to cry. There is nothing Fischl can do to intervene. Fischl has, within the confines of a single day, already failed to protect Collei from all the things she should have prevented from happening long before this.

Fischl wakes up!

She's on her side, facing the floor where Collei sleeps. Collei is awake too, staring right back at her.

The girl who looked so cute, so heroic by day... reduced to a fragile heap of skinny limbs and messy green hair in the shadows.

She's just a kid, Archons damn it all... nothing more than a girl clutching a cat plushie in her sleep. Who is this small girl to already be hurt so badly? And who is this so badly-hurt girl to already be trying so hard to be a hero to her instead? And how does she have a Vision — is the story benign, or is it one of facing yet another horror?

Neither of them say a word. It's the dead of night.

All is quiet in Gandharva Ville...

Fischl's one visible eye is locked on Collei, as she watches tears trail down Collei's face.

This is miserable.

Fischl reaches out. Not to touch Collei, but just to see the thread, to know it's there. It's golden now, without a hint of losing color.

Collei blinks and more tears spill out of her eyes. Fischl is too sad to cry.

Fischl closes her eye and tries to sleep and hopes that, together, they can make some sense of this in the morning.

Fischl forgets in the morning.

So does Collei.

Chapter Text

Morning.

Ouch.

Collei wakes up stiff. Why does she feel weird? What did she do to cause a flareup? Wait, why is she on the floor?

Fischl!

Collei gave her bed to Fischl. That's why.

Collei goes outside for a second, and then comes back in and decides to take care of Fischl first-thing. She's still asleep, but Collei has decided to wake her up, gently, to ask if she needs anything. Then she can let Fischl continue to sleep. All day, if she wants to. Collei's still processing.

"Fischl." Collei ooches up to Fischl and uses one finger to very, very lightly trace at a corner of her face. "How do you feel?"

"Mmmgh? Bah!" Fischl startles and is suddenly sitting upright; her raven is with her, having appeared in a burst of feathers and magic. "My— oh, my cherished soulmate! Today is the day our odyssey begins in earnest, for I, Fischl... uh..."

"How is your head?" Collei asks.

"Everything hurts," Fischl says pathetically.

Collei gives her some herbal medication she has on hand for general pain, and tells her to lie back down.

"So that's it?" Fischl asks. "I have to stay like this until... until I'm better?"

"Just think of it as a sick day," Collei explains simply. "There's no rush."

"Forgive us," says Oz the raven. "But we... are not used to sitting still for so long, after having already rested all night."

"Do you not really have sick days?" Collei asks, hearing the squeak in her voice as the last note pitches up higher than she'd anticipated.

"Dear Collei, Mein Fraulein is not kept down very much by even a common cold. She's traveled the lands and become hardy in nature. The concept of extended bedrest is foreign to her."

"But," Collei says, sounding panicky, "she needs to rest. The concussion was only yesterday..."

"I, Fischl, am starving," Fischl says, swinging her legs out of bed. "Dear soulmate, what is... the food ritual, in this Gandharva Ville? Ought we hunt some game of our own, perhaps?"

"Fischl," Collei says, failing to warn her in time as Fischl is out of bed and staggering towards the doorway.

"Oomph!"

Fischl hits the doorway and stumbles back onto the floor. Collei is there with her in an instant even though her own body is hurting on the inside, deep in her bones.

"I'll get you food," Collei tells her. "You're still disoriented."

Fischl grumbles as Collei slinks towards the doorway. She's going to keep taking care of Fischl. For as long as she can. Before her own flareup gets worse...

Then, Collei's ankle catches on Fischl's travel bag that got left on the floor last night!

Razor and Benny are up early after sleeping on an open deck of Gandharva Ville where some blankets had been laid down for them. The fox man is there soon and he tells them that after they eat (breakfast is from a big pot of some rice dish with a lot of mushrooms in it!) and Mr. Tighnari tells them about the wild plants and mushrooms to not eat, and then the ones to extra especially not eat. A lot of them are poisonous and some more poisonous than others. Razor has eated enough bad things (and had enough upset nights from it) that he listens closely. Razor bad at listening but Mr. Tighnari says important things and he's the mentor of the soulmate of Fischl so that makes him important to Razor and Benny (especially Benny, because Razor finds Tighnari important for fox reasons).

There's some plants Tighnari wants Razor and Benny to find fresh for Collei and Fischl for healer reasons and as medicine for Collei (a little confusing but Razor tries to ignore the confusion). It would be Collei's job but Collei busy taking care of Fischl. That much, Razor understand.

When they're out in the woods, Razor keep careful watch while Benny finds things to put in bag. Razor cannot protect Benny from Benny curse, but Razor can protect Benny from all other thing!

Bennett harvests shelf-like mushrooms and the like, for Fischl and Collei (Razor not remember).

But while they are out, Benny says, "Hey, Razor..."

Razor had been looking away, watching out for danger, but now he turns back to Benny. "Hm?"

"...What do you think is wrong with Collei?"

Collei yelps, losing all balance.

She's falling! She's falling and it's going to bruise her! And she'll probably really be having a flareup and NOT be able to hide it!

The instant before she hits the floor, however, a harmless fuzzy feeling tingles across her whole body. Collei finds herself stable on her feet, as a dusting of feathers dissipates from around her. She turns to look at the culprit.

Fischl is sitting upright, her messy hair bristling with static, and one of her palms planted on the wall of the hut to support her. She has a focused glare as the energy from her Vision sparks around her. Her chest heaves with labored panting. She was not supposed to be using her Vision, but she saw Collei about to fall and intervened without even needing to touch her.

She did that...

The question is heavy in the air like humidity or sound of bad thing coming. Razor not sure if good question, and he can't keep himself from bristling.

"Collei not like being touched!" Razor says. That could be beginning and end of it. Could explain all.

"No, no, I mean... Um." Bennett scratches the back of his own head. "There's gotta be a reason, right? I mean... she reacted... really badly. I feel terrible about it. And, we're getting stuff for medicine for her, right? Do you think that's related? Or is it something totally different? Did I... hurt her somehow?"

Razor not know. Maybe Benny just scare Collei.

Razor pout. Benny have a point...

"Razor think... Collei hurt because some other thing."

Benny looks up at an outcrop of the flowering vine he's gathering from.

"I just, feel bad, is all. I don't know how to make it up to her. Maybe... I should stay away from her, so I don't make things worse?"

Benny curse very real. Razor never hurt badly by the curse, but maybe he just used to the danger from it. Razor have good instinct for pushing Benny away from snapping branch or lightning strike. Razor know how to keep self and friend safe from large amount of small disaster that follow Benny everywhere he go.

Razor not like this plan, though. It seem wrong.

"Collei nice but little lonely. She need friends?"

Benny lets out a grumbling sound.

Then his face lights up. He clutches Razor's hands, tightly!

"You could— you could be our go-between! So I don't have to get too close to Collei! Just explain to her anything from me!"

Razor like Collei. But Razor extra not like this plan.

"What if Collei ask?" Razor pleads. "How do avoid hurt Collei's feeling?"

Bennett's happy expression fades.

"You're right," he says after a moment. "I can't really... put that on you. I might keep a little bit distant from her though. If that's okay."

Razor think no. He think Collei want more friend! Collei seem like no parents and no siblings, and nobody around like her, even if her teacher very good.

Razor think that Mr. Tighnari trying to be all thing for Collei. He doing good job for impossible task, but not same thing as Collei have many friend.

"Razor think Collei want us stay. ALL us," Razor growls.

"How could she just want friends? If she's been hurt before, she should stay away from me!"

Razor nods. "I remember when lose my Lupical. I was very lonely." Razor scratches at his arm absentmindedly. "We close enough through Fischl to all be part of same Lupical."

Soulmates not always same thing as Lupical. But both good. Razor know that much. Razor have to make do with new Lupical, after losing soulmate Lupical.

"You two boys!" roars a fierce voice. "Watch out!"

Razor turn in time to see huge deformed riftwolf (evil wolf! not living thing! not from normal world!) bearing down on him.

"Fischl," Collei says, too grateful (and surprised by that creative display of a Vision power!) to be self-loathing or say that Fischl should have just let her take the fall or anything like that. "Thank you! That could have been really bad! Oh, but..."

One of Fischl's arms covers her stomach. Her other hand is plastered to her forehead.

"Please, you'd better lie back down..."

Collei helps Fischl settle back in place.

As she does so, she waves her hand over patches of Fischl's skin, doing what she can to dispel the lingering elemental energy and just get her to rest as a normal person would...

...and Fischl stares back at her, one-eyed and looking like she still does not comprehend the presence of this scrawny, sunken-faced soulmate who's taking care of her.

Razor skips right over pulling out his broadsword and instead going straight to activating his Vision. Air crackles with lightning tension as a composite soul (all that remains of his Lupical) forms over his back, large and lupine and clawed and fanged.

Battle fierce and harsh and back-and-forth. Razor rip several big gash in riftwolf. Its flesh keeps reforming as if thing never happened!

Razor howls and keeps fighting it off. Benny there too, swinging at it with fire sword and preparing big heal to keep Razor on feet. But Razor not able to fight with spirit for long.

Razor pull out broadsword and hold it in very tight grip. Razor up against bad wall...

"JUDGEMENT IS UPON YOU!"

Electro-purple claws appear and gouge the wolf from the inside outwards. If it were a living creature, there would be carnage everywhere. Instead, it's finally ripped apart and dissipates.

Razor sees clearly now their rescuer.

Larger spirit of dog (not a wolf but some other dog). Below spirit, man with hat with dog ears?? Bare chest and very foreign clothing. Many smells. Some icky. But icky smells not important, because...

HE IS LIKE RAZOR!!

Razor runs in a quick circle and lets out a couple of barks. (He them from slipping out around humans most of the time. They slip out now though.)

"You have an interesting power," man say to Razor. "It looks similar to mine. I doubt that they are the same in nature, though, except for both clearly being tied to our Visions." He pauses to give it a longer thought. "...That's funny. Superficially, they are EXTREMELY similar..."

Razor notices the man's Electro Vision. Just like Fischl's, but more importantly, just like Razor's?!

Razor is aware of Bennett behind him, trying to hide and appear smaller.

"That riftwolf this far into the woods and close to Gandharva Ville is an anomaly. It escaped from a man who shouldn't have been toying with any such thing. If my knowledge is correct, there won't be any more... but keep a close lookout, just in case."

Every word sounds strong and fierce and brilliant.

Razor want to cry. This man amazing.

Razor creeps close. "...Who... name?"

"I am Cyno, the General Mahamatra of Sumeru. All wrongdoers eventually answer to me. You two seem like nothing more than peaceful adventurers, though. Are you staying at Gandharva Ville?"

"Yes!" Razor yaps. "Cyno come with?!"

"Razor!" Bennett whispers. "It's 'General'! Call him 'General'!"

"I can escort both of you. That is where I am heading as well."

Razor ask, "Why General come to Gandharva?"

"It's nothing. Just personal business."

Bennett whispers in Razor's ear a sentence that contains "stop" and "scary." Razor doesn't hear it.

Razor ask, "What kind personal business?"

"I'm just going to see somebody."

Razor ask excitedly, "Mr. General going to go see Collei?!"

"RAZOR!" Bennett yells, before clapping his hands over his mouth.

He immediately feels mortified, angry, and scared all at once. So, so scared. And then Razor turns to face him with a guilty, tormented expression that makes Bennett feel even worse.

Bennett tries to salvage it. "We should... um... protect Collei's privacy and... um..."

Protect her. They should keep this scary man away from Collei. Bennett barely knows anything, but he really feels like Collei is a very small girl who would be frightened by this very hardened General.

"Hm. As a matter of fact, I am going to see Collei. I am expected shortly."

"Razor, you don't think that... um... the scary guy should... we should keep him away from Collei?" Bennett whispers.

There's no way Cyno didn't overhear it. The man doesn't appear offended. "Are you friends of Collei's? That's very good. She needs other kids to spend time with."

Bennett feels himself sweating fire. Also, did Cyno just prove Razor correct? "Please... Mr. Mahamatra, sir... uhm... I'm really sorry... um..."

"It's usual for children to be terrified of me," Cyno says, finally just sounding disappointed. The mask of neutrality has slipped. "Just play nice with Collei, and we won't have any issues. That is all."

"COLLEI!" Bennett yells, running into the village as fast as he can. "Collei— I'm really sorry to scare you— but there's this man who says he's coming to see you and he looks really scary?!"

Collei stiffens up with a gasp. Master is busy checking up on something else... and now she's taking care of Fischl while she's having an Eleazar flareup... Oh gosh oh Archons. Sure, Bennett has a Vision too, but are they even enough to defend themselves right now?

"What does he look like?" Collei squeaks.

"He— um — pale hair— a Vision— his voice is super intimidating?!"

Not. Helping.

Collei's mind jumps to one person but her rationality really, really hopes that isn't the case. It can't possibly be! It can't! Collei doesn't ever want to see him ever again!

"Cyno, my man!" Tighnari declares, on the other side of the village, pulling Cyno in for a hearty, back-slapping hug that he obviously doesn't do for Collei.

Cyno accepts and returns it whole-heartedly.

"Are you holding yourself together alright?" Tighnari asks.

"I'm fine," Cyno says. "But thanks for the concern."

"Are you staying for dinner? They're making you take off more days now, right?"

Cyno gives a noncommittal grunt.

"Cyno," Tighnari says, his voice going more tense. "Answer me."

"I'm... not here to stay. I just need to see Collei for her checkup. After that, it's back to this one case I'm working on..."

"Aw, boo." Tighnari releases Cyno, seemingly just to give him a quick shove to the shoulder. "Take a vacation day. Do it soon."

Cyno doesn't have that many hobbies. He doesn't know what he's going to do with an entire day off. Except maybe sit around with Tighnari and listen to him talk about his oftentimes-more-pleasant line of work. Or go see the other soulmates if they're not busy tearing their house down with another argument. Or Collei, if she works up the courage.

But... no, there's too much work to do. Evil never rests.

Tighnari sees Collei approaching now. The nervous goggles kid from before is with her too, looking slightly relieved.

"See, Bennett?" Collei tells him. "He's a friend of Master's. Um... and my friend too."

Collei whispers something Cyno doesn't hear. Bennett looks at Collei with surprise on his face.

"Master Tighnari, please look after Fischl for me while the General gives me my checkup."

Collei isn't meeting Cyno's eyes today. Some days she can, but not always. She's a brave girl for doing this anyways, but this isn't ever good.

Some of these days just about break Cyno's heart...

They sit in a place that would be comforting for Collei to be in (nearby waterfall, tree stump, clear signs of forest ranger activity such as Tighnari's homemade signs) and Collei takes off the very sparkly choker that she's wearing. It's one that covers most of the skin on her neck.

"That's a very nice accessory, Collei," Cyno says.

Cyno is sitting behind Collei. All he sees from her is a quick nod.

"Do you wear it because you like it?"

"O-of course I do. That's why I wear any of my accessories. Why else, haha?"

"That isn't how I meant it. Your seal will be effective regardless of if it's covered or not. Wear your choker if it makes you happy and you like it, but there's no reason you have to hide the seal."

Collei is silent.

"Now," Cyno says. "Are you ready, Collei?"

Collei lets out a whimper, but her head bobs as she nods hurriedly.

Cyno, feeling with every ounce of his being the regret of having to do this, lays the entire palm of his hand over the back of Collei's neck, concealing the circular seal from sight but revealing its integrity (and the murderous thing squirming around deep inside) to him in full...

...and Collei, for her part, bristles upright, and her skin becomes covered in goosebumps, but she is brave enough to not pull away from Cyno.

Cyno gives Collei some space to breathe, and she winds up bumping into that boy Bennett who's been freaking out so bad. Cyno overheard some things, and now he can't just not say anything.

"If she isn't scared of you," Cyno tells Bennett, "then you should be her friend, the way that I can't."

Cyno isn't good with emotions, but he hopes he's telling this terrified boy the right thing.

"Mr. General... I'm cursed. She would only hurt more because of me. People hurt because of me. I'm only comfortable hanging around the people who are honest when they say they don't mind it, like... like Razor. Or, people like Fischl, who always seem prepared enough to deal with it."

"Collei has survived malice and cruelty beyond the imagination of any soul from polite society," Cyno says succinctly. "I can sense that you carry no such thing in your heart. Perhaps you may bring fire and disaster, but such things are of little discouragement to a dedicated survivalist. Even though Collei is a bit young, you would do better than to doubt her abilities."

"But... but... the pain! And hating touch!"

"She'll conquer her fear easier if she can surround herself with friends! It numbs the pain for her as well. Isolation is her enemy." Cyno's voice sounds like a little bit of a growl. "You are a boy who brings only mild disasters! You think that she who has survived torture is so timid that she would be so afraid of the likes of you? To Collei, the misfortunes you bring cause no more annoyance than a papercut or broken quill! Give her your friendship!"

Razor sits on a bench, feeling sad. The only other person nearby is Mr. Tighnari.

"Mr. Forest Watcher," Razor says, pouting up at Tighnari. "Why Collei not like Cyno?"

Tighnari's ear flicks downwards. "It's more complicated than that, because... Collei does like him. She owes him... well, her life, and her freedom, and ultimately her happiness. She will admit to that any day. And, he's also the person who brought her to me, so that's a special connection between all three of us."

"She scared of him! She go with him even though scared!"

"...Yes. Sometimes there is a time to willingly go to something scary."

"Like when?!"

"...Well, if you know for a fact that someone is trying to help you. Even if they are a little scary."

"But why Collei scared? Cyno not scary except to bad monster!"

"There's some bad memories. It isn't Cyno's fault."

"Cyno Mr. Tighnari's soulmate... but Collei not fear Mr. Tighnari?"

Tighnari looks down at Razor. He really does feel sorry for the empathetic little guy... does he have soulmates of his own, he wonders? Surely that Bennett kid could be one (maybe the only one, come to think of it). Maybe Razor will come to understand Collei's plights... or, maybe he won't be able to, in the end.

"Cyno and I," Tighnari says, "are both equally like guardians to Collei. The difference is... to her, my touch has always meant freedom from her pain."

"What Cyno do to her?"

"He hurt her," Tighnari says somberly, "but in a way she asked him to, and in order to limit the harms done to her by those who have hurt her far worse."

Collei slinks back to her hut, avoiding unnecessary interactions. She's already said goodbye to an apologetic Cyno, and thanked him again for it all (for freeing her, and, as always, for bringing her to Tighnari's protection).

Cyno will pass on a message to Tighnari (if his ears haven't overheard) that Collei is not able to put off her flareup any longer, however. The pain is spiking. She needs her medicines... which means there's one person she can no longer avoid.

Fischl wakes up from napping just as Collei is back inside the hut. "Soulmate..."

"Shh. Fischl. Go back to sleep. Don't worry about me."

"Mine Collei... we have much to discuss... what is of our future? A grand journey across Teyvat?"

"That sounds amazing, Fischl. But you really need to rest right now. You still have a concussion."

"Thine Prinzessin is feeling notably better!" Fischl proclaims, emboldened by her rest. "Worry not, little Ranger, for I, Fischl—"

"Please! Stop!"

Fischl draws in a breath.

Did Collei... just sound angry at her?

"I-I-I'm really sorry, Fischl." Collei is shaking her hands, as her voice wobbles. "I'm sorry... I shouldn't have spoken like that..."

"Mine soulmate... something is wrong? ...Thou art the one needing rest now?"

"Yes, but, you rest too. You're not recovered. Please rest! I'm just trying to take care of you!"

Fischl sits up, watching Collei fumble with some containers on the dresser. "Thine own hands tremble?"

"Please don't offer to help me with it. I don't think I can even stand to be touched by Master Tighnari right now. Please, please..."

"There is more than just the phobia?" Fischl says. "Thou hast a... condition?"

Collei slides the fabric covers off of her arms. Fischl peers forward in the half-shadows.

There, on Collei's skin...

Wow.

"Thou hast scales, like... a glistening serpent, or a princess of dragons."

Fischl thinks she overhears an "eurgh" noise from Collei, but it's nearly imperceptible, so she's not sure.

The scales are black and diamond-shaped, overlapping with each other. They're only on the tops of Collei's arms, but Fischl thinks they look pretty, except for where there is inflamed skin around the edges.

"I appreciate the effort at complimenting me." Collei gives Fischl a glance that's too dull to be a glare but so miserable and resigned that Fischl cannot help but want to cry at it. How defeated Collei is... and how miserable she sounds for it. "But what I have isn't a good thing to try and find anything positive about. There is no upside. It's a disease."

"A sickness... mine soulmate..."

"I'm not planning on leaving anytime soon, but it is, technically, terminal." Collei's erratically-shaking hand is slapping some salve over the skin, and into the scales on her forearm, but half of it misses and lands on the dresser. "...and it's better that you know sooner rather than later. It would be wrong of me to hide it from my soulmate."

Terminal?

Fischl's soulmate has a terminal disease?

...

No, no... That won't do. It cannot possibly be that way. Fischl wants a soulmate who is as immortal as she is... they need all the time in Teyvat together... don't tell her Collei shall die a young death!

"It's giving me nerve damage on the tops of my arms. I still feel pain as it spreads, but... it isn't, um, contagious. You don't have to worry about picking anything up from me. I promise."

Fischl is unconcerned with the idea of contagion. It's not the thing that bothers her most here.

"Mine Collei, I... I simply refuse to believe it. ...That I could lose you."

"I'm prolonging it as much as I can, because I don't want to die either. I think though... that I've learned to live with the knowledge." Collei's voice cracks. "I'd rather know that I'm going to die sooner than everybody else, and want really, really badly to stay... than want to die instead. My life is much, much different than what it used to be."

Fischl stares at Collei massaging salve between scales on both arms. It's a clumsy, wasteful job.

(She also sees that, whereas the scales are on the tops of her arms... the undersides have scattered scars, stitches, and scratches. Archons almighty. Fischl hopes and hopes they weren't self-inflicted... but, then, the question is: who hurt her Collei?)

Fischl feels deep fire burning within her, in enough directions that it's confusing... she wants to find a way to cure Collei's illness, or she wants to find a way to cure Collei's fear of touch so that Fischl can at least do the personal care for her, or she wants to find that unnamed person who's tormented her so and get his hands off of Collei so she won't have the phobia, or she wants to go back in time itself and stop whatever bad things happened to give Collei so many issues. She wants Collei to live forever and she wants to slap her past self for not coming to Collei sooner.

And, selfishly, part of Fischl just wants Collei to like her.

She doesn't dare say "I really want to do that for you" as she watches Collei do it, even though the fire burns in her heart and Collei is clearly hurting more for having to do it herself. For now, the most Fischl does is move off the cot and onto the bedding on Collei's floor. Collei had given Fischl the bed even with her disease; but now, Fischl realizes that Collei should have it in all circumstances, any time this kind of issue comes up.

And for once, this selfless, comfort-sacrificing girl takes the proffered gesture. "Thank you, Fischl."

"Nap through the afternoon, soulmate. Don't let anything else trouble you."

"Y... yeah."

It's getting harder and harder. Fischl can make these gestures so small that they are barely of significance. They don't fix anything. She still understands Collei to be uncomfortable and... well, there's some other negative word to put there, about how Collei sees Fischl, that Fischl really doesn't want to think about.

Collei probably looks at Fischl and, well, cringes.

Fischl has gotten used to not caring about other people's secondhand embarrassment. As far is she cares, that's their problem, not hers. But if Collei finds her insufferably over-the-top, then that's probably the first thing in years that injures Fischl's pride on a deep, sensitive, personal level. In fact, Fischl probably needs to decide how she'll deal with this: Does she just make herself more normal for Collei? Does she sacrifice pieces of herself for Collei's personal comfort?

What will it take to finally bring them close? Fischl knows she still can't make herself busy without Collei fretting (the concussion is still recent).

So she lay down on her bedding in the slanted afternoon lighting, and listens to the sounds of Collei breathing through the pain, and tries to get used to the fact that Collei is going to die one of these days.

Fischl starts making a plan, deep inside her head. She'll have to talk to Collei and talk to Tighnari too. But maybe, just maybe, they can begin a pursuit of immortality together sometime soon...

Then Fischl startles. Is that, behind her head... a hand that isn't her own, absently playing with one of Fischl's pigtails?

Does Collei even know she is doing it? How does she feel about it? Does Fischl's hair look pretty to her? Is it comforting to play with? Is she envious?

(She shouldn't be. Collei's own green hair looks perfectly right on her.)

...Archons, bless this scrappy little soulmate of hers.

Fischl closes her eyes and pretends to sleep. She'll cherish whatever their bond turns out to be, for as long as Collei is alive. There is nothing else to do.

Chapter Text

At night, Collei asks Fischl if she wanted to read out loud or tell her any stories to help her fall asleep.

She regrets it when Fischl talks about the Immernachtreich for an hour straight, and how Collei's place in it as a great ranger beside Fischl on her throne will make her immortal, and how she and Fischl, at last united, will rule over the dark realm of ravens forever.

It doesn't help Collei sleep. Something about the story doesn't feel right (it's kind of dark), and it doesn't feel like there's a lot of "Collei" reflected in it either.
Collei can't help but be embarassed on Fischl's account. Does Fischl... really believe this stuff?

"How are you doing today, Collei?" Tighnari asks in the morning, stooping down to Collei's level, his tail wagging behind himself from obvious happiness. Fischl folds her arms and watches the wholesome interaction without saying anything.

"Um. My body is starting to feel better! But..." Collei scrunkles her nose up. "I think I had some kind of rough dream?"

Fischl feels her grip on her own arms tighten. A "rough dream" sounds familiar. Fischl has hazy memory of some really bad vision of Collei thrashing and screaming in place as somebody did something to her...

"Hmm. What kind of dream?"
"Um! I think I was just having a temper tantrum in it or something."

A temper tantrum? If Collei is referring to what Fischl thinks she saw, then "temper tantrum" sounds like a very invalidating, minimizing way of framing Collei's distressed reaction to a horrible torment. Fischl can't even imagine it in detail anymore, it's slipping so quickly from her memory, but she's haunted by the lasting hazy sense that Collei was in misery last night.

"It was really childish, come to think of it. I wouldn't say it's anything to worry about. How about you, um, Prinzessin? How did you sleep?"

Fischl's title sounds awkward and hesitant coming out of Collei's mouth.
Fischl starts to feel something is wrong.

Collei sits with Razor, Bennett, and her soulmate at breakfast (she doesn't miss the fact that Fischl greets both of her other companions with hugs and then gives Collei only a smile). She and Fischl finally seem to be doing better (Collei's flareup died down overnight, after Tighnari checked up on her to give her extra medication; as for Fischl, the major symptoms of her concussion have gone away).

Collei doesn't know what to expect from today. She's around Fischl. Fischl is supposedly back to "normal." But Collei fully expects "normal" to still be very strange...

"So when we met Cyno," Bennett explains frantically, "there was this huge riftwolf, and Razor and I weren't gonna be able to take it down on our own! It was crazy!"

"Well, I should have been alongside you two, clearly," Fischl says, crossing her arms and kicking out her legs in front of her. "Who am I to abandon members of my retinue?"

Bennett shakes his head. "It was, um, really massive and scary!"

"Hmm..." Collei says thoughtfully.

"...Yes, soulmate?"

"Oh! Um... Nothing, nothing."

Fischl leans towards Collei with a prideful, "do go on" kind of grin as she cocks her one visible eyebrow. "Perhaps thou was also thinking of... an easy way to take it down?"

"Well! I don't know if it would work for sure, but... um... as an archer, do you know how you can just... um..."

"An arrow down its... gullet?"

"Yeah! An arrow down its... throat, and then, um, you make it explode--"

"With elemental energy--"

"Which isn't enough to take it down on its own, but..."

"...is bewildering enough, that two or three allies can more easily finish the slaying of the foul beast."

Collei blinks, leaning away from Fischl a bit. They haven't fought alongside each other yet, but are they really so like-minded? They're not similar on anything else, not even the bodies they have to fight with (Fischl seems so much stronger and more grown-up than Collei) but Fischl just followed Collei's ruthless, aim-for-the-kill, no-holds-barred line of thought perfectly, as though she's killed plenty of bad creatures herself.

"Fischl... um... you're an adventurer, right?"

"Mein Fraulein is a prized member of Monstadt's division of the Adventurer's Guild, performing many difficult and dangerous tasks, oftentimes alone. ...I fear that in her hypothetical situation just now, she has sold herself short, which is a rare occurence from Mein Fraulein."

"Oz! What ever could you mean?"

"...Well, I simply believe that Mein Fraulein is quite capable of taking down a large rifthound on her own."

Bennett, Razor, and Collei are all silent, as they look between Oz and a flabbergasted Fischl.

Fischl coughs. "A-hem. I have performed... a great many perilous feats on my lonesome. However, I am preferential to the company and safety of companions at all times. ...Just in case!"

Fischl ends it with a giggle. It's not a "ha ha" giggle, but a graceful, effortless, dignified vocalization.

Collei feels another stab of envy. Fischl is strange and even "cringey" to her overall, but she keeps feeling jealous, over the randomest things! Why does Fischl have to be sort of perfect?!

"And what of you, little soulmate? How did thine life lead you to this splendid occupation in the forests of Sumeru?"

"Oh! Umm... Well, General Cyno took me to live with Master Tighnari. That's... about all there is to it, haha! I love life in the forest. I don't feel penned in, and there's living things everywhere, and Master has been able to take really good care of me."

Fischl raises her brow. There's a few things there that are going unspoken. Fischl is the one who's seen Collei's illness to some degree, the little souvenirs from Monstadt around her room, the disorganized books (skewing a few years younger than Collei's reading level ought to be), and the pathetic chicken-scratch handwriting across the notes on her desk. Add to that the more obvious shame of Collei's haphephobia, and Fischl definitely has become aware that Collei is floundering and struggling at many different things.

Collei clears her throat and changes the subject with something else she's been wondering about. It seems a pretty obvious question to ask, in fact.
"Bennett... you and Razor... must be each other's soulmates, right? That must be nice, to have always had your soulmate nearby! Haha! I mean... um... it's a bit of bad luck between Fischl and I that we were born so far apart, I guess, right?"

Fischl feels her expression of Collei just briefly turn to one of horror. She barely reels it back in before Collei can notice it.

Which is it, Collei?! Would she be happier without Fischl ever showing up, or is Fischl herself so sorely in the wrong for arriving several years too late? Fischl fixates on one of her fingernails so the others don't see anything up with her...

She wants to ask, because she needs to know... what about her little trip to Monstadt? Won't Collei ever explain what that was about? It wasn't even that long ago! Some of Collei's actions suggest that she's wanted to meet Fischl for years, and that's just making everything more confusing!

Fischl adores Collei. She really does. Before she met her, and the second she laid eyes on her, and every moment she's spent around this precious, disheveled tomboy... Fischl cares about her more, the more she gets to know her. But Collei is young (twelve, allegedly) and confused about something or other and now it's Fischl who has to deal with it.

"Razor and I," Bennett says, in a voice that immediately breaks Collei's heart and tells her that she messed up, "aren't soulmates. We don't... have soulmates."
"Razor soulmates dead," Razor cuts in, as though to correct Bennett on a technicality. "Lupical... wolf pack family... gone, except for Vision power."
"For me-- I just never had any. It's not unheard of, but for me... well, it's just my luck, isn't it?"
Oh.

Breakfast was awkward, but Collei busies herself getting ready for a solo patrol.

She shouldn't have asked that... she really shouldn't have asked that. Trauma for Razor and a bitter reminder for Bennett.

She just wants to be better for everybody. She wants to be able to be Benny's friend and hug him since he really seems like a very upstanding guy. She wants to work up the courage to ask Razor to spend time with her since he's so quiet and she really wants to know what's going on inside his head (and maybe, honestly, he'd probably understand her and her weirdness just in general, since he seems kinda-feral, just like she is).

And for Fischl... Collei just wishes she could be a proper soulmate. Fischl is something incredible that Collei is not worthy of understanding, and instead simply cringes at because it's all beyond her. Maybe if Collei had grown up in the city instead... in Monstadt, around people... maybe then she'd understand the strangeness of people.

Suddenly...

"I wish thou only knew," Fischl says, appearing out of nowhere and tailing close behind Collei as Collei tries making herself busy about the village in order to shake Fischl off, "that I come ready to do anything for the sake of my soulmate."

"Fischl, I'm fine. I'm really, really fine..."

"Thou art several years my junior, and I perhaps waited too long to come find you..."

"Fischl. Um. Please don't worry about it."

Why not? Is it because of this Master Tighnari who is a much better provider than Fischl would prove herself to be? Fischl's usually pretty composed, but this is something about Collei that makes her frustrated. Archons damn it all, but she wants this dorky little creature to need her! Fischl wasn't expecting Collei to be THIS young, but since she IS, Fischl now wants to be a nurturer to her more than anything else (even if they are equals at the end of the day).

Words fail Fischl. She has no good way of stepping in. Not with Collei so scared even of being touched.

"I just want to take care of you," Fischl says grumpily. "If there's one thing that can be mine to do...!"

"I'll think about it," Collei says. "I'll... try to find something."

What about the books she has that she can't understand? The salve that she wasted trying to apply it all on her own last night, with shaky arms? Does none of that qualify? Fischl could say something about it but she keeps her trap shut on this one.

She stands there and stews in silence, as she lets Collei walk away from her.

Next time. Soon? She'll find some way of helping Collei soon... she has to...

...but at the back of her mind, there's a voice whispering one suggestion that she doesn't much like, and is far too prideful to take to heart: at least, not unless it turns out it is the one and only thing she can do, for the soulmate who seems so uncomfortable around her.

Chapter Text

Fischl decides that she has to try really hard to regale Collei about the Immernachtreich and her place in it.

She tells Collei, in noble voice and elegant language, of that dark dimension that she shall bring forth that shall end the universe one day; of her entirely literal understanding of the book Flowers for Princess Fischl; that Fischl herself will be the seed of new life at the other side of her apocalypse; that Collei, who is bound to her by fate itself and the intensity of a single soulthread, is the only human companion who will make it there with her (no matter how many beloved friends she makes, Fischl knows that she can take little with her to the new universe).

It is meant as an expression of devotion, and of reassuring Collei forever.

But somehow nothing lands right, and her haunted little companion of a soulmate is left awkwardly trying to respond, and spending many moments staring off into space.

"And what of you, Collei?" Fischl asks, in a darkened tone of voice. "What of thine odyssey? What perils and plights hath thou survived, to make it thus far?"

Collei looks at her with nervousness in her eyes.

Fischl glances askance. "What of those illustrations, left behind thine desk? Those that hath peeked out from the adjusting of the room?"

Fischl refers to the half-hidden strange crayon drawings that she has not much been able to decipher but has nonetheless gotten very rough vibes off of. The crossing bars, the heavy usage of black, the creepy mask, the weird sharp things, a shaky version of Collei herself crying. She needs to know what's going on and what horrors her soulmate has clawed her way out of. It's for research and so that Fischl can fit the story together better.

"Wait. Wait. You... you didn't look at those, did you?"

"They... were left halfway out into plain sight, mine soulmate."

"They weren't supposed to be! Something-- I don't know, they got moved around somehow! Oh my gosh!"

"...Mine soulmate..."

"I-- um-- I'm not angry at you-- I'm just freaking out-- um-- I'm sorry--"

"Do not apologize, soulmate--"

"No! I, um, argh!"

Collei kicks some empty air. Fischl raises her brow.

"Just-- um-- I need some space. I should have put those drawings away better. I messed up. I'm sorry, Fischl."

Fischl decides to give her some room.

Collei is excited when Master Tighnari asks her to come on a special patrol. This sounds very normal!

...Even when he says "something is up with the Statue of the Seven" and he wants her to help investigate. That doesn't sound normal. But, well, having the chance to just do something with her Master? That's good enough for her!

Walking with him lets Collei slow her heartrate.

Still, she can't get the drawings out of her head. She feels very ashamed of them. That was supposed to be her "exploring her trauma safely" (as Tighnari put it). She didn't want anybody else to see them...

If Collei's being honest, she's really not comfortable with her soulmate yet.

...Maybe she should just ask about this.

"Master?" Collei asks quietly.

"Hmm?"

"Did you... have a hard time befriending any of your soulmates?"

"Hmmm. Well, okay. Sure I have! Some of them tend to be... distant, or hermits. But I still do my best to connect with them."

"What if... your soulmate just isn't sane?"

"Mein Fraulein," Oz says, when Fischl is moping by herself and staring down a map that she had brought with her. "Perhaps Collei is simply needing... a different approach?"

"I don't feel like talking right now," Fischl says, cutting him off. "I'm thinking."

"That's a pretty damning thing to say, Collei. Is Fischl really so bad?"

"I don't know. Maybe it just isn't sinking in yet. I don't know if I'm smart enough to understand her..."

"Collei."

"Alright, I'll find a different way of phrasing that! I think... maybe she and I are just too different from each other. In every way possible. She just... is not normal to me. And... maybe fate made a mistake."

Tighnari is quiet for a long time.

"I'm not going to tell you fate doesn't make mistakes, or anything trite like that," he says at last. "But I can tell you... well... I think Fischl's a good egg. The same way you are."

Collei doesn't see it.

"How do you know that?" Collei asks. "How can you just... tell that so easily? She's insane. I can't figure out why we're supposed to be together."

"You can deny fate, if you want to," Tighnari says. "But I don't think you should. I think... you should maybe... just try to think of one good thing about Fischl."

One good thing?

...There might be a few.

Maybe Collei was too hard on Fischl... but that doesn't make her any less weird!

Fischl thinks about it long and hard.

She thinks about the days as a child that she wandered after her thread, and her parents let her, and she stopped at the gates of Monstadt.

And of the days she got bigger and journeyed throughout Monstadt, and found out her soulmate must be at least as far as Liyue. But the time wasn't right for her to cross then, because she had rigorous training going underway and her friends needed her help to grow too and she was getting loaded with jobs from the Adventurers Guild.

So time passed and the journey got put off further and further.

Always something in the way.

And then the Ludi Harpastum that Fischl got a cold: a really, really vicious cold that had her up in bed in her childhood home, while her parents gave her sympathy and thought it was just because of being stuck inside from her adventures and being sequestered away from the local fun of a holiday, too...

That's all they thought it was.

They didn't know about the thread that was suddenly acting up wildly, going this way and that, in contrast to the many long years it spent pointing in more or less the same direction.

Fischl never told her parents that her soulmate came to Monstadt city, looked for her, and then chose not to knock at her door and find her.

Collei left Monstadt.

Collei didn't want to meet her soulmate.

Okay. Yeah. This is weird.

"What are these strings?" Tighnari asks, as he touches and inspects the statue, and the dozens of gossamer threads attached to it like stray spider-silk.

There's also things like charms on each one. Each one a six-winged talisman... and all very small...

Collei stares at them in silence. She has out her pocket sketchbook (a gift from Master Tighnari's soulmate Mr. Kaveh, who has not met Collei but has sent gifts because he apparently wants everyone to like drawing?) and starts making a rough sketch of one.

"This is highly unusual. And... very disrespectful. I'm not sure what's going on here or what the message is supposed to be, but I feel like it's nothing good. Keep a close eye out, Collei, while I inspect the scene further."

Fischl has seen enough. She is making a choice.

"Fischl," Bennett says, snatching Fischl's travel pack away from her. "Don't do this!"

"Sir Bennett. Thou art not understanding of the situation... my presence has worsened all for Collei. She has a caretaker already, and my way of doing things... has proven not to her liking. I have upset her, embarrassed her, and pried too far too soon... every move I make hath only made all things worse."

Fischl forces her facial features to be emotionless as possible, but she can't restrain herself from snatching her pack from Bennett a bit fearsomely.

"But... I talked to Mr. General Cyno, and he knows so much more about Collei than we do, and I told him people get hurt wherever I go and that I should keep away from Collei and do you know what he said? He said I shouldn't stay away from Collei, because she needs every friend she can get!"

Fischl stops.

"Is that really exactly what he said?" Fischl asks.

"Yeah! Collei needs friends."

Normal friends, though. Not Fischl. Fischl isn't good for anything except prying about Collei's disease and trying to figure out what else is wrong with Collei. What a rancid soulmate Fischl is!

The downside of leaving, is that she's taking Bennett and Razor back with her (they're too loyal to her; she has no way of just letting them stay here anyhow) and those two actually would be good friends for Collei. They're between the girls in terms of age, and each seems to have something in common with her (Razor's scruffy, wild nature; Bennett's empathy and cuteness even in the face of being disaster-prone). She sees Collei fitting in with Razor and Bennett better than those two fit with Fischl herself, even.

But... this cannot be avoided. Fischl's "interests" (obsession. it's definitely an obsession) involve taking literature seriously to the point of believing it prophecy... and while it is true that, on the inside, she herself does not believe in a completely, entirely literal interpretation of "Flowers for Princess Fischl," and merely uses it as a guiding locus, she is starting to feel ashamed of it even on that level. The source of her confidence is utterly childish in nature. After all this, successful adventurer or not, she's really just some spoiled girl who has eaten well all her life, was loved by two parents, and rose in rank due to natural skill rather than competence born of hardship.

That girl Collei...

She is not like Fischl, and Fischl would do well to find some way to understand her.

But how, if Fischl has not suffered as despairingly, in a comparable way?

Suddenly, a confused Razor walks into the room.

"Razor! Razor, thank goodness you're here. I need you to help me tell Fischl we shouldn't leave!"

"We leaving?" Razor asks, in a sad and confused tone.

"Fischl thinks that Collei would be better off without her, and she wants to leave!"

"What?! But-- Fischl and Collei lucky! They have each other soulmates!!"

"I realized that I've... only made Collei uncomfortable this entire time. The best thing for me to do is leave, because... I was right the first time."

"About what?"

"I'm a bad soulmate." Fischl cinches her travel-bag shut. "And Collei never wanted to meet me."

"No!" Bennett shouts. "How could anybody lucky enough to have a soulmate not want to meet her?! That's ridiculous! Razor, you have to see my side of this! Tell Fischl she's outvoted!"

"Razor not want to leave Sumeru," Razor says, pouting. "But Razor not understand enough. This sound very sad and complicated."

"Razor!"

"What? Razor not like taking sides!"

Fischl shakes her head, tuning out the boys' bickering. They don't get it. They don't know what it's like to have your soul thread, watch it all your life, figure out that your soulmate is near you for the very first time and you can just meet her as soon as you recover from your really bad cold!... and then watch your thread stabilize back into one stable direction, and stay like that for all the coming months.

It's unbelievable. Fischl doesn't know why Collei would come to Monstadt for one Ludi Harpastum and then just leave without coming to knock on Fischl's door, but... Collei did. The only explanation is that Collei didn't want a soulmate and, now that she's met her, knows for sure that she doesn't like her.

Fischl finishes packing her other things.

"It's time to go," she tells Bennett and Razor. "Before Collei comes back from patrol. We don't want to have to say goodbye."

Collei and Master Tighnari are finished inspecting the Statue and removing the threads.

"Do you think this is all some weird prank?" Collei asks, gathering them all up and sorting the stringy bits.

"...I don't know. Truth be told, something doesn't feel right about this. I mean-- I have no idea what these little wing charms mean, but you just don't mess with a Statue of the Seven."

Collei grumbles. She really hopes this doesn't mean anything terrible or scary (was this meant as some kind of message to the Forest Watchers?) but, even if it's innocuous, this makes her feel uneasy. She comes here to worship the Dendro Archon sometimes, after all. She doesn't like that somebody messed with it!

Collei tries to brush all the threads into the empty pack Tighnari brought, but there's one thread that's sticking to her hand. It takes her a moment to realize, wait, that's not one of these weird threads that was stuck to the statue. That's her soul thread, and it's... pointing away from Gandharva Ville?

"Master? Something is wrong with my thread. It's pointing away from where Fischl should be."

They're southeast of Gandharva Ville, and the thread skews northeast, but there isn't much left of Sumeru in that direction. So, her thread is wrong and it's acting up or something. Unless...

Collei's body jolts stiffly.

No.

No, no, no!

Tighnari's ears prick.

He'd been subduing his senses lately, because he wanted to give Collei more privacy in the earliest days of interacting with her soulmate... but he regrets it now, as he realizes that he cannot pick up any sign of Fischl back at Gandharva Ville.

"Oh no, Collei! I think I hear the sounds of... three people... heading toward the border of Liyue!"

"Why are they leaving me?!" Collei says, panicking.

"I don't know. They shouldn't leave without saying goodbye." Tighnari feels his words begin to sound angry. "If you start running now, you might catch up with them!"

"You-- you really think I should?!"

"They should tell you to your face what's going on. I wish I could come with you, but the other thing is too urgent. Go! Run for them!"

Collei runs as fast as her shrimpy little legs can take her.

Razor. Bennett. Fischl.

Especially Fischl.

Fischl who is her only soulmate.

Fischl who has the other end of the soul thread.

Fischl who didn't understand who Collei was, or that she'd just be a scrappy little girl, but Fischl who only wants to help her and baby her, even if she can't ever find the right way to do it. Not unless Collei were to tell her.

Fischl... strange, over-the-top, and... loving. Fischl loves Collei very very hard and it shows. Fischl has weird obsessions but the thing she cares most about is Collei and she really has been doing this all for her, hasn't she?

Fischl has been more than generous with Collei. All Fischl wanted was to share in all of Collei's burdens, pain, and joy...

...and Collei pushed her away and now she's losing her.

Fischl is weird and beautiful and seems very grown-up (she's an established adventurer, right?) and Collei realizes that all she wants is to be around her and share in that strength. Maybe one day it could pay off and she could be strong and pretty like Fischl. Maybe she could even care about Fischl the same way that Fischl cares about her. Maybe she could get the ability to love somebody that strong, in spite of all her obvious flaws...

Collei scrambles through the woods, over uphill slopes, through weird side paths too narrow for most, as she feels hot tears begin streaming down her face.

She's so, so sorry for being this cruel to Fischl.

She should have let her in. She should have shown her gratitude better. She should have been a happier soulmate for Fischl; she should have let Fischl's presence be a good thing. She should have let meeting her soulmate actually solve some of her sorrow for her instead of pretend it was complicating everything. She should have opened up.

Hopefully, she'll get to beg Fischl to stay.

For now, she'll just beg Lesser Lord Kusanali for some kind of second chance.

Chapter Text

 Fischl looks back.

 After this grand journey... after upending her life in Monstadt for the foreseeable future, just so she could take this trip... after failed attempts to keep her two loyal knights from coming with her (oh, bless them!)... after the weeks spent traveling out of Monstadt and down the unfamiliar road all through Liyue and navigating the nation as a foreigner... after preparation and anxiety and uncertainty and staying awake every single night as they camped, even though Razor and Bennett slept long and calmly at her sides, unconsciously begging her to join them in the land of slumber... Fischl finally arrived.

 And she found out the truth. She found out that she's an uncomfortable, embarassing mismatch of a soulmate for the girl she's clearly out of her depth with. A girl cursed by too many problems, but who already has somebody else to love and take care of her...

 All Fischl has ever wanted is to do something for her soulmate. But she got here and found out that there's nothing she can do for Collei. Not only is Collei going to die a young death, she without a doubt does not want Fischl here.

 That's it. Fischl is done looking at the rainforest. It isn't the place for her, and she can't be there without infringing on Collei's space. It's time for her to go back around all the way up to Monstadt; one large nation completely separating them should be enough, she supposes.

 Bennett and Razor stopped trying to convince her a few hundred yards back. They simply exchange a sad look with each other before looking back at Fischl expectantly.

 Fischl starts walking again, and says goodbye to Sumeru forever...

 ...A weight careens into Fischl from behind and flings her forward onto her knees. Fischl lets out a pained gasp.

 "Don't leave me!" a distressed little voice cries.

 It hurts. It hurts so bad. It knocked the air from her chest and then left her unable to breathe. 

 Fischl scoffs, and panics, and tries a couple of times to turn and throw it off of her, before she recognizes the pair of human arms wrapped tight around her stomach, and feels that there's a FACE pressed firmly into her upper back.

 Oh.

 ...Oh.

 Fischl kneels, breathless, as she feels Collei constrict her even tighter and sob uncontrollably into her back.

 "Please stay!" Collei begs, her voice already sounding strained. "Please, please, please don't leave me alone!"

 Fischl still waits for it to sink in.

 Collei... Collei wouldn't have wanted this? But that doesn't make sense! Collei didn't want to meet her, Collei has been uncomfortable because of her, Collei has avoided her, and now Collei suddenly...

 "You really do want me?" Fischl whispers incredulously. "You want me to be here?"

 "Please don't leave me, Fischl. I don't know why you're going back but if it's anything to do with me, I... I promise I'll change... I'll try harder to understand you... I'll make you proud, and — maybe one day I'll be strong enough to go everywhere with you... I... I'll try really hard to fix myself!"

 ...No, no, Fischl does not like this kind of talk at all.

 "Collei," Fischl says, noticing as one of her hands drifts close to Collei's, but then restraining herself, making sure she doesn't touch Collei by mistake. "Thou art... without flaw. This is all me."

 "No! Fischl, no, it's me who can't understand! I'm not smart enough to understand everything you're talking about or why you're so amazing, and—"

 "I thought you didn't like me as a soulmate," Fischl stammers, earning a distressed "no!" from Collei. 

 Fischl adds, "I thought you never wanted to meet me." 

 Collei's reaction is a much harsher, shocked "NO!" as she thrusts a pained sob into Fischl's back.

 Fischl lets out a very quiet "there, there..." but is otherwise speechless.

 "How could you think that?" Collei says. "How could you possibly think I didn't want to meet whoever my soulmate was?"

 "You— you were in Monstadt— over a year ago, during Ludi Harpastum—" Fischl sniffs back a volume of snot and knows now that she's going to be ugly-crying herself to hideousness— "and— my thread was acting up— I knew you were in the city— maybe even right outside the building where I was staying, but I was really really sick for once in my life, and I couldn't leave to come look for you— and then you were gone! I thought you had decided the worst of me or something and it wasn't worth finding me anymore!"

 At long last, Collei's grip on Fischl's stomach loosens. 

 She releases Fischl completely and then scrambles in front of her.. 

 Fischl's heart twinges as she looks down at Collei: eyes full of tears, and a pleading expression in her clenched hands. Archons, she loves this girl so much... it hurts her to see her this upset. (Really, is there anything worse Fischl could have done, than try to leave?)

 "Fischl?" Collei says quietly. "Just how long have you had your soul thread?"

 Fischl blinks. She stares down at her hand, and the very short length it takes to connect to Collei right in front of her.

 "Since the tender age... of four years old," Fischl responds. "Presumably because thou did not exist yet. Hath... hath thou not always had it?"

 Fischl doesn't mean to slip into words that Collei has a harder time understanding, but it happens as she faces the dawning realization she may have screwed up majorly here...

 "Three months," Collei says. "Only three months."

 Oh.

 ...Oh.

 Collei starts babbling, "if only I'd known— if only I'd maybe thought that— that— well— I didn't know much but maybe if I'd thought to look into soulmates anyways— maybe there would have been something—something—"

 "No, Collei," Fischl says, before Collei can flounder more with her words. "None of this is on you. None whatsoever. This is on me. I fucked up."

 There's several seconds of silence before Razor cuts in with, "What did Fischl just say?"

 "FISCHL!" Bennett yells. "RAZOR CAN'T KNOW THAT WORD! WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO SWEAR AROUND RAZOR!"

 It sounds genuinely angry. Oops.

 Fischl shakes her head. She'll sort that out later. 

 ...Fischl realizes that, actually, it's worse than just Razor. Razor isn't the youngest person here, is he? But, then, Collei isn't acting as confused or shocked as she should in response to such a profane word... oh dear. Fischl will probably come to understand more about that.

 Fischl musters up the dignity to say, "I now understand my sizeable error in judgement. I hope you give me the chance to make it up to you."

 Collei suddenly flings herself around Fischl from the front and continues to sob and hiccup.

 Fischl closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. Just a nice, big, relieved sigh. She weeps for several seconds longer, her eyepatch now soaked with tears, as Collei clings to her. Fischl doesn't dare return Collei's embrace, but she lets Collei's embrace comfort her.

 "I'm here to stay," Fischl says. "I promise. Now that we cleared everything up."

 Collei stops sniffling. "You are?"

 "Yeah," Fischl says, half-accidentally brushing Collei's hand. "I'm gonna stay. For as long as you'll have me."

 "Because we're soulmates?" Collei asks.

 "Because we're soulmates," Fischl affirms. "And... because I want to, and I like you, and you're my friend."

(Fischl also wants to say "because you're cute and I want to protect you," but Collei is worked up enough as-is.)

 "I'm sorry I was ungrateful— I'm sorry I—"

 "Shh. Hey. It's okay. I'm starting to understand that, well... um..."

 For once, Oz does not appear to help her spit it out. She can't help but resent him for it. She needs his words sometimes, dangit!

 "Collei, I am starting to understand that I must... perhaps... tone some things down for your sake. Until we reach a greater understanding. Many people... often have difficulty with understanding my... schemes."

 Collei nods into Fischl's shirt and finally, finally lets her go.

 Wow, the girl is a mess.

 Fischl stares down at Collei. She's got bandages unraveling from her arms, exposing irritated skin around where she has scales. Her eyes and nose are red. Trails of tears and snot run down her face.

 Tsk. Fischl has "fucked up" worse than she could have realized. My oh my, she's going to have to start finding ways to actually care for Collei now that she's figured it out.

 Still, though. Three months. Collei has had it for three. Months.

 Fischl covers her own face in her hands and groans again at her mistake. "I can't believe myself... I'm such a dummy."

 "It's not your fault," Collei whimpers, from where she's curled up in a ball. "You're still technically recovering from a concussion..."

 "Fischl," Razor says, "Collei not alright!"

 Fischl peers back down at the quivering girl. Archons... yep, that's a flareup. She wasn't so recovered after all, earlier. Fischl, in the deep pockets of the overskirt she wears, definitely carries around the most first aid out of anyone here, except perhaps Collei... but Collei is missing some of her packs she usually wears on her body, isn't she? She must have been in a panicked rush to catch up to Fischl... is Fischl's first aid even sufficient for what Collei needs?

 "My provisions may not contain all that Collei needs," Fischl says, running the calculations in her head. It's time for her to finally, finally do what's best for Collei, instead of what she just wants for herself — and also instead of the thing she THOUGHT was best, but only wound up hurting Collei physically and emotionally. "She will need her Master. Collei, I will summon Oz, and at once flag down your mentor-guardian..."

 "No," Collei says. "Fischl is going to carry me."

Unbelievable! Collei cannot trust Fischl enough for that yet. The only thing Fischl can think to do is reach for the person who knows everything about how to care for Collei. The one person Collei is even comfortable with...

 "Soulmate, I cannot force myself to touch you, when you so clearly—"

 "No!" Collei grunts, having forced herself half-upright onto her trembling limbs just to make herself able to give Fischl a determined glare. "I need this! I can take it!"

 "But— carrying you— all the way back?"

 "I've faced worse!" Collei snaps. "Master's busy with some weird situation back home. The only way to inconvenience everyone the least is for you to carry me, Fischl." Collei's voice falls to a grumble. "I need to get used to it anyway."

 Fischl never, ever was going to force so much touch on Collei. Not unless it was a life or death situation. But...

 "Alright then," Fischl says. "I'll do... what helps you the most."

 Tighnari doesn't know what the outcome of those four kids is going to be today: if they will return back to base all together, or if Collei will be crawling back alone and in tears.

 He really isn't expecting any sight with as much force and confidence, however, as that strange girl Fischl looking as stone-serious as a battle-hardened adventurer, as she descends into Gandharva Ville with a feeble Collei cradled in her arms like a princess rescued from a prison, as they are flanked by the vigilant sentries of Bennett and Razor. 

 Tighnari even gets a brief imagined vision of these four as adults, and the possibility that they may be a very mighty group of adventurers one day indeed...

 "Master," Collei grunts, as Tighnari approaches the group. "Don't stop on my behalf... keep investigating. I'm going to have— Fischl take care of me."

 "Everything?" Tighnari asks. He takes a glance up into the eye of a surprised Fischl. That last bit is news to her, it looks like.

 ...Tighnari is going to be honest with himself. He liked Fischl from the beginning. Over-the-top nonsense aside, it was very, very plainly obvious that Collei was of utmost importance to this girl, and Fischl was ready to skewer anybody who dared lay a hand on her. Tighnari can relate to that much about Fischl.

 ...That being said. Fischl was really about to break the heart of Tighnari's beloved apprentice. He can't quite forgive her for that until she proves herself in the future. 

 He'll allow her the blunder, Tighnari decides, but just the one. Fischl gets one single second chance.

 Collei was trembling from pain but is now trembling more from the fear. She forced herself still in Fischl's arms, but now she's flinching and tugging away from Fischl's every touch, while she tells Fischl exactly what to do and dreads her doing it.

 Fischl, for her part, is calm and focused as she pulls loose bandages off of Collei's arms. It completely exposes the patterns of scales on Collei's arms — those dark, serpentine areas she is so ashamed of showing.

 "Shh, little ranger. Don't cry. I'm here to take care of you."

 Collei's eyelids snap wide open. Nobody talks to her like that! Nobody has talked to her like that since she was a very small child!

 "Hey. I'm here for you now, and I'm strong enough to protect you. You have nothing more to worry about.."

 It's a weird tactic and one that Collei partly feels hostile towards if only because it's so alien. It also doesn't even sound like the in-character Fischl, so Collei has no idea where it's coming from. But it's working, in part because being talked to in this much of a soothing voice is so distracting and out-of-place that she's speechless.

 Collei pulls deep breaths in and out of her chest, as Fischl holds her arm closer to inspect it. Fischl even pulls something out of her pocket and turns on an artifical light from it (some kind of device; where did she get it?) when Collei wrenches away suddenly at the mere sight.

 Fischl simply puts the tool away without asking any question about it, and goes back to looking at Collei in the sunlight that enters her hut through the window.

 "Shhh. Tell me what I must do."

 Collei tells her.

 Fischl puts on the sterile gloves in Collei's topmost first-aid kit. (There's more in Collei's stash. They're single-use.) It helps for them to be completely sterile and not merely "clean," and also this keeps Fischl's hands from going numb. But still, the sight of medical gloves makes Collei want to squirm away, hide her face, or even vomit. She doesn't. This is a hated necessity.

 And, agonizingly, Collei bears the torture of it, as Fischl starts massaging Collei's heavy flareup cream between each and every scale on her arms, as Collei grits her teeth and wrenches back and forth from being triggered and the physical pain and the mere thought of being touched this badly and this extensively at great length, until the stuff can finally kick in. 

 Finally, Fischl's touch brings Collei a deep relief that goes from her skin down into her muscles and lifts the pain away. It gives her the ability to breathe, and look up, and see the expression of determination and duty on Fischl's face... and Collei realizes that she does not need to be touched longer. She's through.

 She did it. They both did it.

 Fischl finishes the final steps of the procedure, washes up, and lies down on the bedding on the floor, sharing a comfortable silence with Collei.

 Collei takes a really deep breath. It isn't every day she has to be touched in such a bad, grabby way. But it's over now, and this treatment (combined with two days' rest, and another week of taking it easy) will subdue a rough flareup of eleazar. (She's more or less been having a mild flareup since she met Fischl, because she didn't stop everything long enough to get it to stay down. Time to cut that out.)

 And they stay like that: laying together in Collei's hut, surrounded by her homework and unfolded laundry and messy books and all the other things that make this place home.

 Collei closes her eyes, and knows that she never has to worry about Fischl disappearing ever again.

Chapter Text

Collei stays in bed and physically recovers from her flareup. Fischl is there, too, quietly unpacking her belongings, since she isn't leaving after all.

 "Ow," Collei says, at nothing in particular.

 Fischl is kneeling at the bedside in an instant. "Soulmate?"

 "You've done everything you can. Don't worry." Collei closes her eyes and goes back to the familiar dull pain (ever-present but not overwhelming). It is her most constant friend; she only likes that it is not as overbearing a friend as it was in the past. Tighnari laments that he cannot cure Collei of anything, but to her, the pain relief by itself is enough to qualify as a miracle.

 Fischl places back onto the bed one of Collei's stuffed animals that had fallen off (it wasn't Cuilein-Anbar, whom Collei always has clutched tightly to herself) and goes back to her unpacking and organizing, until Collei's room is looking a lot like it is now Fischl's room as well. Fischl does not, however, interfere with Collei's drawings or things that she'd hidden (but poorly), and Collei is grateful for that.

 Fischl has been in and out a couple of times. She answers some of Collei's unspoken questions.

 "Thine master should be checking on thee when he acquires the chance," Fischl says. "He may wish to speak to us, but I believe he does not intend to trouble us about the strange matter of thine Archon's defiled statue. So, our real questions will have to wait."

 "I'm glad you four all came back together," Tighnari says when he sits down on the floor of Collei's hut. He's here to look at Collei's condition personally. "I wouldn't forgive you if you broke Collei's heart, you know."

 Ouch. Fischl clenches her fists and glances away. But Tighnari is justified in how he feels about her: she really could have hurt Collei through this. That must never, ever happen.

 Tighnari clears his throat. "Other than that, I trust you as a soulmate for her, you know. You say this was all just a misunderstanding?"

 "Yeah!" Collei says hastily. "Please don't blame Fischl!"

 She tells Tighnari about the whole thing with Fischl having her soul thread for a very long time, and spending the entire time thinking about meeting Collei... only for some very confusing behavior when Collei went to Monstadt and was nearby, with a movement pattern that made Fischl think the worst.

 "So let me get something clear," Tighnari says. "You say you've had your thread since... what age?"

 Fischl guesses Collei already forgot the number and doesn't think the detail is important, as Collei asks, "why did mine take so long to even show up?"

 "Fischl," Tighnari says firmly, his brows furrowing together. "What age? And how old are you now?"

 "Age four, sir," Fischl says. "And I am now eighteen."

 There's a long silence and then a frightened look on Tighnari's face.

 Then he exclaims, "Collei!"

 Collei startles. Did she do something wrong?! Is there something wrong with her, is there something she can't see, what's going on?!?

 "No, no, don't be scared, I just-- I thought I was estimating high! I thought, if anything, you'd be-- if I was wrong-- not EVEN twelve-- I was just trying to accommodate for all your life experience, but I didn't realize--"

 "Master," Collei says, frowning, "what is this about?"

 "There's nothing wrong with you-- you haven't done anything wrong, don't worry, but-- If we're running off the assumption that Fischl got her soul thread the moment you were born... at the absolute EARLIEST, at least..."

 Collei sees the expression on Fischl's face change. She goes from confused to curious, and now she's looking directly at Collei in that intrigued way.

 "...then doing the math, Collei is fourteen!"

 "No, no," Collei says, smiling anxiously, "there could be some kind of... mistake? What if Fischl got her thread while I was still in my mother's belly?"

 "Even still!. You're... you're already a teenager. I need to recalculate some things regarding your nutrition... but then, if you barely look TEN years old..."

 "You curious little thing," Fischl says to Collei. "I had never even thought to run that calculation."

 Tighnari paces back and forth. "What are the implications of this on her long-term growth? If she missed that many of her formative years..."

 "Master?" Collei asks, looking up at him. "It's okay. I'm... I think I'm alright."

 "It's not alright," Tighnari says. "It makes me angrier at the... the people who hurt you. But that's neither here nor there. I need to start measuring your height more often to make sure you really are hitting puberty."

 At the word puberty, Fischl raises a brow. Collei notices. Maybe Collei really is weird...

 "So thou really art not a child," Fischl says, sounding threateningly kind about it, "but a teenager in the throes of great physical upheaval?"

 Collei thinks about it. Is that what's going to happen to her?

 "What Mein Fraulein means to say," Oz says, in his ravenly drawl, "is that you get to experience the excitement of 'growing up.'"

 "Yes, Master Tighnari talked to me about it already," Collei says.

 "Only a little bit!" Tighnari says from across the room, sounding eager but panicked about it. He's looking in his bag for something.

 And then Fischl looks at Collei very directly, with eye contact mere inches from her face. "Thou hast not yet experienced... the milestones? Thine first period?"

 "My what?"

 "Hmm. Ah, don't panic. Oh, here is thine Master with something?"

 Tighnari is holding up a tape measure like Collei uses for craft projects sometimes. He gestures against the wall for Collei to stand there. Collei squirms a little bit as she does it but this kind of thing isn't scary when it's Tighnari and, furthermore, sometimes her own nervousness is a little bit fun to her (but ONLY in a situation when she knows she really is safe).

 Collei recoils a little bit to feel Tighnari's hand on her head (it's not terrible however) and then it's over.

 "There. You've grown another tiny little bit. Hmmm." Tighnari marks on the wall. "Fourteen for your age now, and this one from when you first moved in here can be thirteen, we'll call it..."

 "Excuse me, Sir Tighnari," Fischl says, casually, "but if we were not previously in possession of the knowledge of Collei's age... then doth that mean Collei hath no known birthday?"

 Collei goes flush. There's another embarassing thought. It's always awkward to admit she doesn't have a "real" birthday...

 "We celebrate May 8th as her chosen birthday, though she's only gotten to celebrate it just once since coming here." Tighnari flashes Fischl a quick smile. It seems that he liked that question. "You wouldn't happen to know the date that you got your soul thread, Fischl, would you?"

 Fischl seems about to respond, but Collei cuts her off first. "U-um... if it's all the same to everyone... I kind of like my chosen birthday?"

 "Of course you do," Tighnari says. "I was just wondering if Fischl knew anything that would narrow down your exact age, though. That's all."

 "I believe it was in spring or summer, but know nothing more than that," Fischl says. She holds a palm out to the open air. "May 8th is around the time of Ludi Harpastum in Monstadt, no? And the timing of thine little trip?"

 Collei goes pale. She isn't ready to tell Fischl the full story there yet!

 But Fischl only chuckles quietly.

 "Keep your secrets, little Collei," she says gentle. "Thou may open up when thou art ready. No sooner."

 "So, where have Razor and Bennett been sleeping, anyway?" Collei asks.

 "They were offered a hut, but have not yet had to resort to it," Fischl says, brushing her hair out of her face. "They hath been sharing their large sleeping bag underneath the stars."

 Collei smiles. "Are you sure they're not soulmates?"

 Fischl gives Collei a sad smile. "If there existed a way to become such, then they would choose it in a heartbeat."

 Fischl tends to Collei all afternoon. Collei can hear things happening up in the village: Master Tighnari's voice, and the confused voices of the other rangers, and then at one point it sounds like Cyno has arrived (!); however, Fischl doesn't seem to concern herself with any of it, though she says she's spoken to Tighnari about it and he's told her not to worry, but they can help out later if they want. 

 Master has also come in just to check on Collei personally; he congratulated Fischl on a job well done, gave Collei a satisfied grin, and then got back to the very busy-sounding scene out there.

 Collei finally feels well enough that she can sit up and think about doing things!

 ...Well. Not really "doing things." But socializing with her soulmate! She and Fischl start talking about their companions, and Fischl's trip to Sumeru, and the people they've met here so far. The one thing they don't talk about is what's going on outside, because that will have to wait.

 "Razor will not halt his fanboying over the General Mahamatra," Fischl says, sounding deeply amused. She stands with her arms crossed casually, as she leans against the doorframe. Her raven is accompanying her now that she is better. "Though, his Bennett has been frantically trying to restrain him. I do not think that the General sincerely minds, save for the distraction."

 Collei giggles. For whatever reason, the thought of Razor being the person to bond with Cyno makes her happy. She barely knows Razor, but he's really cute and there's just something innocent about him that Collei knows she can trust. She knows Cyno won't really be upset that Razor is bothering him about anything. 

 And thinking about Razor... 

 ...Thinking about Razor gives Collei a happy, squirmy feeling inside of her chest for reasons she doesn't understand but would like to know more about all the same. I's a weird feeling, though. It's like she wants to hug him and never let go, but she's still scared of being touched in return, because her haphephobia is just ruining everything for her all the time.

 Wait. Why is Fischl leaning in close to her and looking like she's giggling? Is there something on her face? Or, oh gosh, that thing she just thought about Razor is showing on her face?!

 "Razor doth possess a rugged nature that many find endearing," Fischl says knowingly.

 Collei squeaks and pulls her knees close to her chest. Wait, why is this something she feels vulnerable about?! She doesn't hide her devotion for Amber or Master Tighnari or anything like that... well, okay, she ought to be a little bit more openly affectionate towards Fischl herself, but she's just nervous and still getting over the awkwardness and everything, so that doesn't count!

 Fischl laughs. Oh, Archons, Fischl laughing at her... it's not like it feels mean or menacing, but ahh, Fischl can mess with her way too easily!

 Fischl seems to have a moment of mercy on Collei, because she finally takes her attention off of her and looks around the room a bit.

 All Collei's belongings. Her number of stuffed animals. Her outfits and ranger bow and archery supplies.

 To her surprise, Collei no longer is squeamish or shy about Fischl seeing these things. Moreover, she feels that she will eventually start showing Fischl the little sketchbook of all her traumas, so that Fischl can understand Collei as few do. Collei begins to feel more comfort with the idea of Fischl being a permanent fixture here, in her life, and not just a thing to get used to. She may even be the person she lets in closer, even deeper than she would allow Master Tighnari...

 Collei leaves the hut to stretch her legs, since she's feeling better... and when she comes in, she accidentally walks in on Fischl changing clothes! Collei stares for a paralyzed second before Fischl glances over her shoulder, which makes Collei realize she was staring.

 "Sorry!" Collei squeals as she runs back out. 

 Ahh! If she knew Fischl would be changing, she wouldn't have come back in so soon -- she should have anticipated this possibility!

 All she really saw was Fischl's upper back, but... wait a minute...

 "Fischl?" she says, sticking her head close to the doorway again.

 "Be at ease, Collei. I am not exactly... shy, about mine body. We art both female, no? At any rate, thou did not see much, save for... well, my ink."

 Fischl is referring to what Collei saw: the raven wings drawn onto Fischl's upper back.

 "Tattoos!" Collei squeaks. "Or, wait, that must be a magic thing? You're only eighteen, anyways. Is it related to your Vision?!"

 "Nay, mine Collei. They are but mundane tattoos." Fischl, without being shy about it at ALL, turns back around and hikes up her shirt from the back, allowing Collei another look. "In Monstadt, the required age is somewhat low."

 First of all, Fischl looks really strong and pretty anyways. She's the tough and healthy person that Collei might never be.

 Secondly... those are tattoos! Lines of ink, filled in... like soulmarks, but less delicate and mysterious. Definitely made by some human hand. Collei lets out an impressed squeak.

 Collei still feels flustered. Sure, Fischl is probably going to be seeing HER exposed a lot in the future, any time Fischl helps her with her bandages or whatnot... but, wow, Fischl is not shy. Collei briefly wonders what it's like to have no reservations about showing a moderate amount of skin... to have no fear of being seen as unhealthy, or diseased, or just plain too scrawny.

There's also certain spots that Collei can't handle Fischl seeing yet. Specifically, Collei is nervous about going barefoot around Fischl, because Collei technically has a tattoo of her own.

For now, Collei has slapped a simple bandage over the identifier number on her ankle. She can dismiss it as some scratch or scrape. Collei doesn't like the "tattoo" or ever want to show it off: in part because of shame and embarassment, and in part because she hated it being given to her.

 Wait, if Fischl has back tattoos, does that mean she sometimes goes around wearing stuff that exposes her back? She has that much confidence?

 Fischl lowers her shirt (a loose tank top) and stretches. She's wearing lounge pants and her pigtails are completely undone. Sheesh, even in her relaxed outfit, she looks cooler than Collei... something cringey could always leave her mouth at any moment, sure, but MOST of the time her actions and physical appearance are confident and effortlessly-perfect. Dangit, she can't believe Fischl's even tough enough that she has tattoos, on top of everything... and of course they match Oz! Everything looks seamless!

 "Mine Collei," Fischl says, "are thine limbs unstiffened? Thou mayest change into pajamas, no?"

 Collei is stiff and quiet. But, Fischl has a point...

 ...and then, for her, Fischl turns away without a word while Collei changes into her comfier outfit: the hand-me-down hoodie from Tighnari that she'd sized to her own body, and her loose shorts with the elastic. 

 They start talking about clothes. Collei lays back down from the Eleazar pain, and Fischl just sits against Collei's dresser.

 "If I'm having a growth spurt," Collei says, of her own awkward and clumsy body, "does that mean I won't be able to wear the things I'm wearing now?"

 Fischl raises her brow. "That item was from Tighnari and then made smaller, no?" she asks.

 "Well, yeah, but... I can't exactly make it larger."

 "You could," Fischl says. "Thou couldst find a way."

 Collei shakes her head. "Um... not unless I had more fabric..."

 "Is that thine fabric supplies, Collei?" Fischl asks, not as refutation but as genuine curiosity, of the crate of different fabrics she has in various amounts.

 "Yeah!" Collei says excitedly. "Bring it over, I'll show you some..."

 She shows Fischl different fabrics, such as some prized topaz-colored silk she hasn't done anything with yet, the leftover green felt from making Cuilein-Anbar, and... oh, that's the extra that she had cut off from the Tighnari hoodie. 

 Welp. That's one anxiety removed.

 "Okay, I can just make this bigger when I get big," Collei says, sounding hopeful now. "But... I'll still have clothes to retire." 

 Collei gets up and shuffles to her dresser a little gracelessly (Fischl extends an arm in case Collei needs it, but Collei manages to avoid the need for the touch) to show Fischl her favorite outfit.

 "I don't necessarily wear it a lot on my forest ranger duties... except when I go to Sumeru City since it's kind of cute. It's already been patched up and fixed a whole lot. I don't know how much more it could take."

 It's her other hand-me-downs... the outfit from Amber. It's a loose white hoodie tunic with zig-zag sleeves and careful little diamond cutouts (one at the chest and each hip), and then some cargo shorts that just so happened to fit Collei's scrawny frame perfectly. At the time, it was by far the most skin she'd ever been comfortable showing, and willingly! And Amber even gave her the archery gloves from when she was a kid, too. This outfit is very special to her, and Collei has patched it multiple times: once, sloppily, in a rush so that she wouldn't be returning a damaged and blood-smeared article to Amber... but then, Amber wouldn't accept it back, and insisted that it made her happier that her favorite outfit from when she was a kid found a brand-new life with Collei. 

 So, Collei has had the time since then to patch it better and wear it more properly.

 "This style looks familiar," Fischl muses. "Hmm. Thou wilt have to make sure to cherish this, before outgrowing it?"

 Collei nods resolutely. That's a great idea!

 "Umm... Fischl... something else I have to ask you about."

 Fischl raises a brow, and makes sure to sit up a little straighter. But, she doesn't look over at Collei, since she sounds a little bit nervous...

 "...will I have to start wearing... one of those?"

 Fischl easily guesses what Collei is talking about. She's surprised enough that she wants to chuckle. She holds it back, though.

 "If thou develops the need for it," Fischl says plainly, "then thou mayeth look into it, if it would contribute to thine overall comfort. I wouldst always be available to helpeth thou. However, it may take awhile, if thou art still struggling to grow?"

 Collei lets out a frustrated growl, but it doesn't sound like it's aimed at Fischl. "I'm so far behind! Master noticed months ago that he noticed I was getting taller, and he sounded like he was expecting me to just shoot up in height or something, but I'm barely taller now!"

 "Perhaps thou willst shoot up in height, at some point," Fischl says, mimicking Collei's intonation, "but perhaps it will be more of a steady crawl, throughout the rest of thine teens?"

 "No! I only just found out that I'm already fourteen and-- no wonder everyone thinks I'm a kid. It's scary. I don't want to be a tiny, vulnerable kid forever... I want to be stronger and harder to hurt. That way, I can help more people and be more like the other forest rangers."

 Fischl pushes herself upright from her lounging position. She allows herself a surprised blink. "I did not know... that thou felt such a panic."

 "It's... worse now that I know how old I am." Collei stares at the wall. "I mean, I like knowing. And I'm sure it's really useful information for Master. It's just... the ONLY reason he estimated 'twelve' was because of the amount of stuff I told him I've been through. He thought I looked ten or even younger. He didn't think he could even guess me at older than twelve. That was just impossible to him..."

 Fischl exchanges a sorry glance with Oz. She doesn't exactly have any experience with something like this... she doesn't know what Collei's "stuff" is, even after the hints and drops of there being something big... maybe more than one thing that's big... she's just spoiled little Fischl (or not even that) who has never starved a day in her life, and had no horrible weird procedures to traumatize her growing little body.

 Collei lets out a messy sniff. Uh oh.

 Fischl moves towards the bedside. "Do not cry, soulmate. Whatever happens, thine body will not betray you."

 Is Fischl really sure about that? How does she say that to her soulmate with a terminal disease and stunted growth and lower lifespan than Fischl? (Yikes, Fischl really has to get as close as possible to her now and make the most of all this...)

 But Collei says, "You're right. I... I need..."

 Collei lets out a loud sob.

 Fischl is sitting on the edge of the bed in an instant. She's not going to touch Collei though. She can't.

 "I need... to calm down... flareups aren't a good time for me to cry..."

 "Collei," Fischl says, a strong twinge in her own heart. "Please..."

 "You're wondering what you can do. You're always wondering what you can do. That's why you're so great, Fischl. You're amazing." Collei lifts her twitchy little hand to actually take Fischl's. "I know... that there's not really really anything you can do for all this... and it's already tearing you apart."

 Fischl panics, her eyes darting from their hands to Collei's face with disbelief.

 And Fischl thinks they're both thinking the same thing. That Collei is cursed by many things, but Fischl now has it worse, if she has this knowledge that Collei is going to die young and Fischl will be left with a string on her hand that simply fades out and goes nowhere at all one day, and following it would only take her in aimless circles around Teyvat. 

 And there's nothing, nothing Fischl can do about that, even though she is the kind of person who is very, very hardwired to just put her soulmate first, above all else. Nothing makes her happier than the idea of doing something for her soulmate, but she can supposedly do nothing for Collei's biggest problem... and then one day Collei will be gone, and Fischl can't do anything for her ever again.

 Collei smiles at Fischl. "I finally figured you out, Fischl. All I need to do is find things you can do for me. That's all you need to be happy."

 Yes! Fischl thinks, yes, yes, yes! Please, Archons, just give her some ways to really, actually help this girl! As many as possible! It feels like time is running away from them far too fast!

 "I know you know lots of stories and everything, and I'm sure you know poems too, but... do you sing?" Collei asks, tightening her grip on Fischl's hand. "And do you know any lullabyes?"

 Fischl sniffs just once and wipes a quick tear away from her face (and another one, but tries not to let Collei see that it's from under her eyepath). Then she regains some of her dignity when she clears her throat. Singing. She loves singing!

 Fischl begins, "Dancing bears, painted wings, things I almost remember..."

Chapter Text

Fischl doesn't know how it happens, but she is small, unarmed, and very afraid, and hiding in the corner of a shadow-drenched, horror-addled terrible old place.

She doesn't like it. She wants her mom and dad! She hates this scary place, wherever it is, and doesn't want to be here!

Except she does want to be here.

She wants to be here so that her other is being left alone. Fischl pushes herself up from the floor, shaky and trembling, and takes slow, doddering steps towards him quite willingly.

She does not like this one bit. But, she's by far the less tormented of the two. She can make herself something of a target and maybe Collei will be left alone here.

Collei has already faced enough of the unbearable for a few lifetimes. The least Fischl can do is try to be a magnet for the torture.

She tries to study that imperceptible mask for hints. The sharpness of the edges. The facade of polite sophistication. The smug smile on his exposed jaw.

"You're both helpless little girls," he says, going from angry to quite pleased with himself, "but you're not an unreasonable one, are you?"

The barest ray of light (a tiny miracle to manage to slip down into this place) lands by the side of his skull, and illuminates a single earring in the shape of... uh...

Yikes

Fischl is a firm believer that people's deepest and most important personality traits should be reflected in their outfits, no matter how absurd the accessory is or whatever, but...

But...

...That's a syringe. His earring is a syringe.

Fischl really wants to laugh at how horrible and stupid and on-the-nose (or, well, ear) that is, but really this entire place is horrible and stupid in a way that makes her want to barf instead and then lie helplessly on the floor and attempt to signal one of the Archons through prayer (although Fischl also gets the idea that no god can hear her from down here), and, well, there's something about syringes and her soulmate. Something that should make Fischl want to hide every vein on her body just in case she's next.

It's not hard to infer the missing piece. It brings to mind the exact idea that Fischl now hates more than anything she's seen in her entire life: the image of Collei, pinned in place by arms with strength like steel, and touching her with firm, accurate, probing fingers until—

"NO!" Collei cries. "DON'T! DON'T DO IT AGAIN!"

Fischl startles.

Collei?! They were supposed to all be leaving Collei alone! Fischl had drawn the attention of him and was going to sustain it. Why is Collei now being forced still, with her shrimpy little child arm in an iron-like clutch, as she is being threatened (no, not even threatened— he isn't looking to her reaction— he's just going to do it) a fresh syringe—

It is filled with a bubbling and swirling living dark fluid, animated, excited, pleased to make its way into Collei's bloodstream.

Collei's voice gives out.

Her face is hollow from terror.

She's not resigned to it. She's not prepared for it.

She doesn't feel able to do it again.

She barely gets through every day as is. Her heart has already submitted to the despair.

Fischl is crying. She hates it.

She hates every second of it.

Collei hasn't done anything. There's no reason for her to be here. This is no logical punishment for anything a child could do.

Fischl knows that Collei's heart, here, is full of hate. She thinks she would hate the whole world too if this was her life. She and Collei would be no different from each other. Fischl would hate the gods and all of Teyvat and everyone who tried to reach out to her for any reason.

(And if it was her instead of Collei, she would hate her stupid soulmate most of all for never even bothering to show up.)

She should have found a way to leave home sooner. She should have come to wherever this is.

She should have broken down the door to make her way here, and set Collei free — regardless of if Collei ever came to love her for it, or remained immersed in her hatred.

Collei stretches, her Eleazar-addled limbs clumsy and numb and everything, but... it's not terrible? That's confusing.

Oh. Right. She's already been resting for a day. Not that she got that much sleep last night, because...

Because Fischl! Collei had a nightmare that Fischl was in! Collei was back in the bad place where she grew up (or, didn't grow up, rather), and she was being held again and her head was being messed with and he was checking on her then-regressing Eleazar (with an intrusive, overbearing amount of touch, as he inspected each and every scale on her skinny arms, without asking her permission for so much as a single poke), and he was talking about "psychological conditioning" setting in really fast or something... and then there was Fischl trying to distract him. That part doesn't make sense.

...Well, okay, it makes sense Fischl would appear in Collei's obsessive dreams. It's because Fischl is part of her life, so therefore Collei will dream about her, simple as.

...

No, no, it doesn't make sense that Fischl would be there, trying to help her. It's not like Master Tighnari shows up in her dreams.

...Amber from Mondstadt doesn't show up in Collei's dreams either. Collei is supposed to be alone.

Collei sits all the way upright. Something's up. And... yeah, what's the deal with this? Is it a soulmate thing? It has to be a soulmate thing. Even having somebody as a soulmate is weird. Anything really, really weird is definitely going to be a soulmate thing. Collei's going to check on her.

Fischl is awake, on the ground, staring at her.

Collei yelps. "Fischl! ...How long have you been awake?"

"...Only about a minute, little ranger."

Hmmph. They really did wake up at the same time... oh, and, that's Fischl at it again with the various nicknames. Oh, it's like how Lisa always calls her "little Collei" in her letters, except Fischl has more variants! It doesn't exactly do much to help Collei feel like more of a teenager and less of a child... but at least Fischl appreciates Collei's life work as a forest ranger? Maybe?

Collei notices Fischl wiping a tear away. It's a failed attempt at being discrete.

Oh, Fischl...

They're going to have to talk about it.

They're not going to be able to put it off forever.

...Oh, Archons, Fischl is going to start asking about everything before long, or else figure it out herself.

Fischl chastises herself even as she knows she's doing the correct thing. Collei grumbles and wrenches away from Fischl's helping touch and then forces herself to be still again, as Fischl tries to concentrate so this doesn't take any longer than it needs to.

Fischl isn't used to wearing anything like medical gloves, and she's not used to doing anything beyond injury-related first aid. But Collei needs a second round of the heavy stuff before she can get completely better from the flareup. It's all just doctor's orders...

...no, wait. It's Tighnari's orders. Fischl does not know why, but Tighnari's orders sounds better. There is nobody else in this equation. And Fischl must never use certain word choices in front of Collei. They could be bad. And she also shouldn't say anything to the effect of "sorry, but I have to do this" or "good girl" (as praise for Collei staying still). ...Some of those would be extremely bad.

There is a lot within Fischl's power to do, however. And a lot of it is quite simple: Treat Collei like a human. A human child.

Oz hops along Collei's dresser, bobbing his head at the sickly little girl. Collei lets out an involuntary "aww" of cuteness and admiration.

There! Perfect! Fischl is so happy that that worked. Perhaps Collei would like some feathers to touch (they wouldn't be permanent objects, but Fischl can at least conjure them in different textures and lengths) or even let Collei hold Oz. It seems an easy way to get closer to Collei. Almost like cheating.

"So, Fischl, is... is Oz part of your Vision? Or was he an ordinary raven before you got it, and then he became magical?!"

"I am certainly tied to Mein Fraulein's Vision," Oz says, "but I have been her companion since the dawn of time in one way or another, it can be said."

"Oz! No, no. You've always been this way, just like this. Don't you know? You've always been with me!"

"I was not contradicting you, Mein Fraulein."

...Fischl realizes that Oz was, indeed, not spoiling his old identity of "imaginary friend." Whew. That was a close one...

Collei is lifting a trembling hand (her free one, that's trembling from the flareup and not from being touched by Fischl right now) close to Oz, but she hesitates, as though touching Oz is not allowed.

"Thou mayst pet him," Fischl says, sounding giddy. She likes that Collei is going this direction.

Collei lets out a tiny gasp, but it seems Fischl is getting better at interacting with Collei without flustering her. (Well, on accident. Maybe later she'll find ways to fluster Collei on purpose, like if she can pry for how Collei views Razor. That would bring her a great deal of entertainment.)

Collei starts petting Oz on his little raven head, very cautiously, and Fischl feels it make something stir inside of her, too: Oz's contentment, and a little bit of the sensation of physical affection. There's not many who get to pet Oz, in part because he is connected to Fischl, and Oz is, at the end of the day, guarding her and her feelings, oftentimes posted in the treetops to keep watch over her... but she lets him come down for a few. Collei can do whatever she wants, as soulmate to the Prinzessin, and if this is one of the few ways they can comfortably touch, then so be it.

"Thou also hast an animal companion?" Fischl says playfully.

Collei looks confused, but Fischl gestures at the cat plushie slumped over on the floor. (Fischl hopes Collei didn't think she meant Master Tighnari by "animal companion" — that would be embarassing!)

"Oh! Cuilein-Anbar? She's, uh... um... she's not sentient. She's comfy to sleep with and all, but she's just a doll I had to make myself. And then I make her come alive with my Vision. Well, okay, she's not really alive, it's just a stuffed animal, but... I think the word my friend Amber from Monstadt uses is... animated?"

Fischl's brows go up. "Would that be Amber as in... Outrider Amber?"

"Yeah! Do you know her? She's, um... kind of my hero. It's — it's complicated! But, um, I promise it's for a reason!"

Hmmm. Not as well as Fischl would like, she has to admit. But this is another piece of the Collei puzzle...

"We have worked together on occasion. She is of the Knights, and I am a prized investigator for the Adventurers Guild, after all. So is she someone thou hast met and is in close touch with, little Collei?"

"Oh, uh... I write to Amber as often as I can. Haven't heard from her in a little while, though. But she taught me so much in just a little while. She was so happy when she heard I got a Vision, and she answered a ton of my questions about what I could do with it, haha!"

Collei is babbling again. Fischl finds it adorable. And, clearly, she will have to pry more about this subject, and what the reliable Outrider has to do with Collei's story.

On that note, Fischl is finished with her task.

She peels off her medical gloves and disposes of them. Collei looks startled, like she wasn't expecting all the touching to be over yet. Maybe it bothers her less now?

"Thank goodness that's over," Collei says.

Oh. Then she's not better. Never mind.

Fischl gets up from her position at the bedside. "I will bring you some breakfast. Then, I wish to speak with thine Master. Is that acceptable?"

Collei nods. "You don't need my permission for that."

"No, I mean—" Fischl stumbles verbally. "I mean, I was asking if you were okay alone, or if you still needed me here."

Collei giggles. "I'm fine. Feeling better, even. You don't need to tend to me every second of every hour!"

But— well— what about making up for lost time? What if Collei does benefit from Fischl being there constantly? Wouldn't it be great if they were just inseparable now, and Collei always needed her around?

Fischl places a hand over her forehead, but turns so Collei doesn't see her doing so. It's a dull ache, a faint remnant of that accursed concussion. That's all. She's not frustrated at all...

"Hey," Fischl says. "Would it bother you if I went and talked to thine Master about the disease? I have... many things to ask him. About your care."

Collei consents to that. She knows a lot about her own condition, of course, but Master knows so much more about it in general, and he'll be better at the scientific side of the explanations.

Fischl probably has a lot to talk to Master about, and Collei herself is feeling better, so Collei goes and sits with Bennett, who's pondering a hole in the pocket on his vest.

"Where's Razor?" Collei asks cheerfully.

"Oh! Um, hi, Collei. Hi— you might want to watch out where you step! There's a—"

"A broken plank, I know. It's been there for months."

"...It has? It's not from me?"

Collei nods affirmation. Also, she takes the vest from Bennett's hands and gets out her sewing kit from her toolbelt. Her arms are feeling less numb, and some mild activity will keep them from stiffening up again.

"Collei, I, uh—"

"It's okay," Collei says, smiling at him. "I need to get my hands busy, now that I'm not completely down from my flareup."

"Oh. ...How are you doing in that regard?"

"I still need to take it easy, Master says. Rushing through will only make it worse. But getting my hands moving will help me get out of it! Haha!"

Bennett is smiling, but he's always looking at her with a worried expression, and a hand on the back of his neck. Like he's always nervous for her sake, or like he's flat-out never known somebody like her ever before. Collei hasn't explained it or anything, but everyone saw her break down in pain after catching up to Fischl, so that much at least is out in the open. That, and Bennett is watching Collei's handiwork like he absolutely does not deserve it.

"That General Cyno guy was back," Bennett says, as if just remembering. "He talked to Mr. Tighnari for a long time about stuff I didn't understand..."

"The statue, with the threads?"

"Yeah? Did you see it?!"

"I did. It wasn't scary or anything but it was super weird."

"Right. Well... now he's going to investigate it for himself... and Razor went running after him! I totally freaked out about it because from what I gather, the General is super important and scary, but Mr. Tighnari told me it would be fine and that Cyno has a heart of gold. ...Truth be told, I wasn't really going to believe it."

"...Really? But you changed your mind?"

Collei's hand, holding a needle, starts to tremble. It's only the recent memory of Cyno having to touch her neck, though. It's nothing worse than that.

Bennett looks at her again with that sad expression he can't fully get off his face when he's around her. Fischl and Razor are capable of treating her with a sense of fun, but Bennett, it seems, just can't help feeling sorry for her all the time. From the number of things she's let slip, she wouldn't really blame him.

"Yeah," Bennett says, finally glancing away. "I just kinda... figured that if you trust him... even if he's scary, he couldn't really be bad."

Fischl's raven hops up to Tighnari and addresses him as, "Lord Tighnari."

Tighnari lets out a weird noise. He's never been called anything like that before...

Tighnari turns around to see Fischl inspecting her fingernails and looking patient, but expectant.

"Ah, Fischl," Tighnari says warmly.

The girl is excessively strange, but, Tighnari likes her. Fischl's on his side, after all: She is clearly hardwired to care about Collei and be hyper-protective of her (as Tighnari could tell from that first meeting). As Collei's soulmate, she is perhaps the one person (besides himself and the fabled Outrider Amber) whom Tighnari can most trust with his skittish little apprentice. And, Collei has come a long way since he first came to shelter her, but she needs same-age friends in order to grow; getting to acclimate to a soulmate at the current stage of her life is even better.

The only thing is... well, there's something a little immature about her. Even besides her gimmicks. It feels like there's something she clings to in a not-yet-developed way. It's not her fault, but there's some gap that she needs to fill. That's all.

"You are feeling better now, from your concussion?" Tighnari says. "Let me know if there's anything you need, especially if it's for Collei."

"I do have a few things to ask about," Fischl says, nervously. "I... wanted to know more about Collei's illness. I talked with her about it and she said it was alright to ask you."

"Oh?" Tighnari stops what he was doing before and puts his full attention on Fischl. That makes her more nervous.

But this is excellent. He seems to like that he's looking into this. She'll want to know more about helping Collei whenever they are together in life, after all.

Tighnari gathers a couple of choice books and takes a seat. "How much has she told you so far, Fischl?"

"It's terminal," Fischl says ruefully, "even if she insists she's not going to expire any time soon. And, I do not believe it is directly linked to her phobia."

"Was that a guess, or did she tell you there was something else going on?"

"Educated guess," Fischl says vaguely. "And I will emphasize I am not here to pry about anything except the medical side of all this."

...Well. "Medical" side of it could probably encompass a lot of what is going on there. But, Fischl's only really asking about the disease. Nothing else.

"Collei is inflicted with a disease called Eleazar. It is native to the people of Sumeru, and appears at birth. It is considered to not be that uncommon; most people living in a dense area such as Sumeru City likely know at least one or two. I believe you have already seen Collei's scales and muscle tremors."

Fischl nods. "They are strangely beautiful, in a way."

"There are some that think that, yes. Many prefer to cover the symptoms, however, due to stigma."

"...Tell me about the stigma."

Ah. Another great question. One that clearly goes directly to Collei's well-being. Tighnari nods in approval.

"People with Eleazar have often been discriminated against abroad, even in developed places like Fontaine or the more populated parts of Liyue, for fear that their disease would spread. But Eleazar is congenital and completely noninfectious. In Sumeru, it is better understood: There are awareness campaigns, support groups, and retreats specifically for Eleazar patients. This village is one such retreat: most of the people here who aren't forest rangers are patients of the illness. I will say, Collei is the only person I know of, who came here for the one and wound up joining the other; but the forest rangers have a long history, so maybe there have been some before our time."

"How bad is the discrimination?"

"Some negative attitudes still persist, and there are still many who are ignorant or rude about it. From my own perspective, it seems like people are much kinder about it now than they were fifteen years ago or so."

"Do Collei's arm coverings have a crucial function, or is it just to hide the scales?"

"She shields herself when she's getting dirty, but she also needs to let her breathe daily. But around others, I would advise against encouraging Collei to go without them. I don't think she should have to wear them as much as she does, but whatever route she takes should be her choice, and I don't want to interfere."

Fischl feels a little annoyed, but she's not going to argue with Tighnari about it. It's more like... Fischl feels the anger on Collei's behalf. She hopes Tighnari is fine with that kind of anger from her.

"And... what of a cure?"

"There is no cure," Tighnari says flatly. "Eleazar creeps across the entire body, until the patient can no longer move... at which point, they enter hospice care. I'm really sorry about this, Fischl, but it's something to know about now."

"There has to be— if it's not uncommon— someone has to be investigating?"

"Oh, absolutely. They're working all the time in some labs in Sumeru City and elsewhere. I myself contribute, partly because of personal reasons, as much research help as I can: plant expertise, connections, and even soliciting Collei for tissue samples, so long as it's on her terms and she's feeling up to it. But unfortunately, as of now there is no known—"

"There has to be some way. No matter the cost. No matter how out-of-reach."

"I am really incredibly sorry, Fischl."

Tighnari folds his hands.

This is a rather difficult conversation, and he truly does not like the things that he is saying. But, they're true, and Fischl is going to be better off if she can just cram it into her head now that she likely won't have Collei her entire life (unless Fischl herself dies pretty young, which is a separate depressing thought).

Tighnari himself hates the knowledge, but at least it's sunken in for him. He's known it from the day he met Collei, and he resolved  way back then to do everything he can to shove Collei's illness as far forward into the future as possible and then do everything, everything, to get it to not creep into the present. It's a losing battle but he's going to fight tooth and nail because he knows Collei loves what little life she's got and she loves helping people and the one thing she really, really wants is to live as long as she can, be a good little forest ranger, and be generally altruistic.

Tighnari would never call himself altruistic, obviously. He's not like Collei, and also not even like that Kaveh soulmate he's got, because Tighnari generally believes plants (and fungi!) are better company than people.

But unintrusive, shy little Collei weaseled her way deeply into his heart (entirely on accident) and Tighnari thinks there isn't anything he wouldn't do for her if she had more courage to ask.

All his love for her is part of why telling all this to Fischl hurts so much (even if it's necessary).

"I'm really sorry to tell you there's no cure. But, as Collei's caretaker, have opted for some aggressive external treatments that minimize symptoms and slow the spread of the disease. I will tell you about our current strategies. Collei always says she entrusts me with anything that I think is best, but I always try to involve her as much as possible with the decision-making. For what she trusts my judgment with, I err on the side of treatments that have long been established as reliable, and veer away from experimental drugs."

Tighnari curses himself for his word choice. That was not a good word to use pertaining Collei and treatments.

It's true that, out of desperation, Collei sometimes gives the okay to a developmental drugs (at Tighnari's discretion and under his close observation), but yikes, Tighnari scolds himself any time he says the "e" word in front of Collei.

"Do people with Eleazar ever travel?" Fischl asks.

"What? Well, yes, they can. It's considered a bit difficult. Collei herself wandered for a long time with untreated, raging Eleazar that made her life a living hell in more ways than one. Untreated Eleazar is a sight considered not safe for life. I quite understand those who say they wish to gouge out their eyeballs after viewing medical illustrations of it."

Tighnari shudders, but does not completely repress the memory of Collei coming to him with shoddy bandages, ravaged skin, tear-stricken eyes, and gorey red scales that made her scream if anybody touched them. Cyno was with her, but he could only protect her from outside threats (and then that one thing deep inside of her). Collei's long trip all the way back to Sumeru where her skin was still gruesome and inflamed until she chose Tighnari's care (for he could not force it on her, heaven knows)... Collei was brave for sitting mostly still, and braver yet for trusting him in the first place, until she started coming to him crying for a new reason: that she simply could not believe the pain had finally left her and there was no ugly catch to it, no downside to the pain relief that, to her, was a miracle.

That is the most emotional Tighnari has ever felt from helping anyone in his life. It made a difference. Collei will still die someday, but Tighnari does not believe for one second that his efforts for her have been futile.

And now here's Fischl, who is refusing to accept that Collei will die one day, and it's getting in the way of her appreciating the small things that make a difference to that girl with a terminal disease. Fischl will not understand Collei until Fischl accepts the inevitable.

"I believe," Fischl says, "that you have given her the best care possible within the realm of Sumeru, and the Akademiya's sphere of influence." She's putting that flamboyant vocabulary of hers to appropriate use. "But art there not other masters of healing throughout the lands we walk? To what lengths have we broadened the net for the cherished little forest ranger?"

...Oh boy.

"My contacts are extensive, although there are some I could benefit from seeing in person," Tighnari replies. "Dr. Baizhu in Liyue is one. But, Fischl... you should just tell me now, what are you thinking of here?"

Her raven speaks for her. "Mein Fraulein has a grand scheme to take Collei to as many places as within reason, to consult different experts she knows of, who may be able to contribute. Her list includes the famed Sigewynne of Fontaine's Fortress of Meropide, as well as a number of people she can think of from Mondstadt, such as our chief alchemist, Albedo. We will add your Dr. Baizhu to our list, perhaps as a first stop."

Tighnari places a finger and thumb to his brow.

This conversation will be getting harder. There are bad ideas brewing here, and explanations that would overstep what Collei consented to Fischl learning today. And anyways, isn't the Fortress of Meropide a prison? This entire encounter is becoming a mess...

"Collei has been adventerous in many ways," Tighnari says, levelly. "And she's a brave girl. She loves travelling Sumeru as her body permits. Her chosen line of work is one that I believe has benefitted her health immensely, as well as her spirit. I believe deeply that her calling as a forest ranger or comparable is one of things that saved her. Collei cannot live a life where she is not an adventurer in some way. She would be miserable. ...That being said." Tighnari narrows his eyes as he folds his fingers into a steeple. He watches even this bold-faced Fischl tense under his gaze. "There are. A number of reasons. Why an extended journey, across Teyvat, to see a variety of specialists, could be terrible idea for Collei."

Fischl stays silent, from where she sits across from Tighnari. Her frown is one of concern. But, behind that eyepatch, there's definitely some gears clicking... hm. How much does she know?

"I've alluded to the fact that Collei trusting me, especially regarding hercare, is a feat in itself," Tighnari says. "She has a deep distrust of medical professionals. Even those with the best of intentions. I'm only tolerable because I have more of a... forest healer air to myself, alongside some... physical attributes, that are in my favor." Tighnari's ear does a meaningful flick to the side. "Collei associates me with nature, handicrafts, and living in the open air, rather than the sciences of one devoted to a more indoor kind of medicine. Do you understand this?"

"Would she be hostile, towards Dr. Baizhu? Or, say, Chief Alchemist Albedo?"

"I do not know the second name, but I can assure you that Collei detests being probed, prodded, observed, studied, inspected, scrutinized, interrogated, or anything of that sort. If you ever take her to any person about these things, you must never, no matter what, leave her side for even an instant. To do so would be tantamount to abandoning her."

"I would not dream of it."

Fischl's raven exchanges a look with her, but Tighnari does not understand it.

Well, whatever. There's not a whole lot left to explain. The pamphlets Tighnari has can do the talking, about the remaining factual things she should know about. Tighnari has some annotations to give her as well, about things specific to Collei, but this conversation is close to being done.

"Given her general bias against nigh anyone closely intertwined with science and medicine... it must now be clear that there may be little to be gained from taking her on a journey that would be risky for an Eleazar patient anyway. She must never be taken to places with extreme heat or cold, no matter if she thinks she can take it — and anyways, it's best that she just keeps a low profile." Tighnari takes a nice big deep breath and finally stands up. It just feels like he's been sitting for ages, explaining all that. "...Is the matter settled?"

"I will start raising the idea with Collei about going," Fischl says flatly, "and it will be seen what she herself decides."

Fischl stands there as Master Tighnari mouths a mute swear, pulls his ears down, and softly bumps a tense fist on a wooden column, all in the span of just a few seconds. He seems to be taking another deep breath before he can even continue speaking with Fischl.

"Why?" is all Tighnari can get out.

Fischl is clever. She knows he's not going to deny the bare minimum of letting Collei have the final say. But Fischl also knows she'll have to play fair. Tighnari would kill her if she fed Collei a false promise or premature hope.

"It is not so dangerous if the route is planned carefully, her ongoing treatment is kept in mind, we maintain stock of all supplies, and she is surrounded by her tight-knit band of allies. There is no reason she should attract public attention while we do this."

"And your objective? This list of people you want to see?"

"We will work together on a full list. We will seek out nobody that you do not approve of. I am in agreement that you know what is best for her."

Tighnari swears again, but it's silent, and Fischl still doesn't know what his chosen swear words are, really. Wow, he really knows that he won't be able to stop Collei, if Collei ultimately decides to go on the pilgrimage...

"With all due respect, Lord Tighnari," Fischl says, feeling her own impudence as she speaks, "Collei may see this as a blessing. The journey itself, and the wide array of wisdom."

"You understand she is to visit no hacks, shrinks, or shady doctors, and you will keep her the hell away from the Fatui!"

Oh.

There it is. A new piece of info. Mental note, taken. Not that this surprises Fischl. Something about the missing piece just feels like it makes sense.

Tighnari looks surprised at his own slip-up. He swears a little more just to himself. Then he forces a more neutral expression back onto his face. "Ahem. Since I just said that... I need to make clear of something. Princess Fischl... do you currently have, or have you ever had any dealings, of any sort, with the Fatui?"

'Princess' must be the extent to which Tighnari is willing to say her title. Fischl is surprised and even a little impressed that she got that from him.

At any rate, Fischl's answer is simple. "I have nothing to do with the Fatui."

"If the answer had been yes," Tighnari says, with a threatening edge in his voice, "then you would have no choice to sever the ties now, and never look back or deal with them or collaborate on a commission or what-have-you ever again. That is the price of being Collei's soulmate. It is non-negotiable. If you refused to pay that price, then I would do everything I could to drive you away from Collei and keep you from ever coming back here to see her."

"I entirely understand," Fischl says. "And, now I know more about which faces deserve to be gored and asundered by my fell arrows."

At that, Tighnari seems to melt with relief, or maybe just exhaustion and exhasperation. Fischl can tell that he's been freaking out over Collei a lot these past few days, and some of it had already been Fischl's doing... she should cut the man a break. They're on the same side.

"You have done an immeasurable amount for one man," Fischl says gently. "The way she looks at you and speaks of you, I get the impression that she would not have survived if not for your wisdom and love."

Is Tighnari crying? Well, crap. Fischl didn't mean to make Tighnari cry.

"Master Tighnari," Fischl says softly, even though the title doesn't fit. (Tighnari isn't her master. He's Collei's.) "Will you be alright?"

"I'll—" SNIFF— "be fine. It's just stressful." Tighnari slouches against the wall, and then shifts and sinks even lower. "Your idea is a good one. Let Collei decide. And if the time comes... STAY TOGETHER. Do. You. Understand. ?"

"Stay together," Fischl echoes, "and murder the Fatuus that comes within a thousand yards of my soulmate."

Tighnari peels off the hand that had been plastered over his crying eyes.

"Oh thank Archons," he says at last. "You really do get it."

Chapter Text

Who in Sumeru could be responsible for this?

Cyno is focused on the task at hand, as he paces the clearing while keeping a close lookout at the same time. He'd have some of his own troops with him, too, except he fanned them out today to check the rainforest more widely for any signs of this mischief. It's been a couple of days and they haven't found much.

Cyno sighs as he runs a hand through his hair. He's not as pious as some, to be certain, but if he didn't swear fealty to the Dendro Archon, would he even really be a Sumeran, through and through? He likes to think that he's aspiring to ultimately do HER work: judging the criminals of Sumeru in a wise way, knowing when to have mercy and when to punish severely. This crime does not feel bad or harmful (yet?) but it still edges against Cyno's mind and has him wanting to punish somebody for it. This action was deliberate, disrespectful, and maybe even somehow heretical.

The Lesser Lord has been spending a long time in isolation, and the lack of communication with her is frustrating to many citizens, but... oh, Cyno can't help his love for the god that nobody has seen. He wants to pledge loyalty and kneel for his Archon but he can't, and the closest thing he has is the statues to worship at, and now somebody has defiled one in a very strange way. Everything had been going great, too: unrelated cases were progressing, his unspent vacation time was waiting for him, the longsuffering Tighnari was finally finding success in persuading Cyno to take a break, and Cyno was mentally ready to just be able to sit with his best mate and enjoy some home-cooking while Tighnari caught him up on Collei's life updates and lectured him about work habits and not having hobbies, and maybe Cyno could have napped against Tighnari's shoulder for a little while too. That would have been swell. But no, something has to have happened to bother him enough that he can't kick his feet up even for an instant.

He does do one thing adjacent to resting, however. Cyno, at the statue, cannot help but pause his investigation for an exhasperated kneel there, on behalf of his Archon.

"Lesser Lord Kusanali, please cut me a break," he says.

While he is looking down, Cyno sees somebody on the ground beneath the statue. Somebody slight and wide-eyed and staring up at him.

...It's that kid, from the other day.

Cyno deadpans, "can I help you?"

The disheveled boy looks like he's starting to drool. Cyno sighs, gets up from his kneeling position (without a single thought of worship as he'd at first intended) and leaps all the way down to where the little guy is.

"General Cyno powerful and cool..."

Cyno doesn't know how to interact with little kids (or teenagers). They're usually terrified of him. Nobody in Sumeru doesn't fear Cyno at least a tiny bit (except for his friends, when he's lucky).

"Hello," Cyno says. What does he even say? "Please forgive me. I don't remember your name."

"Razor!" he yelps, looking very excited.

"Well, Razor. I have to ask you why you came out here. Was it only to see me?"

Razor does a slow blink, as though he doesn't comprehend.

...Archons help him, Cyno's got an admirer.

What does he say to him? The kid's got a heavy collection of scars all over him, yet his facial expression is naive and clueless, as though he has never felt the sting of betrayal or cruelty. He'd otherwise remind Cyno of somebody else he knows, but there's just so much innocence here; this is not a flayed child, but merely an orphaned one who has experienced a great many scrapes.

"You've got a big sword," Cyno says, neutrally. "Do you know how to use it well?"

Razor glances away.

"Razor still learning," he says. "Razor always learning. Purple teacher Lisa say... not get too con... confi..."

"Confident," Cyno says, for him. Razor nods with alertness. Cyno is also surprised that Razor knows Lisa, but their Teyvat is not so large a place at the end of the day, really.

"Confident! Razor not sure if strong enough. Fischl call Razor strong. Razor protect friends many time."

"Let me see," Cyno says, as he decides to finally come down to look at him.

Razor's heart begins to pound as Cyno gently grasps one of Razor's hands and inspects it.

Cyno is amazing! So lithe and strong! Cold but powerful! And white hair, and wolf spirit, and serious air! Razor wants to learn from Cyno!

Cyno turns over Razor's hand, and carefully touches his palms. "You have calluses from wielding your sword so much. You would be strong even without a Vision. Is that what the spirit inside of you is? Part of your Vision?"

Razor grumbles. This not a happy story. "Razor Lupical... wolf family... killed. Razor family gone except for... for spirit. My Vision... hold all that is left."

Cyno doesn't have much of a reaction, but Razor senses it. The man tenses up.

"That is a very sad story," Cyno says. "Who takes care of you now?"

"People of Monstadt," Razor says.

"Who killed your family?"

"...Razor not want to talk anymore."

"...then I shouldn't have asked. I'm very sorry."

"Who Cyno?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Razor want to understand... who Cyno?"

Cyno is always quiet and still. But something drenches him now and makes him feel cold.

...How does he tell this little guy what he is? How could he possibly invite him in to that? To the sacrifice, the willing endurance of torture, the dark places he's had to drag his spirit down to within the Temple of Silence? All the things that he did for the sake of letting THEM mold him into a stronger man, one capable of protecting Sumeru?

All that is why Tighnari, as much as Cyno cares about him, is not capable of fully understanding Cyno. Cyno cannot ever tell Tighnari the full truth, and so Tighnari will never understand why his lectures on work/life balance will never reach him. Such concepts apply to other people. They do NOT apply to Cyno.

A veritable bloodhound is the only thing Cyno is meant to be. Ultimately, there should never be a thing between him and the Dendro Archon. That is all his life is built for.

But here's this little guy who loves him even though he's done barely a thing to warrant this attention... oh man. It would have been fantastic if he'd just trailed after Tighnari instead or something. Tighnari's already got one rough-and-tumble apprentice trailing after him everywhere. Tighnari's the normie! HE'S supposed to attract all the teenagers who just want to learn from someone big and strong! Cyno's supposed to scare them all off...

Razor is still staring. Even now.

"Cyno smell like fresh lightning. And... Mr. Fox tail?"

Cyno stiffens. Those smells should be faint by now (it's been hours since he was last sitting next to Tighnari while being lectured about being careful out there, with a tail-flick given to his side). Does this boy have some kind of super-sense, like Tighnari's hearing?

"You can smell things?" Cyno asks. This might just be the lead he's struggling to find. "What does this place smell like?"

Razor bristles. There's a hostile, alarmed look in his forthcoming scowl.

"It smell like strange, bad magic... and a man with a gun!"

The Archons will have to forgive him for this one. Cyno is using Razor as his own personal bloodhound. Cyno goes after Razor, as Razor tracks the scent deep into the woods.

If the kid didn't have a Vision, there's no way this would be going down. But, Razor is guaranteed to be at least a little bit resilient...

A gun. Some kind of bad magic. There's not a lot of factions around that would have both. He hopes to keep Razor out of this, just as soon as they're caught up... Cyno plans on dismissing Razor.

But will that work? Will Razor stay out of it?

Cyno beckons for Razor to stop, as Cyno hears dim voices up ahead.

The two Fatui don't have time to discuss much, however. They catch on too quickly to Cyno and Razor and turn to face their opponent.

"RAZOR, RUN!" Cyno roars, as he tears into the camp. "I will deal with the situation! You two are under suspicion; now tell me everything you know about the incident with the Gandharva Statue, or face judgement!"

Cyno levels his polearm at the male Fatuus, the gunner.

He raises both arms nonchalantly. "What incident with what statue? We're just having a peaceful time camping outside the city a bit."

Yeah. They definitely have something they're hiding.

"What, too cowardly to live amongst commoners?" Cyno growls.

The female Fatuus (a mirror maiden) cuts in. "Have you even seen rent these days?!"

Cyno's gaze wanders to Razor. Razor is sniffing at a loose package.

"Korowitz!" The mirror maiden yells. "Get that whelp! Before he gets covered!"

All chaos breaks loose.

The air breaks with fresh ozone and the sounds of Cyno and Razor's twin cries of thundering fury. Two canine spirits, four heavily-clawed hands bearing down on their foes...

Korowitz briefly has his rifle pointed at Razor. That doesn't last long. Cyno snaps the firearm in half. The other one, the mirror maiden, tries going after Cyno in the meantime... only for Razor's fierce strikes to save Cyno from any injury.

Together, they subdue the two Fatui.

Cyno chains them in place and confiscated their Delusions. Both of these two will be inspected more thoroughly. There will also be some paperwork, of course. But this is on the whole a good thing. An excellent start.

Cyno stoops by that weird package that's now leaking a glittery silver. It changes color in the sunlight between different metallic shades. Hm...

Cyno procures an empty vial and starts getting a sample. It looks like an illicit or unknown substance, if nothing else. There's other things here to get some evidence of, too. Cyno will look into that.

But first...

"Razor," Cyno says gravely. "Are you unharmed?"

"Razor minor scrapes and bruise. Not very hurt."

Cyno grunts. He's not sure that's good enough for him. This was only two Fatui, and Razor definitely had some hits landed on him (even though he proved himself one hell of a Vision-bearing kid so far). Furthermore, he doesn't want Razor caught up in the red tape of the Matra and their business.

The chain on Cyno's own neck is tight. He should have no bloodhound of his own. That would be wrong.

But, there's no way to just get Razor to sit quietly or go home. Cyno also can't have Razor tailing after him and getting into bigger danger than this. Cyno's job is to go looking for trouble and drama and violence; Razor probably doesn't need more than a normal orphan's load of those things. How does Cyno know Razor is an orphan? Just a hunch. They tend to give off certain vibes.

...Wait a minute. There IS one thing that Cyno can, in good faith, ask this boy to do. Something that Cyno, crucially, cannot do.

Cyno does not show a lot of weakness, and he does not know how to talk to kids. But something instinctive stirs within him and brings him to kneel down to get on Razor's level.

"I have a special mission for you," Cyno says, in his flat drawl.

Razor startles with excitement at those words.

Hm... How does he put this?

Cyno places hands on Razor's shoulders. "Do you go with Fischl everywhere?"

"Not always. But a lot of time."

That's good.

"This has to do with Collei. I want you to be close to her, when Fischl will have it." Cyno speaks the words and feels a stab of envy in his hardened heart. "I asked something similar of your friend Bennett, but there's an important addition. I asked him to be her friend, but... I want you to be her friend and protector. You are strong."

"...Collei look strong too."

"Yes, and she is. She's a very brave, very resilient little girl. But she is also small and troubled, and there are still things in the world that could hurt her. You seem unafraid of some of those things, and strong enough to hold them off."

"So Collei have a Master... and a soulmate... and Razor too?"

"Yes, Razor. She deserves all the protection and feeling of safety that she can get in this life."

Cyno is starting to get a weird feeling. Before he knows it, he's smiling, even. What a rare occurrence.

Razor's eyes are filling up with light and happiness. "Is it a... secret mission?"

"You can tell her if it comes down to it. But for now..." Cyno grins a genuine, happy grin. "Call yourself her friend, and that will be cover enough for many moons at least."

Cyno's heart is full of stabbing pains that he can't be the one to have all these friends and revel in the company of them all. He can't be Collei's protector now. He can't be with Tighnari as much as he would like... he can't even drink with their other two mutual soulmates more than once in a blue moon...

...but here, he's found a worthy candidate for an important task indeed.

Cyno follows a weird instinct (is this how he would feel about Collei, if things were different?) and places a heavy hand on top of Razor's messy hair. He tousles it.

And, just above the two of them, a lithe jackal spirit exchanges a firm handshake with the spirit of a wolf.

Chapter Text

Fischl taps on the door and says, "soulmate?" in a pleased tone of voice.

Collei perks upright. "Oh! Fischl!"

"We wouldst like to propose that thou join us in a... group bonding activity. What say you?"

Is that the royal we? Collei isn't completely sure. Either way, she chirps, "sure! What are we doing?"

She thinks she can hear Bennett and Razor squawking at each other in the background... what's going on?

Fischl sits down and calmly explains. "Thine companion Razor faces a struggle in maintaining his glorious tresses, but is too prideful to ever cut them. We are once again cornering him for the regularly scheduled... hair washing."

"No! Razor hair fine!" Razor bawls, as Bennett at last seems to be holding him in place with a full-body hug (you really would think they were soulmates!) down at the freshwater stream where they've managed to lure Razor. All of the garments from Razor's upper body are removed, seemingly willingly; they are all folded up in a pile. Collei wonders if Razor does not actually have a problem with this ritual, if he went along with it to that extent. Or maybe he just didn't want to get more of his clothes wet than he has to...

Either way, wow, Razor isn't exactly modest about being shirtless. It seems very natural to him, actually. Collei also notices that he has a lot of slashlike scars on his body. Everything she's heard about him being raised feral must be true, then. Still, she wonders about the nature of the scars... oh, but the fact that Razor shows them so openly means that he's not embarassed about them at all. Collei thinks he's lucky to have that attitude.

"Thou dost possesseth fine hair," Fischl says threateningly, "and that is exactly why it must receive its regularly scheduled deep-clean. We must keep the insects out!"

Fischl uses a cookware cup to start dumping scoops of water onto Razor's head as it sinks into his hair. Razor lets out a muted, not-actually-distressed cry.

Wow, it really is long... Collei starts helping Fischl with soaking all Razor's hair. It's longer than everyone else's hair combined, in fact. Fischl's might technically be long, but her pigtails don't compare to this. Collei will believe Razor has never cut it.

Bennett has been struggling to hold Razor in place, but now Razor seems to resign himself and go still. Benny continues to hold him but the strained expression on his face goes away. He and Collei look at each other and giggle.

But Razor starts wiggling around again as Fischl squeezes soap onto his head and starts bubbling it up real close to his scalp. He lets out a little whimper.

"Razor," Fischl says motheringly, "it'll all go by faster if you keep still."

Those words.

Those exact words!

Collei remembers some things and feels elsewhere. She feels like she's strapped to a table or pinned to the floor... she hears fake concern for her, and dreads the fake treatment and matters discussed as inevitabilities...

Collei whimpers and feels her eyes filling with tears. Please, don't let them do anything else to her today... she wants for it to be a good day in here... all she needs is to be left alone by them... if that happens, it'll be a good day! She doesn't want to have to keep still, she doesn't want to have to endure anything, she doesn't want to be their victim anymore. She just wants to be nothing all by herself.

"Collei? You're sort of, uh, spacing out."

What? Is someone talking to her? Oh! Bennett!

"Oh. Um." Collei feels herself blushing with shame. Was she really indulging in a flashback in front of her friend group? "I'm fine. But, um, thanks for snapping me out of it."

"Hey, no problem!"

Meanwhile, Fischl's nails are scrubbing through the tresses of Razor's hair, as Razor wiggles around a little bit still. "Collei! Help me, if thou doth feel comfortable!"

"Oh! Right away!" Collei chirps.

The physical activity of getting her fingers down in Razor's hair and carding them through to get out the bugs, twigs and dirt brings her back to the real world.

Unfortunately she does not fully forget the flashback... it's so weird that Fischl said that exact phrase, even if she said it in the most different way possible.

Still, Collei catches Bennett glancing over at her when he thinks she isn't looking. It's definitely a concerned look.

She likes it. She likes that she has friends who care this deeply. And Collei likes when people know about her trauma. She really does. But trying to explain it is just really shameful at times...

She continues looking at Razor. Razor is really pretty for a boy? There's usually a big curious expression on his face and he seems strangely innocent for somebody raised by wolves. There's not a mean bone in his body but he's covered in scars nonetheless. He's obviously a bit unconventional but it's just refreshing to know somebody else who isn't "from" society.

Being around Razor is easy, except for the fact that he's so imperceptible and nobody knows what he's thinking. Collei only hopes he likes her...

Razor has gotten to where he sits very still and his friends are almost done with his hair. In fact, now they're brushing it out and detangling it and Razor can feel the wind in it much better than before. This definitely helps. For part of Razor's life, he didn't have anybody to help with these things... but when he's around Fischl, she makes sure nothing is overlooked. Fischl always wants to make sure Razor is taken care of.

What Fischl has never done, however, is try to change Razor. Razor is very confused about the Immernachtreich but he knows he still has a place in these things Fischl talks about. That's enough for him. Fischl has also hasn't forced Razor to get rid of his wild instincts or become completely civilized to better fit in with people of Monstadt.

Fischl has always been very very nice to Razor. Razor wishes he was like Collei to have a soul thread. It would be fine if it was Benny, because Razor loves Benny. He just wishes it was to somebody. Razor cannot decide who is luckier between Fischl and Collei to have the other as soulmate...

Oh! Fischl's hands run downwards through Razor's hair alllll the way to the ends and it feels really good. Razor likes this part!

Having three people around him and all working on his hair (all gentle even though Collei is new at it and clumsy) feels very very nice, because Razor loves being touched. Sharp touch of battle bad (and Razor has many scars to prove it) but many touches are very good. He used to be very lonely when he wasn't taken care of (between losing Lupical and gaining new human family), and Razor was very sad when nobody was there to hold him, but now things very different. Fischl and Benny have infinite snuggles and there lots of other good touch too like hair-brushing and hand-holding and tickle fights that Razor usually loses (Fischl is a strange friend but a wonderful one).

And now Razor is conflicted. Because not only Razor want to protect Collei, like Cyno ask him to, but... Razor want to touch Collei. Not bad touch or evil touch, but... nice touch. Friendly touch.

But Razor knows he cannot touch Collei. He saw when Benny touched her at first meeting. It was very, very bad. Somebody must have hurt Collei very, very badly. Or maybe hurt her over a very long time.

Oh, and Razor knows it must have been a somebody and not a something, because Collei will hug forest ranger dogs and other animals and it no bother her. And anyways, Razor know better than anybody that animals cannot hurt somebody so bad. Animals do not know how to be bad enough; animal can toy with prey, but not long before kill and be done with it. It surely took human to scare Collei so badly. Or, maybe something even worse than human? But Razor not understand what could possibly be that.

All that only leads Razor back to wanting to give Collei hug, but he can't give Collei hug. It very frustrating! Collei very cute and nice and bashful. And Collei giggles when Razor talks to her, or when she gets to touch his hair, and Razor likes being near her! Razor want new friend snuggle. Collei would fit well in the BIG friend snuggle. But Razor must hold back his instincts to snuggle!! Which is really bad, because looking at Collei activates the instincts really hard, and it gets worse since she's so super nice to everyone!!! Razor wants to hug her so bad BUT HE CAN'T!!

Razor looks at his friends with an awestruck look and he thanks all of them. It looks like he feels better now!

Collei uses her hand to half-hide a smile when she giggles at Razor. Razor may be somebody bigger and stronger than her, but he's extremely cute about everything. She thinks that, if she wasn't so haphephobic, she'd want to cuddle him! He might be much better than a plushie, on cold rainy nights...

Razor lets out an excited bark in his very human voice. Then he covers his face as though it was embarassing. It was strange but still rather cute, Collei decides.

His hair is so glistening and white and clean... and Collei doesn't think she'd ever be able to handle hair that long, but it looks pristine (in a wild way) on him. She loves getting to touch soft things, and spending so much time handling Razor's hair was a sensory paradise for her. It didn't even bother her as much as it would have for her hand to occasionally touch Fischl's or Benny's.

But, she thinks (as Fischl still is eyeing Razor with that sly, threatening look of hers), Benny himself has been pretty quiet today...

They spend more time in the forest that day, all working together on the chores that used to be just Collei's. The plants she tends, the signposts she checks for repairs, the careful logs and notes she keeps for Master... She's practically teaching all of them how to be forest rangers. At this rate, they should just join the rangers semi-officially while they're in Sumeru!

And then what happens? Collei doesn't know. Maybe they'll all stay together or maybe she'll just get to keep Fischl. Either way, she'll cherish this while she can: sitting with so many people who care about her, and enjoying good weather, and bonding over every little thing...

That afternoon, for whatever reason, Collei finds herself taking Bennett by the wrist and drags him away with her to a clearing where they can talk.

Bennett splutters and stammers the entire time with her but he isn't complaining? It must be the sheer surprise of being touched by Collei.

On the way over, they are met with three separate falling branches (all of which Collei hears in plenty of time to pull them away from), seven inconveniently-placed roots that would trip up any ranger less careful than she is, a stray arrow from a Hilichurl infight that soars close and threatens to rip Bennett's bag (but she shoves him aside in time) and some poisonous berries growing very close to not-poisonous berries (she keeps them from going there; enough said). It's a wicked amount of random bad luck things (she MIGHT be starting to understand Benny's "curse" that she had easily dismissed before) but none of them are things that are genuinely upsetting to her.

She doesn't know why Bennett, and she knows this has to be extremely awkward for him, since he's messed up around her so badly once before. But she wants it to be him. She wants him to start to understand, because he's already started wondering, and because he's got a good heart and she just really actually deep down inside WANTS everyone else to know.

Collei feels her old mode of thinking slip back into her. Just enough to be seen. Not enough to derail everything and make it bad. She likes it when it's there in a manageable way.

"I'll tell you, Benny," she says, beaming at him like sunshine. "So you don't have to wonder."

"What? No, um, you really don't have to!"

"What if I want you to know?" Collei says, leaning in close to him. This might be making him a little bit uncomfortable, but Collei can't stop herself (even though she's definitely violating the manners she's learned from being around Tighnari).

"Then... you can tell me."

"Okay. Um... well... you see..."

Bennett has a few concise, startling words whispered in his ear.

Collei catches Bennett's arm before he can pull away too far from how startled he is.

Bennett is panting. He looks at Collei, extremely startled. And he glances down to their linked arms, and then back up to Collei's face.

"How come?!" is all he winds up saying. "Where?! Who?!"

Collei doesn't seem unhappy. Why doesn't she seem unhappy?!

"I'm better now," Collei says. "It's okay, Benny."

"It's not okay! Who hurt you? Collei, I'm so sorry!"

Collei leans up to his ear and Benny realizes that she must have to whisper it every time she says something unbearable yet true.

What she whispers now is, "the Fatui."

Collei's heart is beating very quickly. It was really hard to say that. Even so, this keeps Bennett from wondering anything different. And he can also see that Collei is better now and safe from the bad things, and it can explain some of her weirdness to him. He might accept her more like this.

"Does Fischl know yet?" he asks.

"I think she's piecing it together." Collei imagines if Fischl knew the perpetrator. Fischl would probably be heading out now to try and murder some Fatui. It makes sense to go ahead and tell Bennett, though, because he doesn't have (in)convenient access to Collei's nightmares to try and learn it from.

Bennett frowns when he looks back up to her. "But why... why would it be me that you tell first?"

Bennett has never specifically disliked the Fatui, beyond just knowing that they're dangerous. That might have to change now.

"I'm okay," Collei tells him. "I'm okay now. I really am."

"Oh gosh... Collei... no, that's not okay! That's... that's horrible that it ever happened to you..."

"No! You don't have to feel bad for me. I just... told you because I trust you."

Bennett still doesn't know what to make of it. His stomach is flip-flopping around. He feels so awkward about this...

Collei seems to take a deep breath and look at him more intently.

Bennett startles when Collei takes his hands gently in her own.

"You don't have to feel bad for me," she says. "I promise. No matter what, I don't want people to feel bad for me or take pity on me... unless maybe it's Master Tighnari, some of the time. I don't mind it from him. But everyone else... I just want to be a normal teenager like everyone else."

Bennett doesn't dare touch Collei back. He knows that, even now, it would hurt her. And he never wants to hurt her again.

"I know the General already talked to you. He told me about it, before he left. But I wanted to tell you, too... that I agree with him. He's right. I just want friends who can surround me. I know that you, Fischl, and Razor can together do the job... but you haven't been completely on board yet."

Which is she? Is she fragile or unkillable? Maybe she's stronger than she's letting on...

"You don't need to be afraid of scaring or hurting me. You know I don't like touch, and now you know I don't like the Fatui. Other than that, I'm not scared of anything."

Something clicks on the inside for Bennett.

Friends. She didn't have friends. Whatever the Fatui did with her must have kept them all away...

...and if Bennett kept away now, it wouldn't make him any better for it.

She doesn't really care about the things she's afraid of, since she acts even now like she's unafraid of telling someone what happened. But she does care about being alone. Good grief, she really should have had Fischl sooner...

"You really don't mind?" Bennett asks. "How much trouble I bring? You can really handle it?"

"Wanna bet?" Collei asks.

There's yet another branch that snaps overhead and tries to crush them, but it's sniped in two by Fischl, who must have already been watching them. Bennett is still tugged far out of the way by Collei, who was, of course, prepared for anything.

Fischl places her hands on her hips. "And what, pray tell, were my other two friends discussing without me?"

Oz bobs his head from where he sits on Fischl's shoulder. "Mein Fraulein jests.

Collei notices Razor now. Wow! Fischl added some impressive braids into his hair! He looks so tame in comparison to this morning... hmm, maybe they'll last a little while?

"Um... I was just thinking, I finally have a word for everybody?" Collei says.

"A word?" Fischl asks.

"Um. Yeah. There's a thing I do where I... come up with a word that suits each person I get close to. And I do that for... all my friends! For example, Amber from Monstadt makes me feel super sunshiney all over, so her word is 'warm.'"

Fischl seems sufficiently distracted from the fact that Collei and Bennett had gone off alone together to discuss something without her. Her expression is transformed into one of intrigue. "Thine master? My own self?"

"Master Tighnari has always been really soft and careful with me, so his word is 'gentle,' even if he's not generally like that to just anybody. And then... um... Fischl was really hard to pin down since you're just... so many things, haha! But what I settled on is 'devoted.'"

Fischl looks strangely impressed. Bennett is, too. He had no idea that this was going on inside of Collei's head, all along.

And he has to feel weirdly guilty about it now too! He thought that she was some frightened, shy little girl who he had to avoid traumatizing any further. Now he knows that she's unexpectedly insightful and ... wow, what was he missing before?!

"So what is Bennett?" Fischl asks, leaning in closer to Collei.

"I don't know him very well but, Benny seems 'dependable.' Like someone who'll never let you down!"

Wow.

First time that Bennett's ever heard that one!

He pumps his fist in the air and cheers.

That leaves only one person.

Razor looks at Collei with big eyes and an inquisitive head tilt.

...Oh. She's back on Razor again, isn't she? Collei gets all nervous-spellbound when she's right up in front of him like this... the boy with the long soft hair and pool-like red eyes and battle scars (rough and scattered and faded to a soothing tangle of perfection). The boy raised by wolves, and born of wind and freedom even moreso than most Monstadters. Someone full of awe and wonder at the great big wide world just like she is.

Collei has wished for a long time now that she had just been born in Monstadt, and lived amongst people blessed by the gods, and known the kind of love that children there experience. (She loves her home country, but Sumeru is a very, very large place with many more ways for shadows to lurk at its edges, and even now it might not entirely be safe.)

She never, ever thought that anybody so Monstadt could be so very much like her.

How does she express that to Fischl and the others, though? How does she encapsulate the way she feels when she looks at Razor? How can she say it in no more than a single word?!

"Um. My word for Razor is... I guess... 'cute'?"

All heck briefly breaks loose.

Fischl is laughing, even as she looks awestruck. "Little Collei!"

Why is she laughing?! Is she laughing at HER?!?

Bennett seems to have diffused from his own personal awkwardness at being complimented (by something that goes against his own self-image, no doubt) by the revelation. He's acting startled, like it wasn't normal! But he's not disapproving or anything, he just looks kind of, Collei doesn't know, "oh"?!?

And Razor...

Razor's skin is flushed a bright vermillion, as he stares at Collei with rigid fright on his face.

Collei pulls her hood over her head. She shouldn't have said that! She really should not have said that!

"Sorry! Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry!"

Razor looks like he's about to say something? He's reaching out to her. Not touching her, but breaking free from his silence, and some of the color fades from his face as he looks down at the cowering Collei...

...when they are suddenly interrupted by a messenger bird with a letter addressed to Collei, and written in plain language, in Master's tidiest handwriting (he has a more deranged scrawl in his personal notes, that Collei cannot hope to decode).

"Master... wants to see me and Fischl?"

Master looks pleased when he sees Collei. Collei perks up. She's secretly glad for the excuse to be away from Razor. Not that she likes being away from him, per se... but that was an awkward conversation she got them into.

"There's both of you girls. Come take a seat."

Fischl and Master share something; some kind of a nod of understanding. Collei thinks there's something she isn't aware of between them?

"It's been a few days since that flareup," Master says. "How are you feeling, Collei?"

The tone instantly soothes her nerves. It isn't pity, not quite... but it's fondness. The Master whom Collei wants to only make proud... part of why she wants to grow up is because that makes him proud, too.

"I'm feeling a lot better! Nothing's happened to scare or fluster me."

Fischl gives Collei the "are you sure about that" look. Ugh, Collei hopes she'll hear the end of this sometime soon, but... Fischl just might be the one who is most interested in what Collei meant by finding Razor cute. How is Collei supposed to do that when she isn't even sure what she meant by it herself?! It was all that came to mind for Razor!

"That's splendid to hear. I've been wanting to run you on an errand, Collei. There's someone I need to talk to but can't exactly leave my post, much of the time... and I want you to do it in my stead. I also have a long letter with details about... well, the incident at the Statue. I want her full perspective on it. It's about time you met her, too."

"...Me?!"

"Yes. She's one of my soulmates and I trust her very much, even though I haven't spent nearly enough time with her." Tighnari peels back his sleeve to reveal... wait, he has three different bird soulmates? "Her name is Layla. She's a researcher dealing with many things related to astrology, soulmates, and fate. You might learn from talking to her, too!"

A researcher? That means...

"Sumeru City, and the Akademiya, would be an overwhelming trip for you all by yourself," Tighnari says, crossing his arms. "Fortunately, you obviously won't be by yourself."

Collei and Fischl exchange a relieved glance. Yes, that much goes without saying. It's also nice that Tighnari correctly assumed it too, for that matter... it's super weird, but after clicking with Fischl, the thought of splitting up for any reason just seems... irrational?

Fischl's expression when she looks back to Tighnari seems weirdly... grateful, maybe? Collei wonders what went on between the two of them. Clearly she's missed something.

"I'll also give you some allowance, so you can stay at an inn and buy anything you want with the extra. I want you to relax and not exert yourself, and not stress out too hard about anything. You can see it as a casual meeting, not a formal one. I trust you with this task, and don't want you to worry about anything. Is that clear?"

"...But what if there's a question I should ask but forget to?!"

"Collei, you'll probably ask something I haven't anticipated but could benefit from knowing the answer to. That's why you're the one I send, in addition to this letter. I promise you're fine. Nothing you do could ever disappoint me."

...Oh.

Wow, that's a little more overt than his usual encouragement... and it's right in front of Fischl to boot. Collei's face heats up yet again.

"Anything else we need to know?" Fischl asks, casually kicking one leg over her other one, as her hands dangle off the arms of the chair she's on.

Tighnari smirks. "Feed and water her very carefully, mind the crowds, and... if you see a stressed-out architect day-drinking... tell him to cut the booze already before I have to come up there myself to slap sense into him."

Once the girls have embarked, Tighnari remembers the letter he sent out a little while ago. The one he'd deliberated about sending, once Fischl showed up and seemed like just the older girl who'd be equipped to solve the problem (because Tighnari certainly can't do it himself). But then he'd gone and sent it anyways, just because at that point it felt like sort of a shame not to, and he'd really felt pretty good at that point about the idea of doing something nice for somebody.

...Oh, Kusanali help him. He's set up something awkward and there's no way to take it back now.

"Forgive me, Collei," he says, with a very tired, melodramatic swoon over his desk. "But Madam Faruzan is seldom a soulmate whom I am able to do this much of a good deed for..."

Chapter Text

Dear Madam Faruzan,

I write to you about a sensitive matter, as I have a request of a personal nature, and thought you might be the best person to help me handle things, given both your life experience and your enthusiasm for wanting to help me with a certain somebody.

I am sure you are already thinking of Collei. It will please you to know that she is doing well, and that she is whom my request concerns.

Collei has always been a scrappy little girl, but it seems her body has finally decided it's safe to start puberty and get bigger.

She knows where children come from and that nobody should touch her in an inappropriate way, and I have also done my best to ensure that she knows that she is the one who sets the boundaries with who gets to touch her at all. Of these matters, I am confident that Collei already has a firm understanding.

However, she does not yet know much about what she can expect from the changes to her own body (such as menstruation, growth in certain areas, or other matters that I am sure I am missing). There are other factors that have caused Collei to have a complicated relationship to her body, as I am sure you are aware of, but I have faith that you can assure her that some of what she's about to go through is perfectly normal, and means only the best for her future.

The only "forewarning" lately is a growth spurt she's been having, but I expect that other milestones could occur any day now.

I will leave you to handle this matter as you see fit. As much as I will always be there for Collei, I am very out of my depth with this one. Your guiding wisdom, for both of us, will be much appreciated. After all, I must be educated on these matters as well.

Your sincerely,

Tighnari

P.S. Make sure to take care of yourself too. You're not skipping breakfasts again for your research, are you?

P.P.S. You and I still haven't spent much time together as soulmates. We should meet at Pardis Dhyai soon for a nice relaxing afternoon tea and chat about our studies. My treat!

P.P.P.S I obviously haven't sent this letter yet, but I fear Collei is starting to have half of a moodswing. Help! Quickly!

P.P.P.S. [a fourth thing, that is scribbled out too thoroughly for even Faruzan to make sense of]

Madam Faruzan dances around her study with glee, clutching the letter from Tighnari to her chest.

She's needed! Collei needs her for something! Faruzan at last has an inroad with her beloved future student; now, one day soon, Collei will be taking notes from her and happily attending her lectures and asking her for how to improve at her schoolwork! Yippee! That boy Tighnari is normally a source of jealousy for her, but today he has given her tremendous happiness. She feels like she could even kiss him!

Tighnari. She's too polite to call him a lucky bastard, but... well, he's a lucky bastard. Arms full of soulmarks of people alive and well (Faruzan has seen the marks!) and some he hasn't even met yet, allegedly; Tighnari with his perfect life as a respected local authority whose academic pursuits are taken quite seriously, without any dispute.

And of course, he is Tighnari who has claim to that little Collei as one of his soulmates, meaning he is bound closely by duty to mentor and parent and -- ugh -- get to be her teacher forever and ever. He won't even share! And Faruzan has not been able to get Collei to break ranks of her own accord! Is there no gift Faruzan has to offer that can excite Collei? Nothing from Akademiya connections to the lessons of her own field and life experience to even sparkly gifts or homemade food... Collei has always been polite to her, of course, but Faruzan can tell that the needle simply hasn't budged.

Oh, it would be so much simpler if she simply had a soulmark of Collei (in which case she and Tighnari would fight on a more-equal footing for authority as her mentor), but Faruzan knows she has none such luck. Her three soulmarks are all of people she left behind her in the past, people who are now, of course, several decades dead: their lines have faded from a sparkly white to a dim color that is very faint on her skin. It's not exactly a secret -- most people would guess that the "scholar from a hundred years ago" has no surviving soulmates -- but it's one reason she covers her arm (with a symmetrical outfit, nonetheless, so it doesn't look like it's specifically a soulmark arm thing).

Yet by some weird irony of fate, she certainly is the soulmate of someone NOW. And it has to be that boy Tighnari! He's protective of his apprentice and is often shooing Madam Faruzan away, but he wants simply to sit down with her, not only as one academic to another, but almost from a caretaker to a friend in need of help! Like she needs to be taken care of! Oooh! She does quite like Tighnari, but it makes her blood boil that, of all things, she's HIS soulmate. Perhaps Collei will grow into some soulmarks, and...

...No. Faruzan does not know Collei's soulmate situation (the letter doesn't mention it; Tighnari respects that girl's privacy anyhow) but if she has soulmarks it's probably a bit complicated. Everyone has the fuzzy sense that Collei has come out of something extraordinarily terrible and strange (exactly WHAT it is is up for speculation; but to Faruzan, the exact nature of it does not matter hardly at all, since it isn't what defines Collei) and everybody knows that that can muddle things up a bit. Oh, and Faruzan can only imagine growing up and coming into soulmarks only for them to be obscured by Eleazar scales to the point of incomprehensibility and near-uselessness for finding soulmates.

Hmm. Maybe she'll have a soul thread instead of soulmarks? That wouldn't be a problem for that girl.

Faruzan squints. It's a little bit frustrating that, when it comes down to this, the only real reason Tighnari can't instruct Collei on this subject himself is, well, ahem, the obvious.

No matter -- Faruzan is still giddy and over the moon to help guide Collei towards adulthood.

Faruzan understands how she has occasionally been "overbearing" (a word that Tighnari very, very gently said to her face, as nothing meaner than polite criticism) and knows she can't mess this up. She is determined as possible to treat these delicate matters in a sensitive way. Getting to share these moments with Collei will have its difficulty, she's sure, but she hopes they'll both come to reflect on these memories wistfully.

She starts by glancing around her office for anything urgent. (It's not an actual office at the Akademiya, since Faruzan doesn't have enough funding or importance by their standards to deserve one, apparently. But she calls her residence her office, because she's a dignified, dedicated scholar, thankyouverymuch.)

Hmm... ah, yes. Faruzan must bring Collei some hygeine supplies. But oh, she could also gift Collei a little shopping trip, because maybe her needs are special and she needs to pick some things out herself... and she's not going to bring Collei any painkillers or medications that Tighnari has not prescribed for Collei, certainly. Faruzan isn't in-the-know on Collei's medical needs... they should find somebody in-the-know about puberty and Eleazar. Maybe a doctor could help advise Collei?

Oh, and she probably can't even treat her to sweets or such to commemorate this. Tighnari is simply too picky about Collei's carefully-balanced diet. Phmeh.

She should also get her some kind of puberty book. It's going to be difficult to find a suitable one, however... it shouldn't talk down to Collei, since she can probably handle grown-up subject matter... but, oh, it will also need to be at a younger person's reading level, since Collei has always struggled with literacy. Poor girl! Well, even if no book can be found that strikes the perfect balance, her dear Madam Faruzan will be the one who can make everything crystal-clear for her...

Faruzan checks the letter again and squints at its date. It got here fast, but... What if she's too late and Collei has started a period, completely unprepared?! Faruzan cannot tarry a moment longer!

Faruzan grabs some of the bare essentials and heads out to the market...

Out in the streets, she runs smack into Cyno. They get their bearings and she stops to apologize, and then decides to make some chatter out of it. (he's got an important position and all, but they ARE on good terms, so there's no harm in it).

"Good afternoon, Madam Faruzan. Where are you in such a hurry? I hope you're being careful with where you take your research these days."

"Oh! General Cyno! I'm just... heading to buy some things before going to see my dear friends in Gandharva Ville! Ha ha!"

"Madam, please do not be mortified if I point something out," Cyno says, in his distant-but-sincere manner. "But it seems some sanitary products have fallen out of your carry-on."

Faruzan lets out a deranged squawk of embarassment.

She stammers, as she starts gathering up her spilled supplies (Cyno averts his eyes instead of interfering with it), "Well! I may be everyone's elder, but... unfortunately, my body has remained rather young! Ha ha! I simply have to act my age, rather than look it!"

Yes, it's true that she still uses some of these products herself... but it's also a cover to keep from betraying the fact that Collei is starting to blossom into womanhood! She needs to respect Collei's privacy! Tighnari is entrusting so much to her; she can't botch any part of it! (Even if Cyno is probably going to figure it out anyways...)

"Madam Faruzan," Cyno says again, in that firm-sounding tone.

"Oh! Cyno! Yes, what is it? Haha!"

"...No need to be so down."

"...Hm?"

"When I look at you lately... it seems you are starting to develop some wrinkles."

What?! Could that be true?!?

Faruzan feels at her own face frantically. It certainly feels youthfully-smooth to her... but, then, she looks at it every day, doesn't she? Cyno probably hasn't seen her in a couple of weeks, so... if he says there's a difference, there probably is! This encounter just went from embarassing to perfectly delightful and happy! Hooray!

"Thank you, Cyno, oh, thank you!!"

Faruzan is in the aisles of a local bookseller when she hears, "Madam Faruzan?"

Ah. That is a very polite, very good-natured boy she knows. But, oh, that's just the trouble! Faruzan mustn't let him know about this! Collei's privacy MUST be respected!

"Oh, Madam Faruzan, it is you! I've been hoping to talk to you for a little while now, and--"

"Dreadfully sorry, my dear boy. I am in quite the hurry to purchase something confidential. I mean you no personal slight, but, do be along now!"

"...Oh. Will there be a... better time for you, anytime soon?"

Unfailingly considerate, that one is. But alas, Faruzan cannot brake for him.

"I will catch you when I return to the City, dearest Kaveh. We can catch up about our projects and your artistic insights then. How does that sound?"

Faruzan still hides half her body behind an endcap to obscure what it is she's holding to her chest. Kaveh, much taller than her, might still see it anyways; however, he seems preoccupied with his own awkwardness now.

"Well, you see, it's actually about..."

Faruzan realizes there's one encounter left that may be slightly embarassing, and that's with the Scribe when she takes her leave.

Tsk. Nothing else about this will be difficult, since she doesn't have any lectures or similar booked in the coming couple of days (due to her unfortunate lack of academic popularity). Nor are there any urgent collaborations involving her...

It seems few will notice if she's gone. The thought has a familiar horror for her if she stops to think about it.

...Well, that's why the best remedy for Faruzan is to try her hardest not to stop.

She fills out a form for her leave, heads up to the Scribe's desk (in a rare moment of the Scribe's desk not being busy) and clears her throat.

Alhaitham takes only a second to notice her. He's a bold, strong man full of vitality, but seems to only want to make himself busy reading more and more books, as much as it doesn't intervene with his dayjob.

He carefully leaves a placefinder in the textbook he was drinking deeply from, and turns his attention to Faruzan. "Good day, Madam Faruzan. What brings you here today?"

"Yes. I am submitting a leave for two days. while I attend to a personal matter."

"Very well. It seems you have filled out the correct paperwork here and there are no conflicts. Was there anything else you needed?"

"That's it? You're-- not asking for justification, or--"

"None is necessary. You have a diligent pattern when it comes to meeting your obligations, and you haven't exactly been greedy when it comes to taking time off. At any rate, you have already said it is a personal matter, so I am hardly at liberty to press you for details."

That's it? This is that easy?

Well then. Faruzan is almost disappointed.

She makes sure one more timethat everything in her bag is sorted, and leaves for Gandharva Ville.

Kaveh stabs at his dinner in front of Alhaitham that night.

They barbecued some steaks. It's good. Yes, they have similar tastes in food. And drinks of all kinds, be they caffeinated or alcoholic. And ohhh, it's frustrating having this much in common with his beloved hated frenemy roommate soulmate Alhaitham, but it can't be helped! Their shared taste can at least make their lives more straightforward, if nothing else.

"Say, Alhaitham," Kaveh says, still stabbing at his steak. (He's been unable to call Alhaitham any of the kinds of things Tighnari calls the others in their little soulmate group; no good-natured "Buddy" or "Man" is going to escape Kaveh's lips. At least, not for Alhaitham. Never for Alhaitham.) "You haven't seen Madam Faruzan around, have you?"

"As a matter of fact, I saw her just today. She's put in for leave, though, so you probably won't see her around until later in the week."

Kaveh groans. Why can't he ever catch up to the people he wants to talk to the most?! It's going to be a stressful week anyways of trying to balance his contractors and catch up with clients and snag his suppliers before the best lumber and stone gets bought out... can't he at least corner Faruzan about this one person-to-person thing? He just wants to have his personal relationships in balance, even if everything else spirals out of control before too much longer...

"Why do you ask?" Alhaitham asks.

His tone sounds slightly bothered, but actually, Kaveh recognizes this as a surprise moment of niceness from Alhaitham. Alhaitham, showing something of a genuine curiosity in something that's more or less one man to another, and not related to knowledge of the broader world...? Alhaitham isn't as impersonal as he sometimes appears to be...

Kaveh scratches the back of his neck awkwardly.

"I just... well, I've got a mark of her, and wanted to show her in person. That's all."

Chapter Text

Collei leads the way to Sumeru City. Fischl follows unquestioningly.

They're in no hurry. Master's orders. Collei is tired of having to "take it easy" but she really does know that he's right. And, she's getting the hunch at this point that Fischl might be in cahoots with him a little bit about it now too. How is Collei going to get away with overworking herself now!? She's doomed!

"Since I finally got you figured you out," Collei says half-accusatorily, at the girl who just wants to help her (Fischl gives Collei only a smirk in reply), "I have some things after all that you CAN help me with."

Fischl crosses her arms. "Wilt thine needs even be sufficient? Thine Prinzessin has the long-restless urges to travel beyond edge of earth and back for the needs of a not-yet-met soulmate, after all, and now that I hath finally joined with my fated best friend, I doth feel compelled towards a purpose greater than..."

"My lady," Oz says, from where he is perched on her shoulder. "Thine words would be better understood if paraphrased in common-speak..."

"That's one of the things though," Collei says hurriedly. "If I ever want to learn, you can’t dumb it down for me. So, as hard as it will be for me... don't change how you speak. Just be yourself."

Fischl blinks, seeming wordless for once. She... wait, is Fischl blushing?! Just because Collei told her to be herself?

"What, raven got your tongue?" Collei says wryly.

"But I—!"

"...Fischl?"

"What Mein Fraulein means to say," Oz says smoothly, "Is that she has found herself 'breaking character' more frequently since knowing you, entirely on accident, and frequently without awareness that she is doing so. There is perhaps something about you that brings out this side of her."

"Oz!!"

Collei frowns. That's a weird thing for her to do to somebody. "Is that true?"

"Fret not, little ranger. Mein Fraulein quite benefits from such a thing. Think of it as something... therapeutic for her, in the same way it was soothing when she first adopted the identity of 'Fischl.'"

"OZ! You are spilling way too much way too fast!"

"...My apologies."

Collei looks up at Fischl who has clenched fists and a flustered expression on her face. Collei giggles. Fischl blinks and takes notice of Collei again, but the redness in her cheeks is still there.

"It's okay to be embarrassed sometimes," Collei says.

"I— Collei!" Fischl squeaks. Her previous anger has faded completely, and now she's just trying to hide her face completely.

Well, this is awkward. Still. The good kind of clumsy awkward, though, at least. Collei likes that she's not the only one who completely stumbles over everything. And maybe she DOES have ways to disarm Fischl after all.

Oh, but they haven't gotten to the really sensitive topics yet, actually...

Collei decides they're getting this one out of the way now. She's going to ask Fischl to be the person who does this for her, because Fischl's clearly gotten to the other side of it, and she's easily the closest qualified person to Collei now. They've even already talked about some of it a little already just naturally. Fischl is strangely very, very trustworthy on this one, Collei can tell.

"Fischl, I'd like you to help me with all the puberty talk stuff."

All Fischl does is snap her fingers once. "Excellent. Right now?"

Well then. And Collei had been WORRIED about that one! But now she’s nervous for a different reason, because she isn’t ready!

"U-um. Maybe not right now..."

Fischl still nods, very unfazed. Collei is impressed. How is she so not-bashful about THAT topic? Collei's body is going to be changing. What is it even like TO change? Collei's been stuck in the body of a kid (apparently) for so long. The idea that she's finally healthy and relaxed and well-fed enough to grow up is very, very alien...

Fischl crosses her arms. "Well, I’m not going to wait too long. I’m telling you certain things before they catch you off-guard. Okay?”

Wow. Not only does Collei get Fischl breaking character, but... that was a very warm and considerate character-break from her. It assured Collei that Fischl is so confident about all of this, even if Fischl's confidence about the subject is a strange thing. Collei nods at Fischl.

"Okay." Collei takes a deep breath. Puberty talk turned out to not be such a huge thing to ask from Fischl, then. That's reassuring...

So it's just time to ask the last thing from her.

The thing that actually really does scare her a bit.

She's scared to even ask.

Scared about where this would even begin.

"I also... I want help on my phobia. Umm. Your help. On it. On my fear of touch."

Fischl looks at Collei with a weird mix of surprise and humility at that.

“What?” she says, glancing about. “But… how can that be done?”

"E-e-exposure therapy is the term Master Tighnari has said before, I think. I don't know the best way to do it, but if you're the person who's going to be by my side the most, then it makes sense to, uh, put you in charge. You deserve to be able to hug me and stuff, and I know it's disappointing that I just can't... do that for you yet."

"Little ranger," Oz says, softly. "There is no rush. Mein Fraulein would not want you to mask discomfort, just to share touch with her."

"Yes, but..." Collei digs her foot into the ground a bit. "I... I want it for my own sake too! People don’t realize this, but… I actually kind of want to be snuggled and stuff, deep down inside. But my haphephobia doesn't let me have any of it. I’m being torn in half by both ends of something really mean and terrible and I just hate it, Fischl! I need help getting out of there!”

The confession makes Fischl put a finger and thumb over her chin pensively.

She steps away from Collei for a minute, beginning to stroke her chin in that somber, plotting way of hers.

Collei feels nervousness building in her heart as Fischl looks out at her. Does she not want to grant her request? Is she going to have some really bizarre solution that she won't be comfortable with? Or, worse, was it just too weird overall? Wouldn’t it just be easier if Collei didn’t have this problem?

"How about this." Her tone sounds like she's trying to cut a hard deal with a parent for more allowance money. "One. Finger."

"Uhmm... one finger, what?”

"You do the first one. You touch me first. It's easy. Just one fingertip."

Fischl holds out her hand and extends just her index finger. Collei blinks. Has nobody around her ever really thought to whittle down the source of her phobia to its smallest possible form before? Archons' sake, the girl has already willingly touched Fischl a decent amount. She's just now freezing up! What's up with that?!

Collei still stares at Fischl, like this is making the impossible task too trivial to be any kind of meaningful progress. It's like saying that stacking pebbles will eventually lead to a fantastical wall. But Fischl still seems very clever for thinking of it…

"Stay put," Fischl says firmly, but with a sad note to it. "It's only me. You trust me. I do not hurt you. Be brave and stay put."

Collei knows that, but yikes. Fischl shouldn't even fully understand yet how much Collei hates being poked and prodded... eurgh...

Fischl's finger gets closer. Oh gosh oh yikes.

Collei can't help it. She leans away completely. All the way out of Fischl's reach. Shameful.

Fischl looks at Collei with a lowered eyelid of half-exasperation. "Is today a bad day for this?"

"What? No, no, um... I need it sooner rather than later, and..."

"And?"

"There isn't going to be a good day for it. Ever."

Fischl waits until Collei is the one to close the gap. Fingertip to fingertip.

It inspires no terror in Collei's heart. She barely feels it. It's easy.

"Now thou hath made the first move," Fischl says. "And thou knowest that that is all it is. Now one must only become used to it.”

Become used to... it?

"Eep!"

Fischl just touched Collei without warning! She poked her in the shoulder! It wasn't horrible, but it still scared Collei!

"It will not exceed a single finger, the one that YOU touched, until you give me some say-so otherwise. I promise."

Collei believes it, she believes it, she believes it, but... now she's on-guard. Oh gosh, she can't relax around Fischl now; she has to always be waiting for the next poke. This will not be good.

"Don't get cowardly on me now, Collei."

"I'm not a — ahh!"

A poke to her collarbone!

Collei staggers backwards and raises her hands defensively.

"This will continue," Fischl says threateningly, as she advances on Collei again, "until it is no longer fearsome. Thou SHALL acclimate to touch, but only a little bit at a time, rather than by thine so-far sporadic, exhausting attempts to force too much progress all at once. This sounds doable, no?"

Fischl read her like an easy-to-read book! What's up with that?! That isn’t something Tighnari would have slipped to her. Tighnari wouldn’t have told Fischl that Collei pushes the touch thing too far and then regrets it; no, that’s an insight that Fischl must have picked it up from just things like Collei asking to be carried when they first reconciled (and the subsequent aftershocks).

Eep! Another poke! Not again! Collei can't get away!

"Um— ack! Fischl!"

"Yes?"

It's sporadic, and infrequent enough that Collei doesn't feel like she's being tortured completely. If Fischl was poking her as rapidly as possible (or too firmly!), it would be a different story, because it would give her sensations similar to some of what Collei endured.

But weirdly, except for Collei’s instincts kicking in to tell her to get away from any kind of touch… it’s kind of okay? It’s minimally-invasive. It's light and playful. It’s not grabby or jabbing. Maybe the only reason she can endure this is that the form of it is just so alien and weird (and veeeery far away from the ways that The Doctor touched her) that she doesn’t really know what to think. She feels like she’s been missing this somehow.

...It's a little bit like how Master Tighnari handles her, but, then, there's something about Fischl that's just, well, "Fischl" somehow. More like this is who she is naturally, rather than a different side that tends to show itself around Collei. Oh brother...

"I'm... really going to have to get used to this.”

"That is the entire idea, little ranger."

Collei lets out a groan and covers her face with her hands again. Fischl doesn't ever stop with the nicknames!

And then, Collei sees Fischl looking at her in a sneaky way and in close to Collei’s face...

Collei's heartbeat seems to paralyze.

It's only Fischl... It's only Fischl...

She repeats it like a mantra. As though it will solve this. As though the rational thought makes the dread go away.

"Make friends with the fear of it while you still can," Fischl says, in her lilting storybook voice. "It will not always be there for you."

What was that?! What does that even MEAN?!? Is Fischl just way smarter than her or something?!?

Tap.

Collei was pondering Fischl's strange words when the fingertip lands on her cheek and then pokes inwards just a little.

Ah...

It’s close to her. So close. It feels very weird and different to have anybody touch her face for any reason. Nobody ever needs to touch Collei’s face!

Experiment. It's technically an experiment. But... it's Fischl in place of her tormenter, so this can maybe be fun instead of scary, right? It's like her worst flashbacks except instead of him there, it's Collei's soulmate whom she should be able to trust.

A few more harmless pokes: across her cheek, onto her temple, up to her forehead.

Agony! Collei's heartrate quickens. She squirms under Fischl's scrutiny. Eurgh this is super uncomfortable and she wants to go back to just hanging out.

Fischl looks unconcerned, even apathetic, except for that little bit of amusement lingering in the ghost of a smile.

"There. Was that bearable, mine soulmate?"

It was terrifying and terrible and bad. Collei wants to throw up!

But Fischl didn't ask if Collei liked it. She asked if it was bearable.

"Yes," Collei says. She's had worse. "I could handle it."

"Then, thou wouldst not request for… an end, to this poking?”

Oh.

Oh gosh.

...Collei definitely, absolutely sees where Fischl is going with this. And the idea makes her deeply unhappy.

...But, logically, it's just one finger.

All Collei's life she's been disappointed by the lack of "miracle solutions," so, maybe she shouldn't expect one here. Still, it's maybe some solution. Even if it will take awhile.

Slowly, Collei nods.

Fischl looks relieved. Like she's happy to know her idea was a good one.

"When are you going to start doing it?" Collei asks. "Like, officially going to start?"

"Why, soulmate," Fischl says, sounding confused. "Thou doth not understand. This… has already started. From here on, thou hath no warning.”

Collei's thrumming heart is not reassured.

Chapter Text

They walk for awhile in absence of conversation, save for Collei's sporadic weird little noises from being startled by the (still pretty scary) pokes that Fischl will now not stop delivering. It's unpleasant, but at least it's from somebody she likes and who is doing this to help her, and therefore she can reason herself into enduring it. Why shouldn't she? It's only rational...

Eep! That was a fingertip down into her side a bit. And it made her squeal! That was different! Very, very different! "Fischl!"

Fischl hides part of her face with her hand and lets out that demure little chuckle, the one that has Collei jealous of how mannered and dignified Fischl can be. She definitely is having fun at Collei's expense. Or is it having fun for Collei's benefit? Either way, Fischl has a strong interest in messing with her and almost even making fun of her... but only ever in a harmless way. Collei can see that.

Collei crosses her arms and pouts, not willing to admit she's having fun too. Is this what growing up around a friend or sibling is like?

Fischl lands a poke into Collei's shoulderblade.

Collei goes rigidly upright.

At that one, Fischl cuts her a break and takes a big step away, although she still looks at Collei with a head tilt and dignified smile.

She needs to be careful with her antics. If anything backfired, she'd only lose progress and it would all be a setback for the progress. Fischl has to do everything safely. Everything.

...Well, she can still push Collei a little. IF she's careful about it.

Collei looks up at Fischl and Fischl can see the panic and pleading in her startled expression.

But Collei doesn't seem angry with her... the poking will definitely annoy Collei, but eventually it will become insignificant. At which point, they can talk about if Collei is ready for more touch.

Collei firms up into a glare. It’s hardboiled, but she steals a glance to the side, refusing to aim that look at Fischl herself.

"One condition, Fischl," Collei growls warily.

"...I'm listening." Fischl uses her hand to partly hide her smile.

"Never ever ever ever touch my back. Ever.” Collei clenches her little hands. "When I'm touched there... I feel the urge to kill something."

Oh. Her shoulderblades must have been outside of comfort territory. Fischl can easily see why it’d be unbearable for Collei, for a few reasons: she can’t see it coming, the sensation itself might feel gross to her, and… oh, there’s something in her past with it, right? What was it Collei went through again? It was something like torture, wasn’t it?

Well, alright. This is already a monumental agreement to ask of Collei. Fischl can easily cede territory.

Besides, Collei doesn't seem to mind very much her face being touched, and that's a major upside. Collei is going to receive a lot of pokes to the cheek in the near future. And her nose, too.

"I will not poke thine back, unless thou ever sayeth otherwise, or unless we have found ourselves in a perilous situation that demands it."

Collei narrows her eyes. "You promise?"

Fischl smiles serenely. "Thou hast my divine word, soulmate."

Ohhhhhhhhhh gosh...

(Fischl is good though. Very, very good.)

Still, Fischl is giggling, and Collei finds that it makes her very, very nervous. Because sure, it's not going to be more than ONE finger until Collei gives the say-so, but it's still going to be a lot of unpredictable pokes of increasing frequency (as much as Fischl can possibly bother her with just one finger). And then eventually, after the miracle of getting used to it, it's going to be two fingers, and then three, and then one day ten, and... end goal: a full hug. Gulp. Yikes! All this is a sneaky bait-and-switch!

...But, well, that’s what Collei herself wants, more than anything. She’s starved for a hug from someone like Fischl.

The dark expression on Collei's face vanishes. She just immediately looks happy again. "Thank you, Fischl. You're a really nice friend."

Aaggh! There it is again! Collei being so nice to her! How does that scrawny girl understand the exact thing that Fischl likes hearing almost too much?! She traveled so long just so she could one day meet Collei, and now that she knows her, it all feels so worth it! Agggh!

Fischl leans over and pokes Collei in the side of the head. "You're. Welcome."

Fischl eventually slows her pace.

She starts to look more tentative, bringing a finger up to her own face as though she's deliberating the next move for herself. Collei looks up at her, more curious than nervous, when she decides to glance away and let Fischl think, and maybe even also show Fischl that she's willing to lower her guard in putting up with this.

And then, in the moment that Collei is not entirely expecting it...

Eek! Yikes!

That was a fingertip far down into Collei's side. Collei audibly let out a squeak (a desperate, startled, breathless sound) from it and leapt to one side: in a way that Fischl couldn't possibly have missed, but hopefully won't ascribe any significance to. (If Collei is lucky.)

It was way too gentle to feel like anything that was done to Collei in the before days. But it felt like Fischl was very, very carefully reaching right inside of Collei and poking one of her organs a teensy tiny bit. Harmless but so sensitive. Collei has half a thought about being held still and analytically poked and prodded by a curious Fischl... but Collei probably should stop thinking about stuff like that before she gets too flustered. (Her imagination needs to shut up sometimes.)

The "therapy" may be more complicated than Collei had anticipated. Collei has secrets. Innocent secrets, but embarrassing ones.

Collei would like to keep everything to herself. She’s not sure what would happen if Fischl knew: probably nothing bad. Even so, her instinct is to stay totally guarded and not let any weakness slip, even to her trusted soulmate who wants to always protect her. Of course it’s a doomed task (Collei already knows that Fischl is freakishly observant and smart) but Collei will try to stave it off for a little while longer. All she has to do is stiffen up and keep her reactions to a minimum.

She’ll fight this for as long as she can. Fischl can’t possibly find out!

Collei decides to go ahead and ask. She needs to talk to Fischl about one subject. She's been thinking about it occasionally ever since their misunderstanding and reconciliation.

"So this isn't related to anything," Collei prefaces, "but I have a really weird, kind of uncomfortable question."

She gets an in-unison reply of "Oh?" from Fischl and Oz.

Collei blushes and glances away. How does she ask it? Why does she even want to know about this?

But she can't stop thinking about it since the concept was put in her head.

"It doesn't have anything to do with us, since we really only had a misunderstanding, and it obviously wasn’t the case for either of us at all. But, are there really people who... don't want to meet their soulmates?"

It's quiet for a little while, until Fischl says, "Yes."

Collei feels a sad, frantic, and even somewhat disgusted emotion. "Why?!"

"To each their own, it is said," says Oz. "That saying more or less encompasses it."

"One can rise to meet their intended destiny," Fischl says, leaning close to Collei until she looms over her, simply to land a soft, meaningful poke to her forehead. "Those may rightfully claim what gift fate has ordained to them. Others, however, see this entire system as a removal of freedom."

"It is not talked about publicly, but conversations happen behind closed doors, and in the anonymous texts of essay compilations," says Oz. "Some are offput by the idea of having their best friends chosen for them. Others meet a soulmate only to find a supposedly irreconcilable gulf between them."

Collei thinks about it. She can't imagine that. She loves that Fischl was compelled to come here, because even though she's barely known Fischl a week, she already can't imagine life without her. She wonders if there's something going on there beneath the surface, or if soulmates are just people who get along really, really well.

...Well, the problem is, Collei can imagine it. She was confused and even upset when Fischl first showed up. But she wouldn’t have thought about rejecting her! Not really! In fact, she was devastated when Fischl tried to leave. She’s so glad Fischl stayed around after all!

"Have you known anyone who didn't like it, Fischl?"

"Nobody our little ranger would know, and nobody whose heart we have the right to spill," Oz continues. "At any rate, we have never understood it, but it also does not trouble us quite so much as the states of our two male companions, or others made unhappy by lack of soulmates."

Hmm.

"What's up with that, then?" Collei asks. "Do you think Benny might suddenly get a soul thread like I did? I barely knew anything about soulmates and then my thread comes out of nowhere..."

Fischl and Oz exchange a look. Oz speaks next.

"Such occurrence is considered rare, I believe. Unless one's soulmate has literally not been born yet."

Oh.

Collei looks down at her own hand; at the bright, visible thread, on her fingertip now, bridging the very short distance between herself and Fischl.

It's weird that this all already feels so natural, even though Fischl is capable of being cringey. Collei feels like if there was a big gap put between herself and Fischl, she'd suddenly be very miserable, and it feels like it's for more of a reason than just "Fischl is a good friend." It’s like there’s something physiological that sticks them together.

It makes a lot of sense, actually, that maybe Tighnari sent them together on purpose, like he was just assuming that of course they wouldn't want to split up for any reason. Tighnari admitted to not knowing much about thread soulmates, but he seems to have understood something implicitly. Are there unwritten rules that other people “get” even if they haven’t experienced it for themselves? Collei gets the weird sense that it might even be physically painful to break apart now that they've met. How will she deal with this in the future? What if Fischl wanted to go back to Monstadt but Collei had to stay in Sumeru? For some people, is meeting a thread soulmate a huge mistake that they can’t go back from, if they ever want separate lives again?

Well, with that pain in mind, she can maybe understand the downsides of this. For her, though, she's so protective of Fischl, and relieved by the uncanny feeling of calm she's gotten the past few days (shenanigans aside), that she can't imagine wishing her thread away, or even trading her thread for the world. Fischl’s presence, in addition to the material benefits and newfound friend group, has made Collei feel stronger and safer even when Fischl hasn’t been doing anything in particular, and Collei even feels like her very thoughts are clearer.

She’s even started to understand that there is a keen difference between herself and Fischl, and Razor and Bennett. The boys are basically soulmates (when Collei thinks about it), but they obviously aren’t experiencing the same things that Collei and Fischl get to. And Collei likes these experiences! She likes that just having Fischl around makes her feel at ease, deep down inside, like she no longer has to question her future or her place in the world so badly.

Now that Collei knows that life can be like this, she would never wish that she didn’t have a soulmate. No way!

Collei and Fischl find themselves fighting side-by-side for the first time.

It's a small band of the Treasure Hoarders, who don't catch that the girls they're trying to mug are both Vision-wielders.

Collei acts swiftly and with strong reflexes, immediately bathing the area in the Dendro energy from her plushie, as she beats a careful retreat and dispatches arrows as cover fire.

The elemental power is enough to bewilder them when Fischl then also steps in, with a sinister look in her eye and a powerful lightning bolt crackling around her bow, and Oz swooping in to the heart of the energy field that was laid down by Collei.

The fight is frantic, unrehearsed, and quick-moving. Collei has, not once, done so much as train alongside Fischl. She is figuring out on the fly where to stand, where to insert her attacks, and how to step behind Fischl's body for a blow that Fischl is much better prepared to handle than she is.

Suddenly, a single moment of terror. Collei has stepped close somewhere she should not, close to a Treasure Hoarder who was camouflaged in shadow: one who now reaches close to Collei's arm, which she knows will be more than enough to incapacitate her ability to aim. The touch itself (from a male hand, a large one, with what Collei would guess to be the firmest of grips) could even be enough to disable her entirely.

But in the split-second before the terror of the bad touch, an arrow cracks with lightning, threateningly close to Collei herself -- but catching the man's hand instead, slashing an artery open and striping his hand with blood.

"You will not touch her," Fischl growls, in a tone so low and venomous that Collei nearly misses it. (I didn't know Fischl was capable of sounding like that.)

The man swears, recoiling in pain -- and in the mere moments it takes Fischl to press in and occupy his attention, Collei is able to collect herself, hide in Fischl's tall shadow, and provide the elemental reactions that Fischl needs her to provide.

At last, the men disperse, taking the unexpected loss. The defeat at the hands of two teenage girls.

Neither aims to kill, and no life is taken... but those particular highway robbers will not again bother the two of them.

Collei steals a look of admiration at Fischl as they stroll comfortably into Sumeru City.

That was easy! Who knew they'd fight so naturally together?!

Collei laughs as Fischl flashes her a grin and jabs her in the forehead.

Chapter Text

In Sumeru City, Collei and Fischl behold the street vendors and the vine-framed pathways and rising slopes of the city around the great tree that it was built on.

Collei feels great! She's excited today and wearing her favorite outfit (Amber's hand-me-downs, now neatly repaired in glittery thread by Collei herself, alongside some plain arm covers so she doesn't worry too much about being stared at). If she was alone she'd probably feel nervous around the crowds and strangers, but she has Fischl here, so it's no big deal.

They go book their room at the inn first thing, which is where Fischl turns to Collei and asks, "how does room sizing run in this country?"

Collei hasn't ever stayed in an inn. "Uhhh... I don't know. We're just two people, so... small?"

Easy. That settles that.

Collei is mindful of the fact that Fischl is carrying a sinister parcel on her: discrete, but holding a sample of that strange thread that Master Tighnari had gathered off of the statue. Something Collei knows means something bad. They're here on serious business, and it's hard to totally brush off the bad vibes, even if they have Master's blessing to have fun anyways on this trip. That, and Collei is nervous about meeting Layla, even though she doesn't have any reason to be.

Fischl lingers with Collei whenever Collei shies away from any cluster of people. And whenever Collei finally makes a move, Fischl tags close behind, casting a shadow that Collei finds safety in.

Heavy incense, sparkly displays of merchandise, and wistful flute music marks the entrance down into the Bazaar.

Of course, the two girls themselves draw some attention down there. Frankly, however, it's mostly because of...

"Look at the raven!"

"How did you tame it?!"

"We don't see that kind of bird around here!"

It's all because of Oz. Fischl, however, eats up the attention as though it was for her. Collei hides to the side a bit (she hugs the wall so she can't get startled) but she still beams at the young kids admiring her soulmate.

"Hey! Collei is here!"

Collei looks down to see a very young girl who looks somewhat familiar...

"You helped save me when my family was lost! You live in the forest!"

"You're right! It is her! It's Collei!"

"Yeah!"

"Local celebrity, much?" Fischl asks, after Collei is done showing off Cuilein-Anbar, answering questions about what she's been doing, if the raven girl is her soulmate (there's a father present who lightly chastises the boy who asks it, but Collei is happy to answer yes), and where she's off to next. It's a small crowd of kids, and they get in pretty close around her, but Collei fears no child, and she's happy to be close to them.

"Word gets around," Collei says softly. "If somebody saves you when it's most important, you can't really forget it. I know I haven't."

"...Like thine Master helped you?"

Collei glances away. "Well... he's not the person who got to me first."

"I see. Thou art being elusive again, art thou not?"

Collei is about to answer, when Fischl says, smiling, "come" followed by "keep thine secrets" as they head further into the Bazaar.

"Collei, who's that?"

"Oh! That's just Nilou. She's with the local theatre, and she's definitely their star... everyone loves watching her dance. I've never seen an entire show in-person, but she sometimes practices in public, in places that don't mind her drawing the crowd..."

Collei stops with Fischl, just to watch Nilou's public rehearsal, as she moves gracefully and smoothly across a small stage. Collei would love the ability to do something, anything like that, if her movements were a bit more unencumbered... at any rate, it makes her very happy to watch Nilou right now. She doesn't sing or use her voice or anything, but the way she smiles as she moves, or looks at her audience through half-lidded eyes, or twirls in such perfect arcs, makes Collei know that undoubtedly she is having the time of her life even just making a few people happy.

Until a few months ago, Collei didn't know much about soulmates in any regard, and she certainly didn't care if people mentioned theirs. Now, though? She speculates about everyone she knows! She makes sure they're out of Nilou's earshot when she says it, but she asks Fischl, "I wonder what her soulmates is like?"

Fischl half-shrugs. "She could have more than one."

Maybe. She could be somebody with some kind of soulmate friend group, like Tighnari or Cyno! That would make a lot of sense for somebody as confident and upbeat as Nilou. Collei doesn't think she's met anybody in Sumeru who matches Nilou in terms of being, well, just straight-up happy.

Well, Nilou could have a thread soulmate. That could work for her too. But first off, wouldn't it be more obvious somehow? And, secondly, would it be the same kind of happy? Nilou seems just so totally untethered. It shows in every movement and facial expression she has...

They don't really settle it, and it's rude to ask, isn't it?

So Collei just speculates, as she and Fischl gab together over which souvenirs to buy: Collei has been enough times that she doesn't really feel the "I need to buy that now!" pull, since these vendors are so familiar, but it's DIFFERENT now that she's with Fischl. And she'll definitely accept Fischl's gift to her of a sun-colored friendship locket shaped like a heart, that can interlock perfectly with its night-colored twin.

"See, since they fit together, AND they open up, that means we just need to get a meaningful picture, and then cut it carefully..."

"But then the picture would be cut in two," Collei argues. "Like if it was our favorite picture of all four of us, and then one half happened to have the boys and then the other had you and I or something-- or even worse! What if it cut one of us in half?!"

"Then make it just a photo of you and I. Or, something else entirely? There is no reason to restrain ourselves to the expected medium of photography..."

They chat and bicker (friendly!) all the way up to the Akademiya reception area. They're on schedule, and Layla is expecting them shortly.

"Thank you, Mr. Alhaitham," Collei says to the Scribe, who notes right away that Collei and Fischl are expected in Layla's study shortly. Collei feels like she should know him somehow or there's a link in there somewhere, but she can't figure out what.

"I understand that you're discussing a sensitive matter with her," the Scribe says, checking over the minimal paperwork that Fischl did for the two of them.

"Will that be an issue?" Collei asks.

"...You were sent by Tighnari, and he's careful with who he trusts, even with dangerous business. So no, there is no issue." He squares the loose papers into a neat stack. "If Layla produces any findings that she would like the Matra to know about, however, feel free to let me know. I have full clearance for all sensitive materials passing through the Akademiya, and the fastest way to get something to Cyno will be through me."

Collei nods. Alhaitham seems very organized and trustworthy. She approves!

They find that Layla's study is a chaotic, sparkling wonderworld of a library.

Nothing is just for decoration. Everything is an instrument of astrology or math or science or space, Collei can guess. It's just... well, she has no idea what any of it IS, except for the books (because there are definitely books; lots and lots and lots of books) and some weirdly-good furniture (multiple squishy armchairs, a U-shaped desk, a swing chair that Layla sits on now, and a looks-like-it's-for-visitors loveseat that Collei and Fischl share currently).

Layla herself is a woman about Tighnari's age, but with elf-like ears and drapey loose clothes and a very comfortable-looking lifestyle. She has lounge furniture and tea sets even here in the place where she does her work. And she's really happy to see the guests, even though... well, Layla seems like she's about to fall asleep any second now! What's going on?

"I'm a scholar and astrologist who specializes in soulmates, the stars, and how everything is linked together... from the constellations in some people's soulmarks correlating to the skies above us... to the thread that others are very lucky to have."

Collei steals a glance over her shoulder. Fischl is hugging the delivery package to her chest, and turns away as though absentminded, but she returns Collei's eye contact and smiles at her comfortingly.

"Correct me if I'm wrong... but you two are close soulmates, aren't you?"

"What? Oh, yes! She followed her thread to find me and we just met and she's already the greatest soulmate ever! I... uh... I mean... not that anybody else's soulmate is bad or anything! Haha!"

"That's wonderful for both of you... Thread soulmates are of special interest to me, even though I'm not one myself... I'm a little jealous, really."

Layla moves with a gait from one spot to another, not to mention the fact that she does so with bleary eyes and the occasional stifled yawn. Is it a bad time? She's tired, and she has to use some fancy-looking crutches to get around... or does she? Collei thinks she's also seen her going without them for a second or two as she adjusts a book or looks at one of her calendars. In fact, Layla is bringing to mind some thought patterns that Collei isn't overly fond of herself...

"Should you maybe be resting instead of doing all this?" Collei blurts out.

She can't help but ask; she really can't! Layla reminds Collei of herself but worse: More tired, more overworked, and doing even less about it. Collei has to monitor her own condition so carefully, and here's Layla already needing crutches but looking like she spends all her time up here in her study in the Akademiya.

"Hm? Oh. Ah. I think... you don't know about me, do you? I catch up on my sleep occasionally... don't worry about it."

"But what about your physical health?! You're already using crutches!"

Fischl had been on standby. But now she turns to Collei with a startled hand over her mouth. Oz, on her shoulder, tilts his head in concern.

Collei covers her own mouth. She can't believe she just said that! Oh Archons that was a really bad thing to say to a stranger!

"I can tell you're already worried about me," Layla says. "But people who don't know that much about it... and that I'm really coping fine... tend to wear me out a lot. I don't want you to feel bad, though... your heart's in the right place."

"Umm. Wow, I'm... uh... real sorry. Haha."

"Please, don't be... and you don't have to worry, either. I'm happy with my crutches... and I'm happier since I've accepted my disability, too. It doesn't get any better or anything, but my own safety isn't at risk from it. I have a lot to be grateful for."

Fischl's head moves and she's turned away from both of them now. Collei wonders why.

"I... I'm really sorry. I have Eleazar and have to worry about it getting worse. I kind of assumed your situation was similar, but it sounds like it's not."

"Oh... Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Your reaction makes a lot of sense now... You really have to live a certain way on Eleazar, so of course that's just how you view how others should live too." Layla wipes at one eye bag as she gives Collei a slurred-looking smile. "It sounds like good advice regardless of disability, actually."

"Um... your condition... you say you're alright with it?"

"It doesn't bother me very much... But sometimes others think I'm weak, or that it's sad that I need crutches. And sometimes, there's things I can't even get to, even if I was invited especially... Thank goodness for elevators... and the Scribe. He's been... very firm with others, on my behalf."

Layla's words sound familiar to Collei. Layla is someone like her! Collei wouldn't have gotten as far as she has, if it wasn't for people like Cyno and Tighnari making sure she gets taken care of."

"There's also... this master architect, named Ka... Ka- something." Layla blinks and shakes her head, grumbling under her breath. The one thing that frustrates her seems to be that she's forgotten a name. "He audited the building to make sure people like me can get around... he had to work with the Scribe, and it kept seeming like they knew each other from somewhere else, but the architect was acting like they had nothing to do with each other... It was really weird. I had no idea what was going on."

Collei giggles. She doesn't know either of the people Layla is talking about (except for the Scribe for all of two minutes, she guesses), but it's funny anyways.

"I really like what you've done with your crutches," Fischl says, as she admires Layla's one crutch that isn't in use at the moment; Fischl's attention is focused on the shiny object like that of a magpie. "They really stand out."

Collei looks over. It's something of a topic shift. But Layla is obviously willing to talk about it, if she's this shameless about taking a brute necessity (something considered shameful, even) and then throwing starry lace and jewelry chains and pearly beads onto them, until there's no way for the crutches NOT to stand out.

It still surprises Collei. Wouldn't it be easier to just keep the crutches out of sight? The answer is yes. But obviously, "easier" isn't the point of it at all...

"Thank you. It really makes my day when people compliment them. I feel like I'm not just doing something crazy."

"And if thou wert performing an action others derided as 'crazy', what, then, would be the drawback?"

Layla frowns. "Um..."

"Er, what Fischl means to say is, uh, just because something is unusual, doesn't mean its bad. It looks really eccentric to me too, but, well, in a good way! If I saw something like that in public, it probably would make me feel better about my own needs. ...If I needed something similar."

"Thou didst steal a translation out of my very beak, little Collei."

"Your needs? Well, if you can forgive me for getting presumptuous... if you ever start to need crutches... make sure you don't put off getting them. That's true about Eleazar, right? You don't want to strain it?"

It probably is. Collei nods.

Shoot, Collei hates the idea of being mobility-limited at all. She resists thinking about it.

But here's Layla here, confident and unbothered. Or at least, she IS bothered, clearly about many things: calendars with deadlines and all those messy book stacks and those scratchy-looking notes to herself in different places; she looks like a successful Akademic, but Collei is wondering if this is too many projects for one person.

But, and this is what gets her... Layla's body doesn't bother her. Her crutches are the most beautiful object in the entire room. The lounge furniture suddenly makes an eerie amount of sense.

Layla stresses, but not about physical capabilities? Collei can't imagine that!

"Collei, I can guess that the arm covers you wear are because of Eleazar... Have you ever thought about decorating them or getting really fancy ones?"

Collei mulls it over. It isn't a bad thought. Not by a long shot.

But there's one major problem.

"Master Tighnari says... he wants me to do the opposite." Collei sways in place and clenches her arms. Even now, she doesn't want too much vulnerability to slip. Not even when she's in the company of someone who would understand. "My treatment would benefit from my arms breathing more, whenever I don't need bandages on them. But the thing is... I don't have the courage. I don't go bare-armed in public."

Layla doesn't push. She just nods sagely.

She gets it. She gets that it would be easier. There's a reason Collei hides the disability when she can, and Layla is respecting that, even though... even though Layla is doing the exact thing Collei should strive for, and making it clear as day how disabled she is, and just going about it in what seems to be extreme comfort.

Collei would benefit a lot from it, if she was brave enough for Layla's level of freedom. She just isn't ready quite yet.

But maybe... maybe it's something she can strive for.

Fischl paces at the other end of the room, where some sunlight is coming in, as she's looking at more of Layla's belongings and spotted a pair of thick, round lenses in delicate frames.

"Layla," Fischl calls, "Do you need these glasses? You've left them all the way over here."

"Oh? No, those aren't mine. Sucrose left those behind. Oh!" Layla places her hands over her heart. "I let that slip!"

"...Sucrose?" Collei asks.

The name is vaguely familiar to Fischl. It sounds like a Monstadter name.

Layla rubs a bleary eye. "This just shows me that I should catch up on my sleep after all... but, oh, there's probably no harm in telling you now. And I kind of want to tell someone, but you have to promise not to tell anybody, since she seemed very worried about some things."

Collei and Fischl look at each other.

"We can stay silent," Fischl says.

"Yeah!" Collei says eagerly. "We know how to... what's the expression? Take it to the grave?"

"The phrase is a bit dark, but it might be what she'd want... Very well."

"She was here from abroad, collaborating with me on a lot of research... about psychosomatic aspects of soulmatehood... it took both of us to make the progress. I don't know enough about biology on my own to continue the work..."

"Have you asked my Master about it?" Collei asks.

"Tighnari is excellent, but Sucrose was a genius of a certain field.

"Anyways... she's not a soulmate, but we were great friends, even though I didn't know much about her. But then she left in a big hurry one day, and said she didn't want anyone to know much about it. She seemed really badly frightened... So... ever since that day, I've been doing my best to keep her secret in silence, even though I've always worried about her."

"Do you think you'll see her again?" Fischl asks. "Your research together should count for something."

Layla smiles, letting out a big stretch in her cozy swing chair. "That would be a wonderful dream. And some of it IS published, with her name to it as well. That can't exactly be redacted... But for me now, I'd be happy just to find out if she finally feels safe, wherever she is."

Collei looks down at her lap (and her plushie).

She hugs Cuilein-Anbar.

Being safe is important. Feeling safe is, too. She wouldn't be happy if she had one but not the other. It was hard when she knew that she was safe, logically, but had no way to deactivate her fight-or-flight response and just relax.

...Funny thing now is, over the past day or so, Collei has become conscious of a significant new development: that of Fischl's protection closing in more securely around her.

Collei isn't ever out of Fischl's watch now. Ever. When Fischl is all the way across the room from Collei, Oz will stay closer to Collei than he is to Fischl, and his eye is fixed sharply on the younger girl. Fischl can turn away from Collei, be focused on something else, whatever, but Collei would still have Oz, who is in turn still just Fischl (at least, that’s how Collei thinks it works). Fischl would be the first to know if there was anything wrong. Anything.

Any other kid would call this behavior suffocating. They wouldn't want that from their older sibling.

But to Collei?

Collei loves every second of it.

Chapter Text

Layla isn't shy. She leans forward onto her desk and peels back one sleeve.

Collei recognizes Master Tighnari's mark first (who else would that fox be?) and then there's... constallations of an elephant, a scorpion, and some kind of abstract swirly thing. Collei is baffled by all of those.

"There's your Master, and then my pen pal Mona... the others I haven't even met yet."

"Are you in any kind of hurry?" Fischl asks.

"It's considered best to find people sooner rather than later... but I've had to call it quits." Layla laces her fingers together thoughtfully. "Maybe the last two could just show up at my doorstep..."

"Your arm looks really cool," Collei says. "It would be neat to have a ton of marks."

"Well, it's much more casual than what thread soulmates have. From what I understand, a good thread soulmate match is like... it's like a best friend for life, guaranteed."

Except for those who don't want to meet theirs, maybe? She did talk about that with Fischl earlier.

Collei glances down at Cuilein-Anbar, where she's clenched her under her arm for comfort. She had made it in a time of loneliness. It was weird to feel alone even after knowing she had someone taking care of her... was it because she hadn't met Fischl yet?

Sometimes Fischl goes really quiet. Is it because of these thoughts of soulmates and duty? Does Fischl feel like she's not doing a good enough job somehow? The thought is preposterous to Collei. Fischl's doing an excellent job! More than she has to, even!

"Marks aren't complicated," Layla says. "You can do the divining and rituals to locate people, if you're stumped... or confirm someone you're suspecting... but it doesn't inherently change anything once you know. They're considered descriptive of the relationship you'll have with somebody, rather than... well. Prescriptive. Transformative."

Layla covers her arm back, and then rifles through a stack of books and papers on her desk.

Those are big words. Collei is already in over her head. She really isn't ready for any of these Akademiya people yet...

"A thread soulmate changes you," Fischl says. "Not just your exterior life, but... who you are, as a person."

Layla turns back to her and nods. "Exactly."

Collei's heart taps a nervous rhythm. She's changed Fischl? How? Wait, does she even know what Fischl was like on her own, then?

"It's alright," Fischl says in a low voice.

Collei grumbles.

Well, she wishes they had met sooner, if it's true that Fischl can change Collei. Collei's been dismissive about it before (that Fischl took so long even if she technically could visit her) but now she's considering how amazing it would have been if Fischl had at least met Collei when she'd first gotten loose from the Fatui and started her aimless wanderings...

While Collei is thinking about that, and Layla has moved away to get some kind of equipment and notebooks down...

Eep! That was a gentle little jab to Collei's stomach. Oh Archons, not again!

Collei goes rigid and endures several more strategic pokes, from a Fischl who looks like she's concentrating veeeeery hard while also keeping an eye on Layla; she's only doing this while Layla's back is turned. Collei is the one, then, who has to hold back her little squeaks if she doesn't want Layla to notice she's being messed with by Fischl. (Not like Layla would be judgmental of the pair or anything, but it'd embarrass Collei).

That's when Collei realizes it! Fischl is evil! Diabolical! She's expanding her arsenal of ways to harmlessly mess with her! Collei is NOT unused to that!

"Ah... I wanted to ask you two... how is the attachment phase going?"

Eep! Layla is turning around!

Collei sits all the way upright, straightens her hoodie, and acts like nothing was happening just now. Fischl does the same, only for her, it's effortless. Fischl ends up with her hands politely folded on her lap, and one ankle crossed over the other. She is SEAMLESS! Dang!!

Layla says, "The attachment phase. I would say correct me if I'm wrong, but... I read it at a glance. You two seem overwhelmingly new to each other, and a little shaken from the high of it, even."

"Shaken?" Collei asks.

"I really don't mean to be rude. I was just wondering how it was going, and if there's been anything you weren't prepared for."

"Oh! It's going! Everything is fine! Haha!"

Collei mentally slaps herself. Fischl would probably be offended by the word vomit that just left her mouth, except for the fact that, well, it's the fault of Fischl herself messing with Collei just a few seconds ago.

Fischl has a different answer to Layla's question.

"It sort of threw me for a loop."

Calm. Calculated. Definitely truthful, in comparison to Collei's panicked stammer.

Fischl calmly explains, with a single nod spared to Collei to reassure her, "I'm one for drama and flamboyance, but am decidedly not used to feelings so strong that they physically overwhelm me. ...Is that normal?"

Layla blinks as she adjusts the diadem she wears. "That sounds... fairly normal. I've heard it gets less overwhelming over time, so... don't worry about it. It's also normal to not be able to tell, so don't worry about if you're different, Collei."

No, that makes no sense, and Collei can't relate at all. She didn't feel that way when she met Fischl. Yeah, Fischl has changed everything for her, sure! But... well, it's more like stuff that Collei feels in the background of everything now? It's strong, but not inherently overwhelming. Their drama and stuff that they had was all external!

Fischl is holding her soul thread and winding it around one finger, not able to stay still.

"I can see soul threads, by the way," Layla says eagerly. "I... uh... well, you can tell me if you don't want me staring at it... but I just wanted to point out that's a really bright-looking thread. Fate may have been a little impatient for you two to meet.""

Fischl leans back. "Collei, what did you feel when we met? How about when you were waiting?"

"I... don't remember how I felt when we met? And when I was waiting, I felt nervous and wondered a lot... but... Hey, hang on. I didn't even have mine until a few months ago! Why is that?"

"Lost thread could be the answer," Layla says. "Commonly associated with hardship and hopelessness. Sometimes, harshly phrased as... becoming obscured from fate itself."

Collei pulls a lopsided smile onto her face. "That can't be so. It's... it's normal, like all of this so far has been, right?"

Layla frowns. Her tired expression remains banished from her face, however. "What you've been through is exceedingly uncommon. In fact, the biggest outlier here... is that Fischl had hers even though yours was lost."

Collei stands up and paces close to Layla. The surface of the desk is separating them, but Layla now blinks up at Collei and draws back in her chair.

"So like... you've said it's normal for Fischl to feel strong things and me not to feel the same, and everything I hear about... well... it's like all the other ways my life keeps changing and I keep having weird new feelings and stuff, but everybody keeps telling me that everything I'm dealing with is normal. Even if something I'm going through is weird, everyone usually tells me it's normal for my situation. So... Fischl getting her thread before I did isn't really that weird to me. It can't be that bad."

"I didn't say it was bad," Layla says, moving further away. "And there's lots of things that are weird but normal, for a young person... Things like friendship, or growing up. But... and I'm really sorry, because I don't even want to really ask, except you deserve some kind of explanation at this point... you went through something, didn't you?"

Collei's face feels warm.

She goes quiet.

It goes back to this... why does it always, always go back to this...

Hmm. There are many things Collei does not take well to answering. Her circumstances are too extenuating. It's hard for the poor thing to explain any of it, but what happened to her was so defining and relevant that it just crops up at inconvenient moments.

It's Fischl's task to rescue Collei here.

"If I may ask the next question," Fischl says, "What other cases exist, of people with this... lost thread?"

Layla shakes her head. "Anything considered very terrible, really. Things like being kidnapped, becoming an orphan, or otherwise having one's fortune change in a terrible and drastic way."

"And why does it result in thread becoming lost?"

"There's a range of hypotheses... the mathematical explanation is that the odds of the pair meeting drop significantly. A more abstract hypothesis is that it alters a person's soul... it's this idea that it changes in a way that makes fate cast an ignorant eye over them. ...Those are just some proposed explanations. It's not an easy event to study."

As Layla speaks, Fischl's fists clench. She's angry at that second hypothesis. Oh, that, and the phrase "kidnapped, orphan, having one's fortune change" makes her think... "all of the above." Collei is "all of the above" to any list of conventional traumas. Fischl just hopes it doesn't get worse somehow.

"And I'm very rare?"

"It's highly unusual. And yes, it is considered a terrible and even unrecoverable thing to lose one's thread." Layla averts her tired gaze. She seems worn out from the nervousness Collei placed on her. "But, it's no longer cause for concern... not if the trauma is over and you still managed to meet your soulmate."

Fischl looks down and traces one hand over the other, touching each of the rings she wears. To think...

"She got it back," Fischl says. "Something inside of her changed again, just before she met me."

Fischl could have barged in to Collei's home and come off as a fraud or a mad prophet, declaring herself the thread soulmate of a girl who had no soulmate proof for herself. That would have been embarassing. She probably wouldn't have even been competent enough to befriend her.

"Collei... you seem to be in the clear, but... If you're still in trouble in any way, please let me know. I can anonymously connect you with a professional who could get you out of a bad situation, if you were still being hurt."

Collei breaks into a stammer of denying any lingering trouble (Fischl believes her; she's glimpsed Collei's past and lived Collei's present, and the two are incomparably different) while also gushing about how kind Tighnari has been to her (Fischl believes that too; Collei's fate would have been different if she'd had Tighnari sooner). It could be a little shameful for Collei, but Fischl sees the outburst as endearing, actually.

That, and the "professional" Layla alludes to could be (Fischl has an educated guess) Cyno or a similar figure. Wouldn't it be ironic if it is Cyno? The man is already the person who has helped deliver Collei from terror (so Fischl has guessed, at least).

"But still, what if something is wrong and weird and off, and--"

"Please relax, Collei. If your situation is over, then it's over. I would actually be more interested in interviewing Fischl."

"Why me?" Fischl asks.

"Because of the truly unheard-of thing going on here." Layla takes the mirror on her desk and angles it at Fischl. "You. You're the unique one."

Fischl can't figure out what's so special about her. Well, okay, there's lots of things (in her humble and majestic opinion), but what SPECIFICALLY is special about this situation.

"How did you hang onto it?" Layla asks. "If Collei's was gone for..."

"I never had it," Collei clarifies. "It all started when I was really young. I didn't ever have it until recently.

"...then Fischl should have lost hers. But she didn't. This is... an incredible first."

"First?" Fischl asks. "As in... first, first?"

"The first in my knowledge," Layla says, "which, on this exact subtopic, is vast."

Collei and Fischl exchange a meaningful look.

Collei sits down, and smushes the sides of her face down into her hands.

Her lost thread could say something about herself and what she went through. It could even be her own heart, in fact.

Fischl, meanwhile, relaxes with her chin on one fist. She's probably thinking something wild and drastically different.

"We'll talk later," Fischl promises. "It bothers me too."

Collei nods. That sounds worthwhile. Fischl really has something to say, that she can't even say around Layla, this soulmate scholar who reads them both so easily? Collei is eager to know.

The concerning bit is that Collei doesn't ever know what Fischl is thinking. Collei sort of has Fischl figured out, but only in the sense of how their dynamic works, and how to make Fischl happy. Collei is quickly realizing that Fischl's brain is always working hard, out of sight; in fact, she's starting to feel like Fischl has started to figure out a ton of things about her, without Collei even really needing to say. And then there's also the spine-tingling sense that Fischl is working twenty steps ahead on some plan she's hiding from everybody.

Collei thinks Fischl is like a sparkly shell of that book character she got her name from: dazzling and competent, but empty inside so there's room for shadows and secrets.

There's so much Collei doesn't know and can't read about her. Fischl has managed to let very little slip. Collei trusts that Fischl has a good heart, but the knowledge gap between them is immense and it makes Collei feel like something dangerous is lurking inside. Any instance of learning that Fischl is "special" only just serves as confirmation for Collei.

"Soulmate," Fischl says, benignly, "what couldst thou be thinking?"

"Oh! I was just... haha... thinking nothing! Haha!"

Collei realizes with horror that Layla's back is turned (the scholar is making tea at a small stove).

So that means...

A careful jab to the side and then a few up her ribs.

Collei covers her mouth and trembles. Argh!! Fischl!!!

The phantom of her haphephobia is strong. It has a lot of power over Collei. Collei wants to say that Fischl is stronger than it, but right now they feel a bit too much one and the same.

But the thing is... Collei is confused as heck. Because she also wants to HUG Fischl for it as payback. She can't, because it's too much touch for Collei (even if she initiates!), but the weird fuzzy warm urge is still there. The vile, mistrusting child inside of Collei is trying to wrestle and beat down the sunshine teenager who loves all her friends, but the happy-go-lucky is still kicking and it gives Collei weird emotions about everything. Oh, and if friendship wasn't confusing enough, now she has to contend with soulmatehood. Forever! And it WILL be forever, because she does not think she could ever be ungrateful enough to be one of those people who thinks she's better than destiny or could throw her awesome Fischl away or anything like that. That would be insane.

"Before we talk about the incident at the statue... I have something else I wanted to ask you, in case the information is new to you both."

Collei sits up straighter. Fischl just stirs her tea with one fingertip. They're listening.

"Tell me... about how your Attachment is going."

Attachment? With, like, a capital A?

"We're, not, um... attached physically? We don't touch each other a lot, because I have a weird phobia, haha..."

"I think I feel it. It's hard to separate. And nobody has ever even asked me to leave when there's something Collei should be told privately. It's uncanny."

Wow. Okay.

"It would be terrible manners," Layla says, slumping sideways in her own chair. Her posture shows exhaustion but her words sound rested and awake. "Everyone knows without needing it said, that you don't split pairs up. They have to choose it themselves."

"How do you know so much?!" Collei asks, leaning forward again, with the 'duh' of 'Fischl has already been able to research and read about soulmate drama for years' already at the front of her mind.

"Don't worry about it," Fischl says, gesturing for Collei to settle back down into her seat.

Collei complies. "Okay. But... Tell me if being Attached is a bad thing."

"There is a debate here," Layla says, standing up and scooping a few things from one of her higher shelves; she moves with a burst of energy, even her sparkly crutches momentarily abandoned by this gesture of willpower.

Wow. Layla has quite the mix of self-help books and leaflets to show them already.

Glued: What to Do!?

12 Essays on Avoiding Attachment?

Busting Myths: Stuck Together and Perfectly Fine (Reflections on the Benefits of Inseparability)?

Attached to a Monster: What Now?

"What are these even saying?" Collei asks, as Fischl pockets a couple of leaflets that Layla offers forward.

But it is starting to make sense...

She's realizing now that she isn't sure she could separate from Fischl right now. Not easily, at the very least.

It scares her. When did this sneak up on her? It hasn't been that long since they've met. In fact, WHEN they met, Collei was glad for occasional breaks from her eccentric soulmate.

And yet... already...

No! Collei won't entertain the thought. She doesn't have to separate from Fischl now! It'd be dumb. Like throwing away a valuable gift, or leaving your weapon behind in the middle of the woods. She languished for years, unable to even glimpse her soul thread or imagine anything so hopeful; she's not going to even remotely give that up now.. Having Fischl around, permanently, will benefit her! This is what she chooses!

Collei looks at Fischl. Fischl won't find issue with any of this!

Fischl is ignoring her, and staring intently at Layla.

Fischl plays with one lock of hair.

Fischl says nothing, meaning that she waits for Layla to say more.

...no, no, no...

Layla continues, "There's a concept called tolerance breaks. It's like... when I abuse caffeine, and then regret it later because I have to drink more and more coffee... and it only makes me need more and more... because I didn't ever take a break from it."

"Wait, but... no, no, that can't be the same at all. You don't get addicted to your soulmate." Collei wrings one hand out with her other. "...do you?"

"Some soulmates who get along well are prone to becoming overdependent on each other. Tolerance breaks where you spend time apart is key to avoiding inseparability."

"So it's not separating," Fischl says. "It's just getting distance."

"Even the strongest pairs will say they'd rather not be attached completely. It's more to do with convenience, they argue... like if one person is sick, and the other needs to leave to find them medicine."

Collei's fist tightens on her plushie's head. That example is too close! She hates that that's a good point!

"That's just one example," Layla continues. "The convenience argument is easily the strongest from the anti-attachment crowd. For example, what if an emergency happens? Inseparability can make even a minor crisis difficult to deal with."

Collei grumbles. It's a good point and all, but at the same time, no. She doesn't like to hear this. She doesn't like to imagine anybody prying Fischl away from her! Even if Fischl herself can't touch Collei freely...

"...As you can see, however, there is quite a debate. I wanted to at least show you some of the literature that exists."

"Can you summarize it a little bit?" Collei asks. Some of the book titles are very long...

"Sure. On the opposite extreme, many argue that inseparability should not be pathologized. They accuse anti-inseparability advocates of creating stigma. ...It's a very extreme viewpoint. The extreme is a tiny minority."

Collei squints.

"She's saying that some people enjoy being inseparable, and criticize people who discuss it like it's a disease," Fischl says. "But, that's only a few people."

Oh.

Is it really that extreme? Hmm...

"You have a more neutral ground, then, of people who weigh the pros and cons, and sometimes still choose inseparability, but believe it is different for many. Most pairs would fall into this."

Okay, fine. That does sound more reasonable.

"The other prominent viewpoint... there is a growing body of stories that say that inseparable pairs do not have any fundamentally stronger bond than separable lifelong soulmates, and that total inseparability is best avoided in all cases."

"This one I've read about," Fischl affirms. "People say that they have the full experience without inseparability."

Well. Alright. Fine! Maybe that's true!

Still, it feels like she and Fischl are on totally opposite ends with this one. Collei feels the same way that she felt right before this. There should be no reason she has to separate from Fischl!

Fischl crosses her arms and tidies her hair away from her face and, in a very calm intonation, says, "Collei is the person I want to spend my days with. Tolerance breaks definitely sound like a good idea."

Collei gets so angry, that she leans over and is gripping Fischl by both forearms and gets all up in her face, and doesn't realize it until Fischl herself demurely says, "Yes?"

Collei stammers for a second and then scrambles away with a weird noise from her throat.

"Shh. Hey. It's alright..."

...As if she has to deal with Fischl talking to her like a little kid AGAIN...

Fischl shrugs it off, as casually as if Collei didn't have the clear ability to act hostile towards her own soulmate. She gestures back to Layla. "So my strong feelings about all this manifest in one way, while Collei's basically manifest in the opposite direction?"

"That may very well be normal, yes. It takes a lot of insight to have that kind of realization, however."

Well, shoot, that makes sense! Collei DOES have a problem, but it's just that it's very, very different from Fischl's. Fischl met her and started having overwhelming feelings whilst together; Collei has overwhelming feelings when they're apart. So maybe "Attachment" really IS the best time of Collei's life (except for meeting Amber in Monstadt), but yikes, none of her life changes can just be easy, can they?

Layla has simple reccommendations for tolerance breaks.

A few hours apart, at least once a month.

It doesn't take much.

Collei growls and grumbles to be told this but at this point, she's taking her own reactions as evidence that Layla's suggestions make sense. Fischl has said her piece; Collei knows that Fischl is right.

Collei still doesn't like it. Soulmate stuff is rough. And to think that this might be made worse by her own issues, and her own lost thread... Like she's just being angry now so that she can make up for the time she's missed. The time that Fischl should have been with her...

Layla's back is turned when Fischl leans over to whisper to Collei. Collei leans away on instinct and is about to remind her that they'll be overheard anyways, but then she remembers that this is Layla they're around, and not Master Tighnari.

Fischl says, in a voice so low that Collei's skin crawls, and with a distant menace to it: "I am going to spend every day with you that I possibly can."

Eleazar. What Fischl just said is about Eleazar. It's about Collei's projected early death and Fischl's absolute hatred of every part of it. It's a disease Fischl had probably never heard of, and it's certainly now tearing Fischl's inner self apart.

"Something else is bothering you," Collei whispers. "What is it?"

Fischl's lips form a syllable...

Oh, look! Layla is back with some equipment.

"Alright, let's test these threads..."

Layla has what looks like a cross between alchemy and astrology equipment.

She uses gloves and tweezers to lay threads from the statue in a still liquid...

In the meantime, Collei and Fischl look at some of Layla's materials and even some flyers that Layla invited them to take...

Long minutes go by. Layla continues at her work.

Collei doesn't know what it's going to mean. She just feels antsy about all of it. Every time she thinks about what happened to the Dendro Archon's statue, it puts a frown on her face.

She and Fischl mill about together, in a late afternoon ray, in the last lit-up window of Layla's study.

"Just don't freak out for now," Fischl says. "We'll do a tolerance break after our trip."

"Haha... yeah..."

Collei gets a boop to the bridge of her nose. And then a boop to her forehead.

Okay. That's making her feel better.

Time stretches longer, while Layla is doing long processes that neither other girl would understand.

So, since there's time enough, and nobody is there to overhear them (and Layla wouldn't be bothered if she did)... Fischl decides to make good on one of her promises to Collei.

"I'm going to bleed from where?!"

"Shh! It's alright. It won't be a big deal." Fischl has the urge to place a hand on the kid's shoulder or something (gosh she's small for a fourteen-year-old; no wonder she hasn't had one yet) but she touches the window-eave past Collei's shoulder instead. It's a pointless gesture, but it's better than pushing the boundary of how much she's allowed to touch Collei. "It'll happen and become regular. Probably once a month. You'll be fine."

Collei slowly turns her head to the side. Archons, the girl clearly isn't processing...

Fischl huffs. Of course Collei is going to have a rough go of it. Feels like just about everything is harder for her somehow. It isn't fair!

"Look," Fischl says. "A moment of significance it may be, but it is also as simple as breathing. There need be no inward strife about it. It simply... is."

Collei's body huddles away from Fischl's. Her voice, when it comes out, is icy. "And what if it's painful?"

Fischl dreads that. It won't be fair if Collei has additional pain on top of everything else. Even so, however...

"Thou already copes with many rough bouts of pain. It would take a fair bit to faze you." Fischl narrows her eye. "...and, I truly think it will not be so bad."

Uncertainty. Neither of them has any idea. Will it interact badly with Collei's existing condition? What about mood swings and her existing trauma? Or, wait, what if she doesn't even have it like she's supposed to?

A funny expression crosses Collei's face. She looks up out of her stupor.

"Thank you," Collei says. "Thank you for warning me. ...I understand, why Master didn't feel able to talk about this himself."

Fischl nods down at her, and... she doesn't even have words.

It just feels nice when Collei's gratitude shines through.

Layla has answers and isn't telling them. She's instead giving them a sealed envelope for Tighnari, while she mails a different sealed envelope to a person that's probably Cyno.

"So it's that classified?" Fischl asks.

Collei blinks. What could be the contents of those envelopes? How bad are Layla's findings? She can guess that it's to do with Layla's area of expertise (there's something Collei suspects about the threads on the statue, but reaaallllyyy doesn't want to admit to), but... wow, Layla is being really careful about this.

Fischl gingerly takes the envelope for Tighnari and puts it in a very safe pocket of her bag. Collei says, "We'll keep it safe."

"Thank you so, so much for that..."

"No no, we should be the ones thanking you. We learned a lot in just a few hours." Collei forces as much sincerity into her words as possible. (The sincerity is real, but it's hard to present it openly after some realizations today.) "And it was really cool to meet another of Master's soulmates. The only others I've met are General Cyno and Madam Faruzan."

Layla scratches at the back of her head. "Really? You had to talk to the Scribe to get here though, right?"

"Yeah! What about..."

Collei has a flashback.

The Scribe, Alhaitham. The knowing look he gave Collei (like half-recognition, or at least having heard of her).

Wait...

Fischl is the one who speaks. "One of Tighnari's soulmates... is the Akademiya's receptionist?"

What.

WHAT.

"...As for your other questions, Fischl, Sumeru is a bit far for a Monstadter's... soulmate... but even so, it just means a longer trip..."

"You are really tired," Collei says, placing a hand over Layla's as she attempts to reach for another book. "You've helped us so much today. You don't even know."

It's true. Layla even gave them some pamphlets relevant to their situation as newfound thread soulmates. Collei suspects that this visit was perhaps more about Collei and Fischl getting to learn, than purely Layla and her research. Even IF Tighnari needed a trusted person to deliver the package.

"Please... anybody linked to Tighnari... is always welcome in my study." Layla has been stifling yawns in front of them all afternoon, but now she lets out a huge one. "And... I really want to talk to both of you more, if it's ever alright... or even just Fischl. She's... actually the more unusual one, between the two of you."

Layla thinks that, now? She hasn't even seen "weird Fischl."

Collei is disturbed, actually, by the fact that Fischl has been SO normie-ified by Collei's presence for this entire trip, that it's like there's some shoe that has to drop of Fischl weirdness like when they first met. When will Fischl act like "herself" again? Collei's starting to look forward to it, now that she's braced for it...

"You might be a new role model for me." Collei smiles, widely and genuinely, at this much-older girl who is very literate, and has a very successful academic career here. She can imagine herself learning from Layla even more in the future. "But you're clearly still very overworked, and I want you to rest if you can. Okay?"

Layla laughs slowly. "Please... I already explained to you about my disability..."

"It's not about your disability! It's about the rest of you. You just look like you've been awake too long and really need a break."

Layla places two hands on her own face, as if feeling for wrinkles and eye bags. "Oh dear. You may have a point there... I can feel it now. At the mere suggestion, I can... I can now hardly stay awake."

"We'll get your findings to Tighnari," Fischl says. "And... for what it's worth... I hope whatever's going on with your friend Sucrose was just a misunderstanding."

"Yeah!" Collei chirps. "Hopefully she'll be back soon!"

"...No. I appreciate the thought, but... Sucrose looked deathly afraid. One day she was fine, and then she was up in the middle of the night packing all her things like something was just really, really wrong for her in Sumeru." Layla shakes her head. "She apologized for not giving an explanation. I said it was alright, but..."

SNIFF!

Fischl leaves her place by Collei's side, to go give Layla a hug.

Layla sobs into Fischl's shoulder. Her grip is strong and her tears are messy. Fischl bears it, gladly, and lets Layla mess up Fischl's outfit.

Afterwards, Layla says, "I don't know what came over me..."

It didn't take long for her to compose herself again. Layla has it together like nothing just happened.

Fischl raises her palms dismissively. "Please. It's a good use of friends. Or even soulmates, if by proxy counts."

"It's the first time you opened up about it, right?" Collei asks eagerly. Collei is more emotionally intelligent than she lets on, Fischl has now observed. Maybe the little ranger doesn't even realize it for herself.

Layla nods. "Please keep it a secret. Whatever happened, I want her to be safe. That's more important to me than us continuing any research together."

Fischl and Collei look at each other and nod.

For Layla... and for this Sucrose, they haven't even met.

Collei discusses the matter very quietly with Fischl, on their way down to the inn. She doesn't use names.

"Some people seem really close without even being soulmates." Collei doesn't force cheer into her voice. This feels somber. "Layla and that friend... they weren't even connected."

Fischl half-shrugs. "It sure didn't sound like it."

"Some people perhaps seem closer because they aren't soulmates," Oz says. "Take Mein Fraulein's other two companions, for example."

That's true! In fact...

"If Razor and Bennett had their own soulmates, either of them... do you think they'd be nearly as close to each other?"

"I think they'd still be friends," Fischl says. "But there exists a strange and different bond between them, precisely because neither is connected with anybody else... you and I will never understand the nature of it. We are not part of their world. Not in that way."

Wow.

Maybe neither of those two is as unlucky as Collei had thought...

Hm. Fischl IS very insightful. But she has something she's not opening up about to Collei, doesn't she?

Collei wonders.

If only she knew what problem Fischl was working on inside...

They see their room at the inn.

"I do not know what I expected," Fischl says.

Collei bites her lip. This is, of course, what "small" means, in room sizes...

One. Bed.

Collei hurriedly throws her hands out in front of her. "It's gonna be totally alright! You sleep on one side and I'll sleep on the other. We probably won't even touch. I mean, I'm tiny!"

"If thou doth INSIST this will work..."

Fischl concernedly twirls a lock of hair around her finger. Collei laughs. She can't contain the panic. "It's going to work. I promise! I am not going to chicken out here."

Oz bobs his head. "Little ranger... although it is still the best solution... are you truly alright with it?"

"O-of course I am! I want to be able to share a bed with Fischl!"

Warmer than sleeping alone. More practical on chilly campouts. Something that'd do some good for a shrimpy kid with Eleazar.

...All of these reasons, and Collei is still nervous about it. Fischl makes her feel safe, but the threat of accidental touch looms over her...

Fischl starts taking down her hair.

She clutches bobby pins in her teeth as she retrieves her pajamas from her bigger-on-the-inside hip bag and says, "If thou inthitht, dearestht thoulmate."

Oz looks like he’s going to translate, but decides not to bother with this one.

Chapter Text

Fischl is a skilled lucid dreamer.

After all, her only wish is to be master of all realms. By day, Fischl gladly adventures alongside friends and soulmate. A drawn bow, swords at her side, fellow Vision-wielders there to fight in her name (and for her to defend in turn)... Fischl loves her friends, and she loves all that the light reveals, and she will investigate the mysteries of Teyvat for as long as time and fate will allow.

In dark of night, her purpose changes. The literal truths of a tenuous reality fades away, replaced by long corridors of philosophy and emotion that tunnel dark and deep through Fischl's mind, weaving and winding around greater truths. Daylight is gone, and instead the world is the light of an everlasting full moon, with bright stars and auroras visible some nights; at other times, the world is an impenetrable midnight save for that moon. Castle staircases run up and down and sideways in tower parapets that ascend forever. Fischl is the commander of loyal knights and flying ravens and sentient books, and all else that resides within her dominion here in the night.

In her dreams she cannot continue work of the body, but she instead paces paradoxical hallways and winds deeper into her own depths while her brain turns all problems over and over until solutions present themselves. She can thumb through a book whilst strolling masterfully through a complex maze. She can take notes on facets of a logistical issue in life while watching a separate version of herself refine her archery form. Her waking self may be a reputable adventurer with scathes of commissions under her belt, but that is only with the thanks of her sleeping self, who has the benefit of undisturbed hours every night to train, ponder, brainstorm and reflect.

And so, the folks at the Adventurers' Guild are always surprised when Fischl has some innovative new idea, or some psychology-backed approach from something she was able to recall from a dense book, but if they knew her secret, perhaps the surprise would be very little. Why should it surprise anyone that the Prinzessin has found a way that she can spend more time of every day thinking?

The Prinzessin der Verurteilung exists upon a fine line between mortal and immortal, but she walks it with a powerful stride. Yet still, she is lonesome by night.

Fischl has places in her night-realm deliberately left empty. A garden courtyard not yet cultivated. A throne room furnished only halfway. A would-be library, a would-be bedroom... all places waiting to be shaped by Fischl's soulmate.

She knows now that her choices of areas to leave blank could not have been more perfect. Collei, as a Dendro-wielder and trainee forest ranger, will have favored plants and the knowledge to cultivate a blossoming forest in the courtyard (in fact, Fischl will probably have to designate additional outdoor areas for her, over the coming years). The girl is also an avid reader, who will need the library shelves populated according to her tastes (she'll appreciate the extra hours of night to daydream and imagine, Fischl is sure). The night-realm is infinite, but it helps to already have these spaces outlined for her.

The only problem is... she's having trouble getting Collei into this place

She knew about dream-crossing from the start. She'd researched it. She prepared mentally for it and readied her land. But, alas... there were unknown variables she could not have braced herself for. She wasn’t expecting… well… so much pain.

But even so, Fischl is a girl ruled by her fascination with all things dark and terrible. She is equipped to delve into Collei's past, even if it is by sheer morbid interest that she even has the strength to do so.

That is how she came to find the portals that manifest when she sleeps nearby Collei.

A trace of the portal's edge is all it takes. She has never denied their invitation, but she gets the nagging suspicion that they would stalk her and come to swallow her if she so attempted.

Collei must think Fischl doesn't know that much, or is maybe just starting to figure it out.

Fischl has a calculated series of questions. She turns them over in her mind and seeks evidence in the nightmares every night. She moves with deliberation to investigate Collei's past, find some opening to insert herself, and save Collei from evil.

She has not yet found success in the later steps. However, she learns a little more about her soulmate every night. That much is assuring.

The tricky part is distinguishing between what is literal, metaphor, or total nonsense. Fischl is facing great difficulty with some of it. Even so... the light of reason is beginning to reach her.

Her questions:

1. Who is the masked man?

2. What did he do to Collei?

3. What is that little ranger still hiding?

Fischl knows there's something big she's missing. All she can make out so far is pointless torture of a child. The touching. The prodding. The sense that immense pain is about to bear down upon her. Being trapped, restrained, helpless. Vulnerable and voiceless and alone. The fear of pain, the generalized hatred, the longing for just... anyone. Anything.

Nobody ever came. And nothing ever happened to set Collei free. She was turned into a passive, helpless creature.

Fischl is angry at herself the more she knows. It's counterproductive, though, so she tries to just focus on fixing the current situation.

She drums her fingers on her elbows. Hmm. She got some answers, didn't she? There was that one really rough nightmare where Collei was suffering SO badly and Fischl couldn't save her but... Fischl figured something out!

...If only she could remember what it was...

The portal presents itself to her easily tonight.

Fischl touches cautiously the edge of it.

Oh, Collei, Collei...

It's not that Fischl isn't ready to investigate this one, but... poor girl. Her hatred is so intense tonight that Fischl can already feel it for herself. It's strong... so strong...

That's the hardest bit of this. How is Fischl supposed to hold up to the brunt of Collei's hate? Loving it out of her isn't an option, because Collei's weak younger self doesn't trust love at all... what can Fischl do? Save her? Apologize?

Wiping away a tear, Fischl crosses the portal...

Fischl forgets who and where she is.

Darkness? Darkness.

But. Fischl is used to navigating the dark, isn't she?

...Fischl activates her special sight.

Hmm. It's not helping her.

So no, Fischl isn't used to anything.

Fischl is useless.

Okay, so Fischl still knows something: She's got to help Collei.

Does she dare cry out? Well, this isn't a place where people do that. Not even if there's other children here. There's other children but nobody is friends. They're not loved enough to do the whole "friendship" thing. They’re so unimportant to Collei, and unloved by her, that Fischl barely senses them here.

Eurgh. Fischl doesn't know what it is. But she gets a vomit feeling in her mouth.

Doesn't matter. She's got to help Collei.

She's got to...

Got...

...Well.

It's already bad because Fischl can't even move.

Her forehead is touching a table. She's face-down.

...Oh. Oop. This is going bad places fast.

Fischl tries to calm down and think. She has to calm down and think. Think, because she's got to help Collei, or at least gather a little bit of information...

Because...

Every new piece of info brings her closer, right?

...Right?

Closer to what?

What truth?

For what purpose?

...Is this really about helping Collei? asks an evil little voice inside of her. Or is it only about yourself?

Like there's a difference, she retorts, scowling.

The Doctor is not talking today. But Fischl knows it's him right away. She knows it from the sense of a tall shadow and abyssal heart, and of course the sensation that anyone ever loved her now vanishing from her own awareness.

Okay then. She's taken Collei's place tonight. That's a good thing, because she's drawing the rough part away from Collei... so, Fischl knows she shouldn't regret it, but...

...Well.

Fischl has her regrets quickly.

She doesn't want to be here and she doesn't want to help. All she can think about is herself. At least, that's what part of her thinks.

Fischl has a strong mind and the ability to split it however she wants. She can hack and put her own spin on anything.

So the other part of her wonders different things: How long was Collei here? How often was she "visited"? And how many times did he do... well...this thing, that he's currently doing again, that Fischl really, really doesn't want to think about?

As she thinks, large, deliberate, gloved fingertips prod at different areas of Fischl's exposed back. Ten at a time. Wasting no moment. Giving no warning. They spread instead of cluster; they go up and down, poking into different spots that Fischl didn't know would make her strange.

It's just fingertips. But it makes her feel so weak.

Even without an association with pain (Fischl knows there's one there for Collei) this touch is unbearable. She can’t call it being tickled, either, because it’s invasive and firm and not playful at all. It is a weird, uncanny, unbearable touch.

Make it stop, make it stop!

Has to be some way out of here. Has to be a solution.

Fischl tries to calm herself down and think. She can always ignore it. It's just a physical sensation. She can't afford to focus on it right now.

Has to be... new info...

Fischl gasps for breath and writhes in place.

The small of her back! Ouch! It doesn't HURT but — it's worse than pain, somehow!

Make it stop! Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop!

The fingers continue their search. Like they're checking for something beneath her skin. Methodical, predictable, unbearable. It's never a rub or a stroke, no, and it's never just one or two; it's always a firm, medical prod and it's always the full ten fingertips, in separate spots, with brutalist efficiency. Ow!

"Please!" Fischl cries. "Please, stop that!"

In her life, Fischl has been mocked and jeered at and hazed and bullied and shunned. But she has never before felt like an object.

It stops.

Oh, Archons, it stops. Fischl lifts her weary head...

...only for a thumb and forefinger to clamp onto either side of her chin and wrench her face upwards.

Fischl's heart seizes with terror.

The mask. The giddy smile. The syringe earring.

...Well then. Now he knows Fischl is here. Fischl has the funny feeling that he will remember their meeting in future nightmares, even though Fischl and Collei both presumably struggle with memory retention here. Ah crap...

The back of her brain fills in a piece of missing info.

Fatui, pseudoscience, and a cruel "medical professional" who calls the shots... as far as Fischl's secretly-extensive knowledge of bad men out in the world goes, there's only one possible identity for this male. This is Il Dottore, who is ranked second of the Fatui Harbingers.

Why someone this strong...? Why does somebody this important have such an interest in Fischl's little soulmate? She’s just some scrappy little tomboy from Sumeru. Why should she matter to the Fatui?

"So," jeers the Doctor, "now there's a second wretched girl, in place of just the one?”

All Fischl wanted was to shield Collei.

But...

Fischl realizes that is what she's doing. She is doing nothing but shield Collei.

Reality is a cheerless thing sometimes. This is technically what she aimed for: some alternative to Collei's suffering.

But... not like this. ...Truthfully, what she wanted to do was look, solve a problem, or get Collei out.

She really would prefer not to suffer in Collei's place.

As it turns out, the only thing she can do for Collei right now is suffer.

"Please, I can't take it!" Fischl sobs. "Please! Stop doing that! I feel so helpless!"

Fischl really, really wants to think of herself as a brave girl. But as it turns out, bravery comes more easily when you're armed and free and can get a good view of your opponent. It does not come easily when you're immobile and powerless and feeling physical sensations that are worse than mere pain. If Fischl did have bravery right now, she wouldn't know what to do with it anyways.

She wants, just a little bit, to wonder where Collei is hiding. Or is she safe, even? But she's so scared that would give the Doctor some kind of hint and he'd go chasing her down in Fischl’s place. That's not why Fischl is here. No matter what, Collei has to come first!

Even if Fischl really, really, really doesn't want to take Collei’s burden?

"Do you want to be a test subject here? Do you want to have something in your blood that doesn't belong there?"

The Doctor words his phrases as though to dissuade Fischl, but his tone shows that he's very, very eager to have her here; excited for a fresh person to experiment on, in the small confines of Collei’s mind. How long has this phantom been performing his horrible business in the same recurring night terror? For how long has this veritable tulpa been simmering here in this lair?

"Do you really want her curse?" The Doctor hisses giddily, as his steel grip clenches Fischl by the bicep, off the table and pitifully in the air. "Oh almighty Prinzessin, what if the thing that melded with Collei so easily just up and KILLS you?"

Being released from her restraints, clenched by a single point of agony, and slammed hard against a wall is some kind of a reprieve from the touch to her back, but Fischl is still sweating bullets. Her skin is cold. Her fear and rationalizing have left her. All that's left in her is the sad, sad horror at what comes next (wait, what does come next?) and the fact that she's just going to have to have it happen to her and it can't be stopped by anything, anything at all. It's just. Going. To happen.

(She can't stop it. She can't escape. There's nothing. Nothing...)

It's just a dream, it's just a nightmare... it's just a very realistic very bad nightmare...

Then he presents it in his free hand.

She should have known! There were hints! She could have pieced it together if she weren't so scared! She could have made sense of it if she were braver!

Fischl has no composure for screaming. She makes a desperate show, instead, of kicking uselessly.

The Doctor chuckles. He rotates the syringe casually in his hand. The fluid inside of it is bubbling and excited and bright, and that makes Fischl only feel worse about what’s to come.

"Stay still," the Doctor croons. "It will all be over soon!"

Fischl wails...

Collei wakes up!

It's still deep hours of the night. But Collei doesn't mind waking up in it. Not this time.

She breathes in one more time the deep sensation of being wreathed in safety and warmth. She has never felt so, so secure, not hardly ever... and she's not used to waking up like this, certainly. Except maybe for the single sleep on a library couch with Amber, the night before Collei was going to receive help from Cyno... that was the first time since early childhood that Collei hadn't gone to sleep scared. Still, even then, with someone next to her who was acting so protective of her (and, man, wasn't that a brand-new experience of coziness for her at the time), Collei still felt full of nervous dread at things that still go badly the next day...

Right now, though? Right now... So comfortable... and in a peaceful place... and held snug and tight by someone who is very protective of her... Nothing to worry about, nothing to scare her, and nothing ever going to happen to her ever again.

Wait a second.

Something isn’t right!

The haphephobia kicks in.

Collei yelps. She twists around and shoves somebody away from her.

"Fischl!" Collei squeaks, realizing too late whom she just displaced from bed.

THUMP! Fischl's back hits the floor. A groan escapes her. She rubs at her forehead...

Wow. Collei isn't much one for swearing, but... Fischl looks like shit. There's a dead look in her single eye. And her body just looks... weaker, somehow? Collei can't place a finger on it.

"Collei?" Fischl asks.

Wow. Her voice sounds so dry...

"Fischl?" Collei asks back at her. "What... wait..."

Realizations flicker across her recent memory.

Her own feeling of security, while she was dimly aware of Fischl crying out and squirming and pleading. The sensation of being sheltered and safe at one end of their shared darkness, while at the opposite end of it Fischl had taken everything Collei hates and concentrated it around herself...

It clicks into place.

"Oh, Fischl, no!"

Fischl hugs her arms and sits with her knees up to her chest. She and Collei are close to each other on the edge of the bed.

"We've been... sharing nightmares..."

Collei doesn't want to believe it herself.

Fischl is doing too much for her with this one. She's straining herself. Collei's nightmares are a bad place and Fischl is too good to belong in them.

Collei has to put a stop to this.

"That was... bad. I'm so sorry. ...Is it every night, little one?"

Collei grumbles. Not a good time for Fischl to call her any of that.

"I don't want your pity," Collei says in as gentle a tone as she can muster. "I just think you should stay out if you can."

That gets an offended scoff out of Fischl. "Stay out? And leave you alone to suffer?"

"What you found is no solution!" Collei argues, and she sees in Fischl's startled (still-crying) expression that Fischl knows that Collei is right. "It's not going to last forever. I'm going to outgrow it."

"Outgrow it? Just because thou hast, what, finally begun to grow? A lasting trauma can be a burden that you carry like a wound for—"

"That's just it though. I've started puberty. Adults from Sumeru don't dream."

Fischl inhales. "That can’t be true!"

"I'm told that people from abroad don't believe it, but... Master doesn't dream, and neither do the other rangers. Dreams and nightmares are just for little kids. I get to look forward to getting rid of mine."

"No! Dreams are wonderful things! Thou must not— thou must not throw the bad out with the good!"

"I know some people like their dreams," Collei says wearily. "But for me, I’ll have to let go of what's childish. And, my nightmares... are nothing more than that. The late-night terrors of a little kid who hasn't let go."

Collei watches the look that's flickering in Fischl's eye. It's a cold, dead, trembling refusal to process any of what Collei just said.

"That's horrible!" Fischl finally says. "That's a terrible solution!"

"We have different beliefs about this one. To you, it must be so normal to have to dream your whole life... to me, that would be such a burden."

"Have to?! I get to! It is a marvelous privilege! A hidden strength!"

"I don't have that strength. And I don't have nice dreams. Not hardly ever.”

"And how long could it take for your nightmares to stop? Four years? Ten?"

Collei laughs dryly. "There's no way it'd be that long..."

"Thou art a late bloomer, and from exceptional circumstances, nonetheless! Anything is possible!"

Collei shakes her head.

"I'm starting to think I'll have to tell you everything," Collei says. "But I'm not ready yet. Let me keep my shame, for a little while longer?"

The word 'shame' slices deep down into Fischl. No... why does she codify it as 'shame,' whatever it is? Why should she have shame for her own victimhood?

"But you're suffering," Fischl pleads.

This time, Collei initiates touch.

She reaches out (and kneels upright, to bridge the height gap) and wraps her skinny arms around Fischl. Fischl sits and cries, letting her own arms be stuck to her sides.

"That's a clever little trick," Fischl says, sniveling. “Are you going to start hugging now, as long as it can’t be returned?”

"So? You deserve a hug, for all you do for me."

"But it isn't enough... please, just let me do more..."

Collei's hold on Fischl tightens into a stranglehold. "No. It is plenty enough." Collei rests her head sideways on top of Fischl's; to Fischl's touch, it feels warm and flustered. "Now stay out."

"I'm not giving up. I was starting to see terrible things!"

"You really were, weren’t you?" Collei asks in a fierce little whisper. "He was starting to do something bad to you. I can't let him go all the way. You can't enter my nightmare again. Please. If you can at all help it."

"But... but..."

"No. You carry enough of me already."

Fischl goes quiet.

Well darn.

It just kills Collei to kick Fischl out of anything, or even keep Fischl out of her own mind, but here Collei is, in bed alone, with Fischl taking some blankets on the floor. (Fischl automatically wins the argument of who between the two of them gets the bed. Collei recognizes which battle to pick.)

It's still a comfy bed, but Collei misses the warmth from Fischl being with her. It was so nice and Collei's ruined it. But she has the impression that keeping Fischl at an arm and a leg's length might be enough to keep her from stumbling back into the horrible depths of Collei's mind.

It will be a colder night, and definitely a lonelier one (Collei suddenly really really wants to not fall asleep, since she knows that she's completely unsafe now without the wayward, well-meaning Fischl). But Collei is determined to get through it alone.

It won't be forever.

It won't be forever...

Fischl stares at the ceiling even after Collei has fallen back asleep.

"I'm not giving up," Fischl whispers to herself. "I’m sorry that it took me this long, but you can't keep me out. Not now that I’m finally here.”

She doesn't care how many times she has to ram down the door to Collei's prison, or which gods she'll have to beg to, or how much Collei insists that Fischl shouldn't even bother... she's not going to sleep peacefully while Collei suffers. She might be too cowardly and pathetic to shoulder the burden in Collei’s place, but she's not done looking for some way of helping her.

"Thine Prinzessin hath at last arrived, precisely for such a brand of misery as this…"

Chapter Text

They both get dressed in the hotel room before going down to go buy some breakfast somewhere.

Today's gonna be straightforward. They're going home and going to see the boys again. Then, Collei and Fischl will take that afternoon apart, just like they talked about.

And after that... in the future...

Well, okay. They, still, have not talked about the future. What the heck are they doing afterwards? Is Fischl going to stick around with whatever Collei does? Will she become a forest ranger and just live in Sumeru permanently?

Last night was frightening. Collei can't believe Fischl went that far into her nightmare, suffered so much, and came breathlessly close to learning that Collei herself is less than untainted.

Collei wants to cling to her secret for as long as she can. Fischl might see her differently once she knows, after all; and although Collei doesn't fear rejection from Fischl, she just doesn't like knowing that Fischl is going to view her as not-so-cute in the future.

"Hey, Fischl. We're... still okay after last night, right?"

"What? Yeah, of course we are."

Fischl's voice is curt, but not insincere. She obviously doesn't want things to be uncomfortable either.

Fischl hasn't done her hair yet, and she's disheveled enough that she has no composure of grandeur. Oz is present, but he sits idly on the dresser. All that being said, Fischl's face is relaxed enough that at least she slept well. This isn't a terrible way for things to be… but there's still lingering tension between them. A lack of closure.

Collei needs to find a way to smooth it over. Either that, or somehow goad Fischl into doing so.

Hm. The second option might actually be easier.

"Psst. Hey. I'm, um, last night was a little rough and all, emotionally--"

Fischl looks up from the items she was sorting from her bag.

There is an expression of deep confusion in Fischl’s eye. It's maybe even hostility. Fischl must feel like Collei is about to say something Fischl will object to or disagree with, and Collei is going to try to wrestle with her about it in turn...

But Collei has nothing of the sort for her right now. She's not burdening her with an apology or self-deprecation.

Collei bashfully presses her fingertips together. "You can, um, start poking me again now."

Collei sidesteps away from Fischl all around the tiny room of the inn, and lets out anxious little giggles as she does so. She carefully kicks Fischl’s floor blankets out of the way so she won't trip over them, but she doesn't have anywhere to go if she wanted to get away.

Well, she doesn't really want to get away, she swears! It's kind of fun, it doesn't ever hurt, and it makes her feel nervous in a safe way. The only reason she's backing away is that she can’t help but try to delay being poked, for as long as she can, without changing any of the rules... argh, that just makes her more nervous from the anticipation!

Fischl does nothing but follow her with a slow stride, an extended finger, and a raised eyebrow.

"Soulmate,” Fischl says, after Collei has failed to make herself stand still. “Should I call it off?"

"No! I'm not scared! I just have a lot of, um, involuntary reflexes! Just-- just do it! It isn’t that scary for me!"

Collei clenches her fists and stops trying to get away. She still can't help but very firmly flatten her back against the wall just to feel safe, but she's going to prove her bravery!

Eep!

It's a bunch of very random, very very light pokes to her abdomen and then her collarbone and then finally her face.

It feels funny, but none of it is invasive. It's anything but rough.

...That's right... Fischl understands even better now exactly what Collei would hate. Fischl is now deliberately doing the opposite of everything the Doctor ever did to Collei. She touches her the way the Doctor never, ever would have.

Collei thinks the word to describe the way she's being treated by Fischl... is innocent.

...Collei hopes that maybe, even if Fischl knew the full truth...

...maybe Fischl would always have it in her to be so innocent to Collei.

Alright. Today they're heading home.

Fischl is scanning the crowd using Oz, making sure all is calm as usual.

...Hm. Wait.

"Don't look now," Fischl says, "but somebody has been tailing us.”

Of course Collei goes rigid. Fischl wants only to put a hand on her shoulder to reassure her, but can't. It's not some Fatui, it looks like... but why is there some Akademiya woman following them?

"What do they look like?" Collei asks.

Fischl thinks of the most identifying details to rattle off. "Young in the face. Long, pale-blue pigtails… Anemo Vision?”

Collei gasps. Fischl then gets the surprise of Collei snatching her arm and hiding behind her in broad daylight.

"Soulmate?" Fischl asks.

"Whatever you do," Collei babbles, "do NOT tell her that she looks young!"

Fischl analyzes Collei's current disposition. Collei has a timid, cowering expression on her countenance, but... well, this doesn't look like terror. Just some kind of social anxiety.

Hm...

"Do my ears deceive me? Is that little Collei I hear?"

...Wait.

Little Collei?

Somebody besides Fischl calls Collei that?

Well, this is going to get interesting… and Fischl is not sure how to feel!

"Oh, little Collei, there's no need to be scared of your future favorite teacher. I was just looking in Gandharva Ville for you yesterday, only to find out I'd barely missed you! There's some things I would like to share with you, you see, and... Hm? Who's this older girl with you?"

There's a big, personable energy coming off of this woman. She looks delicate in the face, but also cunning and extroverted at the same time. She's not tall, or fearsome-looking, or even remotely suited for fighting (asides from the fact that she carries a Vision). But, oh, her aura... it hits Fischl like a wall, and then she has the horrifying realization of what is going on here.

This woman... is possessive of Collei! Like she wants to capture her, albeit for something innocuous rather than torture or experimentation. Fischl has not felt this vibe around Tighnari, who seems to be more of a legal guardian whose custody Collei consented to at some point... But this woman? Oh, she recognizes the jewel that is Collei (smart beyond her age!) and wants her for her collection.

Fischl herself can almost relate to it on a personal level, except for the fact that Fischl and Collei are supposed to be together, and she has the benefit of fate’s claim on Collei.

"Madam Faruzan, it's, um, really good to see you! Haha, um... how are you doing? Let me introduce you to Fischl!"

"...Fischl? That is... an unusual name. But, each generation has changing trends, no? I would be ignorant not to expect newfangled things from time to time." Faruzan claps her hands together. "If I was not mistaken, did I overhear you refer to young Collei here as 'soulmate'?"

Fischl barely gets in a "yes" before Faruzan leans in close and continues.

"Please, I must make your intimate acquaintance! Collei is a dear friend of mine whom I am always seeking to assist in the education of. In fact... ah... why don't you and Collei come to my place? My tea pantry is well-stocked in case anyone is having any aches today... oh, and I still have the mix for some of those radish balls you like so much, hmm?"

Fischl was under the impression that Collei was enduring the urge to vanish from this social situation (and distraught that she had no excuse anywhere for miles), but now Fischl can see from the trembling of Collei's lip that that isn't really what's going on here.

Because...

Because Collei is crumbling. There is enough good about Madam Faruzan that, even with the wall of obsession (what even IS Collei to Faruzan, in Faruzan's ideal world? A daughter?), Collei cannot hold out forever: whoever Faruzan is, there apparently must be a heart of gold buried in there somewhere for Collei to be vulnerable to persuasion here.

Even Fischl is caught off-guard by Faruzan’s strangeness. Sure, she would have known Faruzan to be eccentric from the fact that she accosted the girls for no apparent reason (she's spent the past twenty-four hours just trying to track Collei down? Why?), but Madam Faruzan is wild in many other ways as well.

The thing that keeps hitting Fischl is the accent. Faruzan sounds like she's from exactly No Place, Nowhere, Middle of Doesn't Exist. Her vocabulary is advanced (with good reason, as Fischl quickly learns; this woman specializes in language studies), sure, but there's more to it. Underneath the academic voice is an alien intonation, alongside numerous pronunciations that should register as outright wrong to Fischl, but from the lips of Madam Faruzan (and Madam Faruzan alone) ring as indisputably correct. Fischl knows that this isn't true or rational, and yet, she's just been enchanted into a delusion that Faruzan must be the only person alive speaking the common language correctly!

Fischl's best description of it? "Sumeru accent, but freakishly, fantastically sideways."

Fischl sits, paralyzed by Faruzan's fantastical voice, even as her little soulmate frets next to her in the sofa that Faruzan dragged out of a corner for the both of them to share. Fischl would guess that Faruzan doesn't have too much company; a shame and utterly confusing, honestly, because every hyper-competent eccentric whom Fischl knows back home (save for one vengeful recon captain who can't hold onto many friends except for a happy-go-lucky thread soulmate) seems to be socially connected to at least a few zany others. Is Faruzan, what, so studious that she's always alone? That's sad.

She's cute, though. Faruzan is cute. Because she's enthusiastic, and has something pure about her. Her excitement about all things worth caring about (linguistics, adventuring, Collei) shows that her intellect is not fake. Fischl has heard Tighnari complain much about superficial Akademiks, but Fischl thinks that if they're all as sincere as Faruzan, there would be no issue.

Faruzan's apartment-study is adorned with abundant proof of her passions. The walls are lined with rescued technological artifacts from what Fischl would attribute to the desert ruins, books whose spines are laced by foreign scripts, numerous Akademiya banners and trinkets of a bull mascot, charcoal rubbings of ancient glyphs, and, above all else, the massive piles of papers and disorganized notes that are synonymous with the pursuits of a scholar.

Oh, and there's a longbow in the corner with some archery supplies! She's an archer just like Collei and Fischl. That's a surprise.

Fischl actually really, really admires this woman. Is it really enough for Fischl to just be an investigator for the Adventurers' Guild, now that she thinks about it? Clearly, the scholars get up to more danger and come back with more results! There's some signs of Faruzan living on a thin budget, but Fischl wonders if Faruzan's endeavors (even if they are somewhat thankless) eclipse all of Fischl's lonely victories.

"Collei and her soulmate! How wonderful! What a wonderful thing!" Faruzan is cheerful, and she leans in close to Collei with an intense fixation, but Fischl also senses a strain in her words somewhere. "Tighnari forgot to mention it in his letter to me. Or did you two just meet?"

"Two weeks," Fischl says flatly. She can hardly believe it herself. "We're thread soulmates."

"...Hmm. Well, he could have mentioned it. Oh, but back to you two -- how are you adjusting? Is it exciting? Scary? I must know all about it!"

That's getting a bit pushy, and a breach of common etiquette. Fischl isn't sure that they'd want to tell her "all about it." Not with the misunderstanding that embarrassed Fischl so, or the recent awkwardness of realizing they need to avoid becoming inseparable. There's a lot here that Fischl isn't used to handling, such as the very question to her face of what her soulmate experience is like. She's used to people leaving her alone there while she moped about her distant thread soulmate in silence, dangit!

"Um, Madam Faruzan. Do you have experience with... any soulmate of your own?"

Fischl perks up with relief. "Yes. As newfound soulmates, we would perchance benefit from sage advice from... ah..."

Madam Faruzan has been acting with some kind of pretense of old age. Fischl doesn't know if it's genuine, but she's willing to play along. Oh, but how old is Faruzan supposed to be, exactly?

"Hmm. Well, it's been awhile, and... as an old woman, I've outlived each one of my soulmates. Say!" Faruzan claps her hands together. "Let me go heat up the oven, you two. I'll be right back!"

When the woman is gone, Fischl says softly, "Collei."

Collei's fists unclench as she turns back to Fischl. It's a relief to just have Madam Faruzan out for even a second! Being around her is draining!

"Who is she really?" Fischl asks in a low voice. "Er-- I mean to say -- what is her story?"

Oh.

Now THAT is a tricky thing...

Fischl bows her head in shock. Collei summarized it in a factual way, but Fischl is hit by the blunt force of it.

A hundred years! This woman was in a sensory-deprived stupor for a full century? Yet, still she stands before them now as though it was nothing but an experience to age her with wisdom? She isn’t traumatized, and she doesn’t view the experience as tragic?

...Well. Fischl knows better than to disrespect someone who's faced a harrowing experience. If this Faruzan demands others treat her with seniority, fine then. Fischl has to defer to others somewhere. And anyways, there is no doubt that Madam Faruzan's life experience is horrifying enough that Fischl very well ought to respect her as an elder and genius in her own right.

Fischl drums her fingertips on her elbow as she looks down at Collei, however. Something here is uneasy.

Fischl asks, "Soulmate?"

"Hmm?"

"And what, pray tell, is the reason for Madam Faruzan's dedicated fixation upon thine own self?"

The question makes Collei jitter up with her characteristic nervousness. "Hahaha! Um, nothing! Well, uh..."

Fischl raises a brow. She's waiting...

"...Well, she kinda, uh, had this misunderstanding where... she thinks I would be the perfect student for her." Collei's voice drops to a whisper. "It gets really uncomfortable..."

Fischl's nostrils flare. That does NOT check out. Collei a perfect student, a misunderstanding? What, does Collei think Tighnari sees her as a charity case? Why, Fischl clearly needs to have a talk with whoever is feeding these insecurities into little Collei's brain; Fischl is sure that if she weren't in the position of being Collei's soulmate, then she would still be vying for the attention of...

"Ah! Collei and Fischl. I've got your snacks heating up in the oven now."

Faruzan is utterly grandmotherly. She speaks with a crooning voice and an adoring look that never leaves her eyes. Fischl thinks that if this woman had an interest in her, well, she'd hardly be complaining.

Yet something starts to click for Fischl. There is something oppressive about Faruzan's aura that Collei (independent, fighterly, unfettered little Collei) is unused to.

This place... It's inside walls, and cluttered with papers. It's not the great outdoors where Collei makes her natural habitat.

And Faruzan... is not Tighnari. She doesn't have his tact, nor his light touch, nor his oftentimes hands-off approach to guiding Collei. He trusts Collei to do tasks, and then she doesn't let him down.

Of course Collei has a preferred mentor.

Then, when Faruzan is talking about some artifact Fischl had asked to see, Fischl happens to brush a little close by Madam Faruzan (her study isn't that large and it is very crowded with furniture) and the woman jolts to the side.

Hm. That’s a familiar reaction! Fischl has seen that from somebody very, very close to her...

...but the Madam brushes it off with a shake of her head and moves on quickly.

Even so. The similarities between Faruzan and Collei are stacking up!

"Now... ah... I wanted to speak to Collei about a delicate matter? Even though you do now have a soulmate who can likewise speak on this subject... not too long ago, I did receive a little letter from Tighnari asking... well, he was hoping that, as a grown adult, I would share my own perspective on it."

It? What is it? What is happening? What in Teyvat is Madam Faruzan speaking of now?

Collei's expression changes multiple times: from panic to confusion to utter turmoil. From the horror in her eyes, Fischl is guessing that Collei herself had no idea of this arranged meeting.

"You had no idea the goose chase I've been on! I received that Tighnari's letter and headed straight down to Gandharva Ville, only to hear that he'd sent you up here! I'm certainly glad that my old bones are still quite limber, because I would have needed to come back down to Gandharva Ville again if I'd missed Collei here."

That beloved 'Master Tighnari'... What has he thrown the two of them into? Fischl is still grasping for any clarity at all here...

And then Madam Faruzan brings out the book.

The name of the book is 'That's My Body! A Girl's Guide to Growing Up.'

Oh no.

Oh dear beloved Archons no.

Chapter Text

 ...Well, it could... always be worse?

 Faruzan launches into a lengthy... diatribe? Explanation? She is going from the book (which she stresses is now Collei's to keep, complete with the added bulk from sticky-note annotations Faruzan felt compelled to add) and... well, Fischl really has to give her accolades after a certain point, because Madam Faruzan apparently has a very informed view of the hormonal cycle and stages of adolescence and... well... anatomy. Anything and everything human anatomy here.

 It could be worse, because even though this encounter is unsettling, Faruzan's explanations are keen. Fischl hardly has objections or corrections to make anywhere! Faruzan knows more than she does, and Fischl's the one who has (out of absurd curiosity) read books on topics such as history of contraception! 

 (Fischl is still miffed. This was supposed to be HER thing to explain to Collei!)

 Collei is frozen and mortified and shocked, helplessly stuck in her seat as Faruzan explains and explains and explains. 

 Fischl feels her own face going pink. She doesn't embarrass easily under normal circumstances, but... poor Collei!

 "...and I know that your soulmate surely is well-equipped to help you when it comes, but nevertheless, it is an assurance to be as informed as possible before the day strikes!"

 If Fischl is flushed, Collei is blushing a deem vermillion. At least Fischl already got in the chance to forewarn her on, ahem, bleeding.

 "Now, the tricky thing about periods is keeping them discrete. You don't want any boys knowing what's going on down there, do you? Even though it's perfectly normal for us, it tends to freak them out a little!"

 "Ahem," Fischl says.

 She does finally have a bone to pick.

 Fischl's hands tremble. She does her best to hide it. It's scary, to criticize someone she respects.

 "I... don't think... Collei should hide it from absolutely everybody. It could be a burden on her."

 Fischl can understand why Madam Faruzan thinks these things... especially depending on what it may have been like a hundred years ago. But Fischl is conflicted because she doesn't want any shame about this getting inside of little Collei's head (her anxieties about her body are strong enough without this added pressure). If the message goes across wrong, it could be disastrous for her.

 Collei wrenches her hands together. She's the one who breaks the silence. "Madam... I can't really keep secrets from Master Tighnari about my body. It just... can't work that way for me."

 "OH! Excellent point, little Collei. I entirely forgot. Well, Tighnari will be a major exception, since he is your caretaker at the end of the day, and all of this may be relevant in a medical way. You do not need to worry about hiding anything from him."

 Fischl grimaces. She needs to go ahead and spit this out. 

 "I do not hide my own," Fischl says. "Not in the least. Not from my two male best friends."

 A frozen silence.

 "Oh," Faruzan says, sounding startled. "Well... that is... is that a bit new-fashioned, Fischl? Do... they know what to think of it?"

 "It may be new-fashioned, even now," Fischl says dryly. "But I am affected enough by the moodiness and pain that... I do not see how I could conceal it. My dear companions spend enough hours of the day with me that... that they would know. Therefore, simply... I am rather frank with them."

 "Oh. Well. Hmm, I suppose... that makes sense." Faruzan speaks slowly, like there is some realization of her own going on. "That might... make things less complicated. Er... how old are they?"

 "They are both between my age and Collei's, and they are the two most gentle, good-hearted souls I have known. I perceive them as my brothers. They may be trusted beyond the gates of death and even beyond with any secret which we hold in delicate balance, including those of which are associated with the otherness of the body." Fischl makes sure to keep her breathing steady. She's proud of her words, but this is still a scary moment for her.

 "But why?" Collei asks. "Why would everyone have to keep it secret anyways?"

 "They... don't, really," Faruzan says, sounding deflated. "As your very smart little soulmate has just explained. It's just... well..."

 "Some maidens would consider it a mortifying ordeal," Fischl finishes. "But the situation easily changes, if it's someone as close as thine Master... or, well..."

 "Well?" Collei asks.

 "...Well, during moments of abdominal pain, let's just say... an ally with a Pyro Vision to lay over the stomach... can prove to be extremely convenient."

 Fischl and Faruzan exchange a knowing look. 

 In fact, Faruzan's look is one of jealousy at what Fischl just said. There's not as many agitated sparks flying as Fischl had once predicted here.

 But oh, the sweet child is still not following this very well.

 "Madam Faruzan... um... why do these things need to happen to my body? Why can't I just... uh... get taller?"

 Oh.

 Oh dear sweet girl...

 Faruzan's explanation of "so you could have a baby one day!" is met with Fischl's fierce interjection of "IF you wanted to! Only if!" which is met with "Well, certainly! Collei, you mustn't ever feel pressured to have children; the changes in your body simply mean that if you wanted to, you could!" so, well, they're not really ACTUALLY in disagreement...

  Collei is still trembling from the knowledge dump. The girl knows what pregnancy is, but appears to be imagining for the very first time the hypothetical of she, herself, being pregnant.

 "Now, Collei, you must NOT worry about trying to become a mother for at least a decade, if you are ever interested at all... and if you do, make sure this happens between you and the right person, and not somebody who will treat you poorly! Do you understand?"

 It seems they've gotten this far without Faruzan even hearing the revelation that Collei is fourteen years old. But, frankly, Faruzan's "at least a decade" assertion can stay that way, for all Fischl cares. Fischl agrees, one thousand percent, that it is many years too soon for Collei to have to seriously consider when she could try to have kids (if she wanted). The last thing that this haphephobic, teenage-yet-barely-pubescent Collei should worry about is that (and, er, all the steps leading up to it). In fact, if Collei is chronically ill, pregnancy might not even be a safe or viable thing for her.

 "Still, my little student, regardless of our higher aspirations, we are mammalian at the end of the day. Even if you wish to have your life's work be tending to the forests, or cataloging ancient ruins... well... you may still find yourself subjected to some very new and peculiar inclinations, that will need to be managed very responsibly!"

 ...Fischl starts to understand why Tighnari resorted to calling Faruzan for aid, and now she silently thanks him.

 Because yes, Collei might be gifted with a great and almighty Prinzessin who ought to be able to rescue her from any danger, and retrieve her from any turmoil that doth strive to claim her heart... but, well, Fischl has met her match. She can't explain what's going on here.

 She may have volunteered to explain puberty to Collei... but she is very, very, very glad that on this particular subject, Collei has somebody else to explain.

 This is getting unbearable for Collei!

 At first it was less bad that Fischl was here. She felt like Fischl would be suffering with her and maybe helping her out through the awkwardness. 

 But Fischl is doing nothing! And in some cases, Fischl makes it worse by asking questions that make Madam Faruzan go into MORE detail, all while Fischl nods sagely along and... and they take notes! Together! In case Collei forgets things!

 Sure, some of it isn't THAT bad. Collei doesn't mind the news that she'll get hair on her legs or under her arms (etcetera) and really likes the idea of growing taller (even if she has to withstand growing pains in addition to existing pains) and is even okay with her chest changing.

 Sure it's weird. That last part is a foreign notion and Collei doesn't even get to know yet if she will have anything noticeable there or not. But the idea of looking like an adult, eventually (maybe like Amber or Lisa!) is comforting to her. She thinks it would help her look stronger and less vulnerable and less mistaken-for-a-kid overall.

 But. Well. Yikes. They're getting into the stuff that really really really makes Collei cringe and recoil and want to get away. 

 Collei already knows about animals breeding from seeing it happen in the wild. And Master some more context to her, so Collei has known, logically, that... um... humans do the same thing. And he's told her that humans who love each other do it to have... babies, and that for humans it's vital that they BOTH consent (as opposed to the forest tigers where that, erm, isn't always the case, but there's not really anything humans ought to do to intervene). Collei really didn't like having to imagine the human analogue, but at least she understood. And Tighnari made her feel very safe about it; he said that if anybody ever dared to hurt her in any way, she should tell him so he could help her and protect her.

 But... eurgh... now Madam Faruzan is explaining to Collei, in detail, that SHE might start to have 'weird urges' related to wanting that?!? Collei wants to reel! She wants to turn away and cover her ears and not think about this! It's too biology-y and squishy (not a good kind of squishy) and gross! Collei sure hopes she doesn't get those feelings, because she doesn't understand what she of all people would do with them; she even hates being touched on the outside of her body, so why would she ever... eurgh! How does anyone want to do that willingly?!

 Collei does have a few funny feelings for Razor, but her daydreams are tame. She thinks she just wants to sit on his lap or smooch his face at the most. Probably not even that.

 Faruzan talks about 'boundaries' and how it's better to limit acts to 'caresses' and 'kissing' until one is of age, but if one is really going to do the deed, then there are ways to avoid... uh... oh. 

 Oh gosh this is the grossest conversation Collei has ever been part of. She hates being touched, so why can't she just be exempt from learning anything and everything having to do with how one could become pregnant?!

 Fischl just sits there next to Collei and inspects a fingernail and gazes off in one direction with a look that's very... yikes, Collei does not even know what that look is. It's somewhere between "don't ask me" and "I am not liable for whatever happens next."

 Oh sweet fresh heck. Collei is stuck.

 Collei feels herself subjected to an emotion like coming up for air after several long seconds underwater, when Madam Faruzan leaves to go check on the food. 

 Collei whips around to look at Fischl. A guilty expression creeps up over Fischl's countenance. 

 "Yes, soulmate?" Fischl asks, with a strangled smile.

 "Why must I suffer?!" Collei squeaks. "You're colluding with her! Master Tighnari said nothing about this!"

 Fischl looks like she's bracing every muscle in her face against some mortal blow. "I cannot account for thine Master putting us in this situation without so much as a warning, for I was also caught off-guard. But as for why I am complacent in this... erm... because... well... you see, soulmate, I..."

 "I don't see! I can't! All I can feel is just this-- this terrible bad dread." Collei clenches her own face. Fischl can glimpse a few Eleazar scales under some slipping bandages on her arm. "And Madam Faruzan is just so... overbearing! I can deal with her on a normal day, but this is... this is just scary!!"

 That's it. Fischl is cutting off part of this here.

 "Collei," Fischl says gently. "Look at me."

 Collei peels her hands off of her face. She's not crying or anything, but... yeesh. She's a mess. So disheveled!

 Fischl presses a fingertip to Collei's forehead. Firmly. 

 "The info. Is good to have." Fischl makes her voice firm. "Even if thou wilt never do a single thing with it."

 "Why should I have to know?!"

 "Facts. Of. Life." Fischl keeps her tone factual in the hopes that Collei will calm down. "Thou must know all these things. It will help you in recognizing if thou art ever in a situation where something is wrong, or a person is being treated inappropriately. It can keep others from making references that fly over one's head. Doth thou understand?"

 "...Maybe... a little?"

 Oh that poor scared girl. Even more scared to recognize that this knowledge is more important than mere trivia, even to someone so touch-disgusted that she may never well act on 'urges' of her own... Fischl feels great sympathy. 

 And, at the same time, she feels a powerful relief that... from the sound of things... of all the trauma Collei has faced, at least nobody has ever hurt her in that one especially unspeakable way. She's been through enough pain as a lab experiment, vagrant orphan, and lifelong Eleazar patient. Collei has enough to deal with.

 "This would be less awkward if Oz was here," Collei grumbles. "Where IS he?"

 Fischl can understand that animals tend to make Collei feel more at ease. But there is definitely a reason Oz is not here.

 "Dearest Collei," Fischl says, carefully moving her finger to Collei's shoulder. "Oz does not have the same anatomy as you or I."

 "Is this because Oz is male?"

 Fischl bites her lip briefly. "Erm... Collei. Mine familiar is... a bird. Not a mammal."

 "That makes a difference?"

 "Well, yes. For you see..." Fischl grimaces. "Mine familiar hath a... cloaca."

 The word leaves Fischl's lips and it is all over. 

 That, of all things, is one word that poor, sensitive Collei should not have to know the definition of, for any reason, ever.  Fischl was very, very relieved at all the things she was not going to need to explain after today. But now? That feeling is melting away to be replaced by the horror and dread of now having to explain bird anatomy as well.

Chapter Text

Faruzan lingers in the kitchen, near the oven where the reheated fried radish balls are finishing up. Keeping that favorite food on hand (that girl has an odd little penchant for Monstadt cuisine) is a simple tactic to win that girl over; Faruzan was hoping little Collei can't hold out forever after having it enough times and learning that her Madam Faruzan would always be able to spoil her. And then one day Collei asks about a research subject, and before anyone knows it, Collei is her student... heh heh...

But the dream now has crashed to the floor and dissolved into fine particles like delicate glass, because Faruzan realizes she has blown it.

Sure, she acts like her hearing abilities are stunted, but that's just an act. A century of stasis and deprivation made each each and every one of her senses unbearably keen. No hint of flavor escapes her, the slightest draft makes her shiver, and she overhears every word that others say behind her back (even if she has the gall to keep offending them anyways).

Faruzan carefully gets the food out of the oven and sets it to cool, and moves over to her window, where she grips the edge of the sill, leans forward, and starts to weep.

She's losing her chance. Collei is fed up with her. Done. Ready to leave forever and then avoid any situation in which she'd have to grant Faruzan one more chance.

Even now Faruzan's heart pangs. The memory of that mysterious little scrappy creature, who must have been Tighnari's for only a few months, kneeling humbly deep in the woods as she prayed to the Dendro Archon not for salvation, but for an extended vocabulary! Words! Somebody who would pray for words! A student after Faruzan's own heart, delivered to her in the woods like some sort of compensation for the cruelty of fate that erased her for a hundred years!

Even now, Faruzan remembers that light feeling in her heart: the realization that if she hadn't suffered alone for so long, she would already be dead and never be able to meet this sweet child. It was like a little happiness entering her heart at last, after that terrible long time; one thing that could even make her grateful for that time she was lost. If Faruzan had lived and died in her own time, then how could she have met Collei?

Oh but nothing has worked out for anybody. Collei has other friends, and is not connected to Faruzan by fate at all. Faruzan has no rightful thing to do with her. It isn’t meant to be.

And Collei, even now, is talking on and on to that Fischl about how difficult these social situations are, and how she just wishes she knew how to interact with Madam Faruzan correctly, and how she doesn't feel like enough and wishes she could just somehow make that clear to Faruzan, and Faruzan hears every word.

Nothing escapes her. Nothing.

The radish balls are done. Faruzan should really let those girls know, and come and eat it while it's fresh... by all means it should make her so happy that she's got a couple of teenagers here as guests in her home and she can give them food and hear them chatter about their adventures and what they're doing, and maybe be treated reverentially as their elder in turn... Maybe Faruzan can think of handcrafting some lovely little gifts for them, in an older Sumeru style, or something of the sort...

...But...

...It doesn't matter. Collei said she's overbearing. She can maybe handle it from Tighnari. But not from the one she personally covets.

SOB!

Faruzan covers her mouth. Did that sound really just escape her?! Oh no. Did those girls hear?

It doesn't sound like it. Faruzan hears only Collei continuing to go on in a distressed, overwhelmed tone to Fischl, about all the times Faruzan has made Collei feel uncomfortable.

Collei rests with her face in her hands as Fischl consoles her. These situations are just so awkward. She wishes everyone would just stop thinking so much of her.

Faruzan ought to just give up. Collei can hardly read; she isn't worthy of being the student of someone like Faruzan, who must know scathes of scripts and languages. All Collei can wish for is that Faruzan will stop forcing the issue and setting her sights on her...

"But she's a very wise teacher, no?" Fischl asks. "Everything she said... she was hardly closed-minded. She didn't hold any knowledge back."

Collei groans. "And she wouldn't have, even if I begged..."

Fischl's nostrils flare.

"All I'm saying is,” Fischl says, “don't judge so harshly a gift that heaven has so kindly placed in your lap. She's got academic purity. You want to study here in the city one day, right?"

"...Eventually..."

"...And Faruzan's practically adopted you…"

A horror scenario flashes through Collei's mind. She imagines a timeline where she didn't wind up living with Tighnari, but with Faruzan. Faruzan as the person she has to be not only reverential towards, but warm (almost like family); Faruzan as somebody patching up her wounds and teaching her archery even when Collei is so nervous around her; Faruzan as the person who teaches her everything (and hence Collei becomes hyper-linguistic, instead of someone versed in the ways of the forest).

…

...Oh, well, that isn’t completely horrible.

"Faruzan shouldn't even want me," Collei says instead. "I'm not suited for her. If she knew more about me and how... the reasons that I'm so behind in everything, then maybe she'd realize I'm a lost cause. I think I can scrape by as a decent forest ranger, but that's about it."

"Do you really think that’s fair to you? You work pretty hard--”

"Of course it's fair! I'm abnormal. I'm not an easy student. I love Master, but he's had to be so patient with me. I can understand the things he sees in me, but Madam Faruzan's judgment is off."

"Why? You're clearly not unteachable!"

“I’m too different! She needs to find someone who hasn’t been through what I have!”

“...Well, I for one doubt that this Madam Faruzan should care so much about thine past!”

"Well, she should know that something's up! She should know there's reasons that I'm a teenager who can barely read, and... she should probably want to know what it is, so she can make a more informed decision about how to feel about me!”

...

Fischl inspects one of her fingernails as though disinterested. “And how much does she know?”

"That I'm... behind... and that I have presumably no family, and I'm just some orphan Tighnari took in..."

"JUST some orphan?"

"Well, I have a Vision, and I'm good at wilderness survival, and I... uh..."

"...You what?"

"...I do embarrassing things like go out in the middle of the woods to... pray to the Dendro Archon to make me smarter and improve my vocabulary because I'm so..."

Collei wants to say the word 'stupid' but knows it would only get her chastised by Fischl (curse you, oh mighty Prinzessin, blocker of self-deprecation). So instead, the word that gets out is "behind."

“Why does it matter?!”

"I shouldn't even be worth investing in! I'm! Not! A normal kid! I lost so much time, and got the laggiest start in doing so much as learning to read, and… just… all the years that I could have been becoming smarter and wiser, that were just... well, you know."

The suffering can go unsaid. It isn't the main point. It doesn’t hurt as much as all the good things Collei missed out on. Things like learning.

Then Fischl stops answering her, and instead steps away from her.

Fischl strolls around the room; at Faruzan's artifacts and manuscripts, and encyclopedias and fossils. She seems completely untouched and unconvinced by anything Collei just said. Just like she always is, when Collei attempts to center things around her own inadequacies, and Fischl can only see some innocent younger sister who has both the heart of an angel and the work ethic of a day-laborer.

"So," Fischl says, staring up at a glass contraption of Faruzan's. "If she knew anything and everything... what do you think she'd think of you then?"

Collei thinks about it.

Madam Faruzan.

Faruzan.

A hundred years...

The open secret. The thing nobody talks about; the thing she chastises people for if they even bring it up. Because it's no big deal, right? She's here now, by her own professed genius, and Celestia help the person who dares to respond with pity or horror, because...

...because Faruzan was lost for so long, that she doesn't even want to hear the first thing about it now that she's finally free.

Faruzan is different than Fischl, who has something of a vengeful interest in understanding how Collei was hurt. (Either that, or Fischl reveres Collei for her suffering; there’s something weird there that Collei still can’t identify.)

Faruzan would be different than Tighnari, who needed to know the details so he could give her medical care, nurturing, and psychological healing.

So what is left for Faruzan?

"I think," Collei says slowly, "that Madam Faruzan would view me exactly, exactly the same as she does now."

Madam Faruzan doesn't cry. She's too big for such a thing! She's a wise, composed elder who--

An elder with no followers.

Oh sure, Faruzan can pride herself extensively, however. She can pride herself on her achievements and on--

Empty classes? The painful trickle of bills?

Oh no. No, no, those trivial little things... they can't finally be getting to her, can they? It's nothing! She doesn't have anything to do for it except keep running down more ruins (no matter what that nag Cyno says about her being careful). And she doesn't have to worry about being academically ignored if she just works harder crafting brilliant studies and proving to everyone that her Darshan is the greatest and more people should transfer over and take earnest notes from her brilliant lectures...

...and she'll have more time for all of it now that she's realized she should taper off her visits to Gandharva Ville and leave that Collei alone. Her real interests are different, she has enough to do, and that Tighnari is far more suited to teaching her what she would actually like to know, for her existence as a strong and untethered forest ranger who may even take Tighnari's position from him one day. And, she has seemingly indicated that she's unfit for the Akademiya... and Faruzan didn't understand, because clearly Collei studies hard and reads piles of books, judging from that one time Faruzan went back to her little room! But now the real reason clicks into place: Collei was making a polite (if self-deprecating) excuse. Because why would Collei want to go exploring ivory towers when she could have the vast freedom of the entire Sumeru forests to herself? The immense, incredible outdoors? Collei's been through something (Faruzan doesn't care exactly what, because why should it define her?) that makes her nervous being inside buildings, and terrified of physical touch. Collei might just value freedom even more than Faruzan does. Should Faruzan not respect that?

Faruzan begins to waver.

Don't cry, don't cry...

The radish balls are getting cold. Fischl and Collei are still talking in the other room but Faruzan is panicking and forcing herself not to listen at this point. She's heard enough. She's going to stand here and hold her Vision in her hand and stare down at it like it's her last remaining comfort in this lonely place she's made for herself, because it is.

Don't cry... Don't think about the twist-of-the-knife that is being a soulmark of Tighnari of all people... Don't think about dead friends and family and soulmates from a lifetime ago... Don't think about never winning over a single passionate student and getting to pass on all your secrets and wisdom and library of information...

Oh dear. It sounds like somebody just got up from a seat and determined footsteps are coming up to the kitchen door and oh no! It's probably only that Fischl (because why should Collei want anything to do with her now?) but still, Faruzan does not want a single person to ever see her cry! She's too old and respected and composed for that! It would make her some kind of laughingstock; she's struggling so hard to prove she's an old woman, what with her youthful face and all, and here she is about to cry like a little girl and that brave, cool, admirable Fischl (Collei's rightful best friend) is going to be there to see what a wreck she is!

Oh.

It's Collei.

Faruzan is seen crying by Collei.

"Oh. Collei, little one. I mean... Don't worry about me! Something just came over me and I was reminiscing about the past. There isn't anything wrong, ha ha! I am... normally far more stable than this, and was simply overcome by a burst of emotion at an inopportune time. Old age can give one quite the mood swings!"

Collei just blinks and gazes up at her with upturned brows and a frown of absolute guilt.

Oh, no...

"Collei, sweetheart. You don't need to --" SNIFF-- "to feel bad, or to stay here any longer than you would want to. I'm not going to hold you and Fischl back from any of your adventures any longer than I already have. You can take some snacks with you and make sure you take that book but... other than that... please, don't worry any more about me. I've got... plenty of things to keep me busy and... and..."

Faruzan becomes conscious of the tears spilling all the way down her face. Collei's face goes redder than it was in that entire hour in which Faruzan was explaining the facts of life to her. Faruzan hopes Collei isn't about to apologize. There's nothing for her to be sorry for; this is all on Faruzan.

Collei gives Faruzan a soul-piercing stare.

"I know... this takes a lot of courage for me of all people to ask... but has anybody hugged you in the past one hundred years?"

Faruzan squawks. She most certainly did not expect that preposterous, ridiculous, unthinkable question! Nobody asks Madam Faruzan if she needs a hug or if she needs to lie down (okay, maybe they should, because old age gets to her head sometimes and she needs to rest). Why should anybody have cause to think, anyways, that Faruzan has never...

...Ever...

...been hugged, at any point...

...since that time from before she was lost?

"Collei, you wholesome child. What a nonsensical question! You don't need to ask me a thing like that, because..."

"Madam Faruzan, is it... yes, or no?"

Faruzan's voice cracks and goes dry when she tries to answer.

And, that precious girl walks right up and folds arms around Faruzan in the tightest hug she's had in a hundred years (and then a few decades). It takes Collei kneeling over her in the windowseat (height difference), but those scrawny arms feel like they're squeezing the death and decay and dusty miasma of the bad place (Faruzan can still feel the ruin dust and carved glyphs beneath her fingers, in the time that she remembers nothing else clearly from) right out of Faruzan's long-suffering body.

Faruzan squeaks and trembles in place, with her own arms pinned to her sides uselessly.

"I hated it," Collei says, in a vicious little tone that Faruzan wouldn't have expected to ever leave that sweet girl's lips. "I hated being trapped. I hated it so much and it made me so angry at the entire world. But it was only for my childhood. I can't imagine it for a hundred years."

It isn't pity. Not quite. It's... something else? Rage, catharsis?

Resonance. It is resonance. Relief and happiness to find somebody in the world (one person!) who is same as her on the inside. Because, maybe Faruzan doesn't care exactly what it was Collei went through, but she does care that they can commiserate about it together.

"Who could say that either of us has it worse than the other? Pain is relative, as they say."

"I never like thinking too hard about your past." Collei's stranglehold tightens. "It scares me."

"Come now, child! I may have made some errors in judgment, but... I was an adult when it happened. I handled it in the end."

"Yes, but... that doesn't change how bad it must have been."

A hundred years. Most of her life. A defining era that she just can't get past. Even if she lives a very full, very long life now... even if it becomes a proportionally-smaller part of her over time... it would still only shrink down to forty percent or so. She won't be able to ever really grow around it.

"The worst part was just... that it was very, very lonely. But it became clear that I had to escape on my own. So I did!”

The loneliness she was drenched in for a hundred years that she subsequently brought with her out of that accursed place... the loneliness she takes with her wherever she goes... it maybe won't ever leave her.

But now Collei's here!

Faruzan lets her head rest against Collei’s collarbone, as Collei continues to hold her tightly.

At last, Collei says, "I’m not sure I’m ready to be your student, but... can I be your friend?"

"Not ready to be my student? Preposterous! But... yes, Collei. I am absolutely touched that you want to be my friend."

Collei cries into Faruzan's shoulder. Fischl is great, but Faruzan is the only one who gets it.

More importantly, it is strangely refreshing that Faruzan is a person who does not ask or wonder what or why about all that baggage in the past. Even though she wants to unravel every mystery of language, machines and the past... Faruzan's curiosity has found, in all the sources of Collei’s pain, absolutely nothing of interest.

Collei wouldn’t have it any other way.

Faruzan can't get her head straight when it comes to who's comforting who here.

But, does it matter?

She's finally won Collei over in some kind of way.

And, she's finally been getting that hug she's needed for much too long.

(She wishes she could say it's only been for a hundred years, but she's been carefully managing her distance from known-soulmate Tighnari for a couple years on top of that, forever finding some way to weasel out of a socially-suggested embrace.)

It's funny and unexpected, because Collei is the one who has the phobia worse; the touches that alarm Faruzan could have Collei more severely upset. But Collei is the one who reached out, and, on top of that, had the gall to ask Faruzan to be her friend!

Oh, that girl… She’s too wholesome for her own good.

"Imagine," Collei says, breaking out of the hug with a laugh, "just think about how crazy it is that you being stuck for a hundred years was... the only reason you were able to be in the exact right place now to tell me about puberty and all that other stuff!"

Collei just said the most absurd thing ever! It is utterly preposterous!

Preposterous... and...

Preposterous and true!

Faruzan laughs right along with her! That is crazy! Crazy and completely, utterly factual!

"Perhaps that is the reason!" Faruzan declares, also pulling away from Collei but happily clasping her proffered hands. "The real reason fate screwed me over for a hundred years... was so that I could be your elder and give you the talk!"

It's true and hilarious and terrifying. Collei is a source of hope and purpose and enthusiasm for Faruzan... and then even that Tighnari is a weird sort of lifeline even in the times that she begrudges him. But if it weren't for the unforgiving century, she wouldn't have either of them in her life!

Fischl, who had been standing in the doorway, finally walks in with a concerned expression that quickly morphs to a tired smile.

"Isn't this surprising?" Fischl says, at the sight she had been watching.

Collei shrinks down a little. "I kind of messed up. But... um... Madam Faruzan is my friend now. I'm going to let her look out for me from now on too. ...Is that kind of like what the bond between you and Tighnari would be?"

Faruzan knows about this! "Ah, well, you see, Collei and I are connected through Tighnari by his soulmarks... so we merely have plausible reason to be friends because of that. Whereas, with you and Tighnari, you have a soul thread, which signifies more closeness than a mere mark, meaning... hm... well, keeping in mind the age and rank of all three of you... Tighnari is like someone who should see you and Collei as one unit, meaning he should treat you with the same amount of care he would treat Collei! ...But of course, Collei is quite young and Tighnari is also her healthcare provider, whereas you, Fischl, presumably need no such attention from him. So... except for that angle... his view of you ought to be directly similar to his view of Collei."

"That sounds really complicated," Collei says. "Also, we figured out that I'm fourteen years old already!"

"What?!"

The rest of the morning goes totally differently.

Faruzan heats the food back up.

They eschew the chairs and just sit on the floor and eat fried radish balls.

Collei and Fischl talk about Monstadt. Fischl talks about ruins there and how maybe Faruzan would like to be the one to make sense of them.

Faruzan talks about the Akademiya and her upcoming lectures and about the things Tighnari has helped her with and that she still owes him a soulmate hug.

Collei still cries a little bit. Faruzan gives her an embroidered pocket handkerchief on top of the other things she's sending her home with. It makes Collei really emotional in fifty million directions.

The two of them talk some about the haphephobia that they seem to share, because... Faruzan finally confesses! Fischl noticed it, apparently, and now Faruzan's owning up. Faruzan says she'll be doing something scholarly only for someone to get her attention by placing a hand on her shoulder or something similarly overwhelming and it frightens her out of her wits and she needs time to scrape herself back together. It barely takes anything to overwhelm her. It can happen with any of her senses, but touch is really the worst!

Collei gets it. Well, she knows that hers is worse than Faruzan's (Faruzan was merely deprived of touch, rather than relentlessly harmed), but like Faruzan said... what's the use in comparing their pain?

"And if either of you, or both of you, are ever back in Sumeru City to stay the night... come check if I'm in town. I've got a fold-out futon with your names on it. Save yourself some travel expenses!"

Collei and Fischl look at each other and nod. It's an offer they can get behind.

"Wow," Collei says, when they step back out into the daylight.

The past two hours are a blur. It got bad but it got really, really good suddenly.

And... it weighs on Collei's heart. All the times in the past that she'd focused on her own awkwardness and how uncomfortable Madam Faruzan made her feel... that she never considered the other side of it. How she felt. The company she craved. She basically wound up stranded in a very lonely future, with nothing except, apparently, her own soulmark on Tighnari's arm. Faruzan has been alone, and Collei could only ever think of herself.

Collei is starting to understand why she and Tighnari are important to Faruzan... and that there's more they can do for her in the future. Faruzan needs to be able to dote on Collei. Collei was wrong for denying Faruzan that for as long as she did!

"She's awesome," Fischl concurs, flicking a lock of hair away from her face.

Collei smiles, a crawly feeling spreading across her face. "Yeah. I think so too!"

Fischl cocks her eyebrow. "You were a brave soul today. Asking her that question, when everyone knows full well what you deal with."

Collei jolts. "I, uh... I can explain! I just... um... uh..."

"There's no need," Fischl says. "I don't want you to have to do anything just because I'm prone to a spot of jealousy." Fischl turns her head to the side and her voice goes really low when she admits that bit. "You did something that Faruzan needed that she hasn't had anybody around to give her."

If Collei hadn't already been flustered beyond belief today, then she'd probably be a mess at Fischl's somber admiration, but at this point it would take a lot to top what she went through in Madam Faruzan's study.

"Also," Fischl continues, "you've got a bit of a clever trick, haven't you?"

"What... do you mean?"

"I saw you hug her arms in place."

Collei lets out a strangled squeak. Fischl saw that? Was that weird or anything?

"I only point it out," Fischl says, gesturing dismissively, "because I admire your emotional intelligence. You have wit that you don't let others on to so easily, little Collei."

Collei's fingers knit together. Is... is Fischl saying she's smart? That would mean a lot to Collei, coming from Fischl...

"You're wondering when your turn is," Collei says quietly. "And why I don't just hug you in a way that you can't hug back."

"Tsk. How many times do I have to say I'm not in a hurry?" Fischl rolls her eye. "If 'never' would be too soon, big whoop. I'll live."

Well, that is a response, in a suspiciously rude tone. Collei isn't sure whether Fischl is genuinely masking something here, or if it's a weird new Fischl-getting-more-comfortable thing. Also, it's very contrarian with how Fischl interacts with the others (the daily hugs given to Razor and Benny, that Collei has to be excluded from).

Yeah, Collei is pretty sure Fischl still wants that hug. A real hug, not that sobbing one where Collei was begging Fischl not to leave Sumeru, and had no problems breaking her own comfort levels if it would just help her convince Fischl to stay in her life.

"Um... you know I'm still gonna do it eventually, right? Like, I really do wanna be able to hug you eventually?"

Fischl's hands involuntarily clench! Oh, Collei knows she's really pushing her buttons...

"I don't need anything more than what you've already given me."

"...And what's that?"

"You know. This!"

Collei has to plant her feet firmly into the pavement to keep from leaping into the air when Fischl tweaks her side a little bit.

Collei forces the nervous laugh inside of her to not make it out. "Oh yeah, right! You do have that!"

"Yes." Fischl glances away, but then veers back close to Collei's side. "Nothing's changed, right? It's not a bother?"

"If it wasn't a bother, it wouldn't be exposure therapy!"

"Yes, but... that doesn't seriously distress you? I don't need to change what I'm doing?"

"No, you're doing fine, Fischl. Don't change."

Fischl looks relieved, and then falls back into a comfortable silence.

Collei wonders what Fischl is thinking about...

Not long after, Fischl stops at some book-stall on the street because she says she's looking into something. Collei doesn't think much of it and stands outside, leaning against a wall, assuming Fischl's just looking into something for a personal interest... but then Fischl walks right back out with a new purchase in hand and flashes the title of it at Collei.

Puberty and Eleazar.

That is so, so thoughtful of her! In fact, it's the one thing that Faruzan couldn't cover and wasn't thinking that much about, but here it's at the forefront of Fischl's mind!

Collei grabs the book and holds it close.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!!"

Chapter Text

Kaveh massages his brow as he hunches over the sheet in front of him. The carefully-calculated building materials that proved only that Kaveh is bad at math after a drink or two... It's always "oh but I forgot to tally in the mortar" and then he does that (or the nails or some incidentals or the other), and it's never much on its own, but... before he knows it he's gone in the red on a project and this one isn't even done!

One hand fidgets absently with his drawing compass as he lets out a muffled sob. This project's going nowhere. But he still has to finish it... all the construction has to be completed, because he made a commitment... and then (even after getting paid) he'll be poorer from it.

That's his best-case scenario. His worst-case scenario is... going to be very bad. He might just screw himself down to rock-bottom on this one.

He has one safety net, however. Kaveh knows that. It is a safety net he fears more than anything: the loss of yet more of his soul to that scalping, scheming upper-crust one-percenter Lord Sangemah Bay who is hellbent on leeching every single possible drop of blood off of any poor fool who gets caught under her thumb the way Kaveh has been for a few years now. Kaveh's already built HIS masterwork FOR HER and she owns that grand design of his (his heart and soul!) for her own tyrannical self, as nothing more than an exorbitant home (oh how Kaveh wishes he could freely stroll the inside passages of his greatest creation, the Palace of Alcazarzaray; at least he usually gets to go back when Dori needs more work from him) but nothing ever is enough for her. She's always toying with him and dangling things in front of him and giving him a way to have HIS wishes at a sinister cost!

The cost is debt. More debt. Always, always more debt. The only way it could possibly be worse with Dori would be if they were shackled by a soulmate bond, but thankfully, to the best of Kaveh's knowledge, none exists between them. He isn't even linked to Dori in a secondhand or thirdhand way. In fact, who would even be the her soulmate, when Kaveh comes to think about it? Kaveh shudders to think of the person fated to such a thing!

It's no matter. He doesn't know how much of himself is going to be left to sacrifice to her when the inevitable happens, frankly. He already is living on a shoestring budget involving the cheapest booze and most threadbare of once-precious clothing (even though Kaveh has a reputation for using superior materials in his livelihood). He was rescued off the street by his sworn frenemy-nemesis Alhaitham (who did so for who-knows-what-reason; the only explanation present is the soulmate obligation), but Kaveh gets burdened by his cooking and laundry a bit much some days and it pisses him off.

And now there's this that has been happening a bit too frequently for his liking: the projects that refuse to break even.

Well, there's only one solution left for this kind of terrible month. He only hopes they haven't run dry...

Kaveh reaches for the corkscrew, and staggers to a certain cabinet.

"Daydrinking again?”

Drat!

Kaveh pauses mid-swig. He didn't even hear that bastard come in! His face contorts into a total scowl as he puts the wine bottle out in front of him. "Don't come near me!"

Alhaitham is unshaken. He just stands there blandly, in his work uniform, but with his headphones lowered from his ears for once (how Kaveh knows he means business).

Alhaitham slowly advances towards Kaveh.

Shit shit shit! Kaveh is cornered in the kitchen, close to the sink. He needs to make the most of this while he can! He purses his lips to the bottle opening and starts guzzling as fast as possible. He knows that wretched Alhaitham is about to cut him off!

"I know you've already had several. I need to give you credit; you've become a master at holding your liquor, as well as timing your binges in a non-concerning way. However, you’ve still obviously had so much that you’re way past the safe limit, which is why you probably haven't noticed."

Kaveh wasn't going to let anything (anything! not even fate!) come between himself and his last gulps of alcohol before Alhaitham can put a stop to this, but the abrupt ending to the monologue forces Kaveh to pause and sneer with a sense of incredulity. "Noticed what, ‘Haitham?"

Before Alhaitham can answer, Kaveh lets out a loud, gross hiccup. Alhaitham is unperturbed.

"The bait and switch," Alhaitham explains. "You haven't even realized what it is you're drinking at this moment. And you haven't stopped to appreciate its aroma, which is a perfect shame, but that's neither here nor there."

"What are you talking about?" Kaveh drawls. "This is... some fine craft out of Monstadt's... great wine industry... unless… unless..."

Kaveh reels, jerking upright from his stooping position and scrutinizing the label of the wine. He can't read it, because his vision's already blurring. Darn.

Whatever. "Are you telling me this isn't the good stuff?! This is, what, some low-alcohol light wine?!?"

"No, not even. You are currently consuming 'Calico Sips,' an alcohol-free wine innovated in Monstadt, by a bartender who has a vested interest in creating more alternatives to drinking in the great nation of booze itself. I've been carefully switching out some drinks in the cupboard and offloading your personal purchases to a third party, but it seems you’ve gotten enough past me to have a life-threatening bender.”

"Wha... whatever," Kaveh says, suddenly uninterested in the sweet wine that he only just now realizes was doing absolutely nothing for him. He's wasted, but not nearly wasted enough to completely forget the things he was trying to distance him from today. Also, tomorrow's hangover is barely a glimmer in the eye of a drunken tonight, so it’s not like there’s negative consequences anyways if he just keeps drinking.

He scrambles back to the cupboard and grabs something that he knows is strong, that Alhaitham can't possibly have switched out already.

Kaveh barely has it uncapped before Alhaitham has taken it from him and letting it all gush out into the sink.

"NO!" Kaveh yells, clawing at Alhaitham for the bottle. "HAITHAM, DON'T DO THIS TO ME!"

Alhaitham says nothing.

Grr! "Alhaitham, why are you even here?! It's the middle of the day-"

"Call it a gut feeling, or maybe I picked up the signs. I took off of work to come back here. What do I find but drawn blinds and a dangerously-intoxicated tenant?"

"NO! NO, NO, NO, YOU RUIN EVERYTHING! PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T CUT ME OFF! I NEED IT TODAY, OF ALL DAYS!"

"No. You have too many bad days for that excuse. Now, come on. Get away from the booze cabinet."

Having finished emptying the drink, Alhaitham now hooks his arms under Kaveh's from behind him, and drags him out of the kitchen.

Kaveh fights back, doing everything he can to lurch out of his roommate's hold on him. They're both grown men, and Kaveh can put up a fight. They should be equally matched!

Well, okay, "should be" is far from reality. Alhaitham lifts enough to have significantly better muscle strength. Kaveh’s attempts at resistance prove useless.

"We're going on a little walk," Alhaitham says menacingly.

"You're not... getting away with... with this!" Kaveh blurts. "You'll never... take me a... alive!"

"Pale skin, low body temperature, and slow breathing. This is more than drunk. If you value your life, you WILL cooperate with me."

"What are you doing?" Kaveh whispers, suddenly going numb as Alhaitham repositions one arm to be across Kaveh's clavicle, further restraining his movements. He realizes that everything around him suddenly feels like ice. And, furthermore, he has the irrationally-rational thought that he would be in a very horrible situation if Alhaitham wasn't here right now. "...Haitham?"

"Are you playing possum or is some sense crawling into you?" Alhaitham asks. "Are you ready to do as I say?"

Kaveh whimpers. He no longer understands rational thought in any direction but he feels totally deathly afraid. Like some specter of death itself is hovering just behind the two of them.

Something slips. A muscle set gives way. Kaveh is about to see only the ground, until Alhaitham catches him.

"One step after another. With me."

"Okay," Kaveh says.

Kaveh has the headache-amplifying realization that Alhaitham is walking him to the bathroom.

"Why?" Kaveh asks. "What are... what are you... you doing with me?"

"Keeping today from killing you."

Those are scary words. Is Alhaitham implying Kaveh would die without him?! How dare he!

(Alhaitham is probably right, however.)

Kaveh impulsively makes one last struggle to try and get out of Alhaitham's hold as they are about to cross into the bathroom. He’s able to catch him off-guard, but he doesn’t get far. His payback? an overpowering shove that not only gets him inside, but throws him down onto a bathmat.

Alhaitham slams the bathroom deadbolt shut. If Kaveh wanted to undo THAT, he'd have to get himself completely upright. Not going to happen.

Kaveh knows it's over now. The worst is about to happen.

"No," Kaveh says, as his eyes prickle up with tears. "No. What are you doing to me?"

Alhaitham rummages through a cabinet above the bathroom sink.

"Please, Haitham, you're... you're gonna be the death of me."

"No, I don't think so." Alhaitham at last has whatever it is he was looking for. He has some flakes of something, that he's dissolving in a cup of water? What is he doing? He’s not giving Kaveh more to drink, that much is certain...

"You're gonna poison me! I'm gonna die!" Kaveh cries, clinging to Alhaitham's leg and clawing his way halfway up, letting out sobs and hiccups, and feeling the sweat and tears on his own face accumulate.

“You’re having one last drink for now.” Alhaitham finally kneels down to Kaveh's level, meeting him with a sharp and serious glare. "It’s medicine, from Tighnari.”

"Tighnari?!"

"Yes, Kaveh. Tighnari knows all of this. He's given me instructions. He's stocked our medicine cabinet. And he's taught me how to react to the worst-case scenario... something you normally shouldn't do, except as a very last resort."

"Which is?!"

"Quite obviously," Alhaitham says, as he grabs Kaveh's jaw, "what I'm doing right now."

Kaveh has felt shame many times in his life.

Debt. Brief homelessness. Times he's begged Dori for mercy. Times he's begged Alhaitham for basic human kindness and understanding. Drunkenness and irate clients and not being his best self in public. He has many, many things to be embarrassed about doing.

But, Kaveh decides now that this is his point of greatest humiliation, that he cannot come back from: having some foul-tasting herbal tonic poured down his throat, and then Alhaitham forcibly positioning him to hunch over the toilet and vomit for torturously-long seconds. Alhaitham's grip on Kaveh is so tight that it's painful, and Kaveh is not able to make a single movement to reclaim any of his composure or dignity.

Alhaitham holds him like that until it's abundantly clear that Kaveh has emptied his stomach completely.

Oh gods, Kaveh feels like shit. Physically, that is. Physically, he can't decide what's worse between the fire in his throat and the pathetic tears rolling down his face nonstop and the weakness in the entire rest of his body.

Mentally? There's just a big blank as to what emotion he should be feeling right now.

Alhaitham flushes the toilet, wipes down Kaveh's face (taking off some makeup as he does so; why did Kaveh even wear makeup today to begin with, if everything was going to go to shit so fast?), and helps Kaveh upright.

Kaveh hates this. But he's too tired now to waste further frustration on Alhaitham. Alhaitham is just impossible, and Kaveh can’t stand being shackled to him. Even if it’s better than ending up with Dori would have been.

Kaveh's head slumps on top of Alhaitham's shoulder.

"I hate you," he says feebly, to this deplorable man: the soulmate he met first, and the person that the two of them share two other marks with. (Well, PRESUMABLY share. Alhaitham is the one member of the little group who hasn’t shown off his soulmark arm. Why so cagey?! It drives Kaveh crazy thinking he’s hiding something! Who else was that bastard lucky enough to nab, Kaveh wonders?)

Alhaitham doesn’t really respond to that one anymore.

Then Kaveh just starts sobbing and crying.

"We used to be friends," Kaveh weeps, clutching Alhaitham’s shoulderblade. “Best friends.”

All Kaveh feels next is one heavy, reassuring hand slowly patting his back and relaxing some of the angst out of him as he starts suddenly feeling a little bit more normal, and a little bit of the alcohol haze begins to float away.

"What are you going to do with me now?" Kaveh asks, when he willingly (shamefully) lets Alhaitham support him and take him back into their general living area. Kaveh is still weak and drunken, but there's a little bit of clarity creeping in. He doesn't like handing this much control over to Alhaitham about anything, but...

Yikes.

Oh, Archons damn it all, Kaveh realizes that he now owes Alhaitham his very mortal life. Officially. That's the last thing that Kaveh had ever wanted to owe anybody, let alone Alhaitham! Kaveh is never coming back from this!

Alhaitham, as always, looks sober and composed about everything. Damn him for always understanding what to do and where to be! Damn him for taking off work just to come see if Kaveh was having a crisis! Argh!

Kaveh's former best friend takes a swig of coffee (Kaveh weeps and begs Alhaitham to share, but Alhaitham forces Kaveh to have nothing but water) and says, "As soon as you are well enough to travel, your current jobs will be frozen. It is illegal in Sumeru for clients to come after you and threaten legal action while a contractor, etcetera is entrenched in a medical emergency. Your rehabilitation will be managed personally by Tighnari.”

Kaveh kneels and lets the dread settle over him.

Curse that Tighnari. It’s not like Kaveh despises him like he does Alhaitham, but Kaveh know that Tighnari will force Kaveh to get clean and stay that way, and there’s no way to win against him. Kaveh won’t be able to get even a single drop of alcohol back in his system under Tighnari’s care. Tighnari is just way too keen! He’s got some young apprentice now, right? That’s probably yet another reason there won’t be alcohol within miles of Gandharva Ville!

Deplorable.

Damn that wily fox!

Kaveh whimpers, “can I at least change into one of my tacky floral shirts before we go?”

Alhaitham says sure.

Chapter Text

The walk home feels longer than the journey there. Collei finds herself hugging her arms and glancing away frequently, just thinking about all the new info. As in, not just her emotional moment with Madam Faruzan (and feeling bad for all the time that she didn't realize she and Faruzan were the same and should really just be friends) but all the... interesting... things that Faruzan had to tell her about.

Collei didn't like having to sit through that, at the time. But now it feels like the "facts of life" are settling in where they should. It's weird and gross and Collei wants no part of it personally, but she realizes now that... well, she doesn't mind just knowing.

Fischl, for her part, is walking while reading that book that Faruzan gifted Collei. Collei feels the flush of embarrassment creeping across her face.

"This is a good pick," Fischl says, clapping it shut to hand it back to Collei. "Straightforward, but left nothing out. Nothing pertinent, anyhow."

"Like... what do you mean?"

“I am saying , that it is merely a good thing that it is full of facts, one way or another, and not…”

Fischl grimaces.

“There is no nonsense about storks,” Oz finishes for her.

“Yes. Correct. Nonsense about storks.”

"Storks? I'm not even going to ask..."

"Mein Fraulein is also reflecting," says Oz, perched on Collei's shoulder (he's got big talons but he seems able to ride without hurting Collei), "on further past absurdity that she has witnessed."

Fischl sticks out her tongue and rolls her eye. "Blech. Don't remind me!"

"Mein Fraulein's own book of the sort had extensive sections on dating, as well as beauty rituals that had nothing to do with the supposed subject at hand. Rules full of "thou shalt" and "thou shalt not." Mein Fraulein adores makeup on occasion, but she could not decipher why it was even remotely pertinent to a girl turning twelve who only wanted to understand the things that were happening to her body."

"Oz!" Fischl scolds. "TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!"

Collei is tempted to laugh, but instead just looks down at the two books she now has: the one from Faruzan, and the one Fischl found for her.

Maybe it really is a good thing that she has both of them to guide her through this...

It may have only been a day, but Collei misses everyone a whole lot!

Tighnari greets them first. "Collei! You're home! It's good to see you too, Fischl."

Fischl barely has time to wave before she gets tackled to the ground by Razor and Bennett hugging her.

Dang. Fischl is laughing and hugging them back and when they pull away they're still holding her by the hands. And it isn't even long before she squeezes each one of them into a headlock. And they laugh and shove at her even after that.

Collei's face sizzles with jealousy. She wants that thing that Fischl's doing. But she can't have that, and it hurts her.

Both of the boys look very apologetic, still grinning but clearly awkward at having to exclude her. Razor bows his head, whereas Bennett scratches at the back of his neck. Collei feels bad; she doesn't want them to feel like they need to hold back.

Well, at least there's one person she's not scared of hugging!

She goes right up to Master Tighnari and wraps her arms around him. Her face winds up planted in his chest (height difference). Warm. And he smells like all the herbs in his tail oil. And he doesn't return the hug, but he gives her a happy little hair-tousle, which makes her feel giddy and glowy. She likes that.

After Tighnari releases Collei, Collei is startled out of the way by Fischl suddenly striding right up really close to Tighnari.

"You!" Fischl blurts. "You set us up!"

"What, with... with Layla? I assumed everything would go fine."

"It did. Layla is awesome." Fischl crosses her arms. "I am referring to Madam Faruzan!"

"Madam Faru... oh."

"You set this absolute child -- my soulmate -- up for a mortifying ordeal--"

Tighnari is red in the face. Life drains from his eyes as his brain catches up with what Collei and Fischl must have gone through.

"...And that woman is awesome too and everything about that was a good idea, but this child was not mentally prepared!"

"I'm not a child," Collei says in a mildly-irritated huff.

"No forewarning, no word at least to me of what to expect when she found us--"

"I... hoped her wild goose chase would at least last a little longer?"

Tighnari is clearly nervous, and not just at Fischl's anger. There's a troubled blush creeping in to his face that is normally so neutral. His tail curls to one side, not able to fall still, it seems.

"You hoped? Well, thanks for the heads-up! I hope Collei has a very normal afternoon, after what this morning turned out to be!"

"Fischl," Razor begs, "why anger? Razor very confused."

Fischl realizes who else she's in front of.

"Oh. Yes. Please, nobody be alarmed, dearest members of mine entourage. I am not truly upset with you, Sir Tighnari. Please rest assured. Also, Layla sends her regards, and Faruzan has my utmost respect. Sincerely, I am pleased to make so many important acquiantances during my time in Sumeru. I just... had a little something to get out of my system."

Fischl smacks Tighnari in the forearm. NOT enough to hurt, mind you, but enough to startle him a little; make him feel caught off-guard. (He needs a little tiny taste of his own medicine. Not much. Just a teeeeensy bit.) Tighnari grimaces and rubs at the spot.

"And, here's the envelope from Layla. You're welcome."

Fischl then makes sure the conversation moves on before Bennett and Razor have time to question exactly what they talked about with this "Faruzan."

Collei sits with the others at the edge of a platform, as they sit cross-legged and eat lunch. Healthy grains, vegetables...

"And then Razor and I went to see if we could fish, but Razor accidentally tumbled in and startled them all away... and then there were was this really strong-looking blonde-haired girl who didn't look like she was around here, and she even had this floating fairy thing with her, and I wondered what that was about but she didn't even notice us and went by too fast for us to ask them about anything..."

As Bennett is telling the story, he pauses as Tighnari approaches their group, in case Tighnari has something to tell them (especially after getting chastised by Fischl earlier).

But all he does is drop a cut of juicy-looking red meat in Collei's dish, give her an encouraging flick of his tail, and then keep walking.

The boys both lean in for a second, both eyeballing it but not going to even try bartering for something that was just given to Collei specially. Fischl herself, not sharing quite the same envy, just glances at Collei with one brow raised.

Collei laughs nervously. "Um... that's... uh, I don't know what that's about?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Fischl serenely peppers her own dish more, with seasoning from some shaker she'd kept stashed in some really deep hidden pocket (how many pockets does her clothing have??). "He's trying to subtly encourage you."

"To what?"

"He thinks you need to indulge more, since you're growing." Fischl nudges Collei with her elbow. "Times aren't lean, and you should eat better than whatever you got used to. Eat up."

Master Tighnari looks sympathetic as Collei recaps some of the things Layla talked to her and Fischl personally about. He even admits that there's some things he didn't know much about, as a person who hasn't been in the same position himself of having to fear getting too close to a thread soulmate... he seems sympathetic, though. He gets why Collei would be so sad that she can't be around Fischl all the time!

Later, she's talking to Fischl about a patrol she's taking without her.

"So, wait, I have an idea... you could send Oz with me! Then it could be like--"

"No, not going to work." Fischl cups Oz's head with her hand; he leans into it. Even though one of them's a bird, their facial expressions look darn near identical, sometimes. "If Oz was with you, it may as well not be a tolerance break at all."

"Drat! Then, nothing..."

"Razor, Bennett? Come here. The little ranger desires knights to adventure alongside her."

"Wait, what? I get both of them?"

"Of course you do, any time you want. They are the bestest of friends to stave off loneliness." Fischl places her hands on her hips, leans down over Collei, and smirks. "Even in times that I cannot accompany thee, they shall prevent boredom or harm from ever befalling my sister of fate!"

Collei is hiking up a steep hill with Bennett and Razor on their patrol route.

She's really happy they're coming with her! Fischl is great, but she missed the boys while in Sumeru City. Razor is a little shy, but really just playful and wild, even. She likes hearing about how he was raised by wolves, because... Collei thinks it would have been really nice! Much better than wandering the wilderness alone.

Although, she knows there's a sad end to it: Razor has let her look at the large pawprint soulmarks across the entirety of both his arms, and every last one of them is faded to the dull color of dead soulmarks. Collei wants to give him all of the hugs.

As for Bennett... he's strong and tough and nothing ever seems to get him down. Sometimes he talks as though his curse is really terrible, but every bruise or tear he gets just seems to be a minor inconvenience. Disaster follows him everywhere, but his disposition is unfailingly sunny. And, he seems really dependable and like he's always watching out for whatever's ahead! Collei likes that feeling.

(It would have been really nice to grow up around him in particular, Collei thinks. He's kind of like a brother to her.)

Collei decides to hunt some game while they're out on forest patrol. She spies a good fowl for eating, pulls back her bowstring, and aims...

"Collei! Wait! Don't shoot bird!"

"Razor! What's up? Why not?"

"We... no eat bird meat!"

"...Um... at all?"

Collei feels a little frustrated. Come on, she needs to bring back some meat sometimes! Especially if Master just hinted to her that she needs to bulk up!

"Razor's right! Collei, if you're close to Fischl, you can't eat bird meat! Think about it!"

Oh.

Hm, yeah, Collei thinks she can give up white meat. There's still other things to hunt. She'll be fine.

"How are you doing?" Bennett asks. Collei had walked ahead some but Bennett catches up fast. Everyone is taller than her!

"Um, I'm... good? I'm not having a flareup or anything today."

"No, I mean... how are you doing away from Fischl?"

That's a complicated question. Collei sighs and tilts her head towards the sky. Oh bother...

"Is it bad if I say it feels good, kinda? I mean, we spend so much time together that... it's like being outdoors after being inside too long and I can finally breathe, and remember who I was before I even met Fischl."

Those two boys don't know enough about Collei's past that they would understand why Collei specifically hates being trapped inside. But, they both nod. They're the type of people who relate to it anyways.

"Razor not have same problem," Razor says. "But Razor not tied to anyone. Would prefer living soulmarks, to soul thread."

"You two are free to basically act like soulmates without actually having the obligation of it," Collei says.

Bennett scratches at the back of his head. "Razor does kind of run off a lot, but I sort of just figure he'll be fine, even though it might look like I'm stressing out about it. I go after him if he's ever gone for very long, but I don't think I worry about him the way Fischl cares about you. ...No offense."

"None taken," Razor says. "I need go investigate smell!"

"What? Um... okay..."

"Tell us if it's anything out of the ordinary!" Collei says.

When they're alone, Bennett sits down on a nearby bench and hangs his head. He's been thinking about this for a little while and it's starting to feel like Collei doesn't know yet. Especially if she went on a daytrip with Fischl and back and doesn't really seem to know much more about her than she did before...

"Hey, um..." Collei sits down next to Bennett. "If we're resting, is it okay if I lean on your shoulder? Nothing weird or anything, I just-- I'm trying to do better about taking a load off when I can."

Collei has that illness or something, right? Is it bad right now?

"If you're not feeling well, we can turn back," Bennett says quickly.

"No, it's not that, actually." Collei exhales, leaning sideways against Bennett; Bennett accepts the weight of her body. (It isn't much.) "I'm... trying to do things like this, before there's any desperate need for them. I think it would help prevent me from bad situations.."

"Oh. That's a great idea!"

"So, then," Collei says, her voice sounding meek. "What's up with you?"

"I want to say that... I don't really worry about Razor, at least, not as you'd think from all my fretting. Razor's always good at just showing up again." Bennett absently picks at a paste-on bandage, over some cut that doesn't hurt anymore. "But... I do worry about Fischl."

"Fischl? Why? She's the strongest one of us! Nothing bad could ever happen to her!"

"Has she told you anything about... the time when she was gone, for like an entire year?"

Collei blinks.

"No," she says. "Keep going."

A whole year? Gone from her friends? This is the first Collei has heard of it.

She wants to hear where this goes.

Bennett keeps his head lowered as the leaves rustle and Razor's distant yapping reaches him on the wind. Collei, beside him, pulls her feet up and holds her plushie on her lap.

"It was when she had been fourteen for awhile, until after she'd turned fifteen," Bennett says. "She just vanished one day. Other people assumed it was just a big extended commission or something, because she doesn't always tell people stuff, but... I thought it was weird, once she was gone for a month, because... from past experience, she'd spend a little more time with me and Razor and probably even just tell us if she was gonna be gone for more than a week, even. And then, before I knew it, she was gone longer than she'd ever been before."

Heavy memories. Times he'd had Razor's body leaned against his, as they sat in front of a campfire... times he'd laughed with both his best friends who were just as lonely as he was (Bennett's misfortune, Razor's grief, Fischl's deep longing for the person she hadn't met), and then next it was the time he only had Razor to sit with in front of the fire, and talked about where Fischl might be and should they search for her.

The only thing they didn't ever do was, they never said "die." Other than that, though, they wondered on and on, and worried over how lost she may have been.

"Razor and I agreed... there was only one thing it really made sense for her to be doing."

"Which was?"

"Looking for you."

Collei's hands grip her plushie tighter. The fabric visibly wrinkles. Bennett understands why it looks like it's been patched up before; it's not just a weapon in tandem with her Vision, but something that withstands emotion-induced wear and tear from her as well.

"She didn't ever come here," Collei says. "There's no way. She wouldn't have been able to come see me. At least, not back when I was that young... Wait. Unless... Wait, do you think that's really what she was doing?! Do you think she was here, um... elsewhere in Sumeru?"

Bennett wants to reach out to Collei, but it's obviously a bad idea. He just pulls a knee up and hugs it instead. "The second we actually met you, we thought maybe not... but if we're doing timelines... how long have you been with Mr. Tighnari?"

"Only a little more than a year."

"So... if Fischl had been looking for you significantly earlier than that..."

"I don't really have a good timeline on all this, but there was a period where I was just wandering all alone and was in a really bad place mentally. I don't think I would have wanted to meet her. And, um, and if you go back sooner than that... that would be so much worse. Fischl would have been screwed. There would have been no point."

"Um... what if... what if she had tried to see you anyways?"

"She wouldn't have been able to do it. I was in a really tightly-guarded place in the desert. I'm pretty sure the Fatui would have just killed Fischl if she tried too hard to get to me."

"Oh, um... I won't press. If that's scary to talk about."

"It's okay. It's relevant. Anyways, keep talking. I need to know this stuff. What happened when Fischl came back?"

"Fischl never told us anything. She... she went into her Fischl-speak and just made it sound like it was some long, lonely journey to cleanse her mind or something, but we couldn't make heads or tails of it. That's my best guess, at least. Not even Oz was translating it."

Collei is wordless.

"Do you still think she might have tried to go find you?"

"Maybe she did. If so, I'm glad she made the right decision... it sounds like she saw the place, realized she had to give up, and turned around. Live to fight another day. Still..." Collei's head relaxes against Bennett's shoulder. "That has to mess somebody up. If you find your soulmate and learn that she's in a bad place, but your best option is to just... leave and come back later. She had to live with that. I really don't envy her."

Bennett closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. When he first met Collei... he'd really been starting to think again that maybe Fischl really did just go on a long sabbatical for whatever reason, and it wasn't to find Collei, and she just didn't want to talk about it... but now he's starting to think again that Fischl did get into trouble to find Collei, or at least get close to trouble! It's the kind of thing Fischl would do for the person she cares most about.

"Anyways," Bennett says, looking down. "Um... do you think there's some way you can find out for sure from her?"

Collei blinks. Her eyes look so big... so young. She's just a little kid on the inside. At least, that's how Benny can't help but see her.

"I'm her soulmate, so... maybe she'll tell me?"

"That, or... find out some other way. Indirectly. Maybe Oz would open up for you."

Bennett has guesses now as to Collei's past. If Collei was with the Fatui, then she probably was a child soldier or something like that. And then whenever she got that disease she apparently has, maybe she wasn't useful to them anymore so they just let her go. Or she escaped. Either way, she somehow wound up with Tighnari. Tighnari must have started curing the disease, and she isn't cured yet, but now she's well enough that she can at least do her forest ranger stuff. That means she's made a lot of progress and she'll be better eventually.

Bennett hopes so. Collei really looks like she's healing from the brunt of her problems. She and Fischl won't have such a big divide between them forever... especially not if the gang can finally find out the truth.

"Razor back! ...What friends talking about?"

"Razor..."

"Collei and I were just discussing-- about Fischl. I told her about when Fischl went missing."

Razor's enthusiastic expression vanishes. He sits down on the ground.

"Fischl was not same for very long time. Razor and Benny start going with her more. Then, we go with her here. We not let her go danger alone."

Collei looks like she takes a very deep breath. Bennett guesses she's swallowing back some tears...

"Did you find anything of interest?" Bennett asks.

"Hilichurls setting up not far from road. Can Collei look? See if too close."

Collei nods. "We should probably drive them back."

Bennett and Razor exchange a glance, and then Bennett says to the somber Collei, "Hey. Are you going to feel up to it?"

"Yeah, yeah. The physical activity will pull me out of it. I promise!"

Collei enjoys the next feeling that comes over her.

Fighting with Razor and Bennett makes her feel stronger and very safe. The boys are fine with her taking higher ground and landing in shots from above; then Razor can race in and beat down one of the hilichurls with his lightning claws or big sword, and he even does most of the damage on a big lawachurl (with the help of the dendro effects from Collei's Vision, which is rather ecstatic and full of energy today). Bennett seems to put himself last and slip in afterwards, but it leads to him finishing off stragglers and making sure nothing can sneak up on Collei or Razor. He also kept close to Collei when she was giving the cover fire for Razor.

Collei theoretically could have done this task all by herself. But it would have taken ages, and she'd have to be very careful about not getting injured in the process. This was much easier.

(If Fischl was there as well, it would have been over too fast to have been any fun.)

Bennett slaps down a large circle that glows crimson from his pyro Vision (Collei briefly remembers something Fischl said yesterday, incidentally). But Collei's battle-related fatigue and scrapes (got hit by one stray arrow) suddenly start lifting away! Wow, that's incredible!

On Razor it's more visible. He got some gashes, but Collei sees now why he can afford to be so reckless on the battlefield. His skin is knitting right back together! He basks in it and looks to have a glow of his own. These two are BOTH good allies to have!

Collei pants. "Wow! That was cool! Both of you!"

"Yeah? You're an awesome sniper, Collei."

"Collei fantastic! Make big fight way easier."

Collei giggles. She feels good enough right now that her pang of jealousy when Benny and Razor jostle each other's shoulders together is somewhat muted. It's still jealousy, but she feels happy inside!

Bennett catches the look in her eye. He looks to Razor and then to Collei.

"Fist bump?" Bennett asks tentatively, holding out a rigid fist.

Oh! That's new! New and not scary!

Collei waveringly, gently taps her own small fist to Bennett's, and then to Razor's.

Another success. Her friends are all learning to meet her where she is.

"Hey, Collei," Bennett says, with concern suddenly in his voice. "Your, uh, bandages are coming undone."

Collei chose to go without arm covers today. She decided to work up the bravery. (And it's only her regular forest route, anyhow. Not a big social thing.) But it looks like her bandages weren't wrapped as thoroughly as they could have been... And she really needs to cover up the salve that was applied a little while ago. This could be problematic.

Razor, next to her, is eyeing her scales that can now be glimpsed. Collei blushes to be stared at, but isn't herself upset at Razor. He can't help it (Collei herself sometimes stares at Razor's scars). And... well, this morning she did explain her condition to them both a bit more, because they knew there was something but didn't know what. And she's trying not to be that reserved about other people seeing her scales! They're her best friends, anyways, and she can trust them!

A little shudder goes up Collei's spine. She doesn't have the reach or dexterity to fix those bandages on her own... it's a two-handed job.

"Benny, you're... good with bandages, right?" Collei asks. She gets her salve and bandage paste out of a belt pouch. "Could you... um... fix it for me?"

Bennett's hands raise into the air. He glances from one direction to the other.

"Collei... Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I think that's my best bet."

"Um... but you're so scared! It'll be rough for you!"

"Scared? I'm gonna be brave! Watch me!"

"If you insist..."

Collei squirms and swats Bennett away from her. A laugh gets out that she couldn't stifle in time.

"Woah," Benny says, stepping away. "You sure you're ready for this?"

"Yeah! I'm sure! You're not a stranger anymore and I'm trying really hard to get acclimated to touch! Do it again!"

"Well, okay. But try to stay still this time!"

Second time is worse.

Bennett and Razor just exchange a meaningful glance.

"Wow, Collei," Bennett says. "Does Fischl know you're that sensitive?"

Collei anxious-laughs. "What are you talking about? Fischl doesn't know that-- I mean, um, there's nothing going on! Haha!"

Razor eyes Collei suspiciously. "Collei really only scared of touch... because ticklish?"

"AAAAAH! No, I'm not ticklish! What are you talking about?! You're making stuff up! Haha!"

Bennett just folds his arms with a knowing (but sympathetic) head tilt.

Collei realizes her hands are out at arms' length and she's put a big step of distance between herself and the boys. She overreacted and now everything is burningly obvious.

Collei covers her mouth.

Bennett turns away from her. "She's not scared of touch just because she's ticklish. Right, Collei?"

"Oh my gosh," Collei squeaks. Good grief, she's about to get embarrassed explaining this. "I mean-- um-- it's the other way around? I'm like, crazy hyper sensitive... because of all the ways I was badly touched? Master says it's a survival instinct for me and it's all normal considering how weird the things I went through are, and... um... then I went and avoided touch for a really long time, so that made everything worse. And now, any kind of touch that isn't a bad touch, that I maybe even actually want... um..."

There's a brief, unexpected flashback that runs through her head: too much touch and being pinned down and her back being groped by huge firm hands (disgusting). She shakes her head quickly, trying to dismiss it.

"Wait, wait. Did it... not actually make you scared scared, when I touched you? And instead it just... y'know? Tickled?"

Collei's heartbeat jitters faster. "Oh gosh! Um, maybe? Maybe I'm getting a little better with being touched? But getting over my fear does nothing for how bad it tickles! In fact, it just makes everything more sensitive!"

"How'd you get better about it so fast? Is it something to do with Fischl? You two were only gone for, like, a day..."

Collei's fingers all knit together. She side-steps away from the boys, laughing nervously as she continues to admit stuff.

It's not that it's shameful (not like her actual dark secrets), but it's embarrassing! Really badly embarrassing! All of this! Her sense of touch is so weird and she can't be normal about anything, because everything is sooo screwy and hard to get un-screwed! She gets better about not being scared of touch when Master changes her bandages? Boom, it just makes her laugh instead. A friend's hand brushing her own? Jitters and she feels all weird and shivery in her spine! In fact, she doesn't know how she HAS managed to keep it contained around Fischl, when Fischl's been...

Um...

...poking her, basically that entire time they were on the trip...

"Keep what contained?! Hahaha!"

"You... okay, Collei?"

"Um. I'm fine. I'm normal! Yeah! In fact. Um. This is what's happened." Collei frantically waves her hands around. "Fischl started this experiment--"

'Experiment' would be a poor choice of words if anybody else said it, but Collei did it to herself, so, it's kind of just whatever--

"--where she's started gradually getting me used to being touched just a little bit -- I asked her to do something because I want to get rid of the phobia-- and I think it's working! Really working!"

"Wait, but if you get rid of the phobia, then isn't all that's left just how ticklish you are? So won't you have to get used to all the touch making you laugh and stuff instead?"

Oh gosh darn he's right. Collei's building herself a future grave here. But, well, whatever! Anything's better than the haphephobia being as bad as it is! She'll just have to deal with that future problem when she gets there!

Collei hides her face behind her arms. As she does so, she notices that her bandages are coming even more unraveled. Oops!

"I think I'd rather just have to manage being ticklish. Right now, if I bump into somebody unexpectedly, my chest seizes up with how scared I am. It's that bad. And I want to be able to hug my friends and stuff too!"

"But you know Fischl would never pressure you about that, right? She's helping you because you want her to, but you're not pressuring yourself, are you?"

"You don't get it! I really want to be hugged, because I love all my friends! But I can't have the hugs! It's just... agh! It's really complicated!"

"So... how cure fear?" Razor asks, still wary.

"I just... keep letting Fischl do the thing where she pokes me at random and I have to get used to it. I keep jumping out of my skin, but it's getting to where it's not terrifying, haha!"

Bennett narrows his eyes, and Collei remembers that he did witness something that Fischl was doing earlier, when Collei was trying to sort through some belongings and Fischl kept distracting her with pokes. But he hadn't said anything about it at the time...

"Wait a minute!" Bennett yelps. He and Razor grab onto each other.

"Fischl knows! She totally knows! Collei, your days are numbered!!"

"Wait, wait, what? What does she know?"

The boys exchange yet another glance.

"Um," Collei squeaks.

Is she going to like where this goes?

"Fischl absolutely, definitely has figured out you're deathly ticklish. She can tell. Trust us!"

"How do you know that?! Benny, tell me!"

"No! I'm not telling-- AGH! Haha! Razor!"

Bennett clutches his just-pinched side. Razor backs away guiltily.

Well shoot.

Collei blushes from secondhand embarrassment and flips her hood up over her face. This is getting soooooooo difficult. They're having to talk about all the cringey stuff Collei is trying to hide from Fischl (because she doesn't think she could show her face if Fischl knew all about the more trivial ones of Collei's insecurities), and here the boys are telling her, flat-out, that Fischl just already knows all about it? That's the literal nightmare scenario...

"Fate is maniac," Razor says. "Fischl like scary big sister. And person she gets paired with... like timid little sister with crazy keen senses. Perfect victim."

"Victim?!" Collei stammers. "Don't tell me that kind of thing!"

"Victim in good way," Razor says succinctly. "Fischl not harmful. Fischl love Collei very much."

Bennett nods. "She's not going to do anything bad. Just... if you want her to back off a little and not do that on purpose, you're probably going to have to just admit to her you're ticklish. Sorry. I just think that's the current situation."

Collei groans loudly. Her hood was already raised... if only she could somehow recede inside herself even more. This reality is terrible! Either start inexplicably avoiding Fischl's touch, or admit the thing she's Never Going To Admit (that supposedly Fischl already knows?! As if! Collei has NOT let that slip! And she's not going to!) or...

...well, Collei could always just continue to put up with it, considering that she's started slightly enjoying being poked, and it's been increasingly non-triggering and helpful to her. She could go with that.

And the only cost is... keeping a lid on her own reactions, when Fischl strikes a weak spot (which is totally by accident and NOT because Fischl has any suspicion about anything; the boys are extremely incorrect about what Fischl could have figured out without Collei saying anything).

Collei will go with that option. All she has to do is stay strong, and keep the act up forever of not being that sensitive. Small price to pay for not opening up about secrets!

"...Collei? Razor have other thought."

"Hm?"

"Your sharp senses... important and useful. Crazy sensitive sense of touch... must have kept Collei alive through many unique and bad danger." Razor scratches at his own cheek a little. "Razor have something like that for sense of smell. But not all danger have smell. Collei probably able to sense faster, if something is wrong?"

Collei feels the expression slip off of her face. That... that's a first. Well, Master has put it that way, too... but she never thought of it as something that others would really admire, rather than just a weird consolation prize.

"Razor not really normal either. Strong senses often hard to deal with. But Razor friends say... it help entire group get by. And Fischl say that she like that Razor different in that way. I think Collei similar, but has different sense that is sharp. Very rare!"

Nobody has ever complimented her on her sense of touch before.

Maybe it isn't all that bad, to be the way that she is?

Collei feels like she's finally calmed down.

She sits between her two friends, neither of them touching her.

Except...

"Collei."

"Hm?"

Bennett grimaces. "Do you still want me to finish your bandage?"

Oh.

Oh crap! She does!

And so, Collei squeaks and twitches in place, one hand over Razor's, as Bennett finishes up the first-aid with movements that try to be careful. Bennett's consideration, however, is backfiring in terms of the results they're trying to achieve here, because Collei's chest trembles with laughter that she's holding in.

"Collei! Hey!"

"I'm! I'm trying to be still! I promise!"

"Well at least it's getting better if it just tickles, right? You-- you said that's how it works?"

"Ahahaha! Oh my gosh! Benny, hurry and finish up! I'm having so much trouble here!"

"...Collei sure this not tiny bit fun?"

"Razor! Hey!"

Collei continues to squirm and suffer but not really until Bennett at last is able to finish wrapping her bandages.

Chapter Text

Okay. Collei has gone on patrol. With Razor and Bennett.

All Fischl has to do is wait for Collei to get back.

From patrol.

With Fischl's other two friends.

...

...This may be more difficult than Fischl thought.

Fischl walks to the other end of Collei's hut and bangs her head against the support post. What the heck is she supposed to do?

(Wait for Collei to get back, obviously.)

Collei is gone with Razor and Bennett. Fischl should probably find some patrol to go on.

Probably... find some task or errand or...

Fischl rearranges some books on an empty spot on Collei's desk. She hopes that's okay.

Maybe she can even do some studying here?

Fischl has:

-Soulmate pamphlets from Layla

-Puberty books

-Eleazar readings from Tighnari

Some of that is pertinent. She's still got catching-up to do on Eleazar. Even the word itself burns into Fischl's chest now like it's making her gasp for breath; it is a wicked thing she hates dearly for it daring to settle onto Collei's body and threaten to drag her down to a grave.

Keep calm. No need to mope. This is just... just a little break. She'll see Collei again soon. Fischl was the one who said this was a good idea, right? The tolerance break? Collei is the one who was reluctant.

Fischl sits down on the floor, summons Oz, and mopes together with him for awhile.

Oh! There's someone approaching Collei's hut!

"Fischl? It's been awhile; are you doing alright?"

Fischl scrambles upright and immediately puts on her finest airs. She's not letting Tighnari notice that she was anything less than gracefully-eccentric today!

"Ah, Sir Tighnari. I was merely resting my constitution since this morning and the journey home. It does please me that mine soulmate is of more vigorous spirit currently!"

"That's excellent to hear," Tighnari says in a skeptical tone, swishing his tail to the side; because he's an Adult (capital A adult, not "technically of age" adult) and also got that noticeable tail and ears, it feels like he takes up most of the space in Collei's hut, even though he's logically just one man. "I was wondering if you'd come with me today. I haven't had any chance to talk with you or get to know you all that much, and getting to know Collei's soulmate is pretty important to me."

"What? Oh! Of course. It would... make sense that your curiosity is great, as I come from so afar... and, thou art correct, that we have seldom spoken at length... so yes, it is imperative that we rejoin together in an extended manner soon, that our minds should be joined in single purpose!"

"...You seem jittery. Is the separation getting to you already?"

"WHAT? No, I am holding myself perfectly at ease, and the rainforest has me set firmly, peacefully in a meditative state of being! There is no... unsettling air, within my own heart!"

"...Hmm. I feel like I owe you a bit more of an apology than I've been able to give, about the whole setup with Madam Faruzan..."

"What? Oh, oh, that's fine, really. I'm not upset anymore."

Fischl's eye scans the walls. The energy of Collei herself lingers here, but it's more like something that's waiting for her to return, than a sense that she's here even when she's not. The light outside looks blinding from in here.

Fischl tries moving her leg. Doesn't budge.

"You can stay for a few more minutes," Tighnari says. "I can be back with some tea for you."

Oh. Oh god, she'll take that. Anything to help her procrastinate getting out of here!

"That drink was pretty good," Fischl says, when she finally feels able to leave, and is accompanying Tighnari out into the woods. "What was it, exactly?"

"...A folk remedy, of herbs to help with anxiety."

Fischl's head snaps around to look at Tighnari. (That is her only reply.)

"I'm not trying to diagnose you with anything. I just had the feeling it would help."

Fischl crosses her arms, glaring off into the distance; Oz is on her shoulder.

"...Fischl?"

"...It did."

Fischl doesn't know if she would describe it as "anxiety," but it's like everything is empty and boring for the time being. She still has a laser focus to guide her in life (what are the next steps? How does she free Collei from the worst of what she's dealing with?), but it's like she's in some stuttering part she needs to fast-forward through.

There's nothing happening. It feels like there's no reason she's here. She hates it.

"Ah, here we are. First stop."

Oh! This is an archery range! This must be where all the forest rangers practice. Maybe it's where Collei learned the craft!

Tighnari is the one who walks ahead to the upper scaffolding, but he hand-gestures at Fischl to follow close behind him.

Fischl observes Tighnari's archery form carefully as he draws his bow completely back. She can tell which target he's aiming for.

"LOOSE!" Tighnari barks, in a more commanding voice than he's yet conjured for any purpose. (He is normally calm and even soft-spoken, Fischl realizes.)

Once it's clear that there's nobody on the archery range, Tighnari lets his arrow go.

Smack.

Dead center.

Fischl shoots Tighnari a savvy glance, as she takes her stance up where he'd just been standing; Tighnari shuffles out of the way for her (she's elbowing him to move). If it's a friendly contest, fine. Fischl's going to impress him!

All the way back. Deep breaths, and then finally holding it to steady herself. Take the wind into account, level the arrowhead so that it's pointing just where she wants, and...

Something goes wrong.

The arrow flies completely astray.

Fischl is tempted to curse but that's the worst thing she could do while trying to get on Tighnari's good side as much as she can. So, she says nothing.

"Bad shot," Fischl grunts out, as though that's the only try she gets.

Tighnari raises one palm in a half-shrug gesture. "Could be a bad arrow," he says.

Fischl can only clench her muscles with frustration. But it's clear that she has to try again. She just has to make sure to do everything right, this time...

THWACK!

Wow.

Well, it's not the fabled "second arrow splitting the first."

But...

"Wow!" Tighnari says, suddenly invigorated. His hands go hunting in the vest he's wearing today until he pulls out a set of binoculars that he's quickly unfolding. "That's amazing!"

Fischl has sharper eyesight than he does, because she (or Oz, at least) can tell from where she's standing: that is her arrow nestled directly next to Tighnari's, sharing the same bullseye of the same target.

Fischl crosses her arms smugly and lets her confidence return to her.

"Was there anything in particular you wanted to ask me about?" Fischl says.

They've come a long way on their hike. They're on high ground and have passed by one of those great, dormant Ruins Guards that dominates the landscape; before long, they'll snake outside the edge of the Liyue Chasm. The workout (and the fresh air from being this high up!) has put some life back in Fischl's muscles. Could she really be starting to feel better?"

"Maybe a few things. Really, I just want to get to know you better. Nothing to be scared of."

Okay. So that still makes her a little nervous (ha! As if ANYTHING could ever make the almighty Prinzessin nervous!) but she can probably handle it. It makes sense. This is like the equivalent of whatever it'll be like when Collei meets Fischl's parents (since, well, Tighnari is the closest thing Collei has to a parent).

"You can start, actually," Tighnari says, as Fischl gets lost in thought while gazing out at the landscape. "Ask me anything you'd like. I'll answer if I can."

"Is there anything you could tell me about the Statue incident and what Layla told you?"

"Yeah, afraid not. Keeping that classified while Cyno deals with it."

Alright then.

There's only one other thing Fischl has been thinking about all morning. And it's the biggest thing she wonders when she looks at Tighnari.

"...What was it like... when you first met Collei?"

"Cyno brought her here, and she was immediately afraid of me. I had to do everything I can to make it obvious I wouldn't touch her without permission."

"...and she still had to endure being touched, when you cared for her?"

"...No, it wasn't like that." Tighnari shakes his head. "Collei went without care for weeks until she worked up the bravery to take medicine and be touched."

Oh.

That makes Fischl's heart stop cold.

The very phrase "went without care" is jarring to her, like cruelty. Even though that's the opposite of what it was...

"I was only a teacher for her, at first. Showing her the absolute basics... how to write her name, and what the other rangers at the village all do. Nothing more complicated than that. So, after a little while... Collei realized I wasn't ever going to catch her off-guard, and I never laced her food with anything, or did things without her permission... so... she opened up a little and asked for more help. I started giving her the treatment I could for her Eleazar, and... even though I knew it wasn't a permanent fix... I just... there's not words to describe it, Fischl. I don't think I've ever seen the same expression on another person, as I did Collei the first time I treated her."

"...When you helped her, instead of taking advantage of her like... like the Fatui did?"

"She started following me everywhere after that. She was starting to do better in terms of daily functioning... so, I gave her the offer not only to become a trainee, but to be my apprentice in particular. She was surprised, to say the least, but she accepted in a heartbeat. I could tell that I had offered her something she may have wanted more than anything."

"...Which is?"

"I don't have it pinned down to just one thing. But it's like... some chance at helping others, combined with the strength, skills, and a sense of safety necessary for that. That's what Collei needed."

"And yourself."

Tighnari chuckles awkwardly. "I'd like to think she's found a stable person in me."

"And you never told her about soulmates?"

"...I danced around the subject a little. I think she saw people with soulmarks, but didn't quite understand. I did the age-old ritual of burning a lock of my hair while writing her name, to verify she was one of my own; I still didn't tell her for awhile, but then she got her soul thread and I went and explained the entire thing to her."

Wow. That would have only been a few months ago.

"Can I see what Collei's mark looks like?" Fischl asks.

Tighnari peels back his sleeve to reveal a ludicrous number of soulmarks; enough for at least three or four people's worth. That's something Fischl will have to ask him about some other time.

Collei's mark: a constellation of a serval cat, sparkling light green. Fischl feels a spark of jealousy (rivalry?) against Tighnari; she would totally want that on her own arm, if she didn't have the stronger bond to Collei anyways.

Fischl looks away and leans back against a tree. She doesn't need a total rest, but she's putting off some weight while she goes back to staring out at the scenery. She really should have come down here to Sumeru sooner for a lot of reasons; the sights of the vast gorges or massive trees and fungi are just breathtaking on a clear day...

"I can understand why you're still testing me," Fischl says, after a moment. "Collei means a lot to you."

"Testing you? I'm done with that. But just to verify... you'd describe yourself as an older sister to Collei, yes?"

"Yes," Fischl says in a heartbeat. "To my other two friends as well, but especially to Collei, since we have the bond."

"Then that's the only thing you need to worry about being. Be tough, protective, and don't let anything get between the two of you. You feel hurt and confused over her being hurt in the past, and you may even blame yourself... But all of that is just a sign of your love for her, and that you're in the right place by being with her."

"How do you know exactly how I feel?"

Tighnari puts a hand on his hip. His sleeve is still hiked up, all his soulmarks visible. The marks are numerous, but Collei's seems to be framed perfectly in the center of all of them.

"Well, how do you think I would know anything about it?" Tighnari asks.

Oh.

Fischl can live with this warm-but-edgy dynamic that's been brewing between herself and Tighnari since she's met him: the dynamic of a friendly rivalry. Like a fight to see who can do the most good for Collei. They're not out to get each other, ultimately.

"You freaked out when I was new here," Fischl says. "I wanted to take her away from you. And I was so, so ignorant."

"Yes," Tighnari says. (Not helpful.) "I perceived you as a dangerous pied piper, you see."

...Uh oh. Fischl knows that fairy tale. It's not how she wants to view herself.

(But, a little voice inside tells her: in a way, doesn't it fit?)

"Explain," Fischl asks.

"I worried you would be too easily able to woo Collei, convince her that her answers were in the decisions you wanted to make, and then manipulate her strings like she was some kind of accessory. I imagined you building a life where you are the hero, and Collei was secondary. I imagined Collei losing her freedom, even if she got to go everywhere with you. ...But, my view on you changed, and I think you're more selfless than that."

Fischl swallows back some anxiety. That's a very specific description. Did Tighnari really struggle through that whole thought process while trying to get Fischl pinned down? And why does it feel accurate, like the shoe fits?

"But even so... are you really not worried about me? At all?"

"I'm always going to worry about Collei, in all regards. But." Tighnari cordially flicks an ear towards Fischl. "We're doing much better than we were when we first argued. You have my promise about that."

"What, exactly, changed your mind?" Fischl asks. "About me, I mean?"

That's the question that makes Tighnari really have to stop and think. Fischl turns away from him to give him the space.

"Well... the fact that, while you did screw up by trying to leave, you showed that you were willing to be unhappy for Collei's sake. Then... hm... you seem to have been tailoring how you approach things, and letting Collei take the lead a bit more?"

It's true. Wordlessly, and Fischl didn't notice they're working out that way, but Collei picks bedtimes (and Fischl doesn't really stay up past her). Collei picks where to sit down and eat. Collei sets the pace on the trail. Collei chooses tasks, and Fischl makes herself backup, usually setting Oz in a position where no danger can approach Collei unnoticed.

Collei is no leader (Fischl is still the one who's leader of the gang), but everything in this friend group MUST put Collei first, to a certain extent. She has the most problems. Her needs will always be greatest. If something's distressing her or tiring her out, the others must take notice immediately; Fischl has even contemplated asking for Collei's permission to explain some triggers to Bennett and Razor on Collei's behalf, since it could make some things easier if the boys knew about the importance of avoiding the Fatui, for example (but Collei shouldn't necessarily have to take on the burden of explanation herself, when Fischl could easily do it for her).

"I was scared... and really, part of me still is, about you and the influence you have over her... but then I realized that you are doing your best for Collei, and that's what I wanted. Even if my own instincts are to see you as a rival."

Fischl falls silent.

As much as Fischl loves her own air of competency and danger... she understands Tighnari's anxiety. Fischl's older than Collei, and needs to be careful not to take advantage of Collei's naivete in any way.

"Now," Tighnari says. "About my questions for you."

"Have you talked to her about the trip idea yet?"

"Not yet. We might have some other stuff to sort out first."

"...Take your time. I'm not quite ready to part with my favorite student."

"...Do you think she'll say yes?"

"I don't have any clue. But, I trust that the choice will ultimately come down to her, and not what anybody else wants with her."

It's said in a friendly-threatening way. Fischl's intimidated, but she gets it. She gets why Tighnari is continuing to raise his standards for how Fischl should act.

Fischl takes a deep breath.

"Since Collei looks up to me... if you were shaky about me at first but trust me now... how do you know I'll continue to do the right thing, always? How do you have this much faith in me?"

Tighnari glances at her like he's really, really thinking hard about how to answer that one.

But then, he gets a sudden twitching in his ear and his body bristles up.

"Fischl. Something is amiss. Quickly! After me!"

They find... a sight.

Some carefully-tended herb garden, clearly belonging to the forest rangers, and located up here for some reason (growing conditions such as the altitude?).

A scattering of boars are uprooting many of the plants.

"Oh, no. How did they even know to get up here? And how did they tear into the fences so easily?!"

"...Can't you just regrow everything?"

Tighnari huffs out a frustrated sigh. "The herbs here are important and in short supply elsewhere. This is the most convenient spot to grow many of the plants Collei and several other of my patients need!"

Shit.

"Well, only one thing to do. Put a lid on this damage!"

Tighnari's body exudes forceful Dendro energy as he draws back his bowstring. Green light dances at the tip of his arrowhead. Raw anger burns in his eyes--

"No," Fischl says. "Look closer."

Oz picks up on many things that Fischl, had she not altered her mind so, would not be able to alone. Others do not have the senses for the same things she does.

Others do not have the same ability to sense such nascent decay.

"I don't know what it is," Fischl says. "But they're diseased by something that has already killed them."

"Something that... has already killed them?"

"Correct. They are restless corpses. What could this be?"

"That sounds like... no, it can't..."

"What can't it be?"

"Cordyceps fungus! That's supposed to be limited to insects!"

"...And here it is, creating a new strain of shroomboar."

Tighnari's expression demonstrates a mix of existential horror, thrill of discovery, and then sheer rage at the herb garden.

"You can't aim to kill them if they're already dead. And they cannot fall limp here, if their diseases would ruin yet more about this sacred bastion of medicinal plants." Fischl feels her hair flutter as her Vision power activated. Lightning starts to crack against her bowstring arm. "Drive them away so we can save what's left."

"Fischl?"

"...Yes?"

"I'm going to need one specimen to keep."

"Deal."

Arrows fly.

Boars scatter everywhere from Tighnari's smoke-bomb he tosses.

Oz sweeps unfailingly through the confusion, screaming and crackling at boars that are close to the undisturbed plants.

Fischl's arrows fly against soil. Whatever frightens them to get them to leave. Ideally they'd round all of them up. But the herbs take priority.

Arrows scream through the air and to the ground. Fischl and Tighnari's Vision energies interact, making violent reactions that spark harder than what Fischl has experienced alongside Collei.

One boar, trying to leave the herb patch, gets impaled by Tighnari in five places at once. (Fischl envies the way his energy arrows can split and then reunite. That's a neat trick.)

And it's over.

Fischl stares at the aftermath.

Herbs uprooted. Tracks in previously-neat soil. Tighnari in an aggressive posture, his muscles tight with adrenaline that hasn't left yet.

"...Tighnari?"

"Hang on. I'm deciding what to do."

Fischl waits.

"Do you think you can take the specimen back for me?" Tighnari asks.

"I'm strong enough."

"Alright then. Deposit it in my hut and cover it with a tarp. I will be back within an hour after doing preliminary damage control."

"What are the lasting effects of this incident?"

"Scientific discovery? Major. Herb garden? ...Nothing we can't get a handle on quickly, since we arrived so soon. Many of these herbs can be saved. We'll just be sending a few more patrols here over the coming days while we restore it to its former glory."

"Does this affect the immediate supply of what Collei needs?"

"Collei will be fine. We have the herbs elsewhere. You might find yourself on a couple of far-flung patrols, but I'm guessing you won't complain if it's for her."

Fine then. Fischl will trust that to be enough.

Fischl slings the quintuple-skewered, cordyceps-animated boar over one shoulder, and turns back to Tighnari as she prepares to take the road back to Gandharva Ville.

"...Fischl?"

"Yes?"

"You now have my answer." Tighnari's voice is firm, as his hands work to re-plant a cluster of roots. "What you just showed me today... that's my answer, for why I trust you."

Chapter Text

Fischl can't say that she learned nothing in Collei's absence, but she only feels completely at ease when she is finally in Collei's presence again that evening, with the boys sitting on either side of them as they eat a fresh vegetarian stew.

And, when Fischl and Collei say good night to the others, and they go back to their shared hut together, Collei glances to Fischl with eyes full of hesitation; but all she asks is "has the bedding on the floor been comfortable enough?" (She's not kicking Fischl out from anywhere, even with the nightmare proximity and everything.)

C ollei asks Fischl to apply her medication and change her bandages. Fischl will do it, of course: she just dreads it bringing displeasure to Collei.

But, that part's getting a little better too, as Collei this time wiggles around in her seat and shifts from one side to another but no longer is distressed when Fischl's fingertips have to work all over her arms to get Collei's Eleazar cream into the areas around and between her scales, and then bandage it all up when she's done.

Progress.

So, that's why Fischl hopes to have progress on another front too, as she knowingly ignores a direct order from Collei by intentionally crossing a portal into a bad dream once again...

Fischl is clasped in place as she is forced to hear the crying and screaming from her soulmate not two yards away.

She doesn't look at Collei and her bleeding arms, but she sees the man hovering over her, and the tools that he wields and switches out from the kit on a medical cart beside him.

He keeps reaching down and touching her all over and doing weird messed-up stuff to her, Fischl knows. How dare he. How dare he! And why is he not doing anything to Fischl instead?! (Not that Fischl wants that, really, but her rage at him going after Collei is overpowering Fischl's better judgment and memory of past experience here.) If he was bothering HER some, then Collei could have a breather, but no! The Doctor does seem aware of the fact Fischl's existence; but her semi-invisibility is not helping her if she can't even do anything with it.

Fischl wrenches uselessly against her restraints. She wills Oz into existence (oh! she finally has forced Oz into this place! finally she isn't acting alone!) and keeps him in the shadows. He pecks in the darkness for something to use. Something that missed The Doctor's scrutiny. Anything.

There! Oz has found something. A forgotten paperclip?

Oz grapples at it with his beak and talons until it's at its full length. Fischl will use it as a lockpick.

Fischl holds still for agonizing minutes of Collei's pleading, as Oz fiddles at the clasp of each one of her restraints. She's not going to move until Oz has all four of them undone.

And... bam!

Fischl bursts upright from the table, summoning her bow into her arms.

She leaps nimbly to the table where Collei is bound.

She glares at The Doctor with an abundance of genuine hatred, as she brandishes a drawn arrow point-blank at the center of his mask, ready to pierce into his forehead and splinter inside of his brain!

Fischl is yanked backwards by her hair.

She yelps with indignation as she's clawed at by somebody shorter than her. It's someone who is only just suddenly free, and is shoving her way between Fischl and the enemy.

It is Collei. Collei's getting in the way.

She is furious.

"Stay out!" Collei yells.

Oh damn, this might be the worst Fischl's ever seen her. Collei's eyes look fearsome and tired, but with some ominous flicker in them Fischl has not seen by day. A venomous, sparkling smoke billows up and away from her body. The veins on her bare arms are illuminating. Something is wrong here.

"Little one," Fischl says, with awe in her nervous voice.

Wait, where did the Doctor go?

...

Wait, wait...

There's something else to fear here, isn't there?

Instead of waking up, Fischl is thrust into a different dream: one without Collei.

Some of Fischl's new knowledge immediately slips away from her. She can't remember what she was just barely figuring out.

Darn. Collei's having her way of this. Fischl not made it back to the waking world, and she can't do anything to help Collei. She can't wake Collei up. She can't fight the nightmare. And, she doesn't even know if she can bust her way back in to begin with, more than once per night.

Fischl looks down at herself. She's now suddenly wearing her finest gothic gown, an outfit that is, in reality, still in her childhood bedroom closet. What manner of dream is this?

The room: a beautiful little grove but all indoors. Fischl is sitting at a table meant for someone much tinier and younger than even little Collei.

Across the table sits an unfamiliar girl: a toddler with elf ears and a glistening white side-ponytail and big green eyes with flower-shaped white pupils. She has dignity in her table manners but innocence in her very appearance, from the hem of her gown to the decorations in her hair. She's drinking a bronze-colored juice from the most ornate sippy cup Fischl has ever thought to imagine.

"You would be doing excellent," the little girl says, "except for the fact that that's completely the wrong approach. You think you're winding towards the center of the maze, but really there is no connection to the truth unless you backtrack from all the mistakes you're making. You're not wielding the right kind of weapon to help her."

"Weapons?" Fischl asks. The only weapons she really thinks of are her mind, her Vision, and her bow... her and Collei's bows, maybe... What about her friends? Are they themselves weapons? Well, they're not even each other's soulmates (let alone Fischl's), so they probably can't share any dreams like Fischl and Collei do, but... maybe they count for something?

"Your heart is in the right place. You see a problem that needs to be fixed, even though it only makes a difference in the realm of dreams and nightmares. It's your strength, and yet your undoing."

Fischl summons her bow and stares down at it.

Is her own strength really this pitifully insufficient? Why is a child younger than Collei giving advice on how to dismantle these nightmares that no young person should even have to imagine?

"Call me Nahida," the little girl says. "Collei knows me as Lesser Lord Kusanali."

Fischl sits with Collei's goddess and tries to understand.

"She prays to you. She loves you. You are the recipient of her wishes and hopes..."

"Collei's faith is powerful. She has tenacity, that I wish I could draw from when she prays to me." Nahida looks down at her hands and laces her short little fingers together. "I gather up everything she gives me, and I do watch over her, but I'm not able to do much with any of it... I could even be considered the weakest of the Seven."

"..."

"...all I can ever do for her is try to gather some of her good dreams when they come around, and then recycle them. Sometimes I'm able to replace a nightmare altogether." Nahida crosses her fingers and holds them out, and then pulls them apart to create a projection; Fischl sees a wistful scene of a younger Collei being snuggled fiercely by somebody Fischl recognizes as Outrider Amber. (Wow, would Collei really let anyone touch her like that? Amber must be fantastically special indeed.) "However... there are times I can't do anything, because her subconscious refuses to let go of the bad memories. Collei is left with no way out but to suffer."

"If you are a goddess and are so stumped... then what can I do? Please, patron deity -- guide me."

"Far more than me," Nahida says, removing the view that she was showing to Fischl, and then just toying with a loose strand of green thread instead. "You and Collei are bound by a really naturally-strong soul thread. That kind of thread, if put to the right use, can be stronger than even the gods... especially a handicapped god like me."

Fischl doesn't understand why Nahida describes herself like that. She seems so small and pure... a deity worthy of Fischl's Collei. Nothing has made more sense in her life than meeting this very pure Nahida after knowing who she is to the hard-working, do-gooder Collei. (Collei's got flaws, sure, but she's too hard on herself over them, and Fischl wants to tell her "no" more often.)

"Thou must not speak self-deprecation," Fischl tells Nahida. "Thou art adored by a noble ranger for good reason, mine respectable Lesser Lord. We owe you our devotion."

"Thank you, Prinzessin de Vererteilung. You're a good fit for Collei." Nahida smiles gently. "Maybe someday I'll be a better god and get strong enough to break free and help her myself... but until then, the wounded ranger will need the Princess to nurse her back to help."

Fischl glances down and stares at the hands that she has clenched on the arms of her ornate chair.

What else can she do? What new strategy does she have now?

"I have little for you that you do not already have. I can only give you some stern instruction and warnings." Nahida places a hand over her heart; vines reach towards Fischl's body to hand her a teacup. "You don't realize the full complexity of the rules. And there's one big truth you are in firm denial about."

"Which is?"

"Collei still craves that place," Nahida says. "She still wants to be his experiment."

...

...What.

Bull shit!

It doesn't sink in. Fischl doesn't believe it. She won't.

"Think about it, Prinzessin," Nahida urges. "Don't you see it, when you listen closely to Collei's heart?"

"No. I don't. I... I trust your wisdom, but I think that you're wrong."

Nahida shakes her head slowly.

"The sooner you accept it, Prinzessin, the sooner you'll be able to help get Collei out of there. But... if you can't process it, just place a bookmark in it for now. We'll look at the idea from a different angle."

Preposterous. Unbelievable. Collei, enjoying torture...

...Collei, only able to imagine herself as belonging there.

Oh.

Hmm.

Fischl gently takes a cup that Nahida extends towards her. It's comfortably full of lavender tea that looks beautiful, and smells like the real thing... what a pleasant dream this is, in comparison to nightmares.

Ah, the nightmares... Well, shit. Now Fischl is starting to see the true picture. Collei enjoys the torture her mind brings her back to. In some weird way, for some weird reason, Collei likes the idea that she's never left that place and doesn't need to let any of it go.

And, also for some weird reason, the idea makes absolute total sense to Fischl. Of course Collei doesn't want to leave.

Fischl wishes she was more surprised to learn this. She hadn't thought about it, and wasn't smart enough to guess on her own, but... the signs were everywhere. Something about her attitude. The things she was cagey about, and the things that she never seemed as disturbed about as she should have been.

"What do I do to help?" Fischl asks uselessly.

Nahida stares up at her.

"What will you do, oh Princess of Condemnation?" Nahida asks. "Will you play within the confines of a game that is rigged? Or will you use the force of your own imagination to fix what's truly wrong?"

Nahida holds out her hands like she's making a little picture frame, and she sweeps over the entire surface of the table... and it changes. It's now a playing-board, with terrain and figurines and dice and little walls and scattered cards scrawled with intensive details. The Cat's Tail might have board games, and it might even have some Harbingers & Hilichurls groups that meet there, but Fischl has never seen any game like this before, ever. It is far too grandiose and complex, and she gets a bad feeling from just trying to read some of the cards... in fact, the text has a hazy sense about it here. Fischl cannot even make out words when she picks one up to try and read it. The text is incomprehensible to begin with, and changes completely when she focuses hard enough!

Fischl realizes that, beneath the terrain and miniatures on the table, there is a see-through surface. Underneath are perpetually-turning unintelligible machinations (pistons and gears and whatnot).

Things above are changing as well: figurines are moving of own accord, the board is transforming, and no card is static for long...

...yet, it feels like everything inevitably comes back into the same cycle of approximately-similar movements.

Nothing ever repeats exactly, but it rhymes.

In the very center of the entire game is a pair of gaming miniatures.

One is Fischl as she sees herself in her imagination (and in her beloved book of inspiration).

The other figurine is without a doubt Collei, but a very plain, bandaged version of the girl, who holds her hands out in front of her and has her head bent downwards.

This is definitely a Collei with hatred in her heart, unmanaged Eleazar, no archery skills, and definitely no Vision. The hardest version to work together with.

"Well, what do you think?" Nahida asks. "Do you think the rules are fair?"

"I don't know. I can't understand any of them."

"So you believe the issue is you who cannot understand, rather than any feature of the rules themselves?"

If Fischl were slightly less bookish and learned, she wouldn't be able to follow this, but she actually figures out what Nahida is saying rather easily.

"The game is rigged!"

"All of it. The playing field is stacked against us.... I can make an appearance of progress, but so far, everything I've done has just been an illusion of usefulness."

It feels like there's always some breakthrough at the last second from The Doctor that makes Fischl altogether powerless. She hates it. But it makes sense now!

"That's not the hardest thing," Nahida says. "What's the hardest thing of all? What thing are you forgetting?"

Fischl grumbles, thinking.

What IS the hardest part? She sees The Doctor on the board, but... he's just part of the playing field. Or is he part of the rules?

"Hmm." Nahida puts a finger to her chin. "There might be TWO big things you're not considering. That's okay, though. I'm only expecting you to figure out one for certain."

Still, the idea doesn't leave Fischl alone. What if The Doctor is some force stronger than a mere playing piece?

"I want you to leave that thought alone for now, Princess of Condemnation. It might be something to tackle later. Think of something else that's a problem here. Think of something about the player pieces."

Alright, fine. Fischl will simplify this situation down to the Doctor just being a very powerful enemy piece. Like a major boss, of sorts.

Then it clicks. The hardest thing. The thing that's getting in Fischl's way the most.

"My other party member," Fischl says coldly, "is somebody who will sabotage me from winning the game."

Rigged gameplay elements. Unfair rules that will always work against her. A teammate who wants to lose repeatedly, in humiliating and dehumanizing ways, for as long as the games continue.

"So which things will you try and change?" Nahida asks.

"All of it," Fischl says without thinking. "I have not had luck in changing the playing conditions directly. But if her Princess changes the rules, then it will be easier to change what is happening in the game... and as for the Ranger herself... hmm."

Fischl leans back all the way and kicks her feet up onto the gaming table that had seemed so daunting and impossible just a second ago.

"...I want Collei to want nice things for herself. The first thing I have to do is protect her from what's bad. And to do that... the thing I have to change... is Collei's own mind."

"...Hmm." Nahida rubs her chin.

It's deeply doubtful. Did Fischl not give good enough answers? Is she not smart enough for this one after all?

"You didn't get everything correct. There's some things you are deeply in the wrong about. However... you have gotten enough answers correct to pass. You are still, by far, the one who is most qualified to help Collei with any of this."

Fischl exhales.

"As a reward for passing, I'll give you even more advice: After you make your breakthrough and start getting results, you'll never be able to use the exact same strategy more than once. Collei's trauma is a clever, serpentine thing that will always wind itself into newer and scarier shapes to come drag her down, and she will be forever on guard to your schemes and interventions."

"..."

"You will have to invent new revisions to the rules over and over and over again, night after night. You will have to work your imagination harder and harder as Collei's misery grows wise to your schemes. With all that in mind... Is your resolve still set, Princess of Condemnation?"

"Yes," Fischl says without a second thought.

Imagination? She has that in droves. It's been waiting her entire life for a duty such as this.

"If the rules always change," Nahida says, doing the same hand gesture as before but widening the frame, as though to zoom out, "then you must always be cunning, and full of tricks..."

Fischl doesn't remember anything about who she met when she was asleep.

What she does remember, though, is a sudden feeling deep in her heart that affirms her resolve to get inside of Collei's nightmares.

Priorities, though. Priorities. She needs to change Collei's mind by daylight before she gets any farther by night. That's going to be hard to do, though, and it seems to run contrary to some things that she was just discussing with Tighnari the previous day.

Fischl finds in her travel-bag a green-and-silver twenty-sided die that she does not remember packing, but that she intuitively knows is significant and worth keeping.

Fischl will take it with her, wherever she goes, until the end of time.

Chapter Text

Another night, and another moment of Fischl just not being able to help herself, dissuaded by neither soulmate's word nor goddess' counsel nor Doctor's terror... She leaves her own comfortable little night-realm with reluctance, but she swears to herself that she will both show bravery and keep her own heart safe this time.

The portal presents itself easily. Fischl cannot imagine turning around and abandoning it, even though she knows Collei won't want her to be there.

Oz bobs his head at her urgently. Like he's asking Fischl to remember something.

Remember what? Was there somebody else she talked with? Somebody who advised her? Oh, what a bother, Fischl can't even remember it now. She's going to keep going at it the way she was. She'll get it right, eventually! She's got to!

And into Collei's darkness she goes...

The same dark, clammy place, but Fischl this time has one question begging to be answered. She knows, with a laser-like focus, that answering this question is key to unlocking the next batch of information.

What's in the syringe?

It brings her great displeasure that the first thing she hears is Collei's unresigned begging and shrieking. Yikes. She's so desperate she isn't even capable of being hopeless and giving herself into despair; it loops right back around into frantic terror. Fischl hates The Doctor and she hates that the nightmare has already skipped to the worst part. This is going to be hard to navigate.

Do I try to change the narrative now , or do I observe passively for future benefit?

The question is dicey. Fischl is not confident in her ability to overpower The Doctor, given that her ability to summon Oz is inconsistent in Collei's realm. If she gathers info, she may uncover the things that Tighnari and Collei are so hush-hush about during the day... but then, if she takes that route, she might have to neglect acting directly on Collei's suffering, and leave her to her misery.

Wouldn't it be nice if trying to take The Doctor out would work?

The Doctor is lecturing Collei.

Heavy voice speaking in a purring croon. A body large and unbreakable. The threat of resolve-shattering pain from any movement he makes.

Fischl's chances are slim, and her options are few. This situation reminds her unpleasantly of a similar nightmare that ended horrifically. She knows from experience that she isn't good for anything here except keeping in the darkness and looking for a thing that can help Collei a little later...

She got new info. Something like advice! A direction! But she can't remember what it was...

Fischl looks away from the Doctor, while he's preoccupied (with Collei, obviously). She turns her focus away from him for once. See what's in his space when his back is turned...

Tools. Where are his tools? Wouldn't that show Fischl everything she needs to see?

Fischl crawls, hand and knee, in the lowest of shadows in this place that is already darkness-entrenched. She does not seek light nor even reprieve. She seeks merely some knowledge! Show it to her now! Let her find what the Doctor is working with! Let her understand the nature of the experimentation!

Wretched little experiment. Insulting words, from the one who made Collei so. It makes no sense! The little things she's overheard him calling her... the wretched girl, or ignorant child, or would-be wench of the desert... is he not the one who snared Collei in this place so stifling and lowly?

Fischl tries to feel less hatred, if only so she can focus on her task.

Fischl reaches the base of a toolcart. Yes! Yes!! She lifts herself off the floor, careful not to reach out to anything (least of all the cart itself) to steady her balance. He must have no cue that she is there. She works without a second soul knowing.

Her gaze scans each shelf of the cart. Too many knives and scalpels for her to feel comfort here. Oh, and there's many other pointy tools Fischl does not have the vocabulary for. Poor girl. It feels like there aren't as many bottles or cotton swabs or whatever as there should be (what if there were? would it mean anything assuring?).

And, as always, the box of fresh surgical gloves... eurgh, Fischl herself is also disgusted by the sight of that now, just from Collei's associations between that and the pain...

Wake up!

Who called out?! Fischl sneers, looking behind herself. I can't wake up. I'm looking for the fluid. I'm looking for what he's going to put inside of her!

There isn't any presence speaking to her. Fischl tries uneasily to refocus, and also continue to ignore Collei's squealing under whatever butcher's implement the Doctor is using on her this time. (What's he up to, rearranging the scales on her arms? Trying to change the orientations of her bones? Makes her sick!)

I already told you. You're not going to find the answer this way.

Fischl ignores that. She keeps scanning the topmost layer of his cart now... where is it... where is the fluid? The poison?

Fischl hears only a voice like stale venom, directed at the Doctor: "I hate you."

It wasn't on the cart! The Doctor is holding it up, but Fischl's viewpoint grants her only a silhouette; she can't see what it is! If she can just scramble around for a different perspective, Fischl can at least figure out why Collei is about to be screaming and sobbing on the floor from the unimaginable pain...

All I need to know is what's in the syringe!

Fischl's eyes flutter and she finds herself in... a different dreamscape.

Oh! Collei's goddess! The Dendro archon!

The tiny child sits with quiet grace on a much-too-large throne. (Fischl, meanwhile, has found herself thrust without warning onto an armchair; it's comfortable, but her limbs are all thrown askew as though she doesn't remember how sitting works, and she's lacking a single drop of her usual grace.)

Nahida has her hands folded and tut-tuts at Fischl.

Fischl rights herself. "What?"

"Prinzessin, we've talked once already, and you haven't heeded my advice."

"Your advice...? I've tried talking to her about the nightmares before. She won't let me in! And I can't leave her to suffer, just because she's stubborn."

Nahida stares pityingly at Fischl.

Fischl's the one here who looks more grown-up, but she feels absolutely pathetic after failing just now, yet again, to do anything meaningful for Collei in a nightmare.

"Listen," Fischl says, holding out her hands but managing her tone, trying to be very mindful of the fact that she's speaking to a god. "I almost got to the truth, before I was stopped. I was almost able to see what was in the syringe!"

"Oh, you mean this?" Nahida asks, twirling it effortlessly in her fingers although her face shows no playful expression in the least.

No.

It can't be that easy!

Nahida gives it to Fischl to hold.

She cradles it in her hands, speechless. Nahida would just hand it over so easy? Well, anyways, at last! Finally! Something to investigate!

Except...

"You might notice that it isn't as useful as you had expected."

Fischl watches the item in her hands change substance. The syringe itself changes from a form like a viscous skin, to one of fragile glass, to one of soft air... and the liquid inside it? Its color doesn't stay constant for even a second! It changes every second!

"It's the substance of a subjective dream, taken unwillingly... it has no knowledge to offer you. You were never going to gain this piece of knowledge without Collei's full consent, for it falls in the realm of secrets she doesn't want you to know."

Fischl scowls (though tries really hard to make sure the expression isn't pointed at Nahida).

"I need to go back to Collei's dream. Now. To save her."

Nahida shakes her head. "The same poor misconceptions... over and over again. We already talked about this! Your head is in the wrong place!"

"I'm going... to break down the door to come help Collei..."

"No, no, no! I know you're smarter than this. You're making me into a music box that's been wound an infinite number of times. I'm getting worn out from repeating myself."

Fischl feels some disbelief settle over her. Is she being... politely insulted?

Oh, and Nahida isn't even done?

"You have a career based on carefully calculating which commissions you should take, and how to complete them faster than anybody else... you prefer the machinations of tact, to the mere idea of tireless work... so how come, when it comes to matters of Collei, it all transmogrifies into the brute force of blind devotion?"

Ouch! Fischl wipes at the corner of her mouth, as though to keep from ingesting poison.

"You're Collei's only protector to have any stronger claim to her than I do," Fischl mutters. "Are you going to lock me out?"

Nahida reaches forward to touch the side of Fischl's face.

"I don't have enough power over Collei to do that," Nahida says. "But Collei might decide to do that. Before you wake up... do you remember anything that I told you last time?"

"You said..."

Fischl remembers! She remembers the impossible task. Ugh. It's going to be so much harder than just headbutting it with the willpower to get to Collei... She's done many difficult things in her life, from the stubborn task of building a solo identity to the monumental monster-slaying feats that have garnered her reputation, but it's starting to feel like nothing could possibly be harder than just getting Collei to willingly let Fischl experience through the pain too, of whatever's in Collei's past...

"...you said, I need to..." Fischl clenches her jaw. "...get Collei's permission, and her full story." Fischl clenches a fist. "On her terms. All of it."

Her terms. When Collei wants Fischl to know nothing more than she does currently.

How is it possible?

"You'll both suffer unless you can work together. I told you all this once already; now stop being ignorant." Nahida's words are harsh, but they are said with a velvet tone; Fischl feels ashamed more than offended, really. "I don't even have any more blessings to offer you. Nobody else can help you right now. Do you understand, Prinzessin?"

Fischl grumbles something vaguely-affirming.

"She's one of my subjects, and you really are a brave girl. This time, do you swear to walk the path of wisdom in order to help her?"

Fischl shifts awkwardly in her seat. She'd really rather do this her way. The painless (sort of?) way that requires less discussion. But she's starting to recognize that she has fewer options than she was pretending she did.

"Amy," Nahida says coaxingly. Fischl's face burns.

"Alright, alright! I'll figure out the right way to talk to her!"

"Excellent. You can get started right away." Nahida beams. "Roll for initiative!"

"Wait, what--"

Nahida taps Fischl on the nose.

Collei snaps awake first, gasping for breath.

She turns to Fischl, who is flat on the floor and meekly pulling some covers up over her chest, as though she rested well and had no part in any nightmare that just happened.

"You!" Collei scolds. "You were there, again! I wanted you to stay out!"

Fischl's eye moves away. "I... I sensed you were in danger..."

"I know that, but you followed me in. You were about to get more helpless. Do you really want to get hurt there again?"

Fischl grumbles as she tries to reason with Collei. "Please, just... please let me in?"

"No. Our minds are too connected; I don't want you to somehow catch my trauma. It probably is better if we just... didn't sleep anywhere near each other!"

"Soulmate... please..."

"No! Get away from me!"

Fischl makes a mistake.

She places a hand on Collei's elbow.

Fischl ends up with nothing more than a red mark on her arm from Collei's angry and involuntarily reaction (and then some confused apologies from Collei, who is angry about it even if she's also remorseful), but she gets her sleeping bag and drags it unceremoniously to where Bennett and Razor are sleeping, and plops it next to them.

Neither wakes up; neither says a word. But they'll have questions in the morning, for certain...

"Everyone, I just want you to know, it looks like rain later today so you might want to consider... Fischl? What are you doing sleeping outdoors?"

Oh.

Fischl was prepared for the inevitability of explaining it to her own boys, but... Tighnari is a different matter. And so soon after she'd patched some things over with him for certain. Drat!

Fischl brushes the hair from her face and slaps on her eyepatch. She's disheveled from a bad night of interrupted sleep and guilt over her recent exchange with Collei. But she has to try and look put-together right now, or else the carefully-built reputation she has with Tighnari will backslide away.

"I was just giving my dear soulmate some space, for my own mind overflows often during the night, and my own musings were vocal enough to stir her from her slumber."

"Hmm. ...That would make sense. I'm sure neither of these two is a light sleeper, in comparison to her."

That Tighnari. Fischl probably can't sneak a lie past him. He's humoring her. Archons bless him, he's still giving me the time of day.

Bennett and Razor are both still out cold, flat on their backs, with drool running down their faces.

"They are both certainly sound dreamers," Fischl muses.

"I'll go check on Collei for you. No worries."

Fischl realizes, as her gut sinks, that even if her own fib has Tighnari fooled (fat chance!)... Collei has the absolute power to give him the full story. Collei can tell Tighnari they're fighting... and Fischl will look worse in his eyes from that.

Ugh.

What a morning...

After Collei's checkup, she drags herself out of her hut. Bad sleep, plus squabbling with Fischl (she doesn't like the feeling, and also, she wants to spend time with Fischl, darn it! But they have to sort stuff out first!), plus... the shame, again, of her trauma and illness always getting in the way of other things. Man...

Oh! What's that?

Loud voices. That sounds like... grown men, she doesn't quite recognize? And they're not any of the regular rangers... is there trouble? Collei starts to shake (just a little). Why are angry guys here?

"I'm telling you, you should stop wasting your time on me and-- oh, Tighnari! Good morning! It's good to see you!"

Oh. Collei does recognize one of them. But she's very confused. Why is the Scribe from the Akademiya (Alhaitham, was it?) here? And why's he having to support the disheveled-looking blond guy who walks glued to his side?

" Kaveh, Alhaitham, it's always nice to see both of you," Master Tighnari says, his ears perking all the way upright. He glances to Collei to make sure she sees his reassuring smile. But there's still a skeptical note to his intonation. "What brings you to Gandharva Ville right now?"

This Kaveh doesn't look so good. His skin is pallid from symptoms of... something or other. His eyes lack focus. Some of his facial muscles are crinkled into a peeved expression.

"Tighnari... I... uh..." Kaveh shoves himself off of Alhaitham, pulls himself so he isn't stooped over (it doesn't look good; his posture is shaky), fixes a button that had come undone on his colorful floral shirt (the left and right sides aren't aligned correctly; everything is off by one button) and brushes down his hair. "I'm... here... on a forced vacation, because I was... overworking myself and my friend had to intervene."

Alhaitham is hovering close to Kaveh, as though spotting him for a dangerous exercise. "That's all technically correct. You're being generous today, calling me your 'friend.' Is that easier to admit than the fact that we live together?"

Kaveh splutters. "What are you on about! I'm calling you my friend if it damn pleases me! But if you're happier about it, fine! Hated roommate! See if I care!"

Alhaitham moves closer to Tighnari and says something in a ludicrously-low register (and right in Tighnari's ear, really).

"Withdrawal."

Obviously he didn't want Collei to hear it, but people underestimate how good her hearing is. She'd love to have Tighnari's ears (for many reasons!) but even without them, she can sense many things.

I n addition, Collei understands what Alhaitham just said. Kaveh might be very sick indeed.

Kaveh... she knows that name! She hasn't met him, but she knows him!

"Oh!" Collei says. "You're..."

Kaveh seems to notice her presence for the first time. "Oh, hello!"

His entire demeanor changes. Kaveh gets down on one knee, lets his hands hold a relaxed position, and tilts his head. His irritated, unfocused look vanishes; it's replaced by one that looks refreshed and cheerful (even if there's some traces that are overstaying their welcome).

"You must be Collei," Kaveh says in a soft tone of voice. "I'm your Master's soulmate Kaveh, the architect. I knew right from looking at you standing next to Tighnari that you must be the diligent little apprentice that I've heard so much about! He brags about you, you know!"

Collei quickly glances up at Tighnari; she sees him place a hand on his hip and shrug, not quite dismissively. Maybe demurely is the word? Oh, but Collei doesn't fully understand that word either... darn..."

"Well," Tighnari finally says. "She is very hardworking. I appreciate her effort."

"Um... thank you, Master." Collei's hands nervously wring themselves. There's a faint shudder of pain in her arms; Tighnari just helped her with her care, but the salve is taking a few minutes to start working. " And... it's really nice to see you in person. The things you've sent me are really nice."

"Things?" Alhaitham asks.

"I've sent art supplies for her before . Nothing fancy; just some things that would be friendly for a beginner , without sacrificing quality. Just... well, something I felt like doing, when I first heard that Tighnari had taken a kid under his wing." Kaveh looks pensive. Collei wonders just how much he knows about her. Not that she minds; it just feels like Kaveh knows that she's not just some kind of student of Tighnari's living away from her family but rather, has been taken in by Tighnari as family.

It's not a secret, by any means, but it sometimes makes her feel funny, when somebody knows enough to be able to infer that she's had a difficult life... maybe that's why Kaveh wanted to send her stuff to draw with. He might even know that she had never been able to make art in her life before.

" Oh," Tighnari says quickly. "And about Collei being young... it turns out she's not a little kid. We deduced with some info from her thread soulmate that Collei's already a teenager."

Kaveh looks surprised but he doesn't say anything except, "Thread soulmate? Lucky you! Are you friends?"

Hmm. That must be another courteous question to make small talk with a young person.

"Yeah, Fischl's great. Um. We just met, but she is my best friend!" Collei forces energy into her words. Everything she just said is true, but it feels awkward to say right now. "Thank you for the art supplies... drawing in my free time is really fun for me. Useful, too."

Not that she's ready to show anybody her drawings . Nope. She really hopes he doesn't ask...

But Kaveh just says, "There is no problem at all. It's... really sort of an agenda of mine, truly. I want as many young people to be able to experience the joy of creation as possible!"

" You're not trying to persuade her to your career path, are you?" Alhaitham says.

"What?! Heavens, no! I wouldn't wish that kind of suffering on anybody! I'll have you know, that the mere act of drawing is linked to positive mental health--" Suddenly, Kaveh's expression morphs back into a glare. " Wait a second. Alhaitham, aren't you going to introduce yourself?"

" I've met Collei already. It's nice to see her, though."

Oh, hold on.

"...Master... one of your soulmates is the Akademiya's Scribe? ...Wait, did I know that already?"

"...Wait. You met her, and didn't even introduce yourself AS Tighnari's soulmate? Did you know who she was?!"

"I more or less guessed. We met while she was visiting the Akademiya for an unrelated reason. I just didn't happen to mention it."

Kaveh gasps and splutters.

"You! You're second-degree connected and didn't say anything?! It would have been polite! Why wouldn't you have introduced yourself as--"

"Please don't fight over me," Collei says. "It's not a huge deal. Still... nice to meet you properly, Mr. Alhaitham."

"Thank you. You seem like an excellent student ; perfect for Tighnari . "

C ollei catches glimpse of Fischl approaching; she gives her a quick wave to make sure she knows she doesn't have to just avoid Collei altogether.

Fischl returns it, and smiles, but doesn't come near. She looks busy helping Bennett and Razor with something...

"Oh, she doesn't look like she's around here. You said her name is 'Fischl'? That's unusual, but it sounds Monstadtian somehow..."

"She is!"

"Oh, Monstadt." Kaveh sounds cheerful any moment that his attention is on Collei. "I'd love to go someday and observe their building style in-person... oh, and visit that famous cathedral!"

"No, you are not going to the wine capital of the world anytime soon." Alhaitham lays a heavy hand on Kaveh's shoulder. " I'm unfortunately not able to stick around today; we already spent one night in the woods, getting here--"

What? That's crazy! At least they look alright... (sort of...)

"--and I'm not able to take another day off of work. So, I'll leave Kaveh to you."

Collei tails close behind Master Tighnari as he helps Kaveh the rest of the way to his hut (Tighnari's hut; there isn't one set aside just for Kaveh). "Master, do you want me to help care for him?"

"Thank you, Collei, but I'm overseeing this personally. I haven't trained you in caring for this type of condition."

Kaveh doesn't say anything. Collei thinks he just looks embarrassed and defeated, for whatever reason.

"You... aren't interested in going out with Fischl today, though, are you?" Tighnari says.

Oh.

So he already knows, then...

Collei asks for a solo patrol that day, away from Fischl. Something about "room to think."

Fischl paces with frustration. (She did wind up getting some moments alone in Collei's hut to get herself ready for the day, but she did it while Collei was eating breakfast outdoors.)

This keeps getting worse and worse. Sure, they shared a wave earlier. But now Collei isn't talking to her!

Fischl just keeps thinking of those two things that she had the mysterious realizations about. For one thing, she needs Collei's permission to enter nightmares.

But then, beyond that... she needs the full truth behind Collei. And that's where this gets impossibly hard.

Is it too much? Is it impossible? Would Collei rather Fischl remain a friend who doesn't have to know entirely about the freakish pain and altering circumstances that shaped Collei into... whatever she became, before the guidance of people like Tighnari could get her back onto some path of wholesomeness? Would Collei prefer that Fischl stays in the dark, so Collei truly can have the feel of a fresh start?

But Fischl already knows so much! She knows so many things that only raise more questions than answers, so... why not just tell her already and set her mind at ease?

Fischl knows a lot now, actually. There's just... holes, that are left, that she doesn't understand the magnitude of. Does she almost have the full story, or are there huge empty gaps?

She knows about The Doctor. She knows Collei was a test subject. She knows Collei was filled with fluid from some kind of syringe. (How many times? Repeatedly?) The Doctor would then probe at her back (extensively) to make sure it held... But what is "it?"

And, okay, Fischl is very very sure, from the sound of things, that a few possibilities of unspeakable abuse can at least be eliminated (something that happened during their discussion with Madam Faruzan). And Fischl is reasonably sure (especially from talking with Tighnari) that Collei's illness is unrelated to the Fatui, and she has it independent of them.

There's a point that keeps going black after every injection, however, where Fischl can't hold on to what happens to Collei... she's always got a before, or distant after of crying and full-body soreness, but what about the result itself? What did the injection do?

That's it. That's the bit Collei doesn't want her to know about.

But wait... if that's what Fischl KNOWS that she doesn't know about Collei, what about the things she doesn't know that she doesn't know? How much additional trauma could be outside of the things Fischl has even glimpsed? What happens in the empty space?

Fischl knows now that part of Collei is emotionally bonded with the nightmare place and...

And...

Fischl swallows back some bile. She really, really hates this reality, but...

...Collei wants to be there. The reason she's still there is that part of her likes it there.

Collei was a kid when it happened and it became familiar to her.

Collei was a kid and it was all she knew.

Collei was a kid and that's her personal bedtime story.

(During the years when Amy was reading and re-reading Flowers for Princess Fischl... THAT was all that Collei had instead.)

So then, maybe...

Maybe the reason Fischl has kept winding up in Collei's dreamscape night after night (and has been unable to drag her to her own place) is...

...if Collei wants to be there, maybe Collei really does want her there too?

Man, it's so hard to get a clear answer out of her...

Fischl's eye locks on Collei back in the village. She hasn't left on patrol yet! There's still time to get a word in!

"Soulmate. Do-- do you-- would you like help with archery maintenance? Before you go? I believe we may have... much, to learn from each other's techniques and supplies of choice."

Collei veers away from Fischl where they both stand; Fischl is certain the answer is going to be no...

...but, Collei takes stock of the bow in her arms and a quiver looking a little empty, and leans back to Fischl. Perhaps Collei would feel bad not even letting Fischl speak with her before they separate for the morning.

"Okay."

This is it.

Fischl has an in!

They go to a nice clearing not far from Gandharva Ville. There's a rare large, flat stump that's perfect as a workstation.

They unpack their respective archery maintenance supplies (spare bowstrings, wax and the like) and get to work in silence for awhile, working on their gear, fletching and fixing arrows, cleaning dust out of the bottom of a quiver, and, finally, they're about to wax the bowstrings...

Fischl clears her throat. She's going to start.

"The nightmares," Fischl says awkwardly.

Collei shoots her a glare. "Stay. Out."

"In my defense, it's one of the things that's most important to me-- finding some way to get in and untangle you from everything. It's a bad place. Let me--"

"We're still friends," Collei cuts her off, "but please don't push this. There's nothing good to find there. And it's not going to do anything good for our bond."

Fischl clenches her jaw. How is Collei so sure that there's nothing in there that won't bring them closer together if they deal with it?

"I know I've been caught off-guard a few times now. But I have also witnessed vicious things by light of day. I may be more ready to face gruesome facts than you realize. If you prepare me for your nightmares, then I would be grounded in facing thine old phantoms, and better able to help thee endure the consuming demons of thine past..."

"...Prepare you? How?"

Fischl pauses her work, and closes her eye. Collei won't like Fischl's request...

"I need to know everything about you."

The reaction is a visceral "No!"

Fischl steps away.

"I know you've read spooky things in books, and probably lived some dangers too," Collei says, "but no. No way. I don't want you there. I can't tell you everything, I'm sorrry. Stay out."

Fischl's voice gets firmer. "We have our soulmate thread. I have some obligation to you, especially since thou art younger and smaller, and I tarried ages in ever coming to help you..."

"I don't care! You fill the obligation fine! You're my best friend by day; that's all I want and it's better than I could have asked for, so please just drop the issue so we can stop arguing!"

"I take your compliment highly, mine ranger, but I will not 'drop the issue' and leave you to face the horrors!"

"It's my past! I can take it!"

Collei isn't well-rested either, and it's showing.

Fischl grumbles, leaning in very, very close to Collei's face (but obviously avoiding touching her).

She's been frustrated but now she suddenly changes her tone to a very gentle lilt. She knows she has to handle this next bit as delicately as possible. She also feels herself sounding a little playful, but only in a muted, stifled way, like she's toned it down but couldn't entirely get rid of it.

Fischl hopes she's doing the right thing.

Fischl, monitoring Collei's wary-but-tolerant body language closely, says:

"What did The Doctor inject in you?"

Collei scrambles backwards away from Fischl, as Fischl gazes after her with an apologetic (but not regretful) look in her eye. Fischl just HAD to say The Doctor with the authority of someone who KNOWS the words are capitalized. She could have not mentioned him, even! Argh! She knows too much, this is too vulnerable, and this sucks!

"No. No. No, I'm not telling! You shouldn't have to know! Your knowledge should stop there!"

"I shouldn't have to know, when it's the very focal point of everything? The missing piece?"

"I hate that you know as much as you do. Can't it just be enough that you know that I was helpless and miserable and sad?"

Let it stop there. If it has to go anywhere, let it stop at Fischl knowing Collei is a victim.

Oh, Collei.

So stubborn...

Fischl makes herself act as soothing as possible. That's a way that she gets good results from Collei some of the time: just treat her like the little kid she is who needs some comfort. "But what if knowing the full story helps me help you in other ways as well?"

"No. No, no, no. You can get to know me for who I am now. That should be enough for you."

Oz pitches in and says something for the first time in this conversation. "What of the things that do not come out by day? What of monsters lurking in the dark?" (Fischl appreciates the help.)

"You need to stop! Before you get any farther! I can't take it! I can't handle you knowing the worst parts! Before you get hurt worse!"

"I just want to help you. Please. I can't do it unless you let me in, tell me everything, and don't kick me out again."

Fischl knows she's pushing it.

"No. Just leave it there. You know enough about me to understand... and there really isn't anything else you should need to know. Promise."

Collei hands Fischl a tin of extra bowstring wax from her pocket.

(Collei is lying. And trying to distract her.)

"But what do I know?" Fischl asks, ignoring the tin that Collei has offered. "I actually feel like the more I pick up on, the less I understand of you."

"I survived," Collei says. "I got out somehow. I wound up in Monstadt and got sent to Tighnari. That's all that matters now. The pain I went through shouldn't have any hold on me anymore. It's gone, so it doesn't matter."

"I don't agree with that answer," Fischl growls.

Collei makes angry eyebrows at Fischl. "So what about you?! I'm just now learning that-- that I don't know anything about you when-- when you have big stuff of your own going on. Why should I have to open up and not you?"

...What?

Does Collei know something? No, no. There's nothing big that's missing. This is getting yet more frustrating, fast, though.

Fischl still is struggling to acknowledge what Collei just said, though... what did somebody tell her? What could she know about Fischl's personal plot holes?

"I love you, so that's why I feel like we shouldn't fight. I won't press for yours, if you don't press for mine." Collei gets up, an expression of tight resignation drenching her entire posture. "I'm going to go get my space. Let's hang out later at lunch or something."

"But-- soulmate!! The rain later? Thine constitution?"

Fischl reaches after Collei.

Collei dodges. "Stop trying to touch me! It's a bad day for it!"

And thus, their conversation ends, and Fischl has made no progress.

Chapter Text

Fischl is tired. So tired. She really does hope Collei is stronger than her after the previous night.

(But, then, Collei is the one used to the horrors. She might be numb to everything. Maybe the emotional pain really does help her sleep soundly all night, just like a lullaby...)

Fischl steals back to Collei's hut (while Collei is still gone! So Fischl isn't intruding!) and decides to lay down on the floor bedding for a midday nap, for just a quick minute...

...she's in a place that's familiar even though it isn't a patch of rainforest she specifically knows. The sunlight is warm. The plants are blossoming.

It's very Collei. The air itself is permeated with Collei's presence. The smell of herbs and Dendro energy... heavy medications and dirt in the woods...

Oh! Collei's goddess!

Fischl kneels down. "Oh, Archon, please... grant me wisdom, for navigating my next move of this impossible ordeal..."

Nahida walks up to her.

Fischl immediately understands that her kneeling isn't being perceived as inherently any act of deep godly reverence or anything, because... Nahida's a short kid. Shorter than Collei, even. This is sort of just what it takes to get on the same level as Nahida, when they're not both sitting down together.

"You're supposed to be smart. What are you asking me for?" Nahida asks. "You're the one who's almost there. Nobody has any more hints for you, dumb-dumb. Just go and figure it out already."

Drat!

Fischl goes out on her own patrol. It's easy for her to ask Tighnari for a task that can be assigned to her, and then to go do it: to specifically request some task that can be done solo, but that would be rough on Collei if Collei tried to do it herself. And Fischl needs to make herself useful, especially if it's of benefit to Collei (like after the recent rummaging of Tighnari's herb plot). So she is willing to go to high hills and a distant end of the forest, to check for trouble and tend to local plants (according to Tighnari's strict instruction) and drive back whatever petty enemies may cross her path.

Tighnari appreciates her help, too; he briefly gives Fischl a proper introduction to Kaveh, whom he is busy tending to this morning.

The hard part of it, for Fischl: Enduring Tighnari's questioning look.

But...

"You're... you're not even asking what's going on between me and Collei?"

"Well, I figure you two are having a disagreement. I would say fight but that feels like too strong a word."

Fischl bites her lip.

"Yes-- but--"

"I wasn't going to inquire. It's between you two, and as I said yesterday, I trust you with Collei's feelings. You two will work it out."

But work it out how?

"You're not... having second thoughts about me?"

Fischl, as she talks, picks awkwardly at her sleeve, and the hole that's starting to show in the elbow from the wear of her adventures. She's not looking as put-together as she once did.

"We've already talked about this. You passed my muster; if you really did turn out to be a slow poison, then it's Collei alone who has the authority to judge you. Really, I think you're just confused, though." Tighnari adjusts his small pair of glasses as he sorts through vials of dried herbs. Fischl hears a muffled groan from Kaveh in the other room; something about how dry it is in Gandharva Ville. "I'm not able to personally understand the drama of thread soulmates, so I'm not going to intervene. Not unless you ruin her life or break her heart. That's all there is to it."

Fischl bites her lip. She isn't getting what she wants out of this.

Okay, fine. She'll ask directly.

"Can you just... give me advice?"

"Advice on what?"

"...How to get through to her."

Tighnari's ears swivel downwards. He looks miffed. Like the question itself was wrong.

"I don't have advice on that," he says. "Collei comes to things in her own way. Most of the time, I have to let her experiences get to me. I'm not rational enough to claim to understand her, unless I listen to her and she can help me understand. But I don't force things on her. It'd be wrong."

"But what about if you really needed her to listen to you on something?"

"Well, I have occasionally invoked my authority as her caretaker to get her to rest... but it's not great to do. It's paternalistic, and violates her independent spirit. I try to avoid it. ...I'm really just an advisor. She should have the final call on her own care."

Fischl does see what he means about Collei's independence. She's witnessed it: What Razor describes as "the smell of Monstadt" on her. She's a strong kid and able to do lots of things herself, when her disease doesn't interfere... maybe she's freer than Fischl. Fischl's jealous.

"...So what do you say?" Fischl asks, hoping she can just get a tiny bit more out of him.

"I say, you know what you're doing, you're the one who knows about you and Collei's situation, and you're going to get through this. Either she listens, or you listen, I don't care-- now, shoo, I'm trying to tend to an alcoholic."

"I can quit at any time!" Kaveh yells from his cot.

"Well, you didn't!" Tighnari snaps. "We're getting you sober! There's not a drop to be had for miles!"

Kaveh, sounding hopeful, asks:

"How many miles?"

Fischl rolls her eye and leaves on patrol.

Fischl doesn't know what she's doing that afternoon.

She gets into a low corner of the forest at an inopportune hour that the rain is crashing down in massive waves.

All she can do is try to get into an off-the-ground hollow of one of the more massive trees and wait it out, as she wishes she'd brought at least one of her friends with her. Preferably Bennett for the warmth, but it doesn't have to be him...

...she really thinks that any company right now would take the edge off.

A strange silhouette crosses her vision and Fischl can't help but blurt out-- "Aren't you cold?"

The short male on the tree branch across from her turns to look at her.

And lo, Fischl sees the rain spilling off of the brim of his hat (may as well be as wide as he is tall!) in perfect curtains, as not a single drop touches his own body.

"I'm not getting wet at all," he says, in a voice so neutral that Fischl can't guess at any emotion he's going through.

"But the air-- it's so cold today--"

"It's okay." He speaks with an uncannily-neutral smile and his eyes sparkle like crystals. Fischl's body tenses up completely as he keeps speaking. "I don't mind the cold. Or anything, really."

"Anything?" Fischl asks. "What, so you wouldn't care if the wind blew your hat off, or you went somewhere dangerous and your body hurt, or--"

"I don't feel things like pain, or I wouldn't care much about it if I did." The wanderer holds out a hand; it makes it beyond the hat brim, and a trickle of the rain jumps down to join with his skin and cling against his arm and make it into his clothing; he does not betray any discomfort with so much as a shudder. "It's easy, that way. Not having to feel."

Fischl is stricken. She doesn't think she's ever met anybody so empty. But that's the only word she can use for this fellow: empty. Otherwise she'd call him a nice-looking guy, or a cute candidate for a friend, or at least a wanderer who has his life together and is prepared for anything. But she can't describe him as any of those. It's unnerving.

"You seem confused. Troubled, even. Why bother to care?"

...The words sound familiar. Fischl's just glad her soulmate has way, way more of a kick to her (and a bite or a slap, if it comes down to it) than this guy does. Heck, Collei even has spite. She's packed with strong flavors, even if they're connected to the most damaged aspects of who she is.

...Archons. Being as damaged and abused as Collei must still be so much better than being numb.

"I'm not worried about you," Fischl says, trying to play it all off by drumming her fingers on her arm. "I'm just thinking about whoever your soulmate is, and... wondering if they would care. Even if you don't."

The wanderer raises his arms outwards and slightly upwards. A power-pose worthy of the villains of this world... except it looks benign and unthreatening, coming from a person who cannot truly care.

"There are no strings on me," he says. "I have no soulmate. If I so did, it would only be a burden on us both."

After the wanderer leaves, Fischl just curls up in a compact ball to conserve her own energy. Oz shields her as best as he can from the wind that creeps in. Fischl is now painfully-aware of that worn spot on the sleeve that's turning into a hole now, after it snagged on something earlier...

"What if I want you to be a burden?" Fischl whispers. "What if I want you to be the heaviest burden in the whole world?"

What if I get stronger from carrying you?

"So close," Nahida muses, during the little darkness that Fischl slips off into. "But so far away..."

Fischl's hands clench on the arms of her chair as she stares at the little goddess.

...Oh.

Oh!!

When Fischl finally comes back to camp, it's late in the afternoon.

She changes clothes and then gets Bennett's help for warming up (the rain stopped but Fischl is still drenched).

And, then she finally catches up with Collei.

Collei's at a stream by the edge of the village. She doesn't seem to be doing much besides airing herself. Fischl hopes she's been alright and that her afternoon has been relatively pain-free.

Collei glares a dagger at her. But Fischl doesn't try to close the distance. Not with apologies, not with physical touch, not with any of that. Fischl keeps away.

But she does come and sit down a few feet away from her.

Collei doesn't approach. And she doesn't look at Fischl directly. She side-eyes her.

"I've decided... I'm done with my control freak stuff."

Collei doesn't respond. Fischl wouldn't be offended by a 'thank goodness,' however. (It would maybe be nice to hear.)

"I'm also not going to burden you with an apology. I just wanted to ask you for help with something."

"Me? For help?"

Collei hasn't taken offense. It's disbelief, rather.

In place of any kind of explanation, Fischl hands her the garment with the torn sleeve.

Collei takes it without protest. She instead just runs her fingers through and around the frayed hole. Gears are turning inside her mind; the possibilities are presenting themselves.

"Um... I think I can do this for you. It probably won't take that long. Just a patch?"

"Yeah," Fischl says. "You can just use your best judgment. I trust your handiwork."

Collei just stares at it, intense and thoughtful and full of wonder all at once.

And then Fischl doesn't see her again until late that afternoon, closer to the dreaded hour of an awkward decision about bedtime and who sleeps where.

Collei finds Fischl and then pulls her aside into an especially-quiet corner of Gandharva Ville, where they crouch low in the shadow of a cliff and watch a waterfall. Sunset is making the air chilly and the sky red.

Several seconds tick by of just the water crashing down.

Collei presents Fischl with the garment.

Fischl takes it with reverence. A square patch of white hemp fabric covers the damage. The stitches are thorough rows all across. It's not flawless technique, but it's impressive, and better than Fischl herself could have done. It looks stronger than it did before there was ever a hole. It has more character. And it's something that's more obviously been cared about.

"Do you have anything else you'd like to ask me now?" Collei asks. "I'm feeling a little better. Even if... even if you were pressing the boundaries earlier."

Ouch. But it's true. Fischl needs to reel that in.

Should she ask again now, for Collei to open up? No. Fischl resists the temptation. It would only make her lose progress now. It would hurt her.

"No. I just would like to say... thank you. And you did a great job."

Fischl doesn't touch Collei herself. All she does is run her fingers carefully over Collei's threadwork. It looks so durable...

"Sit down," Collei says. "You gave me time to think. I have my piece to say."

Fischl complies. She and Collei sit together.

Collei looks exhausted, but Fischl can tell that she doesn't resent what she's just done for Fischl. Of all the things Collei could resent, it seems she doesn't mind doing a small favor. The nature of it may have been restorative, even.

"You're really, really not going to ask again for me to... let you in?" Collei asks.

Fischl curls a strand of hair around one finger. "Some contrarian I would be. I'm not exactly the most open companion in the world."

"Our situations are a different." Collei crosses her arms, but gazes up at Fischl rather than turning away. "You're trying to get in for a reason... and you're trying really hard, because it's a really good reason. And I'm just keeping you out because... because I'm selfish."

"Selfish? No! You didn't want me hurting in there!"

Collei shakes her head.

"That was never the reason," Collei says. "At least... not the entire reason."

Holy. Holy crap. Collei's already opening up, is she? Is this progress? Fischl wills her nerves to calm down so she can pay close attention...

"What's the rest of the reason?" Fischl asks.

"It's because... if you have to see any of my nightmares at all... I only wanted you to see the ones that make you see me as a victim. In fact, I wanted you there so you could feel bad for me, even if it wasn't the best thing for us." Collei slumps forward, head in folded arms. "You have the right to know and all, but... I don't like the idea of you knowing what comes next. I don't like the thought of your opinion of me changing for the worse. And I know you'll probably tell me you'll love me the same, but... I don't know how to take somebody's word on that. I'm not capable of trusting you enough. I'm sorry."

This is Collei's scary voice. The one that doesn't creep out often, but when it does, it shuts Fischl up fast and makes her take detailed notes inside her mind.

And it's also fragile. Gods, Collei sounds so miserable and weak.

All Fischl says is, the cliche-but-very-true "You don't have to apologize."

Why should she, anyways? Of course trusting people is hard.

Collei cracks a brief smile. Her eyes are watery. But maybe Fischl is able to give her a little bit of hope. If Collei can just come to hope and believe that Fischl won't abandon her if she knows the full truth... that's key, isn't it?

"I think now that you were always right, when you said you can handle it. I was just lying because I'm selfish and want to guard my shame as much as I can. I know that the only cure would be telling you so I didn't have anything bad to hide anymore, but that doesn't make it easier."

"Of course it doesn't," Fischl commiserates.

They spend a few minutes just listening to the waterfall crash down.

"What we have is so nice," Collei says, sounding relaxed. "I just wanted to cling to it forever without you knowing the full truth."

"I don't understand any of this," Fischl says. "I don't see how this would change what we have, I don't see how I would suddenly see you as something bad..."

"You could." Collei leans sideways, letting her weight fall on Fischl. Collei doesn't ask permission (there's no need, from her to Fischl) but the thing that's really surprising is it's the first time they've touched since morning. Have they really patched everything over so quickly? "You could and I'm scared."

"Should I be afraid?"

"What, of me, in addition to the things that have been done to me?"

Fischl cautiously nudges Collei. "So you have all this extra pain, and you think I'll stop seeing you as a victim? You're saying that makes sense?"

Collei shudders. Fischl feels it.

"I just need a little longer," Collei says. "And you can't sleep in my room tonight. But, um... I'm ready to start preparing to tell you. I will tell you, soon."

Oh.

Oh!

Fischl's done it!

And... and Collei is speaking with the "we" now.

Wow.

She did it.

She got through.

She won!

...But at what cost?

Collei is crying. Damn.

"How do you feel?" Fischl asks.

"Filled with dread."

Oh.

"Is it alright to touch you?" Fischl asks. "With one finger?"

Collei scoffs.

Fischl backs off a little further. "...Only if you want it. It's an offer, not an obligation."

Collei spits out, "Fine. Do it! I'm not scared!"

Fischl kneels over Collei's huddled body, extends just one single finger, reaches out with the tip as though she's just going to place it on the tip of Collei's nose...

...and then, as though changing her mind suddenly, lays it over the bridge instead. She's even prodding Collei's forehead a tiny bit.

Oh. Well, that's kind of nice. Weird, but it's unusual enough that it doesn't feel like one of the scary touches would. It's the weirdest variant of the "technically doesn't break the one-finger rule" that they've had yet. It feels soft and fuzzy. Collei is still a little angry, after today and last night, but it's muddled and confused now. Fischl makes everything confusing by virtue of being good.

Razor's blunt words echo in her mind: "Fate crazy." Because yes... Fischl is a mismatch for Collei.

"I want to meet the part of you that you hate," Fischl says. "I want to know everything. I know you're more than your past."

Collei glares at Fischl, but Fischl's winning, because she doesn't look unhappy about it.

"You can show me the Collei who didn't make it to the sunlight," Fischl says. "The Collei you think is undeserving of love."

Shit! How does Fischl understand this much?!

"I think you're underestimating how bad it gets," Collei says nervously.

Fischl gives Collei that sly look once again.

"I know you begged," Fischl says. "You wanted him to stop. But nobody ever heard you, right?"

Collei shakes her head. She's not even brave enough to tell Master Tighnari all of that. Tighnari hates The Doctor, but he doesn't know about Collei's patheticness in full.

"I'll hear you," Fischl says. "And I'll stop him from hurting you in the night."

Collei places both her hands over Fischl's one that is touching her.

"It's a burden on me," Collei says. "Not knowing yet how you'll feel about me when... when you hear the full story."

"And if you matter all the more to me after I know everything?"

Collei blinks back tears.

"Then you'd be better than I could ever deserve," she says. "And... I'd want you by my side forever."

Fischl speaks with Oz a little later that evening, privately.

"Am I manipulative?" she asks him.

Oz bobs his head at her. "Mein Fraulein, after your discussion with Collei, how could you possibly think that?"

"I just... I... I don't know." Something didn't sit right. That's all.

Is she self-aware enough? Is this helping Collei, genuinely? She puzzled today out pretty well, in the end... but... she also keeps second-guessing herself and the end goal of all this.

She thinks back to Tighnari and things that he's said to her, as Fischl runs her hands over the patch in her sleeve.

Fischl has a lot of power over Collei. It's true.

Collei's attachment to her makes so many things doable for Fischl, but still... it's a little disturbing, now that she can see it for herself. Sure, it was hard, but it worked out so well in the end that it's uncanny. Like all she had to do was tilt the board the right way and all the pieces fell to her side.

If she ever, ever did wrong by Collei now... it would be sin.

Chapter Text

Fischl sleeps separate from Collei one last time, without complaining and without needing any further justification. But it's just one more night. Collei will do her best to not have to make Fischl wait any longer than that. After all, the goal is that Fischl will be close enough to protect Collei, and will know enough to be fully armed about what's in the dark of her nightmares.

But there's still the lingering fear of something Collei dreads most of all: losing Fischl's acceptance.

She hopes it doesn't come to anything like that. She wants to believe in Fischl. She really, really wants to.

Either way... if it's going to end... it may as well end now. Collei doesn't deserve to be able to hide anything from Fischl longer than that.

"Master Tighnari," Collei says, that day (before even discussing it with Fischl; after all, Fischl is going to jump on it with an instant "yes" to be sure). "Could I be spared an evening? I want to take Fischl camping in the woods with me."

Tighnari's ears immediately perk upright. "Oh! Have you two patched things over already?"

"Um... sort of. We're getting there. I just need time alone with her to talk more about it."

Tighnari nods, not even judgmental of the obvious: Collei is trying to have a conversation that can't be overheard by him. Collei knows that her Master has an unshakable respect for her privacy; she's very glad that he treats her that way.

But still... there's still one holdup he has.

"I've placed a lot of trust in Fischl to take good care of you and your emotions," Tighnari says. "I have faith that she will continue to be a good soulmate for you. After all, fate isn't sloppy, and even soulmates who fight and argue can still mean a lot to each other at the end of the day. But..."

Tighnari stops.

Collei tilts her head and asks: "But?"

Tighnari answers in a mumble. "...If she ever says or does something really dumb and insensitive, just come tell me so I can whack her on the head, okay?"

Fischl looks indifferent to everything. Blank look on face. Probably troubled.

She's productive, though: she's on her hands and knees, replacing a broken board that Bennett had tried pointing out to Collei several days ago. It's a bit odd for a girl wearing any kind of fluffy dress to be on the floor and hammering down a nail, but Collei's getting used to seeing stuff like this from her.

"Princess!" Collei says, to get her attention.

Wait, what was that? She'd been trying to think of nicknames for Fischl (because honestly, she's getting comfortable enough around her that she just needs something a bit looser and more casual to call her) but had nothing fitting like all the different little things she gets called by Fischl.

But that thing she'd said just now... Princess... that sounds natural! Maybe still a little weird (for anyone except Fischl) but in their case it works.

Fischl, as surprised as she looks by it, answers to it without hesitation. "Collei."

"Um. I wanna take you camping out in the woods with me tonight. The weather is all clear now. And... I want to get some space from home and just, uh, maybe share some scary stories with you? If you know what I'm talking about..."

"What manner of tales do you have to regale me with?" Fischl asks. "Faerie ballads of a disturbing nature? Modern horror of Inazuman literature?"

"No, and no." Collei feels her stomach flip as she has to just explain it. "I'm finally telling you all about me."

Fischl blinks.

"So... some distance, and in the middle of the woods... just the two of us while you tell me... everything?"

Collei swallows as she nods anxiously.

"Let me prepare some on my own," Fischl says softly. "I'll be happy to go camping with you."

It means Fischl is ready. Fischl is (or thinks she is, anyways) ready for anything Collei could conceivably throw at her, and Collei has no more excuse.

Fischl dismisses Collei with a tap on the bridge of the nose, and then gets back down to continue her work.

A densely-wooded hill covered in deep shadows.

Well-packed rations.

Some easy monsters that are made short work of by Fischl and Collei's combined means -- Aggravate reactions, raven and cat, and just plain good bowmanship -- but the beasts are only hilichurls, meaning they'll be back later enough to bother somebody else, but that's not important right now.

Collei is the one who sets up their bedrolls and tent as the night gets totally dark (the moon has waned away to nothing).

Meanwhile, Fischl sets a strategic, well-built campfire, perfectly executed from the firestarter to the stacked branches over top. Not long after it's ignited, Fischl is cooking some stew and warming some dense bread. They chatter idly about lesser things; Monstadt, the boys, the kinds of books Collei does manage to get through. Fischl even ribs Collei just a tiny bit, asking if she'll finally answer the big question of how she met (and got adopted by) Tighnari, saying Collei gets the privilege of having a cool mentor (it flusters Collei because, agh, emotions! Even those happy things feel sensitive!).

The two of them eat until they've had their fill (which Collei cannot say she's always had in her life). Nothing disturbs them, and both of their bows lay together on the ground... ready if they need them, but at peace because they don't.

They are sheltered and the night is somber, and Collei desperately hopes Fischl will be able to fulfill the promise of making Collei finally feel safe.

It's either that... or Fischl will drift out of Collei's life as quickly as if she'd never been in it at all.

They have a little while of just a relaxed peace between them. Collei mends a tear in Cuilein-Anbar; Fischl washes their cookware and makes sure all is in order.

Then Fischl flumps down by Collei's side (not touching her, of course, but it's uncharacteristically nonchalant) and she says, "Hey."

"Hmm?" Collei asks. Not because it was a scary "hey" or anything, but because this is Fischl and Fischl doesn't say "hey."

"I am... aware... that you're having to make yourself vulnerable to do all this." Fischl gives Collei a thoughtful glance. Collei is expecting a little poke or something, but Fischl doesn't give one. "Reaaallllyyy vulnerable."

How does Collei explain that? What does she add? That she's discovered she has to be vulnerable in order to not die? That it's necessary to tremble under Cyno's touch, so he can tell that the great evil is still pushed deep down where it can't escape? That she has to let Tighnari handle her body when she's at her most feeble and can do nothing for herself, or else her illness will just get worse and worse? Does she explain now that she spills her heart to Amber in letter after letter just to avoid breaking anywhere else in life?

"I don't even know that I'm really ready now," Collei says, not feeling nearly as casual as her words sound. "I just kind of... I just... I know that I have to go ahead and let you in for things to all work out."

Collei has the sense that something is off, and she just hasn't figured it out. Why is Fischl talking to her about it from this angle? Oz isn't present, but that isn't too strange, since Fischl doesn't bring him out all the time. Maybe it's the fact that they're alone together? There's something else though. Like it's the lack of strangeness that is, itself, strange.

Fischl blinks, her expression unusually soft, cautious, and tethered to reality.

Wait.

Oh.

Oh my gosh!!

"Fischl?! Where's your eyepatch?! Don't you... uh... need that? ...No. You don't need it."

"I took it off. ...And, I do need it for most things, but... just not right now."

This. Is. Surreal.

"...I kept wondering if you had both eyes! I thought, surely the eyepatch is something she needs, but what if it isn't?! In my mind, it made a weird kind of sense for you to maybe... maybe be wearing it for some other reason?"

"Well, there's no medical reason I need it."

"...Okay, wow, this is strange. Really, really strange. In fact, wait, hang on! Wearing that all the time can't be good for your eye. Let me have a look!"

"No, there's nothing wrong with my eye. Not even from wearing it all the time. Call it weird quirks of using a Vision." The girl finally gives Collei a firm jab to the collarbone. "And if you're wondering why I'm breaking character, I'm feeling fine too. This is... just... me... trying to find something that could possibly put us on even ground. ...Even though I don't have anything that could rival all the things I believe you're going to tell me tonight."

"...Um. Explain again?"

"What Amy means," says Oz, appearing out of nowhere, "is that she wants to be vulnerable, to make you more comfortable."

Collei lets out a squeak.

What did Oz just call her?!

As Collei scrambles away, she gets a full look at her soulmate and just how nervous and mortified she looks.

The older girl is beyond embarrassed. She's red in the face. It hits Collei that this situation just got much more difficult for her than it is for Collei (at least, until Collei really opens up). Collei is plenty willing to admit her past mistakes and childishness at times, but who does Fischl ever do this for?

"Oz just called you..."

"Amy," Amy says. "My birth name is Amy and there's no problem with you knowing it."

"And I can call you that?" Collei asks, just to verify. "...Anytime?"

"For tonight, definitely. And any time that it's just us. But not if others are around."

Wow. This is everything Collei wished for when she first met Fischl. But now, though, after getting to respect "Fischl" as-is... this is difficult to adjust to. She can't even believe the things she's hearing... the voice is familiar but the words sound like something is wrong.

"Could you explain a teensy bit more? Like, I always knew you'd have a birth name, but, um, does it get complicated? ...Is it like one of those light novels where a person has more than one spirit?"

"Absolutely not. It isn't two separate halves of me, and I don't even call it a split personality. Just try to imagine the same person being looked at from two drastically different angles. That's all it is."

"So, um... the Amy angle is like..."

"...A top-down view. Not one I use a whole lot." Amy drums her fingers on her arm as she stops shying away from Collei. "I don't even use my Vision like this. This angle is weak so the other one can be strong."

Collei still can't believe it. Amy seems so... average? Ordinary? Definitely vulnerable.

But still, even so...

(Collei wished so hard for a "normal" soulmate when they first met. Then she came to know and love Fischl and forgot all about that misguided wish. Now that Fischl is actually revealing Amy to her... Collei feels grateful but also confused, like she's feeling weirdly bad for what she first thought when she met Fischl.)

"Do you... like me like this?" Amy asks. "I could... I could just be Fischl instead."

"No! It's okay! ...I like Amy. I like you from any angle."

They're the same person. Amy is as nice to her as Fischl is. Collei cares about her as both.

"This is ultimately good for her," Oz says, hopping forward a step. "As much renown as she has garnered through her ability to compartmentalize, this side of her has been rather neglected."

Amy squeaks, apparently not liking that Oz can put her on full display like that.

Collei smiles. "It's fine. Really, I promise. You're being vulnerable but I'm not going to hurt you. We are on the same field now."

Amy stares at her in shock, unable to even be indignant about any of it, or upset with Oz for laying everything out in the open anymore.

"...Amy?" Collei asks.

"I just... I just... um..."

Collei's soulmate being awkward like this? Unreal!

"Are you sure you wouldn't rather have Fischl for this? Really, really sure?"

"You are Fischl," Collei says. "I know you're one person, but you're both of you. Amy, Fischl... either one is strong enough to handle this."

They don't get straight into any of the bad stuff.

They spend the first hour just sitting around, keeping a campfire going, roasting fruit, and catching up on what they've done while away from each other. It's eerily casual.

"Oh, Collei?" Amy says, smirking. "I have something extra."

"...What did you bring?"

Amy reaches down into her bottomless bag of supplies she seems to always have, and...

Oh. My. Gosh.

A bag of marshmallows?! And... chocolate crackers, and chocolate??

This kind of thing violates her regular diet to an extreme degree... it's on par with the indulgent delicacies she has to politely refuse from Madam Faruzan! It's junk food!

Collei goes pale with shock, even as she also salivates. How, how does Amy find this stuff?

And, moreover, why exactly?

Amy starts poking her in the face.

"We're making s'more's, Collei. Roasted marshmallows with melted chocolate. Monstadt campfire essentials. Junk. Food." Amy's voice is unwavering. "I met a merchant today who somehow knew I was looking for these goods. It was extremely lucky."

Collei isn't processing.

"But... um... the kinds of things I'm supposed to be eating... Master usually steers me away from--"

"Yes. But. He wants you to get to be a teenager. Coaxing that hesitant growth spurt out of you will take more than just 'be active' and 'get lots of protein.'" Amy has a vicious grin now that refuses to leave her face. "You also need irresponsibility and staying up late and having a normal teenage amount of crazy shenanigans."

Collei stays very quiet.

"You're very well-behaved," Amy says. "A little too much of the time, maybe. Don't you ever break any rules?"

"Like, what? The ones Master Tighnari sets for me? How could I!"

"You should. It does't have to be much." Amy grins a bewildering, fearsome grin. "But you should break a couple, just to show that you're an ordinary teenager. It would set him at ease!"

What?! How would that set him at ease?? None of what Amy just said makes sense!

Except... hm.

Collei pictures Tighnari in her mind. Always wondering if she's alright. Always happy for her to really speak to him... happy whenever she had the nerve to make progress and become less and less the self-isolated child just terrified of doing any wrong or stepping out of line.

"Are you scared he'd give you a hard time?" Amy asks.

"I was scared of him when we first met," Collei concedes. "Scared of asking anything more of him than he did without asking."

"But you're not scared of him now."

"Not really! He's nice and safe! But... if I disobeyed any of his advice now... um... well, what do you think he'd do?"

"Well, I think he'd heave a big, fat sigh of relief. And if he doesn't..." Amy tears open the bag of marshmallows and shoves a handful out to Collei as she goes back to grinning like a madwoman. "...if he was really upset, then it'd be easy! I could take the blame."

"What?!"

"It's perfect! I just say a few magic apologies and we get the same benefits. He sees you're a normal, misbehaving teenager and not just his timid little kiddo. C'mon! You need to be able to show you have guts, right?"

Amy clearly isn't actually afraid of the worst coming to happen in any regard.

Collei thinks about it.

And, slowly, she lets a fangy smile cross her own face as she reaches out to take some marshmallows to shove in her face.

The night continues.

High blood sugar.

Sticky fingers.

Messy paper packaging.

Crackers that disintegrate into crumbs and have Collei grumbling as she fumbles to try again with a new one.

Marshmallows that slip off the roasting-skewers and plummet into the flames. A right tragedy, except Collei flips the script at the last second by instead dubbing them sacrifices to Kusanali. It's not Collei's usual means of worship for her goddess, but if Kusanali's paying attention, then Kusanali has put up with so many of Collei's imperfections already that this would be received lovingly. Anyways, sloppy afterthought sacrifices would hardly be considered heresy, in comparison to Collei's past deeds.

Between one marshmallow that gets consumed by flame and another that splatters onto the forest floor, they do get a few successful s'mores in there. It's a food that's hot, melty, sticky, and impossible to eat without errant strands of liquid marshmallow getting on her clothes, but Collei understands that the nature of it is that that's the one and only way to eat them: to consume without stressing about the eventual consequences.

Weirdly, when she's several s'mores in, Collei goes from being frantic and worried about what happens later to feeling absolutely sinless. Like this is the only thing that's normal for her to want. Like this is her nature. Not a conscious, bad decision, but...

...A camping trip, with someone who's like an older sibling to her (moreso than Master would be) and is being a bad influence, but only up to a certain extent.

Amy ensures Collei doesn't go light on them and instead eats as many as she really wants to deep down inside.

Collei softens her brain and caves in to the peer influence. It's fun, and Amy would never let her do anything actually self-destructive.

(Another part of her inside her brain dares to hope harder, and maybe even believe a tiny bit... that Amy's acceptance of her won't change after tonight.)

Starting with words would be too impossible, so Collei gets out her little sketchbook that she had packed.

She has finally come to understand the point of art. Kaveh is a wonderful man for sending over some art supplies just for Tighnari's "young new student learning to read and write." He doesn't know who Collei really is beyond that, and he couldn't possibly have known she'd have this much of a use for "art therapy" or that she had so many horrible things to illustrate, but Collei has filled a large part of her sketchbook over just a few months and she guards it like it's her entire heart.

...Not that she is going to show this stuff to almost anyone. Ever. It's not just "vulnerable;" it's too disturbing! People would hate looking at this kind of stuff!

But, as it turns out, of course, "disturbing stuff that happened to Collei" is exactly what Amy relishes in seeing. Her eyes crave the sights of things that will make her angry. Things that can make her more protective of Collei.

(This part, victimhood, is easy in a way.)

Collei lays her drawings carefully on the dirt. She and Amy both lean on their hands over them. The fire-light is enough to make the contents clear, and Collei flips the pages as they go along.

Collei herself as a messy, filthy little heathen. A layout of a grimy place just the way she remembers it. And different drawings of... of people. People she never liked. People for whom "foe" is not even a relevant word; what were other people, anyways, but objects of her hatred? There was no room for other possibilities.

Big men. Fatui lackeys. Fellow victims.

And then him, of course. Lots and lots of drawings of him.

Collei's skin starts to crawl (and crave his presence in a sickening way) just from her finger passing over the texture of the crayon-art.

Collei thinks her drawings can't do justice to how menacing he was.

Do her drawings do her justice? Do they accurately convey the perspective of a tiny, powerless girl?

What about the pain? Her lingering tear-stains on them are permanent, but can't possibly show the full extent of it. Her messy lines and deliberate angry scribbles... oh, maybe they're depicting everything, or maybe they're not!

Amy delicately holds one page up to the firelight (but not too close). She holds it so carefully... like it's some magnificent piece of fine art. Like it deserves to be framed and put in a showcase.

"What a terrible position for a little girl," is all Amy says.

Collei's art can't possibly show it. She has no skill. But something is changed in Amy now. Even as calm as she appears to be... there's now something off about her. Something that reminds Collei all too deeply of herself.

Could Fischl kill someone if it came down to it?

Collei has the Doctor from many angles. But she always runs out of space on the paper too soon. He's just so gigantic that his presence eats up the whole page really fast.

Collei did capture how minuscule she looked in his arms, and the fact that he was big enough that he could have snapped her and killed her and been done with it.

There's also drawings of him with syringes or scalpels or rope. Or other bad things. Collei doesn't really have words for every single medical instrument of his, but she's scared of them even now.

In every drawing of Collei herself, she's crying. She never ran out of tears. In her helplessness and immobility, they couldn't ever stop her. They could beat her for misbehaving or whining and tell her she was a filthy little shit and she'd still not manage to suck it up. It's like it was Collei's one act of defiance, and it was worth leaning into even though the consequences would add up and up and up into more pain for her.

At first, Collei had felt so violated for Amy to look at the art, since it was without permission and she wasn't ready. But now that Collei shows them to Amy willingly, her heart starts beating faster in a warm way. She keeps feeling fuzzier and more and more hopeful. Maybe Amy will understand and love her more once she knows everything. And then Fischl will stay and protect her from nightmares, because she'll have the power to do so.

The catch... it really does have to be everything. Especially the parts most shameful. There's no way to do this with omissions. If it's a secret more significant than a minute insecurity, then Collei had better tell her. So, Collei doesn't know yet that this is all going to work out; she could still lose Fischl from this, instead of have her forever like she's hoping.

Even though the drawings have wrinkles and tears in them already (some of them were even completely crumpled and then un-crumpled by Collei herself in indecision), Amy continues to handle them like they're priceless and must not be damaged any further. She holds them with as minimal contact with her fingertips as possible. And she looks at them with something almost identical to admiration.

"We really hate him, don't we?" Amy asks.

She's looking at Collei's final drawing of the Doctor: the drawing where his mouth is lined with teeth that are, themselves, needles.

"Yeah," Collei says, hugging her knees.

Amy has nothing more to say, but she reclines in a comfortable position and rests her gaze on the last drawing in silence for a good long while, as Collei slouches against her, weary from how much she suffered in those memories, and now feeling like she's finally taking a chance to rest after that happened.

Once Collei has been still long enough to feel refreshed, she moves on to her verbal explanations.

"And then what?"

"Well, sometimes he prodded me like this--"

Collei does her best to imitate it.

It genuinely hurt when The Doctor pressed all over her arms to investigate her illness. Collei's tiny fingers, of course, can't recreate his oppressive grip. However, Amy's memory of their shared nightmares just might complete the info of how vomit-inducing the mere feeling is.

Amy looks more bemused than bothered. Collei's glad. She wouldn't ever want Amy to hate Collei's touch (not that there's much risk of THAT; Fischl is observably the touch-happiest person Collei has ever met).

Still, what Collei is doing communicates something very real and horrible, as she moves from discussing one procedure to another, and the details spiral into becoming worse and more graphic...

Collei's imitation of any of it can't be more terrifying than a weak tickle to Amy, surely. Nothing Collei can ever do will ever scare her.

But in spite of Collei's patheticness, Amy's whole body is still and she is somberly quiet as Collei makes the suffering known as best as she can.

"In the start, he'd take scales off of my arms, where they were growing from the Eleazar..."

There's a sketchbook page of varied scalpels that Collei remembers the shapes of with a precision that is itself knifelike. Collei mimes cutting motions on her own arms, as she holds out her bare skin; she shows Amy the visible scars from years-old incisions, around patches of scales...

(Collei is letting her scales breathe for a little while, per Tighnari's regular instructions; she'll be having Amy re-bandage them later.)

"Anaesthesia?" Amy asks, in a voice like a desperate little prayer.

"Like, something to numb it? Ummm.... no. I don't think there was ever anything like that involved."

"Not for... anything at all? Even the really bad stuff? You can't really cut into somebody in any way without first making sure they can't feel it... even if it's horrible medical experimentation, then there isn't any way they'll get the results they want unless everything's following a proper procedure, right?"

Oh, Collei's experience is much to the contrary.

She gives an answer that Amy doesn't like.

"There were other kids there, just like me. But I saw a lot of grown adults in there too. He did different things to grown-ups than kids. They'd all end up in really bad shape."

Collei has a lot of drawings of different people with bad things done to their bodies, like miscellaneous parts grafted where they shouldn't be, or a man with a mess of intact guts spilling out of his mouth; that one ended with him just having to stay alive like that for a few days until his body snapped out of its struggle, caught up with the realization that he had no life left, and mercifully let go of him. Many other things too: limbs that were contorted beyond bearable levels of pain, facial features aligning with the wrong orifices, and many other alterations. What those people had couldn't even be classified as conventional medical conditions or disabilities, because they could only be created by deliberate human cruelty. Those things couldn't happen in the wild. Collei can't describe such things as wounds, but were they were also just not survivable. None of them.

"I'm so lucky, Amy. So lucky those weren't done to me. I feel so glad, sometimes, when I think about it... I kept wondering when I would be cut up too or have something really horrifying-bad attached to me or have my body parts rearranged. Maybe he'd even take parts of my body away, like my hands or my feet. He never did that to me though. I'm really, really, really lucky."

Amy has no words for that.

She twitches; it's half a move to hug Collei, but she stifles it, of course.

Collei is aware of how difficult she must be to comfort...

"There were other kids there..."

"A lot of them just died early on. They died from the same thing the Doctor was trying to do to me. Or from other experiments. And then they got thrown out and I didn't see them again."

"Did you... bond with any? Did any care about you?"

"...Not in a very good way." Collei idly moves some pebbles on the ground. "We talked... and sometimes even helped each other... but, none of us were friends. We didn't really think in terms of friendship or liking each other. We were all just... a symbiotic relationship, but not in a human way. It was in a way that didn't have love."

"It was only ever because my parents loved me, that they gave me up. We've talked it over, and... um... to the best of our knowledge, they're dead now and we can't trace their remains. Cyno even investigated it, apparently, after I opened up to Master Tighnari and he passed on some of the info... but Cyno only found bad confirmations."

"Your parents must have loved you so, so much. I'm sure they still do, from... from beyond the grave."

"They... they really must have cared a lot, and all it did was... hurt me, and then kill them..."

Collei weeps. Amy wipes away her tears (carefully, and just one side of her face at a time) and holds out the half-empty marshmallow bag to Collei. Collei gratefully stuffs her mouth and spends half a minute chewing and swallowing.

"Master Tighnari loves me so, so much in their stead... He just... he's just so good to me. He's my family. I have a feeling that he'd feel the same way even if we weren't soulmates."

"Of course he would," Amy says. "I look up to Tighnari too. He's cool. It's so good that you're happy with him."

"I'm so lucky that I have him... and I have so many good things to learn from him... he's so strong and comforting and doesn't let anything ever hurt me... I've never been re-traumatized on his watch. I love him... He took me in even though I was just... was just..."

"An orphaned little girl? Someone who needed a home and a delicate touch? Someone who couldn't live around a ton of people... someone who needed to be somewhere open... out in the forest, surrounded by natural life? Someone who craved healing?"

"...Yeah. All of that?"

"So why did it start to begin with? What did the Fatui offer to your parents in the first place? ...A cure?"

"Yes."

"They lied. It was all a trick. It was a sham!"

"No, Amy. ...It was truth."

Bad miracle.

Collei's Eleazar receded, so the Fatui then deemed that they could do whatever they wanted to her, forever.

After all, she would have been dead otherwise. And nobody was left alive to miss her.

Amy looks startled and wide-awake for the first time that evening. She looks eager and hungry for info. She looks like... well, like Fischl.

"I need to know more about this," Amy says."

"I don't know what they did. But they had something, and they messed with my scales a lot. They managed to make it go away. ...It came back, as you can obviously see."

"They-- we-- there's no leads on this? We don't know anything more?"

"No. I have no idea what they did. And yes, we've thought about it. It drives us crazy" Collei scoffs and scowls as she turns away. "We don't know. Master hasn't figured it out. He cares about it more than even I do, and there isn't any lead on anything."

"But... messing with the scales... the exact procedures... putting together a timeline?"

"It'd be all jumbled up and not reliable at all..."

"But maybe we can try, eventually?"

"...We can try."

"I just wanted to be dead. Every day I hoped they'd kill me, but even if they ever tried, I knew that I... I'd fight to live. Even if also I still wanted to die."

Amy looks on with hopeless sympathy and a frown as Collei keeps telling her more and more.

Collei occasionally wipes a tear. The handkerchief from Madam Faruzan is useful, for that. And... right now... the warmth from the campfire, and the feeling of some good camp cooking... that's pretty nice too.

Amy has mostly been quiet. Is it judgmental? Collei hopes not. At this point, she hopes Amy is just rightfully-horrified... nothing more, nothing less.

Oh, but they're not at the end of Collei's victimhood phase yet... they're not at the very worst thing.

The agony. Screaming. Pain that can't be put into words. Actions that Collei hates remembering. Something that turns into a strangled explanation that turns into belligerent stuttering that turns into Collei just moving behind Amy and squeezing her from behind and cowering for protection from the phantoms of things no longer there, as Amy sits up straight as she can to support her, tough and resilient to Collei's startled little movements.

When she isn't touching Amy and babbling incoherently, Collei is pacing around the campfire, shoving more marshmallows in her face to keep herself going. High blood sugar is helping her with this for whatever reason. Maybe she had to break some diet rules to get this far with her trauma, come to think of it. Everything Amy has suggested tonight turned out to be a good idea. Going camping together was the right approach to take; the two of them play off of each other really well, in weird ways.

"I don't like needles," Collei says when she calms down. "But I still managed to learn how to sew when I got free. Isn't that crazy?"

Crazy? It's survival. There might not be anything else for it, but to take this phobia of great obsession and have some part of it be on her side instead. Needles have mended her clothes and sized down (or patched) the hand-me-downs from either of her role models. A needle created Cuilein-Anbar, for Collei to channel her Vision, keep enemies away from her, and cuddle with at night. Collei cannot hate this one aspect of the fear entirely anymore. She had to get good at sewing. She needed to. And anyways, without some kind of craft, how would she function?

Amy makes sure the fire stays going and that Collei is bundled up enough to keep from getting cold, as the night really starts to get cold.

It wouldn't do to have Collei be anything less than comfortable, with regards to what can be controlled by Amy, no? Amy sees Collei's safety and warmth as the first line of defense. She can't be cold all night, or it would be a risk of a flareup!

Collei fidgets under the blanket Amy drapes over her shoulders, and also trembles as Amy strokes her hair to soothe her. The touch is nerve-wracking and sets off her instincts, but Collei is desperately curious about it. Anything that just feels so wildly different from the experimentation (all the things that Fischl now knows about) can have great potential to just feel warm and fuzzy and nice. If Collei tries, she can learn to stay still for it to just enjoy being comforted by her soulmate like a normal person would.

Collei sits there, smothered under a blanket, conscious of her own full stomach and cover of safety and tough soulmate with a shoulder perfect for leaning against. This is nice. This is so, so nice.

But that's why...

...that's why she dreads this. She loathes this.

Fischl's done so much, to provide so much protection, and bring Collei so much peace of mind, that Collei's defenses are at last lowered all the way. She feels safe sharing and opening up. (Why wouldn't she? Amy is just so safe.)

But, oh, this is a bad position that Collei doesn't like being in (and it's a rare occasion that she's brought into it at all). There's a paradox, because Collei has said before that she'd be dead if she was never vulnerable, but this also isn't how Collei likes to operate.

Collei lives with a dagger strapped to one leg.

Collei lives with her nails grown out just long enough that they can still act as claws in a desperate situation.

Collei can be covert and secretive even with the mentor so trusted with her wellbeing.

Collei doesn't do mortal vulnerability. But here her closest companion has managed to coax it out of her anyways.

This is a dangerous position, but she can't back down from it. There is no way out but forward, into Amy's most burning question that deserves to at last be answered.

"So now," Collei says viciously, her own voice feeling rough and hostile, words coming out hoarsely and slow, feeling like tools that are rugged and rusted and more dangerous from being in disuse, "you get to learn what's in the syringe."

Long ago, in a place that was probably Liyue... a god fought for something like wrath or survival (if there's a difference between the two). The name of the god is no longer known. Nobody has any way of knowing quite who (or what) it was.

The god was killed by something or somebody. Maybe it was another contender in the Archon War; perhaps it was simply the Conqueror of Demons.

Teyvat is not a place where dead things stay dead. (Immortality is fake, of course, except for the most horrifying fact that everyone's a little bit immortal, and it's only the good things that cannot last for an eternal existence.)

Being killed incites hatred. Even without a mind or a cause to work with, the corpse of a god can harbor its own hatred forever, as a tangible poison to the land... like burning blood that won't evaporate from soil.

Collei imagines at times, then, the same entity trying to claw its way back upright and needing to be stamped down again, and again, and again, over the course of many centuries (probably by the Conqueror), and only becoming more hateful and dangerous each and every time...

The first thing Amy says is "You can't put dead gods in bottles."

But Amy knows right away that's wrong. There's worse things out in the world. She already knows that.

(Things like humans who would take the bottled-up dead god and then... think of something bad that could be done to a child with it.)

Collei shrugs.

The answer just sounds so simple. So simple that it makes Amy ask, "that's it?"

But it's also horrifying and hopeless. It's like the subject matter of cheap horror, except it isn't fiction. It ruined Collei's life and she has to live with it. It's real and inside of Collei somewhere even now and she just is still sitting here somehow, criss-cross like a young child, a blanket over her shoulders, her face still smeared from the mess of s'more's they had together as she stares up at Amy with a neutral, resigned look in her eyes.

"There's a black serpent inside of me. It wants to kill. We don't let it."

"Why did they do that to you in the first place? What's the end purpose?"

"Did there need to be a purpose? It was all because they could and I was their wretched little test subject. For all I know, it was just data collection and cold science."

"..."

"It took to me. And it even listened to me a little, doing what I wanted so I wouldn't die. I'm a girl who got turned into an evil monster against my will, and used that for whatever I could even though --" Collei raises her hands like she's begging for something; they tremble, and Amy isn't sure whether it's an Eleazar shudder or just the dread-- "even though, any time I used it, all it did was make every bit of everything all just a little worse."

"Okay, but... you're here. And... it's... subdued, or something. I'm not in danger. ...I'm not in danger, right?"

"I can't use it now. Lemme show you."

Collei takes off her choker that she wears so dutifully, lowers her head, and brushes strands of hair away from the back of her neck. She shuffles around, too, so that the light touches what she's trying to show Amy.

Amy shuffles close and squints in the flickering firelight. She's never seen the back of Collei's neck before. She always figured Collei must be especially protective of it, as the most vulnerable spot on her body... but now she knows that there's a specific reason why.

There's a mark. Nothing more than a closed circle. But it means something.

"You can touch it just to check," Collei says, with uncharacteristic confidence. "It's a seal. So that I won't hurt anybody ever again."

Amy, delicately as she can, accepts the invitation.

Eep! That's normally an even worse spot than her back. Collei bristles and grimaces as Amy traces the perimeter of the seal. It'd be the easiest, simplest spot for somebody (anybody) to kill her. So simple it would be over in an instant.

But it doesn't agonize her like Collei had feared. Instead it kind of just makes her shudder in place.

Amy's finger is featherlight. It's nowhere near what Cyno does when he has to check the seal's integrity (it has never wavered, and he has never missed a month of coming to see her to make sure it's still steadfast). Cyno has always had to touch it firmly; Amy is just inspecting it on a superficial level.

Collei squeaks as Amy finishes with a little tap. Collei always gets nervous. But some of these things are getting less scary, especially as Amy learns more of Collei's filthy secrets and comes to understand her fully (so that maybe Collei can finally feel like she isn't hiding anything bad from her).

"And it's strong?"

"Yeah. Cyno says I'll never be able to use it again. He says that... that my body is my own. And Tighnari's always agreed with him and said nobody can control me or touch me without permission."

"Tighnari's right."

That's all that Collei loves: being free.

The night continues, and Collei is being a very clingy creature.

She goes back to doing little things to try and mock-terrorize Amy the way that The Doctor terrorized Collei for real, when the serpent settled deeper into her body and he had to "make sure" Collei wasn't being killed by it, and the checkups got increasingly more invasive as the months continued. That's what all the touch to Collei's back was about.

Of course, what Collei does to imitate it now is only pretend. Amy cooperates with a look of distant sadness in her gaze as Collei grabs Amy's arm, holds it out, and prods on some vulnerable veins that make Amy squirm (but of course, from Collei all is harmless). Collei also mimes the horrific experience Amy remembers in vivid detail from that one nightmare: the "checkup" where the Doctor did those forceful, ten-at-a-time prods all over little Collei's back while she trembled and pleaded for him to stop.

When Collei does it to Amy, of course, it can only echo faintly the discomfort of the dream. Collei is physically incapable of recreating that horrible sensation, even for sake of explaining trauma.

Amy weirdly thinks this way of doing it is a little fun, as well as therapeutic. Fischl likes that Collei has the chance to act out the role of the person who hurt her, but in an innocent farce; one that's playful but also brings out Collei's voice.

But then there's a global pain that Collei can't give any adequate demonstration or explanation of. It's not like merely being touched. Nowhere close!

Collei asks Amy to think about the serpent itself taking hold. The feeling like blood being on fire. The dread and anticipation being over at last, to finally just be replaced by every nerve in her body exploding with pain.

Amy doesn't have words for it. Is there anything that can be said by anybody?

Collei also then proceeds to say that, as much as the serpent hurt her, it hurt even worse when Cyno gave her the seal. The pain was excruciating. Collei kept wishing she was dead. The pain can no longer be described. It was worse than a nightmare. It was hell.

At that point, Amy has nothing to say, and is clearly having difficulty even imagining the sensation.

She gives Collei a minute to do nothing but lean her full weight against Amy's side and rest her mind and body, as she is exhausted from the memory itself.

"So how did you get free?" Amy finally asks.

Collei took control one day.

The Doctor was out. The opportunity was in. Collei couldn't take it any longer.

She was going to finally take it into her own hands: her reward for all the pain she'd endured. The serpent had pent-up rage and was ready to strike.

She just... finally stopped fearing it as though it was worse than anything else in the "house of healing..." and she at last turned it loose.

She bent metal. She killed guards. The serpent displayed a full wrath that had been stifled and hidden before. Collei had never had the freedom to fight back much while still under restraint; maybe the Doctor would have been able to take her retaliation, but lucky for her that he was gone that day! So very lucky! Collei had wrath, maybe, but the Doctor was the one person she didn't feel strong enough to kill. Collei was the luckiest girl in the whole world on that day!

Collei flung Fatui men dead to the ground. Collei struck furniture and implements and shattered glass. Collei set fire to direct evidence of her own suffering.

Collei killed as necessary. There were surviving members, of the experiments too far gone; she put each one out of their misery. Collei couldn't withstand the bile and sickness and sight of badly-attached or "wrong" body parts any longer. The serpent's abundant wrath complied with Collei's few remaining shreds of empathy to make such a humane deed possible.

Collei hated the place too much to let it stand as anything serviceable. She would leave it hollowed-out and in ruins... She broke the chains, killed most people inside, and freed herself.

The only ones Collei saw fit to spare...

Children. There were children that weren't too far gone.

"Even if it doesn't feel like it, you did the right thing when... when you killed the ones that only wanted to die. And you rescued some kids... that's a good thing, right?"

Collei laughs dryly.

"No, Amy," Collei says. "There's a reason I don't like you knowing what comes next."

Collei finally had power.

Collei declared herself a god. An evil, child god that was willing to kill or maim anyone who crossed her or put jeopardized the structure of their pathetic little band. A wretched thing crawling the earth, a worm in the sight of the real gods... but very capable of godhood in the eyes of the forsaken children alongside her.

It was, at last, the end of Collei's victimhood.

Collei wasn't a good god. In fact, to anyone she had power over? Oh, she was the very worst god.

Collei didn't learn any names. She was the leader of their little band of misery. That was the only social connection that mattered. It didn't matter that none of them had real survival skills. No fire-building, no equipment, not even a good place to sleep... they were at least free, and could be free to live out their misery in the wilderness, making bad choices of what to eat, and with no defense options but Collei herself murdering the adult that dared to stumble across them.

Collei chose the path. What they hunted. What they did.

She protected them sometimes, with the wrath of the serpent...

...and other times...

...other times, she did what the worst would do.

"I was starved for control. We all were. Except I was different, because I had the wrath of the serpent..."

The boy that tried to leave. The first she killed of the other kids. The one that was supposed to set an example... The one that was supposed to put everyone in line...

Well, it sort of worked! For awhile, anyways...

"That set the rest of them, mostly, into being terrified straight of me..."

She thought at first that nobody would cross her again. It got worse though! Because months later, there were three that tried killing her in her sleep because they feared her...

Collei lived by her fight-or-flight reflex.

What else was she supposed to do? Hold the serpent back?

Collei willingly executed those three in front of everybody, and left their bodies for the vultures...

Collei relished in her venomous existence. Yet, it also... it also was killing her, in a different way than her years inside the facility did. Collei was dying. There was a shelf life on her ability to stay in the world without just losing it to despair and... well, most likely picking a fight with an actual god and deliberately getting herself dead in a ditch.

Collei was dying and panicking and realizing her life was trickling out of her hands like water. The Eleazar was back, too, and making her angrier and more miserable by the day. Would the serpent animate her even after the sickness made her immobile? Did such a workaround exist? Would it be better than death, or worse?

"I knew what was happening. Our numbers were running low. I wouldn't have anybody left to terrorize or protect."

Collei was at the end of her rope. Without subjects to force some control onto, what use would her power be?

The last one.

The one who had the chance to save both of them, or a guaranteed shot at saving just himself.

Was it even a choice?

His hand was outstretched for just a moment because he was stupid, and Collei was going to accept it, but he of course chose himself at the last second. Only logical choice. Collei the wicked god would be a lingering danger if she was spared. That boy was only being sensible by saving himself.

By a twist of fate and some total misjudgment on both children's account, the "wise" choice killed him and somehow spared Collei. Collei was left alive and alone for no reason, and no drive or purpose left in her at all.

Collei has heard many times in Sumeru the phrase "karma is a snake."

For her in particular, it's just too close to home.

Collei, forsaken by the gods, forsaken by her own choices... Collei was finally alone, with nothing but her serpent to commune with, as she despaired back down into the position of realizing she was never any god, and thinking that she was only made her more and more of a plaything of fate, a pawn of some high-ranking god that was laughing at her. Collei, the god-child, the worm... the last surviving remnant of Dar-al-Shifa. Collei who clung so desperately to life, realizing that she abruptly had nothing to do with it and it wasn't worth living at all.

The serpent suddenly had nothing left to offer, and Collei also understood the truth that... well... it never did have anything for her.

"They had names. Lives. Futures. I never cared. I took everything from them."

Amy is quiet. Collei has finally presented her with information she was not able to anticipate. Collei should not expect Amy to be able to handle this in a calm, easygoing way.

"I'm not blameless. I'm not innocent. I did bad, bad things with my freedom.

Amy still says nothing. She rests her head on her knees as she hugs her legs. Of course she is... this is a lot to take in...

"It's okay if you see me differently. It's okay if we can't go back to like we were before. I was dreading you finding out for a reason. So now that you know... I'm not just going to expect you to... to still want to take care of me and be my friend forever. I... understand... if you have to leave me forever now."

Collei expects a dreaded "wasn't your fault" that she'll have to argue with. Of course it's her fault! It's obviously her fault!

Amy just says, strangling a sob so she can force some words out: "I can't desert you!!"

Both of them sit across from each other, next to the low-burning campfire, and they are both sobbing. Ugly-sobbing. Tears streaking down faces. Skin going red and not going back. Collei's voice wailing. Amy rubbing away snot before it crawls down to her mouth. Gods, they're both so pathetic.

(But Amy is crying with her.

Amy is crying with her and not turning away.)

"But don't you see I'm wrong to be running free?" Collei asks, when they both finally are calm enough to talk again. (Collei is exhausted. So exhausted that it's like being dead. She won't be able to stay awake much longer.) "I really deserve to have been locked up or killed. There's no reason I should still be alive."

"Then I guess fate still had some use for you."

"Fate should have killed me for my sins!"

"Little Collei, don't you see? Fate gave you a sentence of time served."

Anxious quiet.

Amy crosses her arms and glares at Collei (she does it with a hunched-over posture so as to not look bigger than her though).

"You've suffered enough," Amy insists.

"You're saying fate... what, spared me because of that?"

"Fate looked at you and decided there was no reason to hurt you worse. Or, since you survived in the end, you could still be put to use somehow. And that was true, wasn't it?"

Collei blinks the tears from her eyes.

She's no longer a mere victim... Amy has to see that now Collei is also a monster. Amy sees that. Right?

"It would be wrong of me to see you differently for the past. It clearly wasn't the end of the story, after all. I can't judge you for your middle chapters." Amy pokes at the fire with half-lidded eyes. Because somehow, something turned around."

Collei has less to say about her general travels. And she's quiet about it, as they finally get to the end of the story.

Being spat on. Rejected. Stoned.

Half-assed, ignorant attempts at her own Eleazar care. Shoddy bandages. Avoidance as a survival strategy. Assume the worst even (especially) of the few people who tried to help. Collei preferring to eat inedible things rather than steal and attract more danger to herself. A long, aimless path around Teyvat. A pointless trip through Fontaine. Ducking to avoid projectiles. Hissing and scowling at slimy men who tried creeping on her without knowing what she was. Things occasionally escalating into her letting the serpent out. Rambling through Liyue and realizing she was being stalked by someone wearing a menacing mask and then realizing she had to do her best not to let the serpent out or she'd be killed on the spot. (It was the Conqueror; she intuitively knew why he was following her.)

She knows Amy will already know the place that the turning point was. There shouldn't be many surprises left.

It turns out, though, that there is a surprise left... for Collei.

Amy carefully supports Collei's chin with just one finger. She makes unbroken eye contact with Collei.

"The black fire incident," Amy says. "It was you. You killed two Fatui diplomats when you slipped into Monstadt. Then Amber found you. After the relevant truth came to light, they must have arranged things so that no blame ever fell on your shoulders. Because who are the Knights of Favonius, if not a group of people who would have mercy on a possessed kid?"

Collei's mouth goes dry.

"Amber must have gotten to you first. When they found out your problem, they decided to be humane about it. The person to get Cyno involved... must have been Lisa, since she's a former academic. You could have stayed in Monstadt if you wanted, but you decided to come back to Sumeru, and it's no surprise that the person Cyno handed you off to was Tighnari. The rest was history."

"Amber saved me... she decided I was a person... she loved me. I owe everything to her. I almost just want to be her... She took me and made me feel like I was filled up with warmth, and she said... she said I could be good too. I was good. And... and I didn't have to hurt anyone anymore."

Collei flips her sketchbook to its final filled pages: drawings of nothing but her and Amber, or her and Lisa, and a very nice drawing of Master Tighnari as Collei sees him: safe, gentle, and friendly.

Collei will have to add her new friends in now too. There's no dirty secrets left.

"That's everything," Collei says. "You figured it out. That's it. That's everything."

Collei's eyes feel scratchy and dry. Her heart is exhausted from thumping so hard from her shame. There's other weird feelings that she can't identify yet.

What is her body count? She's not good at estimating. She doesn't have an exact number.

Collei is tired... so, so tired...

Oz is nearby. Collei is aware that Oz is there to keep watch. Collei isn't leaving Amy's (Fischl's) sight anytime soon.

Amy softly touches Collei's hair, says something, and gets up to clean up their things for cooking.

Collei feels a weight finally lift off of her chest, only to be replaced by an unfamiliar sensation of concentrated relief that her great dread is finally over.

It feels like it could crush her. She's too tired to enjoy it, but something feels good here...

Fischl knows the full weight of Collei's sins, and that there is a vast amount of blood spattered all over her body. Fatui diplomats, Fatui lackeys, experiments who were begging for death, and... children. Wretched god-hating children like herself, albeit ones who lacked her capacity for actual wrath.

Amy knows all this and doesn't think differently of her. Collei's worst fears of abandonment and disgust... they have not come to light.

These matters are strangled secrets. While Collei has not lied to her Master, she always downplayed this to him out of absolute shame. Tighnari does not know how much bad that Collei has done.

Collei goes into the woods for a brief minute, just to relieve herself (presumably Amy has done the same at some point), and when she comes back, Amy's unrolling that huge sleeping bag of hers.

It's a scary night. It feels like there's so much out in the woods to eat away at Collei. She doesn't mind huddling close to Amy tonight if it can make the darkness feel a little farther away.

They only brush against each other, and Collei is bundled up in her own blanket inside of the sleeping bag to guard against accidental touch that could startle her, but it feels comfy and close all the same. Collei missed having close physical proximity to her soulmate (even if she can't bear to be touched). She's glad Amy isn't upset or going to keep more distance from her.

Collei feels tears returning to prickle at her eyes. "You know that part of me is evil now."

"Didn't that evil little girl grow up into someone who only wants to help everyone? A little forest ranger?"

"...Maybe... I don't really know..."

"You've saved a few kids, right? Since you've been here?"

Collei lets out a muffled groan. "I have a ways to go. It can't already have met the number of people I've hurt."

"Do you believe your desire to help stems only from your guilt? Or is there enough good in you that you'd have saved them anyways?"

Collei grumbles. This is too big a question for this late an hour. She's up way past her bedtime, and full of too much sugar... Collei realizes she maybe should feel guilty, if not for Fischl talking her down from that.

How does Collei feel?

Collei realizes with a jolt the word for this. It's a word she's usually been mired in the exact opposite of.

Clean.

Collei feels clean!

The last thing Collei sees before night takes her is Fischl, comfortably curled up next to her, eyes closed in an untroubled rest.

Collei hopes she will join her very soon.

Chapter Text

Collei is nothing but a filthy, worthless child on the floor of a facility.

The doors creak. Collei reacts. The "freeze" reaction hits first, where her body goes cold with dread and stillness. (She's not mentally equipped to do this again. She never is.)

Then, the next moment, it's the "fight" reaction. She doesn't care how much retaliation she'll face. She's going to HURT whoever it is, if he's here to bother her again!

But it's someone unfamiliar.

A girl like her, maybe not even an adult, and she's tall and foreign and looks healthy. She walks with a gracefulness that doesn't belong in this cursed place. If all that wasn't enough, there's even a glimpse of a Vision at her lower back.

Collei is confused. How could anybody from the land of where sunlight touches... anybody who is loved by the gods... come to this place, for any reason?

The bafflement displaces her rage. Collei asks, "why are you here?"

Because she feels like, for that and other reasons, this girl should be anywhere but here. She doesn't belong in the place where pain happens.

The girl opens the gate to Collei's cell. (Bad bad. Collei backs up so that she can cower against the wall when bad things start happening here.) She kneels down to Collei's level. She does not touch Collei.

"My name is Fischl." The girl's hand twitches in front of her face. An odd, funny gesture. "And I'm here to liberate you."

Liberate. Big word. Collei has never heard it in her life. Collei growls and snarls. She doesn't want any more things to be done to her!

But... how come the world lit up when Fischl walked in? How come there was energy in the air? Punches of raw color? Why the inexplicable shaft of sunlight breaking through into a place that has always been dark (if not lit by aggressive, unnatural lights)?

Fischl is tall and mature and strikes absurd poses, even while kneeling down like this. Collei intuitively wants to hate her. But she can't. Because Fischl is neither a person who is evil, nor a person who has been tainted by the bad touch of this place, nor even a person who could even be considered unlikeable. Fischl is different. Fischl is alive.

Collei has a deep envy burning in her heart. Why is Fischl here? To make her feel bad? To isolate her further somehow?

Fischl touches Collei's shackles, and the metal briefly turns into iridescent feathers, before it dissolves altogether.

Collei is motionless with disbelief.

"You're free," the girl says, extremely softly. "We can go somewhere happier and greener now. We can find fields to play games in and tell stories to each other and look for flowers and other beautiful things. I can take you to where there's real food to eat and new friends to make. And I'm finally protecting you now."

It sounds like a fantasy. A gift.

It beggars belief.

Collei hugs her skinny arms and casts Fischl a skeptical stare.

"I don't know how to leave."

"Little one. The door is open. We go out, together. You aren't getting left behind. I promise."

Collei's tiny heart taps a fierce rhythm. "No! I can't!" Collei shakes her head viciously. "I can't leave yet!"

Yet.

What is yet?

"Why not? What's stopping us?" Fischl's voice is light and airy even in befuddlement... and then it changes to dead seriousness. "What task remains here? What do we have to do so that you can leave?"

Collei's breath becomes fast and quick.

"The... The Doctor... he's still here - he's gonna catch you-- gonna catch you and do something to you! You're not small and that means he's not gonna put the scary stuff in you, so that means he's gonna cut you open or do something even worse! Unless you run and hide!"

"Hide? No, no, no, no. I am not running and leaving you. I'd be a cruddy soulmate for that." Fischl places her hands on her hips. "I've already failed once at this. Let me make it up to you now?"

"He's gonna kill you or worse! He can do anything he wants to you!"

Fischl plants her hands on her hips and starts jeering.

"Oh, can he now? Has nobody informed you, that I have recently become the strongest entity in the corridors of your mind? You ordained it yourself!"

Collei knows what she's saying... and yet it cannot possibly be true.

Fischl cuts the theatrics.

She kneels down. The arrogant flash in her eye dulls to a careful softness.

She tilts her head and says, "Would you like me to destroy the bad man for you, little one?"

Collei is so unused to being spoken to in anything less than a rough tone that her skin prickles. "Don't call me little. I'm scary. And... screw it, if anyone's taking him out, it's gonna be me! If it's suddenly possible to kill him, I wanna do it! I hate him! There's a bad thing inside of me, and I can use it to kill him!"

Fischl's eye rolls back for a second as she thinks that over. "Hmm. You shouldn't use the demon. It would be too distressing for you, even in a dream. It would want to take control away from you."

Collei bits her lip and glares and spits at the ground. "Don't care! My snake's all I've got! There's nothing else!"

"Nothing else, you say? You don't know how much you have. There's ways to fight back without jeopardizing your soul."

"I don't care! I have nothing! I'll use anything!"

"Then accept this."

Collei stares at the gift Fischl has for her.

A length of wood. Sanded and smoothed into a straight, rounded log... decent for bludgeoning someone with.

...Except. It's not just that. It's not just a blunt weapon.

On the half of it that's thicker...

...there are metal nails pounded into it and sticking out like spikes.

Collei has never seen such a horrible weapon. She has a moment of dread thinking about Fischl using it on her; but, Fischl is making no move to terrorize her. Collei realizes this might genuinely be meant for her.

Her breath chokes out as an excited gasp.

Collei accepts it into her trembling hands.

Nobody has ever given her this kind of power. It is power that actually feels like power and control being placed in her palms. It's not another snare.

"You'll have to be careful to swing it right," Fischl says. "but there's no trick. It won't fall apart on you."

Collei nods hurriedly.

"This is only for now. You'll get something nicer eventually. Understand?"

"Okay."

Fischl cracks her knuckles. She picks her own spiked bat off the ground.

"He's right around the corner," she says, pointing her black-lacquered fingernail down the dimly-lit hallway. Apprehension creeps back in now; it's suddenly harder to be brave when she thinks about him being so close. "I think we can jump him. You go first. I'm right behind you."

Really?

How does Collei believe that?

It's not that she wants to cower behind anybody now. But how does she know Fischl won't abandon her? She wants it so badly, but it's so hard to be the first one! She doesn't want to be anybody's human shield!

Collei feels something tucked into her hair. What's that?

...A dark feather. Something softer and prettier than has ever entered this hellhole.

Looking at Fischl, it must be like her mark, judging by the decorations on her dress and that large bird perched on her shoulder. This feather, however, is for Collei herself. It means Fischl is with her even if she's going first.

Collei no longer has doubt.

Collei does not anticipate how satisfying the first strike is.

The punching feeling of nails puncturing skin.

The startled gasp of pain.

A grown man who's hurt her, somebody Collei shouldn't even be able to touch, so suddenly oozing blood from his side.

From so little effort! Collei did that!

Collei swings again.

PANG!

A sound cartoonish, like it belongs in an illustrated bubble, and there's another cluster of holes across him like not even his clothing or the air resistance could get in the way. He's bleeding! He's bleeding so fast!

He reaches out a massive, clawlike hand towards Collei...

WHAM!

Collei hears the sound of bones crunching.

Fischl has stepped in. She swung HARD. Before he could even get close to Collei.

BAM!

Fischl just swung again, and the Doctor is on his decimated knees.

WHAP!

Blood spattering all over the wall.

THUD!

The same fresh concussion, given repeatedly, in the same spot.

"You foolish girls," he says, rising from the ground, even with the blood and bruises covering his legs. "You will not inconvenience me a second longer by troubling my experiments. You are both somewhere not even fate can find you."

Fischl's glare at him is unflinching.

"I found her," Fischl says, glaring. "And now I can do something about it."

Fischl's words do nothing to him.

Collei's body starts shaking all over! It's no good! She's just made everything worse! They fought back, and Collei knows the kinds of punishment THAT can warrants on principle... never mind actually fighting back SUCCESSFULLY!

They're dead! Worse than dead! Worse than experiments! They'll be tortured! It won't even be for data collection... it will be deliberate suffering, and nothing more!

Collei doesn't have a selfless bone in her body. She only looks out for herself.

But...

...she thinks she'd feel a little bad, if something happened to Fischl.

"I've got a new concoction," The Doctor announces, as he draws something out from a sleeve. His smile widens into a grin filled with knives. "I'll have you know that I've formulated an elixir designed to do nothing other than cause unimaginable, unbearable physical pain. I've just been aching for a couple of wretched children for my subjects. Absolute dolts with heads that can only process sunshine and rainbows. And who better than a couple of nosy, feeble girls who don't have the mental capacity for anything more than paper dolls and coloring books? I can hurt you, and then I can hurt you some more, and it won't ever end. You are stuck in this nightmare forever. I can keep you from never waking up until you die, and it'll feel like eternity anyways. Won't this be wonderful!"

The syringe glints and gleams.

It's a worse concoction. It is poison-yellow. It glows something bad. Even looking at it makes Collei want to throw herself to the floor and plead, plead, plead for mercy in case there's the slimmest chance he finally would listen to anything she has to say.

The Doctor steps closer, as Collei backs up against the wall...

CRACK!

The Doctor's wrist snaps from the thin end of the bat.

He recoils from the pain. The syringe clatters to the floor.

Fischl has placed herself between him and Collei.

"There's nothing wrong with sunshine and rainbows," Fischl says. "Actually, you're satanic for depriving her of them. There's nothing wrong with her, and everything wrong with you and it makes me sick!"

Collei wonders if Fischl's going to have a use for that concoction that's in the syringe. They're here for revenge, after all. Fischl could cause HIM so, so much pain...

But then Fischl crushes it beneath her boot, and the fluid leaks onto the ground and into the floor, and Collei knows that they won't be doing to him anything he did to Collei.

Over and over and over, they keep beating him.

He can try to get up.

But they just hit him again.

They're careful to take turns (Fischl seems scared of hitting Collei if they went at him simultaneously).

The nails don't bend or go dull.

Nahida sits in her own little dreamscape and watches the girls, as she eats from a small helping of melty marshmallows.

"This is a little gratuitous," she says to herself. "But this might be a necessary step for them."

She's not one for any of her own violence... not how she operates at all. But she sees the psychological benefits of Collei getting to have this.

So many times that she could never fight back...

She could never hurt the person who was hurting her...

...she couldn't even claw out in self-defense.

It might be okay to just loosen the muzzle of everything that Collei is capable of, but doesn't normally want to use. It's just for a little while. Hopefully only tonight, or on rare occasions. Collei's trauma should really have to be spiking something bad.

Nahida is certain that Fischl has to have other ideas on what to do here, for all the times they're going to get pulled into Collei's side of the dreamscape. Fischl's got a huge imagination and lots of warm, fuzzy experiences to share with her. She's even got her own well-developed dreamscape that she might be able to eventually spirit Collei away to; a place free of the miasma and bad dust of the accursed Dar-al-Shifa. It would be cleansing for Collei to be inside of someone else's head for once, instead of her own.

If Fischl ever defaults to this kind of thing, though, Nahida might have to have another talk with her. Fischl's a murder machine of a girl, with a serrated edge that could cut the wrong target, if she doesn't have herself flipped in the right direction. She makes a good fit for the battered little ranger, but Nahida is monitoring all this closely.

Collei's had a hard life. She deserves to spend her nights in wholesome dreams rather than cathartic nightmares.

...Well, most of her nights, anyways.

Nahida shoves another handful of marshmallow in her mouth and waits for whatever happens next.

Bones exposed.

Bloody pulp.

A shattered mask.

Guts on floor.

Collei cannot believe her eyes.

Things. Like. This. Don't. Happen. This is her nightmare cage... nothing bad happens to the Doctor in her mind. This is unreal.

...It's been awhile, but some of the horror of what she and Fischl have done is finally starting to seep in.

Collei's voice trembles. It's all a mess. Who will clean this one up? Do they just leave it for nature to reclaim? Will vultures find their way down here? Is he even edible for them? He's probably not a normal human... there's probably something wrong with him for real.

"Little one?" Fischl asks.

Collei shakes.

"Oh my gosh... I can't believe... oh my gosh I can't believe I finally got to hurt him! I killed him! He's dead!" Collei speaks like she doesn't even have a serpent inside of her, and she's on top of the world. "We killed him! I fought back! He's dead! He's..."

Collei is crying.

"Shh," Fischl says. She moves forward to stand over the corpse. "Let me get rid of him?"

Collei nods.

Fischl touches it and it dissolves into static and feathers, and then nothing is around them and nothing is left of the bad place at all.

Before Collei realizes it, they're somewhere else entirely.

A grassy hill. She's never been this far, but her mind effortlessly supplies the name Monstadt.

It feels warm... familiar... healthy...

...this is a good place, Collei intuitively knows. Collei can finally relax.

Collei is lying flat on her back. Fischl is next to her.

Clarity is entering Collei's mind. The nightmare's fog is losing its stranglehold on her. Collei regains full memory of who exactly she's with.

Fischl.

Oh my gosh, Fischl did all that for her?!

Collei rolls over to look at Fischl.

Fischl looks worn out, but only a little disheveled. She's not too dazed by what she's done. And there's no mark or injury on her.

Did The Doctor really not get to her at all? Did Fischl not have to sacrifice anything?

Was all of Collei's anxiety over her for nothing?

A new feeling flutters into Collei's heart: Shame.

Fischl did that for her. But...

"Oh my gosh, Fischl. I'm... I'm so sorry you had to..."

Had to what? Uncover the deepest desires of Collei's heart? Discover her violent urges and then direct them towards the one person who's always had the most power over her?

...

"It's alright. You're safe now."

"But you-- you-- I'm still a monster! I'm a monster for celebrating in that!"

Fischl raises her brow.

"Then what would I be?" she asks.

"I-- um--"

"Oh, cherished soulmate. There are certain things that spiked baseball bats are for. Not a lot, but a few." Fischl gestures into the air with one hand. "And you're not the only one. I had a furious spirit inside of me that needed exorcising. He hurt you. I hate him. I needed to do that too."

...

"But that was something really bad! I don't want to ever have to be like that again!"

"Tell me, soulmate... is there anyone else in all Teyvat that you hate enough to do that to, or is it The Doctor and nobody else?"

Collei can't think of anyone else.

"Spiked baseball bats are for killing horrible bad men, who should have died long before they ever laid their terrible hands on you."

Collei lets out a low squeak.

"We will wake to light of day, and thine weapon will again be a trustworthy, humane bow and arrow, and we have Visions all the same. But in bad dark places, things have been known to be a little different."

Collei cannot disagree.

"You have killed an apparition of the one person your current self would genuinely want dead," Fischl says. "He will not again pester you this night. And if he does come back, know that I'll still be here to make sure he can't hurt us."

"No more fear?" Collei asks.

"No more fear," Fischl concurs.

Collei wakes up in the morning and it feels like the end of something: a terrible something to have to struggle through at all, and she's glad it somehow finally ended, but also she gets the idea she'll be nostalgic for it one day.

It's confusing. Sad and glad and confusing, like so many other thoughts running through her head. Everything is complicated and friendship is always, always weird.

She becomes conscious of where she is and how she feels.

She's in a warm sleeping bag. She feels well-rested for the first time in... how long, exactly? It's not like she's ever NOT been plagued by night terrors.

...maybe she's well-rested for the first time in her life.

Collei becomes aware of one more thing.

Fischl is right across from her, huddled close but not touching her, except for one finger extended in her sleep, touching the tip of Collei's nose.

Collei closes her eyes.

She knows they go back home today, but she'll stay like this for just a little while longer... right here where she's safe and it feels like nobody has ever hurt her.

Chapter Text

Furina does not often find herself in the midst of a surprise tea party.

She sits with as dignified posture as she can, at this table far lower than she is suited to. It's in the middle of a sunny green field and the surface is lowered to that of a child. Furina's chair, in fact, is so low that it does not even have legs, mirroring the zaisu style of chairs found in Inazuma (not that she's ever been). The table is ornate, long enough for seven or eight places, and covered with an arrangement of platters and glasses and teacups. Furina has to admit, of all things, the place has made itself inviting. In spite of her ego, she has manners. How could she refuse?

Well, alright. She IS a god. And somebody would have had to kidnap (godnap? what a terrifying concept! who would dare?!) her for her to be here. Who in Teyvat has the gall -- no, not merely the gall, but the AUTHORITY to dictate that Furina should find herself with no sense of time and space, and have to be present at a tea party she did not remember booking herself for?!

"Hello, Focalors. Have you been sleeping well?"

Furina squeaks as she notices who's sitting right next to her.

All the indignation spills right out of her and she scraps the entirety of this 'who would dare' business. Furina has no quarrel with Sumeru's archon.

Furina is immediately tantalized by the food around her. Kusanali is good at this. A little too good.

"I'm a bit of a cheater, you know. It is all only a dream. It's not like I could cook like this in real life."

"What?! Do not insult your creations so! Its worth is not diminished in the least!"

The Dendro Archon shouldn't put herself down like that; dream or not, this is the most marvellous tea setting (macarons and fluffy pastries and candies from Sumeru and many foreign desserts that Furina would only recognize from illustrations) that Furina has ever been invited to (it is of note that she is considering only the ones she's been invited to by others, not the lavish parties she's thrown of her own accord, which could easily outdo this in grandeur). Kusanali deserves credit of imagination even if she is not able to prove her cooking abilities by light of day.

"I declare it absolute poppycock that you should deride this tasteful array for any reason," Furina insists. "Little Kusanali, I know we have seldom spoken, but you really ought to be less of a recluse! We must do this together while awake. For, while I am not presently able to pick up my skirts and traipse to your beautiful land of wisdom, perhaps you would be able to leave your solitude to come to Fontaine, by some chance? I can have the Opera Epiclese decorated for your arrival as we prepare to forge new bonds to ensure mutual prosperity!"

Furina is aware that she is making a testy statement by inviting a god a fellow god to try to attend her court. After all, nobody understands what's going on in Sumeru: perhaps Kusanali is even more frozen in place (trapped) than Furina is.

And anyways, any such offer is tempting a dangerous beast of fate, with sharp snapping teeth that could easily snag a thread that shouldn't come undone and make everything spiral into total failure for Furina unless she backs out of this entire thing as quick as she can, because everyone knows the goddess of Sumeru is a clever and prescient one who can probably tell things that nobody ought to be able to know.

(don't let her catch on don't let her catch on don't let her)

Does she already know? No, no. She can't. She can't have figured it out! Noooope nope nope. Was coming here a mistake? Maybe! Maybe maybe! Because it can easily jeopardize everything...

Kusanali is staring at her with big eyes. Big, wide, all-seeing, knowledgeable eyes...

"Furina," Kusanali says softly. "You can just call me Nahida. We don't need formalities when we're here like this."

"AIEEEK! No! You don't-- Oh. You... you would like to do away with... titles for each other? Yes, yes. I think that makes sense! We can all be on the same playing field here. Why ever wouldn't we? Ha ha!"

A soft, small hand covers Furina's wrist.

Furina goes cold under the gentle touch.

"I'm not telling a soul, and nobody who's uninvited can see us like this."

"...Truly?"

"Yes, oh divine actress."

Furina's reaction to that is to give a haughty "ha!" (though she's grinning to get the tension off) and standing up to move away from Nahida (only briefly! she's not going to scorn the hospitality, after all).

"I do not possess even the foggiest of anything you just alluded to, Nahida. Now. Pray tell... what is the occasion of tonight?"

"Pray tell?" asks a sudden new voice. "Pray to who? I'm not exactly open to praying to Celestia. I could always pray to Furina for all the inspiration... although, Nahida, I'm afraid I don't feel very heavily compelled to pray to you for anything. Wisdom isn't quite where the vibe is for me, as the kids might say now. You don't happen to have any wine on hand, do you?"

"Lord Barbatos, I'm not able to serve you alcohol. I'm a child."

"Barbatos? It's Venti, if we're cutting formalities. Besides." The Anemo Archon crosses his arms and scowls (though on his face, with its rounded features, approximately nothing could ever look menacing). "It's a dream. ...Why not bend the rules a little? Wait, wait, nevermind. I don't need to ask you to do that. ...Furina, why don't you just bring the booze? Pretty pretty please? I would love you forever if you did!"

Furina inspects her fingernails and side-eyes Venti. "I am hardly motivated to do such a thing. Nahida is awfully tiny. Should all we adults really be quaffing with abandon afore her? Oh, and by the way, getting gracelessly drunk is not my style. Some of us are archons with dignity and-- HEY!"

Furina is out of her seat and bolting across the meadow, picking her knees up high to make big strides as she chases the hat of hers that just got tossed by a breeze. Frantically, she runs for it! She doesn't care if it's just a dream, that's her hat!!

"Venti," Nahida says, with the tiniest note of exasperation in her voice. "That was mean."

"No, I don't ever have to do anything. But... come on. It's a little bit fun for her, right? I don't know what she's going through or what you were talking about with her before, but if she's stressed, she ought to cut loose!"

"Hmm... that is a fair point." Nahida curls her hands in front of her eyes like binoculars. Furina, several meters away and down in a valley, is already clawing her way up the tree where her hat has become stuck. "Just try to be a little fairer to her next time."

"Next time? How about this time? Just watch!"

Almost... there...

Furina extends her arm upwards. All she needs to do is grab her hat, shove it on her head, and she can return to the tea party with head held high and her dignity fully intact! Neither her head nor her dignity will be jeopardized again!

A suspicious breeze stirs once again. Furina is aware that her hat is directly above her face. Which means, if it came loose now...

"OW!"

"My apologies for my lateness. I truly wanted to come, I promise."

"You?! Hey, old-timer -- this is a dream! What excuse could you possibly ever have?!"

"...Perhaps I was mired in a different dream. One where I was reminiscing on valuable experiences from a time long-gone. Did you pause to consider that? Or do you merely assign the most worth to whichever dream has the greatest prospect of hedonism?"

"Hey! As if there's a drop of the real stuff to be had here."

Venti and the newcomer Zhongli briefly cease their bickering to glance down at Nahida, who is offering each a platter with some intricately-molded chocolates on it.

"Oho!" Venti says. "Yes please!"

Zhongli, his frame tall and broad but also loose and cricket-like, leans forward onto the table, and pours his own tea as he also takes food from Nahida. "Thank you, child god of Sumeru. I hope that we can meet in the waking world soon, before you have to wait too much longer."

Venti blinks, his smile unbroken even as his face is stuffed full of baked goods. "You're not seriously worried about dropping dead, are you? Already?"

Zhongli side-eyes him. "I've still got some kick in these bones."

"He's just expressing that he'd like to meet me for real," Nahida explains. "This isn't the first time we've crossed paths in dreams."

"Well, me neither. But are you telling me we're locked in competition now for who gets to hang out with Nahida more?" Venti asks.

Zhongli glances to Nahida.

Nahida has nothing for him but a shrug, her arms loaded with platters of sweets that look different than they did just a second ago.

Furina storms back to her seat in a huff and fervently fastens her hat back onto her head.

"There! You made me go all that way! How dare you!"

She's having to tone down the grandeur some if she's around gods fellow gods. (Of course, being what she is, she's still overblowing it.)

A sudden odd quiet settles over the tea party. The four look at each other; Furina studies the expressions of Lesser Lord Kusanali, Barbatos, and Rex Lapis. And then her gaze travels down to her hands at the thing that they all have in common...

The glisten and shimmer.

The connection.

It's a web between them. From all four of them, binding them to each other... and then across and abroad, to the three who haven't made it to the dream tonight.

This is the god Focalors' greatest con of all. Furina doesn't know how it could have possibly been done. The fact that she herself is seamlessly swapped into the web, with six soul threads of her own, so that not even the other archons may suspect her (except perhaps little Nahida, who knows far too much but is thankfully tight-lipped)... it is an impossible feat that is nothing short of a miracle.

Having the threads never feels hip. It's not convenient, or happy, or a boon.

It feels like a snare.

It feels like Furina was born into something that's going to kill her.

Furina glances to each of the members of the party... the child god whom she can hide nothing from, the most-ancient god who has probably smited people for far less than Furina's blasphemy of being here, and Venti.

"So," Furina says giddily, without missing a beat, but drawing out her next syllables. "Where's... everybody else?"

Venti crosses his arms, clearly the most annoyed among them to not have the full Seven present. "I'm guessing Ei is doing... whatever she does, in total isolation. ...Oh, not to insult any member of the present company likes isolation, ehe."

"No offense taken," Nahida says, in a neutral tone.

"Then... the other two?" Furina asks.

"Well, Miss Heart-of-Ice is... uh... not exactly known for direct gestures of diplomacy," Venti says with a huff. "Which just leaves..."

"Murata," Zhongli says. "Temperamental, unpredictable... who knows? We might just have a gate-crasher at any second. Someone who would be righteously angry at others for skiving."

"Well, fine!" Furina gets out of her seat to stand on the party table. "Let it be me who's righteously angry! I'm really upset we can't just have a diplomatic tea party with all seven of us like it should be! It would make geopolitics so much simpler! By their absences, they dare to waste the time of the almighty Focalors!"

"Have some tea, Furina," says Nahida.

They are all four seated.

The tea is good. Furina likes this part. (She also likes the endless stream of sweets that Nahida is passing to her, and the fact that the dream sugar doesn't count towards the limit she normally has to pretend to adhere to. And she likes her hat staying on her head.)

"I gathered you all here to discuss something important," Nahida says. "I wanted to bring it up now, because it's going to be relevant soon. These four are soon going to be visiting your nations, and they are more than mere travelers. There are things to know about."

Leaning over a spot where some dishes have been cleared, Nahida does that picture-frame thing with her stubby little hands. And... oh, that brings up a new view!

Four young adults (all teenagers?). The smallest of them is a woodsy girl running in and out of a hut, excitedly beckoning to the others. A sleepy-looking boy is closest behind her, following with eager interest, and is followed by a disheveled second who is lagging behind from the giant bedroll he's carrying. The last to follow is a taller girl who's gesturing with her hands as she's arguing something.

"Hey!" Venti says cheerfully. "They're my children! All of them!"

Furina glances across at him. "Including the one from Sumeru?"

"Sure!"

"They seem like a perfectly wholesome group of mortal friends," Zhongli says. "Lesser Lord, are you sure there's anything amiss, beyond all four trying to have a sleepover in one small hut?"

"Look closely," Nahida says. "It takes more than first glance and mortal eye to take notice."

Furina prepares herself to pretend to see something that the others all can but that she cannot. But, as it turns out... there is no need. It reveals itself to her perception too.

"One of these four has gone and traipsed through soul dust," Nahida says. "And then he went and got it on the others, not knowing that he had any such thing on him. It seem contained to these four and no longer spreading, but nothing good can come of this. As a valuable and dangerous substance, it could put a target on their backs, or at least make them more visible to the Fatui... the ones who brought this into Sumeru in the first place."

"What? What does this mean? What are they plotting?"

"Furina," Zhongli says, "You do read the papers of your own nation, correct?"

"Yes, and? What news story?"

"I couldn't help but read up on something that happened to one of Sumeru's statues of the Seven... that, shortly after, happened to one of yours."

Furina snarls. "I don't like talking about that! It's been defiled! I'm insulted! It is an outrage!"

"Yes, but the exact same thing happened to me, and is going to happen to Venti and Zhongli. Somebody is doing something with soul threads and then leaving the hollow remains on our symbols, as some kind of strange message. It is likely the Fatui, but we do not know what branch of them it is, the motive, or how much of a threat we should take it as. But if you can discuss it openly with anybody, it's us."

"Can't say I share the same stress," Venti says with a shrug. "If someone blasphemes me, I'll probably find a way to join in. But tell me how this endangers the kids. I need to know."

"Well," Nahida says, "the 'kids' are planning a great journey and it will be hard for them to entirely escape notice of the Fatui. The soul dust, in some respects, lights them up like beacons. As you may know, one of these kids has... a rough past."

"Oh, that's right. And it's up to the others..."

"It's up to the others, to protect that one. One important task, split three ways. They each feel the duty differently. But tell me, oh god of wind... what happens when this odd occurrence defiles one of your statues, and then these four, not able to stay out of trouble, finally have to see what's going on? They're going to investigate, as that's where their combined talents lie, and then they could get wrapped up into this plot."

"Hmm. I can see where you're going. I can also see why you're going after me, since I'm the one with biggest stake in protecting them..."

"Yes, and. Clearly--" Furina over-enunciates now-- "they're also capable of making the Fatui thing a bigger deal than it would be if they were just ordinary instead. They all have Visions, do they not? Combined, they're a walking trouble magnet!"

"Hey!" Venti says, sounding wholly offended now. "I assure you that Bennett can be that all on his own, thank you."

"You two are missing Nahida's forest for the boughs," Zhongli says. "This plot will happen independently of these four who are particularly vulnerable to its crossfire. Our job is to do what we can to time things so that any calamity that falls happens far away from wherever they are on the journey. And it will feed back into the good of the lands if we protect them, because... they've tasked themselves with something mighty, correct?"

Nahida frowns for the first time that evening. She clenches a hand over her heart.

"They want to cure Eleazar," she says. "It's for the good of the one, and it's what they all four want, more than anything else... But if it's fixed... it could have a positive effect on everything in Teyvat. ...But they're just kids. This task is monumental to ask of them."

"Fischl's of age!" Venti interjects, proudly derailing the point. "She can handle anything!"

"If Fischl somehow pulls this off," says Zhongli, "it would change the course of Teyvat. How odd that she's the one to do it, though..."

"It's directly because of fate," Nahida says. "Don't you see her thread? Fischl didn't choose this task."

Oh! Furina can see it.

...So, that's the one who must be sick.

Furina gazes down at those four teenagers: the unruly, sweethearted boy crashed on the floor; the bleary-eyed aspirational kid curled up next to him; Fischl, the investigator, the strongest of these four, sitting on the edge of the cot and acting out some character from the book she's reading; and the knobbly-kneed tomboy staring up at her sister, the one she looks up to so much, the one who holds her delicate little fate in the palm of her hands.

Furina knows that this is a precarious friend group, saddled with dramatic irony and misunderstandings and, already, a host of secrets between them: some of them innocent, but others less so.

Furina knows that this is a very chaotic, doomed, unwise thing to wish she had. It could be a burden; it is harder than isolation; it brings hurt and trouble.

Oh, and all that is true, but... none of that changes the truth of Furina's feelings.

Jealousy.

Watching this scene twists a knife of envy deep down in Furina's heart, down in that thirst that the unanimous adoration of her entire kingdom is not nearly enough to slake.

For that reason, that bitter reason, Furina will resign herself to doing what the others can do with altruism alone as motive. She supposes she can help this happy, oblivious, interwoven quartet of friends in all their togetherness and bliss, because... she wishes she was even the worst-off among them.

(It hurts Furina so much to just be herself.)

Chapter Text

It's a beautiful day in Gandharva Ville! The sun is shining, the forest birds and insects are chirping, and... oh, Fischl's already up and out, it looks like.

Collei isn't worried. Fischl can handle herself, and whatever she's doing is probably something good.

It's been a couple of days since their campout together, and everything has just been easier. It's so much easier to inhale and exhale with the weight of her horrible past out there in the open. Collei hates it, of course, and it's triggering to even bring up again, but know that Fischl knows, she doesn't have to worry about being judged or even feeling like she's hiding a bad secret from her. The boys might not know, sure, but if there's ever a situation where something from Collei's past is relevant, maybe Fischl could tell them instead?

...Wait.

Just what are they doing next? It feels like Fischl's come down here and checked a bunch of boxes, kinda. Met Collei, got on good terms with her, went on a couple of trips together, learned everything there is to know... yikes! Oh no!

Fischl's gotta be staying for longer, right? Collei doesn't want to say goodbye just yet! Collei's life feels so full for having new friends, that if they're taken away from her, she doesn't know what she'll do! Fischl has to go back eventually, but she can't starting her preparations to go home to Monstadt so early! Collei isn't ready!

Collei leaves her hut in a hurry (she feels fine today!) and bumps into Razor and Bennett first, on the main deck.

"Razor! Benny! Have either of you seen Fischl?"

"Yeah, but barely. Why?"

"I just-- I just, was wondering, why she might be in such a hurry, to be up and go find something to do--"

"She's just an early riser some days. Don't worry too much about it."

"Collei worry about Fischl?" Razor asks.

Collei presses her fingertips together. "I... uh... kind of? I know she'd never leave me again without saying goodbye, but..."

Bennett shrugs. "She's probably just planning something? Which means you could relax..."

"Fischl planning? No," Razor says warily. "Nobody relax!"

Collei is about to laugh it off nervously with the two of them because, it's true... she can never let her guard down, even for a moment... when suddenly she sees it! On a higher level of the terrace, Fischl's back and she's speaking to Master about something, and giving him a basket of something! Wow, did she really go out somewhere into the forest and already make it back here? She has a lot of energy (and no disability) to be able to do so much before Collei's done anything at all... but, oh, Bennett's right. Fischl does look like she's planning something.

Fischl glances down in Collei's direction, sees her staring, and perks up into a big smile. She nods to Tighnari one more time and then breaks into a run, like she's really this happy just for Collei to be awake.

Fischl snatches Collei's hand into her own and tugs her along as she marches back into Collei's hut and motions for them both to sit on the floor together.

Fischl takes a moment. She looks like she's breathing rapidly and trying to calm it. She looks nervous, but only slightly-anxious-mostly-excited kind of nervous, not Collei's terrified kind of nervous. (Jealous jealous!)

Fischl is still holding Collei's hand. Extremely gently. But like she's not so afraid of hurting her, now that she knows Collei's not made of stuff so fragile as she once thought.

"Okay, Collei. Hear me out."

She sounds happy. Collei hopes that's good. That has to mean Fischl isn't talking about leaving! Please, let it mean that!

As it turns out, Fischl IS talking about leaving.

...But not without Collei.

Far from it!

Liyue, Fontaine, Monstadt?

A proper adventure where they are all together?

It sounds... actually kind of amazing!

But...

...are they really able to do it, with Collei slowing them down?

And, more importantly, Fischl sounds really hopeful about it... but Collei doesn't see the point. She's used to Eleazar. She's used to the knowledge she's going to die. Wouldn't it be wrong to get Fischl's hopes up? Why should she let everybody else devote part of their lives to it when it will probably accomplish nothing? Collei is so used to the disappointment and dead ends when it comes to Eleazar, that she's perfectly alright just with the good things that have happened, because those were enough to surprise her. She'd be greedy to ask for anything more.

But, oh...

If she says yes, then she's guaranteed at least another several months with Fischl, and probably the journey of a lifetime just to have it spent with friends!

"I don't know" is Collei's immediate answer.

Fischl's expectant smile falters. This is a disappointment to her, obviously... but, also obviously, she's trying to cover it up already. "Oh. Well. Will you take some time to think on it?"

Collei scratches at her face. "You're great, Fischl. I can tell that you really, really, really wanna find a way to make me better. That means a lot to me."

Fischl just shakes her head. "How could I not? My body sees no way to remain idle and not seek a way to remedy this cosmic injustice."

"Um..." Collei can't think of a good way of saying "It's just Eleazar. Some people just have it." So instead, she says: "I just... don't want everyone to go to all that trouble for nothing. ...In case we don't find anything."

Maybe it's that she doesn't want Fischl to get her hopes up, actually. Fischl should really, really consider coming down from the high. Fischl needs to be able to accept that Collei is going to die one day... and Collei can tell she's absolutely nowhere near that point yet. Come to think of it, does Fischl even believe in her own mortality? No wonder she's refusing to consider the likely possibility that Collei will die with the illness, if not directly from it.

"If we don't find anything, then... was it really futile? We're all four adventurers. This is what we do."

"...Yes, but... a huge quest, just for me?"

"Just for you? JUST for you?! Well, of course!"

"Okay! Okayokay, I get it! Just... uh... if we come up empty-handed, then..."

Fischl looks like she's taking a really deep breath.

"I really, really know... that if I didn't try my best to look, then I'd always regret not trying. And... even if nobody else was coming with me... I'd go solo. Because I'd still have to try."

Wow.

Collei was almost about to feel like Fischl wasn't taking no for an answer or something, but... well, that does still sound like kind of an ultimatum.

Collei scrunkles up her face. "What if... I just wanted to stay here where it's comfortable, and wanted you to stay with me?"

"...Oh, fine then. Being with you would have to come first. C'mere."

Eep! Collei isn't ready!

But...

She braces herself, successfully, as Fischl pokes her in the arm and side several times. Collei yelps and twitches, but also is smiling from it. (Sometimes Fischl forgets to do it for a little while and then the haphephobia will be a little worse when Fischl starts again. But at least it's down to the whole scary-fun kind of thing instead of outright terrifying!)

...So, if Fischl's being stubborn about this crazy journey idea, at least Collei knows she has the ability to keep Fischl from ever leaving her.

"What about... um... my duties here? Wait, wait. You've been talking with Master."

"Yes. A lot. And, the final choice is ultimately up to you, but... for what it's worth, I have his blessing."

Dang. How'd Fischl swing that?

"What did he say about my duties here? My education?"

"He said, you'd be missed and he'd be very sad without you, but he doesn't own you and you're free to go if it's what you really want." Fischl crosses her arms. "I've written down a laundry-list of recommendations regarding your health, and his suggested homework substitutes. ...The fact that I'm hyper-literate seems to help."

Yeesh. Collei doesn't like to be reminded of her own illiteracy. Hands-on skills? Sure, as long as her disease isn't in the way or anything. Crunching through a wall of words, though? Anything with lots of writing is still (still!) headache-inducing to look at... and it sounds like she can't escape that kind of work just by going on a journey. (Wait, Fischl as her teacher?! That's going to be weird!)

"You've really thought lots of this through..."

"...If you have your reservations, we won't go anywhere. It's all up to you. I promise."

Collei decides to just lay down for a second.

Man.

The prospect of a big journey, taken slowly... being away from home for a long time...

It's a lot to take in.

Collei doesn't know what it is. Maybe she's just a little more tired than usual. That's odd, because she slept well.

But, she eventually pushes herself back upright, even though it would be easier to just stay on the floor.

"If I can tell you how I honestly feel now... I kind of want to say yes. Even though..."

"Even though?"

"...even though I don't think we'd find anything."

Fischl sits on her knees, with both her hands down in her lap. She looks at Collei with a surprised look in her eye.

"You... you still want to go, because..."

"...because I'm kind of just open to seeing the world with you, and Razor, and Benny."

Ohhhhhhh it feels like Collei has just managed to fluster Fischl! She doesn't pull that one off very often!

Fischl crosses her arms and blushes and edges away a tiny bit as she says, "you'd really do it just to stay together with us?"

Collei leans close enough to nudge Fischl's shoulder and she laughs and tells her, "Sure I would, Amy."

That startles a yelp out of her!

"Anyways," Collei says, deciding they'll come to some answer together later (even though, already, something doesn't feel right and Collei has a vague sense of urgency and unease that she's shoving out of her mind). (Time to allow Fischl to regain some composure.) "I hear voices. We should go and see what's going on out there..."

Oh, there's somebody new here.

And, wait, what's Cyno doing back already?!

Collei is super jittery just to see the familiar jackal headdress, tight muscles, and sharp regalia of her other protector. She loves him and wishes things could be different, but her mind still recalls too much of a vivid memory of powerlessness: of her own body feeling broken from the sheer amount of pain she was experiencing, as Cyno loomed over her, chanted in an unearthly tongue, and forced the serpent into a state of dormancy. It would be a miserable memory if it wasn't also marked by Collei's subsequent relief to find that her body was finally her own and nobody else's, but her instincts still are having trouble linking that part of the experience with Cyno. So between that and all the visits where he's had to touch her (just to check on the seal! and he's been very careful!), Collei hasn't managed to squeeze in very many positive associations with him. That's even in spite of him being Master's best friend, and the person she has to thank for ultimately winding up with somebody who is so gentle to her.

Collei takes a closer look at the person with him. She's small, but energetic and chipper, with a foreign dress and crazy-high boots and a monocle, but curiously there's nothing at all covering up her arms...

...And holy crap, that is a lot of soulmarks.

"So I'm trying to investigate and do a story that would tie these two events together, so people would know what is going on! It would really be in the best interests of both our nations -- never mind that this would also be a great piece for me--"

"I said I can't give you any more details than are already public," Cyno says.

Collei finds herself approaching. The memories of Cyno's fierceness are currently snuffed by pink-haired stranger with at least twenty-something soulmarks.

"Uhmmmm," is all Collei finds herself saying.

The stranger pouts at Cyno one last time and then completely changes her tune. She kneels down to Collei's level. "Hi there, kiddo! You live here in Gandharva Ville?"

Collei realizes she's been holding Cuilein-Anbar this entire time. That certainly doesn't help the fact that she looks like a scrawny kid.

"Hi. ...I'm fourteen. I'm Master Tighnari's apprentice?"

"Ohhh! Oh. Wow, you don't look that old! But I digress. My name is Charlotte. I'm a journalist from Fontaine. ...I'm trying to get the General here to tell me more details about something that happened here awhile ago. You wouldn't happen to be friends with him, would you?"

Cyno huffs an angered sigh. "She doesn't know any more than you would. Leave her alone, newsie."

Collei knows what this is about and she of all people doesn't like talking about it. Her fingers wander protectively to the Kusanali sigil that she embroidered onto one of her pockets. Time to deflect.

"That's a lot of soulmarks," Collei spouts, strategically violating the common etiquette of all this.

"Oh! That's right. I'm perfectly alright with people commenting on them, by the way! If I wasn't, then I wouldn't have them in plain sight like this." Charlotte holds out her arms and slowly rotates them. Collei's eyes flit endlessly from one mark to another.

Collei has questions. Many questions. But she has the feeling that the answers would wear them out for her to even think about. Having just her one soulmate feels infinitely easier now than whatever Charlotte has going on. Fischl can be as big a handful as humanly possible, sure, but at least Collei knows she only has one person she's ever required to worry about. And anyways, she's on the receiving end of others' care, mostly... from Fischl, but also from Tighnari, since she has the luck of being his closest soulmark. If Charlotte has this many... how does she know which ones to get especially close to?

"Wait, hang on. This one isn't me, is it?!"

Collei just recognized a mark of a cat. Charlotte's gaze focuses as she tries to figure out which mark Collei just pointed out.

"Oh, that? No, no. I know who that one is. ...I know him. He's slippery to corner under any pretenses... even though you'd think it would all be more convenient, to have half the people I want to interview be connected to me anyways! But no, it just backfires. And then they don't want to hang out as soulmates!"

That sucks, objectively.

...What would be the point of soulmarks, if you had forty or fifty of them?

Nobody has the resources to be friends with everyone, Collei supposes.

Collei is relieved when she's dragged back into the company of familiars, as Cyno and Charlotte continue bickering about the incident and what little Cyno is allowed to share of it. Fischl tugs Collei along by the hand, to a place to sit down with Razor and Bennett over breakfast.

Just like a few days ago, Tighnari strolls by and tosses some meat onto Collei's plate. Razor reacts sharply, at first eyeing Collei's dish with envy but then turning his gaze after Tighnari himself, before Tighnari paces back and gives Razor a tiny bit, again without saying anything.

Collei grumbles. "I'm still not growing yet, though!"

Fischl nudges her with her elbow. "And I've only known you for, how long?"

Collei doesn't respond. Her gaze rests on her food. Mostly mushrooms and vegetables; but with that fresh cut of pork there too.

...Life is short, isn't it?

Maybe shorter for her than most...

Collei is being careful with herself today.

She sits down on the floor of her hut, while the others are off doing some honorary forest ranger duties (it really does feel like they're all willing to cover for her AND do anything that would help her health).

There's still something about Fischl she doesn't understand, right? Something that's been very stifled almost since Collei has known her... something she's put away almost entirely, just to make Collei more comfortable. Fischl shouldn't have to do that. Not to the extent, that she is, at least. Fischl may be insane and cringey but she should at least be free.

...How could Collei begin to understand this aspect of her better, though?

There's one way and Collei thinks she knows what it is.

Fischl might not be here right now, but Oz is here to monitor her, it seems.

Collei's gaze travels across her desk and bookshelf. Where did she put it?

Oz looks at Collei and bobs his head. Collei notices the bid for attention. And then she notices what's under his talon.

Flowers for Princess Fischl.

Trying to start the book is arduous.

Collei growls and kicks her feet, but tries to will her mind to focus and power through.

Some of the words she sees... they're not just big. They're foreign. Collei does not know what they are or how to make anything of them, even when the context surrounding them is common-language...

Oh, and...

What is the plot?

The front cover does have an illustration that looks startlingly close to Fischl, and Collei realizes just how much Fischl must have styled herself deliberately to look like she does... wait, did she luck out and have blonde as her natural hair color? ...Just how great of an extent has she gone to for this?!

Oh, but she must have been able to read the book first and think nothing of it, and just be able to get through it casually, before falling in love with the whole thing and deciding to let it guide her life.

Collei thumps her head against the front cover. Argh, Fischl's so much better at reading than she is! There must be so, so many things that are just easy for her, because when compared to Collei, Fischl is normal!

Oz doesn't say anything. But, he's still looking at Collei.

"Oh, Oz... are you a character from this book, too?"

Oz hops close and makes some bird noises at her. Collei pets him with one hand.

"Little ranger," Oz says gently, "If you need help understanding the sacred text... surely you know who to ask."

It is painfully obvious who the one person is who would understand this more than any other human alive. The front cover is her very image.

"Well, what if I want to surprise her?" Collei says, glaring.

Oz blinks.

"It is a nigh incomprehensible work, for someone so newly literate."

"Don't remind me!"

"...Fine then. But do consider accepting the full extent of Mein Fraulein's help. It is her earthly pleasure to help you with anything, and everything."

Yes, and Collei has accepted that. It's why she's let Fischl help her on a number of things. It's one of the things that's difficult about how to be good to Fischl: accepting help is the best way to make Fischl happy, but Collei likes her independence when she can get it, so this gets pretty mixed for her sometimes.

"Little ranger..."

"I'm putting it away for now. I'll read something else and come back to it soon. I know I have to do this..."

"There is no reason to do it alone. Would it not mean more to her, to read it with you?"

"I need to be able to do some things without anybody's help! I want to be able to surprise her if I want to. Even if I only get through some of it, that'd still be something I could do that would be meaningful for her!"

She doesn't like being angry with Oz, but what she's just said is the truth.

Collei gets up too quickly and regrets it, with a hand reaching around to her lower back as she winces.

Oz responds. "...Little ranger, are you not well? I could fetch Tighnari..."

"I'm fine, Oz! I promise I'm fine!"

Collei strategically keeps to the village.

She organizes some plant samples, does a schoolwork report (anything is easy after trying to read that book), and even checks on Razor to see if he has any clothing or similar she could fix (to keep her hands busy).

There's a few things, as it turns out. Great! Now all of her friends can have things that she mended!

But, before Collei can get started...

"Hi, Master. ...Um, what did you want to see us about?"

Collei fidgets on the bench in front of Tighnari. The other three are with her; Fischl close by her side, and then Bennett and Razor flanking them. Even Oz is present for the meeting, as well: even though he's a sizeable bird, he squeezes in onto Fischl's shoulder opposite Collei.

Tighnari coughs awkwardly. "My attention has been... a bit divided this morning, but I still have been overhearing some things between you lot, and I figured it could be good to go ahead and brief everyone, because I assume you'll be beginning preparations soon.

"Collei, what I want you to know is, for your substitute schoolwork, the main thing I want you to do is keep a few journals for me: one on places and culture of the nations you visit, another on plant lore and wildlife, and a third as simply a personal diary of anything else you learn. I anticipate that there will be many things that do not easily fall into a prescribed subject.

"The four of you are to travel at a careful pace. Collei's body should not be subjected to intense strain. I believe you all know this already. As for her healthcare and the substances she needs, there are a number of medicines to know how to concoct; thankfully, not every ingredient needs to originate in Sumeru, as even the Sumeru natives that we use have possible substitutes in the other nations. Between stocking up early and knowing how to replenish abroad, you should always be able to have a supply of what Collei needs, one way or another. In addition, the first expert you see, Baizhu in Liyue, might know some things I don't. I recommend picking his brain for whatever you can, especially as regards to treating Eleazar across the border.

"Which brings me to the next concern. It would do us well to plot out your best route, ahead of time. It makes sense to visit Dr. Baizhu first, but after that things are less clear. Will you go to Monstadt next, or perhaps Fontaine?"

Dead silence.

Collei looks around.

"We're going on a journey?" Bennett asks. "Did... you guys talk about something without me?"

The expressions on Benny and Razor's faces are ones of absolute confusion.

"Sir Tighnari," Fischl says wryly, "we have not actually yet agreed upon leaving. I have only barely floated the idea to Collei, and we have been deliberating."

"...What? Really? ...My ears must have deceived me. Or, maybe, I'm getting better than I thought I was, at selectively tuning people out, for their privacy? ...Well, my bad. The things I've said still apply, if the journey's in the cards... but if nothing comes of it, well then, so be it. But still... wow, I feel like I've been bracing myself for it for awhile now, haha. Guess I spoke too soon."

Tighnari moves the spread-out papers (maps, lists of ingredients, and the like) off of his desk.

Collei is secretly relieved. He looked like he had so much that he was going to explain.

Master Tighnari looks relieved and relaxed. Like he is the one who's most tense about this hypothetical journey, and it's good news to him that Collei hasn't decided to go anywhere yet.

They have some explaining to do with the boys, though. Fischl takes the lead on that.

"I'd had... the idea... of going on some big journey, with Collei, to... to go talk to some people, about some options for... her health."

"So like... helping Collei get better?" Bennett asks.

Fischl nods. "Like that, yes. ...I knew, if Collei and I went anywhere, we'd really want to have our most loyal companions along as well, of course... so, if anything came of it, we'd really want to have both of you two with us."

"Is that even a question? Count us in!"

Collei catches a faint smile on Tighnari's face, as he continues putting away all the papers he'd thrown everywhere, and shuffling everything into a neat pile...

...but, very quickly, the smile vanishes.

"Something unrelated." One of Tighnari's ears flicks downwards. He's hiding the expression well as he leans forward, close to his laced fingers, but Fischl gets a sense of displeasure rising off of him. "There's a sensitive matter I'd like to bring up. It's a little bit private. I'd like you boys to step out."

Razor and Bennett turn to look at each other, and Fischl catches the way Razor then turns to stare at Collei with big eyes (does he know about something Fischl doesn't?) before Bennett shrugs and they jointly traipse out of Tighnari's study.

Fischl dismisses Oz with a wave of her hand.

Collei and Fischl had gotten up, thinking things were over, but now they sit back down.

Tighnari's chest rises as he heaves a tense breath.

"Collei."

Collei is so still, not even doing so much as breathing.

Ugh, Tighnari better hurry up and spit it out!

But instead, his mouth twists in a sideways grimace. He bites his own lip, even, and his eyes refuse to meet Fischl's.

Damn it! If he can't look at Collei, he should at least look at Fischl!

Tighnari's gaze travels to the ceiling.

And then, finally, finally...

"Collei, if you would allow me... I'd like to take a look at your back."

Collei and Fischl react in unison: Fischl with a snappy wince to one side, cringeing as hard as though someone's fingernail has just been gored out in front of her, and Collei with a reel forwards in her seat as she shakes her head furiously.

All Tighnari has to respond with is a furrowed frown and his ears drooping all the way down.

"I'm not going to force you," he says, following it up with a remorseful sigh. "There's just been a few quirks in your movement lately and wondered if something was up. ...I hope, if there's anything wrong, you'll let me see."

Bad. Bad bad bad.

Fischl hates hearing all this. "Perhaps mine soulmate has sustained a minor injury that will heal without intervention?"

Collei buries her face in her hands. "Not the way things tend to go with me."

How come so many of Collei's problems are best addressed through extremely hands-on medical intervention? It's torture for the girl! It isn't fair! And yes, Tighnari has only love for Collei, it's true, but right now he seems to Fischl like the enemy, and Fischl only wants to be at the end of this conversation!

"Collei, with your consent, I would really like to investigate for new spread of Eleazar. It will involve me having to touch you. I'm sorry."

Fischl knows all of it is genuine, down to the apology. But she's guessing from Collei's reactions that not even Tighnari has had to touch Collei's back before. And Fischl knows that's where the rule is: Nobody touches Collei's back. Ever. It is torture to her.

Yikes, this is bad bad bad...

Surely, they can just walk away from this, right? There has to be nothing. Tighnari must have imagined all of it.

But Collei says, as her hands wander to the hem of her shirt, "I consent."

Fischl's heart goes cold.

Collei's hands rest on top of Fischl's on the big surface of Tighnari's desk as Collei squeaks and flinches in place.

Her voice is a low tremble. She feels the signals: all the signs screaming at her that unbearable pain is about to come very soon, and all her autonomy is being thrust out of her. Her brain is lying to her, however, because she knows logically that she's safe here. But the association won't go away and that's why this is hell. She hates that, even from Tighnari, anything can make her feel so deeply unsafe.

"Little one?" Fischl asks.

Collei's face sizzles. That's something else she feels vulnerable about, but she might need it, dammit. She's not sure Master Tighnari has directly observed the way that Fischl babies her and treats her way more delicately than even he ever does. Is it embarrassing? It kind of is. Collei is going to feel weaker if Fischl is too soft with her right now, like she's some fragile thing.

Fischl quietly clears her throat.

Is she?...

"Someone holds me, safe and warm..."

Collei squeaks as Tighnari touches some especially sensitive nerve.

"Horses prance through a silver storm..."

It would be so, so much worse if Tighnari had anything more than a light touch. She is incredibly thankful that Tighnari doesn't need to press hard anywhere to check for the evidence he's concerned about.

Collei is glad she's ultimately distracted by a little something else: Fischl's singing. She's well suited to it. It's not a singing voice that would carry over a crowd, but the way Fischl uses it so whisper-soft makes it confront Collei directly. It sounds stronger because it's so careful and quiet.

"Figures dancing gracefully, across my memory..."

Fischl hums, too. No part of her song left out, wherever it's from. Damn. It's really impressive! And she's committed to it, even though it's for something so inconsequential!

Collei finally lets out a huge exhale and covers her back. She rubs her arms over herself and moves back into her own personal space bubble.

That was triggering. Collei's reflexes still feel like they're dancing (and it's definitely from the fear, rather than just her hypersensitivity). Her heartbeat stammers at a quick pace. ...She's having difficulty de-escalating from that. Ugh.

Fischl meets her gaze and tilts her head at her sympathetically.

Tighnari stares down the two girls, his own expression still apologetic and cringeing.

"There's new spread. Do you want to see it in a mirror?"

Collei shakes her head. "No. I think I can feel it now that I'm aware of it."

"Okay. ...You need to rest up. Let's stop it before it gets far."

Fischl lay flat on her back in disbelief.

It's a calm afternoon. Everyone outside sounds happy as they go about various things.

But Fischl and Collei, between them, know something has changed. This is a fresh new hell for Collei. She shouldn't have to deal with this.

She's going to have to deal with touch to her back. Repeatedly. In the future. Eleazar doesn't just go away, right? Her treatment isn't going to get less invasive. Fuck. Collei is going to be dealing with all the worst kinds of touch for her.

And if it's impairing her movements... then that should throw that other idea out the window. It's over. It's off. They're not going anywhere together.

Looking at it differently, Fischl herself suddenly has greater clarity over everything. She knows now, everything that she's going to do. First off, leave behind life in Monstadt. It's not important right now. Second, be willing to say goodbye to her two other companions, if they eventually want to go home without her.

Fischl is going to stay right here in Sumeru with Collei. They should have decades together, at least. Fischl knows that this is what she wants to do

She has no feeling of being torn between two lives. Not when this is the obvious choice.

"Fischl?" Collei asks.

She's staring at the ceiling too. Fischl can only imagine how she feels.

"Yes?"

"Now I understand." Collei's voice is set with uncharacteristic resolve.

"Understand what, mine soulmate?"

"We have to go."

"What?!"

Fischl lurches upright.

Collei just looks at her with a neutral expression.

"Why are you looking at me that way?" Collei asks.

"What are you on about?" Fischl shoots back. "You're not really thinking that it getting WORSE is a reason for you to travel?"

"It's all the reason, Princess. We have to go. If it's just slowly getting worse, no matter what I do... then we have to go and find out if there's some way to get rid of it completely. We need to find a cure."

Collei's head turns and she leans out the window.

Her hands are folded on her lap peacefully. She sits upright as though there's nothing wrong with her back whatsoever.

Fischl, before, wanted to take her abroad. She really did. But this complicates it. Now all she wants to do is put Collei on a shelf and keep her safe like a sparkly little trinket.

But...

"This makes it so clear for me. It was more uncertain when I knew I could live a good life right here. But now... I've been shown that I can't just sit around and be idle. Not when the disease is progressing."

Fischl might understand. Maybe. But this line of reasoning is still alarming her.

"We don't know that it's getting genuinely worse," Fischl says, getting up to pace back and forth. "This could just be a one-time thing."

"No, Fischl. I've been doing practically everything right. Master is the best person in Sumeru to treat me. And this still happened."

"It could be me! I gave you a flareup. We've been on adventures--"

"Don't talk like that. And I've had worse, sometimes even without consequences. I got better from that flareup when we met, anyways. This is unrelated. My Eleazar is showing me now that it wants to get worse on its own. So now, I know what I should do."

"Why do you sound so happy about this?!"

"Because it makes the decision easy, and for another reason." Collei smiles at Fischl. "When I was considering it before, I wasn't really thinking it could lead anywhere... I kind of just wanted to go on the trip. But after just now, thinking back on all your planning... I think things are different. I think I want to hope. To be able to hope. I've never done that before. Not for something this crazy big. Can you help me figure out how?"

Fischl doesn't know what to say.

"Can you help me? Can you give me the hope I need, that you can find a way to fix me? If we're all together, and travel every nation we can? Can you give me some hope that someone somewhere will help us cure this?"

Fischl's mouth goes dry. She doesn't like that usage of the word 'fix'... but Collei said it in a very easygoing way. Not a self-hating way. Collei thinks it'd be a fun and nifty thing for Fischl to 'fix' her, it seems.

"It's a shot in the dark," Fischl says. "I wouldn't feel good making a promise of any kind..."

"Make me one anyways. I don't care if you wind up breaking it."

"But-- soulmate--"

"I won't ever hold it against you, if it all ends in ruin. I just want to have whatever the hope can give me." Collei smiles. "Make me a promise, even if it ends up broken."

Fischl is speechless.

Collei seems to feel better enough that she can get off the bed and just sit next to her on the floor, and stare at Fischl with a giddy look on her face.

"Then I shall cure your disease I will lift the poison from your bones. I will give you back your lifespan, in its entirety."

The words are spoken and they feel like they're strangling Fischl tight. It's a mammoth weight crushing her shoulders. It's a bog at her ankles pulling her downwards. It is all of those things at once. Collei might say it doesn't matter if Fischl can't keep the promise... oh, but to Fischl, things are very, very different.

EVERYTHING hinges on whether Fischl can keep this promise.

"I feel so safe around you, Fischl. It's really nice." Collei's voice continues to possess an eerie calm. "Even if it doesn't change anything in the end... I'll always believe you can do it."

So does Collei believe her, or doesn't she? Everything's a tangled-up mess...

Over the next couple of days, everyone sounds surprised.

"Collei leaving? But isn't she unwell?"

She is. That's the point.

Fischl watches Tighnari's demeanor change again.

From relieved... to bittersweet.

...Dangit, Fischl understands him. Tighnari's got a heart of gold. He must really, really want this for Collei.

And, Fischl goes back to her own two boys... the ones to whom she has to re-explain the thing that was so confusing that day in Tighnari's hut.

"We're going back to Liyue?! Awesome!"

Fischl nods. "We head east to Bubu Pharmacy, and then start going all the way back to Monstadt."

"The pharmacy?" Razor asks.

Oh, that's right. These two know a few things... but, they know far from everything.

...They don't even know how bad Collei's condition is, do they?

Collei breaks into the conversation with a happy chirping to her voice. "Um, so you two know that I have an... an illness, right? Fischl had the idea that we could go on a journey to try and find new treatment for me. Master is great and has taken really good care of me, but there's only so much he can do."

Fischl lowers her head. She's leaned back against a tree. She still has her piece to say. "We must, however, partake of this journey at a... leisurely pace."

"Really? Why?" Razor asks.

Fischl glances to Collei. The girl is holding her cat plush to her chest and looking apprehensive.

"Just... well, you know. Because of Collei."

Bennett's face lights up. "Oh! I get it! Because... Collei hasn't seen all of Liyue!"

"Collei ever left Sumeru?" Razor asks.

Collei laughs and scratches at the back of her neck.

"I've actually been all over, including to Monstadt, even though I never met any of you! But... um... I feel like I didn't see a whole lot, because I was all by myself and didn't really fully appreciate anything."

Razor gasps and his eyes go wide. "That's so sad!"

"Um... it's kind of nice to think, though... I mean... I haven't been through Liyue since... um... General Cyno took me to come live with Master. So now I get to see anything I want with you guys! Oh! What about wind gliding?! I have my own glider and I'm not even scared of heights!"

Razor covers his mouth. "Really?! ...Collei maybe braver than Razor is..."

As Fischl happily watches all three of her friends laugh together, a bad feeling crawls its way over her.

Somebody's going to have to break it to Benny and Razor eventually.

But still... at least everybody's on board with it. As predicted, Benny and Razor will go where Fischl goes. But even moreso are they willing to do it for Collei.

Collei just might have more sway over them than Fischl does.

Time becomes a blur, and it is suddenly time for the final preparations and goodbyes.

Collei's already talked everything over with Master. Her substitute schoolwork assignments... her medical care and the things Fischl should know... Liyue substitutes for the Sumeru herbs they normally use for her.

It's just...

Just...

This is just the very hardest part!

Collei gazes up at Master. He looks down at her with an endearing head tilt, before deciding to kneel down to her level.

Master is the one who speaks first. "Collei... it's not that I don't want you to go on this trip. And... it's not even that I'm too worried about you, because you're with company. It's just..."

Just...

Oh, it's hard for him too!

In a move that presumably startles everybody except for Collei herself, Collei flings herself at Master Tighnari, throws her arms around his back, and hugs him as hard as she possibly can!

"I'm going to miss you! Thank you! Thank you so much for home and taking me in and taking such good care of me and-- and--"

Caring about her. Really, truly caring about her. Seeing her as a person and then never once doubting it.

Tighnari seems to know that it's okay to reciprocate, and folds his arms around Collei, gently taking her close.

Collei is so overwhelmed by emotion that she doesn't even know what her haphephobia is doing right now (if anything). She just clings to Tighnari harder and presses her face into his chest and tries to hold back her tears. It hasn't even been a year and a half... but this is the first time she'll be going away from him for any length of time.

"There, there. You're going to do just fine. I know that your friends will take care of you."

Yes. It's true. It's all true, and Collei knows he feels this way about her, but it doesn't change how she feels. How long is it going to be until she sees him again?

Tighnari leans closer over Collei (oh gosh her phobia is so confused by this) and even wraps his tail forward to bring it around her side.

"I'm going to miss you too," is all he says next.

Collei, when she finally pulls out of it, looks to Fischl first thing, expecting a look of jealousy (like when Collei hugged Madam Faruzan).

If it's there, it's contained. Fischl has her arms crossed, but she has a tender expression on her face. Must be complicated.

Collei does something she doesn't do a whole lot: she bows (not all the way! just a tiny bit) to Master Tighnari and says, one more time, "thank you."

Tighnari shakes his head. "Words can't even begin to describe how much I like having you here. It really changed everything, when you came along."

Oh, Collei better not stick around too long, or she'll start crying!

"I promise I'll keep up with my homework journals and take good care of myself and bring back lots of stories!"

"Atta girl." Tighnari crosses his arms proudly. "That's all I need. Of course, we hope you'll get something else out of this too, but, that's partially in the hands of fate, I suppose."

Of course. Nobody's ever cured Eleazar. (Come to think, do Benny and Razor even understand what she has? Hmm...)

Fischl steps up close next to Collei and grins at Tighnari. "I vow that I will protect this noble ranger with every molecule of my divine being!"

...What?

Oh. Right. Fischl has a schtick. She was breaking character so much for Collei that Collei nearly forgot that... wait, what even IS this, exactly? Secondhand embarrassment starts creeping back over her!

Tighnari visibly grimaces, but it's only for a split second before it's gone like his face never had it. He says simply, "Please do. She deserves the best."

"Hey!" Collei blurts. The embarrassment is her own, now!

"Please," Fischl says, carefully poking Collei in the side of the head. "Thou certainly doth not believe thine self so undeserving of a realm of eudaimonia and kinship on our long odyssey north?"

The cringe is, mercifully, drowned out by Collei's confusion.

Oh brother, she has a LOT to learn while she's with Fischl...

There's one other person who happens to be here, whom Collei should say goodbye to. (For her other friends, such as Madam Faruzan, Tighnari will have to send regards on her behalf.) It's somebody who's hard to face and much easier to cower from and avoid.

But Collei will be brave.

"...General... Mister... I mean... I mean... Cyno."

Cyno had been standing at the edge of the village. But, he stirs at his name.

Collei can tell that Cyno is trying his best to copy Tighnari's mannerisms. He kneels when speaking to Collei (like Master did when he first took Collei in). But, well, from Cyno, it looks more like a weird gesture of obedience? Oh, and it looks for sure like he's trying to make his face softer.

Oh, Cyno...

Collei's heart is thump-thump-thumping. She can't help but think of his fierceness and strength, and how scary he's capable of being... how much magic is in him, to be able to do things to the very bad, very dark thing that's still inside of Collei... how grave his words were, when he first met Collei, and told her about how much she had to fear from the demon, if anything ever went wrong with it again... oh, even now, Collei wants only to vomit.

She hates, hates, hates thinking about how much Cyno hurt her. It was bad. It was even more pain than any of the Doctor's procedures, and it was more pain than the serpent ever did to her on its own. It lapses from unbearable pain, to indescribable pain. Collei just wants to cry and cry when she thinks about it. (Why did her body have to be broken so many times, just for her to finally make it here?)

But... Collei doesn't hate Cyno.

Collei walks up close to Cyno and touches his headdress like it's Master's ears, and she's rubbing them.

She hears a startled sound escape Cyno's throat.

"My friends will take good care of me," Collei says. "But I understand if you'll still worry about me."

"Collei..."

"Um... thank you for everything you've done for me. ...Even if I haven't been able to just be your friend. I really, really mean it when I say... um... I think if it wasn't for you, then... then I don't think I would have made it much longer."

"Don't say that about yourself. That can't be true. You're very strong, Collei..."

"I feel strong now," Collei says. "But if you hadn't helped save me... I don't think I'd be anywhere now. I wouldn't have met Master. I wouldn't even be myself. ...Thank you for what you did for me, Cyno."

"...Collei..."

"I'm going to be gone for awhile... um... will the seal be a problem? If nobody can check it?"

"...I've talked to Fischl. ...I was able to train her in what to look for."

Wait, really? Collei didn't know that was possible.

"You're very lucky, Collei. You have one soulmate fully devoted to you." Cyno speaks with envy on his tongue. "That is a much easier arrangement than some alternatives."

"You don't have it terrible, do you, Cyno? You have Master. And a couple of others, right?"

Cyno tenses.

"I just think... well, even if things are easy for me, because the thread is almost forcing Fischl to be close to me... it doesn't really mean things have to be that different for you. You just shouldn't distance yourself from the people you're closest to. There's not really any reason to, right? ...I know you've sometimes kept away because of me, but... you can see Master more often, if I'm gone."

"You don't have to feel that way," Cyno snarls. "You don't have to feel like you were just getting between me and Tighnari. I promise you, that's never, ever been the case."

Collei carefully touches the side of Cyno's face.

"I think it was a tiny bit," Collei says. "Even if we kind of don't want to look at it that way."

"..."

"I'm going to try really hard not to be scared of you when I get back," Collei says, smiling. "I think... when I get back... I think you, and I, and Master... should do more things together. The three of us. Because he's the closest thing I have to family, and you're the soulmate who's most like family to him. Can we do that?"

"I think we can," Cyno says hoarsely.

Cyno doesn't know what family's really like (not much more than Collei would) but he likes to think the three of them would make a nice family.

This is what Cyno thinks as he is the last one to watch Collei leave.

He's able to tail the group as they cross the border. (He stays out of sight.)

Collei might never know this... but Cyno does have one more gift for her.

It's Razor. Razor walking close alongside her.

Razor wanting to protect her. Just because Cyno pulled strings and told him to do so.

Cyno watches the four of them laugh, and walk side-by-side-by-side-by-side, like there's nothing between any of them.

(Maybe one day, Cyno says to himself.)

The four leave for Liyue.

Cyno turns back and returns to Sumeru.

Chapter Text

Fischl is the first to notice that Collei is lagging.

"Collei? Art thou having difficulty matching mine pace?"

Collei hurriedly shakes her head. "No, no... the thought of going so far away from home is just a little breathtaking. I'm not used to it yet."

"Away from home," Fischl says, sounding absent. "It can be a frightening thing. But so long as thou hast thine friends..."

Collei squints. That's right. Fischl had a year that she was on her own! Collei wants to get the info about that out of her! It's very mysterious!

"...Hey, Fischl..."

"What, soulmate? Worry not, for I, thine guardian protector, am perfectly at ease. Now let me know if you need anything. Unless thou art struggling, we shall continue for now!"

Collei decides not to ask about the mystery for now.

(Later, though. She needs to know. She has to figure out what's going on inside of Fischl.)

Wow!

They're out of Sumeru!

Wow!!

Away from the humidity (even though Collei loves it in the rainforest). Into paths running through valleys, as vast pillars of stone arise around them. Collei knows that the views so high up must be great... but the thought of climbing so high and steeply is perilous to Collei! Her body can't be trusted with that, even if she's fantastic with a wind glider. (Her natural habitat really is Sumeru, with its grappling points, as it turns out.)

Razor runs on ahead, distracted by a movement low in the rocks. Benny sprints after him.

Collei notices how incredibly closely she's being peered at by Fischl, as though Fischl already wants to ask, the second that the boys are out of earshot.

Collei holds out her arms. "The bandages are staying on fine today. No stiffness. Nothing out of the ordinary! I promise!"

"...And your back?"

Collei blushes. "No! No need to check right now! It feels alright! I feel the little bit of medicine that Master applied before we left still sinking in, so we'd better not disturb it!"

Fischl's eye narrows. "If you're sure."

An odd feeling passes over Collei. It's odd, being so close and friendly with somebody that she's also getting a little scared of now... even though Fischl always means well, and Collei knows that, far from being menacing on purpose, Fischl is being overprotective.

A sudden shout interrupts Collei's peace.

"Fischl! Collei! Come quick! Benny in trouble!"

...Or is he? It's hard to tell!

"All I'm saying," Bennett says, nervously cozied up to a livestock-sized geovishap that he's stroking the nose of, as another nudges at his side, "We don't need to fight ALL the monsters we come across?"

"I'm just trying to figure out how you did this!" Fischl says loudly, before wincing at Oz, who pecks at the side of her head. "I mean! Thine Prinzessin is most impressed with this peculiar affinity, but doth it not bring to mind more mysteries than resolutions? We must discover the underlying reason of this!"

Collei's mind goes blank trying to process that.

"We... no have to fight? Benny really safe?"

"I think the hard part might be getting him away," Collei says, with a giggle. "I'm glad if the rest of us are safe from these things, though!"

"Collei, you have experience with animals, right?" Bennett says hurriedly. "Do you know how to get them to stop?"

Oh, golly. This might have to be a homework journal entry later. She should pay close attention...

"I don't know too much about the fauna of Liyue. When I was here before, I avoided anything big and threatening. Even during my time as a trainee forest ranger, I haven't worked with friendly animals larger than a big dog, so... I have no idea what to do here."

"This foe hath vexed us! We struggled with so many of these on the way down here! Why is it suddenly not an issue, as soon as we have just the right person to help us handle it?"

Fischl punctuates her reasoning with a finger jab down into Collei's side, to point out the boon to whom she is referring. (Collei just barely keeps the resulting squeak under wraps.)

"I don't know!" Bennett cries. "I'm glad it didn't attack me... but their skin is rough! Help!"

Collei, Fischl, and Razor all three look at each other and grimace.

Who's going to intervene and potentially provoke either of those things?

Bennett gets himself free enough to do something peculiar.

He lets out a weird snarl. Probably something he's imitated from Razor. Who knew the skill would be useful on non-canines, though? It's not an aggressive sound. It's more of a grunt, honestly.

One of the vishaps swats at Bennett harmlessly with a heavy, clawed forearm. Bennett still lets out an "oomph" when the weight hits him.

But, he's free!

Benny hurriedly backsteps away from the monsters and back to his friends. He holds his arms out as he does so. But he doesn't turn his back on the creatures: he maintains eye contact, even as his body is clearly trembling.

"Benny!" Razor yelps, grabbing Bennett close to check for injuries. (Collei has the instinct to do the same, but she gets the suspicion that Bennett seriously doesn't need all three of his friends doting over him ever scrape he gets, like the vishaps that had just been glomming all over him. Especially when he's probably used to dealing with all of his minor injuries by himself. He isn't like Collei, who really does need to ask for the help.)

"What was that?" Collei asks.

"Uh... I don't know? But, I'm not sure I want to get close enough to try anything like that again! ...If one of them had started to lick me, I don't know what I would do." Bennett scratches at the back of his head.

Fischl crosses her arms. "We can avoid them... but if something bad doth happen, thou wilt try to use that skill again, no?"

"What? Yeah, fine, if we were being attacked, I'd do something... but they were crushing me in their cuddles! Let's try not to do that again! Please!"

Collei giggles.

They take a lunch break at a spot that Collei knows she's been to before, but hadn't thought about that deeply at the time. She knew that ancient people built whatever this structure was... although Collei can't tell if it was a place where they lived, worshiped, or both.

But she never really thought about the 'people' aspect of it before, instead of it just being a place that she passed through and maybe took shelter from the gaze of others in. She didn't think of the building as a beautiful thing in itself... and neither did she have it in her to view its gradual crumble and partial collapse as beautiful too.

Collei easily finds it beautiful now, though. Especially as she relaxes in the shade of it.

They can put off talking about serious business (as in, Fischl caring for Collei's eleazar spots) for awhile longer. Especially if Collei can come up with something, anything, that would be a diversion...

Oh!

Collei does have something. A proposition that she's ready to announce!

Bennett and Razor whirl around to look at Collei in surprise.

"Are you really sure?" Bennett asks. "Really, really sure?!"

Razor, however, is not taking so long to get accustomed to the idea. He is slowly circling Collei like a vulture, looking for an opportune moment.

He steals close. Collei braces herself in anticipation.

"Promise," Collei says, with a twitchy smile. "I trust you two!"

"Razor!!" Bennett anxiously scolds, the second that Razor goes for it and takes Collei up on her offer.

Collei squeaks and squirms in place when Razor starts poking up her side a little bit.

Oh. Oh no. She thought nobody else would be as playful-threatening as Fischl about this... but as it turns out, Razor has less restraint. Oops?

"It's fine!" Collei says, failing to swat Razor away. "I really, really promise! It helps me!"

Bennett is far slower to make a move, but he approaches Collei from the other side and extends his hand, before finally poking her shoulder.

...In spite of Bennett's own fear of himself, Collei now decides that he's, by far, the least terrifying of her three friends. He doesn't bring disaster. It's the other two she has to worry about.

It wouldn't be bad if Collei let a few giggles now, around the boys who already know her really embarrassing secret, except... Fischl is here just within earshot, and she's the one Collei really wants to keep the secret from, or else she'll die of shame at her own weirdness. So yes, Collei has to keep it under wraps.

She just cranked the difficulty of all this up to 'really really bad,' she thinks.

"Just one second," Fischl says firmly. "There's still a rule, isn't there?"

Collei was so wrapped up in her own thoughts (and preoccupied with batting Razor's hand away) that she quirks up in surprise.

Rule? What rule? Did she forget about something?

Fischl is leaned against a pillar, and isn't so much as nearing Collei as she says, "her back is off-limits. Lay not a finger on her there."

Oh. Right. That rule! It's good that Fischl stepped in with the reminder. Collei almost forgot! And she really doesn't want to have to be reminded in a bad way and wind up angry at the boys or something. Because... bleurgh, she doesn't like thinking about her back being groped and her being so helpless about it!

"Why no back?"

"What about your arms, Collei?"

Oh, fine, she'll explain.

"Um, I don't like being touched on my back because, it's just, well, it reminds me of really bad things happening to me. As for the thing with my arms... um... they're alright to touch. I don't have sensation on the tops of my arms, but that's okay. It's not really particularly unpleasant for me to be touched there. Except maybe for the haphephobia, but that's what we're working on with all this, right?"

Collei finishes and then does a sudden jolt to one side with a loud squeak. (Fischl!! Dangit!!)

"Wait, you mean you have parts of your arms that don't feel anything?" Bennett asks, clutching his fists close to his chin. "Anything at all?"

Collei frantically waves her hands, sidestepping away from Fischl as she does so (not that she's expecting it to happen again immediately or anything). "Don't worry about me, Benny! It's surface-level. There's nothing to check on until later, and then I'll have Fischl to help me with my care. She knows what she's doing, and I'm getting better at not being afraid of her."

"Well, alright." Bennett shrugs, begrudgingly, tilting his head apologetically. "I just hope you start to feel better soon."

Collei glances to Fischl.

She had just been anticipating the next poke, and Fischl had indeed been leaning in again to deliver it... but now the two girls share some meaningful eye contact, as Benny's words sink in with both of them.

Not only has Collei not told Benny what is going on with her health...

...but Benny has tried to fill in the blanks himself, to some huge misconceptions.

They're not going all the way up to some crazy mountain peaks (even though, from the sound of it, Collei has been in a lot of really high places in the great rainforest and is skilled with a wind glider), but they are hiking through the hills and gaining altitude, when they come to a narrow, craggy place where Collei has spotted some plants she'd like to get (a cultivar of violetgrass that only grows in shade). She might be the only one who's small enough to slip into the space to get it, though.

Fischl nods her understanding, but also sends Oz fluttering after her soulmate. She can't do that when they're taking a tolerance break, sure, but this calms her nerves for these short situations. Collei must not head into a dark, uncertain place alone!

The two boys are taking the opportunity for a break, sitting down at the dirt path's edge.

...Fischl realizes this is a good chance to tell them something she's been thinking about. Not about Collei's health (that will have to be a separate conversation) but just something they should know before they take a single step further.

She doesn't know if they already know or not. But Fischl thinks Collei would allow her to share this tiny detail. Before a situation could possibly come up.

"The Fatui?" Razor says in confusion. "But what do they..."

The gears turn in Razor's brain. Furrowed brow, unfocused gaze... until his face instead contorts into a snarl of anger. (On his features, the expression still looks soft, but, Fischl knows it wouldn't look that way to her if she was on the other end of Razor's greatsword.)

"They hurt Collei," Razor says fiercely.

Fischl nods.

Razor's curiosity seems entirely sated. That, to him, is the only relevant detail about any of this. He looks unhappy, but he settles down like he's glad he knows it.

Bennett looks less surprised, for one reason or another. But, Fischl knows that Collei sometimes spends time with him alone, and it sometimes looks like they are having deep conversations. He must already know some of it.

But, oh, the way Benny's head hangs, and his sitting posture slouches forward... he sure does look depressed.

Fischl sighs, and kneels down to tousle his hair. "She's safe now," she says firmly, as Bennett peers up at her with an untouched frown. "We're going to keep her that way."

Bennett cannot stay gloomy, it seems.

He startles as Razor appears on his other side, nuzzles up to him, and heaves him upright with one arm. Bennett winces and says "hey!" but is able to stand on his two legs.

Fischl crosses her arms.

"There," she proclaims smugly. "That is far more befitting the callings of our great journey."

"Yeah!" Bennett cheers. "So Collei will get better faster!"

Fischl winces.

Crap.

Fischl doesn't like feeling angry at Benny, but... Benny needs to shut up. Before he says something that could be really bad.

The moment is tense.

Fischl wonders if Benny is about to ask her about something, from the look on her face.

But suddenly, Collei is back, excited and cheerful, and with a harvest of the plant she'd spotted, and the subject they were just barely touching on is now dropped entirely.

They consult their maps, and Fischl sends Oz high up to scout.

They are well into Liyue, but they are taking a long route because of the large distance they are cutting around the Chasm. Fischl does not well understand the politics of the region, but it seems that visitors are not welcome in the Chasm. Even a bare team of miners is scarcely tolerated.

So imagine how much danger must slip in, if good citizens are mostly not allowed? It must be rife with the Treasure Hoarders, or other bandits there to squat.

(Or worse.) Fischl has never liked the Fatui, but now she knows she has a reason for it.

So no, nobody has qualms with cutting a wide berth indeed.

The place they break camp is a scenic, open cliff. It's a wondrous night, and the sky is clear and pretty. It's been a long day of walking. They've made certain progress, thanks to their relative lack of trouble. And they'll be safe up here: ironically, the place they seem to be most exposed.

Of course, if it was going to be a windy night, they'd be having to plan differently. Fischl does not like the idea of Collei dealing with too many chills and disturbances. Collei's fitful enough at night, isn't she?

(Not anymore. The past couple of nights have been much better. Fischl aims to keep the streak going.)

Everything's about Collei. Collei's comfort. Collei's health.

It always sounds like a lot of stressing and fretting... but after over a decade of a soul thread pointing far out of reach, it relaxes Fischl to finally be able to center everything around her soulmate. It's like she's been preparing her whole life for this. This is why she became a master planner, an adventurer, a Vision-wielder, a good friend, a powerful adversary. It was all for this journey. The most important quest of Fischl's life.

(Will we find an answer?)

If they find no cure, then Fischl knows that she still will not regret doing this with Collei. She will need every single memory she is capable of forming together with Collei, if life is as frail as her anxieties try to tell her. These days will be precious to her in all the years to come.

A full day of travel should have Collei more worn-out than this.

But...

She's still excited and giddy and bubbly about everything.

(It might be a little hard to sleep tonight. Even if the bedroll is sounding comfy.)

Her heart still aches when Fischl sits in a graceful posture, and has both of her boys next to her, one on each side leaned against her, and they look so comfortable and together and Collei just feels left out of it. The invitation is unspoken, but Collei's own phobia just won't give her permission to share in any of it. It's not fair!

Collei realizes something's near her hand... and then she realizes it's Oz.

Collei lets Oz get on her shoulder.

They're eating well off of camp-food. Liyue is hardly replete of fish to catch or safe leafy vegetables to eat.

"So..." Collei giggles. "I know, we could tell scary stories around the fire, if we wanted... but I have a better idea."

Collei has been thinking about this all day (in between random jumpscare pokes from all three of her friends; yes, even Bennett, in all his hesitation).

And she's pumped because... she doesn't know which one she wants to know about the most. Collei is going to explode with excitement!

Here goes. Her great idea.

"We should... all tell our Vision stories!"

The worst she'd expected was that the others would already know all each other's, and only Collei's would be brand-new to them.

But what she witnesses is bad.

Fischl turns to her right, and Benny winces, visibly, from his jaw. Razor is motionless.

Collei's eyes lock on Razor's. And they stay there, and watch his eyes stay glassy as he looks frightened and small and dead in front of Collei.

...Maybe not everyone has a story that needs to be remembered.

(This must be Razor's trauma. And it must be different from Collei's. Maybe it doesn't want to make itself known to anybody. Maybe it wants to stay hidden.)

Fischl is the one who clears the silence.

"Not all of us possess origin stories of triumphant or optimistic nature," she says, with a dignified gesture that ends with her hand held in front of her face. "Or, in some cases, very much of a Vision story at all. ...That being said, our dearest friend of misfortune does have a decent one. And perhaps, the true reason you asked such a thing, soulmate... is that you feel good about yours, and want it to be known?"

Collei's heavy heart lifts up.

"Can I go first?" she blurts.

Collei thinks that her friends would be disturbed and scared by what she's telling them... if they didn't know that it ended with Collei, alive and well, getting a Vision.

"I felt strong about my own skills. But the weather was getting worse and worse... and I was freaking out, because we were so short on people, and-- and part of me knew that the only thing that made sense would be to wait for Master to come back from where he was, but-- but it was a kid. Someone all alone. And if nobody helped her, she was probably going to die."

What Collei is telling them is tantamount to a story of sacrifice. Her own sacrifice. Complete disregard, not only for her general wellbeing (it was an against-the-odds gambit for Collei, certain to end with her own life snatched up in the jaws of a beast) but for the thoughts of anybody who cared about her. If she died, surely it would haunt Master Tighnari for the rest of his life.

But Collei's tracking abilities pulled through. She found the girl, positioned herself between her and the animals that had targeted her as prey, and let loose.

It wouldn't save either of them. But it would buy the girl a few more minutes of life, and she wouldn't die alone. Collei knew that both those things were worth recognizing as mercies: the kinds of things that would have saved her heart in her darkest days, if anybody had cared about her back then.

But the little girl did not die.

Collei shot one tiger to death on her own, but knew she was about to be overwhelmed. She was tinkering with the idea of drawing on a forbidden source of power, if it was at all possible to break the seal (although she knew well the consequences that would have on her), when suddenly it happened instead.

The scene had been bathed in darkness and crashing rain, and Collei saw only by narrow, dim grey light, when suddenly they were bathed in green instead, and Collei found herself flooded by the power she needed to finish the job and get out of it with her own soul intact.

Not today, Serpent.

Having an element driving her attacks was enough to make the difference she needed. Bursts of dendro could do something that mere arrows alone could not.

Recklessness. Newfound surges of energy. Totally unfocused and unrefined. Completely unlike the well-guided arrow Tighnari could let loose with his own dendro Vision. Collei's direction of the power itself was sloppy and unsteady, and all-over-the-place.

But it worked.

Shot after shot after shot. Whimpering tigers. Paws turning in haste and sprinting off. Several of the beasts limping away in defeat, their silhouettes marked by the arrows still protruding from their backs.

At the end of it, Collei and the young girl turned to each other in relieved shock.

Collei finally looked to the floor, found her Vision by its now-dimming light, and grabbed onto it tight. Then, they sat down and waited out the storm, in what little dry spot they had. Hours later, they were found by Tighnari, whose face showed far too many distressed emotions all at once, and looked as though he hadn't slept for a hundred years.

"No good deed goes unpunished, I suppose."

That was what Master said, as Collei was laid up in bed with a flareup for days and days after that.

However, Master never seemed to have a single word of reprimand for her. Nothing that she should have done differently.

Collei kept expecting to be scolded... but the scolding never came.

Master took care of her, commiserated with her about flared-up skin and aching bones, upped her painkillers, and spent a lot of time at her bedside. He also watched her tinkering with her Vision and finding that she could animate scraps of cloth or the corner of a blanket, and didn't tell her to stop and let it rest.

"But... you're going to tell me not to do anything like that ever again, right?"

"No, I don't really think I can." Tighnari heaved a sigh. "Your life is your own, and you're doing a lot of good with it. I'm just very relieved that nothing worse happened. You of all people deserve a Vision, and I hope that it guards you well, in addition to how you use it for others. Your survival is still important too, y'know?"

Collei remained curled-up on her side, clutching her newly-won Vision in her hands.

She's let Master touch it. He inspected it and compared it against his own. Identical.

"You always want me to be more careful with myself... and I was about to throw it away."

"Yes, but I understand why, and I am very, very, very proud of you." Master sounds warm and emotional.

But also, there is one other thing in his voice: exhaustion. He's still not over the shock. "I think there is one thing we'll need to talk about, though."

"...Which is?"

"Your training, once you get better. I'm going to get you away from the books for a little bit." Tighnari softly touches Collei on the nose. "We're going out in the woods, and you're getting some more personal lessons from me. I can't wait for us to find out what you can do with your Vision."

When Collei finishes, she gets flustered, fast, by the adoring mix of cheering and "awww"-ing from her friend group. Razor is awestruck the entire time. Fischl stares at her with fond admiration in her smirk. Bennett is obviously holding himself back from smothering her in a hug (what Collei receives is a bunch of pokes to her shoulder, as a compromise).

"It was really no big deal," Collei says, blushing and trying to wriggle her way out of it, as she at last successfully bats Bennett's hand away (not from annoyance; it's involuntary).

"I beg to differ," Fischl interjects. "Because I think it is a very big deal indeed. Thou mayst perhaps have the best and most heroic Vision story here."

Bennett nods energetically. "Yeah! Mine is cool too, but yours is about more than just yourself, y'know?"

Collei blushes and says (without any menace) "Shut up..."

(Inside, though, she knows it's true: They're right. And that makes her happy, actually. Has she really finally moved past her old selfishness?)

Benny has a great Vision story too!

Collei looks at his scars (many of them cauterized cuts from his expedition) in a new light now. She thinks of all the pain that it must have brought him... all the pain that his curse maybe still does bring him... but how no amount of it really seems to bother him. Not like Collei, who really has to pay attention to every ache in her limbs.

Collei is very tired, but rested thanks to how it just feels to be with three of the people who make her feel the safest, all day without more than a few minutes of separation. She never could have imagined this... the opposite of being completely alone... she wants to relax and hope that this can last forever. This is the real purpose of the journey for her: not a cure for eleazar, but a cure for all the days that she never thought this would ever be real.

She slinks down into the big sleeping bag she shares with Fischl (the boys have one of their own, that it sounds like they have to shove each other around in and bicker in hushed voices before the space is shared evenly and they're comfortable).

She curls up into a small little ball on her side of it, feeling secure and warm, and falls asleep to the sounds of the campfire flickering low and Fischl's hushed snoring.

Chapter Text

"That's a great idea, Fischl!"

They finally came up with some idea of what to go in their lockets (since they probably won't take a photo anytime soon, or get a drawing done, or similar). Who said it had to be a picture, anyway?

There is, of course, always a problem.

Collei likes the idea. She really does.

It's just hard to sit still! For this kind of thing especially!

Fischl cocks an eyebrow. "Thou knowst that I cut Bennett's hair, no?"

No, Collei did not know that.

It doesn't help anything though! She's way too sensitive, including her scalp! If Fischl touches her hair, it probably won't be vomit-inducing, but it'll freak her the heck out from how not-used she is to being touched like that!

(Master gets to tousle Collei's hair. And that IS one of her favorite ways of being touched. But even that is so overwhelming that it can only last for a few seconds at a time. She can't bear it for longer than that, even if it makes her laugh and her heart feel full.)

Fischl leans in real close and barely touches just a lock of Collei's hair. It's enough to make Collei draw in a deep, shuddering breath out of fright.

Fischl doesn't move away from Collei at all. Her gaze flicks left and right, and up and down, around the frame of Collei's face.

"...I noticed early on it was asymmetrical," Fischl says dryly, "but it's starting to make more sense now. That's a good job for doing it to yourself, you know."

That's embarrassing. Somewhat. Should Collei be embarrassed?

Collei's hands knit together with apprehension.

Fischl continues dryly, "If you work up the courage, I could do it for you. You know I cut Bennett's hair, right?"

Collei didn't know that.

Still, Collei grabs her arms, as she feels her skin go clammy. Even though Fischl taking care of Collei's hair would probably be really nice, Collei does not like this kind of touch being drawn out. It's getting too near to a very specific unpleasant memory of Collei winding up with a shaved head and terror of what could possibly be next (she has an overactive imagination for the extent of human cruelty for a reason, after all).

"Collei?" Fischl asks softly, her voice suddenly having an extreme curiosity restrained by gentleness.

"I'm alright," Collei finally says, as she at last gets the courage to take Fischl's hand and move it away from her face. "I'm okay for now. I'll tell you about it later. ...If you want to know."

"Tell me if you want," Fischl says, as she takes the scissors she'd gotten from her bag, and hands them to Collei instead of using them on her herself. "But you never have to. Okay?"

Collei and the boys practically make a game of something that ought to be grim.

Somehow it comes up when it's just the three of them while Fischl is stealing off to hunt for meat. Collei's arms happen to be exposed so that her scales can air out, and... well, Razor and Benny see her scars, but they seem to be able to look at them without being horrified or wondering what hunted Collei, because... well, maybe because Benny and Razor are covered in scars too! Also, with Fischl not nearby, Collei is okay with the occasional squeak or giggle that slips out when Razor traces over a scar of hers.

"Ah! Haha! That one's from training. I broke a bowstring when I was trying really hard to get the hang of it."

"This one?" Razor asks, moving his hand to a different spot on the underside of her forearm.

"Ahhh! That one's-- um-- that one's from an accident when I was all on my own in the wild!"

Collei has a few really good ones. She's glad that they're not all ones that she'd carry any kind of shame about.

"They're all healed, right?" Benny asks. "Not your scales, but all the scrapes and stuff?"

Collei laughs as Bennett moves her other arm, to examine more of her old cuts and faded bruises, out of pure concern (unlike Razor's curiosity). "Agh! Benny!"

"Hey! Collei! I'm trying to look!"

"Sorry!"

"Well, it doesn't hurt, right?"

"No, it doesn't!"

"Collei," Razor says, when the three finally decide to sit down together, in part so that looking at Collei's scars will be easier, since she keeps involuntarily shoving them away from her, even though she's relatively okay with being touched right now. She's checked out the boys' scars already, which doesn't take as much time when they're all so much more easily explained, but they're still looking at her scars because she has so many stories to tell and they're not all from just random scrapes in the wilderness. But oops, the thing is, she's still ticklish!

Collei laughs as Razor's fingertips travel across the healed suture on her left forearm, but Razor has a grave look on his face, and Bennett's spirit is also gone as he leans over to see what Razor's looking at.

Razor's voice sounds really serious. "Did Collei hurt self?"

Collei squeaks (mostly just from surprise at the question). "What do you mean like... like on purpose?"

"Yes," Razor says, with a note of force to it.

"Um..."

What Razor is staring at is a very unnatural scar indeed, that he can definitely tell comes from something strange. Travelling down her left arm is a lengthy suture, intersected by smaller cuts.

"Collei hurt by knife," Razor says in his low whisper. "Did Collei do this to self?"

The truth about that scar is nauseatingly, stomach-flippingly sickening and Collei doesn't think these two are ready to hear about it. But, the answer to the question is no. Razor's guess is off. Collei has made a lot of bad decisions, but she's never been tempted by the idea of just deliberately hurting herself. Something about her instincts is wired too hard against the idea to even allow her body to take that kind of move against itself. Maybe it's a curse and a blessing.

"It's okay, Razor," Collei says (inasmuch as she can say "it's okay" about anything the Doctor did to mess with her). "I didn't do that to myself. That was done to me."

Razor loses his fierceness and deflates, leaning softly against Collei's side with tired empathy. Collei lets him stay close; being next to Razor makes her feel fuzzy and giddy and safe.

"Is not okay," Razor says. "Very cruel scar."

Benny looks over at Collei with a wondrous look in his eyes. "Maybe that one's just medical? Like, did you have a surgery or something?"

Yikes! Benny's guess is right. But it makes shudders and shivers crawl all over Collei. She thinks Fischl was able to handle the knowledge of 'no anaesthesia,' but Benny might not be able to.

(Telling Benny would be fun, Collei supposes. In the same way that telling Fischl was weirdly fun. But telling the boys now would just be too much of a freakout. Collei should wait for the right time before she tells her really scary stories to them.)

"It's just a scar that was made to hurt me and cause me pain. I'm okay now. I know that you and Benny and Fischl won't ever let anybody hurt me this way, and we're safe as long as we're all together."

The answer doesn't entirely satisfy Razor. But he doesn't ask further. He instead just stays there, protectively, by Collei's side.

Collei still feels a bit haunted today. Sometimes the past follows her behind pretty closely. Her mind is a difficult thing to run from.

She wants to talk to Fischl later. That'll help.

There's still little things she hasn't told Fischl. Thankfully, Fischl's one of the people she likes explaining them to. She seems able to handle details that the boys aren't.

A little bit later, Collei grabs Fischl's hand and takes her away to talk.

"I'm glad I have nice hair," Collei says, leaning back against the cliff face, making her body small to better fit into the midday shadows. "It means I must look nicer than I did when I was a kid."

Fischl wants to interject "you still are a kid" but recognizes it's not really the main issue right now.

"Anyways... the memory I wanted to tell you more about is..."

Collei's lips twist uselessly for a few seconds. She grabs Fischl by the arm and tugs her down to her level.

Collei's hand brushes over the edge of Fischl's ear. Fischl mentally braces herself.

Fischl shudders. Hard.

Fischl regains her composure as quick as she can, but does not shed her sympathy. She places a hand over her mouth in horror.

"The thing I hated most was not having it to run my hands through anymore," Collei says. "It helped me a lot with stress relief, since it's the only thing I had that I could do something with. Since I didn't have toys or anything. It would be nice if you can give me a haircut someday. I know I should trust you on a logical level, but for now it's really scary even just for Master to touch my hair, and it makes me really afraid to think about somebody else cutting it."

Fischl's hand turns. She feels herself about to chew on a fingernail, and has to shove down the impulse, and force herself to stop thinking about it. She knows who these memories are about, and by day it makes her very uneasy.

One day I'll kill him.

The thought is uncharacteristically violent and intrusive. Fischl has heard many things from her own mind, but that one is enough to catch her off-guard. Why would she think that so suddenly? ...Asides from the obvious reasons, of course.

Collei looks afraid as she gazes back at Fischl.

Fischl wipes own her expression away as quickly as she can.

"Soulmate," Fischl says stiffly, "I shall leave thine hair alone... but... didst thou want me to perhaps..."

"...get the other stuff over with?" Collei finishes, in a dark mumble. She's procrastinated it enough hours, Fischl knows. "Yeah. Let's go somewhere private."