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It was the crew’s third or fourth night in the shadow-cursed lands and Gale was certain he had ever felt worse. On top of the whole being in a blighted land where nearly every creature was ravaged to madness by a curse and even the air itself tried its damndest to suffocate anyone that dared to breathe it, he was recently told by his magic ex-girlfriend to literally kill himself.
But all of this was for a greater good, he supposed. Every moment he and the others spent here was for Halsin and curing the lands and stopping Kethric and the Absolute and….
Just the thought of the god made Gale need to rub his temples in distress, he really was going to die. When Elminster had told him about Mystra’s divine death sentence a seed of nerves bloomed in his gut. It was vile, the feeling of dread that just weighed down his whole body. His limbs became like lead, each step he took was just one more pace closer to his demise. And in his most pessimistic state, Gale feared the roiling pit in his stomach was worse than the Netherese orb that started this whole mess.
This rumination had become a nightly occurrence. Gale had to clutch his chest and regulate his breathing just to try and get a lick of sleep. Once his body had calmed down after much too long, he could finally try and regulate his thoughts. Most of the time instead of sleeping he just ended up staring at the blacked out sky or the ceiling of their Inn room or his companions.
And yet, for the first time in a while, Gale felt at peace. His death was going to be spectacular, a marvel that would be told about for eons to come. The Absolute will have come and gone in the blink of an eye and the story of Gale’s Folly would be a bittersweet tale told to ambitios wizards about the price of power. Not to mention that pesky brain-controlling cult would be essentially wiped off the map, and with their false god gone, Gale’s friends would have no issue picking off any remaining stragglers that worshiped it.
Tonight was not unlike the others, Gale laid on his side on a rickety old bed in the Last Light Inn and went through his nightly affirmations. Each time he shifted the bed would creak and moan under his wait, so he hoped that sleep would overtake him sooner rather than later, but it did not. Under the pale glow of Isobel’s moonlight aura streaming in through a hole in the roof, Gale glanced at each of his companions that he could see without craning his neck or rolling over.
Astarion laid on his back on another bed, propped up to a near sitting position with an exorbitant amount of pillows. He looked so peaceful when he tranced, Gale was almost jealous. Halsin had shifted into a bear for the evening and Lae’zel propped herself up against him, she was never one for sleeping through the whole night and she kept her hand gripped on a blade for the whole evening. And then there was Casper, they had curled up in a bed roll on the floor right next to Gale’s bed, huddled up in a blanket and resting alongside the wizard’s cat familiar, Tara Jr.. Gods, the scene was so serene Gale wished he could memorialize it in a painting and hang it up in his tower back home when all of this was said and done, but that was wishful thinking.
Fuck this, Gale was getting too deep into his own head. He sat himself upright, at the behest of his bed which made known his disapproval of his movements, and swung his legs over the side of the bed and, as quietly as he could, padded his way toward the door to their room. Gale wasn’t sure what he wanted to do, but he needed to clear his head. Maybe a walk around the building or a shot of something from the kitchen. He could snag a book from somewhere and do some reading he thought. He crossed the threshold of the door and stood in the blindingly dark hallway.
Without thought, Gale’s feet carried him off in the direction of the makeshift bath house. He couldn’t see where he was going, on account of his human eyes, so he lightly kept his hand over the wall to guide him. He counted the doors he passed; one, two, three, turn the corner, door four. Gale stepped into door number 5 and slowly shut it behind him.
The room had a single circular wash basin big enough to hold a person of average build, he would be fine but Karlach might have had to really fold herself up to fit, a rack with some spare rags and one bar of lavender soap. Gale muttered a dancing lights invocation and the room became aglow with shifting motes of blue and purple. He wasn’t used to bathing like this, if he were on the road he would just have just magiced the dirt off and called it a day, and if it were his tower he would have the most lavish bath with candles and fine smelling soaps, a glass of wine, too, perhaps.
In lieu of a fancy golden trimmed porcelain tub, Gale was at least grateful for the small enchantments that Jaheira had placed in here when she arrived. Gale was quite adept at manipulating all aspects of the Weave, yet druidic magics eluded him, so he invoked the spells Jaheira inscribed into the wash basin and from the ether clean water surged and sloshed around the tub until it was full. The iron banding on the inside began to glow red hot, a heat metal spell, Gale figured, and the water sizzled to life. Steam poured out of the tub and filled his sinuses, just the one whiff of the piping hot air filled him with so much warmth. Gale gingerly tested the water with the tip of his index finger, it burned the same way summoning a fireball did, and he figured it was good enough.
His mind was free of his grim thoughts for the time being, his only focus being getting into the bath as soon as possible. Gale, as meticulous as ever, still took the time to fold each piece of his robes and armor as he removed it. He placed all his jewelry in a pile on top of his cloak of protection, including a ring that Casper once pulled out of a dead body’s charred viscera and insisted he take. Of course, Gale took it with a smile and wore it
Nude now, the wizard immersed himself into the tub, pulling his knees up to his chest and leaning into them. Gods, he hadn’t had a long bath in who knows how long, not since the nautiloid incident and that was weeks ago. Gale probably smelled like shit and dried blood, he mused yo himself, and mentally apologized to his companions for having to put up with it. But at the same time, all of them got covered in goblin guts and intellect devourer juice from time to time, so if they all smelled bad did it really count?
Still, he let the warm water soak into his skin and melt away the tension in his back. Gale felt like his bones were going to turn to jelly in this water, and he would let them. He bent himself further still and let the bottom of his chin touch the water. A breath in, a breath out. Gale cupped his hands and brought a splash of his bath to his face and held his hands there after.
The moment was intimate, just Gale, his dancing lights, and the ancient Netherese orb of devastating magic that was the antithesis of the Weave he spent so long studying and the very thing that was going to end his life but gain the favor of the goddess he boned.
Gods damn it all, there he was again. Gale clenched his fists and hugged his knees, pulling them closer to his chest. Each pulse he felt was just a steady reminder of that thing in him. Clutching himself so so tightly, instead of his heat being at the center of him it was that damn orb, it was his core, his center, he was the Netherese magic. His own blood was poisoned with it, he couldn’t escape it, he had to…
Gale wept. First it was silent hot tears that rolled down his face and caught in his beard, he couldn’t feel the new wetness on his face but he felt the heat and he felt his eyes cloud up and he felt the knot in the back of his throat. And then it was a sob, he tried to choke it back but gods it felt so good to let go. His body shook and he couldn’t help the muffled cry that escaped his mouth.
Part of him felt so childish, letting himself cry like this. It was so unfair, everything was, he would never go back home, he would never get to hang up a portrait of his friends, he would never see the sun again properly without the shadow-cursed haze, he would never say goodbye to Tara. Never, never ever. The rest of his life was just to be ripped away by his godesses’s command, and he mourned for his fate.
If Mystra had only asked him to die a month earlier, then he might not have any quarrels with doing so. But Gale had found love in this group, these little weirdos with bugs in their heads were his friends, he had the smallest inkling of hope with them. Gale had found camaraderie in Astarion, their banter and snide quips kept him from tiring out on long hikes, Karlach was maybe the kindest person he’d met, and he’d be damned if he didn’t give her a proper sendoff when her engine expired. And there was Casper. Gods damned Casper, the witty little warlock. Gale would be lying to himself if he said he wasn’t fond of them. When they spent that night of the tiefling party plucking at the strands of the weave together, when Casper imagined kissing him in a moment of pure, magically-fueled romance, Gale knew it was over for him. If only they didn’t have to-
“Gale?”
The wizard startled and the dancing lights blinked out, leaving him in suffocating darkness.
“It’s Casper”
As if they needed the introduction. Gale recognized the smooth and low intonation of their voice, it was so soothing when it wasn’t shouting the verbal invocations for an eldritch blast. He would have loved to hear it at an other time than right now, naked and sobbing in the pitch dark bathroom.
Gale tried his best to muster a normal voice, to hide that he was crying “Um, I’m not decent right now.” he choked out.
“Well I would hope so if you’re bathing.”
If Casper noticed he had been crying by the sound of his voice, they didn’t show it. Gale sighed and wiped his face off. He was still hugging his legs tight to himself, but he hadn’t noticed the crescent shaped markings he left on his arms from bracing so tightly with his nails. He was certain he looked a mess, he didn’t want Casper to see him like this, but there was still a small flutter in his belly at knowing they were so close.
“Listen,” Casper continued “I know you’ve got a lot on your mind… and, well, in it, so feel free to tell me off for bothering you. I just wanted to check in and see if you were alright.”
Gale breathed out a pathetic chuckle. Thank you, Casper. He should have said. I do appreciate you coming to check on me, I’ll be just a few more minutes.
“All of my intimate parts are covered, you can come in if you’d like to talk” was not what Gale should have said, but he did anyway.
Gale heard the footsteps shift outside the flimsy little wooden door separating him from them, and heard it creak open, but couldn’t see anybody standing there. He summoned his dancing lights again, and let the orbs settle on the floor of the room, he could see Casper properly now as they stood in the doorway. His heart skipped a beat as he looked at them, they were disheveled from sleep, brown hair tousled and eyes still half closed. Casper rubbed their prosthetic eye as it adjusted to the new light level here, and then stepped in and gently shut the door behind them.
Casper didn’t say anything at first, and Gale was thankful for that. Gale knew that they knew he had been crying, and he wasn’t ready to just open his mouth and spill his guts about everything just yet. Casper instead wordlessly sat down on the floor next to the tub and folded up their legs. It was so quiet for so long, only the rhythmic breathing of the two and an occasional sniffle from Gale as he finished up his little moment. Yet, neither of them felt awkward or tense at all. Gale found comfort in the presence of the other, and knew that had Casper not shown up, he might have spiraled. It was silly, to think about, but it was true.
Eventually Casper looked to the side to look at Gale properly. His face was still red but the tears had stopped. “Would you like to talk about it?”
“I’m not sure there is anything to talk about.” Gale lied. “My goddess gave me a commandment, and who am I to deny her of her divine judgment?” He let out a pathetic laugh and turned to lock eyes with Casper. Their gaze was so…soft. It made Gale melt almost immediately, he couldn’t keep up this act for long, Casper was too keen to let it slide. Gale dropped his gaze back to the water and looked at his hands that grasped onto the front of his legs. “I am angry, yes… I didn’t think there was much for me after the climax of my folly, and after all this time I had accepted my own damnation. I’ve resigned myself to death, accepted it, even. It’s simply the price to be paid, after all. That doesn’t mean that I still can’t mourn the life I’ve found here…”
“So what changed? Do you still want to die?”
Gale opens his mouth to speak, but no words come out. He fumbles over something coherent but can’t make sense of anything. The truth was that he didn’t know. He didn’t know if he wanted to die. I mean he didn’t want to die die, but he wanted to gain Mystra’s forgiveness, he wanted to be rid of both his parasites, he wanted to feel peace again. Gale was so sick of the arcane hunger, he was so sick of the constant dread of his impending explosion… Fuck, Gale was so torn up inside.
“No.”
He let out a long shaky breath, Gale could feel the tears clouding his vision again and he had to choke back the lump in his throat.
“Ok. Then I’ll make sure you’re safe.” Casper’s voice was so calm, it confused Gale. How were they not freaking out about this, he hadn’t seen Casper break a sweat over anything the Absolute threw at them, and talking their wizard bestie off of his metaphorical ledge was no different. But there was something so soft about what they just said, he wasn’t sure if he imagined it, but Gale could have sworn he heard a waver in their voice towards the end.
He felt Casper reach up a hand and their fingers, bitten off nails, stubby cuticles, and all, ran through one of the pieces of hair by his temple, and it was delicately tucked behind his ear. The touch was soft, so feather light he almost thought it was a mage hand, but Casper rested their hand over Gale’s neck and he felt the heat of their fingers. He felt the blood pulsing through them, he felt them. Gale blinked out a single tear and let out a shaky breath he was holding for so long.
“May I wash your hair, Gale?”
The wizard only nodded, and Casper smiled. The half elf made their way to the back of the tub and knelt so they were just slightly above Gale’s head. The two made quick work of wetting his hair and Casper began to lather their hands with the lavender soap.
Gently Casper massaged their fingertips into Gale’s scalp, making sure to get even the baby hairs at the back of his neck. Gale couldn’t think of the last time someone did anything so intimate for him. Each touch from Casper was so tender, they wiped loose suds from his forehead, made sure not to get soap in his ears, combed their fingers through his hair to prevent tangles… Gale dared to think this was more intimate than if they were both nude and rolling around in the sheets. He liked that.
The last person to take care of Gale like this was his own mother, when he was still a child and unable to clean himself properly. No lover, er friend, before this would ever have volunteered nor would Gale have let them. His walls were already lowered when he allowed Casper to see him like this, so weak and pathetic, naked and not in the context of sex. It was unknown to him.
His mind briefly flitted over Mystra. Would she do this for him? Would she get on her knees and take care of him in a moment of weakness? Would she see him so vulnerable and not have her way with him?
“Alright, let’s get this rinsed out.” Casper cut his train of thought, which Gale mentally thanked him for; he didn’t want thoughts of Mystra to ruin this perfectly good moment.
Gale nodded and leaned himself forward in the tub, using his hands to scoop the water and bring it up over his hair. He could really smell the soap now and watched the bubbles form in the water, obscuring his body underneath. One or two more splashes and his hair was clean.
“Wow, you sure do clean up nicely, huh?” Casper said with a chuckle and combed their fingers through his hair once more. Gale leaned back fully, to Casper’s surprise, and placed his head on their clothed chest. The angle was awkward, as he had to bend his neck a little further back than he would normally like, but Casper leaned forward, over the edge of the tub and met Gale. Their arms came around his shoulders and Casper embraced Gale from behind.
Gale could feel their pulse, their heart with a lack of Netherese magic. He could feel their hands that had cared for them so tenderly, the skin that brushed over his, the breath that told him he would be safe. He felt Casper’s lips place a kiss on the top of his head. It was platonic, he was sure, and meant more of a reassurance than anything, but gods did he just want to leap out of the water and kiss them back.
Casper’s arms unclasped from around Gale’s shoulders and they pulled away a moment later. “I’ll leave you to dry off. And then come back to bed, please. I don’t want you leaving my sight any time soon, understood?” Casper stood, brushed some loose wood splinters from their clothes knees, and walked to the door of the washroom. There was no door knob, so they placed their fingers in the hole where a knob would go. “And don’t be a stranger, I don’t like to see you cry, dear.”
Casper opened the door and slipped out into the dark hallway, leaving Gale alone again. This time it wasn’t the soul-crushing and heartbreaking loneliness he felt before. His whole body was warm, despite his bath being tepid at best, and his limbs sparked with electricity. There was no use resisting the small smile that grew on his face either, it felt good to smile after all that.
And so, Gale emerged from the water, and in the faint glow of his lights, toweled off and redressed. The enchantments on the tub drained the water silently, and he carefully put each piece of jewelry back on. The ring he received from Casper glimmered in the soft glow of his magic, he clutched it right to his chest before slipping it back onto his finger.
Gale breathed in and out, and returned to bed. He returned to them.