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“…I’m sorry.”
“What? Jimmy, hey… You don’t have to be sorry. What could you possibly be apologizing for..?”
“I’m sorry you had to be paired with me.” Jimmy says it plainly at first, trying not to lose face. But as soon as the most honestly apology he could muster leaves his lips, he feels it wasn’t truthful enough. He really was so, so sorry. “I’m sorry that we died first… I died first again, even if I tried to be careful. I was so careful… I thought it would be different this time.”
Tango is silent. He thinks about how to respond for only one moment. Tango doesn’t often think before acting or speaking.
“Don’t apologize for that. It’s… Jimmy, I’m the reason we died in the first place. It was my fault. It was all my fault Jimmy, okay? Please don’t apologize for that.”
“I— I feel like it is my fault though!” Jimmy raises his voice in frustration, whining a little. “It’s like- at first I was a little upset, but the more and more I thought about it, I-… It’s still my fault. I gave you my bad luck. Because we’re soulmates, now you’re cursed too. It’s still my fault.”
Tango watches his rancher pour his heart out, his frustrations and turmoil that had clearly been bothering him for some time.
“If something bad happens to you, at the end of the day- it’s because of me! Because we’re soul bound, you carry that bad omen too. I don’t want that.. not for you.” Jimmys voice cracks when he tries to finish his thoughts aloud. “…I wish you weren’t my soulmate, because I don’t want this for you. You don’t deserve to be cursed with me. You deserve so much better.”
For a moment Tango looks almost horrified. It shows in his expression and that makes Jimmy whimper in shame. He tries to hide himself with his wings, before Tango quickly moves.
Tango has always been quick witted. Jimmy adores that about him.
“No- no no, Jimmy! Jimmy, hey. Look at me…” Tango tries to soften his tone, which sounded almost angry at first. He was only angry at anything and anyone that ever made Jimmy feel this way. He was angry at the world, angry at God. But he was never, not for one moment, angry at his rancher.
“…I’m so sorry… I’m sorry. I’m cursed…” Jimmys lip is quivering. His ear feathers ruffle as Tango gently takes his chin, turning his head. They lock eyes, and Tango can see Jimmy’s are full of tears. Those large brown eyes of his are blown wide and sparkling with moonlight.
“Jimmy… Jimmy.” Tango repeats his name and now gently cups both Jimmys cheeks with his warm hands. His hair is burning brightly, warming any part of Jimmy that ever might have been cold. Jimmy forgets what being cold feels like, in this moment.
“Never apologize for being my soulmate. That’s not something I would ever change, not if I got the chance ten times over. Okay?” Tango is firm, and he squints his glowing red eyes at Jimmy. “Never apologize for being my rancher.”
Jimmy cries. He’s unable to stop a pathetic sob from escaping his throat, and he cries into Tango’s hands. His hand sizzles when a tear gently touches the surface of his skin. It hurts both of them, but it’s the kind of hurt that grounds you in reality. It burns in a way that makes Jimmy feel at home.
He only moves so he can muzzle his face into the crook of Tango’s neck. This burns him too. His tears touch Tango’s nape and he breathes out heavily, Tango starts to steam.
“My rancher… my rancher.” Tango repeats happily. He embraces Jimmy, hands now resting firmly at his sides. Their chests were up against one and other, and their hearts were humming in pleasant harmony at being so close.
“…My rancher…” Jimmy murmurs in reply, his eyes are barely open as tears keep spilling from them. “…I’m going to be the death of you… We’re going to die, and it’ll all be because of me…”
“That’s okay.“ Tango’s response is almost faster than one beat of his heart. Jimmys heart pulses hearing it. “I’m okay with that… if I get to die with my rancher, it won’t be so bad.” Jimmy can’t see it, but Tango has a large smile on his face. If Jimmy saw, his heart might’ve split in two. “If you’re with me, death won’t hurt so much.”
“You can’t mean that…” Jimmys heart is aching, so he denies it anyway. “You… you couldn’t possibly be okay with this. Being bound to a curse. To a stupid canary bird. You have to hate me, even if only a little. Please, tell me you hate me for it.” He begs, weakly clinging at Tango’s vest.
“Never.” Jimmy can hear the smile in his voice now, and feel how he holds him tighter. “I said it, I could never hate my rancher. Could never hate you. As if you gave me any reason to, anyway.”
“You have plenty…”
“Not enough. The universe can play with you and put as many curses on you as it wants. They won’t get in the way of me loving you all the same. If they want to kill you, I guess they’ll have to kill me too. If that’s the way it is… I’m okay with that.” Tango leaves a kiss on Jimmys forehead. The smoke steaming from his hair forms the shape of a heart above them.
Jimmy whimpers. Nobody has ever spoken to him with such unconditional love, and unwavering devotion. He can’t imagine why anybody would love him in the way Tango did. His heart pulsed as he pulled up to give Tango a kiss on the lips.
Their kiss is hotter than the flames of Tango’s hair, and it’s hotter than the fires that would ever burn down their ranch walls. The kiss burns their faces, and neither of them pull away.
Their hearts are completely full, Jimmys wings are now securely wrapped around Tango’s back. They dangerously flap close to his firey hair. Every touch, every little kiss and gentle grazing of their skin, it feels dangerous. Their souls are always on the edge of harm, always on the edge of death.
Jimmy found himself getting used to that feeling. He found himself not minding, if he could share it with Tango. Death wasn’t scary at all if his rancher was with him. His rancher could keep him safe.
“I love you… my rancher, my honey…” Tango mewls, eyes half lidded in a lazy smile.
“I love you too… I do, I love you so much. Please never stop being my rancher.”
“I won’t. I can’t. We’re soulmates remember? Together forever, till the end.”
The end was so much sooner than either of them wanted. Sooner than they were ready for. The two ranchers and soulmates who would die a million times for each other would fittingly die indeed- But they wouldn’t die together, not at each others side. They wouldn’t die holding hands, or looking into each others eyes.
They would die a cold and painful death, one that they both saw coming, but not for a second did it make it less painful.
The cuts and bruises on their skin didn’t hurt at all. The only thing that hurt is the fact that it was over. The ranch is empty, and the ranchers are going to move on. The string connecting their hearts pulls and pulls, but it never snaps.
The laugh in the universes face, and keep holding hands after death, and continue to be soulmates. They are each others ranchers no matter what universe they’re in.
My rancher. My rancher