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Izuku had a routine before going to school. He had to be perfect, the perfect hero student, the perfect vessel for One For All, the perfect son for Midoriya Inko. He didn't have any other choice, he couldn't be the same useless boy he was back in middle school.
So Izuku hides his millions of freckles that he has all over his body with foundation, drawing just a few on his cheeks. After that he puts on mascara, making his green eyelashes black (having green eyelashes was weird. He ignores the fact that Todoroki had red and white eyelashes and the boy was the prettiest person Izuku has ever seen). Then he straightens his wild curly hair and then curls it again, this time only gently, making it just slightly wavy (he ignores the fact that Ashido has the same hair texture as him and everyone compliments her hair). Lastly he puts on his uniform, makes sure it's perfectly neat (it took him forever to figure out how to use a tie, but thankfully he had practiced it long before school started).
Then he goes to school, puts on a smile and pretends he's perfect. He pretends he's just like everyone else and not less than them and not good enough and an impostor among them.
Then suddenly there are dorms and everything is ruined. Suddenly he can't go home after school and take off his mask and be him. Suddenly he can't wallow in his uselessness, laying in bed and doing nothing. Suddenly he has to be perfect all the time.
He survives the first week. He spends time with everyone and pretending everything is okay, he doesn't escape to his room, because that would be weird (he ignores the fact that Tokoyami, Jirou and Todoroki spend almost all their time in their rooms and everyone respects the introverts of the class). Finally when everyone is in their rooms, getting ready to sleep, Izuku takes a shower washing off his makeup and fake personality. He might even cry a bit and then finally he goes to sleep.
Then he wakes up and does it all over again.
Until one day he wakes up and just can't. The thought of putting on his mask and pretending everything is okay seems impossible. The thought of spending the whole day with people makes him want to cry. Kami he can't even get out of his bed. Suddenly he hears knocking from his door.
“Hey Deku-kun, do you want to come to the movies with us?” Uraraka asks from behind the door. Right, it was the weekend. Usually weekends were for him to finally rest, not putting on his mask at all. Now he couldn't do that.
“Uhh. Yeah, sure”, Izuku replies, he really, really didn't want to go, but he couldn't say no.
“Yay! There's a showing at two, is that fine for you? Almost the whole class is coming”, Uraraka informs. Kami, that meant they had to leave in an hour, he needed to hurry.
“That's fine!” Izuku replies. He hears Uraraka walking away. He needed to get up right now if he wanted to be on time, but Kami, it felt impossible to get up. Izuku feels like he has rocks piled on top of him, keeping him down. The thought of getting up and going to the movies with the whole class seemed like a nightmare. He could already imagine being called Deku the whole day (he didn't have the heart to tell Uraraka he didn't like being called Deku, it didn't matter that much anyway) and getting teased (he knew they didn't mean anything bad, it was supposed to be just some funny joking around, but it just made Izuku feel like he still wasn't perfect enough no matter how much he tried) and everyone just existing around him, making him so overwhelmed with all the movement.
Without him even noticing, an hour had passed. He flinches violently when someone knocks on the door again.
“Hey Deku-kun, are you ready to go?” he hears Uraraka ask.
“Sorry I feel a little sick, I think I need to pass, sorry”, Izuku lies on impulse. He feels like an utter failure. He was supposed to go and be happy and spend time with his friends, but instead he can't even get out of bed.
“Oh, that's awful, do you need something?” Uraraka questions. Izuku wishes she would just leave him alone.
“No, go have fun okay?” Izuku replies. Then finally Uraraka leaves. Izuku lets out a sigh. He would guess they're away for at least three hours, so he has that much to collect himself. Without his permission, Izuku slowly falls asleep, absolutely exhausted even if he just woke up.
-
“Problem child?” Izuku flinches awake. He hears knocking from his door. Kami, he wasn't supposed to fall asleep.
“Y-yeah, sorry I was asleep” Izuku replies with a shaky voice.
“Uraraka told me you're sick? I just wanted to check up on you”, Aizawa-sensei asks.
“Yeah, it's nothing bad, I just have a sore throat and don't want to risk infecting anyone”, Izuku lies.
“Okay, can I come in to check if you have a fever?” Aizawa-sensei asks. No, Kami this can't be happening, his teacher can't see him like this, but he can't exactly say no without sounding suspicious. Kami, what was he going to do? Izuku can feel his breath catching his throat, eyes tearing up.
“You okay Problem child?” Izuku felt himself flinching at the nickname. Kami, he tries so hard to be perfect, but Aizawa-sensei only sees him as a problem.
“Y-yeah”, Izuku's voice cracks pathetically.
“I'm coming in kiddo”, Aizawa-sensei warns and Izuku freezes. He is going to die. Izuku's heart in beating too fast and he feels like he is having an heart attack.
Aizawa-sensei walks in and looks around briefly at Izuku's barely decorated room before his eyes lock on Izuku. He doesn't show any surprise at Izuku looking different, mostly he just looks worried. Izuku lets out a pathetic sob, tears streaming down his face. His heart is trying to beat out of his chest, when was the last time someone has seen the real him?
“What's wrong?” the man simply asks. Izuku tries to answer that nothings wrong, he's just being dramatic, but the words catch in his throat.
“Alright let's get you calmed down, can I touch you?” Aizawa-sensei asks. Izuku feels like saying no is rude, so he nods. His teacher slowly sits in front of the bed and takes Izuku's hands in his, squeezing lightly.
“Okay, kiddo follow my breathing”, Aizawa-sensei advises and starts breathing deeply in and out. Izuku follows along, feeling like an absolute loser every time his breath catches his throat. Aizawa-sensei doesn't seem annoyed by Izuku’s struggling, but he's also good at hiding his emotions.
When Izuku is finally calmed down, Aizawa lets go of his hands, Izuku feels so embarrassed by how sweaty his hands had gotten.
“Do you want to tell me what caused this?” the man asks. Izuku shrugs.
“I'm just tired”, Izuku admits.
“You have to be really tired to start panicking like that”, Aizawa-sensei mentions. Izuku let out something between a laugh and a sob.
“I am really tired”, Izuku can't stop himself from saying. Aizawa just nods.
“You know it's okay to not be perfect”, Aizawa-sensei points out. Izuku feels surprised, how did Aizawa figure it out?
“Don't look so surprised. I had a friend back in high school who was obsessed with being perfect, always putting on a loud and happy persona until he burned out”, Aizawa explains. Izuku nods slowly, maybe his teacher really did know what he was going through.
“Don't go down that same road, stop while you can. I can promise you, your classmates will accept you the way you are”, Aizawa comforts. Izuku wishes he had the man's confidence.
“I don't know how, I’ve been putting this mask on for so long, I don't know how to take it off in front of others”, Izuku admits, hugging his arms around his middle.
“I think you should just rip it off like a band-aid, humans have a habit of getting used to change quickly”, Aizawa advises. Izuku hums. He could give it a try, maybe that way he wouldn’t be so exhausted all the time.
“Thank you”, Izuku mumbles when his teacher gets up to leave.
“Of course”, the man answers gently.
(The next day Izuku comes out of his room without makeup, hair naturally curly and wearing comfortable clothes, he has never been so relieved when he gets reactions like “Wow you're so pretty Deku-kun” and “Hey we’re hair twins Mido-kun!” and “You look comfortable Midoriya-kun” There's still a lot of progress Izuku has to go trough, like admitting that he doesn't like being called Deku, but he felt like for the first time ever he was on the right road)