Work Text:
He almost doesn’t hear her desperate wail above the din of the burning herd and the Harley’s churning engine. Daryl kicks the bike into gear and drags the wheel toward the main road out when he catches the sound of her begging just in time.
Lord knows how.
The surrounding area is barely visible with the farm set so far back from the city lights and no moon in sight. Even the glow of the barn up in flames isn’t enough to make out much besides the dead mucking about over and yonder through the fields of their overrun home. He can’t see the others, can’t find Rick or Carl or Shane in the chaos. There is no one here to tell him what to do or where to go, and it feels like his entire world is falling apart all over again.
Daryl hasn’t been this frightened in ages. He speeds along the perimeter of the fence where the noise came from and that’s when he sees Lori sprinting in his direction, hand pressed protectively to her belly as the herd closes in.
“Daryl!”
The bike skids to a stop, kicking up a cloud of dirt, and Daryl lifts his bow. An arrow flies through the skull of a biter on Lori’s heels. It gives her the few precious seconds she needs to clear the fence and throw herself onto the seat behind him.
He flinches harder than expected, nerves nearly shot because of everything that’s happened, but he’s never been so glad to see her. He wants to lean back and cling to Lori, wants to hear her speak to him in the same reassuring way she’d use with Carl.
There isn’t time for any of that now. She shakes him by the shoulders as firmly as she dares and urges him to pop the clutch so they can go.
What a pair they make – a dumb backwoods hillbilly and a pregnant cop’s wife escaping off into the night. Daryl wishes it was someone else here with Lori. Someone smarter and less confused about things. Rick or Shane would be able to look after her much better than he can, and he thinks she deserves that. The baby certainly deserves that. Daryl would gladly swap places with someone more capable if it meant that Lori and the baby survive.
They ride out to the highway together, until the abandoned homestead is just a tiny speck and the gasping hoard is far behind. Daryl stops the bike on a quiet stretch of road, unable to concentrate or keep his hands from shaking now that the immediate crisis has passed. Their home is gone, the group missing, and they have no plan. Walkers could come out of these woods at any moment and overrun them. Bad people with guns might happen by and try to hurt them. Dangerous creatures roam around in the dark too. He’s seen ‘em before. Packs of wild wolf-like things. The Georgia raptor. Even a chupacabra once. There are a thousand ways for them to die tonight and the odds seem impossibly high.
Daryl doesn’t know how close he is to hyperventilating until Lori strokes the side of his face, gently wiping away tears.
“Hey,” she says. “It’s okay, sweetheart. We’re gonna be okay.”
“M’ sorry.”
The words feel twisted and caught in his throat, but for her sake he forces them out. “We got no home now. S’ all gone. They just came in so fast, and I weren’t good enough to stop ‘em all but I really tried. M’ so sorry.”
“Oh no, honey. Daryl, no. It wasn’t your fault.” She rubs his back, soft little circles over scars hidden beneath his shirt and a leather cut. “You were brave tonight, and you did everything you possibly could to protect the family.”
He screws his eyes shut and shakes his head, wanting so desperately not to cry so he can be strong like she needs him to be. It feels wrong to put the blame somewhere else when everybody knows he’s the group’s weakest link. If they’d had one more fighter who wasn’t broken and half a man maybe they’d still have the farm.
“M’ sorry it ain’t Rick or Shane here. Lots of other stuff can go wrong now and I’m not like them, Lori. I won’t know what to do. I couldn’t save Sophia and I can’t save you or the baby neither and ya’ll deserve so much better than me.”
Lori freezes, and for a split second Daryl thinks that maybe she finally understands. He braces himself for pain and waits to see if her fingers will dig into the tender skin of his back, if she’ll yell and call him all the names he calls himself. It would hurt to hear those things come out of her mouth like that. Would make it real in a way that can never be undone. He tells himself not to chase after her if she decides to leave, even if letting her go will be the hardest thing he ever does. Less dead weight for her to carry.
The smile on Lori’s face is so sad.
“No, sweetheart.” She holds his head steady between her palms so he has no choice but to look at her. “There’s not a thing wrong with you at all, you hear me? I know tonight was awful but you did your part same as everybody. You’re my family just like Rick, just like Carl, and family sticks together no matter what. You remember that spot on the highway where we left those supplies for Sophia? If the others are alive that’s where they’ll go. I know you’re tired but I need you to hang on just a little longer and get us there. Can you do that?”
He doesn’t trust himself to answer out loud. Can’t let her hear the tremor in his voice that would be there if he did. Daryl’s made a lot of mistakes in his life on account of being stupid, but the thought of disappointing Lori or letting her down makes him want to die. He takes a deep breath and blinks through the tears so he can see the road ahead, and once he’s sure Lori’s grip is tight enough they set out again. It’s a damn good thing he spent so much time looking for that little girl and trekking back to the spot each day, hoping to find her waiting there. He knows where it is and could find it in his sleep.
They make it just after sunrise.
He sees faded white paint in the distance and a small pile of provisions, right where they left them. The vehicle parked next to it seems familiar, an awful lot like Hershel’s truck.
There are people perched up in the bed and they look very much alive.
Daryl starts recognizing faces the closer they get, and his heart leaps. Shane is there, exhausted but whole, and Rick is beside him cradling Carl. The boy must have spent hours scanning the horizon with hopeful eyes, waiting for his mother to appear.
Carol is there too, with Hershel and Maggie and Beth. Glenn comes running from the other side with T-Dog.
The Harley is still gently rolling when Lori dismounts and goes running to her son. Rick crashes into her with all the force of his turbulent joy and she returns it just as earnestly.
Daryl manages to get the kickstand down before his legs give out and he falls to the ground, all the fight depleted now that his task is done and Lori is back safe with her family. His mind doesn’t work like other people’s, even on good days. Now it just feels numb, thoughts coming in as scattered fragments that don’t make any damn sense. Daryl’s chest is burning with a fear he has no name for.
Shane briefly touches Lori’s shoulder and then comes jogging in his direction. Daryl lifts a finger to his mouth hoping to find a little comfort, trying to decide if Shane looks angry. He’s so thoroughly overwhelmed right now that if Shane starts lecturing he just might piss himself.
Shane lays a hand on Daryl’s arm and he nearly jumps out of his skin.
“Hey bud, are you okay? Are you hurt?”
He tries to focus on Shane’s face but it’s just too hard, and his eyes drift away. He likes how Rick and Lori look at Carl and each other the way people who love each other should. No one’s ever looked at him like that in all his life and he wonders how it feels. Maybe he’ll ask Carl about it later. Carl doesn’t mind him asking ignorant questions.
“Daryl.”
Shane is still there, relieved instead of angry, still patiently waiting for Daryl to speak. He wants to tell Shane that what happened at the farm was the most horrid thing he’d ever been through, that when he couldn’t find anyone he was afraid they were all dead. That he didn’t want to be alive either if that was the case. He wants to say that Lori should have had somebody better to protect her, but Daryl was all she had and he’s sorry. He’s sorry to be the cause of so much trouble and sorry they have to worry about him when there are more important things to fuss about.
He’s so sorry they lost their home.
The words stay stubbornly rooted, trapped in the bleary nexus between his mouth and faltering brain. He bites on his nail and checks to see if he can make a sound, even just a small one. Anything to communicate to Shane that he’s uninjured so the man can stop wasting time. The best he can do is gasp a bit, which isn’t very helpful. He tries shrugging next, but his bones refuse to move and all he can do is sit there on the asphalt like an idiot.
“Looks like you can’t talk right now, huh?” Shane says, patting him carefully. “That’s alright. You did real good bringing Lori back here. I’m just gonna check you over real quick, alright? Nothin’ bad. Gotta make sure you aren’t hurt before we go.”
Shane runs his hands up Daryl’s arms and over his neck, brushing fingers through his hair to check for bumps and scrapes. He lifts Darly’s shirt up just a bit to make sure he isn’t bleeding from any vital organs, wincing when Daryl’s muscles spasm and his body flinches away on its own.
“I know, buddy. I’m sorry. Ain’t gonna hurt you.”
Shane remembers not to touch his stomach or the bare skin on his back. and the thing is that Daryl is aware enough to recognize a friendly gesture when he sees one despite volatile reflexes to the contrary. Shane means no harm. It’s nice that someone cares enough to bother, even if he can’t sit still.
Rick drops to one knee in front of Daryl and reaches for him.
“You alright?”
“Just checked him over,” Shane sighs. “Seems okay. Words are a little hard right now so he isn’t talking just yet.”
They exchange a brief look, and Rick nods.
“That’s okay, Daryl. You don’t have to talk.”
He cups the back of Daryl's neck and pulls him in for a hug. Daryl falls limp against Rick’s chest, and it’s the first touch of the day he doesn’t automatically cringe from. He sucks gently on the knuckle of his thumb and listens to the low rumble of Rick’s voice.
“Last night must have been so terrifying for you. I was scared too. Afraid I’d lost all of you. Afraid I’d lost Lori. But then I saw you coming down the road and I just knew. I knew you had her.”
Daryl likes the rhythm of Rick’s hand combing through the tangles in his hair. It makes the terrible burn inside him ache a little less, but he wonders if Rick would stop if he really understood how useless Daryl was. If they had any sense at all they’d cut him loose and leave him here with the discarded cars. Weak things don’t last long in a world like this, and Daryl might be dumb but even he knows his life ain’t worth one of theirs. Just ain’t. Not by a long shot.
Rick adjusts and holds his gaze for a moment, his expression strange and thoughtful. He cocks his head, and Daryl swears it feels like Rick can read him all the way down to his soul.
Rick buries his nose close to Daryl's ear and whispers. “I’m so grateful to you for saving her. You’re good just the way you are, and you always have a place with us.”
Daryl doesn’t feel brave enough to explore what it means, but he knows that Rick is a good man. The kind you see in those storybook films for kids. The group won’t leave him behind, even though they should, and that conviction suddenly makes him very sleepy. He lets his eyes close for a moment, gently held while Rick and Shane look over the maps and talk through routes with Glenn.
In the end they pack Daryl into the same vehicle with Lori and Carl so he can rest, and T-Dog rides beside them on the motorcycle. Daryl watches the dizzy spin of the wheel spokes and thinks about what Rick said.
He’s never quite fit in anywhere before, but maybe luck is changing. Maybe it’s okay to be a little different in these strange new times, and maybe Rick means it when he says that Daryl belongs. He wants to believe it the same way he believes that flowers can grow in the ugliest places, ‘cause he’s seen it happen with his own two eyes.
This is the only truth he knows.
For now it’s enough just to be here, with people he can trust, alive and breathing the same air.